Chapter 21: Think Outside the Ship

Coruscant…

Starkiller was known for many things. Years of Sith training had taught him the values of patience, restraint, and calm. The Dark Side was only powerful if the wielder didn't fully give themselves into its power. In order to do that, one had to have immense control. And dabbling in the Light Side was also a viable option, though his use in its applications was not quite as prominent as his immersion in the dark side

But no matter how many years of training he had under his belt, no matter how much he meditated, which was a lot, and no matter how he tried right now, Starkiller was on the verge of a complete meltdown mentally speaking.

Was the once-Sith assassin now turned Jedi at this stage? What had caused this outburst of anger?
His charge.

Ahsoka Tano.

The girl who was very much his friend, but right now, he was beyond able to stand this mess that he had gotten into. She may be his age, but she was far from a mature mindset. That wasn't to say that she couldn't be serious and calm and focused when the situation called for the necessity, but she showed an uncanny trait of also still being a child.

And that's why this was dragging out far longer than he cared to partake in.

It should have been a simple errand to get rations and other needed supplies. But apparently, there was the consideration of prices, the certain materials that would be more effective for the ship, the proper food items, and the list just went on for what seemed to be an eternity.

Starkiller saw no need for this much excessive attention, but then again, when had he ever needed to think this much in detail other than a mission?

He was many things, but shortsighted wasn't one of them. He knew all about big plans and far-reaching plans. That was the story of his life after all: training for the day to become a Sith Lord, which was no longer a possibility nor was it one he wished to entertain.

But despite being holding a Jedi rank, he felt it to be merely a formality and nothing else. In fact, it would be right to say that he truly had no idea which side was better to him.

Jedi believed that letting the Force do what it will was the path. The key to true power in the Force was through a calm and collected mind. The Force wasn't meant to be tested, but to be allowed to do as it pleased.

The Sith, by contrast, were all about self-improvement, self-growth, and testing the Force and themselves. This stemmed from the desire of the Sith for power in all things. They desired power through their own will, their ability to obtain such power. The quest for the ultimate power was endless.

With both the Jedi and Sith codes chanting within the bowels of his mind, Starkiller still had a considerable amount on his mind. What power and clarity could he hope to draw from the two codes? What other hidden meaning had he missed?

More study would be required in order to ascertain the answer he sought.

"Hey," Ahsoka, "Coruscant to Starkiller."

The boy turned his head to face her. She smiled a bright smile, but he couldn't bring himself to lift his neutral expression. Quite frankly, he didn't really want to deal with this, but like it or not, even he knew that top-notch supplies were things that he needed training in obtaining.

"Yes," he asked with a sigh.

"You okay," Ahsoka inquired. "You look like you were lost in space."

"Some stray thoughts, nothing to worry about," he dismissed. "Don't worry about me. What were you saying before?"

"Oh yeah," she exclaimed. "There's some fruits over here I think you'd want to get. High energy, good for quick on-the-go missions."

"Show me," Starkiller spoke.

Ahsoka brought him up to a vendor selling what appeared to be fruits that hailed from various planets and systems. Every time she pointed out a unique fruit, he listened with rapt attention. He noted those that were light but were capable of giving energy boosts. High-calorie content was what he was looking for, because he would need it in order maintain his physique. His training would help him to convert calories into energy that he would likely burn fast. Starkiller was not wasteful.

That being said, he did have some weaknesses. For one reason or another, he always did enjoy fruits more than most foods. He wasn't quite sure why his tastes were hardwired to liking these things as much as he did. Nevertheless, fruits were rare in his usual meals, and thus it made eating them all the more enjoyable. Perhaps it was his nature of using less to accomplish more that drew him to it.

Why were his thoughts turning to such frivolous things? He never did this before in his time as Vader's apprentice. The Sith Lord had beaten any form of distraction from his apprentice, any form of distraction whatsoever.

Perhaps that was why he was how he was now. From random thoughts to questioning of himself to mood swings. Was this the reason that he regarded Ahsoka in such a manner that was unbecoming for him?

For the life of him, Galen wouldn't pretend to understand the concept of romance. It was a thing for normal people and he was far from a normal person. Moreover, it seemed like something that he wasn't meant to grasp seeing as he couldn't even understand how such a connection formed. It was so alien to him it may as well have been a different language in itself.

If that was the case, then how did he expect to know if whatever stray thoughts of Ahsoka were romantic in any way?

"You're doing it again," Ahsoka broke his thoughts.

He shook his head a few times before looking at her. There wouldn't be a point in lying to her; she could easily see through any attempt to hide his busied mind.

"Can we talk about this later? My mind is rather addled right now."

"Anything I can help with? You know I'm your friend."

Friend. She was his his friend, and he was her friend. He did know what that word meant and he did know what a friendship was. He had PROXY and Juno as living proof of his ability to know friendship.

But another thing that caused him to fret was asking for help. Sith saw helping others as weakness. Jedi saw helping others as strength.

Which rang true?

Starkiller shook his head. Enough with the questions. He needed answers so he could think more clearly.

He gulped, swallowing his old Sith mentality.

"Yes, I need help," he sighed.

"With?" She looked hopeful.

Why did that look give him a warm feeling inside? And why was he compelled to not disappoint her.

"I don't know how to say it," he answered truthfully. "I don't think I understand it fully myself."

"This sounds serious," Ahsoka observed. "I think we'd better get back to the ship before we do any serious talking."

"I concur," he nodded.

The two of them made their rounds across the vast marketplace, with Ahsoka trying to hurry up the pace so she didn't keep Starkiller waiting, to which he was grateful. Whether he knew it or not, his emotions were a bit bare, almost written on his face. She didn't even have to use the Force to know that he was conflicted about something. He was doing that lately, showing a few cracks in the otherwise impenetrable mask of indifference.

Still, he remained as he was by keeping silent about the task at hand, never one to gripe about having to do work. That was more than Ashoka herself could say. Sometimes, her impetuous nature got her into some pretty bad situations.

OOOO

When the two of them returned to the Rogue Shadow, they quickly organized their supplies and put them away. It was a silent task, with only minimal words exchanged between them. Starkiller was never good at conversation to begin with. When they were finished, she told him to meet him in the training room, to which he agreed without resistance.

It took the boy only a few minutes to change into some black training robes. He looked ready for training more than a simple talk, but perhaps he thought that their conversation wouldn't be the only thing happening.

Ahsoka sensed his potent presence in the force as the doors opened upon detecting him. He saw her sitting cross-legged, her face set into a meditative state, something he wasn't quite use to seeing her do. It was usually him that was that retained a calm state.

I suppose there's a first for everything, he mused.

"What's on your mind?" Ahsoka's eyes opened to him.

He never noticed just how much her eyes were so blue. As far as he could recall, Galen had only thought sapphire crystals were that blue.

Ignoring the random thought, he sat down in a similar position to her own, a meter of distance between them.

"I suppose…" he lowered his head in thought. "I'm in a sort of limbo."

She gestured for him to continue.

"I am Sith in many ways. I will always be Sith in many ways; this who I have been for almost all of my life. Yet I stand with Jedi because I desire to save the galaxy from being subjugated by the Sith."

Ahsoka nodded. "Okay…"

"And all along the way, I have you as well. I'm not sure what we are. You remind me of someone else I once knew. She was much like you even if the Force wasn't strong within her."

Ahsoka perked up at this comment. He had never talked about this before. Her eyes narrowed slightly at this.

"She?"

"Juno Eclipse, my pilot. She was quite a good one at that, and more than once saved my life. I still think about her, but I didn't get to know her too well, not like you and Master Skywalker."

She mentally sighed. Good, no competition.

Did she just admit to harboring feelings for him?

She did. And she didn't seem to mind it.

"But anyway, you have occupied a great deal of my mental processes. You are strong, intelligent, brave, honorable, selfless, things I myself have never truly been."

Ahsoka frowned at this statement of self-depreciation. Even worse, it sounded less like self-depreciation and more like nature to him to downplay himself like he was now. That wasn't normal at all.

"You're a good person," Ahsoka assured. "Maybe not the brightest, but your intentions are well."

His brown eyes flickered. "Intentions meant well aren't always interpreted as such. And I am not lowering myself. I am simply speaking truth."

She almost forgot his ability to sense surface thoughts. She'd have to work on getting her mental barriers stronger. She couldn't have him ahead of the game every time they had a conversation.

"I know what you're attempting to do," he said, "And I wouldn't waste the energy nor the air to say it."

"Even if it's true," she demanded.

Starkiller growled. "But it is, and you know it."

Ahsoka rose from her cross-legged position to stand at her full height. Starkiller followed her motion. She could already see it in his eyes, the look that said that he wasn't going down without a fight.

Even without lightsabers or the Force.

"If you'd stop thinking so much about your past and get on with the future maybe you'd actually stop moping about it."

"But our future is written because of our past, and I was a Sith. I foolishly joined the Jedi in the hopes that I could make an amendment when I've long since lost the right."

She stepped closer. "There you go, beating yourself down when you should be dusting yourself off and proving to others that you can change."

"People never change," Starkiller met her glare. "They never have and they never will."

"People can change," Ahsoka argued. "And even if they didn't, do you think that their opinion matters so long as you do what's right?"

Starkiller looked incredulous. "What's right? What does that word even mean anymore. What does right even mean?"

"Doing what your instinct tell you to do," she answered. "That's what I would do."

"My instinct is what got me and you into this situation. My instinct got me into a situation that I can't get out of now."

"So learn from the mistakes and do something about it."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"You are unbearably naive to believe that everything will work out in the end. The galaxy isn't as simple as good always beating evil. There are more factors to the equation."

"And you're a coward for not facing the fears that hold you back. Just like a Sith to grasp onto his fears and not let them show. If you're trying to be a hero, you're doing a horrible job at it."

A coward?

Starkiller hated when that word was labelled to him. He was no coward. He was never a coward, not by a long shot. To even suggest that pushed him into treacherous territory. He could feel his own fingers quiver with barely-checked rage.

And despite being called a coward by Ahsoka, he knew the word to be the right one to describe him in a sense.

He was afraid.

Of a great deal of things.

Then the words of Vader and Ahsoka came back to him. Face the fear head-on, don't let it control him otherwise he would never truly evolve as a person.

Ahsoka still glared at him, passion in her eyes like nothing he had ever witnessed from her. Clearly she was intent on winning this one.

Face his fear?
Then he would start with this one.

He reached forward grabbed her. Tramping his incessant internal protesting, he forcefully locked his lips onto Ahsoka's. He expected many things from her: anger, hatred, disgust, betrayal, horror, and maybe all of the above.

He was met with utter shock when she reciprocated with her own ferocity. It seemed in that moment that the two of them had taken leave of their minds, their bodies giving into a far more animalistic nature. They were both inexperienced in intimacy, but that also provided them both with the opportunity to learn what made the other tick. A touch here, a dragging of nails there, and touching. A lot of touching.

First it started with a simple pushing of lips against each other. He pushed hard first, then she did. She then used her tongue to intertwine with his. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. Both their eyes had closed, letting instead the feeling of their hands do the work in addition the Force guiding them.

Ahsoka took the time to run her hands along his body. His robes made him out to be rather lithe in form, but his muscles were still strong. Starkiller also took a few moments to feel his way down her body as well. She was… soft, curvy in a few places, toned in other places, but not enough to be obvious.

In their fervored passion, Starkiller lost his footing, and with his hold on Ahsoka, brought her down with him. He groaned in pain and in pleasure as his back hit the ground. She pulled back only to watch him.

"What…" she breathed, "What was that?"

"Giving into instinct," he voiced raspily.

"...how far are you willing to go?"

"That depends on how far you want to go."

His answer made Ahsoka tilt her head in wonder. Her mind still was swarming with the pull of desire. It was irresistibly strong. How far was she willing to go?

She didn't know yet. She would have to find out.

She pursed her lips. "I don't know."

"Then we should find out how far we're both willing to go."

It was a bad idea to even be thinking about this. They were practically kids.

"Make it good then." Her voice was borderline deadly in tone.

Starkiller met her challenge by grabbing her and hoisting her up.

"Not in the training room."

She just nodded, not really registering his words.

Along the way, he struggled to keep himself from going the wrong way as she continued to assault him with her body and with her mouth.

So this was the physical desire that PROXY had once spoken of. Unlike many times when he touched people, it ended with people dead. This touch, it was a mutual pleasure for both parties involved. Through the Force, he could sense Ahsoka's own body and he had no doubt that she too could sense his own desires.

The moment they reached his quarters, he shut the door and locked it. He also fumbled to switch off his communication device so no interruptions would happen. They would both need isolation in order to fully get the most out of this. It was more than a simple want for flesh against flesh, but also a want to understand what this meant and just how much it affected the two of them.

Initially, he was the one in control of this little engagement, but they traded dominance every so often.

Starkiller wondered what this was. If his understanding of romance was correct, this was not romance, but more a simple desire. If that were the case, then it would be right for him to say that they weren't really in love.

Ahsoka too questioned the act they were doing. They were kids, barely adults by galactic law, and yet here they were ravaging each other as if their lives depended upon it. It was one gigantic need beyond anything words could convey.

In a single word?

Unforgettable.

Long time no see? I've been working on other stories that have been really taking up my time. But this was my first popular story. How can I forget that?

This is rated T and I think you guys get what happened. No smut details, because I am no smut writer. I just don't have the heart to do it.

So is there romance? At this point, there is, but notice there's no "I love you" yet. That's because there is no love right now. It's just sexual tensions being relieved, especially on Starkiller/Galen's side, though that's not to say that Ahsoka isn't experiencing her fair share of tension.

Anyone see the finale of Star Wars Rebels Season 2? It's quite the shocker and that's all I'll say. Go watch it.

Anyway, if you guys liked this chapter, hit me with a review. Tell me what's good, what's bad, and complain at me about how I took too long to update. Excuse any grammar problems. I just wanted to get the chapter out after so long.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and remember, yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.

Peace!