A/N- What's this? An update?! After all this time?! *Swoon*

Personally, I'm only writing this because that Bismuth episode fucked me up and I need to channel out my sadness with some of our mediocre (Boring) humor.

"For the last time Pearl, I'm not coming out!" Garnet said through the Temple door. How sound came through it was beyond this story's comprehension, but hell, it did it. Pearl sighed, ceasing her incessant knocking. She frowned as she thought of another way to get Garnet to come out of the Burning Room. For the past week,Garnet had been constantly harassed by that fugly old lady that sold herself near the Big Donuts street corner, and every time, she would come running back to the house and would lock herself in the Burning Room, either crying for hours on end or muttering something incomprehensible to herself. It was starting to get a bit tiresome.

"Garnet, stop acting like a teenager and come help me with this mission." Pearl tried again, her voice coming out a bit more stern than she intended.

"No! You don't understand my struggles!" Garnet snapped through the other side of the door. Pearl sighed, and began to think of another way to coax her out from the room. An idea popped into her mind. She stepped away from the Temple door and cleared her throat.

"What's that Steven? You think Ruby and Sapphire are sisters?" Pearl called out. A few moments later, she could hear heavy footsteps, and the Temple door opened and Garnet came running out of it.

"Now listen here you little shit-" Garnet started, pointing her finger to no one in particular until she faltered, looking around for Steven. Once she realized that had been tricked, she made a mad dash for the Temple door, only to be blocked by Pearl. She stared long and hard at Pearl.

"Pearl, get out of my way." Garnet said dangerously. Pearl shook her head.

"Not until you stop being afraid of some old hooker." Pearl retorted, crossing her arms over her chest and staring sternly at Garnet. Garnet shifted her weight from side to side, before finally replying.

"She isn't just some "Old Hooker', she is obviously a secret weapon created by Homeworld to come down to Earth and break the most iron-willed of Gems, she is pure evil, I tell you!" Garnet ranted, her voice taking on a more frantic tone as she continued. Pearl rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, you starting to sound like Peridot with all your theories, if it's really bothering you so much, than how about I go talk to her" Pearl suggested. Garnet gasped and shook her head vigorously.

"No, absolutely not! I'm not going let you take on a being of pure evil on your own, we need extra preparation in this mission. I'm talking old school; informants, memorizing her patrol schedules, studying the way she fights and- Hey! Where are you going?!" Garnet called out to Pearl, who was walking towards the door. Pearl ignored her, exiting the house.

As Pearl approached the street corner, the first thing she noticed was Nanafue's completely naked form, and that she was humping a fish, but Pearl ignored the latter and instead focused her attention on Nanafue's lovely body. Nanafue noticed Pearl, and gave her a seductive smile.

"Fifteen dollars and I'll eat that ass out like it's my last supper" Nanafue said, grinning at Pearl, who had walked closer to her. Pearl hummed, still not taking her eyes off of Nanafue's body.

"How much for a night?" Pearl said, forgetting her previous motive to tell her to 'Get the Fuck off my Leader'; Her eyes snapped up to meet Nanafue's. Nanafue grinned at Pearl again, strutting over to her to hook her leg around Pearl's.

"Ohh, you're a lot more willing than the other one. I like that" Nanafue whispered to Pearl. She climbed up Pearl's body so she can reach her ears.

"$100 dollars for anyone else, but for you, $50" Nanafue murmured in Pearl's ear. Pearl nodded quickly.

"Alright, I can do that, but I have strict rules," Pearl began " Firstly, no butt stuff, Rose once shoved one of my swords up my ass mid-fuck and to this day I still can't walk correctly. Secondly, you will only address me as Salty Momma, and nothing else." Pearl finished. Nanafue clapped her hands together.

"Oh, I love a girl with standards" Nanafue chirped. She took Pearl's hand in her own. "Come on, I'll take you to my secret base and we can fuck each other until we both die of STD's" Pearl laughed nervously.

"Oh, well, I wouldn't go that far."

Garnet was sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth and murmuring quietly to herself. The door to the house opened, and her head snapped up. Her eyes widened behind her glasses, and she quickly got to her feet.

"Pearl, what happened?!" Garnet demanded. Pearl looked like a mess, there were bruises all over her, as well as lipstick, her hair was disheveled and her sash was missing. Pearl's expression was blank. She slowly walked to the couch and sat down. Garnet worriedly followed her.

"It was amazing," Pearl started quietly, looking at her feet. " Better than anything I could of imagined. What that mouth did, and those 28 sex positions that blew my mind and destroyed my genitalia." Pearl stopped. Garnet put a hand on her back.

"Take your time." Garnet said to Pearl. She nodded in acknowledgement, and slowly turned to look at Garnet.

"Garnet." Pearl said.

"Y-Yes?"

Pearl slowly turned her head to look at the wall.

"She did it. She cured my Thirst."

A/N: *Still crying over Bismuth*