Holy cow! This chap is longer than the rest! I know you don't mind xD but I have my own limit in the words: no more than 3,000 words :/ well, this chapter was the exception because Jean and Marco have a very cute moment :3 bijijiii! Anyhow, enjoy!

SEVENTEEN

I immediately eyed Marco's clothing first, like always. Today, he had white jeans with a neat leather overcoat. He didn't had it zipped, so the school's shirt was loose. He also had a simple black beanie with many different pins and his usual Converse.

I looked away and pft-ed. How the hell did he managed to look so simple but so cool at the same time? I slowly gazed down at myself; lame as always. I kind of envy him.

I slowly made my way towards him, unsure of how to start a conversation. When I look at him, everything that happened with us a week ago recorded in my mind like a movie and I got pretty tense up. Unlike me, he looks normal. Surely, he was thinking of all that happened too, but he doesn't sulk in it too much like I did. He looked happy, smiling while a faint blush spread on his cheeks. He wasn't going to lose his mood because of that. Again, I wondered how he could do that because I was losing my mind instead and I wouldn't be surprised if I end up crazy. I looked at him again to see if there was a glint of any other emotion, but it was just pure happiness. He was happy to see me… he wanted to see me.

I mindlessly sat crossed legged where he was and he sat beside me with his knees up. He didn't draw or anything and just waited for the right moment to speak. We both began looking at all ways and gazed at each other once in a while. I opened my mouth…

-"How are you feeling…?"

-"How are you feeling…?"

We both spoke at the same time and laughed, -"You first."- I pointed at him.

He laughed, -"I was going to ask if you were okay."

I nodded at him, -"I'm fine, yeah… could've been worse,"- I began to poke my knees in attempt to distract my gaze away from him. I wanted to see how he was, to see his wounds and bruises because I heard Kat saying that it was a miracle he was still standing, -"… and you?"

He nodded too, -"Yeah, I'm okay."

No, he wasn't okay. His bruises were worse than mine, not to forget that he was bullied constantly, -"Are you… sure?"- I asked again.

-"Yeah, really. Don't worry."

I looked away, crossed my arms and though for a second. I couldn't believe him. Why couldn't he be honest? I knew he wasn't okay. Mindlessly, I dug my hand in my pocket and gripped the paper. By the list, he had been bullied since… hell, since third grade, but I had a feeling it was since first grade because the record didn't had them all. He was shy, so I bet all my money that he didn't report all the attacks. If so, then how, how is he okay? I was bullied too since third grade and so on, but when I reached tenth grade, they stopped because I found the solution. It had worked until today. When I looked at Marco, I knew he hasn't found that solution or… maybe he did, but he didn't want to do it. Why?

I had so much I wanted to tell him that it made the butterflies in my stomach die. So, I just burst it all out, my mouth not stopping.

-"Why are you here? You're supposed to be somewhere else,"- I wasn't looking at him, but I knew he had the most confused face ever, but my mouth continued before he could say anything,-"I mean in another school. You're not safe here."

That was one of the things that'd been hunting me for quite a while. I kind of wanted for him to stay because after all that happened and I learned that I did met him before, I felt a strong connection with him, but above all, I was worried and scared that someone else bullies him. I bet my life that Frank's friend will try to finish what he started. Someone else will come for Marco. I had that awful dark feeling that this wasn't over, in fact, it just begun and I wanted Marco's safety… more than anything else. Maybe his mom though I was the solution, the answer to all his problems and I do want to; heck, I was, but… I was afraid of myself. Back there, I looked like an animal, a monster out of control; I didn't understand my own emotions… I took three guys on my own and not just anyone, they were from twelve one; their leader was one of them, the strongest guy in this school and I just broke his nose. I never had done that before in my life and I knew I did it to protect Marco, but what if… what if I end up hurting him instead? I couldn't bear with it. He'll be safer with someone and somewhere else.

He didn't liked the sound of that, -"I don't think I'm safe anywhere else, Jean, besides I… want to stay."- He said with full honesty while looking at me, blushing lightly and smiling.

I almost gasped, -"You what…? Frank's dog will come for you, you know? They won't give up."- I was getting desperate. Why couldn't he understand?

-"I know, but I can't keep running forever,"- He was looking at me intently. He was trying to tell me something without saying it and I wasn't getting it… not yet, -"I have to stay … after looking for you for so long."

I froze and tried to process this. He… looking for me? Then, I knew why. While in the fight with Frank, I remember that I did met him before and that we used to be close friends. It was in the drawing classes we only took on Saturdays. It was one day, but it was enough for us to have fun and talk about different things. One day was enough for me to be with him, since we were both on different schools. I don't remember what grade I was in or my years exactly, but I was bullied then and that's why me and Marco had a close friendship.

Little by little, the pieces came together in my mind, solving this puzzle: why he was like a limp on me, his first day when Frank bullied him and I stopped him, the drawings, the weird trance in Art… everything. He was trying to make me remember, he wanted me back, he looked for me… his only friend.

An awful guilt stirred in my stomach and I couldn't look at him. I felt ashamed of myself and a stake in my heart. How could I done this to him? I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing but breaths came out. My eyes began to water. My chest tightened.

-"After you quit the drawing classes, you disappeared completely without trace and you never told me why you did in the first place,"-Marco began to speak, his voice a bit shaky, but calm, like he was ready to face me this time, -"I tried to locate you, but it's like you never even existed."

I knew why I quit: my bullies became worse. I became a very closed kid then: I stopped eating like I should have, I stopped going out with friends, stopped playing… and stopped going to the drawing classes, so technically, I didn't quit. Older kids bullied me all the time because of what I liked: power rangers, superheroes and videogames… I was a nerd back then and I just couldn't endure it like Marco does; I fought back, which made the situation worse. My little life became miserable and obscure. My relation with my parents became thin, because they wanted to do something… while I just wanted to die. Naturally, I found the solution: change who I was, quit myself, renew my life and join the bullies. There's a saying: if you can't handle them, join them. That happened in tenth grade. I became a totally different guy: no videogames, no comics, no TV shows and no nerd. I obliterated every memory of who I was... of every friend I made. Now, I realized that I was coward and in the end, Marco was stronger than me. He didn't change who he was because of the bullies, he lived as who he was and he didn't gave up on what he liked, what he loved. I couldn't handle the pressure, he did.

After all he'd been through, he shouldn't be here, he should be in an asylum all crazy and maniac. I was less bullied and in the edge of madness. And yet, here he was beside me… waiting for my answer.

All this realization numbed my head and I felt it heavy. I still couldn't shake off the guilt that was eating me alive. I totally forgot him, how could I be so selfish and weak? What kind of friend am I?

Marco was growing desperate and worried, -"Say something,"- He said with saddened eye. After a few seconds, -"Well, whatever happens, I'm not going anywhere without you. I missed you… you were-"

-"Marco… why didn't you told me anything?"- I asked and looked at him firmly.

His eyes widened and watered a bit as he looked away shyly, -"I… don't know. You were just… so different. I didn't recognize you at first. You were a totally different person, not the Jean I knew,"- Slowly, he began to look at me with full honesty, -"I thought you'd think of me as a hindrance or a limpet and I didn't want to bother you, so I tried….,"

-"Make me remember,"- I breathed out. He nodded slowly and his gaze fell, -"I'm so sorry… Marco…,"- I lowered my head and sank in my own guilt again.

A few moments passed when I felt Marco's hand on my shoulder, -"But it's okay! You're here now and-"

-"How can you be like that after… after all…,"- I began to sob.

He looked up, -"Life keeps moving, Jean and… I can't stay back,"- Reiner's words echoed in my mind. He looked at me again and blushed lightly, -"I still wanted to find you, after all…you're my only friend."

He went through hell just to… find me? All this time I thought I was alone, that I wasn't important or special to anyone, but I was wrong. I couldn't say anything… this was too much for me to swallow. This felt like I was in some kind of a fantasy movie.

Marco kept speaking though, -"I know all this might sound weird, but it's really true,"- He squeezed my shoulder and I slowly gazed at him, -"I know why you quit yourself like you did, why you changed, but you still have an opportunity to bring old times back… if you want to."- He slowly let go of my shoulder, his hand a bit shaky. He was afraid of the answer I might give him.

I had to think this through… I knew that I had the opportunity to be who I used to be, but every time I thought of those great times, the fight with Frank popped out of nowhere: my rampage, the lack of control, the impulsion… and that fear that I might hurt the only guy who really cares about me, and who I care about equally above anyone else, invaded me. I wouldn't forgive myself if I hurt him again, because I already hurt him by forgetting who he was… completely. Heck, I couldn't forgive myself right now. How in the world someone like me has another opportunity?

-"Jean…,"- Marco's eyes began to water, -"You can take all the time you want to think about it… it's okay."

No, I didn't had time, because I was sure he wanted the answer right now, but I was so unsure of myself, I doubted everything of myself, -"I might end up hurting you again… if you haven't noticed, I'm a monster out of control. You saw what I did back there, I don't know when I'll be like that again, maybe even now I can-"

He gasped with widen eyes and launched at me, hands on both of my shoulders. He pinned me at the wall behind and I winced. He was really close to me, eyes piercing mines, -"No, you're not a monster! Don't say that! You're my best friend and period! What you did back there was…,"- He stopped and looked down, -"You were always like that whenever someone taunted me. No one could stop you, except me. You're not a monster, because you knew what you were doing."

I was shocked by his sudden outburst; he looked very upset about what I said about myself and when I looked at his cheeks, a tear escaped his eye. I didn't liked one bit seeing him cry. It tightened my chest even more. Mindlessly, my hand moved towards his cheeks and wiped the tear away. I realized that I was hurting him again and more guilt swallowed me, -"Marco… I-"- I halted when I heard the intercom's beep and the bell. What time was it?

-"Jean Kirshtein, please stop by the infirmary."- I recognized that voice; it was Petra, the clerk in the office. She spoke through the intercom. Shit, psychology talk with Kat.

Marco quickly let go of me,-"Um… you should go."

It all happened too fast. I stood up and scratched the back of my head, -"Uh, where will you be?"

He shrugged, -"Here, I guess."

Oh yeah, Pixis was absent. I took a deep breath before saying this, -"Why don't you, uh, c-come with me?"

His face lightened a bit more. I stretched my hand towards him. When he took it and squeezed it, I felt a warm wave wash away all the dark, cold feelings I had a minute ago.

We went to the infirmary and along the walk, we said nothing, but when I looked at Marco, he was smiling and happy, even though I haven't given him an answer.

At the infirmary, Kat welcomed us and gestured me to sit in front of her desk, -"Hello, Jean. How are you today?"- She asked me. She was a bit surprised to see Marco, she probably though he was going to be on another school. She told him to sit on the back because she might ask him questions too.

-"I'm okay, I guess. I'm alive."- It was a stupid answer.

She arched an eyebrow, -"That's physically. How about mentally?"

-"Exhausted."- That was an honest answer.

-"What do you mean by that?"

Uhg, so many questions, -"I dunno I just… have a lot to think about."

-"Like what?"

I couldn't tell her, -"I can't tell because… I haven't figured it out."- It was half true though.

She looked at me like if I finally lost it, but didn't question me anymore, -"I'll take that as in you don't want to talk about it. Alright,"- She nodded, but she was unsure if to let that topic drop, -"Let's talk about another thing. Your fight, maybe?"

I sighed. I didn't want to talk about that, -"It was a simple fight like every day, haven't you seen one on your days?"

-"Simple, every day fight you say? You can't fool me,"- She said smugly, arms crossed, –"Why don't you tell me what really happened? You didn't just pick that fight with him."

I sighed for the million time, -"No, I didn't pick it. He looked for it,"- I squeezed my knees, remembering everything. Hate spilled out of my mouth, -"He deserved that, he deserved worse in fact, he-"

I spoke to myself and Kat noticed. She interrupted me, -"Why, Jean? I don't think anyone deserves getting his nose broken like that."

I laughed, -"He does,"- Then, I lowered my gaze and spoke lowly, -"And I was… just defending Marco, that's all."

-"I don't think that's all,"- Sorry for her, I couldn't tell her anything else, -"Do you remember what you said when you fought?"

-"I… wait a minute, do you know?"- I ended up asking her questions.

She nodded, -"Someone recorded you while you were on that… rampage. The video is on YouTube with almost 5 million views,"- She leaned closer to me, -"We've already done some adjustment to delete it, so don't worry about it."

I shrugged, -"I could care less about that."

She arched an eyebrow, -"Figured,"- Again, she wrote something on the papers, -"Do you have some kind of relation with Marco?"

-"What…? I… no, of course not!"- I sputtered at her sudden question.

-"I didn't specify the relation, it could be family, friendship or…,"

-"No, none."- I quickly said before she could even mention it.

-"I object,"- She said harshly. She was taking this very seriously, -"You don't fool anyone, not after the video. You were definitely protecting Marco; you told the other student that you weren't going to let him 'touch' Marco again. That's not an everyday reaction and I am aware of Marco's situation with the bullying."

I laughed, -"Be honest, Kat. You think I'm gay?"

-"I didn't say that,"- She shocked her head. She was calm and cool, -"Why do you think that? Is it because I'm right?"

I almost blurted out, -"No way!"- I wasn't gay, not even in heaven or hell.

-"I see… then what is it? What kind of emotion made you react like that?"

-"I dunno…,"- How can I explain the weird and messed up friendship me and Marco had? –"It's complicated and… weird. I don't know how to explain, because I'm not sure myself,"- After a moment of thinking about what I just said, -"That sounded worse, didn't it?"

She laughed, -"I'm honestly thinking to take you to Saint Grimore's Asylum in Sina."

-"Hey, I'm fine, really."- She didn't have to exaggerate, I wasn't a madman.

-"That's what every crazy person says,"- She sighed worriedly and wrote something again, -"Jean, I'm not a professional psychologist, but I can see that you really need help… from a professional."

Was I that bad? My stomach whirled again, -"I said I'm fine,"- Ugh, I was so stubborn, but honestly, I didn't want anyone's help. I knew what was wrong with me and it wasn't so bad either way. I stood up when the bell rang, -"Let's go, Marco."

He nodded and stood up, until Kat called him, -"I'd like for you to stay, Marco. I have some questions for you. I'll write you an excuse afterwards."

He nodded and stayed, but not before I pulled him away, -"Hey… about what we talked, I'll think about it. Just give me time."

He looked worried, but didn't protest, -"Okay."

I left, but I wanted to stay. Marco was there and I was going to chemistry, big distance and the more farther we were, the more unease I felt. I was also worried that Marco will tell Kat what I didn't. At the end, I went to chemistry with the only reason to give the class material to Marco. At physical education, I didn't do anything. Marco didn't come and I wondered what happened, naturally I got real worried.

Mom came early today and I left without seeing Marco.

At home, I walked on circles on my room. Dad wasn't home and mom was busy watching TV. Guess what, I was busy too. I didn't eat anything, so my stomach grumbled, but I ignored it and started thinking. Walking on circles with an empty stomach wasn't helping me think, so I went downstairs took a snack and took a bath. Weirdly, while taking a shower, my mind was more open. Thoughts flowed in better, maybe it was because I was free… naked.

I think I already made my decision long ago, but that fear kept appearing; it was smaller though. Honestly, the idea of changing to who I was before excited me. At the same time, I wanted to be beside Marco because not only was I his only friend, he was my only friend. I needed him and he needed me. I wanted to keep him safe too and like I said, I didn't want to hurt him… if I turned him down on this, I'd end up hurting him like never before. All those horrible feelings I had in school came, but the excitement and happiness overflowed me as an idea popped in my mind: I wasn't going to answer him verbally; I was going to surprise him… by my clothes.

Excitedly, I exited the bathroom and quickly looked for something to wear tomorrow. I had a lot of souvenirs of geek and gaming stuff that I collected. I had clothes too but I bet I didn't fit in them anymore. Below my bed, I had all those stuff in boxes filled covered with dust. I blew the dust off and opened all of them and I almost gasped when I saw an awesome Batman sing necklace: it was in steel; simple but awesome. I also had the same Batman hand clock Marco had. Perfect. Uh, I had a very sweet bracelet with many squares in double colors: black and white. I took it all out and headed to the closet. I knew I had many geek clothes; they were on the far end of it, barely visible. I entered and dug out a pair of black combat boots, black jeans and a sleeveless black jean-styled vest with Batman's sign on the back. I looked for accessories while slightly touching my ear, feeling a tiny hole where I used to have earrings not long ago. I took a tiny box below my bed where I kept all the earrings and found Batman's logo earring and cleaned it. In the drawers, I knew I had beanies, looking for one I used a lot then. When I found it, I quickly put it on to see if it fit me; well… my head hasn't grown apparently. It was awesome and I loved it: it was black and 'I am Batman' was written on it in yellow.

While putting the earrings on, I set everything to its place and organized my clothing. I realized that the clothes and boots I choose weren't so small. Even while I was on eleventh grade, mom kept buying me these things. Back then, she loved how I jumped like a fanatic when I saw something of Batman and she didn't doubt buying it. I think Marco isn't going to be the only one surprised to see me tomorrow.

I went to sleep with so much excitement. I never wanted to go to school this much. I felt like a little kid. I closed my eyes and waited for the next day to arrive.

SO CUTE! I WAS LITERALLY CRYING WHILE WRITING DX I AM SO CRUEL SOMETIMES! But don't worry, good moments shall come (ifyouknowwhatimean) I am kind of nervous that you guys find this chap boring :/ let me know!