16. Early Morning Conversations
"P, talk to me. I'm here." Amethyst was holding Pearl as gently as she could, trying to sooth her. She didn't blame her for being in hysterics – she was still in shock from what she had just seen.
"I know, I shouldn't have watched you… I'm so, so sorry. We can talk about it, though, since I already know everything. I don't expect you to forgive me, but just let me help." The purple gem just wanted to desperately to comfort her fellow Crystal Gem, but it was at the expense of making herself feel worse.
God, Amethyst you're so stupid. Why would you watch her, now she's miserable and you won't be able to help. She'll never forgive you for this. Dumb, dumb dumb. And Steven, what was that all about? Why did he look like that? Why was he talking like that? He can't have been serious, right?
They sat there for a while like this, Pearl not giving a second thought to those who might be sleeping below. The way Steven felt in her arms, the way he was shaking, how sad he looked… it was haunting and up-lifting, like a memorial to someone lost at sea. Any hope of finding their corporeal body deemed impossible, but there was an aching tightness in your throat while you mourned them, feeling hopeful that they may resurface one day. Humans settled on these memorials in place of funerals when the death of someone had to be assumed rather than verified, and that's how this felt. He was acting like he had already died, but he hadn't; he said they would never see each other again, but that couldn't be true.
Wordlessly, the purple gem rocked her back and forth, trying to let her expel her grief, but it wasn't an easy task. The two had grown to be closer with Steven's kindness, and now it was his tortured voice that carved a chasm between them. Unlike in reality, Amethyst couldn't stretch herself over to Pearl, bridge the gap by sheer force of will. Steven was hurting, maybe dying, and each of them felt it was their fault.
Eventually, Pearl's sobs slowed to a sniffle, and then to a deadened silence. The two just sat there, arms wrapped around each other, trying process the surge of emotion that had splintered them each horribly between the voicemail and the dream. How could anyone feel so much at once? She felt pain, sadness, relief, desperation, amazement, despair, anger, love, heartache, misery, and guilt. So much guilt.
Amethyst had been crying, too, but her sorrow was nothing compared to Pearl's. The whole episode had been heart wrenching and she wanted Pearl to have her moment, but she needed to snap Pearl back to reality. Now that she had stopped crying, the dawn was just about to break, and she felt like every opportunity to save Steven was shrinking with each minute they wasted. For once, Amethyst felt the next move was obvious to turning this whole thing around, but how could she possibly convince Pearl?
We have to show the others. They need to see it. Steven wanted that.
"Pearl… we can't stay here forever. The sun will up soon, the other's might already be awake. Let's just…" Amethyst wanted to finish the sentence, but even she didn't sound convinced by her argument.
Pearl said nothing, just sat there, carved from stone.
Amethyst tried again. "Pearl, listen to me. I can't even… imagine what that was like. I saw it through your gem, and I feel like I've been beaten by every corrupted gem we've ever fought. That was… Steven is wrong, though. He's wrong!"
Once again, Pearl did not speak, but her eyes had shifted. She was looking at Amethyst.
"He is worth it. I don't know what those Homeworld punks did to him, but he's still Steven. We both saw it. He was still him, buried underneath all of that junk. Just… c'mon. You know I'm not good with this stuff." Amethyst pulled from the embrace for the first time feeling her face become warm, and Pearl's arms shot up automatically to hold her in place.
"I know, Amethyst. I just… I can't do this again. I can't lose him." Pearl's voice was raw from the sobbing, making her voice sound choked.
"We won't. But we have to show the others. You know that, right?" Amethyst once again tried to sound convincing. It must have worked, because Pearl let her counterpart go and they both sat there for a few moments longer, watching the sun peak over the horizon.
/
"Connie?"
Peridot whispered the girls name, knowing that she must be awake. It was still dark out, but Pearl was having a major melt down above them. The green gem had been unable to sleep that night, resigned to holding Pumpkin close and resting her eyes when the noise had started. First, she heard sniffling that sounded like Pearl – she was worried, feeling inclined to go check, but she let it pass. They were all managing in different ways, she tried to tell herself, don't force it.
Several hours had passed like that, then there was a long silence, and then another set of sniffles. This time, however, it sounded like Amethyst. Peridot sat up and listened hard, trying to make sure she wasn't imagining it. After maybe 15 minutes of listening, she had decided she would go upstairs to check, just to make sure everything was alright.
Peridot knew that everything was not, in fact, alright in the typical sense of the word. A band of humans had shown up and presented them with a very disturbing, cryptic message from the night Steven had been taken. She wanted to be appreciative because she knew they were trying to help, but all Peridot could manage was anger. Not only had the recording not provided any substantial evidence that would help them besides a name (Apatite, a Homeworld scouting gem, a class commensurate with her own) but everyone had become so sad after the message.
About to get up, the sniffling stopped unexpectedly. Muttering to herself, Peridot was prepared to get back in the hammock when a new set of crying began, but this one was not subtle. It was Pearl, undoubtedly, and it was loud and filled with angst. Pearl was not necessarily known for being the most stoic of gems, so Peridot had practically come to expect her crying, but this was something different. The pain in her sobs permeated the very air, swelling with pain and crashing into each Crystal Gem like a tidal wave as they listened on. This was no normal cry – something was wrong.
"Connie?" The green gem repeated again, when the human did not respond.
"Yes, I'm awake, Peridot." The girl responded, the only other occupant on the inside of the barn (save Pumpkin).
"Should we…" the green gem began, trying to formulate an appropriate question.
"No, we shouldn't. The message from last night made Pearl snap. We just… she needs to let this out. It'll be better in the morning." Connie's voice sounded exasperated, but also sad. After all, they all missed Steven.
Saying nothing at first, Peridot leaned back over into her position in the hammock, prepared to let things pass, lost in thought, trying to ignore the wailing of her fellow gem above.
Humans are such a strange breed. They have such a large capacity to inflict and receive pain, and yet their physical bodies are so fragile. We can reform if we're hurt, they just go around carrying that with them all the time… Peridot respected that in Steven and Connie both, the longer she knew them. She thought about her own pain with missing Lapis, missing Steven, how it weighed her down in spite of her attempts to let it go.
After several more minutes of Pearl crying, Peridot noted Amethyst's voice chime in in a whisper. She couldn't make out the exchange, but given that they were both engaged now she probably would not be able to return to her rest anytime soon.
"Connie?"
"Yes, Peridot?" The human girl sounded annoyed, probably because Pearl had woken her up from sleep.
"Do you feel pain when you think about Steven being gone?" The green gem wanted to understand this, maybe adapt this human quality of bearing extended periods of pain.
Connie was, needless to say, surprised by the question. She hadn't expected Peridot to want to talk about something of substance, and she had been trying to go back to sleep. But, she had become used to Peridot's difficulties with social conventions, so she tried to be patient.
"Well, yes. Don't you?"
"O- of course I do. I just… I feel guilty."
That made Connie soften. Poor Peridot, she just wanted so much to be helpful…
"Don't worry, we all sort of feel that way. You just have to think about how rewarding it will be when we get him back."
Neither of them spoke for a while, listening to the night around them, Pearl's sobbing turning slowly into an aching cry.
Finally, the green gem posed another query. "I don't feel guilty because of that. It's… Lapis. I feel almost as worried about her as I do about Steven. Does that make me a bad person?"
The human and gem sat in silence again, both thinking about the question. Peridot's worries were sincere, Connie could tell, but she didn't know exactly how to answer.
"Well, do you care about Lapis, Peridot?" Connie asked the green gem who wiped at her eyes beneath her visor.
"Yes."
"Do you care about her a lot?"
"Uh, yes? I don't think I see the difference."
"Well, I care about Steven a lot. I miss him so much I can barely give Lapis a second thought. But it's the opposite for you – you care about her a lot, so you miss her a lot more." The human girl was trying her best to be clear, but felt herself blushing anyways. Why did talking about Steven always make her turn into such a… teenager.
That was helpful, but not addressing the heart of the issue. "Well, if you care, how do you deal with the pain? Humans have a much higher tolerance for pain than gems, it seems. I'm… I'm just, it's hard. I miss her." Connie was surprised to hear Peridot choking up as she tried to explain. This was an even more complicated question, so Connie thought she would try to use a round-about-way to explain.
"I don't think it's about pain tolerance, Peridot."
"Then, what is it? Why haven't you… doesn't it hurt that Steven's gone?" The green gem noted that the others above her had stopped talking entirely. It was just her and Connie now, educating her on the complexities of earthly emotions.
"Well… I guess it's more like pain reallocation. When you love someone, you just try to put the pain to the side. Use it as fuel rather than dead weight. It's not that it's gone, but it's not as important as the way you feel about them."
"Oh," was all Peridot could say. She had never thought about it like that, but it made logical sense. The resource of pain will be abundant if you miss something or someone you love, so instead of wasting the surplus, reengineer it to serve a useful purpose. Simple, but efficient.
A few slivers of sunlight began to peak through the barn at this point. Peridot could hear Amethyst talking again, but she couldn't make out any words. She wasn't focused on the gems above her anymore, anyways, but the conversation she had just had with Connie.
After another stretch of silence, Peridot wanted to ask Connie more questions, to clarify the method behind the theory, but the green gem opted to remain silent. She could hear the sincerity in the human girl's words when she talked about Steven, the ache in her voice that echoed the ache that Peridot felt when she thought about Lapis, gone without a word. Pain reallocation... How does one unburden the weight carried by the heart?
Peridot eventually spoke when she heard the shifting of bodies above them, Pearl and Amethyst about to come down to the ground. Sitting up, she saw Connie rubbing the sleep from her eyes and untangling her long hair.
"Connie?" The girl looked over towards her.
"Wow, thanks."
/
The five of them had decided to part ways just after midnight, Jenny dropping off Buck Dewey and Sour Cream on the way to her house, and Lars and Sadie offered to walk home from the Pizza residence.
"Are you sure? I don't mind giving ya'll a lift, it's late." She sounded exhausted and yawned, but tried to put on a reassuring smile.
Sadie responded with her own tired smile. "No, really it's fine. You did a lot for us already by bringing us out of the city. We're not far from here." She gestured her thumb in the opposite direction, vaguely towards the streets that would bring them to the Miller and Barriaga homes.
"If you're sure…" Jenny bit her lip, but the others could tell she was already really tired.
"No, Jenny, just go to bed. You've got work tomorrow," Lars said to her bluntly.
"Alright, well, bye guys. Text me when you get home!" She waved and went inside her house, and Lars and Sadie began to walk down the road towards their own places of rest.
Lars knew why Jenny had said that last part, and it made him sad. He was just watching his feet while they walked, not speaking, but it was kind of nice. That's one of the best parts about Sadie, he thought to himself, she didn't ask too many questions if he wasn't in the mood. Sometimes she would make him do stuff at work, but that was different. She just stuck her hands in her coat pocket and looked ahead.
Everyone in town had been super on-edge since everything that happened 10 – or was it 11? – nights ago. Word spread pretty quickly that Steven was gone, as he was a pretty hard presence to overlook in Beach City. The morning after played through his head, a memory that made his spine shiver.
"Yo, Sadie. Sorry I'm late. I couldn't sleep."
"It's fine, just, can you help me with these?" She indicated three big boxes on the floor. She was holding one, but he noticed she was having a hard time.
He went over to help and helped her lift from the bottom. They were heavy, but it wasn't so bad together. They hauled it back to the break room and put it next to the other boxes of crap he didn't really care about.
"Did Steven come by yet today?"
"No, not yet, although it won't be long now." Sadie grinned. Lars knew she liked his company, but he didn't particularly care for it.
"Ugh, good. I need to delete my number from his phone. He left me the weirdness voicemail last night." In typical Lars fashion, he did little to hide his annoyance.
"Really?"
"Yeah, he might have just butt-dialed me or something but it was just stupid. It's like, over an hour long. Like c'mon, man, I was trying to sleep." Lars rolled his eyes, but smiled when Sadie laughed.
Would things have been different if had answered the phone? Why did Steven call him – Lars Barriga of all people – when things went wrong? They weren't exactly best friends (at least, Lars didn't think so), and what was he supposed to do? He tried not to get involved in all of Steven's weird magic stuff, especially after getting trapped on that island with Sadie.
She interrupted his thoughts right then, as if reading his mind. "The stars are beautiful tonight, aren't they? They look just like they did on the island." She was glancing up, not looking at him, but past him, far into the cosmos.
He looked up too, following her gaze. It really was something, looking up there tonight. It was like the world gave pause to think about what had happened in Beach City, time slowing down so that the rest of them could catch up.
They were nearing Sadie's house at this point, both of them watching the sky above. He hadn't realized they had been walking so close together until she spoke again.
"You did a good thing today, Lars."
"You think? I just… I mean, he's a twerp, but he's just a kid." Lars didn't elaborate, feeling a lot of strange things all at once. It was hard to tell from the brief conversation he had with Steven's dad a few days ago, and Lars wasn't one to pry, but he had really made it seem like Steven wasn't even on Earth anymore. The poor guy, he looked so crushed as he talked about Steven, eyes filed with love and sadness. Lars knew all about that.
Lars walked her up to the porch in front of her house, but turned around to give the sky a final glance before walking under the light that would eclipse the universe above.
"Do you… think he's alright?"
Sadie said nothing at first, but her eyes were downcast. She wouldn't lie to him, even if it hurt him.
"I don't know. Steven's… family? They all seemed really worried. And they're like, super strong aliens or something. They didn't seem optimistic… but I hope so."
The lanky teenager turned to face her again, ready to say goodbye, and was surprised to find himself hugging her. He hadn't even been sure who had initiated it, but it felt nice, not to be alone while wondering so many things all at once.
/
His mom looked really, really mad that he had come home so late. It was easy for her to stay up because she had been letting Mr. Universe crash on the couch during all of this, so he wasn't necessarily surprised that she was waiting for him.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I tried to call but my phone died." Sour Cream sounded sincere, frowning as he looked at his mom's worried face. She had come out to the garage when she heard the door open, relief washing over her and being quickly replaced by anger.
"That's no excuse, Sour Cream. After what happened with Greg's… just, don't worry me like that again. I know you want to hang out with your friends and I don't want to be all 'Yellow Tail' on you, but if you don't call next time you won't be allowed to go out after dark anymore."
He didn't try to argue – he knew his mom was trying to be reasonable, and she was his mom, of course she would worry. Instead, the pale teenager just looked at his feet and nodded, surprised when his mom hugged him tight.
Vidalia spoke, "It's alright. Just… let's talk in the morning. Go to bed?" She was trying not to cry.
Sour Cream squeezed back, grateful for her, and complied. He untangled himself from her arms and made his way to bed.
Vidalia followed him into the house, but she went to the living room instead of ascending the stairs to bed. Yellow Tail was upstairs asleep, but it was unlikely that Greg had gotten a wink of rest, so she thought she would stay up with him for a while longer. Now that Sour Cream was home, she didn't feel as tense and could handle some idle conversation.
And he was awake, just like she expected. He was sitting on the couch, head hung as his elbows rested on his knees, looking at the floor.
Poor guy… I can't even imagine.
"Hey, still up, I see." Vidalia tried to sound casual.
He looked up when she spoke. "Oh yeah, Sour Cream make it home okay?" Greg sounded genuinely concerned, and relieved when Vidalia nodded. She hated seeing him like this, it was worse than even when Rose left him.
"Man, that's good."
Greg Universe was usually a pillar of good-humored friendship, always had been, Vidalia thought. This man on her couch seemed like a totally different person, a shell of what he used to be; his face always looked tired and eyes were red from lack of sleep and crying, and his smiles always looked empty. The stars in his eyes didn't fade, though, even though he looked a complete mess. He would talk about Steven to everyone and anyone, always lovingly, and sad but not defeated.
It's been almost two weeks since his kid was missing, and though Vidalia didn't push him for details, she had a feeling it was really bad this time. Not just missing, but kidnapped, and hurt. She thought about her Onion, or her Sour Cream, and hugged herself automatically. Greg had turned to face her and his face was turned up into a weak smile.
"Wanna watch something?" He gestured towards the T.V.
Vidalia, grateful for something to do besides think about his struggles as a parent, answered by flipping something on with the remote. It was a cheesy late-night game show that people were designed to lose, but for some reason contenders would come back, week after week. Since Greg didn't protest, she sat down on the couch next to him and they watched the participant's disappointment as their "cash explosion" was reduced to a measly sum of $51.
"Geez, what's with these shows? I don't see why people bother." Vidalia had never bought into the reality-drama that went along with television anymore, it just felt like a waste to her. People should be more concerned with living their reality, rather than broadcasting it for the world to see. Even worse, on these shows, it always just ended up making the people look foolish, getting their hopes up, to walk away empty-handed.
"I don't know, I think it's kind of fun. You know, like with music, not every song is gonna be a winner. Most of mine suck, actually." He laughed at himself, and Vidalia's face softened. She didn't realize she had been frowning.
"But it's the ones that work out that make it worth it, to keep trying. Like I remember talking about the lottery back when I was still in school and there was this big debate about it. Same kind of thing – some people thought it's just sad that people put their every hope in just pure luck, but other people were like, well, luck is luck, it doesn't choose who it backs, so you might as well give it a shot. Nothing lost if you lose, but something huge could happen if you win."
Neither of them spoke for a moment, the sadness that stung the end of Greg's voice too obvious to ignore.
"Sometimes… Sometimes hope and luck is all you've got." Her long-time friend leaned back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling, not tuning into the show anymore. The lines that carved his face were more than just the wrinkles that came with age – they both sported those stripes proudly – but it was the anxiety that pulled at the corner of his eyes, the dread that settled into the space on his forehead, the fear that pulled his mouth into a frown. After a tense moment, Greg released a long sigh. He hadn't just lost everyone, but everything, too – he severed up every tie he had with family, even his own surname, so he could follow his dreams, he gave up touring and Marty to stay with Rose, he gave up music to get a job in Beach City, he gave up Rose to have Steven, and now he lost Steven and had… what? His van? That wasn't a comforting thought.
"He'll… be okay, Greg. He's a tough kid." Vidalia placed a hand on his shoulder, the man tearing up at her touch.
His voice was shaky, but he responded decisively. "I know, Val. There's no one like him out there. I just miss him, but he'll…" He took a breath. "He'll be okay."
The pair sat there in silence while the T.V. show burst into cheers, raving about someone's unexpected cash winnings, with confetti and shouts coming from off-camera. Vidalia smiled as she rested her hand on her friend's shoulder, happy to hear someone on the show win. Sometimes, no matter how badly we are destined to fail, we have to have hope.
/
Yellow Diamond was seated opposite of Blue, her face refreshingly determined for once. Though her lovely, shimmering eyes were still downcast, her mouth was turned in a wicked grin that Yellow Diamond hadn't seen in centuries. They had just taken their places at a small table that was framed around a large screen, dismissed their Pearls, and were about to discuss the second phase of the plan. Now, they were awaiting White to arrive and the discussion could begin.
"You look pleased." She spoke to her counterpart, her voice always sharp like a whip, but Blue knew her well. She could tell she hadn't intended the comment as condescending or nefarious.
"Yes. There has been a change. But we will wait for White." Her smooth intonations played like a harp in the quiet room. Accordingly, Yellow Diamond said nothing, waiting for the aforementioned Diamond to appear.
Change of plans generally made Yellow unhappy, having already determined the most rational and just resolution, especially if that change was coming from Blue. She was the emotional one, always letting her heart guide her rather than her brain; just another reason Yellow felt she should have been the one to execute the plan. However, White had been right in her ruling – they needed Blue to follow the hybrids emotional trajectory, humans always guided by their irrational tendencies. So, whatever change had happened, Yellow and White would both have to hear Blue Diamond's reasoning – arguing at this moment would accomplish nothing.
For several more minutes, the pair sat in silence. They had both arrived earlier than the agreed upon time, knowing White Diamond would be precisely punctual. It was just her way.
Right on time, a screen shined into life. First, there was nothing but white, and then there was nothing but White. Yellow gazed as her face come into frame, narrowed eyes always aglow with contempt and judgement. White was the only figure in the universe that made her feel small, weak… she loved White, of course, but she couldn't help but resent her, too.
"Blue tells me there is a change in plans." Yellow tried her best not to sound angry, but it was not convincing. She turned to angle herself between the two Diamond's, looking at Blue in favor of White's piercing gaze.
In character, White said nothing, but she arched an eyebrow. Curious, maybe, but disapproving.
"Yes. The hybrid did not act according to the predictions of the Sapphires. He is, like all humans, irrational and unpredictable." The ever-solemn gaze of Blue shifted to Yellow, obviously in an attempt to appeal to her preference for logic.
Yellow simply wanted details. White said nothing. "Yes, and…?"
"He has offered himself, willingly, to act as our subject. We will not have to force him, nor will we have to waste resources sending our gems after him or the Earth. He has set himself his own trap; he will not try to flee or resist, the rebels will undoubtedly come to his aid, bringing them right to us. But," Blue tried to resist the urge to sound excited, but she was too proud of the way things had unfolded.
"The basic structure of the plan remains. Compliance on the hybrid's part makes things easier logistically, certainly, but there's more. Now, not only have we have broken his spirit, but we can make the rebels suffer in a way unexpected. They will hurt when their recovery fails, but he will be the one to ruin them. It is no longer a matter of their leader, Rose Quartz, missing, taken. It is their precious Steven, already an asset to us, denying their hearts every cry for his safety. He is his own prisoner."
No one spoke for some time after Blue's speech. White Diamond's eyes had become even more deadly than normal, but she had turned her head away from them as the explanation concluded. She was looking at something off-screen – the report from the Agate, more than likely. Yellow was surprisingly pleased with the change.
Speaking before White had the opportunity to criticize Blue, Yellow offered her compliments. "I am impressed, Blue. This went better than anticipated. How did you do it?"
She smiled at the accolade, reached a hand over to Yellow and took it gently. "The credit goes to you, Yellow. He suffers greatly from your plan regarding my Agate. I think it might even benefit to bring her out a second time, as much as it displeases me to see. I could not have expected how impactful it was…"
Yellow tilted her head to one side and squeezed Blue's hand before releasing it.
"Perhaps. But I wish to focus on the rebels at the moment. Their punishment has not been agreed upon. Do we know when they will be arriving?" She turned herself to face the screen. White had turned her intense stare back to the two of them, but once again did not speak.
Blue was the one to answer her query. "My Sapphires still do not know a time. They are waiting for us to make a move. But the boy will reach them in a dream, and it is likely going to change the direction of fate. That," She turned to Yellow, who did not return her gaze.
"That is why we are back here." Her voice had regained its usual sadness.
Ah. That is why we returned. Not to revisit that abject vein of Quartz, to mourn her, to feel rather than think and act…
Yellow opened her mouth to speak, wanting the address the small possibility that they do not come for the prisoner, that they do not care as much as Blue perceives, but before she got the chance, White Diamond finally joined the conversation.
"Bring him to me." The voice was flat, leaving no room for questions. Yellow was not going to indulge her this time, though, wanting to use this opportunity to plan.
"But the rebels – they could come sooner rather than later. We must be prepared." She tried to look determined. They would not escape her punishment, not this time.
White did not acknowledge her, looking away from the screen again. "When he is released from treatment, bring him to me. The Agate too. No one is to speak to him until I do, with the exception of his escort."
Now Yellow was furious; not only was this not part of the original plan, but White was ignoring her. She was planning something, she must be, to circumvent the intent of the meeting without explanation. The Diamonds were supposed to be equals, Yellow raged, they are not to keep secrets between them.
"What is happening, White?" It was Blue Diamond who addressed her, obviously tuned to Yellow's frustration. She was always the best mediator for these discussions, to which Yellow was grateful.
"There is something I must see." She was not going to elaborate, that much was clear.
The flatness of her voice did not change throughout the entire conversation, but her eyes flared malevolently when she spoke these last words. The statement rang in the silence for a long moment, and White ended the transmission, leaving them with nothing but an empty screen.
/
An erratic beeping filled the room as Steven thought about the dream he just had. It was as if his life had been turned upside down, landing him back at the very place where this all started: Pink Diamond's base, the Human Zoo. That's not entirely true though, because he was here as neither human nor on a rescue mission. He was here as Steven, the hybrid, the prisoner, the shatterer, and, to many, he was Rose Quartz.
But right now, he was Steven the patient. It was almost struck him as funny as he sat there, looking at tubes and automated little pieces of metal that moved around him and touched screens and did this or that, that the first time he ever received real professional medical care was in a highly advanced alien space clinic.
Well, considering how my life played out, that actually sounds about right.
The little pieces of metal reminded him of Peridot's fingers from her limb enhancers, whizzing around with wordless, emotionless intent. He had no idea what was really happening, but he was starting to feel better, so he didn't complain. There wasn't really anyone to complain to, anyways. The room was relatively small, probably the size of Connie's living room, and the only gems he had seen since arriving here was Heliodor, her poised fury obvious just outside the door, and Danburite. This gem was another new one to him, but she never spoke to him, so she wasn't exactly great company.
The new figure was what Steven had to assume was a nurse or attendant, because she would come in once every hour to check on the beeps and tubes that were hooked up to him. She would record some information on a screen like Peridot's, too, and then leave without a word. Though quiet, there was something calming about her that Steven liked – maybe it was just having a visitor, but there was something else there too. Perhaps, Steven reasoned, it was because she was a Homeworld gem who was helping him feel better instead of worse, even if it was under orders.
Sometimes, she would enter when he was feeling heavy and delirious from whatever medicine was working on his insides, so instead of talking he was resigned to just studying her unusual physical features: she was about Lapis' or Pearl's height, but not quite as thin as the other two gems. Her skin was white and she wore an off-white gown that was cut in the middle, like Opal's, and she had stockings that were pale blue. A blue diamond insignia on her chest left no question to whom she belonged. She wore limb enhancers, but only on her hands and not her legs – she was plenty tall without them. Her hair was the best part about her, though, because it reminded him of a cross between Sapphire and Amethyst; it was long, very long and well kept, almost down to her knees, and it was an incredibly pale shade of yellow. Some of the hair fell over half of her face like bangs, but not fully. She wore an eye-mask like Peridot's that was the same color as her dress, but it was opaque so Steven couldn't see her eyes. Her gemstone, a small white oval, central to her face, was present in place of her nose.
Steven started asking her questions when she first showed up, but she ignored almost all of them. Her voice wasn't soft or melodic like Blue Diamond's, or venomous and intimidating like Heliodor's, but sharp and professional. She only spoke once; to say her name. Unlike all of his other interactions with Homeworld gems, however, he was sitting in a semi-comfortable bed that was warm, so he couldn't even begrudge her. He had almost forgotten what warm felt like, to be cozy, under a blanket, in a real though ill-fitting shirt. It was soft, so he didn't mind that it was almost down to his knees – it was better than feeling half-exposed all the time.
To be honest, Steven was amazed by how quickly his life improved once he had made his deal with Blue Diamond. The whole turn of events definitely struck him as odd, but he just felt relieved; at least now he was on a clear path forward. No looking back.
In looking to the future, Steven was certain this treatment would not last, but he enjoyed it while it did. He wasn't hungry (although he hadn't eaten – maybe that was part of the treatment?) and he didn't feel dehydrated anymore. His cuffs had been removed for the night while he was anesthetized, but their familiar weight had returned the moment he opened his eyes.
Well, really, it was before I opened my eyes. The stinging, burning… that started while I was still with Pearl.
For whatever reason, they had decided to tend to his wounds. He thought about what Blue Diamond had said to him when they had made their deal: I want to understand you. You're much more valuable alive. Human and gem, like this, it's… not natural. This, he figured, was them simply keeping him alive until they determined what other horrible punishment they had in store for him.
As he sat there, his mind turned over as he absently watched the fingers busily pressing buttons and turning knobs that had to have some effect on him, of which he had no idea.
Pearl… it had been so nice to see her again. I hope I didn't make her too sad, but she was crying a lot near the end.
As he remembered the sensation of feeling her tight grasp around him, the loving way she wiped away his tears, her comforting voice, Steven's chest began to feel tight. Some of that rushed back to him – the warmth of tears on his cheeks, but there was no hug, no loving touch, no Pearl. He had begun crying, too, remembering how utterly alone he was.
And what will she tell everyone else? Connie… she would have been better off without all of this. I should have tried to cut ties after what happened with Jasper and Peridot and Lapis the first time. But it hurt so much to see her crying back then, to hurt her like that. That sort of pain…Lapis… I really hope they find her…
It only took a few turns in his train of thought to come back to fusion. Steven was trying desperately not to think about it, and he was having more success than when he woke up in that terrible space-room in front of Blue Diamond, but it was inescapable. Everthing kept coming back to Holly Blue Agate, feeling the remnants of her mind still echoing in his every thought. Every time he closed his eyes, he heard their horrible, gurgling laughter as they were fused – so mad with power, so angry and vengeful; every moment his eyes were open, he saw the reflection of light against some gem tech surface that looked caught his eye, like the glimmering face of a gem shard.
Jasper… Amethyst…
Tired of crying, Steven struggled to stay focused on anything. Anytime he tried to look at the physical world around him, he was thrown backwards in time, remembering the tingle of the whip against his fingers, the spot light, the starry floors; but to close his eyes against all the constant reminders, he pushed him inwards into his own mind, left to drown in the pits of whatever Holly Blue had left him with. Perhaps the most upsetting aspect of the whole thing was the memories, flashing in his brain: the fear in the Famethyst's faces, his inability to move his own limbs, the hatred of Holly Blue Agate that had leaked into his own brain. All of it… the memories were horrible, of course, but they weren't even his, not really. The way the memories felt, they belonged to Opalite. There were fragments that lingering in his own mind, as if their shared experience had been a house torn apart in a hurricane, debris scattering when they flew apart. The sensations, the feelings, those had been some sort of indescribable mixture of the three of them, but they replayed in his memories like sparks from Opalite, and Opalite alone. There was a lot of pain, he couldn't forget, but mostly the rage and when their morning star fell upon the Amethyst, the glory that radiated through them when their foot rested on the Jasper's gemstone…
Should I have told Pearl? It felt wrong not to… for her to not know. No, it's better this way. They'll never have to know what we – what I – did. That's probably why Garnet hadn't told the others… I wonder how much Garnet knows about what's happening, anyways? She can see possibilities – did she ever see this? Did she see me fuse, shatter, murder? Did she watch me breakdown, side with Homeworld, abandon Earth? Please, Pearl. Please tell everyone to stay away.
The beeping in the room had gotten louder and faster – it was his heart rate accelerating, he could tell. He could the life-giving organ hammering agonizingly in his chest and he was unable to avoid the sharp intake of breath that took control of his lungs. Breathing, such a basic human function, had become such a painful reminder of his own existence…
In response to his body's heightened activity, Danburite appeared in the doorway. It wasn't the first time it's happened since he was brought here many hours ago, and it probably wouldn't be the last. There was some movement in the fingers that Steven recognized as something that would slow his breathing. Moments later, an oxygen mask emerged from beyond his vision and was held to his face by phantom digits.
After several minutes, Steven had begun to breath regularly again, so Danburite pulled out her screen to make a record of some kind. Though their interactions were usually scheduled and wordless, Steven liked having a visitor, so he would talk to Danburite even if she wouldn't respond.
"How long have you been here, Dani?" Steven tried giving her a nickname like Peridot during her check-in two visits ago, hoping she might open up if he acted friendly. She didn't respond, so he continued.
"I don't really know how long I've been here, it's hard to tell time in space."
Consistently, she said nothing, not acknowledging his questions, or really his presence. She wore a frown, as she always did.
Steven went on anyways. "Do you like it here? Do you ever get bored?"
She looked up at him for a moment, tilting her head to one side. Steven flinched under her gaze, not expecting her to actually pay him any attention. Just as quickly as she had looked at him, however, her face returned to a screen.
Probably just, I don't know, reporting on my dumb questions? It's not like Homeworld would really make my punishment worse for stupid questions, right? What could be worse than what already… The Gems just need to stay away. Please, please Pearl…
Steven was broken from his reprieve when a floating metal extremity grabbed him by the mouth, raked it open and another flew in after his tongue. It was painful, pulling, and he cried out at the sudden change. The finger clasped down on his tongue like tongs, then the ends became sharp, and his tongue started to bleed. Not horribly, but like it might if he cut it on a particularly sharp chaap. The pain was immediately followed by a warmth in his mouth, the ooze of the punctures releasing more blood as the fingers returned to squeezing.
Then, as quickly as the unexpected abuse began, it was over. A vial of blood floated away towards a small opening in the wall, which closed behind it, and Steven stared in confusion.
Now, he submitted to sitting silently, that was for sure. It was impossible not to focus his attention on his bleeding tongue, stinging and making his mouth feel warm and sticky. Steven decided it best not to speak to Dani anymore, wondering if that was a bizarre way to instruct him to be quiet, so he sat there blankly until she left.
He muttered to himself, bitterly. "Why did she do that?" He rubbed his cheek, feeling his tongue push against the fleshy wetness of his gums on the other side. It was a weird feeling, his mouth already slick with saliva, now his tongue a tiny bit swollen and his mouth swirling with blood and spit.
More beeping, steady and rhythmic this time. The metronome of his life force might have once a comforting reminder that he was alive and all of the potential the world had to offer, perhaps even an inspiring source of music. Now, the sound just monotonously filled the space of the room, an aching reminder that the very reason he was still alive was because of Blue Diamond.
You see, Steven, I spared your life… No, by all means, you are not natural…But you are special, aren't you, Steven?
"Get out of my head," he raised one arm to lay across his eyes, blocking the light of the room. He was reminded of Pearl's touch, gently sweeping across his face, and then the way Holly Blue Agate had prepared to smack him, only to caress his cheek, to take him off-guard…
"Please find Lapis… I hope Pearl stopped crying. Please, Pearl…"
No one responded, and he didn't expect them to. He was alone, and he was getting better at it, but he hated being left with just his thoughts anymore.
"Better get used to it…" he said to himself, almost inaudibly. The beeping of his heart had become the only voice in the room, but he no longer felt like keeping up a conversation.