I never tire of Robin and Regina - angsty, aged, dysfunctional, messed up... I never get bored of OutlawQueen in general. This one-shot was a streak of random brilliance (or at least a new OQ AU verse), but I wrote it in the middle of the night without a beta. Please pardon any mistakes, and feel free to ask questions if there are confusions. I love one-shots and am totally welcome to any PROMPTS if you have any. Thank you to all readers, and please review! Your feedback is everything!
In the Stillness of the Night
She started beating out that old Rachmaninoff tune – the one for which her over-exacting mother split her lip when she had played ahead of the desired tempo at that special audition.
Ignoring the cacophony of belligerent drunks and melancholy regulars and those rowdy college students over in the corner, he sat in the stillness. Listening. Appreciating. Waiting. To hear and see every single moment of magic and fraught emotion she could conjure with her out-of-practice fingers and her battered soul.
Swelling with heartache. Dragging with agony. The music touched him on such a profound, deep level, only to be matched by some secret moments long ago. Those quiet hours his wife spent reclaiming old parts of herself, playing old sheet music. Just as his wife had been lost in her feelings and memories, this woman played in an almost disoriented fog.
This moment, like those recollected afternoons, was an ostentatious secret. Like a body gutted and laid bare in the center of town for all to view, mourn, and avoid. The weary woman hunched over her borrowed instrument to pour out her pleas to end the war that raged within her – out of control as it was.
Although the woman was clearly an expert with the piano, she forsook the technique used in Carnegie Hall. She stroked the keys like a beguiling lover. She pounded those ivory keys with all the fury of a jilted wife. Fiery allegro. Weepy andante. Pianissimo legato phrases looped seamlessly to the clatter of fortissimo ostinatos. It was all a visceral experience for the man watching, for the woman held back nothing of herself. Every tempo, dynamic, melodramatic gesture, piece of artistry, and musical color was emoted in her playing.
He listened to her all night, just as he used to do for his wife.
Was it all night? Or only a thread in time – a second?
"Was that good 'nuf for ya?"
The man snapped out of his trance – in which he had combined his listening mode, his nostalgic mode, and his musing mode. The woman was clearly done emoting, and in turn, entertaining him for the evening. She peered up at the lazy brilliance of his shining eyes.
"Too much. Not enough."
She knew perfectly well what he meant. They always could read each other so well. As if they shared a soul.
Her vision was bleary. Her eyelids were droopy. But she still discerned his thoughts and saw his intense stare. The sea of turmoil and pain that swirled in his eyes was too much for her to take in that moment.
Enough!
"Carry me home, Robin."
Her sigh of surrender was all he needed to scoop her up into his arms. His warm, loving arms. Cradling her into his broad chest, he headed toward the door and out into the chilly, unforgiving night.
"Excuse me!" Robin snapped around to the rude woman that had just barreled into him, almost causing him to topple and drop Regina.
The inattentive mother continued walking until the child ran and grabbed her. The young girl whispered into her mother's ear. The woman's eyes widened, and she spun around.
"Regina Mills?!"
The suspicious woman retraced her steps so that she was within close proximity of Robin and the near-unconscious Regina. The woman leaned closer. Finally sure of what she saw, she shook her head as if to give confirmation of Regina Mills to the world.
"You should be ashamed of yourself! People like you should NOT be the famous ones. My kids live in a world of bad people. They're in streets. They're on the T.V. Sober up! If you can," she finished snidely."
Then, the woman grabbed her daughter. With matching glares, the pairs marched their way down the street and out of sight.
Out of sight, out of mind? What a lie! The man and woman standing at that street corner were left with a bitter taste in their mouths. The past flew through their minds like a grim, old black-and-white film. Only the highlights, mind you. The most destructive pieces of the hurricane that wiped out one woman's once promise career and life.
Regina Mills. Heiress to the Mills family fortune. Daughter of the tycoon Henry Mills, loving father. And perfect and cold Cora Mills, abuser.
Regina Mills. Musical prodigy and sorceress of the piano. Accomplished equestrian. Cultured and refined. The young lady of fine breeding. Silver spoon, enormous inheritance, dazzling future ahead.
Regina Mills. Failure. Slump in the chair. THUMP! Bobble on the horse. SLAP! Hit the wrong note. WHACK! Almost drowned in the lake at the family's country home…
Regina Mills. Failure and brain damage. Patience. Learning. THUMP! SLAP! WHACK! No more riding. No more playing.
Regina Mills. Hollywood actress.
Lover after lover. Drink after drink.
Until Robin. The calm in her storm. Her love. Her light.
She didn't need booze – for a while. He was enough. He HAD to be enough. Until he wasn't.
Mother's untimed visits. Marian's visit to Robin's office. Facing the process of aging and slowing offers for parts. Her miscarriage.
Every single emotional toll. Strain on their marriage until they cracked. Divorce seemed inevitable.
Without Robin at her side to guide her, Regina could not handle the pressure of life and her fragmenting mind. Robin had always held her in the night, soothed every fear, woken her from every nightmare, and helped her fight every battle. Without him there, she simply could not cope.
Hit the bottle.
Once, she had tried a new lover. A quick dinner and a stumble into a nearby hotel. She had stumbled with him through the door and almost into bed, but they stopped. Robin's face haunted her everywhere she went; that night was no different. She could not lure another man – stranger or friend, decent or not – into her house of horrors. The attempt to replace one vice with another went unsuccessful.
Back to the bottle.
Parts on the screen had already been drying up by the time the divorce was filed. Never the slacker, Regina pounded the pavement for work. Mini-series. Minor but colorful roles in Indies. Notable cameos in television. It paid well enough.
But the press got wind of her late nights drinking. Out on the town and drunk as a skunk. Slurring to the reporters and flirting with strangers. The tabloids published every humiliating word she spoke and every demeaning photo of her hazy nights in print for all the world to see.
More vodka meant no more career.
The first half of Regina's last year had been spent on a mystery dinner cruise on the Potomac. Lady Rothschild, she had been. Remembering the snooty ways of Cora Mills and her elite friends, Regina strutted around the deck of the boat with a fake long cigarette-in-holder and an all-too-real martini glass. How she managed to not get caught for five months, even she could not fathom. Then again, she had always been a fantastic actress. When the cruise director spotted her waving the empty martini glass in the face of a drenched audience member, he corralled the inebriated actress into the back room. When they landed, he ejected her from the cruise ship's spotlight for good.
Somehow, even with her pervasive spending on alcohol, Regina Mills was still a rich has-been. Defamed character. Career down the drain. Marriage obliterated. Through it all, Regina remembered the financial lessons her father had taught her as a girl. Her inheritance was nearly untouched, accompanied by thriving long-term investments. The fortune she had accumulated at the height of her career comfortably paid for her new life as the unemployed drunken wreck.
Regina spent most of her time passed out on her bedroom floor or incoherently knocking around the local bars. The world thought her to be a monster, a pitiful creature, or a disgusting piece of scum; yet she remained smart and coherent. In his arms, she was still drunk, but she knew who she was. She knew of her declining condition and instability. She knew she felt safe and content in his arms – the solitary seconds of peace in years of upheaval. She also knew that this time with Robin was not to last. They were divorced, for goodness sakes!
But she could savor it right here, right now.
Regina with Robin. ROBIN AND REGINA. That's all she ever wanted to be.
The same old song and dance he remembered from their married days.
Of course then she had not drowned her sorrows in liquor, but she still had indulged in those nights of partying. She had been the life of the party, the great dancer, and the flirtatious and fun drunk. He missed sharing those moments with her. He just missed her. Maybe if he had read those alarming signs, he could have saved her. They could have salvaged their marriage. They would have been strong enough to not let Cora and Marian worm their way in between them. But they were both fools. And life happened.
Besides all the other 'serious-adult-life-stuff,' Robin and Regina stood in the same position that had stood in many a time when they had been married. It was as if time stood still. Regina handed Robin her purse.
Ah-ha! This is the one I purchased for you on your thirty-fifth birthday. Robin smiled wistfully at the faded memory.
Unzipping the clutch's center compartment, he fished for her keys. Once he found her heavy key ring, he searched for the right key. He found it immediately. 'H' for home in Sharpie on the head of the key. Twisting the key in the lock, Robin maneuvered the mechanism until it gave way. The door swung open.
He glanced at Regina. She looked a bit unsteady. Exhausted, saddened, regretful, above and beyond tipsy… par for the course. He probably could have gotten her inside with a bit of coaxing, physical support, and patience. Instead, he picked her up once again – like a bride and groom of days long overdue, revisiting their sacred first carrying-over-the-threshold. Maybe it would just hurt them to remember this the next morning, but he needed to touch her and hold her once more. If only a last time.
The house was dark but lit with a hauntingly striking beauty in the glow of the moonlight that poured through the large bay windows. Robin did not bother to turn on any lights; he had been here once before. Once had been enough. Two years before, mutual friends Kathryn and Frederic Knight had thrown Regina a surprise party in her then new home. Ever the optimist, Kathryn had invited Robin, thinking enough time had elapsed since the divorce and hoping that this invitation could be a step in the right direction for a reconciliation. Unfortunately, Robin had brought Marian as a date. Regina had gotten plastered. And neither had been ready to see each other again, as they both still held so much pain in their hearts over the demise of their perfect marriage. None of that, however, prevented Robin from drinking in the sight of his alluring ex-wife in a sexy black dress. Like the value he placed on its owner, Robin extended his adoration of the woman he lost by memorizing every inch of her new home that was within sight.
Returning to this foreign but familiar residence two years later, Robin felt like he was right to be here. After all, this would have been his home – if only things had gone differently.
Gliding gracefully and silently through the dark corridor, Robin found the master suite. What he found did not surprise him in the least. All white. That was how Regina liked things. Plain, simple, manageable (and monochromatic). She had told him once – after a lengthy night of voracious passion – that her childhood bedroom had been all white. In a house that had served as a prison, with her mother as her warden and tormentor, her room had served as her sanctuary. 'The uninterrupted whiteness made me feel like I was floating on the clouds,' she had explained.
Slowly approaching the king-sized white sleigh bed, Robin savored the comforting weight of Regina nestled against him. He gazed adoringly down at her, hoping desperately that this moment with her – this too-short moment of Robin and Regina – would be enough to last him a lonely, miserable lifetime.
As if sensing their time together would end, Regina whimpered softly. Without opening her eyes, she nuzzled her head against his chest.
The destination had been reached. The inevitable was upon them. Their time was up.
Robin gently lowered Regina onto the mound of white bedding. Pulling up the comforter and sheets, he tucked her in. He kissed her softly, with all the tenderness he had. That one kiss spoke of anguish, yearning, precious years of memories, and an abiding love that would never diminish.
Her eyelashes fluttered, as Regina strained not to open her eyes. She wanted to look at him. She wanted to see how handsome he still was, even twenty years since she had met him the first time. She wanted to look into his eyes – to see if the love was still there. If he still loved her… Regina forced herself to keep her eyes closed because she was afraid to find out. Maybe her antics, which had finally driven him away, had also ruined any love they had once shared.
Then she heard his footsteps recede. The sound lessened and lessened. Only then would she open her eyes.
"Robin…" Like a call, like a question, like a prayer, she reeled him back in.
Quick as a flash, he flew to her side.
"What is it, my darling?" With a tinge of worry, his eyes probed her now opened ones for an answer. For reassurance.
"Stay."
The finality and confidence exuded in this one word shocked him. Before his eyes, the woman he had loved had disintegrated over the last eight years. It had been a long time since he had been sure she was comfortable in her own skin. Since she had been the 'Evil Queen of the Screen'. Since she had spoken without fear and without slurring.
"Are you certain?"
"Yes," she whispered with a newfound firmness.
He wanted to comply immediately, but there were things holding him back. Namely, one person. He did not want to say anything, but he still did.
"Marian…"
He scratched his head, temporarily letting the complications of life distract him from the love of his life lying there, waiting for him.
Regina stopped him in his troubled tracks. Robin hadn't been able to chase away her demons in the end of their marriage, but she, without fail, had always been able to relieve his mind of any such afflictions.
"Just tonight. Hold me this one last time."
She reached out to him, drawing him forward into her arms.
"I need you, Robin."
All other voices plaguing their thoughts were silenced – if only for the night – as they lay cocooned with each other. She had all she needed right there with him. He, too, with her. The press of his strong, warm body against hers allowed her to relax. With all the wear and tear inflicted upon her by her life, as well as the stressful but exciting events of the evening, she drifted off to sleep quickly.
Robin looked down upon her angelic face. Marred by smearing makeup and tears from earlier, he saw the woman he had lost to the darkness. But the sound of her light breathing pulled him back. He adjusted his vision, clearing his mind of the memories both idyllic and damaging, and looked to the woman in the present. His one true love. His soul mate.
The love he felt still burning in his heart, after all these years of turmoil, reflected in how he saw Regina. She was without a doubt the most beautiful creature he had ever seen and loved, stunning in every way. The years had not been kind to her, but then neither had he – in the end. Even so, in the stillness of the night, Robin believed in the future. For her. Always for her. Maybe one fine day, she could be happy and free of her deep-seated pain. Maybe they would find a way back to the start of their marriage and away from the end. Maybe they would be together again.
Until that day, Robin would cast his eyes upon Regina and only feel love. No more anger at her for her weakness. No more pity, which she despised. No more forced indifference. After all, she had stolen his heart years ago. No, he had offered it to her willingly. Until that day in the future that he could only imagine would come, he would offer Regina all the love and strength he possessed.
Perhaps he would have to return to his office job and Marian tomorrow. Perhaps she would return to her vodka and hopelessness tomorrow. But the stillness of this unexpected night gave him hope. Something told him it would not be their last night.
Because they were Robin and Regina. They were meant to love each other.