I will not be made useless
I won't be idled with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small, I know,
But they're not yours they are my own
But they're not yours they are my own
And I am never broken

Jewel - Hands (edited)

"Good to see you're goin, brother. It'll help. It can't hurt."

Rick nodded his head at what Shane said. Jessie, the new office clerk, gave him a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book and he glanced through it, reading a few passages. He knew he needed to move on and live again.

It was early evening when he pulled his cruiser into the parking lot of the appropriately named "Our Lady of Hope" Catholic church. He heard a distant rumble of thunder when he opened the door and headed into the building. He avoided this place. The last time he was here was for the triple funeral of Lori, Carl and baby Judy. There was just one urn. Lori loved her children…their children so much she wouldn't be able to be apart from them. They were cremated and put in the urn with pink flowers, the one that Katie, Rick's only sister, picked out for him while he was consumed with grief.

He stood in the lobby, and looked down the aisle. The same aisle in which Lori was escorted down by her father on their wedding day. Then the same aisle that held her father's casket one year later. Lung cancer. Just months after Rick's life unofficially ended, Lori's mother had her funeral service in the same church.

So many memories. He had to step outside to get some fresh air, and was about to make a run for it when a tall, muscular, man said "Evening, officer. You checkin' us out? Hope you stay. The first night is always the worst."

Just as the first drops of cold rain started to fall, Rick nodded his head and went back into the church. The man extended his hand, and introduced himself as Tyreese Williams. He runs the group.

"From the look of the parkin' lot we got a full house. Stick around. It'll get better."

He followed Tyreese through the lobby and down the steps to the basement. He had to close his eyes when he passed a small coat closet. The evening of the rehearsal dinner they slipped away and did some very unchristian-like things in the closet before rejoining their families.

Ty held the door opened for him as they walked into a larger room where about thirty people sat around. He could smell fresh coffee and saw people milling around. Rick wanted the floor to rip open and swallow him.
He took a seat far away from everyone, and once everyone settled Ty stood up and started speaking.

"Hi everyone. Welcome to the overcoming grief support group. My name is Tyreese, you can call me Ty. I know we have a few new faces, so I'll be quick with the rules. First names only, share only what you want. We're all here for a reason, and that's to help each other. I'll start. For those who don't know me, I lost my sister, Sasha, to a domestic violence incident about three years ago. She was my twin. Our parents are dead, and she was the only blood family member I had. The guy who beat her was her boyfriend, and Bob will spend the rest of his life in prison. My wife, Andrea, has been my rock through this hell. I'm here to tell you that it is possible to get through this. Anyone want to share?" He asked before sitting down.

A rail thin woman with grey hair stood up and said that her name is Carol, and husband killed their daughter and tried to kill her before he committed suicide.

A man stood up, told everyone his name is Jim, and his two sons and wife were killed in a house fire. It was one week before Christmas, and he had to pull overtime as a mechanic to pay for the new big screen TV he bought for his sons. It was past midnight and he had just finished repairing a transmission when he heard a nonstop cacophony of fire engines. His wife left the tree lights plugged in overnight. She always loved waking up to a lit up tree. The Christmas lights were her mother's, and since Cindy was sentimental, she wanted to use them. They were old, and one spark on an unattended tree set off a blaze that tore through the house. They were all gone. It took minutes.

The group spent time talking to Carol and Jim, listening as they poured out their emotions.

Two hours went by when a young woman stood up. She was with a small child who had fallen asleep on one of the metal chairs. The blonde said her name was Beth. Her bottom lip quivered when she said that three years ago she was hanging out with friends, and was out way past curfew. She didn't have her cell phone on, and her parents were worried. They called her older sister, Maggie, to come over and drive them around to the places they knew she would often visit. Maggie was a single mom of a one year old girl. Her parents, sister and niece drove around during the night, looking for her. A man, who was over three times the legal limit, crossed the double yellow line and collided with them head on. The only person who survived was her niece. She went from being twenty one, and living at home with her parents to being all alone and being a mother to her sister's child. She has to balance managing her father's farm, her job as a school teacher, and raising a child on her own.

Rick had his own tears running down his face. He was a responder to all of those scenes. He saw the blood. He smelled the burned bodies.

The sound of cries and sobs echoed throughout the room. People were hugging each other, rubbing each other's backs, Rick couldn't 'take his eyes off the blonde who just bared her soul.

The rain was pouring when it was time to leave. Beth had her purse in one arm and the four year old hand in the other. She forgot to bring her umbrella, and was waiting for the torrential rain to let up so she could get to her car. As Rick was leaving the church he stopped at the door and offered to help. He was in uniform, which set her mind at ease, but she was still leery of people she doesn't know. They engaged in some small talk before saying they'll see each other again next week. As she was putting Jo, named after Maggie's mother Josaphine, in the car Rick noticed that the car seat wasn't secured. Beth blushed with embarrassment as he went to his cruiser and got a strap to fix it without being asked.

"You're good to go. It's secured."

Rick refused Beth's offer of ten dollars…the only thing she had in her pocket. They shook hands, and he did a double take of her hazel eyes. Rick cracked a smile, and Beth got butterflies in her stomach. She thanked him again, and he watched as she drove away.

Rick came home to an empty house. But it was different. It was…clean. A delicious aroma of a home cooked meal wafted through the house. The dirty dishes were washed and put away. The laundry was cleaned and folded. There was a note on the kitchen, from his sister Katie and Shane. They hired professional cleaners to get rid of two years' worth of dirt, made the place shine, and Katie had a homemade chicken pot pie, Rick's favorite, in the oven.

The note wished him well, and said that they're proud of him for taking the first step.

Rick smiled and ate a real meal, alone, at the kitchen table. He passed on taking the shots of Jack Daniels. He locked up the house, took a hot shower, and crawled into bed. He lay in his bed, in the quiet, empty house. Lori was always on his mind. So were his children. But when he fell asleep, he dreamed about Beth.