Hpov
After Valentine's Day, perfect Sirius disappeared again, this time for nearly a week. Usually it didn't bother me, but I was starting to get worried. Normally when Sirius kept his distance, it lasted for a day or two at most. It was like he couldn't help himself, he kept coming back, but as the week progressed he became more and more withdrawn spending more time with his friends, barely talking to me in class, and constantly seeming distracted.
But it wasn't just Sirius that seemed different. It was everyone. James, Lily, Alice, Remus, even Peter. There had been several occasions where they'd all been talking about something and suddenly stopped when I joined them. They all seemed to glance at Sirius anxiously whenever I was around, and whenever I was with Alice and Lily I under the impression that they were having many silent conversations with the expressions they gave each other. I had the feeling they all weren't telling me something, not just Sirius.
I dealt with the stress the way I always did, by burying myself in work. In March I was applying for and internship into the training program at St. Mungo's Hospital. They would receive my N.E.W.T scores over the summer but I was hoping to get an early acceptance, which meant as long as I passed all the required subjects, I had a guaranteed spot. So I wanted to make sure I logged in as many volunteer hours as possible in the hospital wing. I figured if Sirius needed some time to himself, I might as well use mine for something constructive.
Unfortunately, the patients coming to the Hospital Wing lately hadn't been very useful at all.
"What is it this time Dennis?" I asked in exasperation when I spotted a small third year sitting on one of the beds. He had short red hair and wide brown eyes that snapped onto me as I stepped into the hospital wing. For the past two weeks, ever since I'd treated him for a potion burn, he'd been popping up in the Hospital Wing every few days with a new malady.
"I think I have the flu." He said glancing over my shoulder nervously.
"Do you have a fever?"
"No."
"What about a cough?"
"No."
"Stuffy nose, sore throat?"
"No."
"Well then I don't see anything wrong with you Dennis." I said patiently.
He looked as if he wanted to say something, but paled slightly and glanced over my shoulder again.
"I know I'm not an expert." Said a familiar voice as a pair of strong arms wrapped around me from behind. "But in my opinion he's faking so he can to see the pretty assistant in the Hospital Wing." Sirius kissed my check and whispered. "I know I would."
"What are you doing here?" I asked him suspiciously as he let me go.
"I came to see you." He said innocently and then fixed Dennis with an amused expression. "Although I can see I might have to wait in line. You wouldn't be trying to flirt with my girlfriend Dennis would you?"
"No Sirius." Dennis said quickly his eyes wide in fear, confirming my long term suspicion that James and Sirius were legends to the students in the lower years.
"Then I suggest you leave." He said and Dennis quickly scrambled out of the hospital wing.
"What was that for?" I asked Sirius raising an eyebrow.
"He wasn't sick."
"Yes but you didn't have to scare him."
"I wanted to talk to you, in private."
"So we're talking again?" I asked him coolly and he sighed.
"I guess I deserved that." He said rubbing the back of his head.
"So are you ready to tell me why you were ignoring me?"
"I wasn't ignoring you." He muttered. "I was just figuring some stuff out."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Stuff I need to tell you."
"Which is?"
He hesitated on the verge of speech but was unable to do so apparently because when he opened his mouth, nothing came out.
"Still figuring it out I see." I said frowning.
"I guess so." He muttered.
"Well if you don't want to talk Sirius why are you here?" I asked him. I was too used to this behavior to be angry anymore, even annoyed. I was tired more than anything, and a little relieved to see that even if Sirius was struggling with what he wanted to say, at least he was trying. The silence it seemed, was over.
"I told you I wanted to see you."
"Here I am." I said resting my palms on the bed Dennis had just vacated and hoisting myself up, then turning around to look at him. The beds in the hospital wing were very high, and me sitting on this one made our faces almost level for once. I realized he was still in his quidditch gear, and figured he must have come straight after practice.
"Yes and I'll never get over the fact at how pretty you are." He muttered softly brushing a strand of hair out of my face and behind my ear. My breath caught as his eyes met mine and he smiled. "Brains and beauty. It almost just doesn't seem fair to the other girls in the school."
His face was very close to mine as again his arms made their way around my waist and I found it very hard to concentrate on anything but him.
"I'm not very concerned about other girls in the school." I said quietly.
"Neither am I." he said and it was true. Something had happened to Sirius recently, I wasn't sure what, but he'd seemed to lose interest in any other girls completely. They'd long since given up trying to convince him to cheat on me and were contenting themselves with giving me dirty looks in the corridors as I passed them but I didn't care. There was very little they could do to me now that I was sure that Sirius really was had meant what he said. He wanted this relationship to work and he had no intention of hurting me.
He gave me a thoughtful look.
"What?" I asked self-consciously.
"You know Hallie, you are the single most terrifying person I've ever met." He said quietly while pulling me closer to him and I wrapped my arms around his neck for support. I was on the edge of the mattress but he easily held me up.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked in what was almost a whisper unable to take my eyes off of him.
"Most girls when I met them, I couldn't imagine having them stick around for more than a couple days, and I've never met a girl I'd wanted for more than a week, until that day I met you in the hospital wing, almost three years ago. You were so different from everyone else, and it stuck with me. I didn't realize it at the time, but you are so much like me in a ways, and yet somehow, so very different. It intrigued me and ever since then I've wanted constantly to be around you and would do anything to get your attention even if I looked like an idiot."
"Which you did." I said grinning and he shrugged.
"I won't disagree with that."
"But why does that make me terrifying?" I asked softly.
"Because, since I've never wanted a girl to be around before, I've never been afraid to lose her."
"Are you afraid you're going to lose me?"
"More and more every day." He said quietly. "And that feeling to me is absolutely terrifying. The fact I could care about one person so much scares me, I've never had a person who's had such a drastic effect on me Hal. Not until you."
"Why do you think you're going to lose me?" I asked curiously. "Sirius I'm not going anywhere."
"You said it yourself I can't control everything."
"And you think what you can't control is going to take me away?" I asked him.
"Something like that." He muttered.
"Sirius would you just tell me what's bothering you?" I asked in frustration. "If I knew then maybe I-"
But I didn't finish because Sirius had cut me off with a kiss. I was shocked at first, but as he pulled me closer I relaxed and began to kiss back. It was normal at first, but soon I realized that he had no intention of breaking away. He pulled me closer again, pressing my body against him and I realized I was barely on the bed anymore, he was almost totally supporting my weight.
I redoubled my hold on him and he deepened the kiss. I felt another jolt of shock run through me as his fingertips brushed the skin under my shirt on my lower back. My body stiffened in surprise as that familiar feeling of electricity ran through me at his touch. Apparently he noticed this because he immediately he pulled away and let me go.
Having just barely been on the bed, I began to slip without his hold but he easily caught me and lifted me back on the bed.
"Sorry." He said quietly.
"It's ok." I said feeling a little breathless. I wanted to kiss him again but something was different in his eyes. It was as if something inside them had shut down. Distant Sirius was back.
"Look Hallie, I've got to go."
"Where?" I asked disappointed. I was almost done in the hospital wing, and he knew that. Usually we did homework together on weeknights.
"Just some stuff with the guys." He said evasively.
"Will I see you later tonight?"
"Probably not." He said avoiding my gaze.
"So you won't be in classes tomorrow either?" Sirius and his mates always skived off classes the days after they were causing trouble.
"No."
"Fine." I said although it wasn't. I slid off the bed and walked away from him towards the potions cabinet.
"Hallie don't do this." He said with a sigh.
"Do what?"
"Act all angry."
"I'm not angry, I'm busy." I said but it was a lie. I was very angry and my hands shook slightly as I put away bottles.
"You know I don't believe you."
"I don't care."
"You're a terrible liar."
"Well that makes one of us." I said glaring back at him.
"Hallie." He said and I saw that he'd crossed the room so that he was standing right in front of me and he put his hands on my shoulders. "There are reasons why I don't tell you everything. But I promise," he looked at me his gaze intense. "To you I never lie."
"Then why don't I believe you?" I asked coldly glaring right back.
He let go of me and I was startled to see hurt flash through his eyes, but it was immediately shut down.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow." He said his face blank and his tone void of emotion.
He turned and walked towards the dormitory door, and as I watched his figure walk through the door, an insane, but absolute ambition ran through me. I was going to figure out what he was hiding tonight, even if I had to follow him. I was sick of being left out, I was sick of being the only one kept in the dark.