Human Hospitality
by scoutergreen
Chapter 32
Too Good, Too Nice
The sky turned light and Vegeta awoke naturally, momentarily forgetting where he was until the lingering smell of the shampoo he'd used the night before reminded him he was back on Earth once again.
He heard soft footsteps pass his door and guessed it was Mrs. Briefs on her way downstairs to the kitchen. Taking his time, Vegeta stretched and yawned, looked himself over in the mirror, and decided that the grey sweatpants, single pair of briefs, and a white undershirt he'd found in his set of drawers would have to do until the Briefs matriarch made good on her promise to bring him more clothing. He couldn't find the sandals he'd worn the last time on Earth and was unwilling to wear his boots.
Vegeta made his way downstairs a few minutes after Mrs. Briefs had, and he found her scooping fresh coffee beans into an electric grinder while humming a cheerful tune. "Good morning!" She turned on the grinder and seconds later the Saiyan caught the scent of coffee. Oh, how he'd missed that restoring drink, and he had never dreamed he'd experience a terrible headache when he first went without it for more than twenty four hours.
He took a seat at the table and his gaze shifted to the garden outside. There were thousands of flowers in a rainbow of colours in bloom, on the trees, in raised beds, and in pots on the patio. It was all so serene and beautiful, Vegeta had to ask himself if it was all real. It was all far too good for him.
"Come on, you! I need you to stand up so I can take your measurements!" Mrs. Briefs had started the percolator and produced a measuring tape from a drawer. Snapping out of his daydream, Vegeta approached her and allowed the woman to take his measurements, face burning when she knelt on the floor and measured his inseam. She measured him twice and recorded all the numbers, set her notepad on the counter, and took the time to pour two mugs of coffee and fetch cream from the refrigerator. Vegeta wasted no time in adding some cream and daring to take a sip of the steaming liquid.
"Mmm..." his lips curled up in a small smile when the taste registered, "alright, human, you've got me. I really missed this drink called coffee during my journey."
Mrs. Briefs managed a light laugh, a bit uncomfortable by Vegeta's reminder that he wasn't human. "Is that so? You know, it's still awfully early. I'm glad there's another early riser for a change! Everybody else won't be up for at least another hour... would you be willing to give me a bit of help outside, honey? It won't take more than twenty minutes, and you can bring your coffee with you."
She can't be serious, Vegeta asked himself as he struggled to maintain a composed facade, what is with this woman? Why is she always being so nice to me like this? It's weird. She must want to take advantage of me. That's it! She's trying to catch me off guard! ...I must watch her carefully and take this time to observe her. Get to know these humans a bit better so they can't trick me.
"Fine," Vegeta took another sip of coffee and followed the matriarch outside into the garden. He watched warily as she donned a pair of gardening gloves and a carried set of shears, and when Mrs. Briefs handed the Saiyan a flat wicker basket he physically recoiled and shook his head, "there's no way I'm carrying that thing!"
"Some of the flowers I'm cutting have thorns, Vegeta. You don't want to prick yourself!"
"Forget it. I'm not carrying that stupid basket and I'm not carrying your damn flowers either," the Saiyan sneered at Mrs. Briefs and turned on his heel, returning to the patio and plunking himself into a chair to finish his coffee. Why would I even agree to participate in something so ridiculous, he asked himself, I must not be thinking right! Maybe that landing did some damage...
He's certainly a moody one, thought Mrs. Briefs as she watched her guest take a seat at the table with his back slightly turned to her, and he didn't seem to achieve what he wanted after taking off for so long... guess we're all going to be encountering some mood swings for a while. Think... what would settle this? I think he wasn't very amused by the clothing situation yesterday. He seems like he'd be sensitive. ...maybe...oh, that's a great idea!
The family matriarch cut roses, daisies, peonies, coneflowers, and a half dozen poppies. As she came back up to the patio, Vegeta avoided looking at her and drained his mug of coffee. When she went inside, he waited a few minutes before returning to the kitchen. Damn coffee, Vegeta thought, feeling very bitter, it's forcing me to interact with her! He poured a second mug, added cream, and took a seat at the table. Mrs. Briefs stood at the counter, trimming extra leaves from the flowers she'd cut, and slowly arranged them in a heavy glass vase.
"Do you have a favourite colour or some colour preferences, Vegeta?"
"Blue. Black, dark green, grey. Dark colours. Only red and blue should be vibrant," he paused to take a sip of coffee and realized she was trying to learn about what kind of clothing he preferred, "and nothing extremely loose or stiff. I need clothing that can move with me."
"You got it. Just between you and me, I think Bulma should have found some better clothes for you," the older woman brought the flower arrangement to the table and set it in the centre, stepping back to check her work, "she tends to buy things with herself in mind."
The Saiyan laughed into his coffee. Why did she have to be so nice? He excused himself and went back outside, barefoot and still reeling from the past twenty four hours, and made his way to the ship. Vegeta opted to slowly fly into the ship and made his way into the living area with his feet several inches off the ground. He found his gym bag filled with old clothing, his ghost cards, the vials of drugs, swung it over his shoulder, and took the time to find the bags filled with all the medical supplies he'd collected during his trip. The reality of living on Earth for the next few years also meant there was a significant chance he'd fall ill at some time, and Vegeta did not want to leave himself entirely in the hands of human medicine.
It took ten minutes in total for Vegeta to collect the most important things from the ship. While inside he realized very quickly that the inside of the ship absolutely stank, and he decided it wouldn't hurt to give the Bulma and her father the courtesy of a warning and to proceed with caution.
He brought everything inside and went upstairs as quickly as possible without actually running or flying and put the bags of medical supplies at the very back of the closet. With his gym bag, he chose to place it on the desk and quickly sort through the contents. The clothing, by then worn out and sweat-stained, he tossed into a pile on the floor so he could dispose of it later. He took the ghost cards and vials of drugs and put them in a small drawer in his desk. While searching through the bag, Vegeta also found the few pieces of jewelry he hadn't parted with during his travels, and opted to put this in the drawer with his other small items.
When he finally returned to the kitchen, he found Bulma and Yamcha sitting together at the table, a very groggy Krillin pouring himself a cup of coffee, and Mrs. Briefs putting the finishing touches on an incredible spread she'd somehow prepared in the time he'd been gone.
"Have a seat, sweetie!"
"Sweetie?" Yamcha looked to Bulma with a raised brow and mouthed the word. The engineer only shrugged. Krillin slowly approached the table and took a seat across from Yamcha's, which meant Vegeta had to take the seat next to Bulma's.
Vegeta demanded another cup of coffee, and Krillin automatically rose from his seat and went to satisfy the Saiyan's request before he had time to express his displeasure. Vegeta took the mug from Krillin's hands with a grunt and returned his attention to the growing collection of dishes appearing on the table. There were huge serving dishes of pancakes, sausages and bacon, fried eggs, oatmeal, cold cereals, pastries, fresh fruit, toasted bread, jars of jam, peanut butter, and honey, containers of yogurt, pitchers of milk, orange juice, and mineral water, and a massive bowl of glistening fruit salad.
"You. Serve me," Vegeta passed his plate to Krillin without so much as acknowledging the man, "give me everything good."
"Ummm..." Krillin began to transfer slices of hot bacon and sausage links onto the plate, taking stock of everything on the table, "not all of these foods go on this kind of plate..."
"So? I gave you a plate, now fill it!"
"Well, uh, it's just... just give me your different dishes when I ask, and I'll serve you?" Krillin stopped putting pancakes on the plate and eyed the Saiyan, utterly terrified by what was happening.
"Fine. Just hurry up, I'm hungry!"
"Okay, okay! Jeez!" Krillin completed Vegeta's plate with six pancakes, eight slices of bacon, eight sausages, four fried eggs, and nervously passed it to the Saiyan using both hands, convinced his trembling would cause him to drop everything.
"Now, uh, give me that bowl and that smaller plate... do you want oatmeal or cold cereal?"
"Whichever provides more energy," Vegeta spat at Krillin. Finally, Bulma audibly cleared her throat and frowned at Vegeta with disapproval. Not in here, she warned him with her eyes. Rolling his eyes, Vegeta leaned back in his seat and started to eat what was already on his largest plate.
The rest of breakfast went a bit more smoothly once Vegeta had something to eat. He wound up eating a lot of everything, leaving only enough strawberry jam and honey for somebody to make a few sandwiches should they feel peckish at a later hour.
In the mid-afternoon, Vegeta wandered over to Bulma's lab after taking an extended nap. Seated at her desk with a huge stack of papers held together with paperclips and clamps, she was so focused on her work that she didn't even notice the Saiyan approaching until he'd cleared his throat.
"Hey!" She jumped in her chair, still unused to seeing the Saiyan in the flesh after he'd been gone for so many months, "what's up? My Mom should be back in a few hours. I know there's not a ton for you to do here today... been holding up alright?"
"Mm," he shrugged and leaned against her desk, "I took a nap. Human beds are comfortable. Actually, I came here to discuss some of the issues the ship experienced..."
"Would you mind holding all your thoughts until tomorrow? I want my Dad to hear all this too, but he won't be back until late tonight. To be honest, we're going to scrap that ship entirely. We've already started on the hull for a third generation ship and all your input would be a huge help."
"That's fine. By the way, I didn't shower for several weeks because all the water started to smell bad and looked contaminated. The entire ship smells awful. During my stops I collected bottled water because I knew something like that would happen eventually."
"Holy crap, Vegeta. That's disgusting. I'm going to take a close look at the plumbing and water recycling and purification systems on board now... thanks for telling me. Something went wrong, really wrong. I'm sorry about that happened to you, and I'm glad you had some alternate source of water on-board."
The Saiyan shrugged, "quit with the apology. It's happened to me before, to be perfectly honest. Transit ships tend to be pretty filthy places no matter what. How long will it be before you have another gravity simulator up and running for me?"
There was several seconds of tense silence. Bulma wanted to give herself a generous window of time to work with, but knew that Vegeta would grow impatient and upset if faced with the possibility of a long wait, and she did not wish to witness his vile temper.
"Um," she looked up at the ceiling and pursed her lips, "anywhere from two weeks to a month. And that's assuming my Dad and I work on it together for fifty hours per week at the very minimum. We're designing a gravity simulator that can go over one hundred times Earth's gravity right now- trust me, it'll be worth the wait. We have some of the hull developed and the simulator's on the way, but there's much more to do. You're welcome to watch when it's safe for you to do so. I'll let you know."
"Very well. What facilities will you provide me in the meantime?"
"We have a deep indoor swimming pool on-site, plus the home gym was upgraded when you were gone. We have new weight machines and free weights for you to use, plus running trails, treadmills, and wall-climbing equipment. Um... my Mom wanted me to tell you that you're free to join her for morning yoga..." Bulma struggled not to laugh.
"For morning what?"
"It's a form of exercise that's very good for flexibility and has some mental health benefits. Many martial artists practice some form of yoga."
"Ah," Vegeta shrugged, "whatever, then. Where's your scarface boyfriend gone off to?"
"Ehh, Yamcha has baseball practice. Baseball is a team sport. He plays semi-professionally right now, and is pulling in a little bit of money this way."
"Uh-huh. And baldo?"
"He's left for a place called Kame House, in order to prepare and train for the arrival of the androids."
"It's probably for the better. By the way, why is your hair so hideous now?"
Bulma sucked in her breath through tight lips, eyes flashing with hot anger, and she fought the urge to stand up and slap Vegeta across the face. "It's called a permanent, and I'll have you know that it looks modern and very stylish! How rude!"
"It looks like a cross between spun sugar served on a stick and hair belonging to some kind of annoying, little animal."
"Hang on, you know what cotton candy is?" Bulma nearly forgot she was angry, completely taken aback by Vegeta's casual reference to a confectionery frequently associated with innocence and fun.
Vegeta grunted. "I suppose some things are universal. Look, I'm done here," he straightened his posture and eyed the lab door, "see you whenever."
Arms folded over her chest, Bulma watched the Saiyan leave, and ran her fingers through her hair once he was gone. "Doesn't know what he's talking about..."
True to her word, Mrs. Briefs had gone out and purchased a selection of clothing for Vegeta to wear, and had returned with casual clothing, active-wear, and a few dressy pieces. She'd even purchased him a new set of pyjamas. Almost everything was in darker colours; plenty of greys, navy blue, black, dark brown, maroon, red, and forest green. She'd even purchased footwear- athletic trainers, sandals, and a pair of slip on shoes.
It was all so nice. Too good for somebody like him. Vegeta looked over every item of clothing and took the time to organize everything into different drawers. Although he thought the pink shirt Bulma had given him was absolutely heinous, Vegeta took the time to put it on a hanger in the closet.
"It's a start," he murmured, quite impressed by the older woman's taste, "better than what I had before. I'll get the woman to make me some proper clothing for training and battle since she claims to have figured out how to reproduce PTO-issue armour."
He showered, changed into a pair of soft black sweatpants, a simple white t-shirt, and tried on his new sandals. Somebody had put a television in his bedroom when he'd been away, and it had only taken the Saiyan a minute to look over the controller and determine which buttons he needed to use. For half an hour, he flipped from channel to channel, still bewildered by much of human entertainment. He'd actually enjoyed some of the films that had been added to the ship's entertainment console, but he was very reluctant to tell any of his hosts.
"Humans are weird. They are so weird," the Saiyan shook his head as he watched a commercial for an exercise machine, "and weak."
He turned off the television, carelessly tossed the remote on his bed, and decided it was time to take a swim.
To Be Continued