Human Hospitality
by scoutergreen
Chapter 31
Uneasy Return
Author's Note: I'm not rehashing DBZ episodes you guys, totally deviating from canon in this chapter. Deal w/ it lol
The evening had been a very long one for Yamcha, and it didn't appear that it would be ending any time soon. Eager to please Bulma during her time off work, Yamcha had offered to take her out for a movie and dessert afterwards. He'd sat through a historical romance film that was incredibly boring, to put it lightly, and was quite happy to move on to a small cafe that made a particularly good carrot cake.
"So," Bulma paused to take a long sip of cappuccino, "you-know-who contacted me. Said he's on his way back."
"Ugh..." Yamcha fought the urge to curse.
"Vegeta gave me a time frame of about seven to nine weeks. He was in quite the shitty mood when he contacted me, too. Seems to have a real issue with women, on top of everything else."
Yamcha clenched his fists in anger and leaned across the table to reassure Bulma. "I'll stick around the Capsule compound for a while, then. The last thing I want is for that guy to hurt you, Bulma... I know what he's capable of. He's evil!"
Bulma reached across the table and put her hand in Yamcha's, "and you're so sweet, Yamcha. You know, maybe it's a good thing I took time off work; our relationship has improved, not to mention I feel and look a lot better too!"
Maybe things will improve, thought Yamcha, and we've just been through a really rough patch... yeah, things are bound to get better!
Eight weeks and four days later, on a bright Tuesday morning around ten thirty, the Capsule Corporation's second generation experimental spacecraft plummeted back towards the Earth and landed in the huge backyard with a deafening thud that triggered car alarms as far as five city blocks away and shook leaves off nearby trees.
During the final two weeks of Vegeta's travel, his available power started to deplete rapidly, and in a fit of panic the Saiyan made a point of turning off nearly all the lights, shutting off the water supply, and gradually bringing the gravity simulator to Earth's normal gravitational pull. He continued to train and relied entirely on bottled water and packaged rations for nourishment. Empty bottles served for waste, which he tried to keep hidden away in the by-then useless bathroom. As he approached Earth, he packed all his clothing back into his gym bag and divided the huge array of medical supplies he'd acquired during his travels into two large canvas bags.
When Vegeta managed to emerge from the ship, a bit stunned by the hard landing and the uncomfortable realization that he back on Earth for the third time, he coolly looked over the shocked Mrs. Briefs, who'd dropped a tray carrying tea and cake, and defensive, furious Yamcha sprinting from the main house to the backyard.
The scarred warrior dared to approach Vegeta as he descended the staircase, his teeth bared and eyes glimmering with anger. "You have a lot of nerve coming back here! Don't you dare do any harm to Bulma or anybody else here, you bastard!"
The Saiyan jumped off the crooked metal staircase and landed a few inches away. The human was tall and fit, but his body language gave away his terror and an unwillingness to fight. "I've no intention to do any such thing unless provoked, now get out of my way unless you want to have harm done to you, and believe me when I say I know a number of ways to kill you very slowly and painfully."
"Vegeta! There you are!" Bulma approached, dressed in a short striped dress, red vest, trainers, and sporting perhaps the worst hairstyle Vegeta had ever seen in his entire strange life. When Vegeta noticed her face looked youthful and bright, he relaxed slightly but did not turn away from Yamcha. "I don't want any fights, you two! Break it up now!"
Vegeta took it as a cue to turn away from Yamcha, and the moment he turned his back on the warrior and focused on Bulma, he forgot about his desire to punch the scarred human in the face. He looked Bulma up and down, now that they were close, and he felt a strange flutter in his belly. "Um," he cleared his throat, "hello. I've returned."
"I can see that," Bulma titled her head up and narrowed her eyes at the Saiyan, "and to be honest, you absolutely stink. It's unreal how bad you smell. Come on, you need a shower!"
"That'd be nice," Vegeta replied, voice still soft, "I ran into some issues with the water supply on the ship," he followed Bulma and kept his eyes focused on the ground as they went indoors and upstairs, "and had to improvise when it came to hygienic matters."
"Yeah, well, we can take care of that later. Just shower and get settled," Bulma opened the door to the guest room Vegeta had used before. When Vegeta stepped into his bedroom again, his breath caught in his throat and he scanned the space, trying to recall if anything had been changed. The formerly white cotton bedsheets had been replaced with sheets of royal blue, something the Saiyan quite liked. Everything else appeared to have been kept exactly the same.
"Um, so your clothing situation isn't the greatest... you took a lot of t-shirts and what not," Bulma pulled up the blinds and opened the windows, "but we've got some stuff you can wear until your wardrobe can be replaced."
Vegeta moved into the washroom and found a well-stocked shower and clean toilet. He eyed his own reflection with suspicion and watched as Bulma leaned against the door frame to the washroom. She reached into her vest pocket and produced a small vial of a bright orange liquid.
"I managed to synthesize and produce a lot more the anti-bacterial compound you'd given me before you took off. This is a decontaminating gel I want you to wash with- don't worry, it's extremely concentrated. And it smells good. As a matter of fact, Vegeta, those vials of medications and items you gave me have inspired many projects at work... in a weird way, I can't thank you enough."
Something twinged inside Vegeta's chest and he couldn't bear to look at himself or the beautiful human in the mirror. "I need to shower," he rasped, throat tightening as he spoke.
"You sure do, buddy. Leave your clothes and armour outside and I'll wash them, okay? I'll leave some fresh clothes for you as well. One more thing," she smiled, "we're gonna start making some lunch soon, and it just so happens you came back in time for build-your-own-kebabs! Anyway, we'll be on the patio in about half an hour. Enjoy that shower!"
Vegeta rolled his eyes once Bulma had shut the washroom door. He removed his armour and clothing, flexed in front of the mirror, and confirmed that he really did look and smell disgusting. He tossed everything into a laundry basket, put it outside his washroom, and stepped into his shower.
The Saiyan watched with a bit of amazement and plenty of disgust as a trail of grey water ran from his toes to the drain. He used a generous amount of the gel Bulma had provided him and was quite pleasantly surprised to find out Bulma's formula of the decontaminating wash smelled good. He couldn't remember what they called it... lemon? Orange? The humans had so many different kinds of fruit, and he could remember enjoying all of the types he'd sampled last time...
He moved on to thoroughly washing his hair, using a bright green gel that smelled quite fresh and of mint (although the Saiyan didn't know what mint was at that time) and scrubbing his scalp until it nearly hurt. The water was hot and didn't show any signs of letting up, so Vegeta took the time to wash his face and every part of his body. After thirty of the most pleasurable minutes he'd experienced in more than two months, Vegeta rinsed off for a final time, shut the taps, and proceeded to wrap himself in a large, soft towel and move directly into his bedroom, collapsing onto his bed.
The warm breeze drying his skin felt incredible. The bedsheets and blankets were soft, and the room smelled good. Vegeta caught the scent of meat on a grill and his stomach rumbled. Real food, he thought, real fucking food!
As he moved off the bed and started to examine the pink button-up shirt and canary yellow trousers Bulma had left for him, upper lip curled over his teeth with complete disgust, an awful chill run up his spine and he sensed two truly sickening, dark powers approaching.
It can't be, he swallowed, Frieza's dead! I'm just getting one of my panic attacks. A cold drop of sweat rolled down his back. He forced himself to dress and moved downstairs to the patio, remembering the layout of the house quite well, and yelled as he came onto the patio, "what is this?! Why would you expect me to wear these colours? I look like... I look like something out of your mother's garden, Bulma!"
He hadn't noticed the script on the back, and was furious when Bulma, Yamcha, and the one called Krillin chuckled at the word "BADMAN" on the back of his shirt. None of the humans took Vegeta's anger too seriously and Bulma even laughed openly at his outfit, much to the Saiyan's displeasure, but the desire for good food was stronger than his mood so Vegeta quietly took a seat at the end of the table, leaving a space between himself and Yamcha.
"What do you want on your first kebab, Vegeta? We've got lots of marinated lamb, potatoes, onions, peppers, and mushrooms!"
"Surprise me," Vegeta said, distracted by the pig-man that offered him something to drink. He had sips of something called iced tea and the smell of lamb and potato over flame amplified his hunger to a critical level. The terrible feeling of two dark energies continued to ping somewhere in that unusual sixth sense he'd developed since his first landing on Earth.
He could only manage a few bites of his kebab as the energies grew even stronger.
Laying stomach-down on his bed, Vegeta tried to process his first day on Earth. After a hard landing (to put it lightly) and near fight with one of the human warriors, Vegeta had sensed the arrival of Frieza and his father, and after a dreadful race to meet the aliens, the Saiyan had then witnessed a supposed mystery Super Saiyan and the return of Kakarot.
His head was spinning. It had all been too much for one day, and now at eleven thirty in the evening, the Saiyan tried desperately to slow his thoughts, wishing for proper sleep in a clean, comfortable bed. He'd convinced Bulma to let him retrieve his things from the ship in the morning, arguing that the ship was unstable after its hard landing and that he didn't want anybody else touching his things anyway.
In three years time, a pair of killer androids were set to kill him. The so-called Super Saiyan had left them with a dire warning to start preparing for the looming threat, and Vegeta had readily accepted the challenge. He would ascend to the next level within the next three years, Kakarot and the purple-haired kid be damned.
"That kid didn't know what he was talking about," Vegeta muttered to himself and rolled onto his side, "he doesn't know a damn thing about me..."
A knock at the door. Vegeta gruffly told them to come in and make it quick. When Mrs. Briefs entered, carrying a mug of tea, some snacks, and a slim vase holding three daises on a tray, Vegeta felt his face redden slightly. He got onto his feet and watched Mrs. Briefs move into his room.
"Can I be honest, Vegeta?" Mrs. Briefs set the tray on Vegeta's desk and continued on before Vegeta could reply, "that outfit just doesn't work on you, sweetheart... but Bulma got a real kick out of that shirt and wanted to give it to you as a gift... don't worry, I'm going to take your measurements tomorrow morning and will pick up some new things for you to wear. You look like you lost quite a bit of weight during your travels... did you have a good time?"
"No," Vegeta took the sandwich off the tray and took a small bite.
"I'm sorry to hear that, honey. It was certainly quieter around here when you weren't around! Please, stay longer this time. We missed you! Breakfast is at eight. If you come down early, I'll get you the first cup of coffee from the percolator and we can get you measured before anybody else comes downstairs. Good night, sweetie!" Mrs. Briefs kindly patted Vegeta on the shoulder before leaving and shutting the door behind her.
So this is my life now, thought Vegeta, stranded again on a planet of weaklings, still not a Super Saiyan, and new battles looming on the horizon...
To Be Continued