Disclaimer: I own this non-profit retarded fanfic. The characters are not mine. Also, I borrowed lines from 'The Legend of Ron Burgundy'.

Hello there! I know I mention in my profile about my reasons for not updating fast enough but today I got time to sit and relax. Ahhhh... sweet time to write my humor stories *hears crashing sounds* the hell was that!?

I also did mention sometime ago to update 'No sex for a month'. Well I had it in a very rough script and some parts didn't make any sense and the jokes completely suck. I'm guessing it must be the side-effects this anti-seizure meds i'm taking.

Anyways, it was nice to finally update this story. I hope you will enjoy this chapter!

Brooklyn skipped merrily down the hall, singing a song while still holding the G-string thong meant for Kai "Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Kai is so gonna wear this thong! oh happy birthday to me!"

Meanwhile, at the pool area...

They all got the chance to see Kai's awesome shirtless upper body and because of that, every female got a mini orgasm while most of the men can't help but wonder about the big deal of seeing shirtless Kai. Although a small part of them wanted to go near and admire him in a safe and not suspiciously gay about Kai distance. The dual haired sexy shirtless teen however finds it creepy and they look more like they're ogling at him rather than giving curious innocent stares. Sure, they were all straight but Kai was really, REALLY that ridiculously sexy when shirtless despite not even doing much besides being good looking and simply being there.

Kai can't help but curse at his unfortunate predicament "shit", he murmured.

Because right now, the atmosphere around him feels dangerous as everyone was starting to show an interest which apparently involves blushing, drooling, and having dirty thoughts some of which are so disgusting that this author refuses to write. His instincts tells him to 'get the hell out now!', his other instinct however has other ideas. It simply tells him to 'Kill everyone and bathe in their blood'. Kai can't decide but if someone starts to touch him in his private place all hell will break loose and choosing the second options sounded better. Besides, being put in a mental asylum was way more comforting than being in prison.

And then there was a sudden strong gust of wind

The mood quickly changes when everyone's attention was on a large helicopter arriving, inside were people holding video cameras and four Russians slowly descending down on a helicopter hook ladder. Kai cursed even more, loudly this time. Nobody hears him anyways due to the noise the helicopter was making.

When the Russians finally made it to solid ground bringing with them their film crew. Garland couldn't help but ask "what the hell are you all wearing?" he pointed at their questionable clothing, it was the same swim wear they wore last time "you look like male strippers!" he looks at Ian and Spencer, he cringed at the sight of them "except you two. You generally look awful"

Ignoring his two team mates hurt expression, Bryan corrected Garland "Wrong! we look like High end strippers. Ones' that politicians and celebrities would hire" he said proudly and sounded awesome right now. He looks around for Kai and found him. He smiles 'oh good he's shirtless' his eyes goes lower and there was disappointment Kai was wearing shorts, Bryan cried a little inside.

All cameras were suddenly all on Kai and it was Tala doing all the directing "Alright, I want a close up to his face and torso" he goes on and on about several instructions to the film crew. Eventually, they were all invading Kai's personal space.

Kai was getting irritated "Tala, what the hell is going on?"

"we were invited"

"I'm talking about THIS" Kai gestured towards the film crew and later swats Bryan's hands away from attempting to take off his shorts.

Ian explains "oh didn't you know? there were so many fan request about wanting to see you shirtless. At first we had a hard time trying to contact you but then we got invited to Brookyn's birthday party and since it says everyone is invited, we figured you'd be here".

Tala smiled evilly "And now, since we're here. How about losing those unattractive shorts Kai?"

ah dammit not this again! "No"

Ian pleaded "please, for the fans?"

Kai was defiant "I said no"

"not even for a few minutes?" said Hilary and so does the rest of the shirtless Kai fan club The other straight males however just stood there, all useless and way too busy being mesmerized by shirtless Kai.

"Lee am I gay for liking Kai?" asked Kevin

"uhh...no, of course not! this is Kai. It's totally normal to have a man crush on him"

"oh, thank god!" screamed Tyson, overhearing their conversation.

"I'll even have sex with you Kai!" and this was said none other than Max's mom, Judy. This made his son completely speechless and utterly horrified.

"I love Kai!" screamed Micheal

and less forget, Julia was there "I love Kai too!"

"We're gonna have babies together!"

"that's genetically impossible. You're a freakin' BOY!" yelled Emily

While what she said was true, Bryan held back tears "I know!". He then goes closer to Kai, very uncomfortably close, his face looked determined as if he has something to confess, like having a deep dark secret waiting to be exposed. "Look, the bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time in Japan Kai. For me, you are still a member of the Blitzkreig Team"

Kai stares

"We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being near you"

Ooookay? Kai took a few steps back away from Bryan.

"I miss your musk... When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!"

Majority objected at the idea of Bryan and Kai living together "OH HELL NAW!". A massive royal rumble started as everyone fight for Kai's love even though Kai didn't want to start a relationship in any one of these freaks.

"By the way has anyone seen Kai?" One of the film crew said, they got so busy concentrating on recording everyone fighting over Kai that they lost their main objective. Tala wasn't so happy at all!

"Idiots! don't just stand there, find him!"

Meanwhile...

Brooklyn conveniently locked both himself and Kai in a private room.

"strip"

.

.

.

To be Continued...

Gee, what would these two do alone in a room? I wonder...

(A/N): If you guys have any Ideas/Suggestions, feel free to ask. Don't need to be shy, Heck, even MisstiqueRose asked for the Russians and I was like "that might be crazy enought to make this chapter insane! sure I'll put them here". Sometimes I just like to spoil you all... well sometimes...

Ideas for future chapters

Kai visits Zeo - He's a robot, it can't be possible for a robot to fall in love.

Kai and Boris - Boris has formulated a potion that will repel all his unwanted stalkers/perverts but for a price...

And now to answer the reviewers

Fifitheflowertot: Thank you for reviewing and since you're wondering where I get my ideas, all I can say I like to surround myself with funny people (not clowns though, they freak me out)