A/N: Own nothing. Just borrowing! Enjoy.
Brittany's head was swirling. Uncontrollably concocting images of that night's events'. Santana's words burned in her mind, her brain filling in details and creating scenery unknown to her. She was overwhelmed to say the very least. Emotions ran rampant and she was unsure of how to make sense of most of them. First of all, she was sad that Quinn would use Brittany's "naïveté" against Santana and against Brittany herself. Besides the Latina, Quinn was the one person, one friend, who understand Brittany on a deeper level. Quinn understood that it was the name calling, the teasing, the verbal abuse that turned Brittany into the ditz everyone labeled her as. Brittany unwillingly internalized her public persona, instead of claiming her own space. The fight against the names was one she would never be over. Quinn, however, was privy to Brittany's "real" side. The one that loved numbers and words, and would help Santana with her calculus homework and helped Quinn edit her college essay. Brittany felt safer showing her real self with her best friends; always more comfortable helping others than helping herself. Quinn was always amazed that Brittany was able to comprehend theorems and pieces of literature meant for a college student, but struggled to get through Algebra II. It was only after a long talk with Santana that Quinn finally came to understand Brittany's special brand of genius. It might not make sense, but with Quinn and Santana, Brittany felt like she made sense.
For years, Brittany allowed Santana and Quinn to be the ring leaders of their posse. Rarely did she feel the need to assert herself, and for better or worse, assumed her friends kept her best interests in mind. But, not more. She needed to prove to Santana that she no longer was going to sit around and wait for things to happen for her. She was no longer going to take the easy road. In her previous life, Brittany shied away from confrontation. It made her incredibly uncomfortable - to think that the other person was building up ammunition against her - ran chills up her spine. Brittany came off as rainbows and unicorns with intention. However, she realized that she was no longer in a place in her life where she could go with the flow. For too long she let others dictate her actions, but now she was carving her own life. Which is what led her to this moment, sitting in a coffee shop off the beaten path waiting for Quinn to meet her.
Brittany hears the sounds of the door opening, and sees Quinn bustle in from the streets. Right away she can tell Quinn is on the defensive. Quinn usually oozes confidence and composure, every hair in the perfect place, each pearl with the perfect glisten. And, while today she still looks beautiful, Quinn's hazel eyes are a dead gift away that she is leary of what lies ahead. For once, Brittany has an upper hand. The taller blonde waves over to Quinn and pushes the green tea latte she had ordered, remembering how much the lawyer loved them. At the sight, Quinn immediately softens.
"Thanks, B" she smiles warmly, "Surprised you remembered. Pretty sure you changed your own order everything at Lima Bean because you would forget what you ordered last time." Quinn giggles and seemingly shakes her head at the memory.
It takes everything in Brittany not to immediately unleash on Quinn and remark on how it seems thematic for Quinn to question Brittany'S varying mental abilities. However, Brittany's intention is to take the upper hand in this conversation, specifically picking a public place, where she could not get too loud and intentionally giving herself a clear exit.
So, instead of going off, Brittany returns Quinn's smile, "Well, we were best friends. Though right now I am struggling to remember why."
Quinn almost chokes on her latte as Brittany so casually cuts her down and then, without batting an eyelash, hands the choking blonde a napkin. Quinn wipes her chin, "What are you talking about, Brittany?"
"Look, Q, I am not here to catch up or gab like old friends. I am here to finally for the one time in my life stand up for myself and to stand up to you." Quinn goes to say something, but Brittany holds up her hand. "This really isn't meant to be a conversation, I really just want you to listen for once without imposing your will."
Quinn visibly gulps. She had never seen Brittany like this before. The dancer's eyes were steely gray, as if a storm was taking over an ocean, and she spoke with a clipped monotony. This isn't the typical, bubbly Brittany that Quinn had grown accustomed to over their years in high school. This was an assertive, adult Brittany. A Brittany she only saw once in a blue moon. The short blonde just nods her head, allowing for the taller blonde to continue.
"I know what happened between you and Santana. Well, I know Santana's version of what happened, and frankly that is really all I care about" Brittany begins, "It is beyond obvious that the two of you have shit to iron out and need more help in getting over this crazy love-hate relationship you thrived on in high school. I will leave it at that. What I am here to say is that never again will you tell her how I feel about her, because Quinn you absolutely have no idea how I feel about her. You have no idea what our relationship was or is meant to be, and quite honestly, it doesn't matter what the fuck you think. What happens between me and Santana is determined and understood by me and Santana. Exclusively. Nod if you understand."
Quinn's mind is whirring a mile a minute, trying to take in everything Brittany is saying, while also trying to develop some kind of response that isn't sorry, while also being blown away by the person sitting in front of her. She nods and before having a second to breathe, Brittany continues.
"You had no fucking right to impose your analysis of me, my intelligence, my intentions or my motives when trying to tear Santana to pieces. The fact that you even brought me into an argument about Santana's behavior shows how petty you are, and how truly unaware you are of people's emotions. I get that she is difficult, I get she can be crass and rude and emotionally unavailable, but she is also sensitive and caring and loyal and above all else so utterly self conscious about all those things. And you know that. You know everything about us, Q, and you fucking use it to tear us down. You can really be such a manipulative bitch. I get this was a long time ago, and I understand and pray you have grown up, but I need to make myself perfectly clear. Never will you impose yourself on my relationship with Santana. Never will you use our weaknesses against us because I won't stand for it anymore. I love you, Q. Always have, always will. I don't hold grudges, but I promise I pick her every time and if you can't make it right with her, then you lose me too."
Before Quinn can even say a word, Brittany is nothing but a flash of long blonde hair and the jingle of a door.
Santana sits at the piano in a rehearsal room at Hell to the No. The budding star is waiting for Artie, Brittany and the production crew to begin filming the first part of their video. Santana was surprised that they were able to do it all at the offices, but apparently Artie had spent time with members of the production crew transforming some of the dance rooms.
The previous night had been a long with Santana. After breaking down to Mercedes, she found little solace in staying at the office and found herself driving towards the coast. Hoping the serenity of the ocean would calm her down and bring her some solitude. Sitting on the sand, staring at the crashing waves, Santana's mind did anything but rest. Instead it ran through a catalogue of her past - the night with Quinn, which was really just the end of some other beginning, her first few months in LA trying to find her footing, reuniting with Mercedes and the incredible friendship that has grown, and finally, but certainly of most importance, her run in with Brittany in the dance studio rang clearly in her mind.
The words Santana had been waiting years to hear were finally spoken. Was it closure? How could it be closure when Santana was nowhere near ready to say goodbye, but also not ready to welcome the blonde back into her life, and Santana knew that there was no way the two of them could just be friends. Even the notion of that was ridiculous. The Latina idly runs her fingers across the keys, before banging out a melody
I lie to my heart 'cause I thought you felt it
You can't light a fire, if the candles melted
No you don't have to love me
If you don't wanna
Don't act like I mean nothing
But, if you're gonna
Well, when you're better off
Unkiss me, untouch me
Untake this heart
And i'm missing
Just one thing
A brand new star
Unkiss me, untouch me
Untake this heart
Her voice trembles over the last words of her rendition of Maroon 5's techno laced love song. Tears thicken the back of her throat, and threaten to fall from her eyes. She all but slams the keys of the piano thinking about how it easy this would all be if she could forget everything that Brittany meant, means, to her. How strong the bond between the two is, and how even though now frayed, still holds her together. She just wished she never knew the beauty of the blonde's face, the softness of her skin, the electric quality of her kiss, and the magnitude of her love.
A cough pulls Santana from her own thoughts, and she glances towards the door only to find Artie and Brittany. Artie looks the most uncomfortable, as he glances between the two women. Brittany's blue eyes are clouded, tears at their brim. Santana cannot be sure how long the two have been in the room, listening to her sing, but judging from Brittany's face and reaction, the message of the song was heard.
"Sorry to interrupt, Santana" Artie says as he rolls toward the table set up in the corner, "Um, are you ready to prep for the first filming session? Everything is set up in the practice space. I just wanted to review with you and Brittany first." Once again, the man's eyes were darting back and forth between the two women. Things haven't been this awkward between the three of them since his sophomore year in high school, when he walked in on his then girlfriend, Brittany, and Santana talking particularly close at a Glee party.
"No, it's not an issue" Santana replies, and for the first time takes her eyes of the blonde and moves them down to her fidgeting hands, "I just lost myself for a second there." She plasters a fake smile on, and looks over to Artie who has begun to unpack his belongings at the table.
Brittany still remains motionless by the door and on a whim, Santana glides toward the blonde and grabs her hand, "Brittany" she says and waits patiently for blue eyes to meet her brown ones. "I didn't mean for you to hear that. I am trying to make sense of a lot of emotions that are buzzing through me right now, and sometimes singing helps me. But, I really don't want you to read into that, I just…"
The blonde seems to snap out of her trance like state, and truly focuses on the Latina, "You use singing, like I use dancing."
Santana smiles at the most simple of connections the two share, "Yeah, I do, Britt. But, really I didn't mean for you to hear that."
Without missing a beat Brittany replies, "I didn't mean to make you feel like that."
Santana does not have a verbal response, she just squeezes Brittany's hand before pulling the taller girl towards the table where Artie is waiting.
Artie coughs again, as if testing the air and seeing if it was okay to speak, "Alright" he flips open his binder and there on the first page are the words Love in the Dark. "Santana decided that the opening number should be Love in the Dark, and the more thought about it, the more I agree. There is a constant theme of light throughout the entire album, and whether intentional or not, this song will truly set the stage, so to speak, for the our use of the light as a visual element."
Before Artie can continue, Brittany speaks up "Was it intentional?" The blonde cocks her head towards the other woman in question.
Santana gulps, trying to buy time, "Was what intentional?"
"The use of light throughout the album. Did you realize you were doing that?"
"Um, yeah" Santana replies quietly.
" Why" Brittany asks innocently. When Santana looks down the blonde immediately responds, "Sorry, you obviously don't have to tell me. Um, it would just be helpful to try to understand the emotion you were trying to invoke in the words, so that I can reply to those or create my own responses with the dance…"
Though Artie might not be able to tell, this is Brittany's subtle way of trying to understand what Santana was feeling through their break up. It had nothing to do with the dance, it had to do with Brittany trying to piece together Santana's experience and reconnect. The brunette decides that this might be advantageous, using the album as a way for the two to understand their own emotions surrounding their rift might allow them to avoid the all encompassing awkward conversation.
Santana sighs, "Love is light. When it's gone, you notice that things darken, and the dark can be all encompassing. Light exposes things, and makes things real. This song focuses on needing truth to love, needing answers, needing compromise. I guess the other song with light is I Miss You, and it's about how light or the absence of light leaves you alone with your emotions" Santana shrugs in reply.
The blonde just nods and runs her hand over the words on the page.
"Thanks for that Santana, trying to get into your head through more than just the lyrics will really allow all of us to have the greatest artistic influence over this tour."
All three focus back on the binder, as the artistic director goes over his vision for the beginning video which involves both women. "We will open with a still shot of Brittany getting out of a cab and approaching a door, in downtown LA, all of these 'real life' shots will be filmed later on and edited in. When Santana opens the door, the entire stage and screen will go dark, but slowly a light will flicker on the screen. Emanating from a table with a single lamp." Artie continues on, and when he reaches the next song, Artie glances back up Santana and Brittany, "Are we ready?"
All the two women can do is nod, before the three exit and head towards the shoot room.
Two days later, Brittany and Santana find themselves sitting in a conference room with Artie and Mercedes. Artie had finished his cut on Love in the Dark, and he wanted to get the team's finalized opinion on the opening number, before continuing head on with the rest of the video series. The artistic director wanted to ensure a common thread was woven through all eight numbers, and that thread had to be established in this first shoot.
The two performers were both still mentally, physically, and most of all emotionally exhausted from the close to 6 hours they had put into the shoot just two days ago. Not only were the singer and dancer giving their everything to the piece, the two in question also had to battle the emotional background that came with this work. Brittany had actually never heard the song, so there were times when she would completely drop character, which is funny because her character is herself.
Artie wanted to do their best to get the entire sequence in one extended shoot. The film range was small, working with a closed set, and Artie felt that emotion was better expressed in this long form.
After the shoot ended, Mercedes gave both Santana and Brittany the following day off - she and Artie would finalize the film, while also working with the artistic team to move the project forward. The 24 hours, though brief, also gave Santana and Brittany time to come to terms with the emotional onslaught they were about to go through. If Love in the Dark was a go, the goal was to get through the next 7 songs in 13 days. The tour was leaving in 21. The 13 day approach gave them a week for any major edits or redoes.
"Mercedes? Will you hit the lights?" Artie has just finished setting his computer up to the Apple TV in the conference room and is ready to showcase his work. "Here we go team, for the first time ever, I present to you Love in the Dark by Santana Lopez."
Brittany and Santana are both sitting at the far end of the table from the screen, wanting to get the full picture. Their chairs are about 3 feet apart, but Brittany deftly inches closer and closer to the brunette.
The screen comes to life and the beginning of the tour is set just as Artie had explained two days prior. Focusing on Brittany's return into Santana's life. When the lamp comes back into focus, the viewer is brought into what is meant to be a room in Santana's apartment, though artistically it is quite sparse - nothing but a table with the lamp on the middle, a door on the far left end and a wall with photos on the far right. The camera pans out from the lighted lamp, and you see the blonde and brunette standing across the table from one another, Brittany standing by the door with the handle of her bag in one hand and Santana with her back turned, arms wrapped around her body. Soon, music floods in and Santana's voice picks up.
Take your eyes off of me so I can leave
I'm far too ashamed to do it with you watching me
This is never ending, we have been here before
But I can't stay this time cause I don't love you more
The frame stays wide, as the Brittany dramatically gestures towards Santana, begging and pleading with her, seemingly to turn around and look at her. Santana stays stoic, with her back turned to the blonde, acting as if Brittany's words have no impact on her. However, the audience can see the brunette losing her composure. Shaking hands, heaving chest give away her calmness. The Santana on screen slowly turns to face Brittany who has begun to make her way across the room.
Please stay where you
Don't come any closer
Don't try to change my mind
I'm being cruel to be kind
Brittany halts her movements momentarily, but sides step the table and Santana mirrors her movements keeping the distance and the table between the two. Brittany's movements around the table are full of grace, composure and light. While Santana's movements are haunted and stiff.
I can't love you in the dark
It feels like we're oceans apart
There is so much space between us
Maybe we're already defeated
Ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me
The women have now ended up on opposite sides of the room. Brittany continuing to plead and beg with Santana, pulling letters out of her pockets. Putting them on the table, flooded in light. Gesturing to her heart and then pointing at Santana. The blonde pulls a bracelet out of jacket.
We're not the only ones
I don't regret a thing
Every word I've said
You know I'll always mean
It is the world to me
That you are in my life
But I want to live
And not just survive
This is the one time in the video that Santana is singing the words of the song. It is as if she is watching Brittany's tirade and reacting in such form. The singer has broken the fourth wall and joins the audience in watching the blonde beg for her back. Tears stream down the brunettes face as she sings to Brittany. On the words survive, Brittany has backed up to wall of photos and in one swift motion, completely throws herself over the table and lamp and lands in a standing somersault in front of Santana.
That's why I can't love you in the dark
It feels like we're oceans apart
There is so much space between us
Maybe we're already defeated
The dichotomy between the words of the song and the actually spacing of the two performers is staggering. Brittany has Santana almost pushed against the wall, the singers face in her hands, wiping tears away with the pads of the thumbs. Before she spins and leads the brunette in a simplified move from the pas de deux. Slowly Santana gains her control back, and moves Brittany towards the door, bag in tow.
'Cause yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah
Everything changed me
And i-i-i-I-I don't think you can save me
The final shot is Santana shutting off the lamp.
"Wow" Mercedes breathes, bringing everyone in the room back to reality. Santana was so enthralled with the video that she didn't even realize she was crying or that Brittany's hand was interlaced with hers on her lap.
A/N: Ah. That was tough to write. I wish I could just let you all into my head with this video montage. Video reaction/flashbacks from S&B plus Quinn/Santana showdown (?) in the next update. Thanks for sticking with me!