Author's Notes: A reminder, this story is set in June of 2004. If you want to get specific, we're using June 19, 2004 as the date for Power Rangers Day, so during this chapter it is currently in the middle of Thursday, June 17, 2004. OLaB began on June 5, and jumped to June 11 in chapter three, and eighty-one chapters later it's been almost six whole days.

Hard to believe, eh?

And as if that weren't scary enough, it has now been three whole years since we first posted OLaB. In that time, we've had a lot of fun, and according to you guys we've caused a lot of laughs and quite a few injuries. Here's hoping we can keep it up for many years to come.

Chapter Eighty-four

Burning at Both Ends

The pool patio was nothing short of chaos. It was a scene from a horror film—or at least a very bizarre parody. Conner was soaked, head to toe, standing in the three-foot-deep shallow end and determinedly washing a half-orange chimpanzee. Streaks of paint floated through the pool's once-blue water. All swimmers had abandoned the pool; the only living creatures in it were Conner, Farky, and Bulk, who was cradling a disgruntled Farky and cooing to him in baby talk while Conner scrubbed. Farky was thoroughly not happy, and still half-orange, but he put up with Conner's efforts. Skull, also soaked straight through, handed Conner supplies while Harriet, the day-shift hotel clerk who was all smiles for Zack, screamed incoherently at him and occasionally threw whatever item happened to be closest to her clenched fist. Skull was standing firm, gesturing to Farky and himself and the sign on the pool's fence that listed the rules for the pool area. A small cluster of security clerks stood off to one side, arguing amongst themselves, while a large cluster of maids, bellhops and miscellaneous hotel staffers grouped near the door, pointing and laughing. The other day-shift clerk, an older man who appeared to be close to tears, was trying to calm a couple of angry customers, while other customers—primarily locals and former locals—watched in amusement and sometimes fetched an item that rolled out of Skull's reach or got kicked away by Harriet.

Then, naturally, things got worse. A police cruiser appeared on the other side of the wrought-iron fence, pulling as close as it could get to the pool without damaging the landscaping, its lights flashing as two young officers climbed out.

The nine ex-Rangers stared through the glass, unable to do anything but let the horror wash over them. Slowly, in small, disjointed movements, they began to try to cope. Kimberly moved to stand next to Tommy and rubbed his back in jerky, absent-minded but nonetheless soothing motions. Billy unconsciously shifted back behind the others, so that the security guards wouldn't see his face and recognize him as the man from the incident with the biker. Kira pinched Trent and Ethan for the crime of leaving Conner unattended, but neither of them reacted past a wince. Eventually, Zack cleared his throat and pointed vaguely in the direction of the approaching cops.

"Hey," he said. "Wasn't he on the football team with us?"

It was like flipping a switch. Despite the inane, useless comment, the others suddenly woke up, spurred into action. Billy darted behind Tommy and crouched down, making sure no one could see him. Trent and Ethan began scanning the exits and mentally reviewing avenues of escape. Tommy's expression went from dark to black. Jason took a deep breath and clapped his hands together.

"Okay. Kimberly, you take Steven; Trini, his partner."

Kimberly pouted. "How come she gets the one with the hair?"

"Kim," Jason reprimanded. She jumped guiltily and nodded.

"Tommy, prepare to lecture. You'll serve as a good distraction. Billy, you still got some ninja power left, right?"

Billy nodded. "Enough."

"Okay. Zack, give your morpher to Trent."

Zack blinked. "Trent? Why?"

"Because I think he can think on his feet. I'm gonna need you to deal with the Harriet woman. Kira, Ethan, get in there and get as close to the pool as you can without letting on that you know Conner. When Trent shows up, grab Conner and run. Knock him unconscious and drag him if you have to."

"I like that plan," Kira said dryly.

"Trent, Billy's gonna take out the chimp. When he—"

"You're going toassassinate the cute little monkey?" Kimberly demanded, horrified.

"What? No! Billy's gonna grab it and take it back to the zoo. As soon as he's out of the pool area, Trent's gonna go in and tell them… something. Aliens, villains, evil spells, whatever. I don't care. You're creative, right, Trent?"

Trent was staring at Jason with a mixture of blind panic and determination. "Of course. I'm an artist," Trent said proudly, deciding not to mention that he was a sketch artist, not a writer. He took Zack's morpher. "How do I…?"

"Just hold it in front of you and say 'Mastodon,'" Zack told him.

"Okay," Jason continued. "Kimberly will play the role of hot chick from high school to Steven, Trini will throw logic at the other guy, Zack will calm down Harriet, Tommy will scream incoherently—"

"Conner die," Tommy growled.

"—Kira and Ethan will get Conner out of there, and I should probably stay out of sight of Steven and his partner, so I'll—"

"YOU."

They all turned. Marching towards them from the front entrance to the lobby was Jenny, Carrie's friend who worked night shift at the hotel. There were dark circles under her eyes, her hair was unstyled, her hotel uniform was rumpled and her expression was nothing short of livid. Her eyes locked on Jason like a targeting computer for a fighter plane.

"I'll stall her," Jason said, swallowing. "Go."

Hayley hummed to herself as she finished counting out the cash drawer. The café was doing brisk business—always did on school vacations—and this was the third time she'd felt it necessary to swap out the cash drawer already. With Anton's utterly efficient temps running around, she could sit in the office and count at her leisure; it was better than slow days with Trent on the schedule. Anton and Elsa had left to get some dinner; they'd promised to return at closing time to have a few last words with the temps and get any final instructions.

Typical, Hayley thought. She'd noticed many times in the past that ever since she befriended Tommy, her life alternated between calm and psychotic in random intervals, but intervals all the same. Crazy time, calm time, crazy time. The day after he'd set his hair on fire had been one of the most peaceful of her life, and she'd enjoyed a pretty damned calm week before he'd gone and gotten himself kidnapped by Mesogog and come back the Black Ranger. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts—I'm sure the minute I set foot in Angel Grove I'll be ready to pull my hair out.

Just as she'd started to return to humming, the office phone rang. She answered it automatically, forgetting that she had a well-oiled crew running around out on the floor.

"Hayley's Cyberspace."

"Hayley? Hayley, we've got a problem."

"Anton?" she asked, so startled she forgot to groan at the arrival of more chaos.

"Hayley, the laboratory's been breached."

"Tommy's lab?" Hayley hissed, bumping the mouse on the computer, preparing to power up the auxiliary command post for Tommy's lab. "The alarms aren't going off—"

"Not Tommy's lab, Hayley," Anton said tersely. "Mine."

Hayley frowned, confused. "Yours? Someone broke into your house?"

"No, not mine, mine… Mesogog's. Someone's on the island."

Hayley's jaw dropped. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. I have remote alarms systems, too. My butler called while we were at dinner, to inform me there was shrill beeping coming from the off-limits section of the house. I rushed home, but I can't connect to the island defenses—I assume they're offline, anyway."

"Why would anyone be on that island, though?" Hayley wondered. "It was destroyed, wasn't it?"

"Enough of it to my satisfaction, but I haven't been back to survey the damage. It's possible the Triptoids or similar things are running around loose. It's even possible a squirrel tripped a wire. Or it could be civilians, exploring—"

"Jeez, you have research on Tommy in that lab! On all of us!"

"Not to mention enough science experiments to make our lives rather miserable, should they fall into the wrong hands," Anton added grimly. "My fear is that it's another evildoer like Mesogog, come to gather resources. And without the Dino Rangers' powers—"

"We've got to go there, immediately," Hayley said, standing up and reaching for her purse.

"That's why I'm calling. Elsa and I are preparing to head straight there, via one of the remaining invisiportal conduits. If we're not back soon, please tell Tommy that—"

"I'm coming with you," Hayley interrupted.

"I don't believe that's wise. I know we're powerless now, but Elsa and I still remember how to fight—the basics of it, anyway. We spent a long time honing our skills while we were… well, evil."

"That's why I'm going and Elsa's staying here," Hayley said firmly. "She knows how to get to the island without the invisiportals; I don't, and who knows if Tommy would remember? If anything goes wrong, she can come after us, and she can lead the Rangers to us. You might need my technological skills, and I'm not exactly helpless. I might not have been a Ranger or a villain, but I haven't spent the last seven years with Tommy for nothing."

Anton hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Hayley insisted. "I'll be right over. I'll call Tommy and the others on the way, but I'm not sure I'll reach anybody—you heard the day they were having."

In spite of himself, Anton chuckled. "That's why I called you first. I figured involving Tommy would complicate matters, and I'm in a hurry. Besides, he'd probably try to tell me not to go and wait for Rangers to back me up, or some such precautionary measure."

"Good point," Hayley said dryly as she stuffed the half-counted cash drawer in her desk and locked it. "We'll let Elsa call him when we're on our way. I'm sure Tommy and his friends have other things to worry about."

The movie was really very good, but for Rocky and Adam it was far more unsettling than exciting. They'd chosen to go see The Day After Tomorrow, which had seemed like a good idea at the time, given why they'd gone running to the movie theatre. However, now that they were watching the world end onscreen and the characters fighting to stay alive in a brand-new ice age, their guilt was becoming harder and harder to ignore, as were their instincts, which screamed desperately that something was about to happen.

"Well," Rocky whispered, holding the popcorn tub out so Adam could take a handful, "at least it's not as bad as Independence Day was."

Adam shuddered at the memory of watching Independence Day with Rocky, Tommy, Jason, Trini and Tanya. There was nothing quite as disturbing to a group of ex-superheroes as watching aliens invade and wipe out millions of people before being stopped.

"Don't remind me," he whispered back, tossing the popcorn into his mouth.

"Shh!" came a loud hiss from the woman behind them. It was the eighth such time she'd hissed at them. They usually didn't talk so much during films—at least, Adam didn't—but making quiet jokes had kept them from thinking too deeply about abandoning Jason, Tommy and the others to search for Conner alone.

"You know," Adam whispered, more breathing in syllables rather than actually speaking, trying to be quiet, "I hope Conner doesn't end up, you know, in jail or anything. Illegal monkey and all."

Rocky grimaced. "Come on, man, don't remind me!"

"SHH!"

Adam rolled his eyes, trying to pretend he didn't care, but now he felt even guiltier, knowing that he was ruining the movie for the woman behind them on top of everything else. Just as he was considering asking Rocky if he'd like to leave and just play the ancient arcade games in the lobby for a couple of hours, a burning sensation, complete with intense pain, hit Adam in the butt.

Adam leaped up with a yelp, sure that the angry woman behind him had gotten her revenge by setting his chair on fire or something. He spun to face her, but the feeling of having his butt set on fire remained and the chair was still intact. She was staring at him in shock, and as he processed her genuine confusion through the agony movie patrons all around joined her in wondering just what was wrong with Adam, because his butt was lit up with sparkles of black, orange and white.

"Adam, what—" Rocky began, only to break off in horror as he realized what was going on.

The morpher in Adam's back pocket was apparently rather pissed off.

Adam realized it a second later, Rocky's wide-eyed panic tipping him off. Adam automatically reached into his pocket to remove his morpher and felt its energy singe the skin on his fingertips. Howling in pain, Adam yanked his hand back out.

"His butt's on fire!" one of the other movie-goers yelled belatedly.

"Put him out!"

"Rocky, help!"

"I don't know what to—argh!"

Rocky was suddenly diving out of the way. Adam had only a split-second to wonder why when the contents of a mostly-full large drink container emblazoned with the theatre's logo splashed against his back, soaking his jeans and creating an extremely bizarre blend of burning, cold and wet sensations.

"It didn't work!" someone shouted unnecessarily; lights were still flashing all over the place.

"It's okay, folks!" Rocky bellowed from the floor. "It's… it's a cell phone!"

"A prototype!" Adam yelled, grimacing and trying to choke back the pain. "It's malfunctioning!"

Rocky jumped up. "Come on, man, let's go!"

"Ow," Adam groaned, stumbling along the aisle, causing those sitting in the row below to lean forward with yelps of protest and those between Adam and the stairs to scramble out of the way.

"Enjoy the movie, folks!" Rocky called as he ushered Adam down the stairs, around the corner, down the ramp and through the door that led to the hallway connecting the individual screens.

"Jeez, is this what I did to Zack?" Adam whined, hooking his thumb in his waistband and trying to pull his jeans away from his body, but the jeans were too tight to manage it. "No wonder he won't stop bitching about it after all these years!"

"Can you get it out?" Rocky demanded.

"Gee, why didn't I think of that?" Adam said through gritted teeth. "I'll just take the morpher out and stop being in extreme agony!" Rocky gave him a blank look. "No, you idiot! I can't get it out!"

"Is this really the time for sarcasm?" Rocky shot back.

"I don't care what time it is!" Adam turned his back to Rocky. "Get it out, man, get it out!"

Rocky stared incredulously at the back of Adam's head. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Rocky, get it out!"

"I am not going there, man."

"Rocky!"

"Aw, man," Rocky complained. Wrinkling his nose in disgust, he reached for Adam's back pocket. "OW!" he screamed a moment later, popping his fingertips in his mouth to try to alleviate the searing pain now coursing through them.

"Get it out! Get it out get it out get it out!"

"I'm thinking!" Rocky bellowed. They were starting to attract a crowd of theatre employees, who'd wandered into the hall from the concessions area and were grouped together several yards away, but neither Rocky nor Adam noticed. Struck by inspiration, Rocky seized the bandana covering Adam's head and yanked it off. Wrapping the material around his fingers, Rocky reached for the pocket again while Adam whimpered long-sufferingly. Rocky made it a little closer to the morpher before the heat became too intense; grimacing, he jerked his hand away. "It's no good. I can't get it out!"

"Make it stop!"

"I don't knowhow!"

"Call Tommy! Call Zack!"

"Oh! Good idea!"

"Hurry!" Adam snatched the bandana back from Rocky and wrapped it over his own fist, biting down to keep from screaming.

Rocky dialed Zack, then Tommy, then Jason, to no avail. "Aw, damn! There's no answer! They must be dealing with—"

"I don't care what they're dealing with! I'm going to have to explain to Tanya how I got third-degree burns on my ass!"

Rocky cringed. "Come on, man, don't make me laugh! You're going to hit me if I laugh."

"Then help me!"

"I don't know how! Can you make it to the bathroom? Maybe if we put you in a sink and turn the cold water on—"

"If a gallon of Mountain Dew couldn't put it out, I doubt cold water can!"

"It's worth a shot!"

"I don't think I can walk, bro," Adam said pathetically. "I can barely stand."

Rocky sighed. "Well… I don't know what… can't we just wait for it to be over?"

"NO!" Adam screamed. "Make it stop!"

"I can't! I don't—uh-oh."

"What? What?"

"Well, um, I've got… some bad news."

"So tell me already!"

"Bro, it's burning a hole in your jeans."

"What?"

"It's not all that noticeable yet… but maybe in ten or fifteen minutes it'll burn enough of the pocket away to fall out and then hopefully it'll fall out of the pants and not in and just leave you with a big hole in your pants—"

"WHAT?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure it'll fall away from you! It probably won't get a chance to burn any other part of you!"

"Probably?"
"I…um… well… wait! Duh! Dude, take off your pants!"

Adam glared at him over his shoulder. "That's not funny."

"I'm serious, man! Your butt isn't on fire, your jeans are!"

Adam stared at Rocky in disbelief for a moment before punching his fist into the wall, shooting a disgruntled look at the seven or eight employees watching them from the end of the hall, and kicking off his sandals. "I don't believe this," he grumbled. "I'm gonna kill Zack."

"He didn't killyou," Rocky pointed out.

Adam made a face and tugged on his belt buckle. "I was saving lives, you know. He's dealing with an illegal chimpanzee."

"Good point."

"Um, excuse me?" called a guy from the cluster of employees. He was about three years younger than Rocky and Adam, but wearing a silver manager's vest. "I don't know exactly what's going on here, but—"

"Handle it," Adam croaked pleadingly at Rocky.

"Hi," Rocky called, taking a few steps towards the employees and trying to look as non-threatening as possible. He smiled brightly. "I know this probably looks pretty strange and everything—"

"What's wrong with that guy?" asked a short girl in the back, who was trying desperately to see Adam over her taller coworkers' shoulders.

"It's… a prototype cell phone," Rocky explained. "He's testing it, you see, and the phone just randomly started melting and apparently it's kind of painful, we're not sure what caused it, must be from putting it on silent during the movie or something, and now—"

"Hey," said a girl on the left, narrowing her eyes and squinting at Adam, who was now holding his jeans at arm's length and putting his sandals back on. "Isn't that Adam Park?"

"Tanya Sloan's boyfriend?" the short girl in the back asked eagerly. Adam was something of a local celebrity in his hometown of Stone Canyon, thanks to Tanya.

"Oh, man," Adam moaned.

"You know what? We gotta go," Rocky said hastily, turning around and rushing back towards Adam.

"Exit door," Adam said, jerking his head at the other end of the hallway. Still cringing in pain, Adam stumbled towards it.

Rocky caught up with him quickly; even without the morpher pressed against him, Adam was still in a lot of pain. Rocky grabbed his arm and hauled him along; they tried to ignore the excited chatter of the teenagers behind them.

"Any of them have cameras?" Adam whispered as they approached the exit.

Rocky glanced back the cluster of employees. "Not that I can see. Don't worry, man; Power Rangers Day will probably be dominating the news cycles."

"Here's hoping. Oh, god… tell me it didn't burn a hole in my underwear."

"Dude," Rocky said firmly, "I am not checking."

They reached the exit door and pushed it open. Adam glanced around hopefully, then sighed. "We parked on the other side of the building, didn't we." It wasn't a question.

"Yep," Rocky said apologetically. "End of the lot, too. Want me to go get the car?"

"Nah," Adam replied resignedly. "I'd probably attract more attention standing here on my own."

"Yeah, because walking around without pants is much less weird when your best friend's walking next to you," Rocky quipped, but he fell into step behind Adam, slowing his pace to accommodate for Adam's limping.

"I was thinking more along the lines of now I'll have someone to walk behind me if I see a reporter or a camera," Adam said dryly.

"Ah. I got your back, bro."

"Thanks." Adam sighed. "Well, at least we learned an important lesson today."

Rocky frowned. "…Never keep your morpher in your back pocket?"

Adam rolled his eyes. "Actually, I was thinking something to the effect of, 'Never abandon your friends.'" Adam glanced morosely at the wadded-up jeans in his hands, dripping pop and yet still warm to the touch, despite the fact that he'd wrapped the morpher up in as many layers of material as he could.

Adam shook his head, making a mental note to apologize profusely to Zack. He'd always thought Zack was being melodramatic whenever he complained about the double date in the French restaurant that Adam had ruined by attempting to go to Carlos's aid, especially since all Zack had lost was a potential one-night stand and a pair of pants. Even being forced to tell his cousin Curtis that he was an ex-Ranger was a blessing in disguise, allowing him to share his secret with a close friend. It amazed Adam that the sympathy he'd felt for Zack had been lost somewhere beneath the laughter.

Now, holding a pair of ruined jeans and limping around the movie theatre in his underwear while his best bud kept an eye out for reporters, Adam couldn't believe Zack hadn't even thrown a punch in retribution. Zack was one hell of a nice guy. Especially considering that Adam hadn't even needed the Mastodon morpher; he'd had a perfectly good Zeonizer at the time. Nostalgia had led him to take an unnecessary risk and Zack had paid for it.

Well, hopefully this little event would ease some of Adam's newfound guilt about the event. "Remind me to call Tanya's PR people when we get out of here," Adam said absently. He sighed. "They hate it when I do things like this."

Rocky chuckled. "Well, I guess karma really is a bitch."

Adam snorted. "You're telling me." He sighed. "Maybe I should go buy Zack some flowers or something."

Rocky gave him an odd look, then shrugged. "Okay, but if I were you, I'd put some pants on first."