Santana rolls over in her bed without opening her eyes, she doesn't need to open her eyes to feel the Los Angeles sunlight streaming in through her first floor window. She must have forgotten to close her black out blinds when she returned home last night. The brunette cannot stand to be awake before she truly feels ready, and lately it feels like she can never get enough sleep. As she turns to roll towards the middle of her bed, she is met with unexpected resistance. What undoubtedly felt like limbs surfaced as an obstacle in her path. Brown eyes pop open, and focus in on a mess of familiar blonde hair, splayed across "her" side of the bed. Santana's breath begins to quicken. She quickly dives her hands under the covers, and breathes a sigh of relief when she realizes she is in fact wearing all her clothes. Slowly, she shakes the sleep out of her brain,stretches out her lithe muscles, rubs the dust from her eyes and slowly remembers the day before and the major steps she had taken in her career and potentially her relationship with Brittany.
Brittany.
Brittany.
Brittany.
Santana cannot help the small smile that cracks her face as she finds herself watching Brittany sleep. It's like no time has past since Santana would wait a few minutes every morning to wake Brittany up for cheer practice. Just like when they were teenages, Brittany was a fidgety sleeper; either spending her time gripping Santana, or with her arms haphazardly shoved under her pillow. Santana never knew what position she would find the blonde in each morning; the only thing she did know is that blonde would be there.
With her. Sharing time with her. Breathing the same air as her. Occupying the same space as her. Loving her.
The Latina sadly chuckles to herself before quietly getting out of bed to freshen up for the day.
Her AppleWatch dock reads 8:17 AM, relieved that she still at time before her 10:30 AM call time down at the studio. Both women had a big day ahead of them - with the successful conclusion to their first video piece, Artie and Mercedes were excited to move forward and film another portion today. Luckily, Artie had shared his vision boards with Brittany and Santana so they were not going in blind. Santana had vocal training this morning, while Brittany and Harry would finish up their choreo for Sweetest Devotion. Since Sweetest Devotion was one of Santana's more well known songs, Artie decided to make this one the most music video like. It would feature clips of the women separately - Santana in the recording studio singing and writing in her "apartment" which was really just a set, and Brittany in a ballet studio.
Artie thought the staccato beats of the song fit a ballet feature and would allow Brittany to get creative with two of her favorite styles - ballet and hip hop. This song would actually close the tour every night, but artistically Artie liked the idea of completing the first and last act back to back. This allowed all three artists to understand the arc of the story and be able to make stylistic changes as necessary over the next few weeks. Santana couldn't help but roll her eyes when she thought of how excited her former classmate looked going over more and more details. Santana never realized how talented or passionate Artie was in high school, obviously distracted by the boys affinity for her love, she never really gave him or his talents the light of Latina did her best to not think about high school for a variety reasons, but the main reason is that besides Mercedes, and well Brittany, high school was not something she looked favorably upon. And, the worst part, is the for the most part it was her own fault. She hated herself so much that she took it on everyone else. It was hard to have the light of her past out shine the overbearing dark.
Santana sighed to herself as she continued through her morning routine in front of her bathroom mirror. She stood at her single vanity - the other bedroom suite had a double vanity, but Santana had no one to share it with, so she willing took the smaller set up - primping and preening. Meticulously checking for rogue eyebrow hairs with her tweezers, before delicately washing her face and brushing her teeth. Because she was going to spend the majority of her day in the studio and on location in the city proper, Santana knew she would get a full face of make up from the crew, so she decided to keep it natural and just applied a little Burt's Bees to her full lips. She takes one more deep breath, and one last look in the mirror. She could handle this. Sure, waking up to Brittany for the first time in years was a little shocking, but they were both adults now. It would all be okay, or so she tried to convince herself.
As the singer swept through the bedroom, making her way towards her walk in closet on the opposite side of the room, she could not help but notice that Brittany had adjusted her sleeping position. The blonde's left hand was now gripping the sheets where Santana once lay, as she now was sprawled on back with her right arm flung over head. The singer couldn't help it when her breath caught at the sight. It wasn't hard to be enamored by the blonde's inherit beauty. The soft angles of her body, her muscles never losing their taut definition from years of dance. Her blonde hair as bright as it was when the girls were 7 years old. The way Santana's just too small clothes clung just too tightly on Brittany's elongated torso. The blonde, even though she had clothes left at the apartment because Santana never had the heart to truly discard them was adamant about wearing the Latina's clothes to bed the night before. Santana had to pull herself away from the scene, internally chastising herself.
There is too much left to talk about. There is too much unresolved. But, there are also so many feelings. Mutual feelings. Brittany had made it incredible clear how she felt, or else what she claimed to feel.
Could Santana really deny feelings for Brittany? Hadn't it always been Brittany? Wouldn't it always be Brittany?
Santana just finished pulling on her favorite Rolling Stones baseball tee and made an internal resolution to lay the groundwork with Brittany today. Before they continued down whatever road they were on, they had to have a real talk about their intentions. A lot was said yesterday, but that was past focused, Santana needed reassurance about the future. Their future.
As Santana made moves towards the kitchen, she decides it would be prudent to give Brittany some ample time to get herself ready and get back to her apartment before heading to the studio herself. The singer leaned down by her own bedside table, and gently brushed Brittany's blond hair out of her face before whispering out,
"Britt...Brittany" Santana stifled a giggle as Brittany frowned at the sound like always, but continued on sleeping; Resigned to the fact that the gentle approach was not going to work, Santana raised her voice a little "Yo, Pierce. Wake yo ass up!" Okay, maybe she raised her voice more than a little.
The blonde immediately shot up to a sitting position, with a confused look on her face as her head whipped back and forth. "What, what, where, what…" Brittany's blue eyes snapped to Santana's brown, and she immediately patted down her body to make sure she was wearing clothes. At this reaction, Santana can help but laugh out loud, as she was able to relate to what the blonde was dealing with herself just a few minutes ago.
.
"Don't worry, Britt." She smiled softly at the still very confused blonde in her bed "Nothing like that happened." The blonde still had not said a word and was almost staring at Santana as if she thought the Latina was a mirage, "judging by the empty wine glasses on the nightstands and the fact that I am pretty sure I didn't brush my teeth last night...I think we had a little too much to drink and we fell asleep mid conversation." The blonde just nodded and continued to sheepishly look at her ex girlfriend.
Santana's throat runs a little dry and she slowly loses her confidence, "Um anyways...I'll give you some space to get changed. It's right around 8:30ish and we have to be in the studio at 10:30, so you should still have some time to run home and change if need be." The words keep coming and she truly can't stop the flow of information from pouring out of her mouth. "Or, I mean, you can definitely shower here, your stuff is in the back of my closet. Well, um that probably wouldn't fit you anymore." Santana's eyes grew wide, "Not because you gained weight or anything, just because, well it's old and I haven't washed it in years, so probably has that weird musty smell. And you probably wouldn't want to wear that to work, but we can totally find something of mine that could fit you. It might just be a little small. Again, not a comment about your weight or how big you are, but just that I am a few inches shorter than you, and even in high school when you would wear my clothes they were definitely a little smaller on you. I mean, you still looked really good and all but..."
At this point, Santana hasn't taken a breath in 20 seconds, as she was about to open her mouth again, she freezes when she feels Brittany's hand cover hers on the bed. A silent physical representation that it is okay if Santana stops talking.
"Thanks, San. I'll be out in a minute" Brittany gives the Latina small smile, before, without much notice, leaning forward to the brunette sitting on the edge of the bed and placing a small kiss on her forehead.
Two pairs of eyes widen immediately, as Santana hops up from the bed and all but sprints to the door, while stumbling over her words, "Ah, right, in a minute, I will make some kissing, I mean coffee. Yeah yeah, I'll make coffee". As Santana closes the door behind her, she leans back against the door and breathes out a "holy shit".
"Holy shit" Brittany all but squeals, as she realizes that she just kissed Santana on the forehead. The blonde immediately throws herself back against the pillows and throws her hands over her face, and slowly starts hitting herself in the forehead. Mumbling to herself, "What we you thinking? Kissing her? Kissing her? After you made so much progress yesterday, and she seemed ready to let you back in fully so you could maybe start rebuilding and you go a share an intimate moment? UGH!"
Brittany rolls over onto her stomach and inhales deeply. Which she instantly realized was a major mistake. Her entire body was overwhelmed with the scent of Santana. It was amazing that even after all this time Santana's sheets still smelled the same. Did she use the same detergent as her parents did back in Lima? Brittany inhales again - maybe it was just her smell that had not changed, and it was pervasive to Brittany as ever. They always say that sense of smell has a strong link to memories, and the smell of Santana (and her sheets) certainly bring memories flooding back to Brittany. The warmness of her aroma, the almost deep nature of the smell, still brought the hairs of the nape of her neck to stand on end. It reminded her of days in the choir room, walks in the park, the most comfortable silence while staring into each other's eyes laying in bed. Her scent was something about Santana that did not change. What else about her hasn't changed?
Well, she still starts to ramble when she feels awkward, like she did after Brittany kissed her forehead. She acted almost like she did when Brittany first kissed her in her own bedroom all those years ago. Santana began stuttering and rambling like no other. Her cheeks rushed with blood, and her eyes batted, as the young Latina tried to regain her thoughts. Wait a second, Brittany slowly replays the last kiss very slowly in her mind. Just like she could every kiss with Santana that she had ever had.
As Brittany covered Santana's hand, Santana almost imperceptibly raised her pinky to brush over the top of Brittany's own pinky. Her breathing stilled and it seemed as though her voice caught in her voice, just like 12 years ago before their first kiss. As Brittany leaned forward, Santana's eyes closed slowly and she slowly met the blonde's lips with a slight lean of her head. Her round cheeks, yet again, filled with color. The stuttering and rambling was in full effect. Did Santana still succumb to Brittany the same way? Was she as nervous being around the blonde, as the blonde was being around the brunette? Was the kiss not as bad as she thought?
Questions bounced around Brittany's head, as she ran her hands through her long blonde hair. She was so sure what she wanted, she was so sure that Santana was it for her, always had been, always would be. What scared her is all the barriers, physical and metaphysical that stood in her way of getting what she wanted. The one thing she did know is her willingness to work for the woman that had never left her head or heart since she was 13 years old. The only difference is that Brittany wasn't afraid anymore. The only thing that scared her was losing Santana, and she really felt like after yesterday, after watching that video together, getting ready to recreate their entire love story together, the blonde believed they still had a chance.
Brittany quickly bounced out of bed, as her internal diatribe was probably going to make her late for work. She found her clothes that she (or most likely an OCD Santana) had folded neatly on the bureau and discarded the sleep clothes she had borrowed from the Latina. Of course Santana still slept in matching sleep shorts and tank tops, just like high school, but the silk one Brittany just took off was certainly more expensive than anything Santana shoplifted from the stores in Lima. As Brittany made her way out the kitchen, she heard Santana singing as she was preparing what had to be smoothies, seeing as her voice would be drown out every so often by the whir of the blender. Brittany couldn't recognize the song, but she certainly recognized that Santana wrote it.
Couldn't help myself
You're too good to be true
I fall short each time
Every time she ain't here
Brittany stood just outside the kitchen, wanting to hear more, still only catching snippets over the sound of the blender.
Like a fool for fire
I fall with my pride and all
Like a bomb before explosion
Ticking by your call
Brittany always loved Santana's voice, every since before the started Glee club, Santana would sing along in the backseat of her mother's station wagon to whatever pop hit was on the radio, and even sometimes would sing along with her dad when he played his Stevie Wonder albums on long car trips. But now, it was so clear that Santana was always meant to sing her own music. Music she believed in. Brittany knew she would never tire of hearing Santana sing her words, sing her thoughts and feelings, even if the songs were gut wrenchingly difficult to come to terms with.
Soon the blender stopped, and Santana's voice ripped through the whole bungalow, as she belted what must be the chorus of the song.
I am just a child who
Belongs on her knees
But I found a girl, who I love more
Than I ever did you before
So stand beside the river I cried
And let yourself down
Look how you want me know
That I don't need you
Like Brittany said...gut wrenching.
"That's a really powerful song" the blonde said, trying to keep her voice steady, as she finally presented herself in the kitchen. The Latina couldn't help but jump slightly at the blonde's entrance.
"Fuck, Brittany, let a girl know you're about to pop up. I almost lost a finger" Santana shook the blade of the blender that was in her left hand in the dancer's direction. Before she went back to cleaning up from making breakfast. Brittany knew she attempting to avoid the mention of the song, and wasn't going to let Santana off the hook that easy.
"Is that one on this new album?"
The blonde pushed the issue again. Santana stood up a bit straighter, almost as if she was physically putting up her guards. There was a mixture between a scoff and a laugh in response to the question. "You're my lead dancer and you haven't listened to my album in it's entirety multiple times?" Santana faked an aghast look, "Not impressing the superstar here, Brittany."
The singer tosses her hair, really trying to lay it on thick, but Brittany doesn't take the bait. "I don't like to pre-interpret my dance interpretations. It's better for my process to listen in the moment." She sits down at the counter, and Santana continues to pretend to be distracted by the blender. "So, is that song another look into your head?"
"It's just a song, Brittany."
"But, you wrote it" the blonde responds quickly, you never just write something. Your words, vicious or otherwise, have always had meaning. There must be a reason that you were singing it this morning." She ends the reply with a soft shrug, not trying to be combative, but instead observational about the situation.
Santana closes her eyes and shakes her head, clearly uncomfortable where the conversation was going. She glances back up at the blonde, whose blue eyes are boring into Santana..waiting for an answer, "You shouldn't read into all my lyrics. Might drive yourself crazy." The Latina turns around, in order to bring the blender to the sink. Any other day she would have left it out on the counter, only for Mercedes to return for work and scream at her for yet another dirty dish. But Santana was willing to do anything to avoid talking to Brittany, especially about this song.
She reaches to turn the water on, and thinks she has won, but then Brittany speaks up, "You told me you weren't going to avoid conversations, Santana. I can't help but think this song is about me, and I know that a lot of words are dramaticized, but I don't know. You wrote an album about our break up, and I have to dance to those words. You words about me, about us, about what I did" the blonde's voice is breaking and it makes Santana's heart clench. "I want to be part of the journey of sorting those emotions out, San. I don't want to be left listening anymore."
"This one isn't about you" Santana all but whispers over the spray of the water. She still has her back to Brittany, as to not see her reaction.
"Wait, it's not about me" Brittany's mind whirs at the words, "Was, um, was there another...did you date...um but it's about finding...sorry, I mean, I just thought that there wasn't anyone...I guess." Santana could yet again hear the blonde's voice on the brink of tears, and she realizes that Brittany thinks that Santana fell in love with someone else and wrote a song about that woman.
Santana turns back towards the counter and sees the blonde's blue eyes, glossy "No, B, it's not about a woman. Well, I mean it is, but not in the way you think."
"You need to help me out here, Santana."
Santana takes a deep breath. She walks back over to the counter to retrieve the two smoothies. "It's kale, coconut water and pineapple. You'll like it" she says as she pushes the drink towards Brittany. The blonde runs her long finger down the condensation covered glass. The latina slides into the stool next to Brittany, and takes a small sip of her drink, "The song isn't about another woman I was romantically linked to. There hasn't been anyone serious since you." Brittany slightly nods, and Santana slightly cringes. How insane that there hasn't been anyone serious in all that time.
"There wasn't anyone for me either…" Brittany begins.
"Don't, Britt. Come on. Don't do that." Brittany nods again, knowing she has already explained the Sam situation to the best of her ability and she couldn't force Santana to see it in any particular way. "The song, that song, I was singing" she hesitates, "Well it's about my abuela."
Brittany's head snaps in Santana's direction.
"Your abuela. Like, um, the abuela?"
A small chuckle escaped the brunette's lips, "Yup, THE abuela. I actually wrote it for my first album, as my original spec, and clearly they hated it because they wanted me singing bangers. But, yeah, I took some artistic licenses with interpretation but the story is all about what happened senior year."
Now Brittany takes some time and takes a sip of her smoothie, "Sorry, I guess I am struggling to see how that song, the song about finding another girl is about your abuela?"
Santana shrugs, "Like I said, I had to take some artistic licenses. Not sure anyone would want to hear a song that says 'Grandma why do you hate me for being gay'". Both women can't help but share a smile at Santana's crassness. "But, yeah, I mean it's about love, just not romantic love. I found someone who loved me more than my abuela did, and they gave me power to understand that not all love is good love. Gave me strength to rise above hardship, and showed me what real love should look like. That is was okay to cry, but I shouldn't be the one apologizing for who I am."
Brittany couldn't help herself but to move closer and closer to Santana as she spoke about the song, their thighs brushed together, and boldly so, the dancer reached out to place her hand on Santana's jean covered leg. Brittany's heart was so full knowing that some of Santana's music and feelings were about the good of their time spent together. It filled her heart even more
"Santana" the blonde whispers as she waits for Santana to turn her face towards her. When the singer finally faces the dancer, it is like two opposites of a weak magnet, slowly pulling the two women towards each other. Brittany keeps her eyes opens, because she wants to remember what Santana looks like in this moment. The moment before their next first kiss, she wants time to freeze so she she can engrain this in her mind. Just as she is about to push the final few centimeters, the front door to the bungalow bursts open.
"Satan, you best be out of bed and getting ready to go. Traffic is absolute craziness today!" Mercedes voice rips through the apartment as she enters the kitchen and for the second time in so many days finds the two ex-lovers in a rather suspicious position. Brittany calmly slides out of her stool, while keeping her hand on Santana's thigh.
"Jeez! Would you look at the time, I better run now or I won't be able to stop at my apartment before hitting the studio." Brittany quickly drains her smoothie, "Thanks for breakfast, San" and plants a quick kiss on Mercedes cheek before breezing out of the two singers shared home.
Mercedes watches the blonde leave, before whipping around to face her best friend. Santana's eyes are wide as the retreat from the door to Mercedes. "Okay, start from the beginning."
AN: Anddddddd, I am back. Can't really apologize for the long hiatus. I work two jobs in the winter, and one of them is being a basketball coach, so I really don't have a free moment to think, let alone continue writing. After season ended, I intended on getting right back into my story, but I fractured my hand (and everything else) became a massive chore. But, there it was the next installment. Future installment, will as the ending leads you, the day before and the reaction to the first video, as well as returning to present time and the next day shooting the next segment. I was going to put them together for quite a long update, but figured everyone would like a taste! As always, I am unbetaed, so all mistakes are mine, and I will go back and fix them when I get some time.
Hope everyone has been well, and that I haven't lost too many followers! I will not abandon this story!
Who else was in a state of shock after the DWTS results on Monday...I keep hoping it is a total joke. It is almost hard to write BSP as a dancer in this knowing that Hemo got SO ROBBED. Terrible.
Anyways, enough from me, let me know what you think. Would love to hear from you!