3. Trial and Error
Leaving his dishes in the sink, Steven couldn't help but feel a tad bit guilty. He didn't want the Gems to come back and have to clean up after him, but he knew Pearl enjoyed tidying up when the opportunity presented itself. Ultimately, Steven settled on filling up the bowl with water, so it might be easier for Pearl to clean later. Besides, he might beat them home, in which case he could finish cleaning up after himself. They aren't going to be home for another hour or so, anyways.
As the trio approached the warp pad, Peridot stopped suddenly.
"Wait…" the green gem thought to herself, rubbing one of her hands against her chin. "What about my transportation vehicle? Is it okay to leave outside?"
"It should be fine, but if it would make you feel better, we can bring it into the house?" Steven suggested, shrugging. Peridot nodded at the suggestion, likely not wanting all of her hard work to be possibly mangled by some reckless human child. Lapis stood in the kitchen area and waited for the hybrid and the short, green gem to retrieve the machine and bring it into the house.
"So what is this 'missing', anyways? You said it wasn't complete? It looks good to me." Steven asked as he set the strange machine down on the floor, inspecting the glowing buttons that hovered on the surface of what could only be the control panel.
"A fair question. One of the things I mis—I appreciated most about modern Gem tech is its responsiveness to conscious commands. Sure, you humans have some impressive voice activated technology for your species, but my limb enhancers could respond directly to my thoughts. If I wanted to bring up a defense drone, I just had to think the command and it would activate. It could be prove to be very useful for defensive situations…" Peridot trailed off, her thoughts turning over the possibilities of incorporating Gem tech into her life on Earth.
"Oh," was all Steven could manage. The direction of this conversation reminded him of the time Pearl tried to build a ship and take him to space… a thought that made him wince when he thought how close they both were to dying that day.
Lapis was standing on the warp pad by now, looking a bit impatient. Peridot seemed to notice this and quickly approached the warp pad.
"Are you sure it's okay for you to come, Steven? I feel like we should at least tell the Gems we're leaving…" Lapis suggested tentatively as Steven approached the warp pad.
"Oh, right…" Steven glanced behind him and looked at the clock on the microwave. It was already 5:30, and the Gems said they would be home before dinner time, which was vague. It could be within a few minutes or it could be upwards of an hour.
Should I just wait? Should I leave a note, like Garnet did this morning? Her future vision would probably tell her that he was with Peridot and Lapis anyways…
Steven bit his lip nervously, thinking he'd best wait for the others, but he could see how excited Peridot was to start this project.
"I guess… why don't you guys just go to the barn? The ship is back there anyways… That way you can get started, and I can bring some of the stuff from the Temple once the Gems come back." Steven watched both of their expressions deflate a bit, which just served to make him feel worse. He quickly added, "I'm sorry. It's just…"
Peridot stopped him. "No, it's okay. I wouldn't want to make them worry, with you just disappearing without an explanation! I'll have my screen," Peridot gestured towards her arm, where she sometimes strapped the gift Steven had given her "on me. Literally! So you can send me a message when you've got permission to come over." Peridot smiled at her own genius. Lapis had her arms crossed in front her, wary to leave Steven alone, but fixed her face into a believable smile and a gave him a nod.
"Don't worry, Steven. We'll see you soon." Lapis said, reaching down and grabbing Peridot's hand before they disappeared into the white light of the warp stream.
Steven was, once again, alone. He knew he shouldn't feel guilty about not joining Peridot and Lapis, but he couldn't help it. He went back and stood in the center of the room, looking around at nothing in particular. His chest was starting to ache, a familiar mixture of worry and loneliness creeping through his insides. Not sure what else to do, Steven sat back down on the couch where he had just been with his friends only a short time ago. Looking around for something to do to pass the time, Steven's eyes ultimately fell upon the painting of his mom. Rose Quartz… she looked so magnificent and important, captured in that regal position that was somehow commanding and beautiful at the same time. He felt a bit unsettled gazing up at the portrait, thinking of the night he returned from the zoo…
Steven tried to manage a deep breath again, emptying his mind of the negativity.
No more thinking about that place. I can't go back in time and I can't change what's happened. He repeated it in his head again, and again, and again while he tried to calm himself down. More than anything, Steven just wanted the Gems to warp in from wherever they were. It was harder being alone now more than ever, and he felt helplessly small sitting here.
Thinking about his conversation with Peridot and Lapis, Steven closed his eyes and returned to the comforting feelings of friendship. He thought of the blush that crept up Peridot's cheeks when Lapis revealed how nervous she was… Why was Peridot so self-concious?
She just wanted to be helpful. Everything she was told she was supposed to be, everything she was expected to be from the moment existed, was taken from her. No wonder she was nervous – trying to return to everything you wanted to be, but afraid that it would ruin everything you are now. Seeing Lapis, and the Gems fight and win… She must feel…
There was a particular word floating somewhere on the back of Steven's tongue, but he couldn't quite grasp it. It was more than a word, truly, but a feeling. A feeling he, Steven, knew all too well, and he wanted so deeply for it to be untrue. He re-opened his eyes, looking again at the loveliness that was Rose Quartz, before he existed.
"… inadequate." Steven whispered, barely audible. There was no one to eavesdrop, but the word felt dirty in his mouth, like something to hide away.
The tears came quickly, too fast for Steven to execute his mindfulness techniques. He was really becoming tired of crying.
"I just wish… I could be helpful. Like you." He added the last part as an afterthought, unable to help himself when his only company was the painting of his mother.
As suddenly as he vocalized the thought, Steven's navel began to glow underneath his shirt. Surprised, Steven lifted the hem of his shirt and glanced down at the illuminated Rose Quartz gemstone. His Temple room opened for him.
"Just like that night…" Steven glanced back and forth between his room and the painting on the wall. The last time he entered his room it hadn't gone very well, to put things lightly. He was nervous – he didn't really want to go into his room, but he felt like he had to, now that the room had opened at his call. Could he even close the door from the outside? He's never tried before. He slid off the couch and edged towards the room. Without stepping inside, Steven tried to vocalize a command to see if he could control it from outside. Standing between the warp pad and the room felt safer than entering the room, completely alone.
"Room, I want to see the tiny floating whale who gives me fin." Steven said in an even tone, waiting to see what happened.
The room simply stared back at him expectedly, but nothing changed. He glanced around at the clock. It was already almost 6 PM and the Gems weren't home yet. A few minutes in the room wouldn't hurt, right? He shuffled his feet, the nerves and curiosity spilling out of him. He stepped into his room and the door closed mutely behind him.
"Hi, room. Nice to see you again. I know… things got out of hand before." He managed a small chuckle and cleared his throat. "And, I don't want to stay very long. Could you make a little window to the Temple, so I can know when the Gems return?" As quickly as he wished it, a cloud poofed and in front of him appeared a large glass screen. It reminded Steven of the operating room windows from Under the Knife, where tense families would stand watching their loved ones in the operating room. He couldn't help but smile at the thought.
The Temple was still empty, the sunlight peering through the windows in a kaleidoscope of oranges and reds as the sun began to shrink in the sky, over the horizon. He let out a small sigh and turned back to the room.
"Okay, room. I, um…" Steven began to think of a request, and stopped himself. After what happened last time, he wanted to be very specific and wanted to avoid anything that might be tied to his emotions.
Clenching his fists, Steven spoke to the room. "Room, is there any material objects that came back to Earth that could help Peridot with her current inventions, the one she just mentioned to me before I came in here?"
Steven waited patiently for a moment. Was that too specific? Or did no response translate to a "no?" Without a conscious, the room wouldn't really be able to respond. The room couldn't have a consciousness, right? That thought made Steven uncomfortable, and after a few moments he was about to ask for an exit when a bubble appeared in front of him. He gasped in surprise, his reflexes telling him to look for a Gem, but he was only surprised as he reached on his toes to grab the bubble.
The coloration of the bubble, whitish blue, suggested it belonged to Pearl. Steven was very gentle with it, unsure if the room summoned it from the Burning Room or if it was merely an illusion of clouds. If it was the former, he wasn't sure he wanted to pop it.
Inside the small sphere were two sets of purple, oblong earrings, which Steven recognized immediately. These earrings were part of the bizarre ensemble that was thrust upon Steven and his Dad when they were taken to the zoo. The oddly hollow, but definitively feminine, voice still rang in his ears at the memory, "encouraging" him and the others to eat, sleep, or play.
The whole commanding presence was unsettling to say the least. Upon a brief inspection from Pearl, it didn't appear that the earrings had any sort of microphone or transmitter embedded in the refined accessory. The discovery of this led Pearl to acutely bubble the mysterious piece of Gem tech and send it away. A resonate memory of Garnet crept into Steven's mind. We're facing an enemy we don't know, with technology we don't understand…
Just as Steven was about to ask his room to remove the bubble (real or imaginary), he thought about his resolution this morning. It felt like days had passed since he had just rested in the sand, his palms pressing into his eyes. His emotional state felt like it was slowing down time.
I want to be helpful, like Peridot wants to be. I don't want to be a burden, and I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to help.
Steven squeezed the bubble and it popped in his hands. It was the real bubble – the room must have known what Steven wanted before even he had. That, he thought, was not exactly comforting.
The earrings fell into his palms with a gentle clink. They weren't so scary, once he looked at them up close. Sure they were alien (literally) to him, but they were inactive. They didn't have the same shine that was present when they spoke to him or his Dad back in space. These were just dull, purple earrings. If these could help Peridot on her project, and by extension, help the Gems, there was no reason not to re-tool them for a better purpose than just being stuck in a bubble.
Steven stuck the earrings into the pocket of his jeans and took a final steadying breath.
"Room. I want to return to the Temple. The real Temple." Steven emphasized the last part for safe measure, but he was pretty sure the room wouldn't send him into a fake Beach City again.
The window that had materialized earlier changed shape, returning to the familiar shape of the Temple door before glowing and opening for him.
Feeling obligated to say something back, Steven muttered a small "Um, thanks," and stepped back into the beach house.
Walking back into his tangible half of his home, Steven's attention couldn't help but be drawn to the jingling in his pocket. Though the weight of the pair of earrings were infinitesimal, though the weight they added to his mind was a different story. He wondered if he should put them in a bag so he didn't lose them? Maybe one of the inside pouches of his cheeseburger backpack?
Walking towards the cupboard under the stairs, Steven found he was grateful for something to do. He carefully put the earrings into the backpack and closed the pack. He placed it outside of the cupboard, leaning up against the stairs, so he wouldn't forget it later. Looking at the clock, Steven was shocked to find it was already almost 7 PM. Where were the Gems? This was normally the time Pearl would have him eat dinner ("Not too early, not too late!") and it was unlike them to be late… especially when he considered Garnet's future vision. Frowning, Steven went to check his phone. If they were in the ocean, it was unlikely (nigh impossible) that they could have sent him a message, but he couldn't help but wonder.
He unlocked his screen to see a missed text from Pearl and 4 missed text messages and a call from Connie. Steven read the message from Pearl first.
Going to be home late. So sorry. Please be careful!
Steven's face fell into a frown. He couldn't help it – he knew it wasn't their faults, probably something with a corrupted Gem, but it worried him nonetheless. Thinking of Garnet's note, he glanced over the shelf on his bed and thought.
Garnet must have written it according to the most likely future… What changed? This did little to make him feel better. He continued to read the messages on his phone, now moving to Connie's.
1. Hey! My mom got called to work. Did you want to hang out today? 11:38 AM
2. I'm going to be studying until dinner time. If you want to hang out call me. 1:02 PM
3. Connie sent a few emojis, some stacks of books and a heart. 1:02 PM. The heart made his own flutter slightly.
4. You must be on a mission or something. Just let me know when you get this so I know it went OK! 4:50 PM
5. Connie's missed call. No voicemail. 6:35 PM
Oh. Steven only just missed her call – he must not have been able to hear it from inside the room. He thought about texting her an apology – what should he say?
Hey Connie! Sorry, Lapis and Peridot came over and…
Then, Steven backspaced all of that out. That didn't seem right.
Connie, I am so sorry. I hope studying went OK. I got caught up…
He stopped again and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. That didn't seem right either. He hadn't really done anything all day, so why was it so hard to explain?
Giving up, Steven flopped down on his bed and decided just to call her. Hearing her voice would make him feel better anyways, and the whole whirlwind of his day would be easier to explain.
The phone rang twice and went to voicemail; she must've ignored the call. Almost immediately, he received a quick text from Connie.
Sorry. Eating dinner. No phones at table. Will call you back
Steven let out a small sigh of relief at the message. He knew Connie wouldn't 'ignore' him on purpose, but it was still nice that she sent the message at the risk of getting in trouble with her parents.
He looked at his contacts in his phone absently, really thinking about the Gems and when they would get home. He landed on Peridot's contact and thought he should let her know that it would be awhile.
Hey Peri – The Gems said they will be home late. Can't get ahold of them so no permission. But I found something in the Temple – I think it might be just what you need! Steven picked out a few emojis to match, a wide smile and a few shining stars. He turned his head towards the kitchen as he lay in bed, gently flinging his phone off to the side. The sun was setting further, the room emblazoned with a million hues of oranges, yellows, reds, pinks and even some purples at the right angle. It was quiet in the beach house once again.
It had taken awhile to realize what exactly it was about silence that was so discomforting. Of course, there was the absence of something to do, but that never stopped Steven from finding a show to watch, someone to call, something to eat… Looking at the picturesque glow that basked the house in innumerable shades of the warmest tones in the rainbow, Steven examined the colors as they shifted every few minutes as the sun's angle continued downwards in the sky. Silence on its own may be bad, but the warmth of his home, his bed, these colors, Beach City… despite the lack of sound, Steven found he did not lack in security.
These thoughts made Steven's eyelids grow heavy, so he turned over more comfortably on his bed. He wasn't particularly tired, but he thought if he rested a bit the Gems would likely be home by the time he woke up. He and Amethyst could have a midnight movie party… Steven chuckled lightly to himself, imagining Pearl's disapproving scowl and Garnet's small but divisive compliance to his plan. She wouldn't object, so Pearl would be three to one…
And just like that, Steven Universe was asleep and alone.
Unfortunately, he would not be alone for long.