Chapter Seventy-one

Oily to Bed, Oily to Rise

Jason stayed in the woods with Carrie, talking about everything and nothing, until well after the sun came up. By the time he could bring himself to look at his watch, it was after nine o'clock. "Aw, damn. I've got to go."

"What time is it?"

"A couple minutes after nine. We have to be at the mall at eleven; Billy's getting some new glasses, maybe a haircut, some new clothes. So everyone should be waking up soon. I need to get back in there."

"Yeah, I should probably be going, too. I have to interview the mayor at noon."

"The mayor?" Jason asked as they started back through the woods.

"Yeah. About Power Rangers Day. They tend to give me the Power-Ranger-related assignments, thanks to you."

"You're not one of those crazy reporters who've almost gotten themselves killed for getting a little too close to the action, are you?"

"…Maybe once or twice. I did get hit by a Blade Blaster once, but that was during that whole thing with the evil clone Rangers. I was still in the sports department."

"Ooh, remind me to tell you the story behind that some time," Jason said. "The background was great."

"Will do," Carrie told him.

They walked back into the hotel. Jenny was sitting behind the desk, sleepy and annoyed. "Nothing new," she reported before Jason could ask. "Go away."

Jason smiled at her and headed for the elevator. Carrie stood with him while he waited for it to come down from the twelfth floor. "Well, it's been fun."

"Yeah. Give me a call after Power Rangers Day, okay? I don't think I'm gonna be staying here again tonight. Go home to my nice safe house where there are no ice machines or male strippers."

Carrie laughed. "Well, good luck with that. I'll—what the…"

The elevator doors had opened, revealing Ethan, curled up on the floor with his thumb in his mouth and one arm hooked around the leg of his rollaway cot. "Isn't that Ethan James?" Carrie asked slowly.

"Yep. Ladies and gentlemen, the Blue Dino Thunder Power Ranger."

"…Why's he in the elevator? Shouldn't he have gone back to his room?"

"Who knows?" Jason said with a shrug. Carrie stared at him, wondering if he really didn't find this strange or was just putting up a front. "Anyway, I'll see you when I see you, eh? Later."

"Yeah. Bye."

Jason let the doors close behind him before crouching down to wake up Ethan. "Ethan, man, it's morning time."

Ethan groaned. "Do you think it's karma if you get run over by a luggage cart less than twenty-four hours after you jumped some bellhops?"

"No, I think it's a damned good reason not to sleep on the floor of the elevator. Now, come on. The trauma's over with. Why didn't you just go back to your room when Jenny made you leave, anyway?"

"Cuz I didn't want to get dumped out into the hall by Kimberly and a male stripper again," Ethan replied, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Ugh. Is this vacation over yet?"

"It's only Thursday. Power Rangers Day isn't until the day after tomorrow."

"…That's a no, right?"

"Yeah, Ethan. That's a no."

Kimberly awoke slowly the next morning. When she finally opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Tommy.

"Gah!"

Kimberly recoiled. What the hell did she do last night?

…Nothing. Nothing at all. She certainly hadn't drunk anything, and she couldn't remember anything about Tommy coming into her room. She hadn't woken up after reclaiming her clothing from Tommy. She didn't remember anything else happening, and she wasn't hung over—she didn't even have that dry-throat feeling that came after drinking alcohol. So why the hell was he in her… wait.

It suddenly occurred to her that Tommy's head was propped up not on a pillow, but on a leg… and a magazine was resting against his head. She followed the magazine upward, only to realize that Tommy was curled around Trini's legs. She was sitting up, her back against the headboard, reading calmly.

"Trini?"

"G'morning, Kim," Trini said absently, still reading.

"Trini?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to ask you this very carefully," Kimberly said, fighting off a grin. She had now realized that this wasn't an odd moment regarding her ex, but rather just one more moment of randomness. "What is Tommy doing in our bed?"

"Sleeping."

"Why?"

"Because he's tired," Trini said plainly, as though it should be obvious. She had the look and tone of one who is ignoring something profusely.

"Yes, but how did he get in our bed?" Kimberly asked, exasperated.

"He crawled right in. Said he had a bad dream."

Kimberly raised an eyebrow. "No, really, why's he in here?"

"Oh, I'm being dead serious. He had a bad dream and came to me for comfort." A twinge of annoyance was beginning to creep into Trini's voice.

"Uh-huh. So the truth is that you had wild passionate sex with Tommy without bothering to wake me up and ask me to move?" Kimberly joked dryly.

Trini couldn't even dignify that with a response, still staring at her magazine. "Did you know he talks in his sleep? Yes, you probably did—"

"Hey!" Kimberly said, gaping at Trini.

"All night, Kim. Woke me up after a beautiful dream wherein Jason was asking me to steal another boat and—"

"Don't you dare go stealing boats with Jason again! It'll be a lot harder to teleport you to a boat full of Greek fishermen without the Command Center."

"Superstitious Greek fishermen! They were superstitious, damn it! They thought we were demons! You ever try explaining that you fell off an airplane to a bunch of crazy fishermen when you only speak a few words of Greek?"

"Sorry, sorry. Back to Tommy?"

"That's pretty much it. He went to sleep and then I couldn't get back to sleep because the little whack job decided to babble all night."

"About what?" Kimberly asked.

"I could only catch random words, when I wasn't trying to block him out or suffocate him," Trini replied with a sigh. "'Orange,' that was a recurring one. 'Die,' 'Conner,' 'help,' 'destroy you,' 'never give up,' 'make me,' 'please don't fire me,' 'Ring Pop,' 'I didn't do it, Hayley,' 'hate sharks,' and oh, my personal favorite—" Trini looked Kimberly dead in the eye, making it easier for Kimberly to see the evil gleam Trini was sporting. "'I'll save you, Kim.'"

Kimberly stared at her for a moment, then let out a giggle. "Gee, where have I heard that before?"

Kimberly's amusement seemed to annoy Trini even more. "That was the last thing he said," Trini growled. "About twenty minutes ago. Hasn't spoken since. So now I'm just waiting for Jason to show up."

"Um… correct me if I'm wrong, but that's probably going to be a bad thing."

"No, no. See, I figure Jason will see Tommy, and Jason will attack. Because I'm pretty sure that Jason doesn't know about Tommy's little nightmare. I might have to hug Tommy the moment I hear the door opening, but that's fine by me. Anything to make Tommy die."

"Violent, much?"

"You know this is the second night in a row he's woken me up out of a killer dream? I told him not to do this yesterday. Now he deserves what he gets. So I'm waiting for Jason to kill him for me. I'm not going to kill him. Tommy wouldn't get the point if I kill him. Besides, I'm planning to kill Jason shortly after he's finished killing Tommy, which should make for a great defense if I'm caught—you know, I killed Jason to save Tommy, and was too late. And I think it's rather nice of me to let Jason go out fighting."

"You've put a lot of thought into this, I see," Kimberly said, shaking her head. "Although it might work better if you were naked or something."

"Oh, no way am I going that far. I'm just going to say, 'Oh, god, Jason! I can explain' in as girly a voice as I can manage. Should do the trick. Although it might help if, when we hear Jason coming, you lock yourself into the bathroom and start sobbing."

Kimberly let out an offended noise. "I would not be sobbing in the bathroom if you had sex with Tommy!"

"Oh, you so would. You'd be hysterical."

"I would not!"

"Yes you would. It would kill you if I did it with Tommy."

"It would not! I don't care if you have sex with Tommy!"

"…Are we actually having this conversation?"

"Hmm. Good point. Something you're trying to tell me, Trini?"

"Oh, shut up, Kim."

"Look, could you wake him up and make him leave now? I'd really rather prefer a lack of awkward in the morning."

"Well, as much as I'd like to keep the number of people Tommy annoys today down to just me, no. I'm waiting for Jason to kill him. I want him to bleed. I want girly screams and pleas for help as Jason eviscerates him. I want his blood staining the sheets. I. Want. Death."

"You know, you're really scary when you're like this."

"Thank you. Now be quiet. I don't want him waking up before Jason kills him. Or at least, not too soon before. Jason kills Tommy, I kill Jason, we dispose of the bodies, we go buy Billy new overalls. We're all happy."

"What did Jason do to deserve you k—?"

Both girls jumped as Tommy's cell phone started ringing suddenly. "Shh! Answer it!" Kimberly hissed.

"What? No! You answer it!"

"I'm not answering it! What if it's someone who doesn't know who I am? Or someone who only knows a little bit about who I am? You have to answer it! I'm his ex! You've been his friend since the 90s!"

"Why don't we just let it ring?"

"Because it might wake him up, and then Jason won't get to kill him," Kimberly said desperately. "Besides, Kira doesn't do too well in situations like this."

Trini looked over at the sleeping Kira as though just remembering her presence. Grimacing, she reached for the blanket covering Tommy. "It had better be in plain sight," she grumbled, throwing back the blanket. No way in hell was she digging for it. Relieved, she saw it was clipped to the waistband of his shorts.

Not bothering to check the number on the ID—either she'd know the person or not, and she was trying to hurry before Tommy woke up—Trini flipped the phone open and hit the send button. "Hello?"

"…Dr. O?"

"Er, no. He's asleep."

"…Ah. I see." There was the sound of an embarrassed cough, then a slightly hopeful, "Kim?"

"No. Trini."

"Trini? But… but what about Jason?"

"He's not here yet. Who is this?"

"Conner. What do you mean, he's not there… yet?"

"Just what I said. He's not here yet. Do you want to talk to Tommy?"

"No, no, let him sleep. Probably needs his rest. Being old and all." Trini frowned, getting the idea that he was smirking, though she couldn't think why. "So, um, where's Kim?"

"Um, she's right here," Trini said, struggling to think, but she was sleep-deprived and annoyed and she was starting to think Tommy might drool in his sleep, and as his head was on her lap that would not be a good thing.

"She… what?"

"She's right here."

"With you and Dr. O."

"Yes."

"Is she sleeping, too?"

"…Not anymore, no…"

"Ah. I see. Um… hang on a second." Conner took the cell phone away from his mouth, possibly holding his hand over the receiver, but the yell was still so loud that Trini had to yank the phone away from her ear.

"Trent! Trent! Dr. O finally got laid!"

Tommy stirred slightly in his sleep, but slumbered on as Kimberly and Trini stared at each other in horror. Amidst the sounds of Conner's gleeful shouts and Trent's rather disgusted exclamations, an evil grin spread slowly on Trini's face, and was soon mirrored on Kimberly's.

"By Trini and Kim," Conner was now telling Trent, almost sounding proud. "Who knew the old guy could actually get a girl, let alone two? At once?"

"Conner, I don't care what you say. There's no way Kim and Trini slept with Dr. O!" Trent said firmly.

"Yeah? Then why is Trini answering Dr. O's phone when he's asleep with Kim in the room? How come Zack said he must have slipped out in the middle of the night? He's got to be sleeping in Kim's room. And Trini just told me she and Dr. O and Kim were together!"

Trini snorted, trying very hard not to laugh as Kimberly sat up, trying to hear better. "Put it on speakerphone," Kimberly whispered.

"No, that'll wake him up."

Kimberly smiled wickedly. "Oh, yeah. That would be bad." She giggled.

There was the sound of a scuffle, and then Trent's voice came on the line. "Hello? Trini? Is that you?"

"Yes, it is," Trini said as calmly as she could.

"Er… is Dr. O with you?"

"Yes. Has been since about four in the morning," Trini said truthfully.

"Oh… … …Really?"

"Mm-hmm. Snuck in through the balcony."

"I see," Trent said in a strangled voice. He cleared his throat. "Could I talk to him?"

"I'm afraid I don't want to wake him, Trent. He's absolutely exhausted, you understand."

"You're horrible!" Kimberly mouthed with a smile, biting her lip to keep from laughing. Trini winked back. This was almost a better revenge than letting Jason kill Tommy. Which she was still going to let him do, of course.

"Oh… um… but… it's kinda important," Trent said desperately. Trini guessed—correctly—that he wouldn't be able bring himself to out-and-out ask Kimberly or Trini if Conner was telling the truth… he'd just try to guess, or else carefully ask Tommy later. In other words, he'd only figure it out if Trini wanted him to. And right now, she was having fun; Tommy had cost her a good night's sleep in addition to all the other chaos of the past week, and she had no qualms about getting him back for it.

"I'm sorry, but he's completely dead. I haven't seen anyone that tired since… well, never mind," Trini said brightly. "He didn't even get to go to sleep until about an hour ago. I'll pass along a message for you, if you'd like…"

"Trini," Kimberly said in a distinctly breathy voice, not wanting to be left out of the newest game of Torturing Tommy. "Hang up the phone already."

There was a gasp and a dull clatter. "Dude!" came Conner's distant, muffled voice. "Don't drop my phone! Watch what you're doing!"

"It's true!" Trent wailed in the background, making several loud gagging noises. "It's really, really true! The images in my head, they burn! Ugh!"

"Keep it down over there!" called Rocky. "Some of us are trying to sleep."

"You're one to talk, Mr. Teapot," Conner retorted. A moment later, he was back on phone. "Hello?"

"Hi," Trini said. "Listen, do me a favor?"

"What kind of favor?" Conner said eagerly.

Trini rolled her eyes. "If you see Jason, tell him I need a little more sleep and to chill in Zack's room and wait for me, okay?"

"Sure, Trini," Conner said serenely. "I'll tell him for you."

Completely forgetting about Tommy, Trini snapped the phone closed and promptly burst out laughing, along with Kimberly. Unfortunately, they were both laughing practically right in Tommy's ear.

Tommy jolted awake, took a few moments to get his bearings, and rolled off of Trini's legs and out of the bed. His eyes widened in horror as he caught sight of his phone in Trini's hand.

"What did you do?" Tommy hissed.

"Nothing, nothing," Trini gasped out, clutching her side.

"G'morning, Tommy," Kimberly said, giving him a little wave. A distinctly evil wave, he was sure of it.

"Yeah, good morning. Not as good as Conner thinks your morning was, but still…" Trini trailed off into a burst of laughter.

"You didn't," Tommy whispered, not quite certain what had happened but knowing it wasn't good. Nothing involving Conner and Tommy's phone ever was.

"You're the one who jumped into my sandbox and started kicking sand in my face," Kimberly told him smugly. "I think you deserve a little—"

"Give me the phone," Tommy snarled.

Kimberly grinned. "No. I seem to recall making it perfectly clear that your cell phone was on the list of things to retaliate with." She took the phone from Trini and tucked it in the chest pocket of her shirt. Of Tommy's shirt.

Tommy stood there for a moment, staring at her, breathing heavily. Then—

"That's it!"

With a yell of outrage, Tommy leaped straight at Kimberly.

"Seriously, I'm telling you, it's true," Conner insisted as he, Billy, Rocky and Trent came out into the hall.

"It really isn't," Billy said firmly, though the level of Conner's conviction was starting to make him wonder just what the truth was. "Tell him, Rocky. It wouldn't happen."

Rocky shrugged. "We'll just go ask them ourselves, Billy. All I know is I'm craving some tea."

"The images burn," Trent moaned sulkily.

"What images burn?"

Conner whirled to face Ethan, who was stumbling down the hallway with his cot. "Ethan! Guess what! Dr. O got laid!"

Ethan glared at him. "Conner… why would you tell me that?"

"Images," Trent grumbled. "Science teacher images. Burn."

"Well, he did! And not just by Kim. Trini slept with him too! I called his phone and Trini answered and was all 'if you see Jason, stall him for me,' and—"

"Excuse me?"

Conner froze as Jason stepped out from behind Ethan. Ethan and the cot had been blocking most of him from view. Jason crossed his arms over his chest and stared expectantly at Conner with a no-nonsense expression that was somehow also deeply amused.

"Whoa, hey, as much fun as finding out what's really going down sounded three seconds ago, I'm gonna go find me some tea," Rocky said hastily. "See you, Conner."

"Bye," Billy added, practically chasing Rocky down the hall past Jason to the elevator.

"Rocky! Billy! You traitors!" Conner yelled.

"Don't think of it as betrayal," Jason said with a smirk. "Think of it as self-preservation. Now. What was this about stalling me so Tommy could have sex with my wife?"

"Um… it's a new off-Broadway play?" Conner said hopefully.

Jason took a step towards him. "Conner… do you have any idea just what I'm capable of?"

Conner suddenly dove behind Trent, grabbed him by the shoulders, and swung him in between Conner and Jason, using him as a human shield. "If you want me, you'll have to go through Trent!" Conner shouted.

"And to think, you actually asked why I preferred to sleep in the elevator," Ethan said to Jason, shaking his head in amazement.

"Conner, let go!" Trent growled.

"Don't hurt me! I'm just the messenger!" Conner wailed.

Jason cracked up. "Don't worry, man. I'm just messing with you. I might have occasional jealous tendencies, but I'm not an idiot. Like that would ever happen? Please."

Jason moved past them down the hall. Just in case Jason was preparing a sneak attack, Conner turned Trent accordingly, keeping Trent between Jason and Conner at all times. It was only when Jason was several feet away that Conner relaxed.

"You know," Trent said slowly, "I didn't believe it either at first. I'm not like Conner. But if she could convince a nice, normal, smart guy like me…"

"I gotta see this," Ethan announced with a grin, rushing off down the hall after Jason. Exchanging nervous glances, Conner and Trent followed.

Kira emerged from the bathroom, already dressed and groomed, and sighed when she saw that Trini, Kimberly and Tommy were in fact still at it. The only thing that had changed since she'd slipped into the bathroom was that someone was knocking on the door.

Kira crossed to the door and pulled it open, revealing Jason, Conner, Ethan and Trent. "Oh, good," she said in relief. "Someone's here to stop the madness. You have no idea how disconcerting it is to wake up to find your science teacher and his ex-girlfriend sparring. On your bed."

Jason pushed past her, staring incredulously at the scene on Kira's bed. Trini was flat on her back, arms stretched above her head, cell phone clasped in one hand, legs kicking like mad. Tommy was holding her wrists, struggling to get both of them into one hand, which wasn't working out so well. He was straddling Trini, though his right leg was extended wildly out to the side so that he could keep his foot firmly planted firmly on a struggling Kimberly's behind.

As Jason watched in horrified fascination, Kimberly twisted around beneath Tommy's foot and managed to sink her teeth into his ankle. Tommy howled in pain but refused to release Trini's wrists. Grimacing, Kimberly pulled back and sighted down another section of Tommy's leg. She reared back like a cobra and was about to strike when she spotted the new additions to their audience.

"Jason," Kimberly gasped.

Tommy and Trini both froze and twisted to look at him. They stared at him for a long, frozen moment before Trini exclaimed, "Oh god, Jason! I can explain!"

This jolted Tommy into action; he rolled off of Trini and disappeared under Trini and Kimberly's bed so fast that he might as well have teleported. Jason looked at the bed curiously, confused at Tommy's choice to hide—but, then, he couldn't very well run. Jason was blocking one exit, and Tommy couldn't use the balconies anytime soon, not after his stint as a suicidal ninja stripper.

Jason slowly approached the bed, dimly aware that Kimberly was trying to say something and Trini was telling her to be quiet. Jason, however, couldn't be bothered to listen to either of them. He needed to concentrate. He needed to concentrate on not laughing himself sick until after he'd had a little more fun with Tommy. He crouched by the side of the bed and pulled up the bed skirt. Tommy's head whipped around to look at him warily.

Jason took a moment to savor Tommy's expression, then searched for The Line, that one perfect phrase that he could repeat in years to come and instantly remind Tommy of that one moment when, for rather vague reasons, Tommy felt it was necessary to hide under the bed. From Jason.

Most unfortunately, Tommy beat him to the last word. "I know you were gone all night," Tommy whispered. "One wrong move, and I'll tell Trini all about waking up to find out you were gone before you can get your hands around my throat."

Jason sighed in disappointment. Then he dropped the bed skirt, stood up, and faced the others. Trini and Kimberly were both staring at him with wide eyes. Conner was now back behind Trent. Ethan and Kira just looked somewhat expectant, waiting patiently for the explanation.

"Okay," Jason said brightly. "Let's go to the mall."

"I like malls. Honest, I do. I'm just saying, we'd probably have a lot more productive day if we all just stayed in bed and didn't move," Ethan insisted as Tommy, Jason, Conner, Ethan and Trent left the girls' room.

"This from the guy who was only able to get a good night's rest by hiding out in the elevator," Jason pointed out.

Tommy yawned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes without releasing his newly-reclaimed cell phone. "Why were you sleeping in the elevator, Ethan?"

"Between Kimberly and Rocky, who could actually sleep in the room?" Ethan replied.

"Hey, at least you didn't have to bunk with Conner. He smacked me at least seventeen times," Trent grumbled.

"Sorry," Conner said absently. "So, just to be clear, Dr. O—you actually didn't have sex with Kimberly or Trini?"

"Of course not! Where do you get this stuff?" Tommy demanded.

"Kimberly and Trini."

Tommy sighed. "Guys, please—stay out of my personal life."

"What I want to know," Trent said loudly, obviously trying to move the conversation along, "is if you were singing about teapots all night, too."

"Who was singing about teapots?" Tommy asked.

"Rocky. Billy says the Aquitian water probably messed him up in the head a bit, because he tried to enter a REM cycle and got interrupted. He was shouting about teapots for a while. Billy said he'd wait for it to pass and we all managed to get to sleep in between fits of screaming," Trent explained.

"The Aquitian water?" Tommy repeated, stopping in his tracks.

"The Aquitian water combined with alcohol," Ethan clarified. "Apparently it caused some sort of subconscious delirium in Rocky because he combined the two and then tried to go into REM sleep. It's all one berserk altered state of consciousness or something."

"Speaking of altered states of consciousness," Zack called, emerging from 618, "Adam's stopped worshipping wildebeests."

"That explains why I was so out of it last night," Tommy said, breathing a sigh of relief. "It was all just a bit of—wait. Wildebeests?"

Zack nodded. "The guy went off his rocker last night. He even ordered a male stripper."

"What's up with all the strippers?" Ethan asked. "That bit with Kimberly, and in the hallway we could hear Dr. O yelling about—"

"That's part of my personal life," Tommy interrupted hastily. He spun around nervously, suddenly jumpy as he peered down the hallway at room 628. "Well, I'm gonna go get dressed. Bye!" With that, Tommy bolted into the safety of his room.

"Strippers are part of his personal life?" Conner repeated. "Well. I guess—"

"Conner, if you say one more word about Dr. O involving sex, I'm going to remove your voice box," Trent interrupted darkly.

"Well, somebody's reverting back to evil form in the mornings," Conner retorted.

"Hey, don't make fun of the previously evil," Jason chided. "It happens to the best of us."

"You went evil once?" Trent asked in surprise.

"Yep. Me and Kim beat up the Turbo Rangers their first day out. I almost threw Tommy into a lava pit. Moral of the story? Scuba diving—not always a good idea."

"Am I glad I had to cancel on that trip at the last second," Zack said, shaking his head.

Jason and Zack left the three Dino Rangers in the hall and went into 618. Conner frowned after them, then turned to Trent and Ethan. "Did he explain what scuba diving had to do with it and I just, you know, missed it?"

"Nah, we're confused too," Ethan assured him.