I apologize for taking forever (over a year!) to update this story but I promise it will not happen again. Enjoy!
September 1975
"I think the two of you are absolute idiots for thinking that any part of this is a good idea."
Sirius forced a deep exaggerated frown onto his face as James gasped in shock. "You aren't going to join us?"
"No I am," Remus clarified. "I just want to go on record saying now that this is a horrible idea. We'll be lucky if we aren't expelled for this."
"You can only get expelled if you are caught," Sirius smiled as sat on a muggle bicycle that had been leaning against a large bookshelf. "And I for one have no plans to get caught." He adjusted his seating several times before standing up with a disgusted look on his face. "I never thought I would find something even more uncomfortable than a broom." He leaned the bicycle back up against the bookshelf. "How on earth do muggles deal with that?"
"I used to ride my neighbor's bicycle," Remus replied in a bored voice. "You get used to it."
Sirius shook his head forcefully. "No thank you."
James rolled his eyes as he retrieved the large bottle of firewhisky from its hiding space behind a large portrait that was on the floor, leaning against the wall.
"I also still think that it was rude of you two to leave Peter out."
"You are the one worrying about getting caught but you are mad that we left out the one person that would likely get us caught?" Sirius asked as he sat down on an old beat up armchair. He shifted his body, his back against one arm of the chair as his feet hung over the other.
"I'm not mad," Remus replied in a soft voice. "I just don't want him to be hurt."
"He won't know," James said as he pulled three cups out from behind the portrait. He quickly twisted the top off of the firewhisky and began pouring them each a generous amount. "Sirius and I will say that we had to go home for something and you say you were in the library all night."
Remus made a disapproving face; he hated lying to anyone.
"Look it's like you said," James quickly tried to rationalize. He knew that look on his friend's face. Remus was possibly the nicest person he had ever met and he didn't want him to feel bad about anything. "We don't want to get caught. The three of us are good at not getting caught, he isn't so much. The last thing we want is to get into trouble."
"Remus has probably never gotten into trouble in his life," Sirius said with a chuckle.
"I have," Remus quickly replied. He could feel his face growing warm at Sirius' words. He knew it was a stupid thing to feel insecure about, but he often hated that he was the best behaved out of his friends. There had been many times over their years at Hogwarts when he secretly wished that he had the guts to sneak through the halls at night or venture into the Forbidden Forest. He didn't though and no amount of teasing from his friends could change that. He was a worrier. He was cautious. He didn't like the feeling of being in trouble. He didn't feel the same rush that the others did from their adventures.
"Here," James said as he handed Remus a cup of the firewhisky. He could sense his friend's embarrassment. He couldn't help his instant urge to fix it. "I like how you are. I wish I could be more like you."
"I didn't mean anything by it," Sirius added as James handed him his own cup. He knew that he could be blunt. He also knew that occasionally he said things that were much harsher than he intended them to be. He often hated himself for how he could make others feel even if he didn't do so intentionally.
"It's just that I think my parents have been through enough with me," Remus tried to explain in a small voice. "I don't like to cause them anymore trouble."
Sirius felt an intense surge of guilt rush through his body. He had practically forced Remus into the Room of Requirements with them.
"Don't look at me like that," Remus said as he sat down on top of a desk that was missing its chair. "If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't have come with you. I would have told you no."
Sirius raised an eyebrow at these words.
"I would have," Remus declared with a firm nod. "I am not afraid to say no. Not even to Sirius Black."
James chuckled softly before taking his first sip of the dark liquor in his cup. He had never tasted firewhisky before. Several weeks ago in the beginning of the summer, Sirius had suggested that they steal a bottle from the pantry and drink it one night when their parents went out. James had instantly vetoed the idea. There were too many ways to get caught. He was daring but he wasn't stupid. They did take a bottle though. It was hidden in the attic for nearly the entire summer. His parents never noticed that it had gone missing. Three weeks ago when they had started packing to return to Hogwarts Sirius had buried it in the bottom of his trunk. Now here they were ready to spend their Saturday night trying the stuff for the first time and then spending the night in the Room of Requirement.
The intense flavor of the liquor filled James mouth nearly causing his eyes to start watering. He hadn't been prepared for such a strong flavor. He swallowed hard the liquid burning his throat as it passed through.
"You alright Jamie?" Sirius asked with a small laugh.
James nodded as he quickly took another sip forcing his face to remain normal this time. "I wasn't ready for it is all," he explained once he had swallowed.
Remus brought his own cup to his lips. James watched as his friend sniffed the contents before taking a small sip. He paused for a moment and then took another larger swallow.
"That's quite good," Remus smiled brightly.
Sirius laughed loudly at these words. "It figures you would like it." He picked up his own cup and swallowed a large mouthful as if he had been drinking it for years.
James couldn't help but feel slightly jealous of how much his friends seemed to like the firewhisky. He raised his glass and took another large drink hoping that by doing so he could magically force his taste buds to like the liquor.
"By the second cup it won't matter if you like it," Sirius said. "Once it makes everything fuzzy you won't taste it much anymore."
James almost asked how he could be so sure but he stopped himself just in time. He often forgot that Sirius had spent a good portion of his life with an alcoholic father. James was so used to Sirius always being with him that he often forgot that they weren't really brothers.
Sirius glanced at his best mate. He knew him so well that at time he could read his thoughts. It was both amazing and at times a curse.
"My dad told me once," Sirius clarified in a rueful voice.
James was all too familiar with his best mate's tone. It was the same one that was reserved for any mention of his real parents. James often daydreamed of running into them somewhere and telling them all about how amazing their son was and how much they were missing out on.
"Have you talked to Regulus lately?" Remus couldn't help but ask despite the fact that he could see the hurt in Sirius' eyes.
Sirius shook his head before taking another heaping drink from his cup. They had been back at school for nearly two weeks and he hadn't said two words to his younger brother. Just three days ago the two had passed each other in the hall. Regulus had gone out of his way to turn his head and act as if he hadn't seen his older brother at all.
Despite their parents, Sirius had always been close with his brother. Even after moving in with the Potters he and Regulus often talked and spent time together during the school year. Sirius couldn't help but think that those days were over. That his parents had somehow finally gotten through to the son that they loved. That Regulus now hated him too.
"Have you tried Siri?" James questioned in a gentle voice before taking another sip from his cup.
Sirius shook his head.
"He's just a little kid," James replied. "You can't expect him to-"
"He's a year younger than we are," Sirius cut him off in an annoyed voice. "So before you even say it yes I can expect him to know what he is doing and be responsible for his actions."
James was silent as he brought his cup to his mouth once more.
"Sirius," Remus said in a soft voice. He opened his mouth to continue but Sirius spoke before he could.
"I'm sorry," Sirius said as he looked over at James. "I didn't mean to snap at you. But you don't know what it feels like to have your entire family hate you. I just always thought that it was different with Reg. I never thought that that would change."
"It's okay," James nodded as Remus took another drink. "But stop saying that your entire family hates you because it isn't true. You have us and you have my parents and we do not hate you Siri, not even close."
Sirius smiled warmly at James before taking another drink. James knew Sirius too well though. He could see the hurt in his best mate's eyes. Over the years he had learned to read between the lines with Sirius to find the hurt and attempt to mend it.
James was always aware of how fortunate he was. He had parents who loved him unreservedly. He was healthy. He didn't have to deal with a condition that people often misconstrued into something a million times worse than what it really was.
"What's up with you and Evans?" Sirius asked changing the subject completely. "Is that finally going to happen this year?"
A blind person could have seen that Sirius was changing the subject before things got too sincere, before he could feel too much about his former family. Had they been alone James wouldn't have allowed it. Over the past year or so he had stopped allowing Sirius to run from his past. He had started to force him to talk about it. Although James hated seeing his brother so upset he couldn't help but think that it helped. That Sirius needed to talk about it to be okay in the end. Despite that feeling he wouldn't force him to do so in front of Remus. He couldn't put Sirius in a position like that, he wouldn't.
"Is what going to happen?" James asked before taking a large drink from his cup.
Sirius swung his legs off of the chair before pulling himself into a standing position. He laughed loudly as he crossed the room, picked up the bottle of firewhisky and refilled his cup. "Oh please you know exactly what I'm talking about. I've never seen anyone so obviously in love."
"Lily is lovely," Remus remarked as he passed Sirius his cup for a refill.
James brought his cup to his lips quickly finishing the dark liquor before he too handed his cup over.
"I'm not in love with her," James said once he had swallowed.
Sirius and Remus both laughed loudly at these words.
"What?" James asked. He could feel his ears burning in embarrassment. "I'm not!"
"You are," Sirius replied in a no-nonsense voice as he handed Remus and James their cups. "You can deny it all you want but you are."
It was moments like these that James absolutely hated how easily Sirius could read him.
"Don't worry," Sirius continued as he walked across the room and flopped back down in his chair. "I don't think she knows. Not yet anyway."
Sirius had known for months now. He knew that it was real love too. It wasn't the same as how he had felt about Sara Abbar all last year. He had often fantasized about pulling her into a broom closet and snogging her for hours. He didn't fantasize about spending the rest of his life with her, just snogging. He could tell just by the way James talked to Lily, it was more than that. He was thinking about more than just a snogging session. He wanted it all.
James shrugged. "I don't think she cares for me much." He was beginning to feel the effects of the liquor. He was beginning to care less about what he said and how it sounded.
"Probably Snivellus' doing," Sirius said with a disgusted look.
James instantly noticed Remus shift uncomfortably on the desk. While he wasn't exactly friends with Severus, he wasn't really mean to him or about him either.
"And what about you and Susan?" James asked referring to the Ravenclaw that Sirius had spent four months snogging last school term.
Sirius shook his head as he swallowed the liquor that was in his mouth. "She is way too serious."
"Doesn't just want to frequent secret passages with you for another term?" Remus asked before taking another drink.
"I'll have you know I was a perfect gentleman each and every time I was with her," Sirius said with an amused grin.
"That's not what I heard," James muttered with a smirk before taking another drink.
Sirius smiled widely at these words. "Well I never heard her complain."
The firewhisky was starting to relax him and he was quickly becoming more honest and open with his thoughts. Of course he was always honest and open with James. He couldn't avoid it. James often took the time to make him open up about things that he had never imagined sharing with anyone else. He hated doing it. He hated feeling so vulnerable. He hated crying. He loved how it felt afterwards though. He loved how James' friendship made him feel. He wondered how rare it was to have a friend who loved you unconditionally.
Remus as well. Although it was a different kind of friendship it was still something that Sirius cherished; something that he wasn't sure how he had gotten so lucky to have found.
"Your parents love you," Sirius suddenly said to Remus.
Remus looked at him in confusion.
James could feel his heart beating a little faster. He knew the look on Sirius' face.
"Earlier you said that you didn't like to get into trouble because you have already put them through so much and I get that but they love you. I doubt they mind anything else. I just think that you should realize that. They aren't like my parents you know? My parents would have likely left me in a forest somewhere if I turned into a werewolf." He paused as he shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just saying that you always say you want a normal life but normal kids get into trouble without thinking about it too much. Your parents probably wouldn't mind if you did too."
James brought his cup to his mouth as he read between the lines.
Sirius had once mentioned that James' parents were exceedingly forgiving. James didn't think so. He thought that their level of forgiveness was quite normal. He was their son after all. It was their job to forgive him when he apologized, even when he sometimes didn't. James didn't think it was uncommon for Remus' parents to love him despite his condition either. That's what parents did. A parent of a sick child didn't love their child any less.
"Siri," James said softly.
Sirius brought his cup to his mouth finishing the contents in it in one long gulp. "Forgot it," Sirius shook his head as he got up to pour another.
The silence of the room was deafening as James and Remus watched their friend.
"I don't care about them," Sirius said. "You know I don't," he added mostly to James. "I always thought that if I stayed angry at them it would hurt less but it doesn't. It never does."
James opened his mouth to reply but Sirius continued before he could.
"I know I have you two and your parents-"
"Our parents," James interrupted in a firm voice.
"Our parents," Sirius nodded. "And I am forever grateful for it. But the things they said and did," he paused for a moment and James could clearly see that he was fighting tears. "I can't make them go away. I can't make myself forget."
James felt his heart hurt for his friend.
He glanced over at Remus. He could see the concern on his face.
"Maybe that's the problem," James said softly. "Maybe you need to forgive them. Not because they deserve to be forgiven but because you don't deserve to carry around all that anger."
Remus nodded in agreement. "You are better than them Sirius. Unfortunately that means you'll probably have to be the bigger person."
Sirius shrugged as the first tear trickled down his cheek. "I didn't expect it from him."
James had an overwhelming urge to go find Regulus and kick his arse into next year. He knew it wouldn't do any good though. If his parents had truly gotten through to him there would be no point in trying to change his mind.
James was on his feet in seconds. He knew his next move was risky. Sirius would either accept it or push him away. He always tried not to be hurt when he was rejected. He knew that it wasn't personal. It was who Sirius was. It was who Sirius was constantly trying to run from; often not able to move fast enough to escape the old him completely.
James was pleased when Sirius accepted his hug, squeezing his best mate tightly in return.
A moment later Sirius pulled away, quickly brushing the tears from his face, the reality of the situation suddenly hitting him. "I'm sorry," he said as he picked up his cup. "I'm running our good time."
"You aren't," Remus insisted.
"I am."
"You are more important than a good time," James said.
Sirius shrugged. "I don't want to spend the night upset. We should be getting back to talk about Evans or sneaking around the castle or something."
James rolled his eyes playfully as he sat back down. "You think I want to spend the night being tortured about Lily?"
Sirius forced a laugh as he heading back to the armchair. "Better you than me."
He sat down before bringing his cup to his lips once more. His head was spinning from the liquor and the emotions circling through his veins. James was right; he did need to learn how to forgive his parents. He feared that if he didn't he would grow to be as cold as they were.
He didn't want to be anything like his parents when he was grown. He strived to be like the Potters. His only fear was that he wouldn't have a choice. That the Black blood in his body would force him to be like his own parents.
"You alright Siri?" James asked after a moment.
Sirius nodded with a small smile. James believed in him. He knew that he did. He believed that he would grow up to be the best person. It was an amazing feeling to have a friend like that. "Yeah, I'm okay."