EIGHT

Now Iwas in my habitat.

The rage I had in me was like combustion for the push-ups, because I finished first than the others. It was 50, actually; Shadis wasn't joking about the 100, but he allowed us to do 50, but I could still do 100. After that, I ran, feeling my arms already hard and toned. It was the warm-up for what's next. While I ran, I kept thinking about today's events. Definitely, it was the worst day ever: two scolding from teachers andfrom a student, soon a scolding from my girlfriend, non-stop anger, having weird memories that I thought I had forgotten forever, the arrival of a new guy that awkwardly reminded me of my old self in so many ways… Quickly, Marco invaded my thoughts. I couldn't understand the guy, he'd passed through hell today and even so, he didn't call his mother or anything. His annoying smile always stuck on him like a limpet that he was. I even threw him a water balloon, lied to him and made fun of him and he'd still trust me or smiled at me. Honestly, independence wasn't his thing; he depended on me on everything today and not to forget the times I saved his sorry ass.

Again… the event reproduced in my mind when he was thrown a water balloon in his face, kicked by Frank, mocked and blamed in Art… it was too much to take. He didn't cry like a baby, but he didn't explode in anger or tried to defend himself either. He just endured it all.

I used to be like that… thrown everywhere, kicked, punched and I tried not to get in fights…

A pang of guilt and sadness hit me, along with a knot on my throat.

I shook my head, shoving those thoughts away and closed my eyes, not aware of where I was running. Then, I stumbled into someone and fell. That someone quickly kneeled and took my hand, lifting me up, -"I'm so sorry, Jean."

I sighed angrily. God, why do you keep putting him in my way?

I stood up, meeting Marco's eye, -"It's my fault… I wasn't looking where I was going."- I averted my gaze from his.

His face filled with worry, -"Are you okay? You seem thoughtful."

I nodded and gave him a small smile, -"Yeah, fine."- I didn't look at him though.

He had a doubtful face, but he changed subject, -"Hey, I wanted to ask you how you-"

-"JEAN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!? MOVE YOUR ASS!"- Shadis' monstrous voice echoed in the court and I immediately started running, -"WHAT ABOUT YOU, FRECKLES!? THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO!"

Marco gasped, startled, and ran behind me. Then, I realized something… the others in my group were still doing the push-ups. I looked back at Marco and then to the others. How the hell did he managed to do them at my pace!? In the court, the only ones running were Annie, Mikasa, Ymir, Berthold, Reiner and me. I could totally believe they could, but Marco? No way! He doesn't look like the type of guy who would make push-ups, much less 50 or 100!

The quote: Never judge a book by its cover,echoed in my head. The thing was, Marco wasn't a book, so it didn't count.

When we finished running, we stretched and prepared for the next part. Now, we had to change because the real sweating will start. So I changed into my usual red knee length pants and a black sport sweatshirt. I sat on the bench to put my very awesome training Nikes. They were black with red lines.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Reiner walking towards me, -"Hey, Jean, do you have a minute?"

-"Sure."- I leaned to tie my shoes. I had a feeling this was one of his 'family' speeches, trying to get me back at twelve two. Since he was the leader of this herd of idiots, he tried to keep the 'family' together.

He sat, -"I wanted to ask you something. Why don't you spend time with us, your group? I understand that you think we're a bunch of idiots and nerds, but we're a family, Jean and you are still part of it, but you've change or better yet… you've been influenced by others."

I sighed angrily and looked at him with a questioning face, -"What do you mean? That I'm being manipulated?"- Did he mean that I'm being influenced and manipulated by Frank and the rest of twelve one?

Reiner didn't say anything and for me, that was a yes.

I shocked my head, -"No way, I'm not being manipulated by anyone! You know, I just chose to start like someone new! I chose to hang with the best! Besides, what I do and what I choose is none of your business!"- I was rising my voice and had attracted some attention.

Reiner's face was the same, only this time, I saw worry, -"Jean, I'm just worried, we all are,"- He pointed to the group that were still doing push-ups, -"I'm just going to warn you. We take care of each other, have each other's back, we're always there for each other in the good and the bad. Turn your back on those other guys and before you know it, you're stabbed. The voice of experience is talking."

I ignored that and looked to where he was pointing. The only one doing push-ups was Thomas. He was the only one who never finishes them, but…, -"Thomas! Thomas! You can do it! Just five more!"- Apparently, not today. Armin, Eren, Sasha, Connie, Krista, Samuel, Tom, Berthold, and the rest were cheering him. Sweat fell from his face like cascade, his uniform soaked wet and his arms looked like they were about the break.

-"He won't make it."- I muttered and continued tying my shoes.

-"Keep looking."- Reiner said as a smile formed on his lips.

But I didn't looked, until I heard, -"One more! Come on, Thomas!"

I perked my head up and looked again. Thomas was lied down, panting heavily while the rest shouted and cheered happily. They all, together, raised him up and kept cheering him, -"Thomas! Thomas!"

-"You did it!"

-"That's how it's done!"

From corners, Annie and Ymir smirked, even Shadis. He walked over to the crowd and grinned, -"Well done, son. I really though you didn't had the balls to complete it but you proved me wrong. And now…,"- He took a deep breath, -"CHANGE THE FUCK UP!"

Thomas nodded, startled, -"Yes, sir!"- Happiness was spread all over him as if he just hit puberty.

The rest did the same.

I just stared, surprised, eyes wide, jaw dropped. It's impossible… he was so weak and fragile. How the hell did he managed to do them? He never, neverfinished anyexercise Shadis gave him.

-"Do you want to know how he did it?"- Reiner asked, leaning closer to me, -"He had his friend's backup, their support, didn't you see? Now I ask you,"- He stood up and turned to leave, looking back from his shoulder, -"Do you have that kind of advocacy?"- I sat frozen, mouth open to protest, but nothing came, because I really wasn't sure how to answer. Reiner smiled, -"Jean, we still have arms open for you. Any time, any day."- With that he left.

My mouth was still open; I wanted to say that Frank really supported me in the soccer games and trainings. That twelve one always supported me, but it didn't come out. Why? Did I have doubts?

I smashed my fist in the bench. I'll show them I don't need their petty backup.

We began to do a series of aerobics. It was a routine Shadis gave us and we had to complete it. Each day was different. Today's was composed by: side jumping, long jumps, sit-ups, jogging … the easy stuff. He always prepared the court for it. It was like a race. You had to do the routine five times and then you're done. I knew that he gave harder routines for twelve one since they were all the best at it. My group was like the beginners.

I was going too fast, so I stumbled on a few people working on it. They complained, but I didn't look back.

When I finished and Shadis told me 'well done', I went to look for a soccer ball on the depot. I sighed while I dig the million basketball and volleyball's balls. If I were with twelve one, I'd be having the proper exercise for soccer, but no, I'm stuck here. When I found it, I began to practice by kicking the ball to wall as if I'm playing with it. It was ironic, since no one here knew how to play.

-"Hey you,"- I heard a voice behind me. I looked back and saw Ymir, -"Why are you playing with the wall? Could it be that you've made friends with it?"- She grinned, arms crossed.

I didn't laugh or anything, I just looked at her seriously, -"There's no one better."

-"Oh, how come you're so sure?"- In a brief second, she dashed forward and kicked the ball away from me.

I saw her coming; really, I was just caught off guard. That's all, -"Hey, why did you do that for?"

She shrugged, hands on her skirt pocket, -"Play with me then."

I grunted and went for the ball, when I came back, -"I don't play with girls."

She grinned, -"Try me."

I sighed, -"Let's get this over with then,"- I said just to make her annoying grin disappear and shut her up, -"The wall's the goal."

Immediately when we started, I wanted it to end. She ran with me, beside me, watching me carefully and the ball. I had to admit, she was fast, dead fast. She managed to keep up with me and when I went for the goal, she did an unusual speed dash and kicked the ball away from me, quickly catching it and kicking it to the wall. Goal. She winked at me and began running. I followed. I had the ball and began to do circles with the purpose of confusing her; somehow, she managed to keep up, eyes following the ball. When I kicked the ball towards the wall, she hastily ran for it and stopped it, stealing my goal.

She had an amazing speed. Not only that, she had amazing reflexes. How could a girl run so fast? It's impossible…! In the end, I managed to goal once. She won.

A wide grin formed on her face, -"See? You can't judge a book by its cover,"- She walked towards me, -"You'd be surprised at what we could do."

With we,I had a feeling she was referring to the group. I sighed angrily among heavy breaths, -"Oh, don't tell me you're going to give me one of Reiner speeches, about trying to get me back?"- I had my hands on knees, -"'Cause, it won't work."

She shrugged, -"I'm trying,"- She wrapped her hands around me and when I tried to push her away, she tightened it. Then, I felt her hand in form of a pistol on my back, -"Don't come crying to us if you're shot on your back, 'cause you'll be known as a sucking balls cry baby."

I jerked myself away from her and scoffed, -"Funny, Reiner said you had arms open for me any time."

She shrugged again, -"Sure we have, but you have to pay the toll,"- Her grin and bad girl attitude faded; she was serious on this, -"You think we talk bullshit all the time? Take us seriously, Jean, we're not who you think we are."

-"I don't need to know, it's obvious."

-"At least we're not sucking it from anyone, we have realfriends,"- That grin came back, -"Admit it, Jean, you're sucking it on Frank so that he lets you be with the so called cool guys and the soccer team,"- I was processing it all and when I didn't say anything, she snorted and left, -"Good friend hunting!"

I growled in anger and kicked the soccer ball away, hitting someone. I ignored who was the victim and stomped away in fury. Sucking it on Frank? Me? No fucking way. If Ymir wasn't a girl, I'd be punching her to death. She didn't know what she was talking about. That bitch's gonna be in real trouble if she doesn't keep that mouth of hers shut. I wasn't sucking it on Frank, he lets me be with his guys because I was cool, a cool guy and because I was good at soccer… right?

I entered the gym and began beating the punching bag. Hell… it turned out that I couldn't beat a girl… a girl of all creatures. A girl beat me at soccer! My sport! My passion! Was I that bad?

Instead of being depressed, I was angry at myself and everyone. In the punching bag, I saw images of everything and everyone: Eren, Mikasa, Reiner, Ymir, twelve two, my mother, Levi, Pixis, the principal… Marco…; I began to punch it harder and harder, my knuckles aching, but I didn't stop.

The gym's door slammed open, -"Hey! Watch where you kick that ball of yours!"- Reiner's voice didn't stop me from punching the bag, -"I was talking to you!"- He took my arm and pulled me around. When I turned around harshly, I immediately clenched my fist and aimed at him. He didn't flinch or anything, he stood his ground, definitely ready to take a blow and punch me back if needed, but he wasn't that kind of person, -"I know you're pissed, but that doesn't mean you have to take it out on others that don't have anything to do with your rage."

I sighed angrily and ignorantly, turning back on the punching bag, only to be stopped by Reiner's hand again, -"Can't you leave a guy alone?! I'm tired of your shit!"

A scowl formed on his face when I said that, but he ignored it and pointed outside, -"Apologize."

As much as I didn't want to accept it, he was right. I sighed ignorantly and walked outside to get this over with, receiving a few glares from the group. I wanted to know who was the luckless. Of course, I didn't do it on purpose, I was angry and not on control. Even so, I hoped it was Ymir or Eren, but when I reached the benches and saw Marco leaned on Mikasa's lap, I froze. Reiner pushed me further and I saw him completely: he didn't have Kat's coat anymore, so I figured he gave it to her. He had his beanie back, but not the AC jacket; he had the school's white buttoned shirt which was a little tainted with ink. I looked at his face and figured that's where my ball hit him, but I asked anyway, -"Where…?"

Mikasa looked up to me, glaring, -"You did it."- She signaled to his side of his face where he received the balloon's impact, which was now chili red and a step closer to being swollen. His eye lid was a bit dark though. He was dazed, eyes closing slowly. I looked away, biting my lips. God, I… worsen his side of his face. It was my entire fault that he'd probably go to a hospital; he was dizzy and God knows when he'll wake up.

I heard mutters, -"Is he okay?"

-"Jean's done it now."

-"Why on the new guy, Jean?"- That was Reiner.

I turned to him, -"Look, I didn't do it on purpose, okay? I just… lost it, y'know? I didn't know it hit him!"

Eren snorted, -"Yeah, sure,"- He sat beside Mikasa, who was slowly caressing Marco's face, -"Don't believe him. I saw him throwing water balloons and eggs on new guys."

I turned to Eren, -"Shut up, Yaeger! That doesn't mean anything! I didn't throw anything to Marco!"- Lies, lies, lies.

-"It means a lot. Why not throw him a soccer ball to finish his day?"- He kept bragging and I was losing it.

I ignored him and looked around. Everyone was around us, waiting for an answer, looking at Marco and me… then, Marco moaned and fluttered his eyes open, wincing. When he saw where his head was, he quickly lifted it, blushing, embarrassed; even more when he saw the people around him. I wouldn't be embarrassed if Mikasa caressed me, that lucky bastard… first Kat and now Mikasa? A prick of jealousy hit me again, -"He… didn't do it on purpose."- He said and looked at me.

After all that happened today, he defends me…

-"He still has to apologize!"- Everyone exclaimed.

I had to apologize. I knew that more than anyone here, but why now in front of all these people? It was embarrassing and not cool; it'll make me look like a cry baby. If I did, I'd be changing my profile for them. I had to apologize… later, when he's alone. Yeah, I'll do that. I just hoped he doesn't leave school early.

Without anything else to do, I shrugged like I didn't give a fuck and walked away as a horrible knot clutched my chest along with guilt. Some went after me, but Reiner said it wasn't worth the sweat. When physical education was done, I had to stay for practice. The soccer team was already reunited outside in the field. Before I met them though, I saw Marco alone in a bench waiting to be picked up and I thought that was my chance to apologize. Checking that no one saw me leaving the field, I sat beside Marco.

He was reading that book and when I sat, he perks his head up in surprise and I froze again: I could literally see the mark of my soccer ball on the right side of his face; it was redder than his left side, his eye in the brink of being swollen. After several awkward moments, he spoke lowly, tired, -"Hi, Jean… um, I-"- His kindness and smile didn't fade though.

I raised my hand in a gesture to shut him up, -"Wait, before you speak, I wanted to say that I'm…,"- I sighed; I had to say it, or else the knot I had wouldn't go, -"… I'm sorry about before. I totally didn't do it on purpose, I was just… angry and kicked the ball,"- I looked at him and his face, not stopping my mouth. I looked down, kind of ashamed, -"I can't control my temper… it's frustrating and that looked like I was taking it out on you. I'm so sorry."- That was the first time I apologized to him and actually, the first time I apologized at all.

He stared at me, blushing a bit. Then, he awkwardly leaned, placing his hand on my shoulder, -"Oh… it's okay, it's okay! It's nothing, really!"- How could he say that after all he'd been through today? He now had a worried face, -"You looked really pissed off… what happened?"

I shrugged, -"Just… stuff. I just discussed with someone, that's all. I felt like the whole world was on me,"- Lie. I wasn't angry because of what Ymir said, because I knew from the bottom that she was right. I was angrier at what Frank and my girlfriend did to him, but I wouldn't say that to him. Though, from the way he looked at me… he knew.

He nodded and looked away, completely understanding me about the whole world thing. I wasn't surprised, -"I see…,"- He looked like he wanted to give me an advice, instead, he changed the subject, -"Hey, I wanted to ask you something…"

I nodded to him, -"Yeah?"

His face lit up, excitement filling him, -"It's about the draw. How did you know how to clean it? It was amazing, the ink was totally gone!"

-"I uh… just knew, it's obvious,"- I shrugged and waited to see if he fell for it. He didn't, giving me that skeptical look. I snorted, -"I used to take classes."

His smile grew, -"Really? With who?"- He was curious and very excited to find someone like him actually talking to him about it. Sadness suddenly invaded me…

-"I uh… forgot her name,"- I tried to think of my drawing class teacher's name, scratching my forehead, -"It was… Marianne… Buckshovich?"

He gasped and before he could answer me, Frank called out to me and at that moment, a car halted in front of us, Marco's pick up, -"Where the fuck is Jean? Don't tell me that asshole didn't come!"

I quickly stood up and so did he. He had his mouth open, but I spoke first, afraid that Frank saw me with him, -"Sorry, gotta go."

He looked at the car and then at me, -"Oh… me too."

He wanted to say goodbye, but I was already running in the field.