A/N: Hey beauties. So this chapter is kind've long, but a lot happens and things are moving along nicely. The next three chapters, however, will all be really short. So except those relatively soon.
I think I characterize Ichigo a little different than most people. Because of what happened to his mom and his overall aloofness/ focus I think anything romantic will be difficult for him. I think he'll need a push. So hopefully you can understand why he acts the way that he does in this chapter.
I'm sorry if the editing is measly, but I only had time to proof read this once.
Terms to know
Taishi: Ambassador
Song: "Stay" by Rhianna
Good Vibes ~ Ashes
The Gray that Proceeds the Black
xXx
"Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay."
Several months came and went, days flickering by like the flipping of a light switch. The sticky, sun scorched days of August gave way to the chaotic tendencies of a temperamental September, a month teeming with rain storms and severe winds.
Ichigo found the weather unfavorable as it both kept them inside and evoked memories he'd rather leave in the past, but Byakuya didn't feel the same. Ichigo often found him silently situated underneath the overhang of his deck, eyes closed and mouth ajar, catching the taste of thunder on his tongue.
Byakuya said there was a song in the wrath of a storm, one it played for all the senses, and when it passed, leaving behind the scent of soaked earth and fresh beginnings, it felt similar to the euphoric resonance that leaves you soaring after the peak of a powerful crescendo.
These days were peaceful, and Ichigo began to look upon the rain with new eyes.
Then came the welcoming hand of October, where the leaves began to shed their skin, reminding Ichigo that the process of death could be beautiful all over again. There was nothing sickly or withered about the way specks of red and orange warmed up the waning landscape. Now in the thick of November, the land was canvassed by a sea of dull crimson, the foliage shinning it's most vibrantly as the last of its vitality dwindled.
Between his duties, Ichigo's days were spent mostly training with Byakuya, broken up by half hearted banter and nightly tea- or sake, depending on if the dexterity of the day called for it, and occasionally spending time with Rukia and other Shinigami.
He enjoyed sparring at night, their heaving forms thrusting under the choir of heavenly bodies. It wasn't like this in Japan, the lights of the bustling city blinding everyone from the world's greatest spectacle. Here in Soul Society, the sky was dripping with these posphoretic jewels. At times, they looked so close Ichigo thought he could reach out through the lightyears and touch other worlds. It was like having the galaxy in your backyard.
Byakuya said he was both humbled and comforted by the fact that, though they're death gods, there was still so much they would never know. Even at the apex of power and knowledge, they stood in awe of such an uncharted vastness, how it cradled secrets like it cradled stars. He said humanity needed a little bit of wonder to keep leveled.
It was the times he looked up at the night sky that Ichigo wished Byakuya could see the most, if only so he could share that magic with him.
December was near. Ichigo could feel it in the way the shrillness of winter seeped in and stole falls last bit of liveliness. Days passed a lot like seasons. Slowly, gradual changes sneaking in so subtly that the differences went unnoticed until they were upon you.
Something had changed in Ichigo.
He was content. Whereas, in the past, he was complacent at best, and he hadn't even realized it. The change was not a deafening roar, but a barely audible sigh. It was the difference between pelting rain and the soft stroking of wind. It was the differences between finding happiness and happiness finding you, between looking and stumbling upon. It was nuances, this change that he'd been nourishing inside of him.
There was something else though. Another change. No, not a change, but a thought. A thought that grew louder by the day, nagging away at Ichigo. A thought planted by Rukia's intrusiveness.
Ichigo waited for Byakuya to tell him he was marrying in the way a nervous husband anticipated bad news in a hospital waiting room, and everyday, he thought on why it bothered him so deeply. Surely he didn't want his friend forced into marriage, but it was something more.
Something more.
That was another thought that wouldn't leave him, Rukia's accusation. It was infeasible to Ichigo, the idea of romance with Byakuya Kuchiki. Not because they were men per say, but because Ichigo's heart shuddered at the complexities of such a sudden shift, not just with Byakuya, but with anybody.
However, Ichigo found himself undoubtedly drawn towards the noble, a fact he could no longer ignore. He heard once that some people needed strong emotional connections to bring about physical attraction, and perhaps that's why, for the first time in his life, he felt a distinct desire towards someone's body, but not just someones, Byakuyas. And not just a desire, but a yearning, because it had to hurt to be deserving of that word, and god did it ever.
He was attracted to Byakuya in a way that could catch him off guard, and he'd often find himself staring at the fluidity of the man's mannerisms, caught in the radiant aura that surrounded him. Lately he was all hot cheeks and captivated eyes around his friend.
It was no wonder Ichigo was confused. Between their friendly intimacy, his attraction, and Rukia's confrontation, it all blurred the line of which they existed on. It wasn't love, but perhaps it wasn't just friendship either.
They were slow dancing on an expansive territory of gray, standing definitively between the white purity of companionship and the black unknown of romantic probability. The gray was safe. It was comfort swaddled in warm neutrality. It was home. He didn't need or want anything else.
It wasn't love.
It wasn't. Ichigo was a wrecking ball, obstinately swinging into situations with a singular intent. If it was love, he'd dive in head first as he did with all things, mindlessly lead by the compass of action that lived inside his gut. Instead, his gut felt heavy with a sickness at the probability, and when Ichigo really desired something, he knew nothing of apprehension.
No, this wasn't love.
He told himself that everyday.
xXx
There was an annual ball hosted by the three leading houses of nobility at the end of every December. It was a means of which they paid homage to the Soul King, celebrating the power he bestowed upon the aristocratic families. Byakuya said it was merely an excuse for the most affluent of Seireitei to grandstand their wealth and influence, while making connections with others from high society. It was an evening of forced conversation and meticulously held back expressions of distaste, but a necessary one, because at the end of the event, the Grand Noble Council would congregate and admit members of the noble clans to share pressing issues in an open forum. After an evening of sucking up and sake, their ears leant more attention than usual.
Ichigo and Byakuya were intended to attend the festivities, taking the opportunity to reap the council's backing for the peace keeping laws that would come under final judgment at the end of January.
Everything had been moving along as Ichigo intended. The Quincy and the Shinigami had been working together on patrols, though not without a certain amount of animosity on both sides. However, the transition had been eerily easy, so it wasn't of great surprise when the road to peace became scabrous.
The Captain Commander called Ichigo and Byakuya both to his chambers, informing them of a small group of Shinigami inciters who attacked and gravely injured some of their Quincy counterparts, leading to a full out battle. The situation was sensitive, as Quincy nobility - who had as much influence as Shinigami nobility in their own legislative system - were not pleased. Ishida, too, was in an uneasy place. So the Captain Commander suggested that Ichigo travel to Quincy territory and talk peace strategies, while also mending some broken trust. He also suggested that Byakuya go, considering his prevailing political know how and his prominence in the process of peace thus far.
So with that, Ichigo and Byakuya were scheduled to leave for the Wandenreich, but not before Ichigo did some reading of the traditions of Quincy nobility to avoid further insult to their pride. This was, of course, at Byakuya's insistence.
Ichigo and Fujita entered the Kuchiki's vault like structure, the brass doors swinging open as it registered the Kuchiki emblems placed on their hands by Byakuya himself. He stood in aw at the collection of history towering them like skyscrapers, surrounding them in a dom like fashion. The smell of leather and the well maintained crispness of inked pages filled the enclosure.
"Woe..." Ichigo marveled, gaping.
Fujita walked up beside him with a proud smile. "It is something. Lord Kuchiki handles these precious pieces of our history with his own hands."
"No wonder the guys such an egghead." Ichigo's baffled expression melted into a tiny frown. "How the hell are we supposed to find the books we need though?"
Fujita smirked, her wispy drooped skin pulling smugly as she bent her arms at the elbows and jutted her hands up like a surgeon who just scrubbed in. The sleeve of her haori inched up as she did so. "Watch and learn, Kurosaki-san."
Ichigo scoffed. He knew where Byakuya got his haughtiness from.
Lifting the emblem embellished hand, Fujita called out, "Codeword QUI 94687." The symbol glowed red, as if burning into her skin, and amidst his fascination, Ichigo missed the text books flying from the shelves toward him. Turning at the last moment, Ichigo ducked, falling to the ground and just barely escaping a concussion.
"Watch out for the books, Kurosaki-san," Fujita said casually, stepping over him and walking towards a long oak table now scattered with ancient text.
"Now you tell me!" He yelled, his head spinning as he jumped to his feet. His eyes glazed over the gathered text, and he curiously fiddled with the pages. "You can't really expect me to read all this, right?"
"I don't expect you to read a normal book, lest not the entity of our recorded knowledge on Quincy history."
"Yeah, yeah, well then what am I supposed to do?"
She nodded towards his hand. "Place your palm flat on the books. The rest," she winked, "is history."
He stared at her oddly, waffling his gaze between his upturned hand and Fujita. "No more flying books, right?"
"No more flying books."
"Alright." Ichigo placed his palm flat against the pages and the emblem glowed red. His eyes widened as tendrils of text flew through his fingertips and spiraled up his arms, traveling across his skin until it vanished. As the last bit of script was absorbed, Ichigo stumbled slightly and cradled his head with mystified eyes.
"What the...So that's how it works, huh? No wonder Byakuya's so smart."
Fujita tutted in disapproval. "Nonsense. Lord Kuchiki has actually read all of these. You won't remember this information for long. Think about it like remembering what you ate for breakfast. You remember it clearly today, but in a week, the memory will be gone. Likewise, this information is shallow.
Ichigo blinked and rubbed at his now thumping skull. "Good, I really don't need the Quincy's national dish filling my head forever."
At the sound of flipping pages slicing the air, Ichigo turned around to see, for the first time, a book as thick as his tigh situated on a podium near the corner of the room. The book vibrated, and the pages flew at rapid velocities, as if the victim of being left out in a bad storm.
"Sometimes I don't know know if I'm in Soul Society or Hogwarts."
"Hogwarts?" Fujita asked.
Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Never mind. What is that thing? Why is it turning by itself?"
Eyeing the text of a book with half hearted interest, Fujita explained, "It's the Kuchiki Clan Ledger. Whenever someone is born or married into the clan, their name appears. Likewise, their death."
Ichigo gazed at the book with heavy eyes, as if undressing it of it's leather hide. "How does it know?"
Fujita licked the tip of her turning finger and slid to the next page. Still not looking up, she explained, "It is said that the book has a direct link to the consciousness of all Kuchiki clan members. It's the clan's collective consciousness of sorts. It is even said that the ledger knows the desires of all those marked by Kuchiki blood. It is sentient."
Ichigo took a few more steps, some thick gravity pulling him towards the stand. "Can I look at it?" Ichigo asked, though just as a formality, seeing as he was already walking towards the book.
"Until you are red in the face," Fujita said, "but you won't be able to read what's written. Only Kuchiki's can do that. To you or I, the pages will appear blank."
The words of discouragement headed no reaction from Ichigo, because since his eyes fell upon the book, something wouldn't let him draw away. He stopped in front of the stand, his eyes dancing across the yellow toned blank sheets. He pressed fingers into it, gauging the texture, though he was unsure of why.
Suddenly, the book radiated a soft violet, and the pages began to flip once again, this time, leaping back into the past.
"Uh...Fujita-san… are you sure only Kuchiki's can read this?"
"Yes," she said, sighing curtly.
"But I'm not a Kuchiki."
Fujita laughed lightly. "Small miracles, Kurosaki-san."
"Fujita," Ichigo said, and this time the attendant looked up, noting the edge of urgency in the man's voice. "Then why can I read this?"
She threw her sharpened eyes like daggers before closing the book and striding over.
Black slanted strokes of calligraphy appeared one after the other, Ichigo's eyes soaking up each Kanji as it manifested. His finger ran over the smooth parchment, following along with the words.
'Kuchiki Arisa: Birth and death on the fifth day of winter in the year of Mizuchi: The River Dragon. Cause of death: Still Birth. Born of: Kuchiki Hisana and Kuchiki Byakuya.'
Ichigo pulled back from the ledger with a clenched hand. The death of a child, Byakuya's child, written so phlegmatically, as nothing more than a neatly organized fact, burned to the sight and made his chest hiss and crackle like an angry furnace
He was brought from his turbulent thoughts when a hand settled on his shoulder. "Kurosaki-san? What is it that you're reading."
Ichigo looked back at the page to see nothing there, and he had to blink a few times to regain his senses. "It's nothing. I think my eyes were just playing tricks on me," he said softly. Fujita went to speak, a question pulling at her brow, but Ichigo's sudden withdraw halted her words. "I need to get going," he said, sparing the woman not one glance as he did so.
xXx
Byakuya and Ichigo entered the shadow domain with Artemis proudly trotting at their sides. They navigated the unfamiliar territory until they breached the opening of the Wandenreich. Together, they walked through scantily populated streets, feeling the lingering sensation of hostility and confusion following their path.
"Cheir, Artemis," Byakuya commanded.
As she flashed away, Ichigo asked, "You use the same command with her as you do with your zanpakuto?"
Byakuya rolled a shoulder. "It seemed the simplest thing to remember."
"She's scanning the area, right? Don't you think you're being paranoid?"
"Just because I can not see the stares of the people here does not mean I can not sense their conflicted emotions."
Ichigo's eyes drifted up and down the winding street, avoiding the cold and cutting eye contact as he did so. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I didn't exactly expect a welcoming committee or anything, but I think I underestimated how tense things are."
They walked down a brick paved road towards an approaching cathedral that stood in the town's epicenter. Everything seemed to orbit around the monstrous erection. Both Ichigo's thoughts and eyes wondered, but not on the issue he was quite literally walking straight towards.
The information he gained in the library left him feeling suddenly restless. It implored action. Why else would the Kuchiki clan log show him that and nothing else if it wanted the knowledge and all thoughts about it living only as recorded history on those privileged pages?
Still, it felt awfully intimate, a tragedy he had no right to know about, but he did know. Something or someone wanted him to know, and all of his thoughts stayed on Byakuya since.
Not only did he want to know more, Ichigo wanted to share in Byakuya's pain, even if he could never truly comprehend it. Day after day, he desired for their lives to become more intertwined, but Ichigo had to wonder what would happen when there was nothing left separating them. Whatever occurred, rather he was ready for it or not, Ichigo couldn't stop himself. He couldn't idle the hands that continued to stitch their lives together.
Artemis returned to her master's side, and Byakuya greeted her with a pat on head.
"Are you well, Ichigo?" Byakuya asked.
"Yeah," Ichigo fibbed, "just thinking about what we're about to walk into is all."
"Just speak from your heart, and I'm sure it will reach them, and if not, that is why I am here to assist you."
Ichigo nodded as he attempted to push away thoughts of Byakuya until a more appropriate time.
They near the main gate of the cathedral, which was hugged by blood orange stained glass mosaics. In the shards, the whole city was reflected, making it look like a world on fire. From beneath a looming arch way, Ishida appeared, his tired face masked by shadows.
"Ishida-san," Ichigo greeted, "You look like crap."
Ishida relinquished an imploring sigh. "Please use better tact when speaking to Lord Ishgar." Turning his back to the pair, he said, "Follow me."
The group walked silently under the cover of tall, vault ceilings. It wasn't until they reached a set of Quincy encrusted doors that Ishida turned and said, "Lord Ishgar was chosen to represent the Quincy Nobility for today's meeting. I'll be there to moderate."
"Only moderate?" Ichigo questioned
"Yes. Things have been tense, and while I am on board with Shinigami and Quincy cooperation, that doesn't mean much. To say my people have been sceptical of my sudden leadership would be an understatement. I am one false move away from being ran out by an angry lynch mob."
"No pressure, huh?" Ichigo remarked, a scowl plastered on his face.
Ishida glared in reprove before pushing open the doors to what looked like a sizable meeting hall. At the center of the room sat a large circular table. Situated in one of the many encompassing chairs was a stately man with blond waves that cascaded down to the dip of his back. Running through the frosted locks were intricately designed braids.
He stood and walked to the three. His blue eyes were as bright as daylight, but his posture was as daunting as the night.
Ishida said, "Lord Ishgar, this is Kurosaki Taishi and Lord Kuchiki."
Byakuya, as if he had done this a million times before, reached out an arm. Lord Ishgar did the same, and like an extended handshake, they locked grasp at the forearm. Ichigo had learned this from the Kuchiki archives of Quincy culture. They did not bow to show respect, but united arms to show solidarity.
"It's a pleasure, Lord Kuchiki."
"Likewise."
He repeated this gesture with Ichigo. Although Ichigo's own movements were much clumsier, and instead of a genuine sense of repor, all Ishgar left Ichigo with was a curt nod of the head.
"Kurosaki Taishi, let's begin, shall we?"
"Sure," Ichigo said with a reluctant nod.
The group settled into their respective chairs, and Ichigo decidedly made the first move. "Lord Ishgar, let me start by apologizi-"
"I do not have use for apologizes, only solutions," Ishgar dismissed, his overlapped hands placed on top of his crossed legs.
Ichigo cleared his throat and laced his fidgety fingers to fake some confidence. "That's what I want too, but I think we can both agree that it will take time. What happened between our people, it was to be expected."
Ishgar shifted forward in his seat, the language of his body now accusatory. "Expected? How so?"
"Well when I approached Central 46 about Quincy and Shinigami cooperation, they pointed out that things would be tense. Like I told them, there's no real way around that. Things have to get worse before they'll get better."
"Is this your way of justifying the actions of those Shinigami?"
"No!" Ichigo exalted before he quickly softened his tone. "I mean, no. I'm just saying that it was inevitable."
Ishgar sat back in his seat, and his hands moved to accentuate his words. "If we are speaking of inevitabilities, than why are you wasting my time with things we both know are true? Perhaps you believe that I should be more sympathetic to the process of this integration, but you're overlooking the fact that I may not agree with this, as you say, cooperation, to begin with." Looking towards Byakuya, he said, "Truthfully, I feel as if my time would be better spent talking to you, Lord Kuchiki."
Ichigo's fist clenched and his lips contorted in barely contained frustration, but when Byakuya's hand discreetly squeezed his knee, something settled inside of him.
"Why is that, Lord Ishgar?" Byakuya asked.
For the first time since their greeting, Ishgar smirked, the edges of his lips pulled on by a contemptuous confidence. "If your bearings and gait were not enough, the Kuchiki name rings with power even amongs our land. You are a seasoned clan head, a bred politician who does not waste words."
"So that is why you treat me with more respect than you treat Kurosaki Taishi, because I am also nobility? Or because of my experience? Well, perhaps those things are true, but Kurosaki Ichigo is your Taishi, and he certainly doesn't need me to speak on his behalf."
"Then why did you come if not to speak for this novice diplomat?"
Ichigo looked at Byakuya. His eyes shined with anger, but he spoke with a fluid composure.
"You say novice diplomat as if it is a bad thing, but do we not all have to start somewhere? Kurosaki Taishi has perhaps more noble blood than both of us combined. This is something he was born to do. I would be wary of underestimating him," Byakuya warned, "I have made that mistake myself."
Lord Ishgar's brow harden as he tapped his fingers against the table repeatedly, and Ichigo smirked subtly at the man's apparent displeasure.
"And to answer your question, I am here to advice Kurosaki Taishi if he so needs it. Until then, you can speak to him."
With that, Lord Ishgar turned his leer towards Ichigo and said, "The Kurosaki name is known well amongs us, but just because you come from Quincy nobility does not mean that you are truly Quincy. Culture is learned not inherited. You haven't spent a single minute with our people. You know nothing of their desires or thoughts."
"You're right," Ichigo said with a nod. "I haven't, but I would like the opportunity to."
"And what if you don't like what they have to say?"
"That doesn't matter. This peace treaty isn't about me, it's about everyone."
Lord Ishgar's brows lifted, and he stared Ichigo down as if testing the legitimacy of his word. Then, slowly, a challenging smile emerged on his face. "A disdain for Shinigami has been ingrained into Quincy through years of anti Shinigami rhetoric imposed by Bach, our king of which you killed. Trust that we're not going to be an easy bunch to win over."
"I'm not looking for easy," Ichigo said. "Did you know his plan? What he was trying to achieve by killing the Soul King?"
Ishgar nodded. "Yes. He never lied to us."
"And you were okay with that?"
"It's a matter of perspective, I suppose," he reasoned, rolling a shoulder. "I'm sure everyone had their own opinions. Personally, I can't see a problem with a world where there's no death, but i'm sure you don't agree."
"I don't," Ichigo said. "Death sucks, yeah, but what would we gauge life through if we didn't have it? Without it, without any wonder or pain, or death in the world, what would motivate people? Give them hope? How do you know how important life is when you've never experienced death?" Ishgar said nothing, his eyes just slid to the side as he tilted his head slightly. "Look, honestly, what our opinions are about it doesn't matter. Bach, once they didn't benefited him anymore, he killed all of his comrades. He didn't care about any of his people. He didn't care about anything else but his own selfish power." Ichigo paused, looking intently at the other. "But you do."
After a moment, Ishgar prompted Ichigo with a nod of the head.
"It's true that I don't know much about politics, but I do know that if something doesn't change, history will keep repeating itself. Sure, the Quincys could decide not to cooperate with the Shinigami, but the hate will continue, and then how long until the next war? Is that what you want for your people, an endless cycle of killing?"
The thoughtful tapping of Ishgar's fingers continued, and for minute after daunting minuet, Ichigo sat in the anticipation of the others silence. "Very well," Ishgar said, "the noble clans will continue to support you in this transition. With stipulations, of course. If what I heard is correct, there are no laws in place to stop Shinigami from attacking the Quincy. That has to change. A law against attacking a Quincy with a three year minimum prison sentence."
Without much thought, Ichigo said, "We can't do that."
Ishgar threw his head, and his long hair flipped. "If you can not do at least that, than we have nothing to talk about."
"Kurosaki-san, " Ishida warned, "I would give this more consideration."
"That's not how I want to do things, trying to change people's thinking through threats. Things are really tense, and some of the Shinigami already think I'm against them."
"Perhaps this is a decision you should consult Lord Kuchiki on," Ishgar said, sighing in exasperation. "Since he obviously has more sense than you."
Ichigo nipped at his lip before turning a tentative glare towards the noble. "Do you agree with this, Byakuya?"
"Yes," Byakuya said with a nod. "I understand what your heart is telling you, but there are times when following one's heart is not the best course of action for the larger picture. Sanctioning law breakers is used both here and in The World of the Living, and for good reason. Think of the lower districts, and how crime runs ramped because there is no structure. One must be able to make the tough decisions and look like the bad guy when they're working towards great change." When Ichigo said nothing, just stared into his hands, Byakuya added, "In an ideal world, punishment wouldn't be necessary to stop criminality, but we both know this world is not ideal. You know those inciters can not be let to get away with their actions."
"Yeah, I know," Ichigo mumbled. "Alright, I'll take your condition to Central 46, but if we're going to have those types of sanctions, there needs to be something positive too."
Lord Ishgar smiled subtly and perched his chin atop his overlapped hand. "What do you have in mind, Kurosaki Taishi?"
xXx
After another hour or so of negotiations and a lavishly prepared dinner, Lord Ishgar insisted they spend the night in one of his guest rooms. Out of politeness, Byakuya suggested they stay for the evening. The two separated and went to their rooms, but it wasn't too long afterwards that there was a knock on Byakuya's door.
"Byakuya, look what I found," Ichigo said, pulling the cork from a sake bottle.
At the familiar popping sound, Byakuya perked his brow dubiously. "Found or stole?"
"I didn't steal it. I just helped myself. Ishgar did tell us to make ourselves at home."
Byakuya's face did that thing where it twitch into a barely perceivable flicker of a smirk. It was a facial tic that only Ichigo could cause, or more accurately, that only Ichigo could notice. He loved when Byakuya did that. He looked beautiful that way. No, that wasn't quite right. Byakuya was always beautiful.
All Ichigo knew was, however he'd chose to define that tiny lurching of Byakuya's lips, it made him squirm.
"Did you also help yourself to some cups?" He asked as he stepped to the side, allowing Ichigo to enter.
"Nope," Ichigo said, dragging himself through the door. He took a gulp from the bottle and then extended it out in offering. "We'll just have to share."
"You cannot possibly believe that I will drink straight from that bottle, do you?"
"What, are you too good to go without cups?" Ichigo grinned. "Or are you just afraid you might actually enjoy not being a stick in the mud noble for once?"
There it was again, that flinching smirk. Ichigo stepped closer, brushing the bottle against the tips of Byakuya's fingers teasingly.
Byakuya wrapped his hand around the body of the bottle, their touches overlapping, and Ichigo's breathing deepened a bit, as if his lungs were fighting against something much stronger than oxygen. He took the bottle from Ichigo and lifted it to his lips, and Ichigo thought that only Byakuya could do something so typically unrefined and still retain a grace about it.
"On the contrary, I am more concerned about germs. I have no idea what strange places your mouth has been."
Ichigo tutted and snatched the bottle back. "What kind've person do you think I am?" He asked, slinging himself onto the leather couch. "Mines hasn't been anywhere yours hasn't."
"Oh," Byakuya responded flatly, "so you presume to know all the places my lips have been?"
A flush stuck to Ichigo's chest, and he swallowed down the possible implications of Byakuya's taunting.
"My mistake," Ichigo muttered, managing to squeeze the words out past the vice like tightness of his throat as the noble came and sat by his side.
Byakuya's eyes were like two gold coins, treasure troves of amusement, and Ichigo took another swig before directing them towards a less flustering topic of conversation.
Another hour passed, and the sake bottle was nearing empty. Byakuya sat the glass down on a table in front of them, and though his careful movements looked like those of a sober man, his freshly reddened cheeks betrayed hints of intoxication.
"You did well today, Ichigo," Byakuya said offhandedly.
"You think so?" Ichigo asked, giving a humorless, clipped, chuckle. "If it wasn't for you, Ishgar would've sent me out on my ass."
Byakuya hummed in consideration. "You are not always as confident as people believe you to be, yes?"
"Just because I'm determined doesn't mean I don't have my doubts," Ichigo explained, "That was one of the reason I was always grateful to have Rukia around. When it was really important, she wouldn't let me get lost in my insecurities."
"That is because she takes notice of that resolute fire within you, as do I. I believe in your goals here and that you will undoubtedly reach them."
Ichigo fiddled with the barran bottle, looking down the neck of it. "Sometimes you believe in me too much, Byakuya."
Byakuya frowned more intently towards the darkening room. "Why do you say this?"
"Because," Ichigo sighed, "I never did anything by myself. Rukia gave my my powers, Urahara taught me how to use them, Yoruichi helped me release by bankai, the vizards my hollow powers. I didn't defeat Aizen, not really. I couldn't even get my powers back by myself, and I damn sure didn't win that war alone." There was a profound silence, finalized by the swooshing of Ichigo's hand rubbing his hair and the bottle once again hitting the table. "I'm not some one man militia. I couldn't of accomplished anything without help every step of the way. The same goes for today. I…" he paused and looked towards Byakuya. "I don't want to disappoint you if I don't get this right," he admitted.
Byakuya didn't respond right away, just closed his eyes briefly. "Impossible. Ichigo, do you really believe that if Urahara-san and the others did not already know the full extent of your capabilities, that they would have let you come to Soul Society in the first place."
"I guess you're right, but what I'm doing now, it has nothing to do with my fighting abilities."
"That is true," Byakuya said, nodding, "but I believe that it is your determination that is your greatest ability. When I said impossible, I meant that it is impossible for me to be disappointed in you, because no matter if you win or lose, you will always try, and you will never let pride stand in the way of allowing others to help you reach your goal, something I can not say is true for myself."
"But you did ask for my help," Ichigo pointed out. "When you thought you were dying."
"Yes, and do you know why I did that?" Byakuya asked, not waiting for a response. "I knew you would fight, with or without my prompting. It was as a way to extend my gratitude for all you had done, both intentionally and unintentionally, for the people within the Gotei." He laid a hand on Ichigo's shoulder and spoke softly. "All though it was not purposeful, you gave me something the day you broke my blade. You gave me hope that I had long ago abandoned, inserted back in me the volition that had been stolen after many years of learned helplessness. Your determination," he continued, orange speckled eyes alight with the forceful resilience of a forest fire, "It reached me in the way nothing else was able to. So the only way you could possibly disappoint me is if you let adversity overcome you, which is one thing I do not believe you are capable of."
Ichigo brought his hand to overlap Byakuya's, squeezing the fingers as if he feared they may never touch like this again, and for a while, neither said anything. Ichigo just enjoyed the sensation of their skin touching like this, not daring to rush the moment.
He looked thoughtfully into Byakuya's eyes, passion lighting fires in their darkness.
'Is that what orange means? Is that what you feel when you look at me, Byakuya? Passion?'
Finally, Ichigo teased, "So is this your way of saying I bring out your more rebellious side, Byakuya?"
Byakuya slipped his hand away, placing both neatly atop his lap. "I pick and choose my battles these days. Although, it seems I am conceding more often of late."
"Oh yeah," Ichigo asked, "to what?"
Byakuya dipped his head marginally, and his hands kneaded against the fabric of his garment as if he was mulling over his words. "I am to be married and bear an heir at the request of my elders."
And there it was, the bad news Ichigo should've seen coming. Again, he felt like that nervous husband in a waiting room, one who had just found out that something he cherished was dying.
He had been anticipating this, but it still felt all too surreal. Because of the expectancy, he didn't respond with the first words that came to him. In fact, there weren't words at all, just muddied thoughts that seemed to overlap one another. All this time, he'd been wondering if and when Byakuya would come to him with this, and he never once thought what he'd say when the moment finally arrived.
However, it didn't take him long to form the right words, because there was only one thing that really matter. "How do you feel about that?"
"Truthfully, it is not my ideal situation. However, there is little I can do to stop it."
"Byakuya, there's always a way."
The noble sighed, almost as if he was endeared."I know you still believe this, and while in the light of knowing you, I have regained a bit of my hope that I once lost, all one can do sometimes is try, though with the knowledge that you may be unsuccessful. There is a grace in accepting that there are certain things that are inevitable in this life."
"I know that, but-"
"It is duty, Ichigo, and while I know this is not something you can completely grasp, it is apart of me."
Not wanting to make assumptions on the way Byakuya felt, Ichigo asked, "Is it because it's an arranged marriage or is it because you're still mourning your wife that you don't want this?"
"It is not that I still mourn Hisana per say, not in the traditional way," Byakuya explained, surprising Ichigo with his response. "When someone you love dies, yes, it stays with you forever. However, I believe we choose how long we stay with it. Some people prefer to prolong their misery, making happiness an unreachable goal, because there is both a comfortable familiarity in one's grief and a fearfulness in going forward." Softer now, he said, "I suppose stubborn men like us are not so good at moving on."
"So, you're saying you don't want this marriage because you're afraid?" Ichigo frowned and asked, "What are you afraid of?"
This time there was a longer silence, and the colors in Byakuya's eyes kept rearranging themselves like the twisting of a kaleidoscope. Finally, he turned towards Ichigo, a definitive trouble still potent in Byakuya's untouchable gaze. They were drowning in a blue, and the hue swelled, spilling over into the room until even the air was mourning their sadness.
There was nothing profound about the way Byakuya expressed sadness. Like most things about him, it was subtly, hardly noticeable glimpses that rose to the surface, but now, there was something so apparent within those subtleties.
The tips of his eyebrows inclined, while his typically stiff lips sagged. His eyelids were heavier than usual. "I… I have never told anyone this," he began, pausing for such a long time that Ichigo thought he had changed his mind. "Hisana, she did not love me in the way that I loved her." A smile flickered for a passing second, which only added upon the clusters of blue filling his eyes. "And trust that I did love her, but… it was that selfish love that inevitably killed her. In part, I do desire a family, but I can not think of family without thinking of pain and death I have caused. Such an amount that it eclipses the joy."
At first, Ichigo did not attempt to reach out for Byakuya nor did he speak. He didn't want to offer more than the noble was ready for in such a delicate moment of vulnerably. Although, that's not to say that there was anything that Ichigo would've wanted more than to wrap his arms around Byakuya, let him feel a tangible comfort in their touching bodies.
However, Ichigo had always been hot headed, thoughtless at times, so it was of little surprise when he so naturally asked, "You said your love killed her. Are you talking about Arisa?"
Byakuya's face went wide and ridged, and there was a danger in that jagged openness, like the mouth of a canyon.
"How do you know that name, and how dare you speak it to me as if you have any right?" Byakuya asked, standing in one swift motion.
Ichigo jumped to his feet and wrapped his fingers around the noble's wrist. "Byakuya, please let me explain! I-"
"Did Fujita-san tell you this?" Byakuya hissed in question, liberating his wrist with one pull.
"No! You know she would never break your trust like that. I read it in the Kuchiki ledger. It- It showed it to me!
Byakuya turned back to Ichigo, his eyes piercing like thickets. "Impossible."
Ichigo shook his head sideways. "I know it's supposed to be, but it showed me that and only that," he explained. "Fujita said something about how the ledger is believed to be sentient. That it's the consciousness of all clan members. So isn't it possible that it showed me, because deep down, there's a part of you that wanted me to know?"
The anger slip off of Byakuya's face for a brief moment, only to be replaced by a less intense hostility.
Ichigo once again gripped the noble's wrist, the tips of his fingers pleading with the man.
"I think I understand," Ichigo said sedately, stepping closer. "You grew up being dedicated to your families ways, but you broke the rules for Hisana because you loved her that much, and you wanted a family of your own after yours died...Only she didn't love you the way you loved her." He stepped closer again, and Byakuya was unable to hold his anger as Ichigo's free hand came to rest on his waist. "But you two made a baby, and it lead to both of their deaths."
Byakuya's head dipped and Ichigo mimicked the gesture, their faces just a breath away from each others as he spoke tenderly. "And you feel guilty, and now you're scared, because you don't want to feel that way again."
"Are you proud of yourself?" Byakuya asked meekly, "You have unfolded all the gory details of my personal tragedy, are you happy with yourself?"
The crevices of Ichigo's eyes dampened, and a single tear rolled down his crestfallen face. "No," he said, "not at all."
He released Byakuya's wrist and slid both hands around the nobles waist, pulling him into an embrace. Byakuya stiffened and his hands dangled midair, but Ichigo's hold was relentless. He perched his chin on Byakuya's shoulder, and his hands clutched to the fabric.
His hands were vagabonds, traveling everywhere on the noble's body, but staying nowhere. From hips to shoulders, he wanted to see it all. He even wanted to make these places his home, make himself their home, but he was simply a wistful tourist here. He knew he'd never let himself stay.
Byakuya's body resigned to the others and he allowed his head to rest in the crook of Ichigo's neck. Ichigo could feel the tiny sigh of contentment against his skin, and he shifted to close any gaps between them.
"What I said to Ishgar, I meant it," Ichigo whispered. "We use death to gauge how important life is, but it won't be painful all the time. So no running, damn it. It wasn't your fault, and wanting a family didn't make you selfish." When he felt Byakuya's hands tremble against him, he repeated, "It wasn't your fault."
"So you think I should accept this marriage with an open heart?"
"Hell no! I think you, if you want a family, you should have it, but it should be with someone you actually love, not someone they force upon you." Ichigo's arms constricted as he felt an anger come over him. He moved his grasp, bringing one hand up to caress the black silk of Byakuya's head. "I hate that they think they can push you into that. This is your whole life we're talking about, Byakuya. You're fucking priceless, they can't treat you like some bargaining chip!"
"Ichigo, I-"
"I won't let them do it. I won't let them marry you off to someone you don't even know."
Ichigo could feel a faint smirk against his neck, and something about that almost broke his heart.
"And how will you stop them, Ichigo?" Byakuya asked, a certain grim humor in his voice."
He had no clue, and maybe he was just spouting impossibilities, but if there was a way, he'd find it.
His voice lowered to an utter as he said, "I'll steal you away."
That smirk grew wider again his neck.
"Oh, and where will you hide me exactly?"
Ichigo closed his eyes and inhaled the noble's scent. "With me," he said, his heart shaking at his chest like the reverberation of a bass.
"Ichigo," Byakuya said, pulling away as much as Ichigo's arms would allow. "You are a selfless man, but even so, do not attempt to get involved in the issues I created for myself."
Ichigo stepped back, a frown flagrant on his face. "I'm not selfless, Byakuya. Yeah, I don't want you forced into marriage, but..."
"But?"
Ichigo closed his eyes and sighed. "Its for me too, because If you get married and have a kid, things will have to change between us."
He had a genuine look of confusion, and Ichigo didn't realize Byakuya had the ability to wreck him until he felt himself crumble at the noble's next words.
"We are friends, Ichigo, why would a marriage interfere with that?"
It shouldn't have upset him. That's what he wanted, to keep their strangely intimate friendship as it was, straying away from anything more complex. But, still, had he'd completely imagined the whole thing, that they were standing on the verge of something more? Was it all one sided? How could he have been so stupid?
And more importantly, why did he suddenly feel so cold?
"Friends," Ichigo echoed, letting the word take root inside him. "You're right, Byakuya," he said, forcing a smile and hoping it reached his voice. "I should probably be getting to bed."
Ichigo could tell that Byakuya knew something was wrong, but he also knew the noble wouldn't push him, and he appreciated Byakuya so much for being that kind've person.
"Very well. Sleep well tonight, Ichigo."
"Yeah, you too."
xXx
Guest: Thank you so much. I hope you are pleased with this chapter.
Engkantada1905 : Slowly but surely, were getting there, but you'll see that the way they come to realize is a bit different.
Dust-of-Moon: Heres some more cuteness. Thanks love
Tifanny91: I definitely agree. I never thought it was a coincidence that Byakuya fought "the fear" it the Quincy blood arc. Kubo centered a big portion of his character around his fear of losing people and keeping himself distant from them to protect himself. Which is why I found it so sweet when he surpassed that and let Rukia fight As. Nodt. Lol I think we all wanted that kiss to happen, but I'm evil and I must tease you throughly before I allow any of that to happen. As Shakespeare said, "The course of true love never did run smooth," so don't expect it to be easy for these two. Thanks for the review, love.
LustfulAvarices: I had to throw in some more Renji sadness, and trust there will be more before this story ends. Thank you love, I hope you get the chance to catch up.