Chapter 20

Here We Go Again

Alex didn't expect the break up to hit her so hard. She couldn't sleep, but when she did manage to get a little shut eye, she was plagued by nightmares. So instead of sleeping, she spent her time in the living room in the dark with a tub of chocolate ice cream in her lap, eating away.

Marcus had tried to take some from her, but ended up getting tackled by Zack and Elliot, who both claimed that he would be a dead man if he messed with a heartbroken girl's ice cream and coping mechanism. Esme told him so in the call he had placed to her after he found Alex in the bathroom the night the redheaded couple broke up.

The front door suddenly unlocked, but instead of her brothers coming in it was Kerry. "Alex what the heck is going on?" the girl asked dropping her bag on the ground.

Alex just put another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth, preventing herself from speaking. She didn't want to talk about it, and she didn't want to do what she knew she had to with Kerry either.

She had been thinking about what Master Splinter has said. He didn't want his sons in danger, so the only option was to cut every tie with the Guardians. That included Alex. And if Alex being a Guardian put them in danger, it had to put Kerry in danger as well. She couldn't risk her best friend getting hurt because of her, even if she had to hurt her in order to protect her.

"Alex, are you listening to me?" Kerry asked, standing in front of her now. "Why did you break up with Raph? The guy's a mess now! I thought you loved him!"

"I didn't break up with him," she muttered putting the spoon in her mouth again.

"From what I heard you say, you might as well have!" Kerry said sitting down next to her. "What's going on?"

"It's none of your business," she stated. Okay, here we go, she thought. Just do it. Get it over with now so you don't put Kerry in anymore danger.

"It is my business Alex." Kerry said. "I sometimes think I know you better than myself and I know something is wrong! Alex, I'm worried about you! You're acting odd."

Alex scoffed. "Now you sound like Raph," she muttered. "You think you know me. You think you know everything about me, don't you!"

"I do know you." Kerry sighed a bit. "Alex, what are you-"

"You don't know anything!" Alex yelled, getting up off the couch. "How dare you claim otherwise! You have no place to do so!"

Kerry froze. "What the hell, Alex?" Kerry said her brows furrowing as she looked up at her. "It is my place! We're family."

"No we're not!" Alex yelled. "Don't you get that? We're not family! You have your own family and I have mine!"

"But, I want to be with you and your family." Kerry mumbled. "I'm happy here."

Alex gulped, seeing just how hurt Kerry was by her words. Do it, Alex. She's better off without you, she told herself. She's safer. She doesn't need you. She had the guys. "Well, maybe I'm happier without you being apart of it," Alex lied.

Kerry's head went down her dark black bangs hiding her green orbs from view. "...well fuck you too, Alex O'Neil." Kerry said standing up. "Fuck you and your family. I don't need you, I don't need anyone. I was just fine being all alone before!" she snapped as she grabbed her stuff and stompled off to the door. "I don't need anyone!"

"Don't be stupid, you and I both know you need Donatello more then you admit," Alex said, trying to steer her in a direction where someone could help make her feel better and move on.

"No!" Kerry said. "I'm fine on my own, being on my own, and being alone! I've done it for years. I shouldn't have thought moving here would be different." Kerry grumbled hand on the door knob.

"Oh yeah, and how has that been any help to you!" Alex yelled. :"When I met you, you were shut out. You were antisocial and you had no friends. People can't live like that. It's sad and pathetic."

"...it's better than having to deal with this." Kerry muttered quietly. "People leave, people die, and soon, you're all that remains. So yeah, maybe I am sad and pathetic, but hell what the fuck does that make you, bitch?" Kerry said yanking the door open, "Have a fucking awesome life without me in it, I'm sure it'll be great." she said and slammed the door behind her.

Alex growled, throwing the tub of ice cream against the wall. "I'm trying to protect you," she mumbled to the empty room. "I can't, I can't," she cried. "I can't have anybody else that I care about get hurt."

The only way Alex was able to not feel anything was by pushing herself harder in training, which was noted by her brothers, Mortu, Usagi and Emma. She would run every morning. She'd run every afternoon after school, before she went to work. She'd train herself extra hard during classes at the dojo, and she's almost make herself sick by how much she pushed herself during Guardian training.

Alex barely ate. She barely slept. All that mattered was her work and school.

And that was exactly what Alex was doing. It was late at night. She hadn't been able to sleep, so she snuck out of the fire escape of her bedroom window. She didn't want to wake Elliott, because he would yell at her for her actions.

"You're up rather early," Leo said as he leaned against the tree he stepped out from behind.

Alex came to a stop, looking through the darkness. She sighed, knowing that even if she ignored him, Leonardo would follow her. "What do you want, Leo?" she asked.

"To know why you're tearing my family apart," Leo said darkly.

"People change, they move one and leave," she said. "It happens."

"Yeah but the thing is, that's not true for us."

"Things happen that you don't like," Alex said. "A heart doesn't break even."

"But you see, I don't believe it did." Leo said as he approached. "I see you, you can't fool family, Alex, you're falling to pieces."

"That's because I'm getting used to my new life, Leo," she said.

"Life isn't supposed to suck that much," Leo scoffed.

"How do you know? Huh?" Alex asked. "I mean, what have you actually done with your life? All you ever do is work out and stay at home with your brothers."

"You wanna know what I did. I kept this family together. Back in home, I was the dad. I made sure no one ever beat the ever living crap out of Raph ever again, I made sure no one shattered Mikey's dreams to pieces by calling him stupid one too many times. I held Donnie when he woke up, so afraid that we had left him like his mom tried to do. I work out so much so I can protect them when they need me, so I can hold them on their two feet when they stumble. I need them and they need me. And Now you have broke them all over again, them, Kerry, and me," Leo said darkly. "You wanna know what I do with my life? I keep everyone fucking alive that's what."

Tears welled up in her eyes, spilling over and down her cheeks no matter how hard she tried to prevent them from doing so. Why did she have to keep hurting all of the people she cared most about? Why couldn't they just move on and forget about her? She wasn't important. She was a danger to them, just like Master Splinter said. They were far better off without her. "You may keep them alive, but that's not my job," Alex said. "It's not my job to care anymore."

"No, you're right! It's not your job, and it's not mine! Because it's not a fucking job! It's a privilege an honor. One you used to be proud to uphold. One you don't deserve apparently. Loving someone to the point where you want to give your life for them is not a job. I love my brothers, I love Kerry, and I loved you. you were my sister. Now I see you were nothing of the sort."

" I just keep hurting people," she said. "That's what I do best, apparently. So if I were you, I'd be smart and stay the hell away from me and my family."

"I came here hoping to get down to the bottom of this, why you broke my brother heart and tore your best friend to pieces, but now I see I can't talk any sense into you." Leo said turning his back to her. "I'll never forgive you for what you did. I'll never let you near them again."

Good, she thought. Because I don't deserve it.

Leo finally walked away from the girl. She stared at him as he went. "I'm so sorry," she muttered, putting her hand over her mouth to prevent him from hearing if he was still close enough. "I'm so sorry."