"Jack, he tried to kill her."
"But he didn't... Look... Just hear what he has to say, okay?"
That's what Jack had said, an hour earlier. They hadn't talked since then. He still didn't know if Ianto was up for listening to Owen-Ethan, but he was still waiting with them at least. Even Gwen and Tosh hadn't talked once they had arrived, which was unusual for the team. Jack had been waiting for hours, pacing in the hospital's corridor. They wouldn't let them see Owen yet so they had to wait. He had sat at some point, then a woman had entered with her child and he had let them his chair. So he was pacing again. He hadn't slept at all, he knew Ianto hadn't really as well, they had just been staring at the wall without talking. Things weren't bad between them, but the thing with Owen wasn't really helping. And none of them had had the time to process the new informations they had learnt on the other. Ianto's painful memory, even if Jack had known it wouldn't be happy fluffy unicorns, it still asked for a bit of reflection. To know if Jack would ever be qualified to help him. He wasn't sure he was, but he sure would give it a try. And Jack had told him about his family and Gray, things even Gwen or Owen didn't know. Only Tosh, good, faithful, so human and so kind Tosh. He wondered how she was taking it. He knew she liked everyone single one of them very much, that they all were her family, but he also knew Owen had already been more. She had stared at him as something more than a friend at some point, but it had disappeared from her eyes. Either she had realised it and stopped, or she didn't feel the same any more.
As Jack knew Ianto very well, he opted for the first choice. Because Ianto and Tosh both were very good at hiding things and Jack was almost certain Ianto had already helped Tosh hiding her feelings. He didn't know why he thought that, but he had this mental image of the two quietest of the team exchanging tips on how to make themselves the smallest possible.
He almost chuckled at the thought, but just then a doctor came and told them Owen was awake and that they could see him. Those who weren't already standing rose in a second and they all walked silently to the room, ignoring the doctor's advice not to suffocate Owen with their presence. Four in a small hospital room was a lot.
As they entered and took place in silence, Jack noticed how Ianto stood by the door, glaring angrily at Owen, how Gwen stood next to Owen's bed looking at the floor, and how Tosh sat in the chair by Owen's bed and took his hand in hers. She stared at their joined hands to avoid his eyes while he glanced at her, surprised. Jack himself stood at the end of the bed, his hands on it, trying to suppress any emotion from his face.
Nobody talked, which was probably the worst for Owen. He would have expected shouts and accusations and shock or even another blow from Ianto. But nothing. Ianto looked the more uncomfortable except for the man lying in the bed, he was crossing and uncrossing his arms on his chest and sometimes breathing heavily. Jack shot him a worrying look that Ianto didn't return, his eyes glued to Owen. Jack sighed and looked back at his injured employee.
"I guess you figured out most of it," Owen finally said, looking at Ianto, then away.
Ianto opened his mouth but said nothing, and the others nodded or shrugged.
"I... I'm sorry. I lied about a lot of things concerning my past... My name, where I come from... It's just... I changed and I... It's no excuses, I know. Anyway," he took a big inspiration. "I was young when I started getting into trouble. I just wouldn't stop. One day I pissed off the wrong people, and they helped me. They fucking saved me, to be honest. It's just 'they' or 'the organisation', no names, no questions asked. They hired me, didn't give me much of a choice even if I didn't realise it back then. My job was simple, killing people who had done bad things. I didn't really mind, I really owed them my life, until I realised most of them were innocent people. People with families and friends and a life and I had no right to take that away from them. I left the organisation.
"Except it didn't work like that, did it?" he nervously laughed. "I was trying to do things better with a friend when I... we... Well, the place we were working in exploded. We were only two, and he... And Owen died. He was my best friend, had been since high-school, he had lost his father and wasn't really talking to his mother any more, he had witnessed my fall to the darkness and had done everything to help me. And he had, you know? Helped me. Put me back on the right track. And just like that he... he was dead."
"So you took his identity," Ianto snapped, unable to contain himself.
"Yes, I did," Owen said as he looked at him in the eyes. "He was kind, and he was my friend, but they didn't care. I couldn't keep living as... as Ethan, so I took his identity. He was too burnt for anyone to tell the differences between the two of us... My name was Ethan Wallace, but I... I became someone else, I'm not... Oh God I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie, but it was too much..." He started to cry but took a deep breath to calm himself, and the tears were gone.
"What about Arthur?" Jack asked, hoping it would help to think about something else, and needing to know who he had killed the previous day.
"Arthur was a..." Owen hesitated. "He was my boyfriend. Sort of. We were just playing around. I mean we were shagging and... I guess we were boyfriends, yeah, but I've never really felt any kind of love for him, not in this place. He did, though, he told me he had been in love with me for a while and..." he sighed again. "He was working for them too, but he had been raised there. I... I think I was the only person keeping him sane at some point... I left him there, I didn't really care, I hadn't realised he liked me that much. Anyway, he was the one to... to kill Owen. He liked him, and he didn't mean to, I was his target, not... not Owen. He didn't tell the organisation I wasn't really dead. And he went crazy after that.. Too many killings, I guess..."
"Do you know?" Ianto asked. He seemed to be the only one able to talk.
"What?" Owen looked at him again, confused.
"Do you know how many? How many people you've killed? How many lives you've destroyed?"
"Ianto that's enough," Jack said, and anger and sadness could be heard in his voice. Ianto clenched his fists and eventually looked at Jack.
"I do," Owen said before they could argue. They shouldn't argue because of him. "I do... And I never forgot anyone, and I have to live with that number, everyday."
"How many?" Jack asked this time. He didn't want to know but he needed to. How many lives one of his own had ruined?
"Two hundreds and twenty-one," he confessed aloud for the second time in less than twenty four hours. He didn't move when Gwen ran out of the room and Tosh let go of his hand. Jack just stared at him, and Ianto seemed to hesitate to go after Gwen but didn't move.
"Why her?" He finally asked, the question burning his lips since he had understood Owen had been the one in Rhiannon's house that night.
Owen sighed, well aware of who he was referring to. "Arthur sent a letter with her name. I thought it was them, and that I still had a final debt to pay. They threatened my mother, so I had to do it. But I... I couldn't bring myself to do it. I really did change and... I liked my life, I like the lot of you, and I didn't want to ruin that, even if it meant dying. I didn't know Arthur was acting alone."
"What happened to the organisation?" Jack asked, professionally. No emotion in his voice this time.
"Dismantled. Arthur killed some. The others are gone I don't know where. It doesn't exist any more. It really isn't a threat."
"You didn't answer my question," Ianto said, quieter than before.
"Arthur wanted us to be back. He wanted to know if I could, and for that he ordered me to kill someone dear to one of my friends."
"So now I'm your friend?" Ianto scoffed. Jack rolled his eyes, knowing Ianto had never believed Owen saw him as more than an unwelcome presence most of the time.
"You've always been, though I'm rubbish at showing it. And I care for my friends. I couldn't do that to you, you just have lost so much, and I can understand that... Even when Arthur threatened my mother, I still couldn't do that to you. To an already broken person."
"So you were honest about your mother..." Tosh eventually said with an unsteady voice.
"I've always have been. Just not... Over some points. But yeah, I do have a big sister, and my mother, but they both think I'm dead. I'm just keeping an eye on my mother from a distance. Though, I really don't care about my sister."
"I'm sorry I," Tosh said as she stood up. "I should go see Gwen."
And she disappeared of the room. Jack looked at Ianto who had only moved from the door when Gwen had left the room, and was still staring at Owen, a hand in his pocket. Jack frowned when he noticed his other hand was shaking. He had never seen Ianto so pissed off. He then realised that Owen – Ethan, whatever, he was still Owen for him – had his usual face on, which meant that Ianto was controlling his powers despite the situation. It made him smile, just as Ianto was looking at him. He looked away and put his other hand in his pocket so Jack would not see him shaking. Jack stared back at Owen who hadn't talked or moved.
"I'm sorry," he sighed again. "I know I don't deserve anything from you, especially not forgiveness, but..."
The sound of the door being slammed shut made him jump even if he had seen Ianto opening it right before. He stared at it for a second then shook his head. Jack studied him and sighed when he saw the look of defeat on his face. He walked to the side of the bed and sat on it.
"I can't promise anything for Ianto," he said with a small smile.
"Yeah... I really am sorry, you know? I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't mean to hurt any of you. And lie. But it's just... I really did become someone else, and that... that Owen, it's me now."
"I know. Believe me, I get the feeling, and I get why you did it. But you hurt Rhiannon. I don't think Ianto really mind being shot at. I mean of course he does, but you almost killed the only family he has left."
"I know, I know... And I feel like shit for this. And she is so sweet... But... I don't know Jack, I don't know what to do. I have nothing left. I have nothing other than Torchwood."
"Make it up to Ianto. Make it up to Tosh, and Gwen. Make it up to me."
"What...? Jack..."
"This is what you wanted me to give Arthur, isn't it? A second chance. Take it for him. He was already lost, but I believe you're not. Not yet. And I'm not ready to lose you."
"Jack..." Owen whispered, tears in his eyes.
"I can't promise anything for anyone, actually. But I know they'll try. Tosh will be the first, she has already half forgiven you. But, Owen?" he asked, standing up and leaning on, his face against Owen's so he could talk against his ear. "If you hurt her more than this, I will blow your head off myself."
With that, Jack straightened up and hid a satisfied smile at the brief look of horror that passed Owen's eyes. He waited for him to nod and turned his back to exit the room. He turned again to look at Owen who was staring at his shaking hands, trying to hold back his tears.
"Last thing. You'll always be Owen for us. We don't want someone else," Jack said, and smiled, as a father would to his son who had just been foolish, when he noticed that Owen was really crying now.
He opened the door and didn't answer even if he heard the "Thank you" Owen murmured.
Hello!
I don't have much to say but still wanted to thank the few of you that followed this story :) I'm quite proud of it because it's pretty long, for me, and I took it where I wanted it to be! It's quite an open-ending, but... well i don't have any explanation, it's just an open-ending haha
And thanks to Moranginette (on Ao3) who put up with my complaining and laziness and tried to correct mistakes she saw :D