A/N: If you're reading the first half of this chapter and you're thinking that it feels a bit jarring and that the pacing is a bit off, bordering on awkward even, good. I have succeeded. This chapter(the first half) doesn't read like any other chapter in this story. It's short(Which is why it's out so quickly), fast paced, and feels a bit uneasy, but I did this on purpose. I am but a novice, but I'm trying to flex my writing skills a little bit here by changing up the style and formatting to create a mood, a mood that reflects Ichigo's state of mind. Theres a butt load of symbolism and all that jazz. I messed around with a lot of syntax, used a lot of fragments and varying sentence lengths, and jumped around abrutley. It's also pretty stripped down(Again, the first half), lacking a lot of my usual flowery language that I use.(Mostly. A zebra can't change it's stripes.) So just bare with me guys. Hopefully, you can enjoy it for what it is, or at least, for what I'm attempting to do. I wrote this in two days, so I can't say it's perfect. In such a slow paced and detailed story, this kind've change can feel, as I said, jarring, but it can also hold a lot of weight. Tell me what you think!
On a lighter note, these stubborn boys are getting just a tad bit closer to realizing their feelings. Hmm, I wonder who will realize it first. ;) Maybe you can guess.
Tearms:
Reishi: Sprit particles. Basically what we would consider atoms. Their the smallest unit of life, and all things in the spiritual realm are made of them.
Song: "Breath me" by Sia.
Even God's Cry in the Dark.
xXx
"Be my friend.
Hold me, wrap me up,
unfold me.
I am small and needy.
Warm me up
and breathe me"
xXx
It was just a moment. The briefest of flashes. Suspended in between sleep and consciousness, swallowed up by a hand spun silk duvet, bewitched by wafts of jasmine, captured and blissfully oblivious in the face of the analeptic calm that was the Kuchiki estate, Ichigo felt at peace.
Illusions shattered. Awareness sounded upon him like a blaring siren. His eyes popped open and his feet hit the floor.
Halcyon days were no more.
In a blur of mindless movements, Ichigo was purged, filled, and garbed. He was ready. Flash steps left everything in an indiscernible swirl as he dashed through the desolate halls of the mansion. With no one to watch out for, he sped up.
In moments, he arrived on the steps of the manor. His eyes had to adjust to the haze of sorrow that filled to milieu. Everything was still, and there was a deep seated, almost tangible quietness that felt wrong to the senses. Even the birds fell silent.
At the bottom of the steps stood Rukia obscured by rolling billows of fog. Ichigo approached the solitary girl. She stayed motionless as she looked at the drab sky opening up. There was no sun to be seen.
As a raindrop kissed her cheek, she closed her eyes and said, "Even the sky is in mourning."
"We'll meet up before the memorial, I have some things I need to do."
She frowned. "What could you possibly have to do today?"
"Just things. Don't worry, I'll see you later."
"People are gathering mementos to put around the tree's Nii-sama planted. People heard about them and started pouring their reiatsu into the seeds, so they've started to grow." Her eyes stung in an unusually naked way that had Ichigo averting his gaze. "I thought we could go through Renji's things together, pick out something to bring."
"Maybe," he clipped and forced a smile. "I have to go."
And in the blink of an eye, go he did.
Ichigo jumped from roof to rocky roof, most barely holding up after the damage they received in the war.
Thoughts seemed to rocket in and out of Ichigo as fast as his steps. They were forced and uneasy. Distractions. They did not sound like him. His actions imitated normalcy on this very not normal occasion. They were spurious and fast, robotic even. They were stiff choreography, awkward in their perfection.
'What will I say when I get there?'
Faster.
'I'll get him to leave today.'
Jump.
'I wonder what he'll say about my plans.'
Breath
'And if he'll go to the..'
Think of something else.
The depressive prison cells were equally as barren, guarded by only one man.
He walked up to the man whose face was chilling sedated. "Ishida," was all he said.
The guard simply nodded and opened the door. Together they walked down a corridor of empty cells. Ichigo focused on the cold prickling of his skin, and the echo of his footfalls in comfortless enclosure was all he could hear.
In front of the only occupied cell, they halted. "It's unlocked," the guard muttered, before walking off.
Ishida Uryu was situated on a futon pressed up against the back of the wall. Ichigo's eyes locked with those of the sequestered man.
"Kurosaki-san, for what do I owe this honor?" Ishida's whole demeanor reeked of sarcasm.
"I'll do you the honor of letting you walk out of that cell before I kick your ass out of it myself."
The man snorted, but noticed how unusually tame the other was, even while dishing out threats. "I see you still think you can punch through all your problems."
"It's always worked for me in the past." When the quincy said nothing, Ichigo's throat clenched with controlled hostility. "You have to come today."
Uryu blinked a few times. "The shinigami's don't want me there."
"Who gives a shit about what they want? Renji would want you there."
He looked pointedly into Ichigo's eyes and noted how they looked as estranged as his own. " He doesn't want anything. Renji's dead," he uttered carefully.
Ichigo's hands rattled. They needed to grasp onto something. A hilt. A throat. Anything. They finally decided on the smut varnished bars.
The way Ishida said it, tentatively, almost timidly, like he was coaxing an unstable mother out of denial after the lose of a child, it was insulting. Ichigo knew. How could he not? Yes. He knew.
He did not dwell, but he knew. So he refused to be handled like a cracked vase on the verge of shattering because of that.
"So what," Ichigo growled, "you're just going to sit in this cage for days on end, right?"
"The quiet is nice," Ishida sighed.
His hands loosened a bit. "I'd usually agree, but lately, it's fucking maddening. You already know what you're going to do, Ishida-san, you're just hiding out."
The quincy pushed up his glasses and gave a full body sigh. "You're right, Kurosaki, I do know what I'm going to do."
A hush fell over them once more. This day was full of strained silences. Each one more throttling than the last.
"You don't have to do it," Ichigo whispered, and Ishida jolted as a result.
"Usually I'd tell you to take responsibility, but this.. you didn't ask for any of this."
"No one asked for anything that happened in the war," Ishida quivered.
"I know you will though, you'll do it." He smirked at the questioning look thrown his way, reasoning, "Too much quincy pride."
"It's what my Ojiisan would want. He always talked about it, a world where quincys and shinigamis respected each other. I can't walk away from this." A pause. "You don't have to either, you know?"
Ichigo cocked an eyebrow in confusion. "I overheard one of the guards gossiping about how you took a position in the Gotie, under Kuchiki Byakuya of all people."
"..I.. wanted too." Vaguely, he explained, "A lot of stuff has happened."
Ishida found his footing, saying, "I won't ask you to explain." He walked over to the bars, stepping from the shadows for the first time. "If you're willingly working for Kuchiki-san's brother, It be a humiliation to sit here hiding out any longer."
A jarring laugh left Ichigo, making Ishida frowned defensively. "And what's so funny?"
"Ah..shit..you just look..so much older."
Ishida snorted. "Because you look so much better? For a moment, I thought I was looking at your father."
"I change my mind, stay in that damn cell," Ichigo scowled.
The quincy rolled his eyes and stepped out. Neither moved to leave. "I'll help you," Ichigo finally said.
Ishida perked an eyebrow. "This isn't exactly your area, but If I need someone to be punched, I'll let you know."
"I'm not kidding, Ishida-san. You have a responsibility, but I have one too." Boldly, he exclaimed, "It really get's on my nerves how everyone treats me like I'm some celebrity, but I realized, I have a chance to make my time here worthwhile. Intolerance got us here in the first place, and the war only made the shinigami more fearful of outsiders. I'm part quincy, shinigami, and hollow, and people respect me here. I can't walk away from that. Maybe..I could help mend some bridges."
"You.." he baffled, "..want to play politics?"
Ichigo shrugged a shoulder. "What? Like it's hard."
"It takes tact, patience, charisma, none of which are your most attuned traits."
"Hey! I'm charismatic."
Ishida snorted. "You have the charisma of a table lamp. You're rather aloof or scowling a good ninety precent of the time."
"So what," Ichigo howled, "you're saying you don't want my help?!"
"On the contrary, you do seem to have this uncanny ability to make people believe in you, follow you even. So," Ishida looked up resolutely, "I'll believe in you too."
Ichigo smiled. A real smile. "Let's get out of here, this place is giving me the creeps."
"I found it soothing," Ishida confessed, taking quick steps beside his friend. "It's less terrifying than what we're going to face out there next. I always thought, after the war, if we survived, things would go back to normal."
"I guess..normal just wasn't in the cards for us."
With no words, the two men swiftly made their way to the exit, united in friendship, isolated by their pain.
Ishida turned facing away from Ichigo. "I'll be watching from the shadows. I won't be the reason there's a huge uproar at the memorial."
Ichigo stay silent. There was no need for words. But before he moved away, Ishida asked, "Kurosaki-san, how is Inoue-san?"
The air instantly felt like sandpaper. Ichigo frowned, feeling cold against the warm drizzle. "She took everything pretty badly. But you know Inoue-san, nothing can bring her down. She's always smiling."
"Perhaps on the outside, but that is what makes her so strong, the way she shines through all the darkness around her."
"..You should go visit her soon. You were always better at reading her than me, spent more time with her than me. She needs someone like that right now."
"You don't need to big brother her. Inoue-san doesn't need anybody," Ishida asserted, "but I'll go anyway, because I want to." And with that, the two went their separate ways.
Over a thousand corpses went up in flames, and though Ichigo never wanted to know such a smell, he knew he'd never forget.
The scent was carved into his memory.
Charred flesh tickled his nose. Rain, steady and unforgiving, poured. Wet Onslaught and crinkling flames were the only sounds. Rukia's body shivering against his was the only feeling.
Like a mantra, he repeated, "It's going to be okay" to the crying girl. It was a truism. An anchor. Comfort.
A distraction.
The deadly pyre raged against the reviving downpour. It did not falter. It did not back down. He watched the two elements battle for dominance in a daze. The rain never had a chance.
"It's going to be okay."
There was no solace or closure yielded from the scene. It was dark and morbid. He felt hauntingly numb at the sight.
Cold.
Distant.
Uneasy.
"It's going to be okay."
There seemed to be patches in his memory. Intervals of pure blackness. When did he get here? How?
He looked around at his comrades. Byakuya stood under an umbrella. His eyes were closed, and he felt both simultaneously remote yet consoling.
"It's going to be okay."
A drunk looking Ikkaku stood nearby. Misery was as blatant as his intoxication, and Zaraki, for all of his callousness, held the man up.
Faces became blurred and lost in the showers. Suddenly, he was alone.
Blinded.
Cut off.
Even Rukia huddled against him had became indiscernible. Only the thrum of the girl's palpitating heartbeat gave evidence of her vicinity.
He was asunder. Alone in the darkness. It was only his senses and regurgitated platitude that kept him hinged.
"It's going to be okay."
Ichigo went stumbling across the Kuchiki garden. Shock was evident in his gaped features. That shove, it caught him off guard. That face, those disdainful purple eyes surging, it stopped the rapid, thoughtless ticking of time sweeping by.
It was so unceremonious, unforeseen, and unprovoked. The action jerked him.
If she wanted his attention, she had it.
"What the hell, Rukia? Mind telling what's gotten into you?"
"You," she pointed. "You're my problem. I'm sick and tired of you coddling me."
Ichigo stood bewildered. Beyond that, he was too startled to register anything else. "What?"
"Renji," she choked, "every time I bring him up, you change the subject." She inhaled sharply. "He deserves to be mourned!"
Ichigo sparked. Embers of searing outraged flickered inside his chest. Control became muddied. Composure seemed lost. "You don't think I mourn him!?"
"No, I know you haven't," she shot back. "You don't want to deal with it, with your feelings, with his death, but don't you think he deserves our tears?"
"Says the girl who always slaps me around when I'm feeling sorry for myself," he condescended. "Crying won't bring him back!"
Her eyes darkened with anger, and her reiatsu hissed. Face flushed and body shaking, in an instant, she delivered another blow to Ichigo's tightening chest. "This is different! You had people to save, a world to protect. Sorrow just got in the way. Renji.." she whispered, "he was our friend. I..I want to reminisce about him, laugh about all the goofy things he did, cry over him. There's no more battle, no one left to protect, just us and these memories we have to live with! I won't just forget him, and I'm sick of pretending like it doesn't hurt all the time. You're the only one I can talk to about this..and.. He was my..best friend..and he's just gone.." losing it, she bellowed, "and you're pretending like it never even happened!"
"Rukia," a steely voice emerged.
"Nii-sama.." she startled, looking at her impassive brother standing on the newly dampened earth.
"I believe you and Kurosaki Ichigo both have had a stressful day. You'll stay in one of my guest room for the evening instead of heading back towards your division."
It wasn't a suggestion.
"Nii-sama, I-"
"I will not tell you again. You are overworked and mentally taxed. Retreat now, and Fujita-san will show you to your usual room."
And retreat she did, leaving behind nothing but animosity and festered emotions.
Ichigo felt sticky.
Mixed up.
Volcanic.
Only an instant ago, Rukia was yelling at him dead in the face, and before he could even perceive what was really going on, she had vanished, leaving Ichigo upside down.
His thoughts were convoluted, his senses rewired, his body weak. Spinning and breathless, he attempted to keep up with the celerity of which the world hurtled on it's axis. He was losing pace, losing it. Composure, all the tethers that held him together, they dwindled.
'I just wanted to be strong for everyone..'
'I didn't want to lose it like this, get caught up in my own emotions.'
'I just..'
"Kurosaki Ichigo."
Ichigo snapped from his trance. "What?" he snarled.
Byakuya was a bolder, eyes unfixed, posture inhuman. His control, it taunted Ichigo. "Do you not think you are being..immature?"
That was it. That one sentence stirred a rage that could not be contained. "What!? I'm Immature? ME!?" He paced in front of the man. Back and forth. Side to side. He trampled the ground with a raw intensity. "Tch! What about her? I was trying to keep it together, stay strong for her. Everyone has enough to deal with without me blowing up at every little thing!"
"This is not strength," the noble insisted cooly, "you are volatile, ready to blow in an instant because you do not deal with your troubling emotions."
Byakuya spoke with candor. So matter of factly. It grated at Ichigo's last withstanding nerves.
He let out a mock laugh.
A harrowing dry chuckle.
"What the hell do you know? The Prince of Silence himself telling me how to deal with feelings. Fucking hilarious." His jaw tightened, but Byakuya remained unfazed.
"I know, this fact only cements how pathetic this truly is."
Without thought, Ichigo's fist flew into a nearby tree.
Again.
And again.
Over and Over.
"Bravo, Kurosaki, you are finally expressing yourself." Byakuya goaded, "Go ahead, destroy the whole garden if it appeases you. Perhaps once you are done, it will have filled the hole Renji's death left in you."
"Don't you fucking mock me," Ichigo warned, blood dripping from his fingertips.
"And once you're done here, if you are still unpleased, you can decimate my mansion also. You will hear no protest from I."
"Byakuya, I'm warning yo-"
"Destroy the whole world if you must, it will never destroy your sadness. There are not enough punches you can throw that will defeat the misery you feel."
Ichigo had heard enough. He grabbed the man by the fabric of his yutaka and looked into those wry, almost taunting eyes. His breath quickened, nostrils flared, and clutch tightened. His eyes stung with brimming tears and his heart rang like a time bomb.
"There's only one person I want to punch right now!" Ichigo yelled.
"If you feel the need to hit me," Byakuya sighed and closed his eyes, "I will not stop you."
And then his eyes opened. Deep and vibrantly painful eyes matched his own. Those eyes were imploring, silently pleading. They were comfort and slate gray empathy, ablaze with fiery cinder. When Ichigo looked into those eyes, they cradled him. They wanted nothing but the best for him. They built him up.
"But I do not believe this is what you truly want."
And those words, they broke him down. His legs became wobbly, and his throat scorched. He fought for every breath as violent sobs besieged him.
'Breath'
He gasped.
'Damn it, breath..'
He sucked hopelessly as his heart tried to escape it's cavity. Lips trembled, stinging from saline.
'I can't..'
His chest caved in.
His skin was too tight.
'Stop crying, I need to..'
Heat consumed him. Everything was so constricting.
Lights.
Sounds.
They assaulted him.
The ground became weaker, and his body couldn't fight the weight of gravity.
'I'm going to pass out..if I don't..'
He did not trust his own feet.
Sinking.
Wallowing.
Down he went, drowning in the panic.
He clawed desperately onto Byakuya's chest as two strong arms wrapped around his waist and led them to their knees, letting himself crumble into the other ones protective hold.
In the chaos of the moment, Ichigo ended up seated with his back against Byakuya's chest and with the nobles strong hands overlapping his palms, one situated over his heart and the other his diaphram.
Byakuya arched his neck over the man's shoulder and tilted his face towards Ichigo's. "Kurosaki, look at me."
Ichigo did so without hesitation. He was still gasping, sobbing, throbbing from limb to limb.
He was ice cold.
Whirling.
Rasping.
Someone was choking him, he was sure. His body was trying to kill him from the inside.
"Follow my breathing."
Byakuya's voice was soothing. His chest and hands we're steadying. They reached him.
"In...out..in..out.."
These raging thoughts were trying to bust through his chest.
Ichigo struggled for each sharply drawn breath. They became longer, jagged, as if they could fall apart at any moment.
"In..out..in..out.."
The body wrapped around his, those bottomless eyes, they warmed him.
"In...out...in...out.."
His body tingled and melted against Byakuya's. His heart beat dropped. Fluid streams of soft tears flowed. Thoughts vaporized into a velvety, listless hum.
"Good. You're doing well."
His chest found it's normal rhythm. Everything stilled. His nose brushed against Byakuya's as he blinked a few time, looking deeply into Byakuya's eyes with his exasperated ones.
They gleamed with yellow.
They were happy, happy he was okay.
In those eyes, he felt safe and sound.
Gradually, bit by bit, time stopped spiraling uncontrollably.
Time stopped moving completly.
xXx
Ichigo wasn't sure how long he sat there, his head leaned against Byakuya's shoulder, enjoying the lull of the noble's reposeful heartbeat. It was a struggle not to fall asleep in the man's arms, as he now felt utterly drained of all the venom keeping him restless. There was no agitation, anger, nor elation, just a contemplative contentment.
He'd never engaged in something so intimate with a friend. Ichigo was never held like something precious. Never was he splayed out bare with all of his insecurities on display, only to have them accepted fully. He was always the strong one, the one cumbered by the burdens of others, because he felt as if he had to take on everything. Pound by pound, his legs couldn't withstand the strain. Now, collapsing within Byakuya's patient and forgiving touch, Ichigo felt weightless. In fact, if not for the man's arms encircled around his waist and his hands twining with Ichigo's, he was sure he might float away.
It wasn't since his mother that he felt such refuge in someone's proximity. It felt oddly similar, only not quite, and perhaps Ichigo should have questioned this, felt awkward in such a cherished embrace, but he didn't have it in him. He didn't care who saw or if it was taboo. He marooned all pretenses. He did not try to label or justify this comfort. He especially didn't take heed in the idea that this was somehow inappropriate or wrong. How could he, when everything about it felt right?
The most magnificent part of it all was that Byakuya let him. A man who put so much stock in appearances, he held onto Ichigo, settled in and never once attempted to coax the man up, because he knew Ichigo needed it. It didn't matter how it appeared from the outside.
Unlike all the other silences, this one felt creamy, euphoric. It seemed to exist within a vacuum that gave no credence to the world around them.
It was only when the sun set and the dark enveloped them that Ichigo noticed life was still shifting outside of their hold. "Ever since my mother died, I've always been like this."
Ichigo's voice breaking the muteness almost felt wrong after such a long span of time. His words were even more startling. Byakuya began to tell the man that he didn't have to tell him if he did not desire, but he knew Ichigo wouldn't have said anything if he did not want too. Just as Ichigo knew that Byakuya would never push him into speaking about what troubled him. It seemed Ichigo had something to say, some residue to scrap from his soul, and finally, he felt both compelled and comfortable enough to give it life.
There was a lengthy pause, but Byakuya stayed wordless, knowing Ichigo would continue when he was ready.
"I could never stand the idea of losing someone I cared for again, because I was too weak. I always wore a cool face, pushed people away. I never dealt with my emotions about things, and I just pretended like everything was okay." He scoffed in a self loathing manner. "That's the reason I broke down when my powers were stolen by the fullbringers and the Quincy king. I..just couldn't deal, I didn't even know how."
"I always hid behind anger and confidence. Anger was easier than being sad, I guess," he explained. "Expected. There's Ichigo, just being a hot headed brat. It was normal."
"But there was more to it," Byakuya concluded.
Ichigo nodded and reflexively tightened his hands around Byakuya's. "After the war, seeing all the misery, I don't know, I thought it was time to grow up a little. I guess I was just fooling myself."
Byakuya sat ruminating, and Ichigo could feel his balmy, sweet breath caressing the back of his neck. "I do not think there is anything wrong with the way you are." Ichigo warmed even more at that. "Of course, growth is important, and there is always room to better oneself. It is just..If you suppress parts of yourself, you are only doing just the opposite. You can not simply squander these emotions, because in the end, it will only hide who you truly are. They are apart of you."
'Trust that I know this from experience.'
"I wish it was that easy for me," Ichigo muttered.
Softly, soberly, Byakuya said, "If you find the world to much, my mansion will always be a haven for you, Kurosaki Ichigo,"
A breath caught in Ichigo's throat at the meaning behind the words. He couldn't help but to smirk. 'You mean, you will always be there, Byakuya.'
"The same goes for you, Byakuya. I'm here, ya know, if you ever need someone to vent to." Byakuya said nothing, but that was okay, Ichigo knew there was gratitude in that lack of response. "Byakuya..I'm sorry..about what I said earlier. I shouldn't have shown my ass like that."
"You need not apologize, I am use to such flagrant ass showing from you." Hearing the noble curse for the first time ever made Ichigo chuckle and grin shamelessly. "And I suppose I purposefully instigated such a reaction."
"Yeah," Ichigo agreed, "but I get why you did it now."
"Sometimes it takes crumbling before you can reconstruct into something better," the noble voiced.
While at first, Ichigo felt a numbing calmness, drained from such a geyser of emotions, he now was starting to feel more attuned with his senses, with the sadness that plagued him.
"I.. miss Renji," Ichigo rasped.
Byakuya could hear the dewy tension in Ichigo's voice, and it banged at his own heart. "I, also, miss him."
"I just don't get it," Ichigo gritted, "he's just gone, and what does any of it mean? What do we get powerful for when it doesn't even matter?"
Byakuya sighed. He could understand Ichigo's feelings, for Byakuya was Renji's taichou. Along with numerous other members of his division, he failed to protect him. Renji, over something as foolish as loving Byakuya, met death prematurely.
"Have the clouds diminished?" Byakuya inquired.
Ichigo tilted his head up. "Yeah, why?"
"And can you see the stars?"
"Yeah.." Ichigo answered, obviously confused.
Byakuya closed his eyes and dipped his head, bringing it closer to Ichigo's. "Did you know that all of the materials in both the human and spiritual world, such as atoms and reishi, they only live today because of the death of a star? This is also true when a person dies, their atoms or reishi disperse and make something new." Amidst Ichigo's puzzled silence, Byakuya explained, "There is great dignity in death, because whenever something dies, their matter gives way to new life. Just as you hold atoms from the ashes of that first star, from hundreds of those who have lived and died before you, Renji will also do the same for others."
Byakuya was close enough to Ichigo to hear muffled tears escape him, and he tightened his arms around the young man. "I know this fact does not abate the pain, and I will not pretend as if I have not been touched by my own remorse and guilt." Hesitantly, he said, "It was I, after all, who caused the explosion in which took the lives of so many." Ichigo's chest clenched at that. He hadn't even remembered that or thought of how heavily such a thing must have sat on Byakuya's heart. "However, when there is life, there will always be death, and when there is death, there will always be life. Renji both gave life while he was alive and when he died, and it would be a dishonor to his name to suggest that his death was meaningless. Just as you would not blame me for his death, you can not blame yourself."
'I wish I could just think like that. Even you, Byakuya, I'm sure you'll always feel that guilt too, even if it's illogical. It's just the kind've men we are, but still…'
"Thank's Byakuya, that made me feel better." He smiled subtly, lifting his head up to look at the other man. "I didn't expect you to get all philosophical on me."
"This is not philosophy, but the basic laws of physics. Perhaps you should roam around the Kuchiki library and attempt to read a text book."
"Why would I do that when I have you?" Ichigo quipped, "You're like a walking encyclopedia."
"Is this you admitting that I am more intelligent than you?" Byakuya smirked just barely.
"No," Ichigo chuckled, "just that you're slightly more entertaining than reading a science textbook."
When the noble returned a shallow yet earnest chuckle, Ichigo's heart fluttered. All of a sudden, he became painfully aware of their position, making his gut twist and his face flush. Every bit of that calmness morphed into an awkward bashfulness that he'd never experienced before with anyone else.
It was different when it was comfort, but this extended beyond that. Holding one another, It was pleasure, an unadulterated joy that had came so naturally and freely.
Ichigo cleared his throat and scurried to his feet a little too quickly for it to seem normal. If Byakuya was bothered, his face betrayed nothing, and it was too dark to see into his eyes as he looked down upon the man.
"We should probably go in," Ichigo gave an out of place chuckle, "before they think we killed each other out here."
Byakuya's face went hard as he stood and preened himself. After reaching into the pleat of his yutaka and pulling out his walking cane, he unfolded the device and nodded in agreement. "Yes, lets."
The two walked back together, and when the time came for them to go their separate ways, Ichigo felt that strange nervousness again, as if there was more he should do or something he should say. What, he was not sure of.
Quickly, he stammered, "Thanks Byakuya, I...enjoyedmytimewithyou. Good night!" before flashing away, biting his lip, and berating himself for how dumb that sounded.
Byakuya, slightly confused by the weird behavior, stood alone in the dark hall way. He understood though, they had been curiously tender with each other. Certainly Byakuya couldn't remember the last time he felt so close to someone, not since Hisana, but perhaps this was just the dynamics of an extremely devoted and close friendship. It had been such a long time since he had one, and never had there been one in which someone forced him from the comfort of his veneer to such an extent.
It was frightening and new, and his good senses knew he should pull away, but he also knew he wouldn't. It had gone too far, and frankly, he just didn't want to. These feelings towards Ichigo were enigmatic, but one thing was certain, Ichigo was his friend. Not that Byakuya would tell him that.
Before he retreated to his room, the tiniest smile lit up his face. "I, too, enjoyed my time with you, Ichigo."
xXx
Tifanny91: Hello my lovely friend! As always, thank you for your sweet and thoughtful comments. I agree with you that Byakuya is a low key sweetheart. His wife was a commoner, so I always wondered how he met her. Perhaps on a mission or something, but either way, the fact that he could love a commoner so much to go against his families rules just shows that he's not this stuck up noble that everyone views him as. It also shows that he's not blind to the troubles of others. Their feelings are subtle, but at the same time, blatant. Just not to them. Ichigo's never been in love and Byakuya, even though he has, is sideswiped by the differences in those two relationships and the feelings attached to them(Because, as I said in this chapter, he see's Ichigo as a friend, so his mind will take a while to catch up with his heart. Also, I'm a firm believer that Hisana was never in love with Byakuya. It's up for debate, but I always thought it wrecked him.) Hmm, I think you're onto something about the orange in Byakuya's eyes, but how fun would it be if I ruined it for you? ;) Im glad you liked the cute fluff, this chapter is pretty much fluff overload, so hopefully you like this too!
Secret Companion: Yasssss, there is so much fluff in this story lol, but It needed it to counterbalance all the sadness. Thanks for the review!"
siwon611: First off, let me say, I'm really sorry about your lose. When something like that happens, theres no easy way to get through it or much of anything people can say to make it better. I'm honored that my humble piece of fiction gives you a moment to forget your troubles. It's reasons like this that I write fan fiction in the first place. Sometimes I feel lame that I put so much time into it, but knowing it makes someones day makes it worth it. Plus, only me and like one other fan fiction author are currently keeping this ship alive on this website. lol. No one writes for these guys much any more. Someones gotta do it. Thank you for your comment, love!
LustfulAvarices: Thank you! You flatter me :) Don't worry, you'll get so many hints. By the time they get together, I imagine people will be bloody frustrated. lol.
Magician Girl Mirani: Let me say that I'm genuinely flattered that you consider this one of the "good or enjoyable" Byakuya Ichigo fan fictions. It's also really cool to know that someone who is vision impaired actually reads this and even cooler that you think I do well by the subject matter. This is both a love story and a story about moving on from tragedy in all it's forms. So I'm worried about the balance and how much I make it about Byakuya's blindness, since there is so much other stuff going on. It'll always be apart of this story, his recovery, his frustrations, but as he grows, it'll become about more also. I'd definitely would love your feedback in the future, as someone who's keen to what it's like to be blind. Ah, in fact, your seeing eye dog gave me a great Idea. Funnily enough, I had already intended on having Ichigo get Byakuya a dog, only much later on, but now I think I'll have to alter this idea. Thank you for your lovely comment!