Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach
Chapter 22
Lost in the Rain
Her protests were completely ignored as she was led from the meeting hall. Angry shouts and bitter curses were spat from her mouth as she was practically dragged from the room by her white clothed and masked guards. The tirade would have continued if one of the guards hadn't used a kido spell to knock her out cold.
She awoke, groggy and with a nasty headache, in her little cell in the First Division. Her head was aching badly enough that she reached up to see if it had actually been cracked open. It hadn't, but she did have a pretty good sized bump on the side of her forehead. She guessed that rather than being caught after being hit with the spell that had knocked her out she had been allowed to collapse onto the cold, hard stone of the meeting hall.
"Bastards," she grumbled, sitting up with a groan as the world spun around her. She let herself lay back down on her flat pillow, closing her eyes as the nauseating feeling and spinning slowed.
There were quiet, shuffling footsteps in the hall leading to her cell. She ignored them, not wanting to move and risk another dizzy spell.
"Your head hit pretty hard when you fell." The voice belonged to Captain Unohana, it was soft and carried a slight hint of apology. "How are you feeling?"
The sound of the door opening made Sayomi cringe. "Like I have a knife stuck in my skull."
"Here, let me take a look," Unohana offered.
Sayomi tried not to pull away as the woman's warm hands brushed some of her hair aside so the bump on her head could be more easily viewed. Even the lightest brush of air was painful. A sigh escaped her lips gratefully when a cooling, yet calming warmth began to soothe the ache in her head. The sensation lasted for close to two minutes and when it stopped, she opened her eyes to see Unohana smiling down at her.
"Better?" The healer asked.
"Much, thank you," Sayomi replied, slowly sitting up. A careful brush of her fingers over her forehead told her that the bump was very nearly gone, she would likely have a bit of a bruise, but a bruise would heal in time. She was just glad that her head no longer felt as if it was being crushed beneath the weight of an elephant.
"Do you need to treat her so kindly? She is a traitor, remember?"
Sayomi glanced at the petite woman that had appeared outside of her cell. It was Soi Fon and she looked as far from pleased at being in her presence as anyone could possibly be.
"You are entitled to believe what you would like, Captain, but she is to be released and while she will be monitored, it shows the Head Captain has some faith in her, as should we."
Soi Fon's face twitched disdainfully. "I'll pass."
"So you're the decoy?" Sayomi guessed, figuring the woman wouldn't be anywhere near her unless she had a reason. Plus, Soi Fon was a captain and therefore trusted and happened to have a similar build to Sayomi. Both were fairly short, lean and agile. There were differences in their builds, but they could be hidden easily enough. Being that Sayomi was in a fairly sour mood, she decided to prod at one to get a rise out of the excitable woman. "Couldn't they find someone with a little more up top? I'm not a flat chested child after all." She grinned when Soi Fon's brow twitched dangerously. "What? I may not be as busty as Rangiku, but come on-"
"That's enough, Sayomi."
Sayomi shrugged carelessly, but quieted as Byakuya stepped up to the bars of her cell beside Soi Foi. His lieutenant was just a few steps behind him and looked like he was trying not to laugh as he glanced at Soi Fon's angry scowl. "Just having some fun."
"For someone claiming not to be a child you certainly act like one, but you always were a bit childish," Byakuya pointed out casually.
Her disinterested look melted into a hard glare. "Why don't we just get to the point, shall we? I refuse to cooperate with this decoy plot. I do have a choice," Sayomi snapped, her voice booming out of her small frame with proud defiance when Byakuya tried to speak. "I will not help you kill my own brother, my own flesh and blood. You're a fool if you think I would, but then again you always were too full of arrogance and pride to really be able to judge people well."
"Goodness, it's a good thing we came to check up on you kids. Doesn't look like things are going too well."
Two more people appeared from the hall, Captains Kyoraku and Ukitake. Kyoraku was wearing an aloof grin and winked at Sayomi while Ukitake offered a kind, warm smile of his own and a small wave.
"Of course things aren't going well, Kyoraku," Soi Fon sneered. "She's refusing to cooperate, even though she has no choice."
"Now, now," Kyoraku cut in chidingly before Sayomi could retaliate with her own words. "Why don't we all just calm down a little. I would have thought that Captain Kuchiki here would have known better than to let you antagonize her, she's never responded well to that sort of thing, has she, Captain?"
Byakuya looked unperturbed by the remark. "Captain Soi Fon is free to do as she pleases."
"True, but wouldn't it have been easier to explain things to Sayomi? You know her quite well, Captain Kuchiki, shouldn't be much of a problem for you to get her to listen to you. Or do you just like seeing her get all riled up? She's pretty cute when she's mad, isn't she?" Kyoraku joked.
"Shunsui," Ukitake sighed, shaking his head at his friend's antics.
"I'm not listening to anyone," Sayomi snapped. "I will not help you kill my brother!"
Kyoraku held his hands up in an offering of peace. "Calm down. We're not asking you to do that, Sayomi."
She frowned disbelievingly. "Then what are you asking me to do?"
"Simply to bear with us and see what happens," he replied.
"What happens?" She repeated.
It was Ukitake that spoke up now. "If it's true that Aizen arranged all of this, we're all being manipulated into playing his game. No one is very fond of that idea, but we would like to see if the suspicions that he will send someone to retrieve you are true. I know you don't like the idea of being used, Sayomi, none of us do, but would you rather stay here and help us fight Aizen or go back to Aizen?"
She looked utterly offended by the notion that she would go back to Aizen. Her face darkened and her hands clenched against the edge of the bed. "I will never go back there," she ground out hotly.
Ukitake smiled gently to show he had meant no harm with his question. "Then why not let us help you?"
"Help me?" She questioned, a brow tilting upwards cynically. "Only you would say something like that, Ukitake. You know the goal here isn't to help me, but to have me help you."
"You still have friends here, Sayomi," he offered, that same kind smile on his face again. "Don't friends help each other?"
Sayomi sighed, shaking her head. Ukitake certainly had a way with words and his kindness was so hard to ignore. "Seriously, only you." The white haired man smiled and Sayomi shook her head again, rolling her eyes. "Jeez, Ukitake, I'm beginning to remember just how annoying you were."
"But you love him," piped Kyoraku, slinging an arm over his fellow captain's shoulder. "I mean just look at this face." He lightly patted Ukitake's cheek as he grinned at Sayomi.
"And you said we were acting like kids?" Soi Fon grumbled.
"So what do you say, Sayomi?" Inquired Kyoraku. "Want to work together with some old friends again? It'll be fun."
She stared at him for a moment before letting her eyes go back to Ukitake. He wouldn't lie to her, she didn't think Kyoraku would either, but she wanted an honest answer without having to do more than ask the question that was bothering her. "My brother? If Aizen does send him after me what will happen to him?"
There was a flicker behind Ukitake's eyes and he let out a quiet breath, but it wasn't him that answered. Byakuya spoke before the older man could.
"He may be your brother, Sayomi, but you do realize what he's done, don't you? Even if he was manipulated and molded by Aizen, he let it happen. He chose to follow Aizen, to betray Soul Society. All choices have consequences. You can't save him from the consequences of his own decisions and foolishness."
Her blue eyes stayed locked with Byakuya's for a moment, but then she looked away, down at her hands in her lap. She rubbed her fingertips together, the skin was somewhat rough and calloused, but she hardly noticed. "I know that, Byakuya, but.. I can't kill him either. Please... Please don't make me be a part of this."
She loathed how pathetic she sounded, how insignificant and ignoble he was capable of making her feel. Only Byakuya had ever been able to make her feel so much at once, no one else knew her the way he had. No one else was able to get under skin without trying, without even meaning to. Maybe it wasn't even that he was getting under her skin, but that his presence reminded her of so much that she had lost. So much she had held onto for so long, a past that she could never change and a future that had so cruelly been taken from her.
'You still love him.' Fuyukaze's voice was more distant than usual, it made her heart ache and made her feel so very alone.
'I'll always love him,' she thought.
'He still loves you.'
"We don't even know if he will come. If he does, do you really think the Head Captain would want him killed?" Byakuya suggested, breaking through her thoughts.
Her jaw tightened and she closed her eyes, she didn't like the situation she was in. Didn't want to have to make these decisions that could possibly pit her against her own brother, but Byakuya was right. He usually was, and now Sayomi saw what Kyoraku had meant. Byakuya was one of the only people she would listen to and believe because he had never lied to her, not that Kyoraku or Ukitake had, but he had always been brutally honest. His pride and his respect for her had never let him lie, but that was a long time ago. She could hardly believe he still respected her, not after everything that had happened. However, he hadn't told her anything, he had asked her a question. He wasn't telling her because he thought she would doubt his words and because he knew the best way to get her to understand would be to make her think for herself.
"No," she finally said quietly, shaking her head. "No, he wouldn't want him dead. He would want him alive because we still need information on what Aizen is planning. He would be able to give that to us. And..." Her eyes closed again as she took a breath and looked up to meet Byakuya's eyes again. "He would give it us."
"Why do you say that, Sayomi?" Kyoraku asked curiously. "You make it sound like it would be simple."
"It would," she replied, taking a breath and closing her eyes for a moment before she slowly released the breath through her mouth and looked up to meet his eyes. "Because he won't lie to me."
Later that evening after everyone had left for the night, Sayomi quietly sat with her back against the wall and her eyes on her hands that she had folded in her lap. She kept glancing at her wrist where Fuyukaze should have been, but wasn't, and it made her feel immensely lonely with him gone. She could still hear his voice and converse with him, but it just wasn't the same, she had never really been separated from him before and she didn't like the feeling whatsoever. With a sigh, she closed her eyes while absently rubbing her wrist and tilting her head back against the smooth stone wall.
A few minutes after she had closed her eyes there were quiet, even footsteps approaching her cell. She opened her eyes as the footsteps stopped to see who her visitor was at such a late hour. "Shouldn't you be home with your wife, Byakuya?" She asked blandly.
"My wife is dead." He answered evenly, watching Sayomi's reaction with his dark eyes.
Sayomi's own pale blue eyes widened and a gasp slipped passed her lips in her surprise. She tried to think of a reply, but couldn't and wound up lowering her head with a soft sigh. She had done enough to hurt the man in front of her, she didn't want to say or do anything else to hurt him further because no matter how much she tried to tell herself that she no longer cared about him, she did, she loved him and always would. The more she saw him, the more often she heard him speak, the more often her heart would skip a beat in her chest and the more she longed for the life they should have had together.
"Hisana died five years after we were married," Byakuya told her, voice still even and calm. "Her health had always been poor and she fell ill while trying to find her sister, Rukia whom she had abandoned in the Rukongai."
At the mention of the Rukongai, Sayomi's fists clenched, she had no good memories of the world outside of the Seireitei and had no desire to ever think about the disgusting conditions she and her brother had lived in. A part of her couldn't help but feel some form of anger at the fact that Byakuya's late wife had abandoned her sister in that hell hole, but a part of her could also understand the woman's reasons.
She had been lucky having Gin as a brother, he had taken care of her despite the fact that it was much more difficult to care for anyone other than yourself in the towns that they had had to ghost through as children."I'm sorry, Byakuya, I had no idea," she finally said, still not bothering to look up at the black haired man who stood outside of her cell.
"She was a commoner," he continued. "I met her fifty years after your disappearance and fell in love. The elders were against my marrying her, but I insisted, I loved her. She was the only other woman I had ever felt anything for besides you and I wasn't going to let it go and risk losing her. I had lost enough."
"Why are you telling me this, Byakuya?" Sayomi questioned quietly, lifting her head enough to peer at him with tired and glassy eyes. "I remember you clearly telling me to return to the dead because that was what I was to you, dead. So why tell me about your wife or anything else? It's not like I deserve to know. I abandoned this place, you, my entire life...I left it all behind-"
"The choice to go to the aid of your comrades was yours, but the other choice that was made that night, to experiment on loyal Soul Reapers was not yours. Was it?"
She shook her head, letting her eyes drift shut and sighing tiredly before letting her eyes flutter open again. "No, of course not, but what does that change? I was forced to betray Soul Society after that, to hide in the world of the living and never be accepted by anyone and never let anyone know who I was or what I was. Then, after that, I betrayed the only friends I had left to kill my brother. Now my brother is all I have left and you want to use me as bait to capture him. I'm not an idiot, Byakuya, once he's given us information he'll be of no use, neither will I. At least we'll die together I suppose."
Byakuya remained silent, studying Sayomi in the dim light that the single bulb in the cell cast over her. She looked tired, worn and nothing like the beautiful, strong willed woman he remembered from nearly a century ago. That wasn't to say that she still wasn't beautiful with her long white hair hanging over her shoulders in soft waves as her pale blue eyes stared back at him from her pale face. "Were you happy? In the living world with the others and..that man?"
The question was rather abrupt and unexpected so Sayomi couldn't help but to blink almost dumbly at him for a moment. "At first..no, I wasn't happy at all. I wanted to come home. I wanted to be with you, but Soul Society was going to kill us so that was impossible and I didn't want to endanger you...I loved you too much. I was told that you were dead several years after we left, I believed it and for years I grieved and just couldn't let go. When I finally did it was Kensei that was there for me and it took some time, but I eventually grew happy again. Then I left and... I'm used to being alone now, it's safer that way."
"Safer for you or them?"
"Both really. I almost killed Hiyori for insulting you and Kensei, though I suppose in some senses she was right. I was never good enough for you or him, I spend too much time looking out only for myself and not anyone else."
"You don't honestly believe that, do you?" Byakuya asked.
"Why does it matter to you, Byakuya? I'm likely going to be dead in a few weeks time and as I've already mentioned, you told me to return to the dead once. So why are you here? What do you want from me?"
"When Hisana died everything changed for me and it wasn't until recently that I began to see that maybe there were other ways of doing things. I had sworn to never again break another law and that I would uphold the values of the remaining nobility. I also swore that I would never let myself love again. I didn't want to be hurt again, I didn't want to experience another loss since it seemed to be the only thing I received any time I loved someone. Then you reappeared from seemingly nowhere and I was reminded that I was capable of feeling, but I didn't want to feel anything so I rejected you instead."
"Byakuya," Sayomi whispered, she felt a deep sadness for him. He had decided on being alone instead of risking having his heart broken again. Standing from where she was perched on the bed, Sayomi walked to the bars and reached a thin, pale hand through them. "I'm so sorry, I really am. I should have listened to you, I should never have gone off on my own that night," she said softly as she let her fingers lightly graze his cheek and push some of his hair back.
"You would have gone anyway, Sayomi, I know you well enough to know that," the noble replied, taking her hand in one of his own and holding it against his chest for a moment before releasing it and letting it fall back to her side.
She smiled softly, her eyes becoming distant as she brought her hand to her chest and held it there. "Yes, you're probably right."
"I should be going, I fell behind with the day's paperwork and my lieutenant is fairly useless. Good night, Sayomi," Byakuya said, bowing his head to her and then turning to sweep elegantly from the room.
"Night," she mumbled after him.
Almost twenty-four hours had passed since it had been decided that Soi Fon would stand in for Sayomi, who the rest of Soul Society now believed was to be executed in one week. Even Ichigo and Uryu had been led to believe that she was to be executed despite how the meeting they had attended had ended. They believed that Sayomi refused to cooperate and was therefore to be executed in one week, they had been sent back to the world of the living without even being able to see her.
Sayomi was sitting with her legs crossed on the bed, waiting for the arrival of Soi Fon, who would be covertly making her way in so she could be led to the Repentance Tower in her place. Before the small woman arrived she had several visitors who came to say what would look like goodbyes. Kyoraku and Ukitake were two of them, Byakuya and his lieutenant were the others, but they were there because it had been decided she would be placed under the Sixth Division Captain's watchful eye.
When the Head Captain arrived, followed in by the captain of the Twelfth Division, Sayomi knew that it was time for her to transform. She wasn't entirely pleased with having an audience, but she did as she was supposed to and popped out of the neck of her robe as a fluffy white cat after letting her body shift and shrink. The bands around her hands and ankles had fallen away, but the band around her throat was still loosely in place. This was replaced with a different band, a black one created by Kurotsuchi himself. It would allow her to switch between forms if she needed to, but would otherwise restrict her reiatsu and keep her nice and harmless.
As everyone filed out, Sayomi followed Byakuya who was the last to leave. He didn't follow the entourage leading Soi Fon away, who had had a linen bag pulled over her head to hide her face. Instead he and Renji turned down one of the long walkways leading out of the First Division.
Sayomi had to admit that it was nice to be able to walk around outside. The sun felt nice as it warmed her fur and the air in Soul Society was much fresher and lighter than that in the world of the living. She found herself trotting along with a slight bounce to her step despite the situation she was in and she could even sense Fuyukaze's own happiness about being out in Soul Society once again, even if they weren't together.
When Byakuya stopped suddenly just inside the gate leading into the First Division, Sayomi bumped into his leg and blinked up at him to see he was giving her a rather indifferent look.
"I have to return to work. You're free to do whatever you'd like so long as you stay in that form and are at the compound after nightfall."
"You're just going to let me run around Soul Society?" She asked. "Aren't you supposed to be making sure I don't cause any trouble?"
"Do you plan on causing any trouble?"
She blinked up at him uncertainly, he still had the ability to make her feel like a misbehaved child even after nearly a century. "..No."
"Then there should be no problem as long as you behave, should there?" He turned away from her as the gates swung open and she was left to dash out before they could close in her face.
She watched as Byakuya and his lieutenant walked down the street, away from her while she sat idly outside of the First Division. It had surprised her that she was to be placed under Byakuya's watch, she had expected to be placed with Ukitake since she wouldn't look so out of place by the gentle captain's side. Being under Byakuya's watch instead made her nervous, their relationship was rocky at best and considering the current situation she didn't want to get too close to him again. It would be too painful for of them in the end, after all, there was no guarantee that she was going to survive the week.
Not knowing what to do, where to go, or even if she was supposed to go anywhere outside of the Kuchiki compound she hopped up on the wall that divided the streets and simply followed it. Occasionally she would jump to another, but she remained off of the street and out of the way. It had been a long time since she had seen the Soul Society so she figured a nice walk around to see how it had changed would be interesting.
She wound up at the Thirteenth Division after a few hours of exploring Soul Society, figuring Ukitake would welcome her. It was as she was walking towards the offices and barracks that she was noticed by two of the division members. A tall man and a shorter girl.
"Look at the cute kitty!" The short girl shouted happily, running towards Sayomi who backed up slightly as the excited girl approached her.
"Don't touch that thing, Kiyone," the man who had been with her warned, staring down at Sayomi curiously. "It could have rabies or something."
"It doesn't have rabies, Sentaro, just shut up."
Sayomi blinked in confusion as the two started to argue incomprehensibly. She was attempting to walk passed the two when she was suddenly lifted by the scruff of her neck by the tall man, she gave a loud meow and a swiped at the hand that was holding her only to find herself suddenly being pulled out of the harsh grasp and crushed against the girl's chest. Not at all enthusiastic about being treated like a toy, she hissed angrily and struggled to get out of the hold she found herself in.
"What's going on you two?"
Sayomi said a silent prayer and thanks to Ukitake as the arguing stopped and the grip on her slackened. She leapt out of the arms of the small woman and ran to Ukitake, skidding to a stop behind him and peering around his leg at the two people who had just violated her personal bubble. Ukitake chuckled at her, reaching down to consolingly pat her head and offer a greeting before he straightened up.
"Do you know that cat, Captain?" The tall man, Sentaro asked.
"As a matter of fact I do," Ukitake replied. "She's an old friend I haven't seen around for awhile."
"See told you she was just a cute cat!" Kiyone shouted at Sentaro.
"You still should go around trying to pet every cute animal you see!"
Ukitake sighed, glancing down at Sayomi who was still hiding behind his leg. "Tea?"
Sayomi glanced up at him, gave an approving meow and trotted along beside the captain as they made their way to his personal home that sat above an expansive koi pond. It was more private here, part of the reason he had chosen to reside here and once they were walking on the wood path over the pond Ukitake apologized for his subordinates.
"Kiyone and Sentaro can get a little carried away sometimes, but they mean well."
Sayomi snorted. "If you say so, Ukitake."
"Byakuya working?" Ukitake inquired as he filled a kettle with water.
"Yes, he said I was free to do whatever I wanted so long as I didn't cause trouble and was at the Kuchiki compound in the evening." She walked to a pillow that sat by a short, square table and sat down on it while Ukitake made tea.
"I would have thought you would want to spend some time with him."
"Things aren't how they used to be, Ukitake. We're not engaged anymore. I don't even think we're friends anymore," she replied with a sigh.
"But you still love him," Ukitake said, glancing back at her while preparing their tea.
"So who's this Hitsugaya kid?" She asked, ignoring his previous comment. "He barely looks old enough to shave, how is he a captain? Especially of the Tenth Division," she grumbled.
Ukitake chuckled at her as he set three tea cups on the table before retrieving the kettle and pouring the hot water into a tea pot. He brought the tea pot to the table and set it down before taking a seat himself.
Sayomi glanced at the third cup. "Are you expecting someone else?"
There wasn't even time for him to answer when there was a knock on the door and it slid open.
"I brought sake," a familiar voice declared. "It's more fun than that boring green tea you always drink."
Kyoraku walked in, all smiles and plopped himself down on a pillow before placing a large bottle of sake down by the tea pot.
"Just because it's not sake doesn't make it boring, Shunsui," Ukitake sighed.
"Of course it does," the jovial captain replied. "So, Sayomi, how's freedom treating you?"
"So far so good, I suppose."
"Good, good. So you're under Captain Kuchiki's watch, huh? You two better behave," he teased.
"Shunsui," Ukitake chided lightly.
"What? They were engaged and all."
"We're not anymore," Sayomi pointed out. "We're not anything anymore."
"But you still love him," Kyoraku said.
"Would everyone stop saying that?" She snapped haughtily before huffing childishly. "Sorry, but I'm already well aware that I'll always love Byakuya, I don't need to be reminded. Loving him isn't going to change anything. I'm still a freak, and I'm still more than likely going to be executed when this whole thing is over and I'm not useful anymore. So can we just talk about something else? Like the weather? How's it been? Sunny?"
"You're still as stubborn as ever," Kyoraku replied, smiling at Sayomi. "Sake?" He asked, holding up the bottle and giving it a little shake so the liquid could be heard sloshing around inside.
"I'm a cat," she pointed out.
"So? Yoruichi drinks sake all the time," he countered.
"Yeah, well, Yoruichi also eats chicken nibbles all the time, even when she's not a cat. I'll pass this time, thanks though."
"So, Sayomi," Ukitake began as Kyoraku poured himself a glass full of sake. "How are you, really?"
She sighed, glancing at Kyoraku as he sipped on his sake. "You know, I think I'll take some sake after all."
With Byakuya busy with his work as a captain, Sayomi was given a great deal of freedom to do almost whatever she pleased. Much of her time was spent wandering around Soul Society so she could see the changes that had taken place and watch the various divisions as they went about their daily duties. She would visit Ukitake in the afternoons and they would talk while no one was around, Kyoraku would usually end up joining them as well, always with sake in tow. In the evenings she would return to the Kuchiki estate where she would make herself scarce since the servants would always try and chase her off if they saw her. She usually let herself into Byakuya's room and would wait for him to come home.
The first night, he hadn't returned until late and she had been so tired from staying up waiting for him, especially considering that she had spent hours leaping around roofs and walls as she reacquainted herself with Soul Society, that she had fallen asleep on his windowsill. He was gone when she woke up. The second and third nights were much the same and she knew that Byakuya wasn't simply working late, he was avoiding her as much as he could. She couldn't really blame him. She was a reminder of a different time for him, just as he was for her. It was the fourth day that she trailed along behind him to his office in the Sixth Division, he wasn't pleased about it, she could tell by the slight fluctuation in his usually well controlled reiatsu and the ever so slight scowl on his face when she hopped onto the ledge of the window that allowed fresh air into his neat and orderly space. She made herself comfortable there for awhile, head on her paws while her tail flicked behind her absently and he worked at his desk. After awhile the ledge proved to be uncomfortable and she hopped on to the wooden floor of Byakuya's office and stretched before hopping on to his desk and ignoring the look he gave her that told her he wasn't happy with her new choice of a resting place. She found a spot near the corner and curled up there.
"What are you doing?" Byakuya inquired blandly.
"Making myself comfortable," she replied simply.
"There?"
"I could always curl up on your lap," she retorted.
"You're fine where you are."
"Good, I wasn't asking for your permission anyway." Her tail flicked around her in annoyance, but the movements became slower over time until they stopped and she drifted into a light sleep.
Throughout the rest of the day, Sayomi followed Byakuya around, much to his annoyance, and the delight of his division who thought it was cute that a little cat would follow their usually stoic and unmoving captain around.
"Are you done yet?" Sayomi asked, rising from her perch on his desk to stretch and yawn widely. The sun was beginning to set and she was beginning to grow bored watching Byakuya work diligently. They were back in his office and he was back at work behind his desk, ignoring her presence just as he had for most of the day.
"No."
She sighed, flopping back down on his desk and watching him. "Do you plan on staying here most of the night again?"
"Perhaps," he replied.
"You're overworking yourself. Not that I'm surprised, you always did throw yourself into work whenever you wanted to avoid something."
"I'm not avoiding anything."
Her tail flickered and she rested her white head on her paws as she stared towards the window and the setting sun. "Then why won't you even look at me?" She inquired softly. She had been trying to act normally up to that point, she didn't know what else to do and she figured being herself was the best she could do given the circumstances.
Byakuya sighed, setting his pen down as he looked up at Sayomi. "If I was avoiding you I'm sure I could have done a better job seeing as how you've been following me around all day."
"Yet you've hardly said anything to me in the past few days. You're treating me like a nuisance."
"You are a nuisance."
She bristled, her tail twitching in annoyance as she stood. "Well, at least you're being honest now, but that was always something you were good at too. Sorry to have bothered you, Byakuya, I'll go and bother someone else and leave you in peace. It'll be like I'm dead, I'm sure that will suit you better. You did tell me to return to the dead after all."
"Sayomi." But before Byakuya could speak up, she was gone. Out of the window and into the quickly approaching night.
Sayomi wandered around Soul Society, all too aware of the breeze that was picking up and the scent of rain that was on the air. She ignored it though and continued walking aimlessly through the streets. Even when it began to rain, she kept on walking, oblivious to how her fur was sticking to her and the chill that was beginning to settle in her bones. It was as she was making her way towards the Thirteenth Division that she encountered a group of drunken men, men she could tell belonged to the Eleventh Division. She tried to give them a wide berth and avoid them, but one of them caught sight of her and a half drowned cat was far more entertaining than the crude jokes they had been telling.
She hissed and spit at them viciously while they tried to circle her, jeering and laughing. Not in the mood to be the punching bag for a bunch of drunks, she darted between them, and took off as quickly as she could. She wound up huddled and shivering beneath the little protection offered by an over hanging roof of the Ninth Division.
Not wanting to venture back into the rain, she stayed there and hoped the deluge would end soon so she could find some place warm to dry off and find some food and tea. However, her plans didn't go quite as planned and she found herself face to face with Rukia who was on her way home to the Kuchiki compound for the night.
"Hi there, little one," she said, her voice showing her concern as she reached out to tentatively scratch Sayomi's head. "What are you doing out here in this weather? Don't you have anywhere to go?" Rukia rubbed at the cat's head with a frown. "Poor thing, you're soaked and shivering. How about I take you home with me for the night?"
Sayomi gave a small meow of complaint when the girl tried to pick her up, the Kuchiki compound was what she was trying to avoid and being carried back, as pathetic as she was at the moment, didn't sound appealing. She could already imagine Byakuya's sigh and imagine what he'd have to say to make her feel small and insignificant. He had always been good at that, even when he wasn't trying.
When Rukia tried to calm her down, seeing how tense she was getting, Sayomi took off into the rain. The paving tiles were slick beneath her paws now, but she managed to not careen into any walls as she ran and turned a few corners in search of a new place to take shelter. She found herself hiding beneath a work bench near a section of wall that had been destroyed, likely in the excitement surrounding Aizen's betrayal. It was dry beneath the bench and a tarp had been tossed over it to keep the tools dry so it kept the wind from reaching her too. She shook as much water off as she could, spraying water all over the place, but not caring because it was better than being soaking wet and shivering.
She curled up under the work bench with every intention of waiting out the rain, a few people passed by her hiding place, but she was well hidden now and no one noticed her. Which was why it surprised her after nearly an hour when someone lifted the tarp and peered beneath the bench at her.
She stood up and stretched the stiffness from her bones before turning her back to the man who was watching her and lying back down, the tip of her tail twitching as if waving him away dismissively. She heard Byakuya sigh, but she ignored him and remained where she was. When she was grabbed lightly by the scruff of her neck, she growled threateningly, and glared at Byakuya as he held her up in front of his face.
"I was busy," she hissed though she let herself hand limply in his grasp.
"Drowning?" He asked dryly, an eyebrow tweaking up curiously.
She didn't reply, but did continue to glare at him. She must have looked pretty pathetic and ridiculous, but she didn't care. "Are you going to put me down?" She asked gruffly after a few seconds past.
"Are you going to follow me?"
She huffed. "No."
"Then no," he replied.
"What are you doing?" She protested when he gathered her in his arms and proceeded to cover her with his haori to protect her from the rain.
He ignored her question and her struggles to get free. When it become obvious that Byakuya wasn't letting her go she grudgingly relaxed. The warmth had lulled her into a light sleep during the walk back to the Kuchiki estate and she was surprised when she was set down on a rug in front of the fire that was going in his room.
"What were you thinking, Sayomi?" He asked after he set her down.
"Why do you care? Oh, because I'm no good to you or anyone else dead. Odd, because I thought that's what you wanted. Me, dead."
Byakuya sighed, there was no point in arguing with her. Not when she was so intent on being difficult. He let her make herself comfortable in front of the fire, her fur was still sticking to her body and he could see her shivering.
"Would you like some tea?" He offered.
"No." She sneezed after she answered, but shook it off and settled back down on the rug by the fire, ignoring Byakuya, whose eyes she could still feel on her.
"Why didn't you go to Ukitake's? You know he would have welcomed you."
She shifted position, but refused to answer.
"Do you always need to be so stubborn?" Byakuya asked.
She sneezed again, her small white body jolting with the force. "Yes."
"I'm going to call for some tea and food. You should eat and warm up before you catch a cold, if you haven't already."
Sayomi watched Byakuya leave the room and released a tired breath. She knew she was being stubborn, but he hadn't given her much reason to want to be anything else. Settling down, she closed her eyes and let the fire warm her up. When Byakuya returned, she didn't move or open her eyes. She drifted off to sleep as he moved about his room, not waking until a few moments later when the door slid open after a soft knock. The servant that entered was surprised to see her relaxing on her master's rug, but she said nothing and retreated from the room after setting the tray she carried down on a small, square table near the back of the room where the screens were slid open partially to allow some fresh air into the room and keep it from getting too warm because of the large fire.
Byakuya was sitting on a cushion at the table, a book in his hands that he scanned while picking at the food on the tray.
"You should eat, Sayomi," he said, catching her watching up.
Her tail flickered. "I'm not hungry."
"You need to eat."
"No, thank you. I wouldn't want to bother you."
"If I didn't want you here, you wouldn't be here," he pointed out.
"No? I thought you had to look after me, or did I hear wrong?"
"You're an adult, Sayomi, you can look after yourself. I offered to have you stay here because I thought you would be more comfortable here than with one of the other captains."
"..Why would you do that?" She asked curiously.
"I wanted to," he answered simply.
"Just like you wanted to see me being used in hopes of capturing my brother?"
"Would you rather have died?" He countered.
"Of course not," she snapped bitterly. "But I don't want to be used against my brother either."
"If your brother comes he'll be trying to take you back to Aizen. Back to the man who tried to kill you, Sayomi."
"He's my brother!"
"He's a traitor."
Flustered, Sayomi let herself change forms. She didn't care that she was huddled up on his rug naked and shivering, with her hair tangled over her and barely hiding her, but it was better than trying to argue in the form of a small, fluffy cat. "Your sister was deemed a traitor too, wasn't she? They tried to kill her, would have succeeded if not for the interference of Ichigo and his friends. You were going to let her be killed I hear, because you were trying to be the nobleman that everyone thought you should be. That you thought was expected. In the end though, you protected her, regardless of what was expected of you in upholding the law. I don't care what my brother has done, he's still my brother, just as Rukia is still your sister."
"That wasn't the same," he replied, rising from where he sat and slipping his haori from his shoulders. "Rukia didn't try to kill you, didn't try to destroy Soul Society and she was innocent. Your brother is not. Even you know that." He carefully placed his haori around Sayomi's shoulders, covering her naked body. "You're shaking."
"I do that sometimes when I'm angry."
"You can be angry, Sayomi. I wouldn't expect you to be happy about what's being asked of you, but you have to understand-"
"I do understand, but that doesn't make it fair. I'm tired of hurting everyone I care about, Byakuya. I'm tired of disappointing them and betraying them. You should have just let them kill me. You, Kyoraku, and Ukitake should have just left me alone." She closed her eyes, hoping to keep the tears that were threatening to fill her eyes at bay. Her head dropped and she let her hair that was still quite damp cascade over her shoulder and hide her face.
He lightly ran a hand over her cheek, brushing some of her hair back and out of her face. "You would make me lose you again? Just so you could be at peace?"
Her pale blue eyes fluttered open and she stared at Byakuya, speechless.
He stood up and offered her his hand. "The food is getting cold."
She held his haori closed over her body with one hand and let him help her to feet and lead her to the table. She sat on a pillow and stared blankly at the food on the table.
"Eat," Byakuya urged, but he didn't sit back down himself. Instead he made his way to the door and slipped into the hall.
There wasn't much, just a small dinner of miso soup, rice and tempura vegetables and some chicken. She sipped at the soup and nibbled at some of the other items. She hadn't realized how hungry she was, perhaps it was because as a cat she had a small stomach and therefore smaller appetite, but now that she was back to her usual self so was her usual appetite. Byakuya was only gone for a few minutes, but when he returned she had already finished the soup, vegetables and most of the chicken and rice.
He eyed the food and the bite she was raising to her mouth with a raised brow. "I thought you weren't hungry?" He asked, a slight teasing note to his voice.
"Lied," she replied before popping another bite into her mouth.
"There's a hot bath waiting for you across the hall," he told her, sitting back down at the table. "The staff have instructions to leave me be for the rest of the night unless called for. They won't be venturing to this side of the estate so you can take your time and not worry about being seen."
"Thank you." She finished her last bite of chicken and started to rise, making sure Byakuya's haori stayed closed as she did so. She made for the door, but paused and glanced over her shoulder.
Byakuya was reading the book he had set down earlier. He looked different now than she remembered, he had never really cared for reading or studying when they were younger so it was an interesting change to see him so relaxed with a book. He had liked being outside, had liked terrorizing her when ever they were training with Yoruichi, or she gave him the opportunity. The memories made her smile, he had been such a hot head in his youth, but he had obviously grown out of that stage. While somethings had changes, some hadn't. He still hadn't lost his ability to make her feel at ease, to make her momentarily forget about whatever was troubling her.
Sighing, she slipped out of the door and across the hall to find that a hot bath was indeed waiting for her. The hot water made her skin turn a bright shade of red as she settled herself into the tub, but she didn't mind. The warmth felt nice after having spent several hours in the rain. It felt like the cold was being sapped out of her bones where it had settled and had then refused to leave. She didn't want to leave the warmth of the water, but she knew it would grow cold in time so she washed her hair, scrubbed her skin until it felt raw and sat in the now lightly earthy smelling water until it began to cool too much for her liking. The bath was the first real one she had been able to indulge since before leaving Hueco Muendo. That wasn't to say she hadn't bathed, but a metal tub of luke warm water and harsh soap paled in comparison to the large tub and high quality soaps she was currently indulging in while also thinking about the past.
About Byakuya and how much he had changed, how much she had changed.
"Is it just me, Byakuya, or are you a little annoyed with me?" Sayomi asked, smirking as she placed her hands on her hips and watched the young black haired man lower the wooden sword he had been practicing with to his side.
The two were standing on the far edge of the Kuchiki compound. It was more open here and green, surrounded by trees that kept people from spying on the excitable and quick tempered young man as he practiced.
The young man's gray eyes narrowed slightly at Sayomi, she was out of the school uniform he had become accustomed to seeing her in and was wearing a pale blue kimono with white flowers along the right side of it with a plain white obi. She was almost always in some shade of blue. It was her favorite color and it suited her pale skin and snow white hair, not that Byakuya had any intention of telling her that.
"Are you going to answer me or just stare at me?" Sayomi asked, folding her arms over her chest, grinning when Byakuya snorted at her and turned his head away, his long ponytail whipping through the air.
"Why would you assume I was annoyed with you?" He finally asked arrogantly.
"Oh I don't know..maybe because I've only been at the Academy for six months, but I can already fight on the same level as you and you've been there a year," she replied smoothly, fighting back the urge to snicker at the twitch her words elicited from the thin young man before her.
"How dare you compare yourself to me. I'm the top student at the Academy and no short little girl is going to surpass me," Byakuya retorted stiffly.
Her brow twitching at the insult since she was quite sensitive about her height being that she was the shortest person in the Academy at the moment even though there were plenty of people younger than her. Sayomi sniffed indignantly and tossed her head to the side so she wouldn't have to look at the noble anymore. "Need I remind you, Byakuya, that we both had the same teacher and only one of us has been able to master changing forms."
"Why would I care? I have no desire to turn into a filthy feline."
"Or are you just mad that I'm capable of something you're not?" Sayomi smirked.
"Hn," he snorted, shrugging a shoulder in disdain. "That's the only thing you can do that I can't. Don't let it go to your head, Sayomi."
"Fine, I won't, but I bet I can beat you in a game of chase the devil," she answered, smiling lopsidedly since she knew he wouldn't back down from the challenge.
Glaring at her, Byakuya dropped the wooden sword to the ground and immediately flashed towards her. She giggled before easily flashing out of his reach. There were angered curses and shouts from the unhappy Kuchiki, which only made Sayomi laugh harder as she tugged at the constricting fabric of her kimono and flashed out of his reach again and again. After nearly a half hour of evading the young man and not being able to tag him to win the game either, Sayomi began to grow tired. She wasn't used to running around in the rather heavy kimono and having to hold it out of the way was making things much more difficult than they needed to be for her.
Noticing that Sayomi was beginning to slow down, Byakuya sped up, he too was growing tired, but he wasn't about to lose to a girl. He came up behind her and with a proud smirk reached forward to touch her shoulder. He found himself confused however when he landed on a branch just behind her and she suddenly disappeared. He heard her breathless laugh before something pushed him forward and he fell off the branch. Landing on his butt in the grass below, he glared up through the leaves to see Sayomi smirking down at him and waving her fingers at him tauntingly.
"Sorry about that, but I'm getting tired and wanted to end it already. You didn't take into account that I can turn quicker and easier than you since I'm such a short little girl. You underestimated me, Byakuya, which is why you're sitting down there on your butt while I'm up here," Sayomi called down happily.
"You cheated," he grumbled, pushing himself up and brushing the dirt from his clothing.
"I did not and you know it. Just admit that you lost."
"Never."
"Such pride, Byakuya," she sighed sarcastically.
"What would you know of pride?" He snapped harshly in his agitation. "No noblewoman would be standing in a tree holding her kimono in such a fashion, it's distasteful." He had hit a sore spot and he knew it the second Sayomi's smile fell and her entire demeanor changed. Part of him wanted to apologize for his words, he knew that Sayomi was sensitive over the fact that she wasn't an actual noblewoman even if she was now accepted as one, but his pride wouldn't allow him.
"You're right, sorry for having troubled you, Byakuya-sama. I'll be going now," Sayomi said blandly, jumping from the tree, her back to him as she smoothed out her kimono and started to walk away from him.
She chuckled quietly to herself as the memory faded away, thinking that perhaps she hadn't changed as much as she had thought. She was certainly still too stubborn for her own good.
There was a neatly folded, fluffy towel waiting for her on a wooden bench and she rose out of the water, retrieving the towel and drying herself off. She squeezed as much moisture from her hair as she could before using a soft bristled brush to comb through it and leaving it to hang down her back so it would dry more quickly. The vanity she had found the brush on also had a few lotions, she helped herself to one that smelled slightly sweet and earthy.
Feeling much better than she had when she had first been brought back to the estate, she toweled off her hair again and brushed it out once more before braiding it and letting it rest over her shoulder. With the towel wrapped around her now, she picked up Byakuya's haori from where she had folded it and set it on the same table the towel had been on. She made her way across the hall and back to Byakuya's room, where she flushed when he looked up at her.
"I didn't think you wanted me running around in your haori," she said, holding out the folded cloth to him.
He rose and took the haori from her. "Let me get something for you to wear." He slid open the door to his closet, which he disappeared into leaving her staring awkwardly around his spacious room. "Lieutenant Matsumoto brought this for you," he said as he reappeared, holding a small bundle out to her. "I'm assuming its clothes."
Sayomi took the bundle and untied the string that was holding it closed. Byakuya had been right, it was clothes. A deep blue yukata with a pattern of white snowflakes and swirling clouds adorning it. A silvery gray tie was with the yukata, which Sayomi realized was made of a light, flowing fabric and made it a better option for relaxing around the house rather than for being worn out. Rangiku knew she wouldn't be out and about in human form and that something loose and comfortable would be more appreciated than something a little more stiff and uncomfortable.
She slipped the yukata on over her towel, turning her back to Byakuya as she removed the towel so she could tie the yukata in place. She folded the towel and set it aside before taking a seat in one of the chairs by the fire. She was still slightly chill and her hair was still damp, she wanted to give it time to dry and also stay warm.
The warmth and quiet lulled her to sleep after awhile, but she woke with a start some time later to find the fire considerably less active as she was lifted off the chair. "Byakuya?" She inquired sleepily, looking up to see his face. She noted vaguely that he had changed into a loose robe and his hair was now free of the kenseikan he usually had it in. It looked slightly damp too, she figured he must have cleaned up himself at some point while she dozed.
He didn't say anything as he carried her to his bed and gently laid her down before pulling the sheets over her. "Get some rest, Sayomi," he told her softly. He hovered over a moment before placing a soft kiss against her forehead. "You're warm," he observed, placing a hand on her head.
"I feel fine," she replied, feeling the need to assure him she was despite the fact her head was beginning to ache. "Just tired." And that wasn't a lie, she was exhausted.
"Get some rest," he said again, beginning to turn away.
"Byakuya," Sayomi called, but stopped hesitantly as he turned around. "If I asked you to stay... would you?"
He seemed somewhat taken aback by the question as he stared back at her thoughtfully for several long moments.
"I shouldn't have asked," Sayomi said quietly. "It's been a long week and I'm tired, I'm sorry."
When he sat down on the bed and brushed some of her hair that had come free of her braid from her face, she let her eyes close at the familiar feel of his skin as it lightly brushed over her cheek.
"If you ask me to stay, I will," he told her.
Her eyes fluttered open and met his, her throat felt dry all of a sudden and her stomach far too light and airy. "Stay?" She managed to ask, her hand taking his and pressing it against her cheek. "Please."
He brushed a feathery kiss against her forehead as he climbed in beside her. He lay on his side next to her and absently caressed her cheek. When she rolled onto her side, facing him, he let her curl herself up against him as he laid on his back. She seemed so small, much smaller than he remembered her being as she laid beside him, safe and warm in his arms. He liked the feeling of having her beside him, it felt as if she belonged there, but things weren't what they once had been. Too much had happened, too much had changed.
As he watched her sleep, he wondered if she realized how easily he could see through her. She had been trying to act as if she wasn't affected by what was going on, as if she didn't have a care in the world. He knew her well enough to know that wasn't true. That she was struggling to deal with the orders the Head Captain had given and her loyalty to both her brother and Soul Society. She had always been loyal to Soul Society, he had no doubt about that, but her family had always been important to her. Her brother especially now that he was all she felt she had left.
She had been put in a difficult situation, he knew she didn't want to help capture her own brother, but he also knew she wouldn't leave Soul Society with him either. Or would she? He sighed, frowning as he brushed the thought aside and closed his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping well in the past several days and was actually quite tired. Sayomi's warmth and her slow, rhythmic breathing helped to lull him into a peaceful slumber.
He awoke before Sayomi, but the sleeping woman looked so peaceful, more so than he was used to seeing her, that he hesitated to wake her up. For several minutes he remained still, but ended up catching himself absently brushing her hair out of her face while he stared at her peaceful face. His thoughts turned back to the previous night and he found himself wondering whether Sayomi would return to Hueco Muendo or not. If her brother was put in danger he found himself believing that she would return, and that she would never make it back out again. She would not want to help Aizen, he knew that, but she would try to stop him, and she would likely die trying.
With a sigh, he carefully removed himself from Sayomi's arms, and her from his. She stirred as he moved, but didn't seem to be awake. It wasn't until he made to stand up that her small fingers wrapped around his wrist loosely. He looked over his shoulder at her, her eyes were still foggy with sleep, her eyelids heavy and hard for her to keep open.
"Thank you," she murmured softly. "For staying."
He stared at her for a moment before turning to face her again. He gently let the backs of his fingers brush over her cheek, watching her as her eyes fluttered closed and she breathed a content sigh. "You'll go back, won't you?"
She blinked up at him, her sleepy confusion evident as she shook her head and sat up. "Go back?"
"To Hueco Muendo."
She jolted, feeling almost as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over her head. Her eyes widened for a moment, but then she sighed and shook her head. "Why would I go back, Byakuya? I have no desire to help Aizen, you know that."
"I do, but you want to stop him. And you want to save your brother."
Closing her eyes, she released a soft breath and reopened them to stare down at her hands. "Even if I did go back, I know better than to believe I'd stop Aizen. I would only get myself killed."
"And your brother?" Byakuya questioned.
Her jaw tightened and she looked away from Byakuya's searching eyes. After a moment, her shoulders slumped and she leaned her head against Byakuya's shoulder. "I love my brother, but..."
"He's a traitor?"
Squeezing her eyes shut, Sayomi gave a small nod. "He made his choice, I can't change that."
"So you won't go back?" Byakuya asked, tilting her chin up so he could see her face though she turned her face away and hastily wiped away a tear that she didn't want him to see. "Sayomi-"
"I'm not going back, Byakuya. I don't belong in Hueco Muendo. I don't belong anywhere anymore."
"...There's something I think you should see," he told her, rising from the bed and holding a hand out to her.
A sense of uncertainty washed over her, but she nodded and began to stand with every intention of changing forms. Instead, Byakuya had suddenly taken a hold of her hand and pulled her towards him before lifting her into his arms. Her heartbeat quickened in surprise as she found herself held against his chest as he made his way to the doors leading out to the gardens.
"Shouldn't I change-" She was never able to finish her question, Byakuya had flash stepped and they were no longer in his garden or even in the Kuchiki compound."B-Byakuya..." She asked in a questioning whisper, she had no idea what was going on or why she was in his arms as he flashed his way through the Seireitei, both of them still rumpled from sleep.
He didn't reply to her, he just took a few more long flash steps before coming to a halt in front of a large fountain that had at one point been gurgling and full of water, but was now nothing more than an empty stone basin with many cracked and weed covered, dirty stones. The grass around the fountain was overgrown and weeds had sprouted up throughout the surrounding clearing, the path that had once circled the fountain was indiscernible amongst all of the wild foliage.
Blinking, Sayomi took a look around them as she was lowered to her own feet. Not recognizing where they were or that she was even on her feet, she stayed near to Byakuya, her brows drawing together in thought as she scanned the trees and overgrown clearing before her eyes came upon the old stone fountain again. With a gasp, her eyes widened and she clutched at Byakuya's arm for support for a moment. Taking a small breath and swallowing the lump that was quickly forming in her throat, she released Byakuya's arm and began to slowly walk forward toward a small break in the tree line that most people likely wouldn't have noticed.
Dirt and leaves crunched beneath her bare feet as the grass parted around her until she reached the small opening and dirt gave way to cold, hard stone. There was no thought in her mind as she blindly followed the path that even she, the last owner, could hardly recognize. Her legs moved on their own as her eyes tried to search for something they couldn't find through the thick tangle of foliage and tree branches. The forgotten and untamed landscape began to melt away after several long, hesitant strides and was replaced by images of the past and the beauty that had once been her home. As the visions began to fade her legs began to move faster until she was running, her arms pumping at her sides. Her braided hair came loose as she ran, flying out behind her as her bare feet slapped against the uneven tiles of the pathway she had walked so many times as she had grown.
She came to an abrupt halt, almost falling over as she looked upon the dilapidated wooden structure in front of her. Many of the blue tiles that had covered the roof were missing, the screens that had covered the windows were torn and yellowed, and the hall that wrapped around the building leading to several more buildings was lopsided in places, broken and splintered in others. What had once been a lively, colorful and well kept home was now nothing but a sad and empty mess of useless weeds and broken dreams. She continued walking around the houses until she came to a short stone wall. Resting her hand against the cool, smooth stone she let her fingers trail over the surface as she made her way to an opening a few yards ahead of her. When she reached it, she stopped, but didn't turn to look at the building the wall surrounded.
"Why did you bring me here?" She asked quietly, her hand still on the wall as she stared down at her dirty feet.
"This is your home," Byakuya replied, pushing aside a low hanging branch to step beside her on the broken, barely visible path.
"This was my home," she said. "It's not anymore."
"Then why won't you look at it?"
"I've seen enough of it to know what I'd find."
"Then it shouldn't be that hard to look, should it?"
Sayomi closed her eyes, she didn't want to look at the building the wall was hiding. Didn't want to see the ruin that it had fallen victim to when she had been forced to abandon it a century before. She could still picture the mausoleum that housed the Himura clan, the pale stone, the sloping roof and austere facade that had always awed her as a child. The two small ponds that sat serenely on either side of the walkway leading to the two doors that would allow access into the mausoleum. She had spent many days standing almost in this exact spot, staring at the monument that held the remains of her mother and father. She didn't want to see it now, not in the same state as the rest of compound. Shame washed over her as she thought of the state the tomb must be in, it should never have been able to fall into such a state. It housed the ancestors of the clan that accepted her, that had brought her into their family as one of their own.
She started when a gentle finger wiped away a trail of tears she hadn't noticed slipping from her eyes. Eyelids fluttering, she looked up at Byakuya, but before she could open her mouth to ask to leave, Byakuya spoke.
"Look, Sayomi," he pressed lightly, turning his own head to look in the direction of the tomb.
She closed her eyes again, her heart beating heavily, sadly, in her chest. Taking a deep breath, she slowly turned towards the Himura tomb and opened her eyes. The sight that greeted her was not what she had expected.
Her lips parted as a surprised gasp slipped from her her lips. Blinking her blue eyes, she ignored the tears that slid down her cheeks, she didn't care about appearing weak or sentimental. Closing her eyes for a moment, Sayomi tried to make sense of what she had seen, of how everything here could look just as it had a century ago while the rest of the estate was in a state of decay and abandonment. When she reopened her eyes she knew it wasn't just wishful thinking, that she wasn't hallucinating or seeing what it was she wanted to see. She didn't know why, but seeing the mausoleum as it should be, not crumbling and falling apart, made something inside of her break.
Byakuya caught her before her knees could give out and she could collapse onto the stone, her tears now falling quickly while she tried to hold back her sobs. "It wasn't your fault," he told her softly. "You didn't know what would happen when you went to aid the others that night. Don't blame yourself for what was beyond your control. When you disappeared there was no one to look after the estate, the servants all found other jobs or returned to their families, leaving the grounds and houses to fall into ruin. Since we were not yet married I had no control over what happened to the estate and could do nothing as it slowly decayed, but just because I couldn't do anything about the estate didn't mean I would leave the mausoleum to the same fate."
"Why?" She asked thickly, grasping onto him and hiding her face in his chest.
"..Do you really need to ask, Sayomi?" He inquired quietly, smoothing her hair and carefully removing a leaf that had tangled itself in the long, wavy locks.
Her body shook and muffled sobs escaped from her lips as she held tightly to the man she had once been engaged to. It felt as if all of the emotion she had kept locked inside of herself, all of the pain, sadness, and anger was fighting to get out and all she could do was clutch him and hope she didn't lose herself in the confusion. She hadn't realized how much she had still clung on to her past, how much all of it still meant to her even after being away from it for so long, and how much she wanted it, all of it, back. That's what hurt most of all, knowing that she would never get any of it back. Never be able to repair the damage to the home her parents had given her, entrusted to her upon their death and never be able to show her thanks for their kindness by making sure it never again fell into disrepair.
It took her several minutes to regain control over her emotions and when she pulled away from Byakuya, she avoided looking up at him as she turned to face the mausoleum that held her the remains of her parents. She had been away a long time and they deserved to know why. Byakuya didn't question her as she walked down the path to the stone doors that easily pushed open to allow her entrance. Even the interior looked just as she remembered it, the family shrine and all.
Kneeling in front of the stone shrine, she offered a small prayer and apology to her ancestors for not being there as she should have been to look after them. When she stood, she walked to the back wall that was almost lost in shadow since the gray day didn't allow much light through the frosted windows. It wasn't difficult to find the stone that bore the names of her mother and father. Lightly touching the cool, smooth surface she smiled sadly before apologizing for her absence and not bringing anything with her to offer them.
It was as she was turning to walk away that she noticed a bundle of dried flowers resting in the niche beside that of her parents. Curious because she couldn't recall anyone having been placed in that niche, she picked up the flowers to see that they were a mix of various winter blossoms. She knew that they had once been vibrant blues and bright whites, and she knew where they had come from. The Kuchiki garden.
She set the flowers carefully back down and lightly touched the stone behind them. It was too dim to be able to read the name, but she didn't need to see the stone to know that it was her name that had been carved in to it. Removing her hand from the stone, she turned away and made her way back outside to where Byakuya was waiting. She felt drained now, emotionally and physically. All she wanted at that moment was another hot bath and some hot tea before lying down to sleep.
~A/N~
Sigh.. That's really all I've got. It's been a long few weeks and I feel really old all of a sudden. I'm working two jobs for a few weeks, then it's down to one, but in the meantime I'm still going to school full time too. I'm tired. I'm going to try and update "Shadows" and "Bonds of Betrayal" soon too, so be on the look out for those. :)
And as always thanks very much to all of my lovely reviewers! You're the bestest!
Now, if you would be so kind, please feed the monster. He's super grumpy after such a long wait... Poor monster.