Hello everyone! I was told by a few people that an email alert about my last chapter being published may not have been received by everyone. Just in case you didn't get one please go back and read chapter 10 first. If you already read it... ignore me! Thank you, readers!
Note: This chapter has been edited from it's original form for compliance with the M rating on FanFiction. For the full, MA version of this chapter please visit this same story on Archive of Our Own. The story title and chapter title are the same. The author name is DeepLittleSOB. The link to my Dashboard is in my profile.
A Week Later
Lou gets out of the car first, stretching her joints and yawning. Sam follows suit from the driver's side, having taken the last leg of the trip back, and he stretches too, hearing pops in his back from being crammed into the small car too long.
"Next time, we take the Impala," Sam says to her over to the top of the blue Mustang roof.
"Fuck that boat," Lou denies in her crabby, been-on-the-road-too-long voice.
"I feel like a sardine," Sam fights back. "I know it works for you because you're, like, five feet nothing… but I can't do this car all the time."
"Not my fault you're a massive fucking giant, Giant," she smirks as she walk around the car bumper to look up at him.
"But you're stuck with me," he reminds, arms around her shoulders as he looks down at her. "So you could have a little sympathy."
"World's smallest violin, bud," Lou jokes and he leans way down to kiss her once. She then hums in disgust. "Ugh, I'm sure my breath is terrible."
"Yeah, you need a shower too," Sam pushes her away from him lightly as he walks for the trunk and unlocks it.
"Yeah…" Lou agrees. It was a busy, nonstop week. They saw a motel for about ten hours tops the entire time. They're gross.
But that's not her main concern. As Lou looks up at the cabin she knows the hurricane that lives in there. When they walk inside with no Kevin and one hell of a story involving a demon tablet, Missus Tran, and a werewolf they let go… it isn't going to be pretty.
"At least they all seem asleep," Lou bright-sides with the dark windows as Sam comes up next to her and hands over her bag.
"We might be able to get some showers in and a full night sleep before they start in on us," Sam tries to joke. Neither laugh.
"We're never gonna live this down now," Lou leans her head into his upper arm, her heart heavy with guilt.
"We need to worry about Kevin, not them," Sam spells it out. "They can be as mad as they want to be. Who gives a shit? They're not the ones out in the world hiding from demons."
"And us," Lou reminds him that Kevin put them on the shit list too. "They're hiding from us now too."
"You shouldn't have tried to kill his mother."
"I was trying to kill Crowley!" Lou gets upset again. "I wasn't thinking past that limey bitch."
"Kevin clearly doesn't see it that way," Sam reminds her, needing her to see that.
Lou just sighs and shakes her head, walking for the cabin with a knot in her gut. She turns the knob and walks in.
When she gets into the dark cabin it's quiet aside from some interesting sounds coming from the couch. She looks over to see Lizzy and Dean separating themselves, putting a couple inches between them when their company arrives.
"Hey, at least you got clothes on," Lou says flatly as she walks in and drops her bag on the floor. She heads right for the refrigerator and grabs a couple beers. They might need it.
Sam follows her in and finds his brother and Lizzy in a state of somewhat dishevel. "Hey. We interrupting anything important?"
"Usually," Dean bitches while he pats his mussed up hair down a bit and Lizzy pulls her t-shirt down her waist.
"Well, at least it looks like the time alone was good for you," Sam comments, taking a beer from Lou when she offers it and walking for the chair in the living room area, ready to just get it over with instead of prolong the shit storm.
"It was good," Lizzy says cautiously as she fixes the collar of Dean's shirt. "Where's Kevin? Did you find him?"
"We did… and then we didn't," Sam tells her, twisting off the cap of his beer and taking down a sip as Lou takes a seat on the arm of his chair.
"Meaning?" Dean asks, settling in once he's well enough put together so he can listen.
"Meaning, we found him hiding in a church in Iowa," Lou jumps in, half her beer already chugged. "Apparently he escaped Crowley's clutches by making a demon bomb and smoking his little suck-ass minions."
"Come again?" Lizzy asks with surprise.
"Demon bomb," Sam repeats. "Something he picked up while reading the… get this… demon tablet."
"There's a demon tablet?" Dean wonders, even more shocked.
"Oh yeah. We have no clue how many are out there but it's at least two," Sam tells them. "Crowley got ahold of it, got his mitts on Kevin, and forced him to translate. When Kevin read about a demon bomb he used it and got away. But not before reading ahead a little." Sam smirks slightly, excited to share this one piece of information next.
"Okay, what'd he read?" Dean questions.
"How to close the gates of Hell permanently," Lou says and Sam swats her knee. "What?"
"I wanted… to say it," he tells her, realizing how childish he sounds halfway through. He turns back to Dean and Lizzy. "He's been running from Crowley while working on translating the tablet when he wasn't hiding it."
"So... there's a way to close down Hell? Permanently?" Dean has to ask, making sure he's fully understanding.
"Yup," Lou smirks, popping the P a little too much.
Dean nods. "That's… holy crap."
"We know," Sam nods. "Game changer."
"So where's Kevin now?" Lizzy worries. "He's not with you guys, so…?"
And they get quiet.
"It's a long story," Sam tells them.
"We have time," Lizzy strongly reminds them.
Sam sighs. "Alright. When we found Kevin so did Crowley. He followed us to him and it got hairy for a bit. We got out of there alive and afterwards Kevin insisted on checking in on his mom. We let him…."
"Even though it was a stupid idea to," Lou comments quietly and sips her beer.
He rolls his eyes at her before continuing. "And we weren't ready for all that is Tiger Mommy. She insisted on coming with us for everything."
"You let Kevin's mother in on this?" Dean asks, disappointed.
"No one lets that woman do anything," Lou corrects him. "She does what she wants. But we gave both of them hex bags to ward them and they got anti-possession tattoos."
Dean seems satisfied enough, even if he still disagrees.
"We had to find the tablet. We went to the airport locker Kevin put it in but it wasn't there. Then we followed the trail to the pawn shop that had it, then the motel of the guy that bought it, then to some underground monster auction that got ahold of it…."
"Wait… what?" Dean questions with confusion, the story making no sense.
"Long story short, shit got crazy but we somehow all got away alive. Crowley has the tablet. Kevin and Missus Tran are in the wind." Lou sighs, ready for the onslaught.
"So… you went out to help Kevin and in the end you lost a tablet that would seal off Hell forever and you once again have no idea where the only prophet that can read it is?" Dean tries to make sure he's hearing this all right.
Sam and Lou glance at each other for a second. "Yeah," Sam nods easily. "Pretty much."
"Sucky week," Dean comments.
"Yeah… and we made a couple pit stops on the way home. We caught an indie film made by some werewolves. One of those got away too. We're rusty," Lou smirks with a youthful stubbornness. "But we caught a W after that when we shut down a Mayan god-powered superstar athlete that was eating human hearts… all while ruining Sam's view of his childhood idol."
Narrowed eyes on Sam, Dean asks, "Rio?"
"Wha… n-no. No," Sam gets awkward with just the mention of the name.
"It wasn't another serial kill you get weirdo murder boners over, was it?"
Sam gives Dean a bitch face before he spills it. "Brick Holmes."
"The hall-of-famer!?" Dean widen his stare with the name. "Damn, you worshiped that guy. I'm still shocked you never wanted to play football yourself with how much you idolized him."
"I couldn't," Sam bashfully says, his volume low with embarrassment.
"No shit. You were barely over a buck soaking wet back then. You'd get killed on the field," Dean laughs a little under his breath.
"Yeah, well, Brick was a one of a kind. And for good reason." Sam's voice loses all spark. "He was indebted to a Mayan god for his athletic powers. He wasn't even fully human."
"Bummer," Dean says quietly, knowing the blow that must be to Sam's poor little heart.
"But anyways, we've been trying to track Kevin this whole time," Lou makes sure they understand. "We checked out two different places he left a trace behind at and he screwed us each time. We only took the cases we stumbled upon in those towns he led us to because we were there and we couldn't let it slide."
Past that, Lizzy and Dean don't say a words at first, letting everything process. So much they went through in a week, all the while their family of three spent the days at the park, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and watching Sesame Street reruns.
Lizzy speaks up first. "Well, do you have any leads on where Kevin might have gone?"
Sam's face drops with surprise. "Uh, we have credit cards we know are linked to him. And we have Missus Tran's Costco card… if that might mean anything."
Lizzy hums with prospect. "Well, it's a start, even if Kevin's wisely jerking you guys around with fake trails."
"Could try and trace the cards from here, see if there's a pattern of use," Dean suggests. "Maybe he's actually using one legitimately now and then. We should check all the non-motel charges."
"That's probably a good idea," Lou tacks on. "According to one card he checked into a motel in Tucson and one in Syracuse in the same day just hours apart."
"Smart little bastard," Dean comments and stands up. "Well, alright. You two clean up and catch some sleep. We'll jump on this when Sammy wakes us all up first thing in the morning."
"You're gonna help us?" Sam asks them, forehead wrinkled.
Lizzy stands up to follow Dean up to their room and tells them, "We've had time to talk. While we don't agree with what you guys did… we just want Kevin safe. That's what matters. Being pissed at you guys isn't helpful and we need to find him."
"Night," Dean cuts off the conversation there and grabs Lizzy's hand, leading them away.
Lou's wide blue eyes land on Sam the second they're gone, upstairs door shutting. "Holy shit."
"That was almost… mature of them," Sam responds with confused surprise.
"Right!?" Lou laughs. "Maybe things will get better."
"Maybe," Sam hopes also and gets up. "Alright, shower and sleep is calling."
"Yes," Lou smiles and downs the rest of her beer with ease. She places the empty on the table and heads for the bathroom. "Let's go."
"I'm coming?" Sam asks, knowing they have a full house around them.
"Duh," Lou says and shrugs out of her dirty coat, staring at him while pulling her shirt overhead also.
"Well, as long as you don't mind…" Sam jokes a bit as she walks for the bathroom in just her bra and jeans.
"Come on, Giant. I never mind soaping you up," she winks, toeing out of her boots and disappearing from the room.
He hears the shower start up and his shoulders lower already. It may not be home but this cabin is close. It feels good to be here and not on the road.
And when the opportunity to get his wife naked arrives and they have a few moments to enjoy that fact? Well, it's suddenly damn good to be off the road.
The old Sam was reserved, caring too much and going slow to start off any sexual encounter. These days, being married to Lou, he's dropped the act. He's embraced the fact that, yes, he likes sex. A lot. And why feel reserved about that, especially when his own wife is the least reserved person he's ever met?
When he makes it to the bathroom, Lou is stepping out of her jeans. Sam's made a trail of clothing, his jacket, flannel, boots, and t-shirt already added to her clothing across the cabin. One look at her as she straightens up to standing, only her black panties trimmed with thin lace still on.
"I love those," Sam tells her, eyeing her underwear as he opens his belt and pulls it from the loops.
Her eyes bulge out. "You gonna tie me up with that belt, big man?"
Sam's cock twitches with just the thought. "We haven't slept in days." He drops his belt on the floor and opens his jeans.
"Quickie then?" Lou suggests as she slips out of the last of her clothing.
His mouth waters as he gets a full look at her naked body. That petite, tight form always makes him crazy. "You've got to be one of the only women that actually really, really likes quickies."
She grins at him as she opens the shower curtain. "Sam, you still get me off even in a quickie. Why wouldn't I like them?"
Lou shrugs and steps into the shower, standing under the spray as she pretends not to hear the moan Sam makes in the back of his throat, undoubtedly having just appreciated the back view of her. Without even seeing him she knows he's scrambling out of the rest of this clothing just to make sure he gets to her sooner. She's changing him for sure, making him more confident with all things sex. Hell, half the crap they've done in their bedroom in Kansas in the past year alone would have shocked a twenty-something-year-old Sam.
She's rinsing the shampoo from her hair when she feels two big, warm hands skim over her hips. She grins as Sam's far larger form joins her, his front fully pressed to hers. As she stands under the spray with closed eyes she sighs when his mouth lands on her neck, kissing a few times as he waits.
"The water was nearly brown when I first rinsed off," Lou lightly tells him, finishing her hair and looking up at him.
"We've been busy," Sam brushes it off and kisses her lips while Lou blindly grabs the bar of soap.
"Get going," she smiles at him and presses the bar into one of his hands.
Sam just stares at her a moment like he tends to, something truly adoring behind his eyes as he lathers up his hands. Slowly, ignoring the whole idea of a quickie for the moment, Sam lets his fingers slide over the skin of the arms down and back up. He leaves bubble trails behind him and Lou holds his eye contact, watching every ounce of want and reverence he has for her that shows in his expression.
Something Lou never really had before Sam was this. Connection. Care. Honesty. Before him, Lou was a one night stand fan. She had a very similar view of sexuality as Dean. Get what you can while you can and get out. Hunting didn't leave time for more than that.
Finding Sam changed everything. She'd heard of the concept of making love, seen the scenes in shitty chick flicks that she secretly would watch when Lizzy wasn't around, but she used to laugh at it. It wasn't real. Her parents didn't have that. Her father was a cheater. Dean was a dick to Lizzy. Everything she saw of relationships firsthand was bullshit, proving that something like slow, meaningful sexual relations were absolute crap.
But then she met Sam. That awkward, lanky, weirdo twenty-three year old kid she met at Bobby's house. She meant to make him another quick one-time thing because why the hell not!? He was adorable, all lean muscle and so tall she needed to conquer the mountain that was Sam more than she needed to listen to Petty on the road… but then it happened. They hooked up. And she found herself laid out on Bobby's couch with Sam downright worshipping her. He was caring, making her feel important and like maybe she was more than just a quick one night stand, even if back then that's exactly what she was. She wasn't sure what was going on, why he wasn't just tearing into her… but she really liked it.
But damn it all to hell if it wasn't nice to get a glimpse into what it was to be adored and treated as if she was more.
She knew he was different back then… and she still knows it to this day. He can do both. He tear into her and fuck her harder than any man has ever dared to fuck her. Or he can be completely respectful, using the term making love as a true guideline.
He taught her that the latter was actually a truly good, very satisfying experience, just as much as the rough or adventurous fuck she used to favor.
"God damn, I'm tired," Lou laughs when she realizes he's suddenly all the way down to her feet, kneeling on the shower floor to reach. "I think I just spaced out since I handed you the soap."
"Yeah, thought I lost you for a minute," Sam admits, standing up again to turn her around to face the shower spray and rinse off the soap.
"Sorry," Lou apologizes as she works to rid herself of suds.
"Eh, we're both tired," Sam brushes it off. He stands behind her, arms around her middle. She can feel how hard he is as his cock presses to her lower back.
"Tired and horny," she smirks, turning to look back up at him.
"Maybe," Sam smiles softly before pressing his lips to hers. His hands skim over her hips and around to her front, pulling her harder into him. When he can feel Lou's breath hitch with the sharp movement he grins to himself. "Don't think I'm the only one though."
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
After a few seconds of catching their breath, Lou goes limp in his arms, leaning back into him. "That was a good one."
"Yeah," Sam simply mutters in agreement into her sopping wet hair. She can feel his chest rising and falling as his heart rate slowly comes back down, both now thoroughly exhausted. "Can't move."
"Ugh," Lou complains at the idea of standing up again. She looks down at his arms around her and sees a smudge of dirt on his skin still. "Shit. You still need to soap up."
He groans with disappointment in return.
"Sit tight," she tells him and begrudgingly gets up in the steamed up, warm shower spray. She grabs the soap and lathers it up, kneeling before Sam as he remains somehow seated in the very small edge of the tub. She gets to work silently, running her soapy hands over every inch of his skin that she can.
And Sam watches with hooded, tired eyes. A whole year with her. It wasn't long enough, of course, but he just can't believe they had a whole year. They were happy, they are happy. They're in a really beautiful place and the harsh, biting woman that he first fell for is no longer Lou. She's softened up, stowed her hard lines and harder attitude for the most part and he's now seeing the really great person she always was under it all.
His sights never leave her as she concentrates on what she's doing, making sure to get all the gross they built up over time. She's kind. Lou's kind. Her heart is so good and he can't believe they're together and so incredibly happy. It's still surreal sometimes.
When Lou's eyes slide up to him and sees them locked onto hers she smiles a little. "What?"
Sam just keeps looking at her. "I just… I love you."
She full blown smiles at that. "Get up, you girl. Rinse off."
Okay, so maybe she's not totally changed.
Lou pulls his arm to get his now lazy ass up and gently pushes him towards the water. She helps rinse him off with her hands, just selfishly using it as an excuse to keep touching him, and she exhales hard. "I love you, too."
Sam turns the water off and reaches for towels on the vanity in the small bathroom. He pulls one around her form and kisses her lips sweetly before drying himself off. "Let's get some sleep."
"Fuck, I love sleep," Lou rolls her eyes, quickly drying herself off so she can finally get some sleep.
"Uncle Sam!"
That's the only warning he gets before a weight is landing harshly on his gut, all elbows and knees. It's a rude wake up, one that comes with a little bit of pain, but Sam wouldn't trade it for the world. Ever.
"Nephew Sammy!" Sam shouts right back as he grabs the little boy that's on top of him now that he's very suddenly fully awake. Since Sammy's been staying in the back bedroom of the cabin, he and Lou have been relegated to the bunkbeds in the main, open room. Sam took the bottom bunk out of precaution. The lighter person should always take the top. You never know.
"You here!" Sammy grins wide as he sits on top of Sam while the bigger guy stays lying down.
"Got here last night," he says and can't help but share a wide smile with his nephew. Sammy looks just so happy to see him that it makes his heart skip. "Told you we'd be back."
"You help you friend?"
Sam pauses, knowing they failed pretty miserably. "We sure tried, kiddo. It's good to see you. What've you been up to?"
"We go to the zoo!" Sammy announces with the excitement he had when he first went. "We see the el-phant! It have a big trunk and big ears! And I give it food!"
"You got to feed an elephant!?" Sam asks with a level of excitement to rival Sammy's.
"Yes!" he responds, hands clasped together with energy.
"That's amazing, dude. What did you feed it?"
"Hay."
"I thought hay was for horses?" Sam questions with a serious tone.
"No… daddy wrong," Sammy explains. Daddy always tells him hey isn't what we say to people… even if daddy always says it himself. He tells him hay is for horses.
"Daddy's wrong a lot… but we won't let him know that, okay?" Sam jokes a bit with his nephew.
"That a secret?" Sammy wants to know, feeling special for having a secret with his uncle.
"It is. Just you and me know it… probably mommy too," Sam jests to mostly himself yet again.
"I no say it," Sammy promises and when Sam holds his far larger hand up Sammy high-fives him.
"Deal," Sam grins, loving this kid far too much. "Did you wake up daddy yet?"
"No. I see you first," Sammy admits. He did see Sam laying there sleeping and it distracted him from heading upstairs.
"Aw, I feel honored," Sam melts a little. "Have you seen Auntie Louie anywhere?"
"She here too!?" Sammy reaches the crazy level of excitement once more with the idea that even Lou's back too.
"Hi Sammy!" they both suddenly hear Lou nearly shout as an upside-down head appears from the top bunk over the edge.
Sammy jumps at the sudden move but then starts to hysterically laugh. He folds over and falls onto his side on Sam's chest, Sam holding him in tightly now that he has an excuse to.
"Auntie Louie! You silly," he laughs out and points at his aunt, her hair falling above her head while still upside-down.
"How you doing, crazy?" she asks with a grin.
"I go to zoo!" Sammy says and calms his laughing. Time to talk about the zoo again. Time to get serious. "We see Fanny the el-phant!"
"I heard!" Lou tells him and she disappears for a second before jumping down from her bed. She sits on Sam's level and looks at Sammy. "What else did you see? Did you see monkeys?"
"Yes!" Sammy answers. "An' giraffes."
"What about lions?"
"He name King!" Sammy explains. "An' I hear him roar like this… roar!" Sammy tries to make it ferocious, hands in claws and all.
"Dude!" Lou fakes shock. "You're too scary when you do that."
Sammy roars again.
"No! Stop!" Lou jokes, hiding her face in Sam's shoulder. "Sam, he's so scary when he does that!"
One more roar followed by the childlike giggle that only comes from purely happy kids.
"Okay, King," Sam jokes as he grabs Sammy and hugs him in one more time before getting up. "You wanna watch some Spongebob?"
"We make pancakes?" Sammy wonders with hope.
"Sammy, we had pancakes yesterday," a warning voice comes out at that question, all three peering over to Lizzy standing at the bottom of the staircase with cotton shorts, a t-shirt, and a ponytail. "Not again today."
"Mommy… nooooo," Sammy whines when she denies his request.
Lizzy just eyes him and crosses her arms over her chest. "I'm sorry… did you just say no to your mother?"
"Sorry," Sammy immediately apologizes when he knows he's very wrong. He hangs his little head while sitting in Sam's lap.
"We have to eat healthy today."
"I no want cereal," Sammy says.
She knew he'd get sick of it soon enough. "Okay, how about peanut butter toast and a banana? You love that stuff."
"Okay," Sammy answers, his mood a little brighter as he does love that stuff.
"Okay. Then how about you come here and give me my morning kisses," Lizzy says with a wide grin, so happy that she avoided a meltdown and that he seems pretty open to her this morning. That interaction was very mom-and-son… and without Purgatory getting in the way.
Sammy scrambles off the bed with help from Lou and runs to his mom. She crouches down and he slams into her full speed, knocking her backwards.
"Whoa, big guy!" she shouts as he giggles. She then pulls his face in and kisses him roughly a dozen times everywhere. "You sleep tight?"
"No bed bugs," Sammy dutifully responds and she grins at him.
"Good, because I would have to beat up those bed bugs if they did!" she tells him, another kiss to the cheek as she hugs him. "Come on."
They stand up and head for the kitchen area as Lou and Sam gather themselves and get out of bed, both cautious to see how Lizzy feels towards them now.
"You have good dreams?" Lizzy asks as usual as she puts bread into the toaster and grabs a banana to cut up.
"Yes. I talk to a man," Sammy says to her as he eases up into his usual chair.
"You did?" she asks, not really listening as she gets his stuff ready. "Was he a nice man?"
"Yes."
"That's good."
"He big like daddy… not like Uncle Sam," he explains, sitting and watching her from his seat.
"Well, that's still pretty tall," Lizzy says, slicing banana.
"He nice. And he call me Samuel," Sammy giggles at the idea. "But I Sammy!"
Lizzy stops short at that, turning to look at him with concentrated eyes. Samuel. Sammy doesn't even know that's his full name. No one calls him that but one other person. "He called you Samuel?"
"Yeah. That not my name!" Sammy says, still laughing.
"Well, actually… it is," Lizzy lets him know, sitting down at a chair next to him. "That's your full name. Samuel Robert Winchester."
"No, I Sammy," Sammy explains, pointing to himself.
"Sammy is your nickname," Lizzy tries to explain. "You and Uncle Sam have the same full first name. You're both named Samuel."
Sammy turns around to see his uncle looking at him, standing behind his chair. He points at him. "You Samuel?"
"Yup, just like you," Sam tells him, sitting on the other side of Sammy and glancing with question at Lizzy. They both have a weird feeling about this one. "We're both Samuel… but people call me Sam and you Sammy so we don't get confused."
"We same!?" Sammy gets once more excited about that idea. He's so excitable.
"You know it," Sam answers and once more they high-five.
"Sweetie," Lizzy starts in again and gets Sammy's attention. "What did the man look like?"
"He tall like daddy."
"What else? Do you know what he was wearing?"
Sammy shakes his head no.
"What color was his hair?" Sammy doesn't answer, confused. It's a lot for his age to handle. "Was his hair like Auntie Louie's?"
He shakes his head no again.
"Was it shorter like daddy's?"
He nods.
"Was it colored like my hair?" she wonders, pointing to the dark color of her own head.
Sammy nods his head yes.
"Did he smile at you?"
"No. He not mad though," Sammy makes sure she understands. "He don't smile."
She knows. This is her childhood all over again. When she was just a little thing, Castiel started to appear to her in dreams. She always felt good around him, he was nice, but Cass is gone now. He's gone, she knows it. Why would he suddenly be in her boy's dreams?
And how? She knows firsthand that Cass never left Purgatory.
Hell, she's still not even sure he ever wanted to leave….
It took what felt like months, though in Purgatory who can really keep track of time accurately, to find him. She searched high and low. She knew of a way out. She had backup even…
But Lizzy wasn't leaving Purgatory. Not without her angel.
So when she finally saw him, his frame hunched over the edge of the stream, hands patting cool water onto his face and his back covered in his old, now filthy, trench coat, Lizzy could have cried with relief.
"Oh my God," Lizzy whispered to herself at the tree line when her feet halted in their steps.
"That him?" Benny asks from right behind her but she doesn't bother answering him.
"Cass!" she shouts to him, her feet running already.
As she sprints she watches his head hang lower with the sound of her voice. "Elizabeth," he plainly responds, slow to stand up
"Cassie," Lizzy gets a little choked up as she reaches him, slamming into him and hugging him tight. This is the first sign of comfort, first glimpse of familiarity, since they arrived in Purgatory and he disappeared from her.
She doesn't mention that his arms never come around her. Her hug isn't reciprocated.
"Fuck, it's so good to see you," she tells him over his shoulder. They both eye each other over briefly. He's disheveled and he has a beard. He looks nothing like the powerful angel she once knew but she couldn't care less. That's her Cass. She backs away with a grin on her face. "Nice beard. You got that rugged look going."
"Thank you," he plainly states, eyes endlessly darting around their clearing.
"Cassie, this is Benny," Lizzy wastes no time. She points to him with her homemade weapon as the vampire stands next to her but with cautious distance from the angel. "Benny, this is the Cass we've been looking for."
"Hola," Benny coldly responds.
"How did you find me?" Castiel asks Lizzy quickly, ignoring the vampire.
Lizzy sighs. "We… got it out of some monsters here and there."
"You tortured beings?" Castiel questions immediately, judging eyes on her.
"I did what I had to do to find you," she corrects him. "Are you okay?"
"You mean am I still…." Castiel makes a gesture with his hand to indicate crazy.
"To put it one way, yeah," Lizzy smiles a little. He's so awkward. She can see shades of the old Castiel in there. It's nice to see.
"No, I'm perfectly sane," he promises. "But then, ninety-four percent of psychotics think they're perfectly sane so I guess we have to ask ourselves what is sane."
Lizzy can't stop the grin. "Fair enough. Good question."
"Why'd you bail on Liz here?" Benny jumps in quickly, angry at the angel and very mistrusting of him. In the time they've known each other they've become loyal, trusting, even friends… and he has to be sure that this angel is worthy of Lizzy's trust that she has in him.
"Benny!" Lizzy warns but he doesn't give up.
"The way I hear it, you two hit monsterland and hot wings here took off. I figure he owes you some backstory, darlin'," Benny keeps up his protective nature.
"Look, we were surrounded, okay?" Lizzy makes more excuses for Castiel. She's been doing they her whole time in Purgatory. "Something jumped Cass, and he probably killed it. Right, Cassie?"
They both look at Castiel and wait for any form of response. And wait.
"No." It's nearly a whisper, the sound hardly audible over the water of the stream.
"Wait, what?" Lizzy asks, confused already.
"I ran away," the angel fesses up.
"You ran away? From me?" Lizzy presses him, completely hurt by what he's telling her. She steps closer to him. "Why?"
"I had to," Castiel shamefully answers, his eyes still moving around the forest and never really looking to her.
"You just left me there? Alone?" Lizzy asks, her chin quivering already. "All I had was a crappy knife and no idea what was happening… and you just left me there?"
"Elizabeth…."
"I prayed to you," she tells him, too angry to listen. She has to get this out. With tears in her eyes, she keeps going. "Every fucking night. I never gave up and I prayed for your help."
"I know," he answers to his shoes.
"You knew!? And you didn't come to me!?" Lizzy shouts now, tears cresting and leaving clean trails down her dirty face. She reaches up to grab his face and make him look her in the eyes. "What happened?"
"I am an angel in the land of abominations," he explains quickly. "There have been things hunting me from the moment we arrived."
"Join the club!" she gets really mad and lets his face go.
"These are Leviathan, Elizabeth!" he shouts back. "I have a price on my head and I have been trying to stay one step ahead of them to…" He looks away again. "To keep them away from you. That's why I ran. I would never put you in harm's way, not even now."
Lizzy's heart drops. She just shouted at him, got pissed at him… for protecting her.
"Just leave me. Please." Castiel turns away from her and looks out over the stream.
"Sounds like a plan," Benny interjects immediately, hating the way this sounds. A monster magnet? In Purgatory? They better leave. "Let's roll, Liz."
"Hold on," she strongly stops him. She's not giving up, not after all this time trying to find her angel. She has to try. "We're leaving here. There's a way out and… we're going home. We're going back to our family."
"Elizabeth, I can't…."
"Yes you can!" Lizzy doesn't stand for his denial on this one. "Benny, explain it!"
He sighs. "Purgatory has an escape hatch… but I have no idea if it's angel friendly."
"We'll figure it out though," Lizzy promises. "Cass, I need you. Our family needs you and you're part of that family."
Shaking his head, not wanting to put her in that kind of harm, Castiel simply says her name once pleadingly. "Elizabeth."
"Hey, if those Levis wanna come at us then let them. Okay? We already ganked king of the big mouths once… we can handle a couple small fries, huh?" She smiles kindly, hoping beyond hope that he can trust her and come with.
"It's too dangerous," he still denies going with her.
Lizzy hang her head in frustration. "Fine. Then here's what I'm going to do." She plops down on the sandy ground, sitting Indian-style with her weapon in her lap. "I'm gonna sit my ass right here and not move. Because I'm not leaving here without you. So either I sit here until something comes to get me… or we leave here together and get the fuck out of this hell hole and back to our family."
Castiel's expression softens when he sees her sincerity. And her mention of their family.
"You understand what I'm saying?" Lizzy asks him, defiantly sitting like the child she knows she has to be right now.
With a heavy sigh, Castiel reaches a hand down to her on the ground. She grabs it and he hauls her to her feet. "I understand."
"Good," Lizzy grins. "Because I did not waste that much of my time away from Sammy looking for your sorry ass to not have you come with me." She fixes the collar of his trench coat. "Now let's move. We got a backdoor to go find…."
"Shit, I got it," Lou's voice pulls Lizzy from the memory and she suddenly smells burning bread. How long was she just sitting there in her thoughts?
"You okay?" Sam asks her, reaching across to pat her hand on the table.
"Yeah, uh… I'm okay," Lizzy lies completely and by the look on his face he knows it. "Sam, I'm still… adjusting. But overall I'm fine."
"Alright," Sam nods. "Uh…" He pauses to take the plate of sliced banana from Lou and place it in front of Sammy. He's occupied by food now so Sam can ask, "You think Sammy saw… him?"
She knows which him Sam means. "No… I don't think so."
"Are you sure?" Sam doesn't quite believe it.
"Trust me," Lizzy assures. "Cass isn't… around." She then gets up and starts making coffee, ending the conversation there. She doesn't need to have this one right now, no fucking way. She barely got through telling Dean the very bare bones of it all.
But Sam's not sitting right with it. There's too much evidence that Castiel is reaching out to Sammy. The little boy and the angel have quite a connection too, Castiel always having been meant to follow and protect the boy from birth as he is the supposed Second Coming. Maybe he's not gone like Lizzy claims.
"Is he still back there?" Sam presses the issue, needing to know. "Or is he… uh, gone. For good?"
"Sam…" Lizzy starts to complain, not wanting to talk about any of it, especially with Sammy in her presence.
"I just… I need to know," he explains. "He was a friend."
"Not a friend," Lizzy gets defensive. "The crap we saw together? He's family. He's always been family."
"I know that," Sam tries to recover, watching Lou give Sammy some toast with peanut butter on it. "But you're not the only one that cared about him."
"He's gone, Sam!" she finally loses it and shouts at him. "That's all you need to know!"
"But if he's…." Sam tries to keep going, the Lizzy he knows always open to talking to him even about the hardest of subjects. Not today.
"Fucking drop it!"
Three sets of wide eyes land on her hard, making her even angrier. She shoulders raise as she grips a coffee mug too tightly.
"What the hell is happening down here?" Dean asks in his sweat pants, rushing down when he hears his wife yelling.
"Nothing," Lizzy bites at him quickly.
"Doesn't sound like nothing, L," Dean tries to gently say but it doesn't matter. It pushes her over the edge.
Lizzy hurls the coffee mug across the cabin, it smashing into the opposite wall. Ceramic pieces scatter over the floor and Sammy's cars as she yells, "I'm not fucking talking about it!"
Dean places his hands out, as he has any time she's lost her temper in the past few weeks, and takes one slow step forward. Glancing at Sammy he looks ready to cry as he can't possibly understand what's happening. "Lizzy, no one's making you talk."
"Tell that to your brother…." She stops short when her phone rings. Thank fucking god. She swipes it off the kitchen table and bolts for the doorway, slamming it behind her.
Dean pushes out a breath and places his hands on his hips. "Anyone care to share what the hell just happened there?"
"Mommy mad?" Sammy asks, sitting curled up on the kitchen table, his index finger in his mouth as his little eyes spill over. He's only seen her blow up once before now, Lizzy having the self-control to wait until he's asleep or occupied usually, but the one time he saw it, it terrified him.
Dean walks right for his son, picking him up and taking his seat. Once he settles Sammy in his lap, holding him in, Dean explains to him, "Yeah, kiddo. Sometimes mommy gets really mad at things. But that's not her fault."
"It not?" Sammy wonders, still so confused. Sam stays where he is, quiet, and Lou sits down and tries to help surround Sammy with familiar, trusting faces.
"No way. You know how sometimes you get mad because you want to do everything by yourself?"
"I big guy."
Dean smiles a little. "I know you are. But you still need help sometimes, right?"
"Yeah."
"And you get really mad, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, it's not your fault that you get mad either. You just… sometimes, people get mad," Dean tries, failing a little. Lizzy's damn good at explaining things to him the right way. Over a year alone with the kid and he still struggles. "I get mad too sometimes. Auntie Louie too. And Uncle Sammy too. That's just life, kiddo."
"I no like mommy mad," Sammy sniffles.
Dean wipes his cheeks. "Me neither. But she's ok. She's taking a time out and she'll be just fine."
Sammy turns his head and looks up at Dean. "Mommy mad at me?"
"You think she's mad at you?"
Sammy doesn't answer. Clearly he does.
"Oh, dude, no way. You didn't do anything wrong," Dean tries to calm him, his fingers running through Sammy's hair to tame it and style it back to its usual look, just like dad's. "Mommy's just mad at some other stuff right now. She's not mad at you at all."
"I want pancakes."
Dean pauses there, knowing Lizzy's rule about unhealthy treats every now and then, healthy stuff most of the time. "Did you ask her for pancakes again this morning?"
Sammy nods.
"And you think she's mad at that?"
Sammy nods again.
"Nah, that's not it," Dean denies, stealing a piece of banana from Sammy's plate and eating it. He hates bananas but he'll eat them if it'll help focus Sammy elsewhere.
"Hey!" Sammy says, pointing his stolen foo being chewed.
"Hey is for horses," Dean reminds him. "Eat up. Make mommy proud, huh?"
"Okay," Sammy agrees, his mood much lighter now, and he picks up the toast in front of him.
Dean sighs and rubs his eyes for a moment, trying to will away the stress he's feeling over Lizzy right now. "That coffee anywhere near ready?"
"Yeah, almost," Sam tells him and gets up. He goes to pour his brother a cup as he's looking like he could really use it.
"She been like that a lot?" Lou asks, very concerned for her sister now.
"Off and on. She has her moments," Dean admits to her. "I know that asking her about what happened… there… isn't a good idea at this point. And trust me, she's barely even telling me anything."
"She tell you about Cass?" Sam has to wonder, sitting back down and sliding the mug of black coffee to his brother.
"Not much," Dean admits, taking a sip. "She told me enough."
"What do you know?" Sam pushes it.
"He's still there," Dean tells Sam, watching his brother's expression turn sad. "She tried so hard to get him out and she feels like she failed him. It's killing her, man. And I know she can't talk about it."
Sam nods. "Alright. Won't ask again."
"That's probably a good idea," Dean sighs sadly. "Damn it, we had, like four days without that happening. She seemed good."
"I don't know if you remember my return, but it'll take time," Lou reminds him. "Just be really patient, Dean. I know it's hard but… we have to be patient. We owe her that much."
"Yeah, I know," Dean admits. "Just hard to watch it, you know?"
"Oh, I know," Lou relates. She then thinks for a second. "Hey, who's calling Lizard?"
Dean perks up a little. "I have no idea," he thinks aloud. "She just turned that phone on. And she got a call last week, at the zoo. She said it was a telemarketer but then disappeared. I'm pretty sure she was calling someone back…."
"Louie!" they all hear as Lizzy shoves the front door open in a rush. Her frantic eyes land on her sister. "I need to talk to you. Now."
"About?" Lou asks, shocked by the sudden demeanor change.
"Just… get out here," Lizzy tells her impatiently and walks away from the door.
Lou looks at Sam and Dean and grins falsely. "Guess I'm about to find out about the mystery caller." She gets up and heads outside.