Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any copyrighted material mentioned in this fic.
Brittany opens the door to her apartment with one hand, while lugging in a large bag of groceries. She has been in Los Angeles for two weeks now and had eaten take out or gotten fast food for every single meal. After her audition today, she decided it might be time to hit the market. After spending 20 minutes trying to understand the difference between organic and grass fed chicken thighs, Brittany finally made it through her first Whole Foods experience.
Mercedes had set her up with a small studio apartment right near the Hell To the No offices in downtown LA. The apartment was probably an eighth of the size of her set up in Dayton, but cost three times as much. Brittany was extremely grateful that Mercedes was allowing her to stay there for next to nothing. Apparently, Hell to the No uses the space a lot for traveling artists or storage, and it was currently available.
As she closes the front door, Prince Whiskerton bolts out into the living, "Hey PDubbs! Did you miss me today?" The blonde calls cheerily as she makes her way through the living room into her small kitchenette. Before beginning to put her groceries away, Brittany flips on her blue tooth and lets music fill her small apartment. The music inevitably causes her to dance, which inevitably makes her think about the audition she just came from.
Not only was the audition physically and mentally taxing, but it took a lot out of her emotionally. She wasn't prepared for what it would feel like to see Santana again after all this time. To hear her speak, to watch her smile, to be so close to her while simultaneously feeling so far. She hated watching the Latina snap in her presence, finally realizing all the emotional turmoil and pain she caused her once best friend and lover. Seeing Santana today brought Brittany back to the last time she actually saw Santana.
Flashback
The blonde enters her room where her video camera is already whirring, focused on two chairs that sit in the middle of the space. A hot pot full of cheese was steaming on her whicker table. Brittany steps away from her door as her guest of honor walks through behind her. The guest slowly enters, takes in the sight in front of her and sighs,
"Didn't we just do an episode of Fondue for Two, B?" Santana plops herself down in one of the chairs in front of the camera, "I thought I was going to start helping you pack for MIT."
Brittany plays with the hem of her shirt, "Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, and when I get nervous about something I need to tell you it is easier for me to do it on the show." The blonde looks up and sees Santana is looking at her with a confused expression on her face. "You know, like when I wanted to ask you to prom junior year? Well I was really, really nervous, so I decided to do it on the show because then I could be more focused on the context than the content."
The Latina stands up and walks over to Brittany and runs her hands up the blondes bare arms, "Brittany, look at me". Brown eyes meet blue eyes, "What are you so nervous to tell me?"
Brittany backs out of Santana's touch and moves over to her bed. She sits down and stares are the floor, trying to find the right words to express her feelings. Express how scared she was to go to MIT, how scared she was of failing, how scared she was of living up to everyone else's expectations and realizing that she wasn't a genius after all. The fear of inferiority is overwhelming the blonde yet again, and the pressure is too much to handle. She can't go to MIT without Santana, she can't take on this life decision alone, but she can't ask Santana to change her plans for her, because the blonde knew that the small girl would do so in a heart beat. Santana always planned her life around Brittany, until Brittany didn't make it an option anymore. Santana was meant for New York, Santana was meant for big things, Brittany was meant for Ohio. Safe and simple, just like her.
"I'm not going to MIT" the blonde whispers.
"What do you mean?" the brunette asks incredulously. "Just yesterday you were so excited that everyone was finally going to see how amazing you really are. Brittany you can't just throw this opportunity away. You deserve this Brittany. You are meant for such amazing things."
"It's too much, Santana. It's all happening so fast. I am just going to postpone it for a bit. Maybe I will apply for regular entry next fall." The blonde lies through her teeth, knowing that she won't be going at all, knowing she already turned MIT down after they told her it was now or never. She just couldn't take the look on Santana's face any longer. A look of disappointment. Her whole life all she wanted was for Santana to be proud of her.
The brunette kneels in front of Brittany and slowly tucks a stray piece of blonde hair behind her ear, "I just don't want you to regret anything in your life, Britt. But, if you need more time to figure this out, then I will support you. Just make sure you are guaranteed to go in the fall. You don't want to miss out on something amazing." Santana's brown eyes flicker gold as she looks upon the blonde.
All Brittany can think is 'I already am missing something amazing'.
End Flashback
As Brittany gets caught up in her daydream, she almost doesn't hear her phone ringing, interrupting the music. She looks down and sees Mercedes name flashing across her screen,
"Hi, Mercedes" the blonde answers, her voice thick with emotion.
"Brittany?" She hears the diva's voice break, "Am I catching you at a bad time?"
"No, not at all, what's up?" The blonde sits down at her counter trying to gather herself.
"Well, I will keep this brief. You certainly still got it girl! You killed it today" Mercedes says brightly, "Everyone was really impressed with your performance."
"Everyone?" Brittany can't help but question that Santana was impressed with her dancing.
"Yes, even her, Britt." The blonde exhales, "She may be stubborn as hell, and pretty bitchy sometimes, but one thing Santana knows is talent and you certainly have it."
"I deserve her to be bitchy. In fact, I deserve everyone to be bitchy to me. I don't get how you are so okay with helping me out. I thought you would be all Team Santana on this situation."
"Brittany, there are no teams. The only team I am on is team happy, Santana hasn't been happy and from what I hear neither have you." The blonde hums in response, "Anyways, I am not saying you two should get back together. Hell you have A LOT to figure out before you should even consider that, but before you dated you were best friends. I think people tend to forget that. You both made mistakes, but that doesn't mean you two shouldn't be a part of each others lives. You're better together. You're Brittany and Santana, pinky links and charm bracelets."
The blonde smiles and subconsciously wiggles her pinky, "I know, you're right. On all accounts. I've missed you, Cedes."
"I've missed you too, B. But, now we have the perfect opportunity to reconnect. We want you on the tour, Britt."
The blonde's jaw drops, "Oh my god, seriously! I got it? You're not just giving it to me cause you feel bad, right?"
The diva laughs through the phone, "Not at all! Girl, you earned it! Even Santana thinks so." The blonde beams thinking that the Latina picked her for the tour.
"Now, logistics. We have decided on you and two other dancers to travel with us. As you know, we are still trying to figure out exactly how we will be using dance on the tour, but all I definitely know is we will be starting rehearsal on Monday, so you have the weekend to prepare. Rehearsals will be pretty intense - 9-6 everyday until tour. We just aren't sure what direction we want yet, so we are going to try a lot of things."
The blonde is feverishly writing down everything the diva is telling her about dates, hours, practices, responsibilities, locations etc. Brittany sighed as she hung up the phone with her new boss – here goes nothing.
Meanwhile at some bar in downtown LA, Santana is throwing back her fourth shot of Jameson chasing it with her fourth beer. The only sounds at her table are the Latina's glass slamming on the table or her sighs. Frankie looks over the rim of her martini at her disheveled friend, and cannot find any words to start a conversation let alone distract Santana from her one goal – drunken oblivion. Frankie jumped on the chance when Santana invited her to drinks thinking that maybe this was finally her chance with the smoking hot Latina, but as soon as they got to the bar and Santana order four whiskeys with four beer backs, Frankie knew she was here for a totally different reason. Though she knew that if she got Santana drunk enough she got probably go home with her, Frankie also realized that that's not what the Latina needs right now. Right now, the Latina needs a friend.
"Well, you're clearly not over her" Frankie says "Can't really blame you. I saw her today, damn dancer is an understatement, that body is model status."
"Shut your mouth, Frankie. I brought you here as a drinking, not to objectify my ex-girlfriend's body." Santana tips her beer bottle back and gestures to the barkeep for another one. "What am I supposed to do? I am going to have spend all this time with her, dancing with her, singing to her – how am I supposed to separate my emotions from that? That's exactly how we feel in love." The Latina cradles her head in her hands. Frankie can tell the alcohol is starting to hit her friend. In the 2 plus years she has known Santana, the girl has never talked about anything more serious than her job. Frankie catches the eye of the barkeep and tells him to hold off on refilling the Latina's beverage.
"Look, I am not going to pretend I know anything about the inner workings of your relationship with Blondie"
"Brittany." Santana snaps.
"Right, Brittany. However, it seems like both of you are holding onto this scraps of what your relationship was years ago. Well, at least you are. From what I know happened, it seems like both of you made some mistakes – definitely her more than you, no denying that, S – but that girl just quit her job and stable life to move here. Do you think that she just came here on a whim? You think she had no idea you were here?"
"Wait, you think she knew it was my tour she was auditioning for?" The Latina looks up at her friend with unshed tears in her eyes.
"No, I don't. She seemed just as freaked out as you did, but she certainly knows you live in LA. Maybe she wants to try to move forward with you."
"Then why hasn't she talked to me in two years? Why did she deny me continuously?" The Latina shakes her head in confusion.
"I can't answer that, but Brittany could. Look all I know is you can't let the past take up your time today."
Santana rolls her eyes, "You know Frankie, you make a good point. You don't know anything about what happened between me and Brittany." The Latina gets up and makes her way to the bar to get more to drink. Frankie drops her head – it's probably going to be a long night.
Back at Brittany's apartment, the blonde decided she needed to become as familiar with Santana's music as possible before walking into rehearsals. The last thing she wanted was to be blindsided by a lyric during rehearsal. She has spent the past hour or so, going through the songs Mercedes had sent her and about a box of tissues.
I miss you when the lights go out
It illuminates all my doubts
Pull me in, hold me tight
Don't let go, baby give me light
I miss you when the lights go out
It illuminates all my doubts
Pull me in, hold me tight
Don't let go, baby give me light
Santana's first semester at Louisville she used to call Brittany while she was in bed, saying she needed to at least hear Brittany's breath to fall asleep. She said during the day, when it was light, she could distract herself from missing the blonde. Between classes, cheer practice and homework, she had enough going on to keep her mind from thoughts of Brittany. However, when the lights went out, she said it was almost painful. All she wanted was to roll over into her lover's arms, and for Brittany's body to create lightness.
The first time Brittany heard the lyrics she thought maybe this was just a generic love song, but the more she listened to it, the more she realized that nothing Santana did on this album was generic. This was Santana screaming her pent up feelings out loud, finally bearing her soul and her emotions, something Brittany had begged her to do for years. For so long, it was so hard to believe Santana's real feelings. Her feelings with either whispered under the mask of darkness or in heated out bursts in hallways, classrooms and offices. Sometimes the depth of Santana's feelings in high school was overwhelming for the blonde. Not only the depth, but the irregularity of feelings. Santana was anything but predictable. Feelings make the Latina vulnerable and she didn't like loss of control in her life.
The blonde is pulled out of her memories with a shrill ring of her cell phone. Brittany glances down and doesn't recognize the caller ID,
"Hello?" the blonde answers slowly.
"Um, please tell me this is Brittany?" the voice over the phone says.
"Well, that depends on who is asking." Brittany replies curiously.
"Oh shit, right" a voice speaks out in the background and Brittany hears a familiar cackles "Santana please stop for two seconds" the blonde's heart clenches thinking that whoever this is is with a drunk Santana "…right, sorry, this is Frankie the executive assistant at Hell to the No. We met earlier today?"
"Yeah, I remember. How did you get my number and what do you need?" The blonde doesn't feel like extending this conversation any longer.
"Santana and I went out to get a drink after the auditions and well one drink turned into many drinks for S. I tried calling Mercedes, but her phone is off. So, I looked in Santana's phone and this was the only number that didn't have a first and last name. It just had B."
Santana got a new number and didn't tell Brittany, that is why her number came up as unknown. Why wouldn't Santana tell the blonde about her new number? More importantly, if the Latina didn't want Brittany knowing her number, why would she keep Brittany's?
"I am still not getting what this has to do with me…" Brittany replies.
"Can you come get her? I am really sorry to ask you to do this, but I have a date tonight with this really hot choreographer and well, priorities..." Frankie giggles into the phone, "I would normally just take her back to her apartment, but I can't drive her home and then back into the city in time, especially in this traffic. Look, I wouldn't ask unless it was important, besides she's getting really weepy and I kind of don't know how to handle this."
Brittany runs her hands through her long blonde hair. She knows she would never leave Santana hanging, but the fact that Frankie is the one calling really grinds the blonde's gears, "Um, yeah, I'll come get her. Where are you guys?"
"Santana, please stop crying. I am just trying to help. Someone is going to come get you…yes I know, you miss her. I get it. Please, just sit down and drink some of that water." Frankie's muddled voice carries over the phone.
"FRANKIE!" Brittany shouts trying to get the girls attention.
"Sorry, um we are at The Down and Out, it's not too far from the office building."
Brittany quickly types the name of the bar into her maps app. Shockingly, the bar is just under a half mile away. "I'll be there in ten minutes, does that work?"
"Perfect. We will see you soon."
The phone disconnects and Brittany throws a random sweatshirt on over her tank and slides into her battered white converse that she has had since sophomore year of high school, before taking off to go retrieve her drunk, weepy ex-girlfriend with a smile on her face.
AN1: Just a teaser chapter. As you can tell, next chapter will hold the Brittana interaction. I just wanted to clean up the transitions and the chapter was getting long.
AN2: For those of you invested in my other story, I promise there is content coming, I just don't want to give you a weak update.