Chapter Seventy-two

Best Man for the Job

Tommy hurried through his morning grooming rituals and then began pestering Jason, Zack and Adam with numerous questions about when they'd finally get to leave, anxious to escape the hotel until after Taylor, Brandy and their friends had checked out.

"Chill, man, we're leaving," Adam said in exasperation after the fifth time Tommy asked if he was ready. "I gotta be at the airport by ten-thirty, but maybe I can grab breakfast with you guys."

"Where are you going?" Jason asked.

"Back to L.A. Have a meeting about a new film, remember? Rocky's supposed to come with, but maybe he'll want to hang with you guys. Zack, want me to name drop?"

"Always," Zack told him. He and Adam had gotten to work together on several films.

"You're flying back to L.A.?" Tommy asked.

"Of course. It's a two hour drive, plus traffic, and I'll probably be coming back right around evening rush hour. Figured I'd just take the helicopter, leave the Mercedes at the airport."

"Must be nice, having a helicopter and all."

"It's Tanya's," Adam said. "Hey, you know, you guys are welcome to come if you want. Don't know if I could fit all of you in the helicopter, but—"

"Kimberly's planning on dragging Billy to the mall," Jason told him apologetically. "We were all supposed to go."

"Hey, you could take Kim," Tommy said quickly, his tone clearly threatening to shake Adam by the shoulders and beg him to take Kimberly away if necessary. "That way she wouldn't totally overwhelm Billy at the mall."

"Kim doesn't like flying in privately-owned aircraft, remember?" Adam reminded him.

"Why? Because of that thing with her uncle's plane?" Tommy asked. Kimberly being forced to land her uncle Steve's plane had happened before Tommy had moved to Angel Grove, but she'd told him all about it. However, they'd gone flying in private planes to go sky-diving a couple of times after the incident, and she'd never mentioned being scared before.

"No, that just made her leery of it. That thing with Jake cemented it," Adam replied.

Tommy stiffened. Jason and Zack both shot Adam death glares. "What?" Adam asked blankly.

"You guys really didn't tell me anything about Kimberly over the past eight years," Tommy said darkly.

"Well," Zack said, injecting a falsely bright, joking tone into his voice, "if we'd known we just had to get you two in the same town for a few days and you'd be stealing her panties—"

"Who's Jake?"

An extremely ugly silence descended over them. Tommy looked from one to the other, waiting with rapidly diminishing patience.

"I need to go find Rocky," Adam said suddenly. He slung his duffel bag on his shoulder and bolted for the door, not even bothering to close the door behind him as he rushed off down the hall.

"Who's. Jake?" Tommy repeated to Zack and Jason.

Jason and Zack looked at each other, then, by some unspoken agreement, entered into a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Zack won and darted out the door before Tommy could blink.

Jason sighed heavily. "Her ex. Picked him up in March of 1999, kept him until June of 2000. They were pretty serious. Almost got, you know…" Jason coughed. "Married."

"She named her bear after him," Tommy said quietly. "The big pink bear that I won her. She named it Jake."

"Yeah, well that's actually kind of a private joke," Jason said. "See, a bear was part of the reason she dumped him."

Tommy frowned. "How…?"

"They were canoeing somewhere in Oregon and they got attacked by a bear. Kimberly had to save them. Jake actually wet himself in terror."

"…Kimberly… fought off a bear."

"Yeah. Well, sort of. She threw a rock at it, led it away from Jake, used that ninja streak thing to lure it a couple miles into the woods. Then she ran back to campsite, packed their things, and threw her wussy little boyfriend in the canoe. After that, Kimberly realized Jake just wasn't for her."

"Because he peed his pants at the sight of a bear?"

"Pretty much. Well, I think it was more about needing someone stronger, someone who was a fighter, blah, blah, blah, insert girly romantic speak. It wasn't the first time he'd freaked out on her. She tried to take him sky-diving, he clung to her the whole way down and almost got them both killed. She tried to take him windsurfing, he nearly drowned. She tried to surprise him with plans to go rock-climbing, he refused to go. He wasn't adventurous, wasn't athletic, wasn't brave."

"And yet she named my bear after him."

Jason looked at him oddly. "Bro, you're taking it a little personal. Me, I think it's kind of funny. Kimberly dumps you, dumps him, starts chatting you up again, you win her something cutesy, she calls it Jake. Like she's trying to remind herself of the better side of her ex-boyfriends. Or, in another context, since you seem so adamant about playing the symbolism game with a stupid pink bear, the big strong man wins her a sweet wittle bear in some sort of contest, she names it after the sniveling little wimp. Probably some strange way of reminding herself that you, unlike Jake, wouldn't wet your pants. You'd wrestle a bear for Kim if you had to, and she knows it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll try to make a break for it, too."

Jason grinned, then adopted a panicked expression akin to the ones Zack and Adam had been wearing and ran out of the room, waving his hands in mock-terror. Tommy cracked up. "God, my friends are weird," he muttered, then gathered his things and left the room himself.

He went to knock on the girls' door, which was opened by Kimberly. Today, she was wearing a miniskirt and a tank top—under his shirt.

"Are you ever going to stop wearing that thing?" Tommy asked, trying to sound as if he could care less.

"Maybe. But I figured, hey, since I had to wash it last night anyway…"

"Nice skirt," Tommy commented, pushing past her. He smirked the moment his face was out of her line of sight, complimenting himself on a barb well-sent. She might have stolen her clothes back, but it wasn't like Tommy didn't want to see her in a miniskirt, and those two simple words implied that he couldn't care less about her victory. He glanced around; he assumed Trini was in the bathroom or already downstairs, but Kira was trying to ignore him, focusing on cleaning the lipstick message he'd written last night off the mirror. Tommy chuckled as she sighed and threw away another paper towel; she hadn't even removed half of the message yet. "By the way, I set Conner straight for you. I know you didn't mean to confuse him for, oh, what was it? Three minutes? Two and a half?"

"I give up," Kira muttered, rolling her eyes and heading for the door. "I'll be hanging with Conner, Ethan and Trent. Come get me when the level of ick goes back down."

"Sure thing," Tommy told her calmly. "Bye!"

"What do you want, Tommy?" Kimberly asked. "To hide under the bed again?"

"Gonna bite me again if I do?"

Kimberly opened her mouth to retort, then closed it. She smiled at him. "You know what, Tommy? Yesterday, when you sent Kira after me—yeah, I figured it was your idea—I realized something. The whole reason you're getting under my skin is because of the fight. I could care less about your agenda; I just want to kick your ass. Well, now I've got a better plan. No more fighting. I'm done, Tommy boy. I quit. I'm giving up. Try to goad me all you want, I'm not gonna take the bait. From this point on, I could care less about kicking your ass. So you can kiss mine."

Tommy snorted. "That's a nice speech, Kim. But it's complete and utter bull. You know you can't back down. If you could, you wouldn't need to show off the fact that you still have my shirt."

"I'm not."

"Right. You're just wearing the same thing two days in a row for the first time in, let's think… oh yeah, ever. Because it's such a comfy shirt. With its ripped sleeve the fact that it's six sizes too big. You wouldn't be wearing a skirt you just stole back from me, either."

Kimberly rolled her eyes. "There you go again. Trying to goad me. Into giving back your shirt, no less. Well, it's my shirt now, and it's not going anywhere. And by the way, stop with the little pseudo wannabe-evil crap. It doesn't make you any more enticing."

"No big deal. I think I'm already enticing enough." He grinned at her. "Newsflash, Kimberly… giving up is just gonna make it easier for me."

The bathroom door opened. Trini came out, toweling off her hair. She stopped when she saw them staring each other down. "Am I interrupting?"

"Nah. You're kind of inconsequential at the moment." Tommy took a moment to savor the affronted look on Trini's face at that little remark, then turned and headed for the door. He looked back over his shoulder at Kimberly. "You have been warned," he told her, and waltzed out of the room.

"Yeah, well, that line was a lot scarier ten years ago!" Kimberly shouted, hands balled into fists. Ignoring her newfound resolve to let his little games roll off her back, she stomped over to the door and yelled after him as he walked casually down the hall. "And by the way, that thing with the ice machine was totally lame!"

Tommy didn't even dignify her with a response. Kimberly went back inside and slammed the door. "You okay?" Trini asked, wincing at the loud sound of the door banging shut.

Kimberly glared at her. "This is all your fault."

"How? And what is all my fault?" Trini demanded.

"Never mind, Trini. Just never mind." Kimberly sighed. "Dear god, I need a vacation."

"Seriously, how was I supposed to know the Tommy/Kim rules?" Adam demanded. Jason, Billy, Zack, Rocky and Adam were lounging in chairs out in the lobby, avoiding Tommy and Kimberly for the time being.

"Yeah, well, we didn't think you'd be stupid enough to mention Jake," Zack grumbled, glaring at him. "I think my life flashed before my eyes."

"I wish I could have seen the look on his face," Rocky said with a snicker.

"I sure don't," Billy said fervently.

"Still, to just run off like that," Rocky continued, shaking his head. "All you did was say the guy's name."

"You're one to talk. I was glaring at Conner and you ran like a bitch," Jason pointed out with a smirk.

"Yeah, well, there's bravery, and then there's survival instinct," Rocky joked.

"So how did Tommy react to your explanation, Jason?" Billy asked.

As if on cue, Tommy appeared in their midst, grinned, and announced, "I kick ass."

"Not ours, right?" Zack asked. Everyone looked at him. "What? Just checking."

"No, not yours, Zack. Kimberly's," Tommy clarified, dropping into an empty armchair with a self-satisfied smirk. "I've got her ready to gouge my eyes out."

"Either I've fallen far behind in terms of modern Earth customs, or that's supposed to be a bad thing," Billy said dryly.

Tommy waved his hand dismissively. "She's mine. She's going down."

"How come when we hooked up with those axe-murderers yesterday, it sounded a whole lot less violent than you and Kimberly lately?" Rocky asked.

Tommy shrugged. "Guess you just weren't doing it right."

"Or you're just incredibly weird," Rocky retorted.

"So, just so I can have a hope of lessening some of the confusion, what is up with you and Kimberly?" Adam inquired.

"It's simple. I'm going to get her back. She's going to put up a good fight. It's going to be fun."

"I'm starting to think that all of us are losing our abilities to handle a problem with conventional methods," Billy commented.

"Says the guy living on an alien planet," Rocky teased.

"By the way, are you going with Adam, or coming to the mall with us?" Tommy asked.

"I think I'm gonna stick with Adam. He just got a new waterslide on his pool; wanted to give it a go. Not to mention there's a great tea shop in Chinatown I wanna hit."

"Could you please stop mentioning tea?" Billy groaned. "Between your negative reaction to the water and beer and Kimberly and the male stripper, I—"

"What?" Tommy cut in.

"Nothing," Billy said quickly.

"You mean Kimberly had something to do with the male stripper?" Zack demanded. "I thought that was all Adam."

Billy sighed. "Shortly before I repaired the ice machine—"

"What was wrong with the ice machine, anyway?" Tommy asked. "I think Kimberly thought it was my fault."

"Yeah, she mentioned that," Billy said. "I tried to point out that you would have been expecting an attack from the other side of the hall—"

Jason cleared his throat. "The ice machine was my bad."

"You? Why would you booby-trap the ice machine?" Billy asked.

"I didn't booby-trap it, I—"

"Hey, guys!" called Trini, strolling up with Kimberly and the four teenagers. She pecked Jason on the cheek and smiled at him. "So. Before we head out, Jason, I was hoping you could tell me where you were last night."

Jason winced, then glared around at the guys. "All right, who squealed?"

"They didn't have to. You happened to marry an intelligent woman," Trini told him.

"Now who's failing to be brave?" Rocky said with a smirk.

"Can it, Teapot Boy," Jason retorted.

"I'm waiting, Jason," Trini said sternly.

Jason took a deep breath and opened his mouth to reply, but just then a bunch of college-aged kids wandered by. One of them saw Jason and pointed him out to the others.

"Look! It's Random Heroic Dude!"

As one, the six kids thrust their fists in the air. "Random Heroic Dude!" they all cheered.

Jason raised his fist to them. They called out a few more words of praise before going on about their business. Jason turned back to a startled Trini. "It's a long story."

"So let's hear it, Jase," Tommy said in amusement.

Before Jason could say anything, he heard someone passing by behind him say, "So then I told the idiots to stop yelling about the suicidal ninja stripper, and I look down, and there's three dollar bills crumpled on the balcony. I guess they must have fallen down from another balcony or something."

Tommy cringed. "On second thought, let's just focus on getting the hell out of here."

"I was actually kind of thinking of grabbing breakfast here, so I wouldn't have to stop on the way to the airport," Adam said.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Conner said. "I'm starved."

Tommy was about to make a case for getting out of the hotel when the elevator doors slid open and he glimpsed Taylor and Brandy exiting. "I'll go see how long the wait to get seated is!" Tommy half-shouted, bolting out of his chair and running flat-out for the restaurant.

"What was that all about?" Ethan asked, just as Taylor and Brandy walked by, squinting at Tommy's retreating form.

"Was that the suicidal ninja stripper?" Brandy asked.

"Who cares? Good riddance," Taylor replied.

"I care. He owes me two dollars," Brandy insisted.

"You should really complain to whoever you called to hire them. The first one jumps off the balcony, the second one is late… thank god you only ordered the two. The third one might have been a serial killer or something."

"I told you, I only ordered one! I have no idea why we got two!"

The girls passed them by. "Um… what was that all about?" Zack asked.

"Tommy's decided to get a summer job," Jason quipped. Trini snorted, trying not to laugh. The others looked at them in confusion.

"Tell me there's a logical explanation for that," Billy begged.

"I don't know about logical, but I'll fill you in later, yeah," Jason said.

"Did he try to pay you for a hug with dollars from his waistband, too?" Trini asked Jason.

Jason stared at her, slightly horrified. "Um, no. I heard it from a friend of a friend. Dollars in his…?"

Trini nodded. "When he woke me up from my wonderful little dream about you and me stealing a boat and—"

"Trini, please do not illegally acquire another boat," Billy said. "I imagine that, in the event of a shipwreck, it would be far more difficult to transport you to a fully-functional sea-faring vessel without the teleportation capabilities of the Command Center."

"SUPERSTITIOUS GREEK FISHERMEN!" Trini shouted.

Kira pulled her notepad out of her pocket. "And we're adding that one to the list of things to make them tell us about later."

"And why does everyone keep saying it'll be harder?" Trini ranted. "Why the hell won't it be impossible?"

"Nothing is impossible," Billy replied. "Theoretically, all the necessary components for achieving teleportation capabilities would be easily acquired. It's simply a matter of finding the right power source, which would take a little longer without one readily available."

"Well, that's good to know," Zack said cheerfully. "Getting shipwrecked on a deserted island is the sort of thing you should only do once."

"There goes that fantasy," Trini muttered.

"Um, not to interrupt, but can we get back to the part wherein Tommy tried to pay Trini for a hug with money he earned as a stripper?" Rocky asked hopefully.

"Reefside High definitely hires some weird-ass people," Conner said. "I mean, first Principal Randall was a crazy evil villain, and Mesogog himself was our substitute teacher, and Dr. O's a Power Ranger and now a stripper. What do you think the other teachers are doing once the bell rings? Wrestling alligators and selling cocaine?"

"I'd rather not think about it," Kira told him dryly.

Marco looked up in surprise as a guy approached the restaurant counter and collapsed in the stool next to him. "Whew. Seriously. Bachelorette parties really should be made illegal," the guy complained.

"Tell me about it," Marco agreed. "Women are insane."

"Every last one," the guy agreed heartily.

"Why are you anti-bachelorette, by the way?" Marco asked.

"Oh, just… bad experience. You?"

"They're the bane of my existence, is all."

The guy laughed. "I think they just became the bane of mine."

"You have girl troubles or something?"

"You could say that," he said dryly.

Marco smiled. He'd seen a lot of this sort of thing in his line of work—pre-wedding jitters often started with the parties, when the bride and groom spent a lot of time alone with their closest friends, got drunk, and started poring their hearts out. Marco had always felt a lot of sympathy for the guys whose engagements went sour after the bachelorette party. More so than he did for the guys who blamed their fiancé's cold feet on the stripper and tried to give Marco a black eye. "That bad, huh."

"Yeah. I think it's fixable, though. I mean, all couples have problems, right?"

"I guess."

"Just part of being in love."

"If you say so. Personally, I think being single is the way to go. All of the benefits, none of the hassles."

He shook his head. "You have to pay for dinner more."

"Nah, you just have to find girls with that 'I can provide for myself, I don't need a man' thing going on," Marco joked.

"Marco!" a girl called.

Marco turned. "Kimberly! Hi!"

"Hey! I'm so sorry we didn't get to talk last night before we got separated. And I'm really sorry about nailing you in the forehead with Zack's cell phone. I just didn't want to get discovered."

"No big," Marco told her. He was just glad to see her again. Hot, strong-willed, smart, crazy, and glad to see him. What could go wrong?

Kimberly squeezed in between Marco and the guy he'd been talking to, smiling brightly at him. "Thank you so much for helping me one-up my evil ex-boyfriend. Tommy can be such a jerk sometimes!"

"Any time," Marco told her. "Asshole ex-boyfriends are my specialty."

Kimberly grinned at him. "By the way, I just love that shirt. It looks so good on you."

Marco thanked whatever god had given him the foresight to go out to his car and change out of that stupid cop uniform before coming into the restaurant for a bite to eat. "Thanks. You look great yourself. But then, you probably knew that."

Kimberly giggled. "Hey, you know, I kind of have to go, got plans with some friends, but if you ever want to get together some time and, you know, not commit breaking-and-entering to… steal my clothing…"

Wow, she was flirty today. Even more than last night. "Sounds like fun," he told her. He grabbed the receipt for his meal. "Got a pen?"

Kimberly glanced around for a moment, then leaned across the guy on the next stool to grab a ink pen lying on the countertop. "Here."

Marco wrote down his number and handed Kimberly the receipt. "Call me sometime."

She took the pen from him, tore the receipt in half and scrawled down her own phone number. "Or you can call me," she replied, giving him the sort of smile that made him wish every hotel room in Angel Grove wasn't currently booked. "And thanks again. See ya."

"Yeah, see ya," Marco called happily.

"You know her?" the guy next to him asked in an oddly strangled tone.

"Not as well as I'm hoping to," Marco replied with a smirk.

The guy frowned at him for a moment, then said, "By the way, my name is Tommy."

"I'm…" Marco trailed off, a sinking feeling fit for the Titanic washing over him. Tommy. As in Kimberly's idiot ex-boyfriend Tommy. Who already hated bachelorette parties. Probably because of the stripper.

Without another word, Marco dove off the stool and sprinted for the exit. He made the mistake of glancing over his shoulder to see if he was being followed and realized two things—yes, he was being followed, and he shouldn't have wanted to know in the first place.

"Hey! It's the stripper!"

Marco looked around and saw the angry guy who'd caught him last night, standing by the door with his crack head friend, the blond guy who'd busted into the room, the kid from the cot, and a gaggle of other people. Including Kimberly.

"Save the stripper," a guy in red called, and the moment Marco passed by them they leaped behind him to block Tommy's way. There were several pained thuds and one snarl of rage, in addition to a maniacal cackle that might have come from Kimberly. Marco didn't bother to look back as he raced through the restaurant door and kept going, resolving to never, ever even think about Kimberly again.