Guidelines to Living with Young Justice

by Varmint

Well, I was told that I was going too far with my pranks and rule breaking with my partners-in-crime; Jason and Robin; and the League told me what I couldn't do, but I told them I have a short memory span. They wrote a list. Challenged me to try to forget it and break all the rules. Needless to say, the challenge was accepted.

28. Chapter 28

Courtesy of tomboys rule and girly girls suck:

Rule #111: You are not allowed to go to the future to meet your kids. They are screwed up enough already.

(Hey! It's not my fault that we found out Rob had three kids with three different women! And; even bigger shocker; none of the kids belonged to Zatanna!)

Addition to the rule: You are also not allowed to go to the future to meet your future selves. The space time continuum is a fickle thing!

(No regrets there, Batsy.)

Rule #112: Don't ever date people from the other side. I do not care if the Rogue's aren't completely evil, they still steal!

(That was the girls. And... Well... He can't be saying anything! I'm pretty sure Batman's shanked Catwoman, Harley, Poison Ivy, and God knows how many more!)

Courtesy of Infinite Alpha Omega:

Rule #113: Do not get small children to scream 'CHILD NEGLECTOR!' whenever Superman walks boy. Even Men of Steel have feelings.

(Yeah, we know Superman has feelings... But there's a difference between knowing it and actually caring about it.)

Rule #114: Robin is not a Daddy's little princess, in fact he isn't even a girl so stop implying it!

(Bet Daddy Bats is actually he isn't a girl! Oh, if the Gotham psychos are like this with him as a boy... How would it be if he were a girl?...)

Courtesy of Robin-Is-Totally-Whelming:

Rule #115: Do not tell M'gann and Conner it's Batman's birthday and you always throw a party for him.

(That will not end pretty for anyone who has the misfortune of walking into that cave on that day.)

Courtesy of random obsession:

Rule #116 : Do not try to wax Superboy's legs as he sleeps. You do not want to die, do you?

(That's true!)

Courtesy of theGirlNightwing:

Rule #117 : Do NOT push the red button labeled "Alternate Dimension", disappear, grab the first person you see and drag them back.

(I met an eviler Jason, a demon with Bruce Wayne's last name, and an even broodier Bat.)

Do NOT push the red button labeled "Alternate Dimention", disappear, grab the first person you see and drag them back.

Rule #118: Don't let Robin or Jason near pointy objects when they're mad.

(We learned that lesson the hard way. Which also be called the hurtful way.)

Courtesy of a Guest:

Rule #119 : Do not attempt to alter this list. It is a means of making sure you kids do not die or end up in jail.

(Why can I not? It's so fun to screw with you guys! 'Sides, if we're ever in enough trouble to die or go to jail, Jason and the Rogues will help us!)

Rule #120 : Do not make a list for the Justice League.

(They deserve to be oppressed! If they tell us what to do, I'm sure we have the same right!)

Rule #121 : Do not clone yourselves.

(You know, I may also agree with this.)

Rule #122 : You may not hack into the Watchtower cameras to get blackmail on the Leaguers.

(Oh, but it was so fun! Especially Superman's face when we threatened him!)

Rule #123 : Stop trying to convince villains to get sidekicks. It was enough when you became their sidekicks for a day.

(I really want Rory to find one. I bet his explosive temper comes from his loneliness.)

Rule #124 : You are not allowed to drug any Leaguer's food.

(We learned that it's not necessarily a good thing whenever Guy's high.)

Rule #125 : Fights with villains can not be decided based off of who has the cooler speech and dramatic entrance. Even if they agree to do it.

(Well, I'll you something. We were in the last round. Robin, Artemis, M'gann, Zatanna, Conner, Rocket, Aqualad, Captain Cold, Piper, Trickster, Bane, and Talisman were out. It was me against Jason, Harley, and Poison Ivy. I would've won if it wasn't for the Bat interfering.)

Courtesy of another Guest:

Rule #126 : Do not rig the voting of new League members. We've told you once, and we'll tell you again, Jason, Harley, and Cold are villains not heroes.

(We tried to get those three inside the League. We almost got them in but Batman stopped us before we could finish it.)

Rule #127 : No sending messages to random planets hoping that more super-powered aliens will come to earth.

(We almost got away with it. Heck, we were able to get a few aliens in until Batman stopped us.)

Rule #128 : Just because the experiment that gave Flash his powers was replicated once for Kid Flash does not mean that it should be replicated for all of you.

(I am guilty of helping. We were almost able to get Aqualad those powers. So close!)

Rule #129 : Do not try to give superpowers to random strangers.

(Yeah... Not our best idea...)

Rule #130 : You are not allowed to create random scientific accidents in an attempt to gain more powers.

(I want more superpowers! Give me more!)

Rule #131 : You are not to reprogram the zeta tubes to change who is allowed to use them.

(We already got sick and tired of Superman being able to waltz in at any time.)

Rule #132 : You are not allowed to patent alien weaponry and make them for any military

(Well what are we supposed to do with the leftover weapons?)

Rule #133 : You are not a mercenary force, stop hiring yourself out to various countries

(Ah, you take the life out of anything fun for us!)

Rule #134 : Do not put Doctor Fate's helmet on random animals to see what happens

(So many things can happen with just a rabbit, a frog, a dog, Wolf, and a sparrow.)

Rule #135 : You are not allowed to found your own religion.

(All hail the chimichanga. All hail the chimichanga. All hail the chimichanga.)

Rule #136 : We fight crime for free, do not ask for tips after you catch criminals.

(We deserve to get paid with all the people we end up meeting! Some random chick stole my wallet!)

Rule #137 : You are not allowed to confirm any rumors about the Justice League, be they true or false.

(Yes, it is true, Black Canary and Green Arrow are shanking, while Batman is lusting after Wonder Woman. No, Superman and Batman are not the parents of Superboy, those are Superman and Lex Luthor.)

Courtesy of guest: M:

Rule #138 : Never make a de-aged Robin or a de-aged Artemis cry. Green Arrow, Red Hood, Red Arrow, Batman, and a few Leaguers will go after you.

(That was all an idiot.)

Rule #139 : Whenever Robin or Artemis have a bad day, you do not piss them of even further.

(All of the metas ended up being tied up, and after we got free, we found the Rogues, Batman, Jason, and Talisman cowering in fear in a closet.)

Courtesy of twindaughterofartemis:

Rule #140 : You may not play music about the end of the world on any given day that the world is going to end. Especially if you start at midnight.

(It's the end of the world and you know it!)

Rule #141 : Not being able to blast music from the Watchtower does not allow you to blast music from any other location.

(Ha! We found the loophole!)

Courtesy of Guest: Snowy:

Rule #142 : No figure skating.

(Now that's unfair! So it's normal to wear tights to save the day, but it's wrong outside of that?!)

Courtesy of Girl at the Piano:

Rule #143 : You are not allowed to go to Metropolis and yell for Superman at the top of your lungs. Especially if it's only to prank him.

(He so deserved it.)

Rule #144 : You are never to play Dance Central/Just Dance or any other dancing games with ANY super villain EVER. Nor are you allowed to play these games in the presence of Jason, Deadpool or any other rouge.

(We learned that they all get very competitive.)

Rule #145 : T-Ping, egging, or ding-dong ditching Wayne Manor will never be tolerated. Mr. Wayne is a huge financial backer for The League, and a colleague of Batman's. Batman will kill you.

(He he, I'm the only one that knows why we shouldn't do this.)

Rule #146 : You are under no circumstances allowed to bet on who would win a fight between Batman and Superman.

(I say Batman.)

Courtesy of UnknownB09:

Rule #147 : No asking Harley Quinn on a date in font of Joker.

(She played along with me.)

Rule #148 : No using celebrity statues to go to a Hollywood club.

(We got into the best clubs ever! That day I found I have a very high tolerance to wine and most soft alcohols, and Robin's a lightweight!)

Rule #149 : No visiting the twelve Olympians, even if they said you could.

(We met the twelve Olympians that day!)

Rule #150 : No dressing villains up like dolls. I don't care if killer crock looks funny with make up.

(...)

Rule #151 : No putting a smiley face on the back of Lex Luthor's head.

(He deserved it..)

Rule #152 : No stealing Bruce and Ollie's credit cards.

(What? I need my money now! Even though it's not really my money.)

Rule #153 : No going to Vegas for a vacation.

(Again, Robin's a lightweight.)

Rule #154 : No playing laser tag. Jason we doesn't understand the fact that we don't use real lasers.

(We all have the scars to prove it.)

Rule #155 : No putting mistletoe up all around the cave around Christmas time.

(I hate you all.)

Courtesy of CrazyDislexicNerd:

Rule #156 : When watching Attack of the Clones, refrain from comparing anyone present with the clones.

(I still feel bad at the fact that Cody attacked Obi Wan. But I still keep hoping that Rex ended up being a good guy.)

Rule #157 : The team is not allowed to choose who their godly parent would be.

(There was a bunch of fighting that day.)

Rule #158 : If you have a death wish, play the Batman Lego video game. That's all that will be said.

(...)

Rule #159: Starbucks should be avoided at all costs.

(That's true.)

Rule #160: Giving Superboy a literal monkey suit is not conducive to your continued existence.

(I almost died that day. But I was still able to get him in a suit!)

Rule #161: Don't try to sneak up on a Bat, it won't work.

(That is very true.)

Rule #162: We are not Indiana Jones, don't touch the golden egg, (or anything similar).

(I blame Jason. He was the one that got us hooked on those movies.)

Rule #163: Tickling wars will end badly.

(Very badly.)

Courtesy of Immortal Horse:

Rule #165: Even though someone interrupts your anime, you are still not allowed to attack them.

(Nobody cuts into my TV time. Nobody!)

Courtesy of monkeygirl77:

Rule #166: No making fun of Kid Flash in front of any villain. Apparently, they have all taken a liking to him.

(Now I'm Baby Flash to not only the Central City Rogues, but also to any villain that has ever met me!)

Courtesy of Nagrom Renin:

Rule #167: Never allow Robin or Kid Flash to even look at a gender-bending machine. That never ends well.

(It wasn't that bad... Okay, so, we made more than half the League turn into the opposite gender... It wasn't so bad... was it?)

Courtesy of crimson11116:

Rule #168: Do not attempt to kidnap a Flash or Kid Flash from another universe.

(Apparently the Flash we kidnapped was the one from the Justice Lord's world. We were so screwed that day.)

Rule #169: Do not try to make Wally believe in magic.

(I am strictly a Science guy. If it's logical, I believe. And, for one, magic is not logical.)

Courtesy of Feelin' the Aster:

Rule #170: Young Injustice cannot be Young Justice in their civilian lives.

(What? We all need a vacation, right?... Well, I'll admit it, Inertia did take the science experiment a bit too far.)

Rule #171: Babies are cute, but they are not shields to use whenever your mentor is angry. That is just dangerous and heartless.

(The Bat? Talking about heartless? Ha! I'll show you heartless!)

Courtesy of a Guest:

Rule #172: Do not alter statues in the Hall of Justice.

(I drew a moustache on Superman, Green Lantern, and Batman!)

Rule #173: Do not create ring tones for the Zeta Beams.

(Batman's was Darth Vader's theme! And Superman's was 'White and Nerdy'! He is a nerd.)

Rule #174: Do not take the mask of a Leaguer and replace it with another.

(Just imagine this. Green Arrow wearing a Batman cowl, Batman wearing a Hawkman head-thingy, Shining Knight wearing Green Arrow's mask, and Hawkman wearing Shining Knight's head dress thing.)

Rule #175: When we told you to not get involved in politics, we also meant you cannot found or make your own country.

(We called Young Justice-utopia! Where teenagers where free to go and there was no such thing as villainy! It was such a good thing until the League caught wind of it.)

Rule #176: You are not to be the ambassador to or of any country.

(You know what? I'll admit it. We could have saved ourselves of a few world crisis's that way.)

Rule #177: You cannot paint any Green Lantern's costume yellow and accuse him/her of joining the Sinestro Corp.

(That day was wicked!)

Rule #178: From now on, you are forbidden from using or buying paint. Heck, you cannot even look at anything that was to do with painting.

(Maybe we took it a bit too far.)

Rule #179: Due to recent events, you are forbidden from using the mountain's hacking system without prior approval.

(Yeah, maybe me and Inertia took it a bit far when we destroyed Luthor's house. But he did deserve it!)

Rule #180: You are not allowed to prank call super villains.

(They never saw it coming.)

Rule #181: Arkham Asylum is not a playground.

(It is when you are partially insane!)

Courtesy of Sporks:

Rule #182: No more Three Stooges.

(It took forever to make M'gann stop throwing pies at people!)

Rule #183: No cinnamon challenge.

(Apparently, Rob's allergic to it. Go figure.)

Rule #184: No more ponies.

(Never again. Never again.)

Rule #185: We do not care how cute it is, how much Wolf likes it, how much you love it, or what will happen if we don't take it in, we are not taking in anymore creatures!

(We have found so many animals that need a good home. Sadly, the Bat's a prick.)

Rule #186: Do not allow Wally to try to get drunk.

(I blame Jason and Roy. And Clark Kent from Smallville. Him too.)

Rule #187: No airhorns, bicycle horns, or vuvuzuelas. Especially no vuvuzuelas.

(... ... ... No comment.)

Rule #188: Dog food is called dog food for a reason. Why would you even try to eat it?

(... ... That's all on Rob.)

Rule #189: No more shipping League Members. It is not fun, and it could be hurtful when you are wrong.

(I ship Shinilante! Oh, and Green Canary! Ooh, and Wonder Bat! And Billy with that girl I found him walking to school with!)

Rule #190: Land dwellers eat fish. This does not mean you can attack them. You know who you are.

(... ... ... But fish are friend...)

Rule #191: If a member of the Team has a significant other outside of the business, and is then dumped by said significant other, you are not allowed to torment the ex.

(I'm pretty sure Kaldur doesn't even know we're tormenting Tula. Well, she deserves it! Breaking our little Fish's heart!)

Rule #192: If you feel displeased with how the press portrays you, please deal with it in a CONSTRUCTIVE manner. I don't care how satisfying it is, you may not sic Wolf on the next reporter you see.

(Well, he is the size of a small cow... Meh, they deserve it.)

Rule #193: No more glitter wars. This is getting out of hand.

(... ... Yeah, I agree with that. It is getting out of hand.)

Courtesy of another Guest:

Rule #194: You are not to spread rumors of various heroes hooking up with villain.

(Batman. Catwoman. Talia Al Ghul. 'Nough said.)

Rule #195: Conner is Superman's clone. Not his illegitimate child. Stop with the rumors.

(Damn! They know!)

Rule #196: Superboy having half of Luthor's DNA does not make him his full son. Which means you cannot hack into Luthor's account and take money for Conner, no matter what occasion.

(... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... But Conner deserves all of the good things in life! Which are bought with; you guess it!; money!)

Courtesy of KK:

Rule #197: Do not make do your homework while on a mission.

(... But I needed help with English!)

Addition to the rule: And you may not ask the villains for help either.

(But Jason's very good at this! And so is Ivy! And, surprisingly enough, Harley and Lex!)

Courtesy of Rainbow Cloud Art:

Rule #198: Do not make any jokes about Batman. You will regret it.

(The stalker's always around!)

The rest are mine:

Rule #199: From now on, you are not allowed to watch any kind of show that has to do with fighting. The number of visits to the infirmary has tripled, and you have barely been on any missions!

(Eh, that's all the other guys that can't take the Tombstone! Sides, how was I supposed to know a kick to the face would make Arty go into a comma?)

Rule #200: We do not care if you are used to getting beaten up, you cannot fight for a living. That also includes entering the WWE. What the hell were you kids thinking?

(I was Sheamus' student for the whole teen story line. It was like this, me and my team were the good teens, while there were other evil teens that wanted to take us down. And it all ended with me getting the World Heavyweight Championship after having beaten Alberto del Rio!)

Well, these are the last rules in this little story. After I write a story for all of these, it is done with! But, do not fret, it'll take some time to finish all of these. So you'll get your safe dose of insanity.

Please review.