Chapter 9

I was curled up on the couch, my legs tucked under me as I watched out the window. Snow was falling softly over the trees, bushes and grass, and it was times like these I was thankful that I worked at home. I had no need to leave the warmth and comfort of my home and get into a cold auto. My cup of hot tea was on the table, wisps of steam rising up towards the ceiling and I stared at it, imagining shapes in the steam, watching it curl toward the ceiling.

The snow was peaceful, blindingly white and beautiful. When I was younger I loved to play in the snow, throw snowballs at Alan and Kate, or make snow angels in the front yard. Grace loved making angels and I often wondered if she was missing out on some things by not having any brothers or sisters.

Thoughts of Sirius raced through my mind. If Sirius hadn't gone to prison, would we have gotten married? Would we have had more children? Would we have been happy?

What I couldn't help but wonder was why, after so many years, did I finally remember what happened? He did something to my memory, erased part of it, of that I was sure, but why? Could he have been worried I would testify against him? I did though. I told the Bobbies everything

I stayed on the couch for at least an hour, watching the snowfall, drinking my tea and just relaxing. It was a quiet, peaceful day, one that I hadn't had for quite a long time. I had the telly on as background noise, but was barely paying attention to it.

Just as I was drifting to sleep, a loud crash from the kitchen broke me from the quiet. My heart pounded in my chest as my mind raced to remember if I had left anything near the edge that would fall. When nothing crossed my mind, I slowly got up, creeping towards the kitchen. I picked up an old baseball bat of Alan's, holding it over my shoulder, ready to swing at whatever I saw. How could someone be in the kitchen? No one had come in. The kitchen window was locked and I hadn't heard the glass break.

I crept forward, ready to swing at a moment's notice. Turning the corner, I jumped, gasping as my eyes landed on a man standing in my kitchen. His clothes hung off him in piles, dirty, ragged and patched, and his hair was clumped together and knotted. His shirt hung open, revealing intricate tattoos across his chest. 'Who…? What…?' My heart pounded as my mind turned. How far was I from the phone? Could I make it before he caught me?

The man turned to look up at me, his grey eyes meeting mine. 'Oh no,' I said softly, taking a step backward. 'Get out of my house,' I whispered. He was here, now, after all this time.

'Krista,' he whispered. His voice sounded hoarse, as if it hadn't been used in a long time.

'No. Get out before I call the Bobbies.' I stepped aside towards the telephone attached to the wall, my hand reaching out to grab the receiver.

'Please, just listen.'

'No! You… you murdered them. Get out! Get out, Sirius!' I yelled as he took a step towards me. 'Lily and James… it's your fault their dead! I didn't remember! I didn't remember anything about what happened. What did you do to me? You did something to my memory!'

He took another step towards me again and I backed against the wall, scared he might attack me. 'I… please listen. I didn't… I swear…'

I had backed myself into a corner and was trapped. He could come after me, he could attack me at any moment and I was practically defenceless. What could a baseball bat do to a wizard?

'I will not listen! You erased my memory. You made me forget everything to do with magic. Why? Why did you do that?' I was tempted to swing the bat, but he probably had his wand on him. I knew what magic a wizard could do and I wasn't looking forward to be on the receiving end again. I remembered every painful moment of Michael's curses.

'I didn't kill them!' He pleaded, his hands clasped in front of him. 'They were my best friends. I would never hurt them.'

'You were in charge of them. I remember that now. You were in hiding that night; you weren't with me. You came home… in tears… You killed them,' I whispered, tears stinging my eyes. 'You were crying… you wouldn't tell me why but I know you killed them.'

I couldn't believe he was standing in my kitchen, in front of me. Why hadn't I called the Bobbies yet? Why was I still standing here with him? What was it about him that always stopped me in my tracks? Even that night, when he told me what he was, I didn't leave.

'I know,' he whispered. 'It's my fault they're gone. If only I hadn't been so stupid… I was supposed to take care of them.'

'Damn right you were. You were the only friends I had! Damn it, Sirius, I loved you! And you took everything away from me. You made me forget…' Tears poured down my cheeks and landed in soft plops on the floor. I sniffled and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I couldn't cry for him any more.

He opened his mouth and shut it again, no words coming out. After clearing his throat, he managed a few words. 'I'm sorry, Krista,' he whispered, his voice hoarse. 'I'm so sorry. But you have to believe me. I didn't kill them. I wasn't in charge of them, I promise you.'

'How can I believe you? After all the lies, all the… you told me you were supposed to take care of them, that you were going to keep them safe. You promised they would be safe,' I insisted, angrily wiping the tear tracks from my cheeks.

Nodding, Sirius brushed a lock of dirty hair from his eyes. 'I was supposed to. We changed at the last minute, figured no one would guess if we changed.' He shrugged, 'we were right. No one knew we changed, never guessed anyone but I would be Secret Keeper.' He paused for a moment, wiping his grimy face with an even grimier hand.

'Not a day passes that I don't think of them.' He looked up at me, meeting my eyes. 'All I saw in there was Lily's face staring up at me, her red hair strewn across her face. Or James' blank eyes staring up at me, his glasses crooked on his face…' he trailed off, unable to finish his thought.

I stared into his eyes, his once beautiful grey eyes that sparkled with laughter, were now blank. I shivered and quickly looked away. There was no way I could look at him like this. 'I don't know what to say to you. I should call the police; have them lock you up again. I spent the past twelve years barely remembering anything that happened in '81. I sent my daughter to Hogwarts, not realizing that I had already heard of it before.

'I remembered you but not being attacked and nearly killed. I didn't remember being in St. Mungo's because you nearly had been killed. I thought you broke your arm. What am I supposed to do with that? What am I supposed to say to you?'

'I don't know.' He spoke so softly, I wasn't sure I actually heard him. I…I didn't know if I should believe him. After everything he put me through, all the pain. Why on Earth hadn't I called the Bobbies yet?

'You escaped from prison. You're still supposed to be there.' I slid to the ground, pulling my knees up and hugging them close to my chest, the baseball bat falling to the floor next to me. 'I… I don't know. I should call the police and have them arrest you. How do I know you won't hurt me?'

He knelt down in front of me, his dirty robes pooling by his knees. Keeping his distance, he stared at me, forcing me to meet his eyes. 'I would never hurt you. I could never intentionally hurt you.'

Strangely, as I stared into his eyes, I believed him. He fought so hard to keep me safe while we were dating. He rescued me not once, but twice from Death Eaters. Would he have saved me so many times if he was in league with the people who wanted to hurt me? If he was involved with the Death Eaters? 'I cannot explain to you how sorry I am. I erased your memory so you would be safe. I didn't want them coming after you. If the Ministry did it, you wouldn't remember anything at all and you'd end up like that bloke from your work. At least now you remembered me. You remembered our time together and I could live with that as long as you were safe. I'm sorry, Krista.'

'That wasn't right. You should have talked to me. I could have lied to them, no one would have known.'

'They have ways of making you tell the truth. There's a potion, Veritaserum, that can force you to tell the truth and you don't realize your doing it. You can't control what you say.' He looked away, glancing around the kitchen.

I wasn't sure what to do or say. Did I want to call the police, get him sent back to the prison that terrified him? 'You were in Azkaban, right?' I asked, biting my lip because I already knew the answer.

His blank eyes grew dark and he nodded, a shiver rushing through his body. 'I'm sorry,' I said softly. 'I remember you telling me about that place… that it was awful and you never wanted to go there.'

'You're right, looks like that didn't happen,' he said maliciously.

I glanced at him quickly. He wasn't looking at me, but staring around the room, his eyes focusing everywhere but at mine. Thirteen years had passed; he was bound to be a different person after being in prison. 'I'm not saying that I believe you,' I said, looking up at meeting his eyes that were now staring at me. 'But if I did, who else could have done it?'

'Have you forgotten about Remus and Peter? Both of them knew exactly what we were doing. Both knew exactly how much danger we were all in.'

'Remus?' I said, my voice showing how shocked I was. 'Surely he…' It couldn't be Remus. I couldn't imagine… no, it wasn't possible. Not Remus.

He smirked, rolling his eyes. 'You jumped to that conclusion, too. No one ever would have suspected Peter. He's too much of a wimp, no backbone.'

My jaw dropped and I looked at him. 'But…' Surely not Peter. Sirius must have done it. Peter never seemed like he could do anything to anyone. He always jumped when I addressed him, barely speaking ten words to me.

'No one knew we changed at the last minute. I convinced James that Peter was the better option; everyone would figure it was me. It was a great plan and would have worked, if that rat hadn't been working for Voldemort.' He slid to the side as a cough wracked his slight frame.

I wanted to move towards him, to comfort him, something. I wanted it to be thirteen years ago, before I knew he was a murderer. I wanted to be oblivious of everything.

'You don't believe me, do you?' He asked, his voice quiet for the first time since he entered my flat. 'I understand if you don't. It's just…' he trailed off as another cough shook him.

'I don't know,' I whispered. 'I've spent the past twelve years convinced you did it. I've avoided telling my daughter…' I stopped and bit my lip. 'I've been certain it was your fault.'

'Your daughter? You have a kid?'

Biting my lip, I looked away. I couldn't tell him about her, I just couldn't. 'Yeah, she's…' I started, trying to come up with something else to say.

I have never been happier to hear a knock on the door. 'Who else?' I asked, dropping my head to my lap.

'I need to go,' he said, moving to his feet as quickly as he could. 'I'll… Kris, I'll be back soon.' The knock sounded again and I looked from Sirius to the door. 'I promise.' His hand came out as if to reach for me, but was quickly pulled back. 'I still love you,' he said before pulling a wand from his filthy robes.

With a loud crack, he vanished from my kitchen. I cringed at the sound, my mind flashing back to Michael. As I had asked myself a hundred times before, would I ever be used to that sound?

When the knock sounded a third time, I slowly got to my feet. My hands shook as I reached for the doorknob. 'Yes, how may I help you?' I asked as I opened the door.

On my front step were two very tall gentlemen wearing dark cloaks. One was black, bald, and wore an earring while the other white with brown hair. If I hadn't gotten my memories back, I would have certainly been confused. But, they probably didn't know I knew, otherwise they might be upset. But then again, maybe they did know that I knew, and I should tell them that I know… oh goodness I was thinking in circles!

'Are you,' the first man looked down at a file of papers in his hands. 'Krista Marie Thomas, mother of Grace Elizabeth Thomas?'

'You already know that, or you wouldn't be standing on my step. Now, how may I help you?' My heart still pounded in my chest and my hands still shook. Who were these men?

'Yes, umm.' The second man started, stumbling over his words. 'We are here to talk to you about Sirius Black.'

This time, my jaw dropped. Why now? He had escaped months ago, why would the come to talk to me now? Did they know he had just been here? That he just vanished from my kitchen? 'Why? Do you think I'm hiding him in my closet?' I struggled to keep my voice calm and steady and hoped I had succeeded.

'No ma'am. May we come in? It might be easier than speaking to you through your door.'

I started to shake my head, but stepped aside; letting the two cloaked men enter. 'What do you need to ask me about Sirius? I haven't seen him in twelve years, just before he was arrested.' Could they tell magic had been done? Did they know he had been here?

'Yes, that's what our records say. Your daughter is attending Hogwarts this year, yes?' The first man seemed surer of himself than the second; he was more likely to question me about serious matters. The second man stumbled too much over his words.

Nodding my head, I sighed. 'Yes, she is. And yes, I'm aware that Sirius Black murdered twelve innocent people and an innocent Peter Pettigrew. I'm also aware that he lied to me throughout our entire relationship.' I gestured to the two men to have a seat, and then sat on the couch. I wasn't planning on being hospitable by offering them anything to drink. I wasn't in the mood for pleasantries.

The second man coughed and looked down at his notes. 'I'm sure you're also aware that Black has escaped from prison. He hasn't stopped by to see you, has he?'

I stared, trying to sound uninterested. 'Do you think he's been to see me?' I asked rhetorically, I was already annoyed by these two wizards and they'd only been here for a few minutes. Did they know I was lying?

'Well Krista…' The second man started, but I quickly interrupted.

'That would be Ms. Thomas to you. I don't know you. I don't think we have the need to be informal.'

'Yes, Ms. Thomas. You were involved with Black for over a year, were you not?' The first man had opened up his notepad and was poised to write, his quill hovering a few inches over his parchment.

'Yes, you knew that already, when you questioned me the first time back in 1981. I was involved with Black for over a year, and together, we had a child. One that he knows nothing about and I would like to keep it that way.' Was Sirius listening? Could he hear what I was saying? Did he know about Grace?

The man was jotting down nearly everything I said. 'So Black has no reason to contact you? None whatsoever. You are certain he doesn't know about his daughter?'

'Unless someone has told him about her. I have no need to speak to him. My daughter and I are perfectly fine with not speaking to him. I personally hope that you find him, and fast, so that I don't have to worry about my daughter's safety.'

'Well Ms. Thomas, if you can think of any other information, please send an owl to this address.' The second man handed me a small note card with an address. 'We'll let you return to your work.'

I rose from the couch and walked the two men to the door. 'Thank you again.' They left, slowly walking down the sidewalk, talking to the other.

I turned the business card over and read the names on the back. Kingsley Shacklebolt and Robert Dawlish, Aurors.

Wait, Sirius was an Auror, before he was arrested and thrown in prison, wasn't he? When we first met, he told me he was like the local Bobbies. I know that's what he was; an auror.

Returning to the couch, I laid my head back and closed my eyes. All I wanted was a normal, quiet evening. Why did my life have to suck so bad?

AN: So sorry about the delay! I meant to post this before I left for vacation but got got boggled down with packing and such. I hope you enjoyed this!

Thank you to: Hi, Anja Midnight, sirius' sis, LilyCalliePotter, Tsuki, Olga and Elias, Rosiline, amrawo, LadyStrider17, ., aerilynblack, ktmt1120, Allen Pitt and missnyadean for reviewing the previous chapter!