NINE

-"What the fuck, Jean? That's not how you do it!"

Frank's shouting was pissing me off really bad. I understood him though, I was failing at everything. The warms up, the running, the ball kicking and the practice game; I was left behind and no matter how hard I tried to keep up with everyone… I stayed back. All that just made me angry. I wasn't proving myself as a good soccer player; I wasn't proving that I was one of them…

After the running, I had my hands on my knees, panting, out of breath and that wasn't like the other larger runs. What's happening to me? God! I felt weak!

I felt someone's hand on my shoulder, -"Tired already? Pft, lame."- The hand on my shoulder felt like George was going to give me an advice, but he didn't. I saw him walk, full of pride, throwing kisses to the girls on the benches. My girlfriend was there… fuck.

George was a tall, black haired guy that reminded me of Berthold, though, comparing now… Berthold was taller. Where the hell did that come from?

After the runs, we practiced the kicking and I… failed. My mind was dozed and I didn't know why, my mood was also down. Everyone booed at my blunders, others laughed, Frank growled angrily and I was fucked up.

When I was about to make another kick, Frank took me away,-"What the hell is wrong with you? You're a failure."

I flinched at that. I didn't expect it. I choked my head, -"I dunno, Frank. My mind's like… in another planet. I really don't understand…"- I took a deep breath. I was being honest with him.

He scoffed, not really caring, -"Whatever. Just land already and play. We're the best soccer players, so at least try to be good or else."- His tone was serious. He left.

I watched him go, frozen, disappointed. Then, I felt my mood go down even deeper. Did I just expect an advice and consolation from him? It was obvious I didn't have his, or anyone's, support here. I was on my own. Suddenly, Reiner's words echoed in me.

Then, the practice game began and the team divided into two groups. As I played at the front, I realized that everyone was avoiding me, preventing the ball come to me. Also, there was no team work, no support; this wasn't a real game, I knew that, but come on…

Why was I yearning for teamwork now of all times? What I needed to do was prove myself and enhance my skills.

So much for enhancing my skills. No one kicked the ball to me. I realized no one wanted me to fuck the game. Finally when someone did, accidentally though, I ran towards the goal and when I went in for the kick, Ymir's words about me sucking it on Frank echoed too and I failed the goal. I kicked it but it went off field.

Ha-ha-ha! Boo! Loser! Why is he in the game? Get him out!That's all I heard then and I looked down, ashamed, clutching my fists.

-"Jean! What the fuck was that!?"- Frank's said behind me.

I raised my head and clenched my teeth. I didn't wanted to stay hit like that, -"A kick! Isn't it obvious?"- I shouted back and I knew I would regret it.

A lot of uhhhinvaded the field from the girls on the benches and the guys playing. The next thing I saw was Frank right in front of me with a threatening pose, a scowl on his face. It's how fights started, faces a few inches away, -"What did you say, huh? I want you to say it again."

I looked away from him, feeling his breath in my face, hearing his angry growl perfectly. I didn't say anything and looked at the ground.

Several silent moments passed, -"Yeah, that's what I thought,"- He stepped back and continued the 'game', -"Move it people!"

He didn't told me to leave the game or to stay, so I stayed and tried doing my best as a defender and I did better to compensate Frank, but he didn't say anything in the process. When practice ended at five o' clock, he gestured me to stay. We sat at the benches as the others gathered their stuff to leave; my girlfriend waited for me and I knew I had two scolding to come.

I was nervous and wanted to apologize, but I didn't, it wasn't right.

-"Jean, I'm gonna be brief at this, so listen,"- He sighed angrily and pushed his hair back with his hand, abhorred at my situation, -"You're surprising me, y'know? You ain't like that. You're pissing me off,"- That was obvious, -"I don't care shit about whatever happened to you that put you like that. I'm gonna have to take serious actions if you don't straighten your balls up and play like you should. I want the best soccer players here, not losers, understand?"

I knew that serious actions meant my exile from the 'team'. I just nodded and said nothing.

-"I ain't hearing what I want to hear, Jean."

I sighed and stood silent for a moment, -"I understand, Frank."- I said finally.

He hmph-ed and left, leaving me with my girlfriend.

On with the other scold, -"What the hell was all that?"- Her voiced was high and sharp, obviously angry. I stood to gather all my stuff. I was going to answer her like I did to Frank, but I just shrugged instead, which made her angrier, -"Answer me!"

I turned around hastily, -"I don't know, okay!? There's a lot on my mind that I don't understand, that's all! I didn't have a good day!"- I couldn't believe that this was our second day as pairs and were already fighting. I turned again to gather my stuff.

-"That was completely not like you! You're better than that! Frank almost threw you away! You made yourself look like a loser and me the loser's girlfriend! Not cool!"

I turned around again, realization hitting me, -"What? Is that what you care about? About how you look? You don't even worry about me?"- I definitely couldn't believe this.

She stood quiet for a moment, figuring out how to answer me. She began to toy with her curls, -"Of… course I do. I love you, okay? And this is not what I want for you. I want you to be the best at this, I want you have the best friends and girlfriend, but you gotta-"

-"Why don't you try to be honest for once? Please, for me, if you really love me."

She toyed with her curls again, avoiding eye contact with me, -"What does that mean? Hey, I'm trying to help here, okay?"

-"Help? Yeah, sure,"- I turned again and continued with the gathering, almost finishing, -"Look, it's fine, you're fine. Let's forget all this."- I was already tired and pissed off.

-"You doubt my intentions with you? Ugh!"- She kept muttering furiously, -"Look, just don't make me look bad in front of many people, okay? Especially not in front of Frank! I wanna have the best soccer player boyfriend and-"

I grunted and turned around hastily again, kissing her. I knew that'd shut her up. She quickly answered it. That's what she liked. Her hand climbed my neck and traveled my hair, pushing the kiss. When she bit my tongue, I pulled back and looked seriously at her and shocked my head, finished picking my stuff.

She then kept bragging about how she didn't meant what she said, that she was just tired too. When I took off my Nikes and was about to put them on my bag, I saw a flash of blue and red mixed with fire red. When I opened my eyes, I saw someone I didn't expect to be there: Superman. I gasped. The draw Marco did; the draw I fixed. I took it and lifted it to see it better. It was perfectly painted: Superman with his usual colors, the earth and the plane on fire falling towards him. The fire looked real, everything looked real and it appeared as if Superman may come out any second now. He looked alive and powerful with the colors. Back then with the ink, he looked dark and depressed. The colors gave him life. It was perfect and beautiful, but why would Marco leave it here? Above all, when did he?

My mood went up immediately, happiness filled me. I liked the draw a lot, loved it. Marco made his way into my thoughts, thinking possibilities of why he left it here. It quickly faded though, as I admired the draw. Memories of me sitting on the floor watching Justice League surfaced… I was like returning to my old self…

It all crashed down, -"Wait… is that…?"- Trisha noticed my sudden weird acting and was figuring out the draw. God, if she realized…

Thankfully, I heard Mom's car horn.

-"Uh, nothing!"- I quickly shoved the draw in the bag, hoping I didn't damage it. Finishing, I took the bag and put it around me, -"I have to go. Uh… see you tomorrow."

I turned to leave, but Trisha stopped me, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me again, -"Goodbye, honey. Hey,"- She whispered to me. I thought she was going to apologize, but she didn't. Her hand traveled down to my pants, -"Stay hot and I might melt."

Lies. When she was about to dug into them, I stopped her, -"Please, don't…,"- I looked away to my Mom's car, wondering if she was watching me. My mood dropped again as I recalled what happened earlier, -"… I haven't gotten over what just happened."- I kissed her goodbye and left to the car.

The whole car drive to home was dead silent. I didn't speak to my mom and neither did she. Not even how was your day?or Good afternoon, son, so I figured she was still mad at me and guess what, mom? So am I! Though, I kept glancing at her. She looked tired and had dark circles under her eyes that meant she hadn't gotten any sleep. I suddenly felt worried and wanted to ask her, but I kept my mouth shut.

When we arrived home, I quickly left the car and inside, I found my father looking for food in the refrigerator, -"Welcome home, son!"- He said, still looking.

-"Hey, dad."- I said and made my way to the stairs. My father wanted to say something else, but once I was in my room, I shut the door close. I sighed, my room was a mess. Sitting on my bed, I took everything off, throwing both my school backpack and practice bag away. I threw myself back at my bed and stared at the ceiling.

That's when my father came in, worried, -"Hey, son, you okay?"

I sighed, -"Fine."- I said, hoping he'd leave me alone.

He didn't, -"Well… it doesn't look like it and by what your mother tells me…"- He sat beside me.

I sighed again, glaring at him, -"I said I'm fine."

-"Look, son, I know when you're not 'fine', alright? I'm your father and if there's something I can do, is supporting my son and fix his problems,"- He looked at me, wistfully, -"Isn't that what fathers do?"

I sighed for the third time and sat up, not looking at him. To be honest, I didn't liked this stuff. I wasn't a kid and I kind of felt the same way I did with mom with him. My father's obsessed with work. He's always working, all week, day and night. He never knows when he's called for work. That disconnected my relation with him, but now I saw that kind of longing in his eyes of playing baseball with his son. He looked worried and very, very tired, just like mom. Thing around us weren't good. For all I cared. I'd be leaving next year for college. Those stuffs fixed themselves.

I had to give him an answer though, -"I just had a bad day, that's all."

I felt his cold hand on my bare shoulder and I guessed that there was air conditioning in his work, which I was completely unaware of; not that I cared where he worked, -"I understand. It happens to me a lot,"- I looked at him now; he still had his work uniform and was looking up at the ceiling, -"I miss you and your mom a lot when I'm not here…,"- Was he saying that all his days were bad? That seemed more like a thought of him, not supposed to be spoken. When he looked back down, he looked at me, smiling, -"It's okay, son! Don't let bad days ruin you! I'm sure that in the end of it, there's something good waiting for you!"- He looked childish.

I stared at him. He was kind of weird today. Most of the time, he was antisocial and rude. Today, he was the opposite; he was still tired, but talkative and weirdly cheered. Was he really trying to reconnect our relation and mom's? After all the time that passed when he didn't even say goodbye when he left for work?

I appreciated him trying to cheer me up, because it was stupid, I was just tired. I just nodded and acted like he was right, -"Yeah… sure."- My voice didn't sound like it though.

He gave me a worried look, -"Um, well, how about a family dinner, eh?"

I looked at him in shock, not expecting that, -"A… what?"- I scratched the back of my head, -"I'm not hungry, dad."- At that moment, my stomach grumbled.

He laughed, -"Sure you're not! Change up and come downstairs, okay?"

I sighed in defeat.

After changing into the usual pajamas, I went downstairs and sat in the dining table, a plate of smashed potato and salad waiting for me. My stomach grumbled again and I quickly took the fork and began to eat, ignoring the fact that we never had anything like this. It was mostly snacks.

-"Hey, slow down, son. You don't want to choke do you?"- My father laughed as he placed a glass of water beside my plate. I wanted to thank him, but my mouth was full.

Then, my mother sat too and took a bite of the smashed potato, -"Hmmm, it ain't bad, though not as good as mine,"- She snickered and continued eating, -"Where did ya' learned to cook like this? It's supposed to be my job!"

My dad blushed shyly, rubbing his cheek with his finger, -"I've been… improving a little."- He smiled though.

-"Ya' improved all right!"

In the kitchen counter, I saw a cooking book. I see,he's been practicing and he had planned this a long time ago, I bet.

I practically finished my plate in minutes while mom and dad were still eating. My ass seemed stuck as I drank water though, I didn't leave and we had a nice conversation about different things. It was a small conversation… but nice and comfy, one we didn't had in months.

When they finished and mom sat to watch TV, I asked dad, -"Hey, dad, what have you been up to?"- It was an indirect as to: Hey, dad, where the hell do you work? I hoped he didn't catch it, that'd make me look as a horrible son that doesn't know where his dad works.

He laughed, totally catching it, -"Computer engineering. My last computer fixing was at Sina, so I travel a lot and it's exhausting."

-"Exhausting? You sit and fix computers, how's that tiresome?"- I quickly asked. The question escaped my mouth.

He smiled, -"It's not as easy as you think, son: cables here and there, travel here and there. I haven't gotten much sleep either."- He yawned as the washed the dishes.

I leaned on the wall near him, -"Oh, yeah. I guess that's right."

-"Also,"- He added and moved closer to me as if telling something top secret, putting his wet hands on his mouth, -"I've been writing too."

I almost gasped, -"Really? On… what?"- Now, that was something I didn't expect. Dad? Writing books? Nah.

He shhhme and went back to washing dishes, -"It's still not done. Don't tell your mom."

I nodded to him.

After that, I went upstairs again. So, my dad's the one making money here. Cool. Well, it's obvious since my mom's not working, but fixing computers and writing books? Wow. At least we're surviving. I had to credit him for that.

I looked at the clock; it was nine already so I went to take a shower. All naked, thoughts flowed into me as I leaned on the humid wall. I really hated these times when you're alone and all sorts of thoughts get into you. I couldn't help it. Today's events rewind in my mind like a movie. Summary: One hell of a day.

I acted weird, or better yet, something weird happened to me today. I was out of control, my temper always getting the better of me. It's always like that. Today, though, I did things I didn't expect to do. The point is this was the third day of school; the first ones weren't that intense. I wondered if things had to do with Marco, because he came and I screwed everything up. What the hell? The guy comes and weirdly reminds you a lot of your old self and brings you memories you thought you had once forgotten. Of course he didn't do it on purpose, but that's the thing. He doesn't even try. On the other hand, he gets into you, like pierces you hard without wanting to. He's the type guy that you can't understand, no matter what. I have questioned him the whole day as to why the hell after so much pressure he stills smiles or doesn't leave the school or whatever. I had been part of that pressure and at the end, he leaves me a draw. How's that? I had helped him clean the ink off the draw, which is one of the things I didn't expect to do. Like I said, weird.

There were many things in my mind now, like my girlfriend and Frank, what happened just hours ago, what Ymir said, what happened minutes ago with mom and dad, but Marco simply popped in my mind, like: why did he leave the draw on my bag? When? Why was he like that? Why did he remind me of myself? How did he manage to do the push-ups? The sit-ups? Why defend me after I kicked a ball at him? Ugh. Everything connected with him. He was like the mastermind.

Like always, I came to the conclusion that I was stressed and had a long day, knowing that it wasn't that. Many people were playing with my mind, like playing tricks on me or simply… something's changing or maybe I am again.

I had to stop. Besides, thinking about a guy while taking a long shower was weird. So I finished quickly and threw my body into my bed. Out of nothing, I took Marco's draw from my bag right beside the bed and shoved it into the school's backpack. My phone began to vibrate, it was my girlfriend, but I didn't answer her, so I fell asleep.

I had dreams about a flying Superman chasing Assassins.