TTGLX: Brothers to the End.
Omake Issue 12: Side Characters.
A/N: Holla amigos! It's omake time again and today I feel like breaking the Fourth Wall. I never did like that wall…
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Down in a dank dark dungeon in the middle of nowhere sat huddled seven men with dejected expressions on their faces. Their shinigami robes were ragged and their spirits were low. Only the sound of dripping water pierced the thick silence.
"We've been abandoned. Left to rot." moaned Kidd miserably. "If it were Kamina who had been captured the he'd have already broken out or been rescued. As side characters though, we've just been neglected."
"Shut up." snapped Kittan. "As side characters go we've done well. We had epic deaths and then got to use bankai straight away. How many characters can boast that?"
Kidd snorted. "That's alright for you, Kittan, but we didn't get quite so epic deaths as you. We just all blew up needlessly in space. Hell, we didn't even get a monotone final few seconds."
"Not true." injected Kittan. "Jorgun and Balinbow both died to protect Gimmy and Darry and they got a monotone scene. Then Makken sacrificed himself to save the entire Arc-Gurren from exploding."
"Yeah!" bellowed the twins together. "We died like men! We saved young ones and died laughing!"
Makken backed up Kittan's point with a nod. His grasp of language was simply poetic.
Kidd was looking agitated now. He looked toward Iraak and Zorthy but they offered him no support. He turned back to their blonde haired leader.
"It's alright for you to make light of us. Why would you care about our plight. You're well set up here with one of the hottest women in the Soul Society fawning over you. We've all been here for ages now and none of the rest of us have had any real action. Where are our women, ya damn lazy writer!" Kidd screamed this last part up to the roof. The others backed away slowly.
"Who is there even to pick from?" commented Zorthy dryly. "Must of the hot shinigami are taken."
"There has to be somebody left!" exclaimed Kidd desperately. "Let's see. Err, squad one has Rangiku and Nia…"
"Taken by Kittan and Simon." pointed out Zorthy helpfully.
"Squad two has Soifon…"
"Yeah, good look with that one."
"Nobody noticeable in squad three. Erm, ah, lots in squad four. Captain Unohana, Lieutenant Isane Kotetsu and third seat Orihime Inoue!"
"If you want to try and woo the most feared woman in the Seireitei then that's your business. Orihime is taken by Ichigo so no look there either." Zorthy continued.
"But Isane is fine?" Kidd pressed.
"Looks like it."
Kidd was encouraged by this. "Right. Fifth Division has Lieutenant Rukia."
"Taken by Renji."
"Sixth and Seventh have none. Eight has Lieutenant Nanao."
"Taken by Captain Kyoraku.
"Nine and Ten none. Eleven only has Yachiru."
"Hell no."
"Twelve has Nemu…"
"Single but emotionally unhinged."
"Still single though."
"True."
"And thirteen has Captain Elric. What's that, hmm, six single women, six of us. Perfect."
"Yeah, perfect." grunted Zorthy. "All we have to do is turn Soifon straight, breech Unohana's emotional shields without meeting an untimely death, make Yachiru stay in adult form long enough for us not to look like paedophiles and get to knew Nemu before she gets to know our insides when we're laid out on a table with all manner of metal stuck in us. Isane and Elie are about the only rational choices.
Kittan coughed, drawing the Team Dai-Gurren members' attention back to him. "Can I just point out that you only need five women."
"What?"
"Well, Makken is already married and has kids." Kittan pointed out.
Makken nodded again, encapsulating an entire epic speech in a single bob of his head.
The others stared at him in silent envy. Kidd's eye began to twitch.
"You all just wait and see." snapped Kidd. "By the end of this story I'll be set. Bet your asses on it!"
Kittan and Zorthy leaned toward each other. "I think that prison is starting to get to him." Kittan sighed. "He think's he's in a book."
"Maybe this is all actually a story, kinda like Last Action Hero." philosophised Zorthy as he puffed on his last dog-eared cigarette.
"While that is a cool movie, I highly doubt that it is relevant to Kidd's delusions."
"If it is though, dibbs on me being Schwarzenegger."
"I have the best action sequences and the hottest woman therefore I would be Schwarzenegger. Not that it matters since it's only Kidd losing his mind." Kittan argued.
"I'm not crazy!" shouted Kidd.
Iraak, who had been quiet up until this point, finally spoke. "Either way guys, I just hope that we're rescued soon."
"Why? This place isn't the worst we've been in." Kittan commented.
"Jorgun and Balinbow are starting to get cabin fever." Iraak said, indicating the hulking twins. Their whole bodies were twitching.
"Need to smash! Need to Bash! Need to move!" They chanted.
Jorgun looked to Balinbow. "Think we should make prison bitch?"
Balinbow turned to Jorgun. "Little one mine!"
"Eep!" squeeked Kidd. "For the love of god get us out of here. KAMINA!"