Chapter 10

On December 8, I turned thirty-three years old. The day snuck up on me without my realizing it for the first time in years. The past few birthdays had crept closer and closer, especially once I hit the dreaded "thirty." This year, however, between being worried about Grace at school, my relationship with Remus and Sirius' recent visit, I was preoccupied to say the least.

I woke up that morning to an owl taping at my window. A package was tied to its leg and it took me a full minute before I realized why. 'All right, all right, I'll let you in.' I swung my legs over the bed and placed my feet on the cold floor. After tying my bathrobe around my waist, I walked to the cold window, unlocked it, and slid it up. 'Burr!' I exclaimed when a burst of cold air hit my face. 'It's cold enough to snow!'

The owl hopped onto the window ledge and then flew to my dresser where he stuck out his leg. I quickly shut the window and made my way to the owl. 'Hard to believe I woke up and forgot it was my birthday, right? Most people are excited for their birthdays. I actually forgot mine this year.' I fumbled with the knot, finally releasing the package.

After placing some water into a bowl for the owl, I hit the power button on my coffeemaker and sat down with my package. It was from Grace, of course. There were only so many people who would send me a package by owl. I could count them on one hand and still have extra fingers.

The barn owl, after having his (her?) fill of water, hopped over to the window and I stood to open it. 'Have a safe flight,' I said, knowing the animal probably couldn't understand a word I said. It nipped at my finger and flew off into the cold, cold morning.

I returned to the couch and pulled the package onto my lap. Sliding my fingers underneath the thin strip of tape, I slowly pried it up and ripped it off. The brown paper fell away from the package and I looked down at my present. She had bought me a calligraphy set, complete with quill and inkbottle. Where had she bought this? First year students weren't allowed to leave the school, at least that was what Remus told me. Mail order perhaps?

I set the box on the side table and headed to the kitchen to fix my morning cup of coffee. It really was awful, being alone for your birthday. I hadn't spent a birthday alone since before I met Sirius. I guess I missed Grace more than I thought.

After staring at the black screen of the telly for a few minutes, I stood up from the couch and headed toward the bathroom. After a hot shower, I finished my coffee and muffin as I read the paper. There was nothing in there about Sirius today, contrary to most every other day. Maybe he finally left Brittan?

A knock on the door startled me, splashing hot coffee on my lap. 'Damnit!' I exclaimed, quickly grabbing a napkin from the coffee table. 'Coming!' I yelled, hurrying to clean up the coffee before it dripped to the floor and stained my carpet.

I dropped the soaked napkins into the trash and walked to the door, peering through the peephole. A smile crossed my face as I realized who was standing on my doorstep. 'Remus!' I exclaimed, pulling open the door with a wide smile. 'What are you doing here?'

'A little owl told me it was your birthday,' he said with a small smile. From behind his back, he pulled out a small brown box. 'Happy Birthday, Krista.'

'Oh, Remus! You didn't have to get me anything.' I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and hugged him. 'Please, come in.' Stepping aside, I let me friend…boyfriend… friend enter.

'I know, but I wanted to.' He sat on my couch in what was now his usual spot. I curled up in my chair, my feet tucked under me.

Remus held out the box and I took it, surprised by how heavy it was for its size. As I pulled back the flaps, I couldn't help but think about him being in my home, today of all days. It wasn't as if it was a huge surprise, but quite a coincidence. There were so many things I needed to tell him, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. 'Oh goodness,' I whispered as the contents came into view. The small box was filled with candies.

'There aren't any ones you're familiar with, as they're all from Honeydukes. It's a store in Hogsmeade, the all Wizarding village near Hogwarts. You now have everything from fudge and chocolate frogs to sugar quills and Droobles Best Blowing bubble gum.'

I looked up, meeting his eyes. 'Thank you,' I said softly, feeling tears well in my eyes. I needed to tell him. He needed to know. 'I'll look through all of them later.' I shut the flaps and placed the box on the coffee table. I looked away, blinking quickly to get rid of the tears in my eyes.

'Krista, what's wrong?'

'Remus, we have to talk.' I blinked back the tears and took a deep breath. Taking a deep breath, I struggled to organize my thoughts into coherent sentences. 'I… I remember…everything.'

I risked a glance up at him, not surprised to see the strange look on his face. 'What do you mean, everything?'

'Everything. I remember being attacked in my flat by Michael. I remember being kidnapped and kept in that basement until you three rescued me. I remember Sirius being in the hospital after a mission he went on with you. I remember Marlene and Dorcas. I remember… what they said he did…' I trailed off, my voice cracking.

Once again, tears filled my eyes as I looked up at him. 'When did this happen? When did you start remembering?'

'On the 28th. It was our anniversary. I don't know why, but all of a sudden, I starting remembering things. It… I don't know what happened.' I shrugged, wondering how Remus was going to react to this. Part of our "relationship" was based on the fact that I didn't know anything about the magical world. Now I did. What was going to happen now?

Remus cleared his throat and suddenly looked guilty, like he knew something I didn't. 'He cast a memory charm on you, the night he left. He would have had to be near you to lift it.'

'So he was near my house that… wait, you knew? You knew he did that to me?' A light clicked on and suddenly, it was all clear. Remus knew that Sirius had cast that charm. How could he not tell me? How could he call himself my friend while lying to me?

'Krista, give me a moment to explain,' he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His eyes pleaded with me to understand, to wait before arguing. I managed to bite my tongue for one of the first times in my life.

'You better explain,' I said softly

He sighed and suddenly he looked so much older than his thirty-four years. 'You have to remember, everything was strained at that time. We were all trying to come up with Plan B so to speak. We wanted to be sure that if something happened to us, the people we cared about would still be safe. James and Lily were in hiding with Harry. Peter made sure his mother was safe. I didn't have anyone left…' he paused for a moment. I knew he was remembering Dorcas. He was so distraught over her death. It affected him more than James and Sirius. With a brief shake of his head, he continued. 'Sirius wanted to make sure you were safe. He told us that if anything happened, he was going to cast a memory charm on you. He wanted you safe from the Ministry.'

'They would have erased everything,' I said softly, remembering what he told me just a few days ago. 'I would have ended up like Christopher with no memories at all.'

He nodded, 'Sirius wanted to spare you from that. He just wanted you to forget magic, but remember him and some of the good times we all had.'

Glimpses of memories flashed through my mind. After so many years of remembering the bad things, I wanted to try to catch the happy times. 'I didn't remember the happy times,' I said softly. 'All I focused on was the bad. I blocked out a lot of the good.'

Remus frowned, 'well, now you have plenty of good to remember.'

'I've had a lot of good memories with Grace. That makes up for quite a bit of the bad.'

A small smile crossed his face as he agreed. 'I imagine she would have given quite a few good memories. She's doing well, by the way. There haven't been any more sightings of Sirius near the castle, so we're taking that as a good sign.'

The mention of his name caused my heart to leap in my chest involuntarily. Did I want to talk about Sirius with him today? He had been on my mind since his visit just a few weeks ago. I wouldn't tell him that Sirius visited me; he would be angry I hadn't called the Aurors. Hell, I was still unsure of why I hadn't called them.

'Remus, are we completely certain he was the one who turned them over to You-Know-Who?' I spoke softly but quickly, cringing at the moment of silence between my question and his answer.

'Krista, what brought this on? He didn't come visit you, did he?' He asked angrily, his eyes growing colder than I ever remembered seeing them.

To say I was shocked by his tone was an understatement. He had never snapped at me, not even before. 'What? No!" I tried to sound convincing, but I don't think he believed me. I wouldn't have believed me either. 'I just… now that I remember everything, I just don't know if I believe he could have done it. He loved Harry, James and Lily too. I can't see him…'

Remus leaned forward and took my hands in his. He held them tightly and I could felt he warmth radiating from him. I really wish I could figure out what he is to me, a friend or boyfriend. This complicated relationship was starting to get confusing. 'Krista, he fooled us all. There is no other explanation for what happened. He sold James and Lily to Voldemort, and then killed Peter. He was their Secret Keeper. He was the only one who knew exactly where they were.

'I'm sure he did come see you, don't try to deny it. Just please don't let him tell you differently. There was no one else with whom James would have trusted his life, or Lily and Harry's. Dumbledore even volunteered, but James insisted on using Sirius.' He squeezed my hands tightly and forced a smile up at me. 'Please believe me.'

'He said the same thing,' I said softly, knowing I just confirmed his suspicions. 'He told me he was innocent and asked me to believe him.'

'Why didn't you call the Aurors or even the muggle Bobbies?'

Tears filled my eyes as I shrugged my shoulders. 'I don't know. I… I can't… I wanted to, but there's just something about him that always made me stop.'

'If he comes back again, you need to call them. He needs to be put back in Azkaban, Krista. He is going to hurt Harry. What would you do if he found out about Grace? What if he tries to get her too?' He reached up and tilted my chin so I was now looking in his eyes.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I met his hazel eyes. 'Okay,' I agreed, trying to look away.

'Okay, what?'

'Okay I'll call. I'll get him put back in prison.' I shivered, but from the cold or something else I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure if I believe Sirius or what I had been told about him. Part of me wanted to believe Remus since this is what I had thought for years. But another part, a small part, really believed Sirius.

'Good,' he said with a quick smile. 'Now, I hate to leave you like this, but I have to be getting back. I have a class in thirty minutes and it's at least a fifteen minute walk from the village.'

Remus stood and pulled me up with him. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close. I slid mine around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder. Even if we wound up nothing but friends, he was still a great guy. 'Happy Birthday, Krista,' he whispered into my hair.

'Thank you.' I pulled away and wiped the tear tracks from my cheeks. 'I promise. I'll call if he comes back.'

'That's all I asked.' He walked to the door and I followed, opening it for him. 'If you need anything, you know how to reach me.'

We exchanged our goodbyes and he vanished with a loud crack. I closed my eyes at the sound and took a deep breath. Would I be able to call the Aurors the next time he showed up? Or would I end up agreeing with Sirius again?

Why couldn't I get away from this? I wanted to believe Remus, it would make things so much easier. But at the same time, I didn't want to believe Sirius was a murderer. He was so kind and gentle with me when we were together. Could he really pretend that well? Could he have fooled not only me, but his best mates as well?

AN: I am so sorry it took this long! I've gone through 3 drafts of this chapter and I'm still not happy. Hope you all liked it! The good news is that the next chapter is completely written, just needs to be edited.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter! Even if it was nearly 2mths ago! Sorry!