Chapter 11

The Hogwarts Express pulled into King's Cross Station six days before Christmas. I was greeted with an enthusiastic child who had numerous stories to tell about her experiences at school. Her cat mewed from her carrier as we headed through the barrier and out to my car, leaving behind the magical world for at least a month.

I was happy to have her home to say the very least, and it seemed like Grace was happy to be home as well.

Now, six days later, Grace had finally calmed down and nearly run out of stories to tell. She fell back into our routine, even helping with the chores, something she strongly opposed before.

When she woke up Christmas morning, she came bounding into my room and jumped on my bed. It seemed to be an unwelcome tradition I hoped she would stop soon. 'Good morning, Mum!'

My eyes flew open and I squinted at the bright sunlight. My daughter was kneeling on the bed next to me, a large grin on her face. 'Come see! There are presents!' She jumped off the bed and ran into the living room.

I smiled as I kicked off the covers and placed my feet on the cool carpet. My bathrobe was lying on the back of a chair, so I grabbed it and slipped my arms through the sleeves. I tied the tie and followed my daughter out into the living room.

Underneath our brightly lit tree were two small piles of presents. I recognized some of them as the ones I put there last night and others were the ones Gracie had placed there. She ran over and divvied them up between the two of us.

There were a few extras, from her school friends in her pile, and a few extras in mine, that I hadn't seen before. 'Here Mum! This is your pile.' She gestured to the small pile of gifts off to the side by the couch.

I sat on the couch and watched as she ripped open the first of her packages. She pulled out a small pile of books from one of her friends. After flipping through a few pages, she put them off to the side. I picked them up and flipped through myself. One was entitled Quidditch through the Ages, a history of the sport all the way from the beginning through now. With my memories back, I remembered exactly what Quidditch was, a sport played on broomsticks. Lily once told me that James had been captain of their house team in school.

My heart ached as I remembered them. Even twelve years later, I still missed them immensely.

We unwrapped the remainder of our presents and she began playing with the miniature broomstick one of her friends had sent her. My gifts failed to compare with the ones from the magical world. The only thing she seemed to like was the locket I had passed on to her from her great-grandma. I shouldn't say that. She liked everything I bought for her; they just weren't as exciting as her magical gifts.

'We're going to Grandma's house today, yes?' Gracie looked up from her book.

'Yes, once we're both showered and have had breakfast.' I folded my new blouses and placed them on the sofa.

Gracie ran off to the bathroom to shower, leaving me with the one, remaining present hidden underneath the tree skirt. I pulled it out, my fingers running along the edges. It was shaped like a book, the edges slightly ruffled. I peeled back the edge of the paper, staring down at the faded reddish-brown leather. It was my journal. The one Sirius had given me twelve years ago for my birthday. How did it get here?

I opened it up and flipped through a few pages.

January 28th, 1981

Journal,

I told him that I loved him today. We were in his hospital room and I said it while he was still slightly unconscious. I love him. And I think I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Is this moving to fast? Should I slow down?

I flipped ahead a few more pages and a shiver went down my spine. I found one of the few memories I was thankful to have forgotten: nearly being killed.

March 15, 1981

Journal,

Michael tried to kill me. Of all the ideas I had about him, all the times I thought he was harmless… He was one of the bad guys. One of the guys Sirius, James, Remus and Peter fight against.

Suppressing another shiver, I turned to the back of the book, and a photo fell out. My breath hitched in my throat. It was the picture I tried to give away that Christmas. The one taken at James and Lily's house, Halloween of 1980. We were all there: Dorcas, Marlene, James, Lily, Harry, Peter, Remus, Sirius and I.

'Mum?' Grace asked, walking back into the room. 'Aren't we going to Grandma's today?' She had emerged from her room wearing her new jeans and bright pink sweater.

I looked up and met her eyes. 'Yes, dear. I need to shower first though. Why don't you work on that essay of yours?'

Grace groaned, but went to pull out her books. I put the picture back in the book and closed it. Where should I hide it? I couldn't have Grace finding it, she wouldn't understand what happened. I opted for my lingerie chest, where it had originally been hidden with Sirius and I lived together twelve years previous.

The shower was long and glorious. I let the hot water rush over me, relaxing my muscles and taking my mind away from the matter at hand. Did I want to tell Grace about her father? She hadn't asked me any questions since being home, though I knew that wouldn't last long. She spoke to Remus about it shortly after arriving at school.

Did I even believe he was innocent? Even having the past month to think about it hadn't convinced me either way. I was split. Part of me wanted to believe he didn't do it; that he was framed. The other half wanted to continue with everything I had thought thus far. He had them killed.

My shower ended much too soon, and I was greeted with a quick rush of cool air when I pushed the shower curtain aside. I rewrapped my bathrobe around me and retreated to my bedroom to change. A simple sweater over jeans would be fine for a day at my mother's home.

'Are you ready?' I asked Grace once I had emerged from my room.

She slammed a book shut and quickly rolled up her parchment. 'I've been ready. I don't think I can write anymore on the planets. Earth is the only one I care about.' After returning her books to her large bag, she met me at the front door, ready to head out.

'Don't forget to grab your present for Grandma.' I said, knowing she'd left it on her desk.

'Oh! Right.' Grace ran back to her room and came back with the small box. 'Now you're sure Grandma will like this?'

She had purchased for her a small locket with pictures of us on each side. 'Yes, I'm sure Grandma will love it.'

I grabbed the bag with presents for my nieces, nephew, brother and sister. I hadn't seen Katie in quite a while and was anxious to see her son. 'Cassie, Katharine and Anthony are going to be there, right?'

'Yes. Grandma's going to have a full house today.' We locked the door and made our way out to the car.

The drive went by fast and I was kept entertained with more of Grace's stories about school. When we arrived, the girls and Anthony were out in the front yard building a snowman with the snow that fell the night before.

'I'm going to play outside for a while, is that all right?' Grace looked up with me, pleading.

'Yes, yes of course. I'll go inside and drop off our gifts.' I waved hello to the other children and left Grace outside to play.

When I went into the house, I was bombarded with the smell of ham, potatoes, vegetables and bread. I loved coming to Mum's house for the holidays. She always cooked vast amounts delicious food, with lots of leftovers to take home.

'Krista! You're here!' My Mum came rushing into the living room followed closely behind by my sister Katie and sister-in-law Caitlin.

'Hi Mum, Katie, Caitlin. How are you all?' I managed to drop my bag in time to be hugged tightly by my overexcited mother.

'Where's Gracie?' Mum stepped back and looked around trying to find my daughter. Katie moved forward in her stead to hug me tightly.

'Grace is outside with the girls and Anthony. And by the way, he's getting so big! He's at least a foot taller than the last time I saw him!'

Katie grinned. 'I know, he's taking after his father. The doctor says he'll easily be over six foot.'

I stared at my sister. 'Wow.' There were no other words. 'Where are the guys? Shouldn't they be here picking on us girls?' I glanced around and peeked into the kitchen, but no sign of my brother and brother-in-law.

'They went out for a cigar. Mum kicked them out of the kitchen,' Caitlin said with a smile. 'Can't say I blame her. I throw Alan out constantly, but he always comes back.'

We were laughing when the men came back inside. The looks of confusion on their faces set us off again. Despite our giggles, I managed to hug my brother and brother-in-law.

Mum disappeared to the kitchen to finish cooking dinner while my siblings and I retreated to the living room to discuss our lives since the last time we were all together.

'So where's Grace going to school again?' My brother Alan asked, taking a sip of his wine. 'Mum said she was at a special boarding school?'

The question I was waiting for. I knew it wouldn't take long. 'She's at this school up in Scotland. We thought it was time for a change and she received a good scholarship. Grace loves it up there. She has all these new friends and is learning loads. Just be careful what you ask her, she tends to ramble on about it for quite a long time.'

'Oh very nice. As long as she's happy.' Caitlin smiled over at me and I nodded.

'Yes, she is. I'm not doing as well, a bit lonely without her around to keep me company.' I paused, and then grinned. 'I should get a dog.'

'HA!' Katie laughed from her seat on Anthony's lap. 'You and dogs don't mix. Remember that time that large one bit you?'

'What bit you, Mum?' Grace said as she and the other kids walked through the door. Their cheeks were bright pink and noses red with cold.

'A dog Aunt Kate and I met in the park one time when we were little. Nothing too big, although Daddy did get a bit upset we were out alone.' Grace came and sat on my lap, sticking her cold fingers against my cheeks.

'There you little,' I said, tickling her sides. Grace squealed and thrashed around on the chair, trying to get away.

'All right, all right. Leave the girls alone and get in here. It's time to eat. Alan, it's your turn to carve the ham!' My mother announced from the kitchen hall and like obedient children, we all stood up and followed.

We ate our ham, veggies and potatoes and took seconds, even thirds of all. By the time we were through, our stomachs were full and we were all sleepy. 'Time for presents!' Mum said and the kids raced to the living room where Mum had her tree set up.

'I'll help with the dishes, Mum,' I said, picking up the plates and stacking them on top of the other.

'No, no. Go. I'll be in there in a moment. I'm just going to soak a few of these plates. Go, watch the kids.' Mum took the plates from my hands and shooed me into the other room.

'Mum, look what Aunt Katie and Uncle Anthony got me!' Grace held up a beautiful porcelain doll dressed in Victorian era clothes.

'Oh Grace, she's beautiful! Be careful, we don't want her to get broken.' Grace cradled the doll carefully in her arms and placed her back in the box.

The children dove into the wrapped packages and soon, we were a foot deep in crinkled up colourful paper. After dessert, Grace piled up her gifts and we said our good-byes.

'I'll be sure to write,' Grace told her cousins. 'And next time you're over, you can meet my cat.'

'You have a cat?' The girls said in unison, causing me to giggle.

'Bye Katie, Anthony. I'll give you a ring after Grace goes back to school. We should get together.' I hugged my sister and brother-in-law then turned to my brother. 'You take care of those girls. They're going to start breaking hearts soon.'

Alan put his hand to his forehead and laughed. 'Not for another ten years, if they're lucky.'

'Come on, Gracie! Say good-bye to Grandma and let's go!'

Mum came in and handed me a plastic bag filled with leftovers. 'Now you have extra food for dinners and lunches. Now remember to put it into the fridge as soon as you get home.'

'Yes, Mum,' I said with a sigh. Sometimes, she still treated me like a child. 'We'll see you later.' I hugged her, as did Grace, and then we were off.

'Cassandra and Katharine want to come see Astra. Can they come over sometime?' Grace asked once we were on the road and nearly home.

'Sure. We just have to hide all of your magic textbooks, your wand and make sure that the cat doesn't do anything strange while they're there.' Grace's face fell a bit, and I regretted my statement. 'I'm sure everything will be fine. 'Well try to have them over before you go back to school.'

Once we made it back to the house and the gifts were put underneath the dark Christmas tree, I collapsed onto the couch and stared up at the ceiling. Would things be different if Sirius was here? Would he have gotten along with my siblings? Would we have had a wonderful Christmas dinner, like the one we just had?

'I'm going to head off to bed, Mum. Happy Christmas.' Gracie yawned widely then retreated back to her room, leaving me with the numerous thoughts that raced through my head.

When I heard her door shut, I let the tears fall from my eyes. 'I miss you,' I whispered. 'I miss having you around, you were always so happy. I was so happy.'

I stared at the walls, letting myself wallow in my sadness. This was the first Christmas where I remembered everything, and it was getting to me. I didn't want to remember, didn't want to know. For the first time, I was thankful Sirius had taken my magical memories from me.

I jumped when a loud knocked sounded from the front door. After wiping my eyes, I stood up and opened the door slowly, so I wouldn't wake Grace. 'Remus, what are you doing here?'

He smiled. 'I wanted to wish you a Happy Christmas. And to make sure you were all right.'

I moved aside and let him step into the living room. 'Thank you. We're fine.' I curled back up on the couch and he sat in the armchair he seemed fond of.

'I didn't ask how Grace was. I was checking to make sure you were all right.' He was leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

'I'm fine.'

'Then why have you been crying?'

I wiped my eyes again. 'I'm not crying.'

Remus raised an eyebrow as he watched me. I suddenly felt like a child being reprimanded. 'Fine, I was crying. I don't want to miss him, but I can't stop it. I remember all this… all these memories and I can't sort through them fast enough! I remember being happy that Christmas, until James showed up and they left for the entire day.' I paused and he waited for me to continue.

'I got a present from him today. Let me go get it.' I left him sitting in my living room, staring after me. I ignored the look on his face. He was probably wondering the same thing as I, how did the present get into my house?

I had shoved it in my lingerie drawer underneath my nylons. After pulling the picture from the back of the notebook, I walked back to the living room and handed it to Remus. 'He gave this to me today. He must have taken it after he played around with my memories. I suppose if I had seen it, it would have been confused, considering I didn't know about any of it.'

Remus looked down at the photo and smiled. 'We were all happy that day. Remember Dorcas trying to move the objects with her nose like Jeannie?'

Nodding, I sat down on the arm of the chair. 'She got excited when Sirius moved it for her. She thought she actually did it.'

We laughed at each other for a few minutes, and then lapsed into silence. 'Krista, I had one other reason for coming over tonight.'

'Oh? What was that?' I slid into the chair from the arm and curled my legs underneath me.

'I'm trying to figure out what we are. We're not really together, but it feels like we're more than friends.' He leaned forward and took my hands in his. 'I would really like to stay friends, if that's all right with you.'

It felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. I had been worrying about this for so long and now it was settled. 'That sounds like a wonderful idea. I do like you, really. It's just… so… awkward.'

He let out a sigh and smiled. 'Good. Now that is settled. I hope you don't think too awful of me having said that on Christmas.'

'No, not at all. I've been thinking about it myself for a while. It's nice to have it settled.'

We sat in silence, comfortable silence, for a few minutes before he stood with a smile. 'I'm going to let you go back to whatever it was you were doing.'

I walked him to the door and kissed his cheek. 'Happy Christmas, Remus.'

'Happy Christmas, Krista.' He kissed my cheek one last time and vanished down the sidewalk.

I watched as he walked down the sidewalk and vanished with a loud crack. I stood in the doorway for another minute before shutting it and wrapping my arms around myself. When I returned to the couch, I picked up the picture from Halloween and my journal. 'Damn you, Sirius. Damn you.'

AN: Here's the next chapter, just as I promised! I should have the next one up by Friday. It too just needs to be edited. Thank you to: LadyStrider17, ShiroTears-and-KuroiRoses, the_werewolf_gal, Olga and Elias, amrawo and Hi for reviewing the last chapter!