Oh Glob, I'm so sorry for the late update! My computer's been giving me internet issues... I hope it's not permanent :( other than that, I've been dealing with university admission and that other shit. It's very tiresome and classes haven't even started... *sigh*

Anyway :) thank you guys so much for the support! I know you will like this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it...! *cough cough*

NINETEEN

Mom picked me up from school and when we reached our home, I quickly went upstairs to my room, closed the door and sank my face in the pillow. Dad was knocking hard on my door and calling me, -"Jean! Please, open up! What happened?"

I didn't answer him and just sank more in my bed.

My mind raced with thoughts, my chest tightened; I wanted to cry, but I was too proud for that… I was out of the soccer team, no more playing for me. No more soccer…, Trevor hit me were the sun doesn't illuminate. His words didn't hurt me as much as being kicked out of the soccer team did. He got what he wanted: to humiliate me. Sure, he wanted to deliver that message, but his goal was to mortify me. I didn't felt so humiliated though, I was more depressed that I'll never get to play what I loved. It was stupid anyways; it was damn obvious they'd kick me out after all I've done to them, which I regretted nothing, but still… he didn't have to public it like he did. I knew I wasn't a good player, but I still liked playing…

Another thing that was hunting me was Marco's supposed condition. I had no idea what he might have, it was probably something emotional and physical, after all he'd been through…

I was drowning again because I'm weak; I'm letting all this get to me. Why couldn't I suppress it like Marco does? How does he do it? How is he capable of handling something like this… surfacing from this never ending abyss? The word is cruel, filled with cruel people that one must suppress, people that want to take you down no matter what and that you have to fight back, but… it's not as easy as it sounds and I knew that Trevor wasn't the only one who wants to take me down.

-"Jean, I can help you! Just let me in and we'll talk!"

I walked to the bathroom and took a long bath. It got longer and longer; I didn't even bathe, I just stood there and let the water run down my body. Little by little, it kept getting hotter and hotter. In the end, what really had me on edge… was Marco. I couldn't come up with a possible condition that he could have and that made me desperate. Thinking about him warmed my heart a bit, but at the same time, it made me awkward. I still couldn't explain or comprehend that dark impulsion I get whenever someone insults him or whatever. It was weird, but I've been like his guardian since kid and I've had that same impulsion whenever that shaved kid mocked him. I could also kind of feel his presence; we were like connected. Now that I think about it, that kid kind of looked like Connie…

I'll investigate that tomorrow, but now, I wasn't in the mood.

I exited the bathroom and dad was still there in my door, -"Son… please."- He pleaded, but I still didn't answer him. I had to get through this without him… he has already done enough for me.

Next day's school, Marco came to me hurriedly, -"Jean!"- He called me and I swiftly turned around. He looked so geek today and I… I wasn't in the mood for dressing up. I just had my ripped jacket, messed up hair and dark circles under my eyes. I didn't slept yesterday, the grief haunted me, but I tried not to show it, -"Are you… are you okay?"- I've been asked that a lot recently.

I tried to hide my face. I had the hood down, but the light blew off my cover. I didn't say anything and just nodded slowly.

He didn't fell for that, -"Jean…,"- He leaned closer to me and tried to see my face.

I hid it more, -"I'm fine."- And harshly turned around, giving him my back. I gazed back at him; he was so worried and desperate for me to give him an answer, desperate for me to get better. He was desperate to help me, just like I help him. Ironically, he had helped me all this time; he just hasn't realized it yet…

Before he could say anything else, I entered Hanji's and sat far away. I appreciated his attempt to help me more, but this is something I must face myself. I had it coming. I thought that after all I've done, all the damage, I could walk away unscathed, but I was wrong and now I'm paying with my own tears and agony. I don't know if there's more to come: more humiliation, more pain, more sorrow… I couldn't just point it out. It just comes and happens. All I knew is that it wasn't over. My conviction wasn't over and above everything else… I wanted Marco out of this, out of harm's way, out of my problems and issues. He carries enough anguish and grief already, I can't fuel it more with mines.

Nothing was helping, this was all a mess, because the more I stayed away from him, the worst I feel and I knew he felt the same. Everything I'm doing, it was for his sake, but at the same time, it wasn't doing any good. My head spun and I felt even more confused. Everything became a blur; I didn't know what to do… I yearned for his comfort, for his warmth, but fear held me back.

On the way to Spanish, our way was blocked by twelve one. I didn't want to be part of this, so I began to turn around when I heard a very familiar voice that I thought I wouldn't hear again, -"Good morning, losers. How's it going?"- This can't be…

I turned back around and saw Trisha in the middle of all the students from twelve one. This could only mean one thing: she's taking the leadership now. She kept throwing insults at us, but I ignored it and began to leave, when I heard, -"Where's the useless and foolish guy that broke my heart?"- She was asking for me and that's when I broke into a run.

I cut Spanish. I had no idea what happened then; if they solved it, if they fought, if they managed to go to Erwin's… nothing. I was dead worried for Marco and I hoped from the deepest abyss in my heart that he's alright, but I couldn't show my face there… I couldn't face them, couldn't face her. I was definitely weak and selfish. I haven't changed at all.

I was walking absentmindedly through the hallway to English when I heard laughs. Of course, everyone knew, everyone heard about me through the intercom and they laughed, snickered and whispered when I passed. I thought I could handle situations like this, but…

I broke from my trance when I bumped into someone, -"Well, hey, look who it is. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…"- I knew that voice so damn well now, -"Mister Failure."

I looked up to meet George's tall figure. I tried to straighten up and look cool, but it didn't work. He pushed me and my back landed on the wall behind with a thud. Then, he stepped closer to me and I shoved him back with my arm, -"Fuck off."

I began to step away but he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. While doing so, he did a horrible twist in my wrist that ached, -"Fuck off? After all you've done? You think I'm some kind of idiot to let you go?"- Slowly, he began to raise his voice, gaining attention, -"Like yeah, we should totally be friends after all you've done. What do you think?"- The sarcasm was clear.

I struggled away from his grip, -"I don't play friends with a cheap bastard."- Our surrounding filled with uhh-s.

I earned a punch from that; right in the face, just below my left eye. I stumbled and fell on my ass feeling lightheaded and dizzy. My vision went to a blur, but I could still see George leaning down on me, -"Cheap bastard? It was actually good, you know? You should've joined us and maybe none of this would've happen. You call us problematic and it's you who started this mess. If you just kept your pathetic little mouth shut…,"- He went for my mouth. Before he did, I shoved his hand off and stood up, -"Running away, are we? You can't keep running forever, chicken wuz."

He was right; I can't keep running away… literally. There was a crowd around us yelling fight all over, -"Drug addict,"-I began to throw him a lot of insults and nicknames I just came up with. They came from deep within me, -"Weed-sucker, cheaper, jui-"- Another punch.

-"I mean it when I say to keep your fucking mouth shut!"

I kept insulting him and every time I said a nickname, I got a punch as an answer. It went on like that and I ended slumped on the floor. It was happening all over again… I was being bullied and like always, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. My face was numb, I stopped seeing George correctly and my head spun. I began to taste my own blood; I stopped hearing the cheers from the crowd. My face was bloated and heavy. Even so, I stood up with my wobbled legs, but was kicked down again. Shit, why wasn't I getting that impulse again? Why can't I fight back? Could it be because I don't have a purpose now…? Ugh, I'm so weak!

My eyes were beginning to close themselves, until I heard that soothing and warm voice I've grown accustomed to, the voice I yearned for this whole time…, -"Jean! Hold on!"

Relief spread through my whole body when I saw Marco running towards me through a gap in the crowd. Then…, -"No! Stay back!"- I yelled as I tried to stand up.

George looked back, but Marco was already inside the crowd of people, pushing himself towards me, -"Oh, I don't remember inviting you to this par- what the hell?"

Behind Marco came Reiner, Eren, Berthold and Annie. They pushed themselves inside the crowd too and began blocking everyone. Reiner and Eren held George back while Annie and Berthold blocked the crowd from pushing forward, -"Go, Marco!"- Eren shouted.

With George distracted and held back, Marco dashed for me. He reached for my arm and wrapped it around his neck. With the other hand on my waist, he pulled me up and dragged me out of the crowd. The people booed and called me a chicken as I disappeared from the hallway. When I gazed back, George was waving his arms angrily at me, -"Damn you, Jean! You can't keep running forever! This isn't over!"- His voice echoed loudly through the hall until reaching my ears, but I was out of his sight already.

Marco kept dragging me somewhere, but I had no idea where and I couldn't think. Even that hurt me, -"Marco… wait."- I began to wiggle out of his grip.

We ended up in a bathroom and there, he let go of me. I leaned on the wall and kneeled, arms resting on my knees, -"Jean… are you hurt?"- He asked me.

I was looking down and still had the hood on, so he couldn't see my face. I once again hid it from him, -"I'm… I'm fine."

He kneeled beside me, -"Jean, please… I want to help you."

Deep within me, I wanted that. I wanted to let go of this pain that was eating me alive, inside and outside, but I was held back by other emotions. Obliviously, I began to move my head in his direction, but halted. Then, Marco's hand reached for my hood and pulled it down. He stared in panic at my face, gasped and stood up. He had his hands on his mouth and I swore that he was about to cry. Honestly, I felt like I was going to cry too. A horrible knot was forming on my throat. I swallowed while I stood up and opened my mouth to speak… but nothing came out.

-"Your face…"- He breathed out as he reached for my face once again. He was panicked and worried… somehow, that warmed my cold heart.

I looked away and swallowed for the second time. I was swallowing tears, -"I'm fine… It'll go away."- I dug my hand in my pockets.

He pulled my arm and I looked at his determined face, -"No… no you're not,"- He reached for my face, slightly touching my cheeks, but I pulled back a bit, -"You're never fine. You've lied all this time… why can't you be honest and express how you really feel, Jean? I'm really worried. You're hurting yourself,"- A tear leaked out of his eye. He wasn't holding anything back… unlike me. He was being honest… unlike me, -"You think you're alone, but you're not. I'm here. I also used to think I was alone… until I met you,"- His hand was completely on my cheek now and I felt that warmth in me again. Slowly, I began to rest my head in his hand as he spoke and suddenly, the pain started to fade,-"You don't have to face your problems on your own, you have friend, you have me and I'll travel through all the cities again if I have to… for you. So just… stop hurting yourself, you're hurting me too…"- He lowered his head a bit as he parted his hand from my face to clean his tears.

I stared at him for a long moment as I felt the pain go away, both inside and outside, but mostly inside. That warmth grew bigger each second that passed and I wanted to embrace it. Marco helped me once more, like he always did. And like always, he was right. I was hurting myself and at the same time I was hurting him, who I wanted unharmed in first place. I was dumb; I let all these dark emotions take over… that I forgot the most important thing here: he was my best friend. Slowly, the emotions that held me back disappeared as I walked closer to Marco and sank my face in his shoulder. We needed each other…

I began to cry in his shoulder, -"I'm… sorry… I'm so sorry, Marco. I…,"- I sobbed and sobbed nonstop. I was letting it all out, -"It's just that… everything is over me. Everything I do it just… turns against me. I don't know if I can handle it anymore, Marco. I'm falling and I'm not crawling back up… it's-it's…,"- I wanted to say more, I wanted to say that his supposed condition had me panicked, but I couldn't admit any of that yet, that I was more worried about him than myself.

I felt Marco's hand crawl up to my back and squeeze it. I gazed up a bit, my tears reaching my mouth. I felt like a little kid; if Marco let go of me, I'd fall. Slowly, I crawled mines up, -"It's going to be alright…"- He whispered back and I realized that he knew the other thing that had me on edge, -"You have to keep fighting, Jean… please. I beg you."

He wanted me to fight and keep moving; he didn't like seeing me like this, he didn't want me like this.

His words soothed me completely and everything faded. I stopped crying. I forgot everything that happened, it was just us right now… like old times. A faint image appeared before me: me as a little kid crying in young Marco's shoulder. I don't remember why I was crying then, but I knew that Marco was comforting me like right now.

We stood like that for what looked like an eternity and I didn't bother. I felt so free and relieved; I didn't want this to end.

My nose was literally on Marco's neck and I inhaled his smell. It was so… fresh and simple. It wasn't a perfume… it was like his own smell. It's hard to describe, but it kind of made me sleepy; it was like one of those liquids parents puts on their babies, cooling and smooth. I felt like I was in home. It was… good. My mouth opened, wanting to bite in and taste his neck… have that scent in my mouth…

That's when we hear snickers and gasps. I shot up from the weird trance and stepped away from Marco. When I look back, I see two girls laughing to themselves. One coughed, -"This is the girls' bathroom, if you haven't noticed. Get a room next time,"- Marco and I looked at each other, both red as tomatoes and walked out, -"Gays."- The girls laughed.

Outside, we met Reiner and Eren, -"Finally, you came out of the closet, Kirshtein."- Eren laughed.

-"Shut up, Yaeger."- I quickly said, as always, but I didn't have a comeback now. I was too dumbstruck.

Yikes… back there I… what the hell happened to me? I didn't even realize I was in the girls' bathroom. I didn't know what I was doing… above all, the girls saw. I hope they were from tenth.

Nervousness stirred within me while I scratched the back of my neck. My face was burning hot. I slowly gazed back at Marco and my heart beat went faster, -"I think we have class now."- He said.

After that, we went to class. I spend all the time with Marco… I was a bit intense about what happened; not the crying, the other stuff… I almost bit his neck and I wouldn't have stopped if it weren't for those girls. I don't know why, but I wanted to. The desire still lingered in me whenever I looked at his neck. I began to imagine what I would've done if I did bit his neck: lick it, taste it, savor it…

I shock off those weird images. Other than that, I didn't want to stay away from Marco. I felt like if I did, I'd slip away. He was like the base that held me and I mean that emotionally. I wasn't so depressed anymore, but I was still sad and down about the soccer team. That's why I blend and Marco somehow kept me straight. After the emotional moment we had, I feel even more connected to him. I never cried in front of anyone. Marco was the huge exception.

At physical education, I didn't feel like doing anything, so I hid from Shadis.

-"Come on, I got a surprise for you! It'll cheer you up for good!"- Marco was pulling me towards the court.

I pulled on his shirt, -"What is it? Let's go to the rondure, Marco…,"- I felt like a little kid as I plead him.

-"Trust me on this one!"- He said cheerily.

We exited the gym and when I was about to complain, my mouth shut close when I saw my group playing soccer outside the gym. Everyone.

Connie ran towards me along with Thomas and Samuel, -"Hey, Jean, how are you gonna name your new soccer team?"

I don't know why but I also like the depressed Jean and the cuddly Marco :3 sho cute!

I'm really really trying to correct errors by reading it like five times and i'm like "it's done. No errors", but when I read the chapters in my cellphone I find a damn error -.- wtf?

Anyhow... the love is starting... tan tan TAN!