November 1976

"It was just a joke," Sirius said, trying to defend his actions. "Really I didn't even do anything wrong. He asked me about the shack, I just told him what he wanted to know."

"And left out some pretty crucial information in the process," Remus replied in a voice so bleak that it sent chill bumps down Sirius' arms.

"You understand right James?" Sirius asked in a hopeful voice. He watched as Peter looked to Jamie for clarification on how he should react. It was a normal action for him; he was always following the lead of one of the others.

Before James even shook his head Sirius could see the answer written all over his best mate's face. He was angry and hurt; a combination that made Sirius feel like he could sick up on the spot.

He knew that what he had done was wrong at best. He couldn't admit it though. Not in front of Remus and Peter. He was close with them of course but not like he was with James. Peter had never seen him cry, Remus only once. James was the one who sat up with him on countless nights after he had nightmares about his parents. James was the one who would sneak up to the Owlery or the Astronomy Tower or if they were home down to the kitchen with him. He would listen to his worries for hours or sit in silence for hours whichever Sirius needed more at the moment. James never judged him for his tears or his distress that he would end up like his parents were. James always reassured him that he wasn't worthless despite what his parents thought.

"Jamie…" Sirius tried. He could hear his voice crack and he prayed that he would be able to keep it together.

"No," James shook his head forcefully. "You could have killed him Sirius. That was not all in good fun. Shit you could have killed me! I went in there to save him." James paused for a moment and Sirius couldn't help but think that he was forcing himself to calm down before he said something he regretted. "You could have hurt or killed any of us tonight- anything could have gone wrong. And it's like you don't even care."

"I care," Sirius replied in an audacious voice.

"You don't," James replied. Sirius could hear the hurt seeping through. "I don't even know who you are right now."

The words hit Sirius like a punch to the gut. He wanted nothing more than to be alone with his friend so he could apologize for real. He gave James a sympathetic look hoping beyond hope that somehow the boy that had become his brother would understand what he meant. That somehow James would understand that he was sorry, sorrier than he had ever been for anything he had ever done in his life. That somehow James would just know that if they were alone he would likely be in tears begging for forgiveness, offering to do anything he could to make it right.

"I thought you were better than that is all," James continued in a distressed voice. "But you acted like him tonight." The moment the words left James' mouth he regretted them yet he couldn't bring himself to take them back.

Sirius didn't need an explanation of who James' was referring to. He knew the moment he said it who he meant.

The words cut through Sirius like a knife.

Sirius blinked rapidly in an attempt to keep his tears from falling.

Peter and Remus were both standing completely still. They seemed shocked by James' words.

"Jamie I-"

"Sirius," the Headmaster's voice interrupted him from behind.

Sirius slowly turned to see Professor Dumbledore standing in the doorway. "The Potters are requesting your presence at home tonight."

Sirius didn't miss the concern in the man's eyes. It was so very different from the anger that had taken them over such a short time ago. It made him wonder how much of the conversation he had heard.

Sirius glanced back at James hoping for some small sign of forgiveness. James had already turned his back on him. He was now leaning on a stone ledge gazing out of a large window.

He glanced at Remus and Peter only to be met with looks of pure animosity.

He sucked in his breath biting down on his bottom lip as he walked towards Dumbledore. His emotions were eating him alive. He wanted nothing more than to scream and cry and beg for forgiveness from his friends. But he kept his mouth shut as he exited the room.

Silently he followed Dumbledore down the winding staircase away from the astronomy tower. He had expected a lecture from the Headmaster. When he had confronted Sirius earlier about what had happened, he had sentenced him and James to two weeks' worth of Saturday detention. Aside from that he had said very little. Sirius was sure that their light punishment had more to do with protecting Remus than anything else and he felt heinous about the idea that he had upset the man to the point where he couldn't even lecture or yell.

Sirius followed Dumbledore up the spiral staircase to the man's office. It was only once they were inside with the door shut firmly behind them that the Headmaster spoke at all.

"I'm sure it will be fine," he said in a reassuring voice.

The words were of no comfort to Sirius though. He was absolutely sure that nothing would ever be fine again. He wished that he had had enough courage to swallow his pride and let James know exactly how he felt despite whom else was in the room.

Sirius nodded in reply even though he felt like crumbling into tears.

He stepped into the fireplace. A moment later, Dumbledore handed him a handful of floo powder.

Sirius took a deep breath before dropping it at his feet and clearly stating his destination.

He stepped into the parlor that felt more like home to him than any place else ever had.

"Sirius," he heard the familiar gentle voice.

A moment later she walked in from the kitchen.

Sirius took one look at her face, plastered with concern and his tears began to fall.

She was across the room, her son in her arms in seconds.

"It's alright Love," she said gently. "It's alright."

He shook his head forcefully his tears falling much too quickly to allow him to speak.

"Do not coddle him Lydia," the stern voice said. "He made a grave mistake this evening, one that does not condone coddling."

"Charles," she said in a loud whisper throwing her husband an appalled look.

Charles was silent for a moment as he took in Sirius' despondent weeping. He had been absolutely livid when he had received word of what had happened. Albus had explained the details as well as why they could not receive harsher punishments at school. Charles certainly couldn't fault the man for protecting Remus. He could however bring Sirius home and punish him as he saw fit. He had planned to escort Sirius into his study where he would wear his backside out with the sole of his old slipper, but as the sounds of Sirius' weeping filled his ears, he began to feel conflicted.

Sirius never cried prior to a punishment.

Never.

James did so often. In fact, Charles often suspected that he forced himself to cry harder than he naturally would have in hopes that doing so would earn him less of a punishment.

Charles couldn't remember the last time that he had seen Sirius cry so openly.

He watched his wife hug the teenager tightly, Sirius' body shaking with his sobs.

"Alright into the study with you," Charles said forcing his voice to sound much sterner than he felt.

"Mum?" Sirius questioned through his tears. He couldn't remember ever questioning his father before. Then again he couldn't remember ever sobbing in such a manner either.

"Go on," she said gently. "Do as your father says."

Despite his questioning Sirius did not hesitate. He exited the room in record time. The sound of the study door closing filled the air only seconds later.

"What?" Charles asked as his wife scowled at him from across the room.

"Did you have to be so hard on him?" She couldn't help but ask.

"He nearly killed more than one person this evening," Charles defended his actions. "He could have killed James! He also put Remus in a horrible situation. Had he attacked the Snape boy he could have been tried by the Ministry! Am I to allow him to get away with such behavior? Give him a stern talking to and a pat on the head and send him on his way?"

"Of course not. But you can't tell me that you honestly think he did this on purpose? That he set out in a vicious way?"

Charles ran his hand down his face sighing softly before shaking his head. "No I don't believe he set out with the intent to hurt anyone, however that doesn't change the very real fact that he could have."

"You saw how distraught he just was," she said softly. "He is hysterical. I can't help but think that this runs much deeper than a child who is just expecting punishment.

"I agree with you," Charles replied as he headed in the direction of the study. "And I certainly intend to talk with him before anything else."

Charles walked into his study and was shocked to find Sirius standing in the corner, his shoulders shaking with sobs. The last time he had punished Sirius alone in his study had been nearly two years ago when the child had made the terrible decision to go into Knockturn Ally alone. He had been told to stand in the corner then but Charles certainly hadn't expected him to do so tonight.

For a moment the man was unsure as to how he should proceed. In past instances that required punishment, he likely would have walked over and landed a hard smack to the boy's backside before sitting in the wooden straight back chair while waiting for twenty minutes to pass. Only then would he call the naughty child over to discuss what they had done wrong before turning them over his knee and warming their backside.

This however, was so unlike the past.

While Charles was not convinced that Sirius did not deserve punishment, he was now sure of what his wife had known since the moment the boy stepped in the parlor – this was a situation that needed to be handled delicately.

He eyed the two plush armchairs by the window. For a moment he debated sitting there with Sirius. He could talk to the child and get to the root of the problem. He quickly vetoed the idea. Despite the fact that he was now inclined to agree with his wife's opinion on the child, he couldn't treat this as though it wasn't a grave situation either.

He quickly turned the wooden chair that sat in front of his desk so that it was now facing Sirius before he sat down in it.

A particularly loud sob escaped Sirius' mouth causing Charles' worry for the boy to increase.

"Sirius."

It took the teenager several moments to get his emotions under control before he cleared his throat. "Yes Sir?"

"Come here please," Charles instructed. He could hear that most of the firmness had vanished from his voice.

Sirius slowly turned around.

The sight of the boy nearly broke Charles' heart. His face was wet from the tears that were still falling and his eyes were not only puffy and red but they were also a sea of worry.

Further proving his wife's point that Sirius was not crying simply over fear of his punishment, the child wasted no time walking across the room to his dad.

"Should I get the slipper?" Sirius asked through his sobs.

Charles shook his head, taken aback by the boy's words, as he grabbed ahold of the other wooden chair next to him. Despite the fact that Sirius was often more accepting of punishment than James was, he still never acknowledged his fate so openly. He pulled the chair in front of him before turning his attention back to his son. "Just sit for now; you and I need to have a bit of a chat."

Sirius sat down shaking his head as he coughed loudly choking on his tears.

Charles scooted forward on his chair until his knees were touching Sirius'. He reached out and placed a gentle hand on the boy's arm. "Calm down," he instructed in a soft voice.

Sirius shook his head as his tears continued to fall. "He hates me," he muttered through his tears.

"Who hates you?" Charles asked. The child could be referring to Remus, the Snape boy, or perhaps even Dumbledore.

"Jamie," Sirius managed to answer in between his weeping.

Charles nodded softly. He wasn't completely shocked by the answer. Albus had explained the story in detail. He was privy to the fact that James had basically saved the Snape boy's life. It was the reason Sirius had been summoned home alone. "What exactly happened?" Charles asked.

Sirius shook his head as he continued to sob.

"Sirius I must know what happened from your point of view," Charles tried in what he hoped was a gentle voice. "I do not want to believe that you set out in a malicious way, but I will not know that unless you talk to me."

Charles had hoped that his words would cause the child to calm down at least enough to talk but they seemed to have the opposite effect. If anything Sirius began crying harder as he brought his hands up to cover his face.

Charles shook his head.

This would not do at all.

He had never punished his boys before allowing them the chance to explain. He was thankful that he always made sure to do so. On more than one occasion he had been sure that they were absolutely in the wrong only to find out after speaking with them that the situation had been misunderstood. Still, he couldn't help but think that perhaps just this once a bit of a threat may help. "I am trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here Sirius," Charles said in a stern voice. "However if you refuse to explain your actions to me then you may certainly do so after you have been punished."

"I do want to," Sirius croaked as his hands fell down to his sides once more. "I just don't know where to start."

Charles breathed a sigh of relief at these words. The last thing he had wanted to do was dole out a punishment before hearing things from his son's point of view.

"Perhaps at the beginning," Charles replied. He was sure to keep the rigidness in his voice. This was not a moment in which he could afford to go soft. "I often find that that is a good place."

"It was just supposed to be a prank," Sirius said in a whisper.

"A prank?"

"Yes Sir," Sirius nodded. "We always prank him."

"So you thought it would be a humorous prank to send him into a potentially deadly situation?" Charles asked sternly.

Sirius shook his head, "No Sir, not exactly." He brushed the tears off of his face with the palm of his right hand. "I didn't think he would even get as far as he did, honestly."

"It sounds to me like you didn't do much thinking at all," Charles replied in a sad voice. "You do realize that had Remus attacked him, Remus could have been in a great deal of trouble with the Ministry? The Snape boy could have been killed as could have James in saving him."

Sirius nodded as the tears spilled out of his eyes once more. "I never meant for that."

"As I have already said, I certainly don't think you set out with the intent to seriously hurt anyone. But it doesn't change the very real fact that it could have happened."

"I know," Sirius nodded as he nearly choked on his sobs. "I don't even blame Jamie for hating me."

Charles frowned at the words. He could understand why James was mad – livid even – but it still pained him to see Sirius so hurt.

"I was thinking," Sirius continued. "I'm almost of age. If you want me to go I will. I will understand too. I'm a horrible person, I'm just like them and I don't deserve to be here."

"Stop," Charles said in a low voice. "Just stop."

This particular subject had been brought up several times over the years and Charles certainly was not having a discussion about it tonight. He had reassured Sirius numerous times that they would not send him away – they would not give up on him – regardless of what happened. It wasn't that he minded comforting the child that he had grown to love as if he were his real son. But he was not sure what else could be said to convince him.

"It's true though," Sirius replied in a soft voice. "I acted like him."

"One mistake does not make you a bad person Sirius, just as one good deed would not make someone a good person. I have gotten to know you quite well over the years and I do not think that you are anything like your family. You have risen above that and for that you should be proud."

Sirius knew that the words were meant to comfort him and they did – yet somehow they succeeded in causing him to cry even harder.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said in a sincere voice. "I really, truly am."

Charles eyed the boy as he leaned back in his chair. "I do not doubt that you are. However, I am sure you are aware that being sorry simply isn't enough."

Sirius nodded as he struggled to get his tears under control. "I'll get the slipper."

Charles held out a hand as Sirius began to stand. The teenager looked at his dad with a curious face but sat back down.

"I'm not quite sure that will be enough this time," Charles said in a sad voice. Throughout the years he had always resorted to corporal punishment when dealing with major misbehavior from his boys. He didn't do so because he enjoyed it by any means but because it was over quickly. Despite the fact that it was not a pleasant experience for anyone involved, he knew that within an hour or so the naughty child would be fine, the spanking long forgotten. Regrettably this time he wasn't sure that allowing Sirius' punishment to be so hurried was for the best. The school year had only just barely started and despite the fact that it pained him to do so, Charles had a more creative punishment in mind.

A look of worry overtook Sirius' tear stained face.

"You made a grave mistake," Charles said in a somber voice. "One that I think you need to remember for quite some time. That being said I want you home every Friday for the remainder of the school term. You will report to this study no later than five in the evening. You will spend the weekends in your room working on school work. You will be permitted to join us for meals, but aside from that you will stay in your room until you return to Hogwarts on Sunday evening."

Sirius felt his shoulders slump slightly at these words. His tears had just stopped but he suddenly felt like he could cry a million more, "Every weekend?"

Charles nodded sternly. "Starting after you have completed the next two weeks worth of Saturday detention that is. If you behave yourself than I will suspend your punishment temporarily over the Christmas holiday but aside from that, yes, every weekend until the school term ends."

Sirius was suddenly hit with the overwhelming urge to beg for a spanking but he knew it wouldn't do any good. His dad never changed his mind once he decided on a punishment.

Sirius nodded as he brushed a stray tear off of his cheek.

Charles reached an arm out and gently squeezed the boy's shoulder. There was a part of him that wanted nothing more than to take back the punishment he had just dished out and instruct the teenager to fetch the slipper. He couldn't do it though. Doing so wouldn't impress the gravity of the situation on the child. Of course it may for a few moments but he was sure that it wouldn't have the lasting impression that taking away his weekend freedom would.

"I love you very much," Charles said softly. "I want you to know that that has not changed. As I told you years ago Sirius, we will never turn our backs on you, even if you burn this house down. You mean far too much to us."

Sirius nodded as the tears filled his eyes once more. "I love you too."

"Can we talk?"

Two days had passed since the incident and Sirius was sure that he had never gone so long without talking to James. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to. He had tried several times to find the right words to explain things to his best mate, but he had failed miserably every time.

"Please?" he added when James didn't respond.

Silence reigned for another moment.

Sirius was beginning to regret approaching James in the common room. Remus was off in the library but Peter was sitting with James looking absolutely engaged in where this conversation or rather lack of conversation was going.

Finally James shrugged. "I guess so."

"Alone?" Sirius asked. Not only did he want to get James away from Peter, but there were a group of first year girls across the room giggling loudly. Sirius would have liked to tell them to shut it. He never quite understood what girls found so amusing all of the time.

Another shrug. "Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere," Sirius replied, "Just alone." He almost expected James to deny his request but a moment later the boy was on his feet.

"Come on," James instructed as he walked past Sirius and towards the portrait.

Sirius followed his friend down the long hallway and up the steep staircase that led to the Owlery.

Sirius looked around making sure that they were alone before he spoke softly. "I am so sorry Jamie."

"If sorry is all you have then you are wasting my time," James said in an annoyed voice.

"It's not," Sirius quickly replied.

"So then what?"

Sirius watched as James walked across the room and sat down on a large stone ledge. "I don't know what to say," Sirius said in a soft voice. "I was wrong. I'm an arse. I don't deserve you for a best friend. I-"

"Brother," James cut him off.

"I – what?"

"You said I was your best friend and I was correcting you. I am your brother."

Sirius noted that his voice still sounded slightly angry, but not nearly as angry as it had earlier.

"I don't deserve that," Sirius shook his head. He could feel the tears fighting their way to the surface once more. "You were right Jamie. I am just like him."

"No," James shook his head. "I was so wrong to say that. He wouldn't be apologizing right now Siri, he wouldn't even care that it happened and you know it. I was a git to say something like that to you and I am sorry."

Sirius crossed the room and sat down next to James, "So now what?"

James shrugged. "I don't hate you. I know that you didn't mean to try and hurt anyone."

"I didn't," Sirius quickly replied. "Really I didn't."

James nodded softly. "I know it."

"I never thought that he would actually get that far," Sirius clarified. "I thought for sure a teacher would catch him or something."

"I know," James replied. And he did. He didn't truly think that Sirius set out with the intent to do what he had done. He knew him better than he knew himself at times and although he loved nothing more than to play a good prank on someone, he didn't play them to try and hurt people. "Did dad wallop you?" James couldn't help but ask. If it had been anyone else in the world he never would have asked such a question, but it was different with Sirius. They were always open with each other.

"No," Sirius shook his head. "He grounded me. I have to go home every weekend for the rest of the school term and sit in my room and do homework."

James eyes widened at these words. Sirius would miss every Hogsmeade trip, every late night in their dormitory or the Room or Requirement. He would miss sneaking down to the kitchen for extra desserts on Friday nights and Quidditch games on Saturdays. He knew that what had happened was unhumorous at best, but he had never expected such relentless punishment. "I would have rather been walloped," James replied in an honest voice.

"Me too," Sirius agreed.

"Well maybe I can come home some weekends and…"

James trailed off as Sirius shook his head. "Nah I deserve to be in trouble. I don't want to try and find a way out of it."

James was quiet for a moment before he cleared his throat. "Remus and Peter don't hate you. They have been wanting to try and talk things out but I wouldn't let them. I'm sorry for that."

"It's okay," Sirius replied, and for the first time in two days, it was.