Author's Note: Thank you all so much for the reviews and positive feedback, I still cannot accurately express how much it means to me. I wish I could update as quickly as I used to but work, as well as a weekend job bar tending, has taken over my life. But I haven't forgotten about you guys. Hopefully I can update more frequently.
With love,
Rae.
Kakashi frowns at the screen.
"I don't see it."
Sakura huffs angrily and points.
"What do you mean you don't see it? You're staring right at it!"
"Raising your voice doesn't help," he adds cheerfully. The kunoichi purses her lips.
"Stupid man."
Dr. Yoshida clears his throat and the two expecting parents stop their bickering and give sheepish smiles to the graying man, Kakashi's eye simply crinkling above the hem of his mask.
"Hatake-san, if I may." A wrinkled finger points to the left hand corner of the ultrasound monitor. The shinobi leans in closer, his hand still trapped in Sakura's. His one gray eye goes wide and he touches a fingertip to where he can finally see his baby amongst the grays and black hues of Sakura's womb.
She waits for him to have a serious, heart wrenching moment as he contemplates the wonder that is fatherhood on a level deeper than before with his child right in front of him.
Kakashi squeezes her hand, still unable to take his eye off the monitor for a few more moments, and then turns to the doctor.
"Is the head supposed to look like that?"
The kunoichi scowls at him, ripping her fingers from his grasp to place them around her growing belly. Anyone would only suspect that Sakura has been putting on a little weight but Kakashi swears that the baby stretches full inches over night. She finds his exaggerations endearing, if not familiar.
But mostly annoying.
Sakura hisses a little as the doctor moves the cold metal of the ultrasound over her abdomen. Dr. Yoshida laughs at the copy ninja's comment, waving it off with an aging hand.
"Yes, yes, it is quite normal. The baby's cranium will even out as it continues to grow." He wanders the tool around her small protruding belly. "Right now, he or she has begun to rapidly develop their organs; the brain, the liver, the central nervous system, and-
"Do they," Kakashi interrupts, swiveling his eye between the older man and the monitor anxiously, "you know, work?"
"Stop asking stupid questions!" she says exasperatedly, taking a swipe at the back of his silver head. He dodges it without even looking.
Dr. Yoshida, still chuckling, pauses right where he wants to.
"Everything works just fine, Hatake-san." He watches Kakashi grow still. "Especially the heart."
The shinobi's fingers blindly grapple for his own chest, trying to make sure that it's not the sound of his own pulse that he hears. A thunderous beat drowns out all other noise, even Sakura's sniffling, and he stares wildly at the screen.
Maybe fatherhood has made him crazy but Kakashi can swear that his heart matches pace with that of his child's. Sakura holds her hand out, a little blindy, as she wipes away her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. He takes it without even looking, gripping onto her fingers with both hands as if she's the only thing that reminds him that this isn't a dream.
"I'm sorry, Sakura." He swallows hard. "I lied to you."
The kunoichi's eyes snap to the back of his head and she glares at him, all the joy and lightness gone from her glowing face. His fingers are suddenly being crushed.
"Lied about what?" she asks between her teeth.
But even though his hand might break beneath hers, Kakashi barely flinches. He watches the steady, rapid climb and fall of the heart monitor.
"Last night I told you that you're laugh was the most beautiful thing I ever heard. Even when you snort."
Sakura blushes as Dr. Yoshida holds back a laugh, hiding her embarrassment with her pink locks.
"I lied," he repeats again.
Kakashi doesn't need to give an explanation. Both Sakura and her doctor look at him with soft eyes as he sits on the edge of her examination table, masked lips brushing the tips of her knuckles absently as he continues to listen, with all his ninja like might, to the loud and overwhelming sound of their child's pulse.
"Your baby is a healthy one, Sakura-san. The heart is strong."
Dr. Yoshida gives a knowing smile in the direction of Kakashi as he turns off the monitor, the sound fading from the room slowly. The copy ninja nearly snaps his head up, the loss of the noise an apparent loss on his masked face.
"He or she will make a fine shinobi one day. Just like the parents," the doctor says proudly as he gets up from his chair. He takes a towel and rubs the cool gel off of Sakura's abdomen so that she may pull down her shirt. She sits up slowly and tangles her fingers in Kakashi's silver hair but he hardly notices.
His one gray eye stares at the blank screen.
"I hope they won't be," he mumbles. Sakura's hand stops from rubbing her fingers into his scalp.
"W-what you do you mean?" Jade eyes narrow with concern and she chews on her bottom lip. But Dr. Yoshida, the mediator that he is, simply chuckles and gives the copy ninja a pat on his shoulder.
"Your father said the same thing when he learned your mother was going to have a son."
The mood of the room changes and his child, for a moment, is forgotten as Kakashi swivels an alarmed eye to the doctor. He asks the question burning in his chest without having to say any words.
Dr. Yoshida nods, giving a nostalgic smile.
"Oh yes, I was a young man back then. Your father still a prominently powerful shinobi."
Sakura slips her hand into Kakashi's, an automatic response to the stimuli of his body shifting beneath his own weight, unsure of where to stand or how to sit. They're crossing into uncharted territory and it always unnerves him.
So he clenches his fingers against hers.
Dr. Yoshida's soft blue irises watch Kakashi fondly for a moment before he goes back to filling out the rest of Sakura's patient file.
"Your mother was rather beautiful. One of my first patients when I moved to the village."
If Sakura isn't mistaken, the right hand side of Kakashi's mouth turns upward, but only slightly.
"But as I was saying," the doctor says cheerfully, handing Sakura another bottle of prenatal vitamins, "your father said the same thing about hoping his son wouldn't be as great of a shinobi as he." The older man taps the edge of his pen to his temple. "A man's natural paternal instinct to protect his child from all the world if he has to."
He scribbles something on a white slip and hands it to Sakura who takes it, a little shakily. In all their time together, Kakashi still hasn't mentioned his father. News of Sakumo Hatake, and ultimately a civilian wife, is ground breaking to her.
And maybe even to him.
"Alright, Sakura-san. I will see you back here in another four weeks!" he smiles at her and Sakura, recovering quickly, grins right back. "And exciting news," he touches a finger to the tip of her nose playfully, "we'll get to find out if you'll be having a boy or girl by then!"
The kunoichi can barely contain her excitement as she hops off of the examination table. Kakashi holds out some cash absently and she takes it from him, kissing his temple before she whisks off to the front desk to pay for her visit.
Dr. Yoshida's gentle smile suddenly falters once they're alone.
"I apologize if I offended you by talking about your father, Hatake-san."
The shinobi holds up a gloved hand to stop him. He gives an eye crinkle, unsure if the older man can tell if he really is smiling or not. But he goes on, a little too eager to high tail it out of there even though he yearns to listen to the sound of his child's heartbeat again.
"It's fine, really. I appreciate your help with Sakura."
The doctor nods but pushes his glasses on top of his head tiredly. Kakashi notices his hair is almost as white as his own.
"Hatake-san, please. You two seem fairly good for each other. It is imperative that you convince her to take her maternity leave from active duty. War has come to Konoha and you are at the center of it all. It is not safe-"
The ninja stands, suddenly towering over the doctor and he closes his mouth softly. Kakashi's eye flashes with something that Dr. Yoshida can't quite name. He bows his head.
"Forgive me, I have spoken out of line."
Kakashi moves to leave but he passes right at the man's shoulder. His gloved hand comes and rests on the stark white lab coat and the doctor visibly sighs with relief.
"I try every day, Yoshida-san. Believe me." The copy ninja gives an almost sad chuckle. "But her Will of Fire burns too great."
"Your child can't make it through war, no matter how strong the heart is," the doctor suddenly snaps. His old lungs take a harsh breath but he quickly recovers and bows his head once again when Kakashi drops his hand from the man's shoulder.
"The Will of Fire that you shinobi are always speaking of does not protect the life growing inside of her." Dr. Yoshida stares darkly at the floor. "I have seen too many kunoichi grieve for the loss of their unborn children." He glances sideways at Kakashi who has suddenly grown too silent.
"She already sacrifices you as the lover of the Commander must do for her country."
Kakashi's jaw tightens beneath his mask.
"How much more will she give for Konoha, Hatake-san?"
A sudden shock of pink pokes it's way through the door. She smiles brightly at the two men who pretend to exchange pleasantries.
He can't help but notice the softness in her jade orbs when she looks at him.
"You're late for training, Commander," she drawls with a smirk. Kakashi gives an eye crinkle in return and waves her away. Sakura giggles and disappears once again.
"Are you going to marry her?" the doctor asks suddenly. The mood shifts to something more pleasant. "You're getting old, Hatake-san. Just look at your hair."
The question startles him but finds that Dr. Yoshida is once again peering up at the shinobi kindly, pleased with his own joke. Kakashi shakes his head, chuckling, and takes a step to leave.
"Thank you, Yoshida-san." The copy ninja's hand hesitates over the door handle like he wants to say more. But the doctor knows he won't.
Kakashi pulls it open and slips out into the hallway where the older man can hear Sakura berating him for just how late he actually is, forcing Yamato to do all the work as always. The shinobi gives a deep voiced reply, a little sullenly, and there's the unmistakable smack of her palm upside his head.
Dr. Yoshida laughs until he hears the bells of the lobby ring with their departure.
"Why is Naruto laying down?" ask Kakashi absently, eyes glued to an Icha Icha book as he strolls up to Tenzou. The younger man glances sideways at the copy ninja.
"Why are you late?" he retorts simply. Although the captain tries to stop it, the corner of his mouth starts to turn up in a smirk as Kakashi sighs, stowing his book away. "Let me guess," he starts, "You got lost on the path of life."
"No, not quite," he mumbles to his almond eyed counterpart, crossing his arms over his chest. Kakashi eyes Naruto who lays on the grass conspicuously, panting heavily while the rest of the battalion warms up for their afternoon training by running laps.
His stature accidentally mimics Yamato but he knows it makes them look the part. The two undeniable pillars of their shinobi force.
"Lady Hokage called me in." His slow, usually flat voice drops to a more serious tone. Yamato raises a single brown eyebrow but doesn't say much else. "They're on the move."
Kakashi watches Akamaru step on the back of Konohamaru's scarf, causing the boy to stumble and fall. His face hits the dirt and Kiba stops to roar with laughter, doubled over.
"How have they not been intercepted until now?" the captain asks sternly. His right hand grips his bicep tightly to avoid a tremor. The copy ninja, in response, sighs tiredly and rubs the back of his silver head.
"The Anbu is stretched thin. Too many enemy camps and headquarters to observe at all times leaves open spaces for Jōmae to slip through," he adds bitterly.
A few moments pass by in silence between the two men.
Tension still permeates the air every once in awhile when she comes around or when someone else mentions her. But Yamato and Kakashi do not dwell.
They have a war to win.
"What they lack in quantity, they make up for with intelligence. The speciality of Jōmae is stealth and secrecy." The captain's blood suddenly runs cold. "The Leaf is smart. But we sometimes rely too much on the strength of our bodies."
"Or the strength of our numbers," Kakashi says, finishing off Yamato's thought. The younger ninja nods, duly noting his companion's tone, an old war veteran's regret laced in his voice.
"How soon?" Tenzou's right hand can't help another twitch. Kakashi looks up at the midday sky.
"Soon enough."
Tenzou mumbles an agreement, about to say something else when Naruto collapses back onto the grass, whining and moaning about how stupid all of this is. He raises a brown eyebrow.
"You better get back up and keep running, Naruto! This is no time to be taking a break!"
The blonde turns his fed up blue eyes to his taichou and hisses back loudly,
"I'm gathering Sage Energy!"
"Oh really?" replies Yamato with a dangerous smirk. "You're breathing too hard to become one with nature, Naruto."
"Then why don't you come out here and run with me, you lazy ass!" the jinchuuriki spits back, scowling at the two jonin. Kakashi gives the boy an eye crinkling smile.
"Because Yamato would run circles around you all day."
Before they know it, Naruto marches up to the two men and practically drags Tenzou out into the training grounds, hollering about how he won't be shown up by somebody who just sits around on the side lines. The brown haired man looks disgustedly back at Kakashi for once again gaining the upper hand and designing this plan from the get go. Probably just to get more reading time.
But Yamato runs too quickly alongside his teammate to notice that Kakashi's eyes aren't moving across the page.
He stares out discreetly as his battalion begins to practice formations that they probably won't even use. The Inuzuka boy and his ninken battle side by side with Konohamaru while Naruto and Sai do a combo attack concerning a winged ink beast and the Rasengan.
Sakura, as always, is missing from the equation. Their teamwork would go smoothly with her but the medical core requires her abilities more than he does.
Kakashi makes mental notes, moving players around on the field like shogi pieces, trying to do something, anything, to quell the ache in the back of his head that seems to be gnawing it's way through to his sharingan which whirls restlessly.
The copy ninja watches Yamato go into a storm of taijutsu with a young Hyuuga chuunin, giving the boy pointers on how to fight if he is unable to use the gentle fist style. Kakashi can't help but think about how useless it is for Tenzou to waste his time.
War is quick. War is fast, and violent. There are no attack plans when it comes down to the dirt, blood and sweat of your body against an enemy.
Formations and laps do not save you from watching the lights dim from the eyes of friend or foe.
Kakashi remembers all too well the way blood feels when it comes running across a child's hands.
"She already sacrifices you as the lover of the Commander must do for her country. How much more does she need to give Konoha?"
Kakashi clenches his jaw.
"How soon?" Tenzou asks, his voice betraying his calm almond gaze.
"Soon enough.
The silver haired jonin closes his eyes after watching Naruto playfully tackle Konohamaru to the ground, grappling and biting each other until the other surrenders. Yamato watches, panting slightly, hands on his hips. The man's lips curl up in a smile and he throws his head back and laughs when the younger ninja completely out maneuvers the hero of the Leaf.
"I am not the Hokage!" he bellows to an unblinking Tsunade. Immediately, Kakashi is ashamed and gives a small bow of apology. But all she does is smile.
"You would've been great."
The copy ninja suddenly stands, squinting out into the sun.
"Yamato! Line 'em up."
The captain nods his head and begins to call out for the battalion to fall in line. Some hustle to their places while others drag their feet, bickering and whining the whole way. It makes Kakashi grit his teeth.
They wait for the Commander to speak as he leans up to his full height, arms crossed against his chest. Yamato joins him, the lighter half of authority to the dark and brooding half that Kakashi holds.
He is the strong hand while Yamato has the strong tongue.
At least, that's how it usually went.
"Some of you have never seen war," Kakashi begins, stepping out in front of Tenzou to pace slowly in front of his battalion. "And even more of you can hardly imagine it."
Kakashi whirls on his heels and points to Kiba.
"Who would you save?"
The Inuzuka sneers up at Kakashi.
"Everyone," he answers simply. The copy ninja gives an eye crinkle but Tenzou chills at it's fakeness. It makes Naruto shift uncomfortably.
"Not what I was looking for, Kiba. Who would you save?" he asks again.
The boy's canines disappear back behind his lips and he frowns at the jonin, the question lost on his tattooed face.
"Make a choice," Kakashi taunts, pointing to his invisible watch. "The clock is ticking."
Kurenai's student looks around nervously, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"This is stupid-"
"No, this is life or death, who would you save?"
"As many as I-"
"Hinata Hyuuga or Konohamaru Sarutobi?"
Kiba's lips break into an inhuman growl.
"Excuse me?" he barks, hands balling into fists. Akamaru raises his haunches with a low rumble.
From somewhere off to the side, Asuma's nephew blanches.
"You heard me. The enemy has cornered the three of you and numbers are no longer on your side. They have your backs pressed up against the wall and with your keen instincts, I know you would be able to smell that victory would be impossible. So, I'll ask you one more time," Kakashi closes the distance between him and the younger man, "Your teammate's life or the young genin who has yet to see as many years as you. Choose one to save." Kakashi leans forward with an eye crinkling smile into Kiba's face who pulls back, horrified.
"I don't-that's not fair!" he stutters.
"They're closing in on you, Kiba. Konohamaru has been pinned down, a kunai to his throat and Hinata is being dragged away. Do you know what happens to some kunoichi in war?"
"How do you expect me to choose?!"
"Time's up!" Kakashi suddenly calls. Kiba flinches back.
"You all die," he says with faux cheerfulness.
Konohamaru bristles at this and clenches his hands into tight fists.
"Kakashi-sensei, it's not okay for you to-"
The jonin whirls on his heel and darts into the battalion's formation, stopping right beside the young Sarutobi who freezes up instantly. He stares straight ahead, refusing to look up at the copy ninja, expecting a scolding.
"Who would you save?"
The genin grits his teeth, suddenly feeling like the scarf is constricting around his neck and he can't breathe.
"I don't hear an answer, Sarutobi. Who would you save?" Still no answer. Kakashi puts a finger to his chin and taps it thoughtfully. "Let me see here…"
Naruto stares pointedly at Yamato to make this stop. But the taichou shakes his head, arms crossed and eyes serious. He intends to let Kakashi make his point, no matter how strong it may come across.
Even if it does hurt.
"Kurenai, the aunt of your cousin, the almost wife of your beloved uncle or Moegi, your teammate?"
The young boy nearly falls over, bewildered eyes burning up into Kakashi's.
"Pick one, Konohamaru." The jonin leans in closer and whispers, just loud enough for everyone nearby to hear, "Or are you not the shinobi that your grandfather taught you to be?"
"That's enough, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto suddenly shouts when his little brother begins to choke back tears.
Kakashi spares no one. He swerves through the crowd and in a flash, he appears before his own student. Naruto's whiskered face stares incredulously at him, mouth tight.
"Leave him alone," the blonde hisses.
"And what about you, Naruto? Hero of the Leaf." Kakashi gives a mocking smile and the jinchuuriki nearly winces. "Let me guess, your answer will be that you'll save everyone again, won't you?" He puts a hand on the boy's shoulder. "But let me break something down for you, Naruto."
Sai, from beside his counterpart, looks away. He frowns.
"You can't save everyone."
"Then I'll die trying!" the blonde bellows, shoving Kakashi's hand off of him.
"Between me and Iruka, who you would save?" Wide azure eyes stare back at him.
The jinchuuriki trembles where he stands.
"That's not fair," he grunts through his teeth.
"I won't be upset if you say Iruka, Naruto."
"Both of you," the boy blurts out desperately.
"The time and circumstance don't allow for two. It's him or me, who do you choose?"
The boy suddenly stops being angry. He pleads.
"Kakashi-sensei, don't make me-"
"Choose, Naruto."
"I can't!"
"Iruka Umino, the first person who ever believed you were worth something, or you sensei? Time is ticking, Naruto."
"Please, I don't want to-"
"I am your Commander and I demand you to choose!"
Naruto reaches out both of his large hands and shoves Kakashi.
"YOU!"
A heavy hush falls over the entire battalion as they watch Naruto shudder beneath his own breaths. He can't look at his sensei.
"I would choose you," Naruto whispers sullenly. Tears threaten his sky blue eyes.
Kakashi watches his student sadly. He didn't think Naruto would pick him. The silver haired jonin resists the urge to pull his student towards him.
An ache grows in his belly.
"Do you understand now?" asks Kakashi in a loud voice as he slowly backs away to stand by Tenzou once again. "Everything you are, everything that you could be, will change with your first step on the battlefield."
He looks out at all of them seriously, making contact with every person he can lay his eyes on. Some watch the ground, too stricken by his words. Others look at him with familiarity. A few nod.
"Destroy them before they destroy you, simple, isn't it?" He almost gives a smile. A veteran's sad turn of the lips. "But I want you to ask yourselves while you practice formations and run laps and complain about the silence from across the border; what price are you willing to pay?"
Kakashi narrows his one gray eye.
"War is not where heroes are born."
There's a profound silence upon all of them. Kakashi, as always, wants desperately to flee but he stands his ground, Tenzou with him. A few moments pass, pregnant with the air of learning something they wish they hadn't. Soon enough, Kiba is the first to break formation and start running again. Akamaru chases at his heels. And one by one, they fall in line after him, silent and burning in the way Kakashi had hoped to achieve.
Once satisfied with their new burst of dedication and rigor, Kakashi turns to leave. He wants to go see Sakura. But something stops him.
He was bred for war. Thrown out into the fray when he was only six. A child born of the blood and rage of battle.
And yet, this time around it feels more foreign than the chaos of fatherhood.
The thought makes his feet switch direction as he heads to the Memorial Stone. Only Minato-sensei can guide him now.
Tenzou watches him from the corner of his almond eye.
"Who would you choose?" he asks in a quiet voice. The tense, nearly clandestine tone is there, lingering on the edge of Yamato's words.
Sometimes, not even war is enough to make them forget.
Kakashi pauses, fingertips brushing over the edges of the newest ultrasound picture nestled in his pocket.
The answer has never been so clear and yet so blurry.
He gives Yamato a lazy wave over his shoulder and flashes away to the only place where no one would dare follow him.
The taichou watches him stride from rooftop to rooftop with a strange tangle in his gut.
There are still questions that need answering.
But as Tenzou watches his battalion continue to rehearse the formations and team line ups that the Commander laid out for them, he can't help but push them aside. Now is not the time to dwell.
It's about surviving the survival.
"Shikamaru?"
"Mmm?" he replies gruffly.
Sakura watches the Nara boy stare intently at the shogi board in front of them.
"Do you love Ino?"
His entire body, along with his brain, stutters and he looks up at her, jaw slack. Cheeks go red and he tries to regain his composure, clearing his suddenly dry throat.
"What're you talking about, cherry?" he mumbles, trying to wave off the question by pretending to go back to studying the pieces in front of him. The sun sets on the Nara estate and Yoshino-san and Shikaku talk quietly amongst themselves in the kitchen, down the hall.
Shikamaru's handsome tan face is painted in orange and dusk. He scowls at his hand hovering over a pawn but he's not really looking at it.
He chews over his next words and Sakura waits patiently, as she always does.
"How do you define love? Personally speaking," he finally says after a few long minutes. She searches his dark golden brown eyes. There is no lazy smirk, no double edged sword to his words. It's a sincere question. And he waits for her answer.
Sakura slaps a knight down into it's place.
"It's a flame," she suddenly says. "Bright, consuming. Until there's nothing left of who you used to be, only who you are with that person."
Shikamaru waves this answer away nonchalantly.
"That's too permanent."
"Shouldn't it be that way?"
"Does it have to? You of all people should know that love is sometimes fleeting."
He don't say his name. Shikamaru finally moves his pawn while an old ache causes a twitch on the corner of his mouth.
"Sasuke was too cold to catch fire."
Sakura slips a lance over to the left. Shikamaru captures it.
"Do you think Ino is a flame?"
Sakura looks up and sees him staring back already. He doesn't say it outright. But it's there, lingering off the edge of his lips. It's the only way he can answer her question truthfully without compromising himself. And Sakura takes it gratefully.
He suddenly looks too much like his father. Speaks like an echo of the mighty Shikaku.
"No." Sakura listens to Yoshino-san berate her husband for forgetting to buy milk. "Ino is a bloom." Her pink lips tilt up, almost slyly. "Unfurling little by little because the cloud finally decided to stop raining on her."
The boy says nothing. But his eyes smile in a way that is too rare for Sakura to let go of just yet. She watches him hesitate over his bishop although he is no longer thinking of shogi.
"What's your definition of love, Sakura?" he asks again.
The kunoichi watches as the sun begins to cast shadows on his cheeks. They seem to dip and blend into Shikamaru's skin until they're one and the same.
"How do you breathe properly if they were to ever stop?"
Charcoal eyes tick behind her eyelids, counting down the moments until she can consume all of him once again when the door is locked and the world is only Kakashi, Sakura, and a life yet to be.
Shikamaru seems to be satisfied with this answer. He hums an agreement and takes her rook.
"After he died, I used to catch Kurenai-sensei clutching at her chest as if her lungs just decided to stop working." His name also goes unsaid but Sakura doesn't need to hear it. She never does. "But then their son was born and it was like she didn't have to know how to breathe anymore; the boy does it for her."
"And then the cycle begins again," she adds, moving her general to keep it from danger. Shikamaru's spiky head bobs in a nod as he strokes his chin, thinking.
Here, he looks too much like Asuma.
A few minutes go by and the scent of dinner wafts from the kitchen, the sun sinking lower down behind the trees of the Nara estate. She barely notices Shikaku slipping by to light the lanterns positioned on the ledges of the roof to illuminate the outdoor halls of his home. He doesn't speak and neither do they. But it's a warm silence. A welcoming one.
Sakura remembers why she visits so often nowadays. If there is one place in Konoha that would not judge her, it would be here.
"Shikamaru?"
"Mmm?"
She captures his pawn. A smirk plays on the edge of his mouth.
"Can you love two people at the same time?"
He doesn't miss a beat.
"You love Naruto and Sasuke at the same time, don't you?"
His name is beginning to taste foriegn on their tongues. He conveniently forgets to let it show.
"That's not what I mean."
Shikamaru arches a dark eyebrow at her without looking up. He moves his gold general next to his silver general, a barrier between the enemy and the King.
"Two flames at the same time, hmm?" he muses.
Sakura studies his formation and frowns, baffled. The Nara boy gives a sigh and rubs the back of his head.
"Most people think love is a straight line. From point A," Sakura slaps her piece down, "to point B," he snakes another in between her defenses, "and then the long stretch home."
"You don't think so?" She takes another pawn.
He retaliates and takes her silver general in return.
"Nothing is ever a straight line, cherry."
And to prove his point, within the next minute, Shikamaru has captured her King.
Sakura stares down at the silver and gold general, standing familiarly side by side. Her companion watches her closely.
"How do you know which piece to sacrifice?"
He gets the feeling that she's no longer talking about shogi.
"What price are you willing to pay?"
His words send shivers up her spine. But before she can reply, the door to the kitchen slides open. He leans against the frame, arms crossed. Shikaku jerks his head to the side, motioning for his son, silently as always, to come inside for dinner.
"You're welcome to stay, Sakura," says the patriarch, eyeing his son as he gets up lazily and stretches. Shikamaru offers her a hand and she takes it, letting him pull her up off the floor. "The boy will be more than willing to walk you home."
A mumble about troublesome things goes almost unnoticed as Shikamaru stuffs his hands in his pockets, ducking under his father's outstretched arm that leans lazily against the doorframe. Her friend disappears into the kitchen without another word.
Sakura and Shikamaru have a tendency to have ongoing conversations that never really call for goodbyes. Just as she's about to follow him inside, she stops.
She feels his chakra before she sees him.
Kakashi comes slouching out of the shadows of the Nara estate. He looks up at the slightly elevated platform of the house from his place on the grass and nods to Shikaku. The silver haired jonin hands him a few files which the older man tucks under his arm without glancing at them.
"You're welcome to stay for dinner as well, Kakashi." Shikaku's scarred face watches him closely, a hint of a smirk on his lips when the younger jonin ponders this seriously.
"As enticing as your wife's cooking is, as well as a round of shogi, I have to decline."
The Head of the Nara clan chuckles.
"Take Sakura with you. My son is impolite and refused to asked her to stay. Probably has a date with Ino later."
From inside, Shikamaru gives an sharp 'Dad!' and Shikaku smirks. He nods to Kakashi and gives a slight smile to Sakura before disappearing back into the kitchen.
The copy ninja reaches a hand out to help Sakura down onto the grass. His fingers linger on hers but they wait until Sakura has collected her sandals from the front of the Nara residence and they're a good distance away before intertwining their hands.
"I missed you," she exhales. Kakashi raises a silver eyebrow.
But he hums his agreement and she walks closer beside him, no doubt stealing his warmth as they trek on through the chilly January air. At some point, after Sakura becomes lost in recalling her latest discussion with Shikamaru, Kakashi had thrown a heavy arm over her shoulders when she started to shiver. She leans into his side thankfully and they carry on in silence.
The two of them are happy to just listen to the other breathe.
They take their time heading back to the village. Once they reach it, they have to distance themselves from the other and pretend for the sake of the rest of Konoha that they're not dying to touch again.
The secrecy is exhausting and it shows on Kakashi's one gray eye as they mingle amongst the nightlife flowing through the streets. Sakura watches the neon lights overhead project different shades of color onto his silver hair and she notices the dark rim beneath the single orb. She wants to trace it with her finger, to smudge it away as if it was simply dust but she keeps her hands swinging at her sides.
And it exhausts her as well.
"Have you eaten?" he finally asks.
Sakura shakes her pink head. Without another word, they swerve over to pick up some Bento Boxes from the store a block down from Kakashi's apartment, a personal favorite that has been carried on to Sakura considering it's one of the only foods that don't make her sick.
She waits patiently outside while he goes in, knowing her preferences as easily as his own, and doesn't take long before they're trekking home. The bag swings easily from his left hand.
Soon enough, they climb the stairs to Kakashi's apartment. Sakura leads the way in and he follows suit, slipping out of their sandals simultaneously.
She sets the table for them to eat, laying out the newspaper next to his Bento Box, and waits for him to come out from removing all his clothes except his pants. Sakura smiles softly at his exposed face, watching the distracted clench of his jaw as he thinks about something. But then it relaxes when he sees her and he smiles lightly back.
A strong, callused hand comes down on her hair and ruffles it as he passes by to take his seat across from her.
Still, the two say nothing as they eat dinner. Sakura reads the discarded sections of his paper once he's through with them and rather routinely, once they're finished, Kakashi throws away the trash and sets the dishes in the sink. When he comes back, rolling his sore left shoulder in it's socket, he smiles at Sakura curled up on the couch, a magazine in her lap.
He goes and sits next to her and immediately, without even looking up, she curls into his lap. Kakashi plants his lips against her neck softly, glancing down at her reading material. The copy nin can't help but chuckle against her collarbone.
"A little early to be thinking about nursery colors, isn't it?" he muses.
"It's never too early." Sakura flips the page easily. He studies it and then wrinkles his nose, a reaction she never knew he had until the mask finally came off all those months ago.
"Too much pink," he sighs.
"My hair is pink," she points out as if he's forgotten. Kakashi's finger curl up into her locks and he hums an approval. Her skin grows hot where he touches it.
"We could still have a boy, you know."
"Maybe," is all she says in return. He chuckles as he kisses behind her ear.
"We'll need to start saving some money so we can get a bigger place. " The page turns and Sakura smiles at the pink and green accented combination. But she immediately stops when she feels Kakashi go rigid against her. She turns her head to the side and watches him from the corner of her eye. He relaxes, or at least pretends to, and gives an eye crinkle.
Sakura frowns at it's ingenuity.
"Good idea." He pulls her closer but his voice is tight. His hands drift over her little bump of an abdomen thoughtfully and Sakura's dull pink eyebrows furrow.
"Is something wrong?"
The question hangs between them heavily. Kakashi suddenly wishes for their earlier silence.
"No, not at all."
He ducks down and leans his forehead against her shoulder. Sakura gives a half-hearted smirk and turns around in his lap so that she can face him. Kakashi leans his head back and looks up into her eyes as she kneels over him. Her fingers linger on his jaw.
"You're lying," she simply states. The copy nin lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and shakes his head.
"It's nothing, Sakura. You worry too mu-"
She interrupts him by tilting his chin back farther. Jade searches charcoal and she bites her lip.
"I thought we were finished keeping secrets, Kakashi."
They stare at each other, his hands snaking around Sakura's waist slowly, while she refuses to let him off the hook. He tries to keep his face steady, to not give anything away but he pulls her closer a little too needingly.
"I have an inheritance from my father."
He doesn't continue but the curiosity burning in Sakura's eyes makes him keep going, despite the dread in his stomach asking him not to. Kakashi clears his suddenly dry throat.
"A rather large inheritance complete with the Hatake estate down towards the southern hills."
She looks at him, confused. A small, disbelieving laugh escapes her pretty lips. Heat starts to creep up Kakashi's neck and he wishes he could shove the words back into his mouth.
"Then why do you live in this little apartment if you have the entire estate to yourself?"
His gray eyes harden and Sakura regrets asking that. She feels silly and her fingers tighten into the taut skin of his shoulders.
"Could you live alone in your parent's house if they died, Sakura?"
Something inside of her tightens uneasily, refusing to think about the answer to that questions. She brings him forward by the nape of his burning neck and she touches his forehead to hers.
"I'm sorry," she whispers, "That was stupid of me."
Kakashi closes his eyes and breathes in her natural jasmine scent that likes to mingle with the pomegranate perfume of her shampoo. His fingers curl up in her soft locks and they stay like that for a few moments.
"If something were to happen," he explains slowly, "I've left all of it to the both of you. The money and the Hatake estate." Sakura's emerald gaze snaps open. "My will is in the last drawer of the right hand side of my desk."
Kakashi keeps his forehead to hers but stares down at the space where his child is growing so that he doesn't have to look her in the face. He can feel the shift in her body, the desire to flee mixed with the uncanny need to stay.
"Why are you telling me this?" she whispers shakily into his ear. His strong hand comes up and holds her face gently. His thumb strokes her delicate cheekbone. For some reason, his lungs have forgotten how to work.
So he steals the breath from Sakura and kisses her slowly. The girl wraps her arms around his neck and melts into him as he lingers his lips with hers. Sakura moves her mouth against his more quickly, fingers tugging at soft silver hair while his hands travel under her shirt and up the bare skin of her back.
Fire burns too hotly inside them both.
She suddenly pulls away, panting. Sad jade eyes watch him and Kakashi sighs when he notices the expression twitching on the lips he was just kissing.
"I don't want to argue tonight, Sakura." His voice is soft, almost pleading.
"Do you think you might die out there?"
Both his mismatched eyes swivel to hers. She shivers under the gaze of the sharingan that always seems to look too deeply into her.
It reminds her of childish things and missions in far away lands when her hair was long.
"You're a shinobi. The answer is clear."
"Don't lecture me, Kakashi."
Her words aren't sharp. The edges are softened by something that he can't quite put a name to. However, as always, her eyes are there to guide him where words cannot.
His lips quirk up sadly. "You know that my face is in every Bingo Book outside of the Land of Fire. Word has most likely already spread that I am the Commander of the Leaf's Shinobi Force." His voice make her tremble lightly and he pulls her closer. "They'll be looking for me the moment that I step on the battlefield."
His hand drifts down to cover the place where his child grows.
Tenzou's voice suddenly echoes back to Kakashi as he watches the severity of his words cut into his kunoichi until her eyes water.
"Who would you choose, Kakashi?
What price are you willing to pay?"
The copy nin rattles as the Will of Fire, the duty and honor of serving his country, tries to consume the flame that Sakura and their unborn child have sparked down in his core.
Kakashi has never been more willing, and yet more hesitant, to die for the village.
"She already sacrifices you as the lover of the Commander must do for her country. How much more will she give for Konoha, Hatake-san?"
His hands cup Sakura's face as she chews nervously on her lower lip.
"I want you and the baby to be taken care of. Even if I'm not around to do it myself."
"Stop talking like that, Kakashi." Her voice breaks and something else inside him does as well.
Her heart beats wildly against his bare chest and Kakashi realizes that she isn't close enough. There's still too much space between them.
"Please," he adds in a low voice. "I am not the invincible sensei that you three once thought I was." Kakashi leans in and mumbles against her trembling lower lip. "If anything happens to me, take the money and the house and keep living."
His thumbs stroke away the wetness from her eyes.
"Besides, you're just not made to be the grieving widow type forever."
Sakura half laughs and half sobs, throwing herself flush against him to crash their lips together. Kakashi crawls ontop of her, pressing her small back into the cushions of the couch, and his mouth burns her name across her collarbone. And still, the space between them is not closed. Hands burn across warm skin and limbs entangle together on the couch, clawing at the distance between them until there's nothing but a trail of clothing left behind in their wake, all the way to the bedroom.
The gap between them finally closes when he takes his place between her thighs, the shiver of his skin against hers unparalleled to anything he has ever known in his twenty-nine years. Sakura whimpers beneath him and Kakashi captures it, holding it in his mouth while he tells her he loves her in one of the only ways that he can.
He makes it.
Sakura falls over the edge, his name crumbling from pink lips. Her hands slip along his shoulders, the muscles there coated in a sheen of sweat, a violent shudder ripping through him as he throws his head back. Delicate fingers curl up in his silver hair and he tries to bury himself in the scent of jasmine, pomegranate and something a little more feral. He collapses back onto her in a trembling heap.
She pants against his ear and it sends warmth down into his core and lets it simmer.
"Kakashi?" she mewls.
They lay against the sheets and teach other how to breathe again.
"Mmm?"
"I think it's time to tell Lady Tsunade."
He leans up on his elbows and looks down at her, frowning slightly.
"The whole village will know by sundown."
Sakura captures him in all of her limbs. Kakashi willingly obliges and holds her. He traces the slight bumps and ridges of her spine.
"I'm tired of hiding," is all she mumbles as she drifts off to sleep. He can feel her heartbeat slow against his ribs.
Kakashi shuts his eyes softly after the sharingan whirls and clicks this memory away into storage. One hand blindly reaches for the covers as he nestles down into her.
"So am I, Sakura," he whispers into the sudden stillness of their bedroom. "So am I."
The raised bump of her abdomen settles against the flat plane of his own, the fact that there is life growing between them a mesmerizing thought as sleep begins to take him as well.