The weeks went by, October turned into November and it started to get chillier outside. Draco still went to St Mungo's once a week for his therapy sessions with Elara Plunkett. He was getting a bit more sleep lately but that was about it. Since he was trained in Occlumency she hadn't been able to use Legilimency on him.

'If you want me to help you, you have to let me in!' Elara had said two weeks ago.
Draco had just looked annoyed and made a meaningless gesture.
She sighed and sat down in her chair opposite him. 'Look, you don't have to be afraid that I will judge you by the things I will see once you open up your mind to me. I am here to help you and to help you the best I could I have to fully understand you. You have to show me who you are, who you really are...'
'I know.' He simply answered. The truth was he just didn't want to share his memories with anyone, let alone his feelings.

At least there was something Draco had learned during his therapy session: he had to try to get back into the social world again. Go out, see people, talk to them, trying to feel less anxious and paranoid. Since he wasn't really feeling like going back to Diagon Alley, he decided to go to Hogsmeade instead. He hadn't visited the village since he was about 16 years old. He had good memories of Hogsmeade, it made him think about school, being with friends, buying sweets and drinking Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks. He dressed up in one of his warmer cloaks since light snow was falling outside. He also stumbled upon his old Slytherin scarf. He couldn't help but smile a little bit when he saw it. He picked it up carefully as he looked at it, wishing he could just be back into Hogwarts and all of this never had happened. He could just have finished his 7th year, maybe he could have been working for the Ministry now. 'Father would have loved that.' He thought to himself. Draco never really cared about getting into the Ministry himself, he would much rather be playing Quidditch. Merlin's beard, he would give everything to play Quidditch again or go to a Quidditch match.

'What are you doing?'
Draco turned around quickly. 'Mother,' he said breathless. 'You scared me.'
'I am sorry darling, I didn't mean to. What is that? Your Slytherin scarf?' Narcissa asked as she nodded at the emerald scarf he had clutched in his hands.
He nodded.
'I also kept mine, you know that?' She said.
'No.. no I didn't.' Draco answered.
She laughed softly. 'Don't tell your father though, he says I shouldn't hold on to all those "old things"'.
'Well that is an odd thing to say for someone who is possibly the most old-fashioned person walking around on this planet.' He said sarcastically.
Narcissa just grinned in return. 'Are you going anywhere?' She said as she looked at his cloak.
'What? Oh, yes. I am thinking of going to Hogsmeade.' He answered.
'Oh, that is a good idea. It always looks more magical when it snows. I haven't been there in ages, your father and I used to go on our first date there and-'
'I don't need to know all of that mother.' Draco cut her off.
She chuckled. 'Sorry darling, I know. I am happy you are going out, it is good for you. Have fun.' She said and gave him a quick hug.
'It won't be too long, I will surely be back for dinner tonight, bye mother.' Draco said and he disapparated.

He apparated on the little pathway that led from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade. The last time he stood there was probably in his 6th year. He turned around and looked at the magnificent castle. He just felt like he was back in school again for a second. The only thing that was different was that he was standing there alone. Normally he used to walk there flanked by Crabbe and Goyle.

He walked to the little village, hearing the fresh snow crunching beneath his feet. Hogsmeade looked beautiful, the roof tiles of the shops were all covered in a thin layer of snow and the windows were glistening in the candlelight from within the buildings. The first thing to caught his eye was the Three Broomsticks. He was excited and scared at the same time about going in there. He has good memories of it, but at the same time he was scared that people might look at him, call him names, maybe didn't even allow him in there. But that was the whole point of coming here, wasn't it? He had to face his fears, be around people. He took a deep breath and walked into the pub. It was very crowded so no one really paid attention to him. As he looked around to see if there was a table free he spotted a familiar ginger, again. And when he saw that he was sharing a table with someone with silver blonde hair he just wanted to turn around and walk away. But it was too late, George Weasley had spotted him. He didn't greet him though but just looked at him with a disgusted look on his face. Draco wanted to turn around but he tripped over his own feet, fell forward but broke his fall by grabbing onto someone who was walking back to her seat holding three butterbeer. She spilled it all over herself and him whilst she dropped it on the floor.
'Are you mad?!' The witch cried.
'I-I'm sorry-' Draco stuttered, straightening his clothes and reaching for his wand. 'Let me fix this. Reparo.' He said quickly. 'And I'm sorry about that too..' He nodded at her clothes. 'Scourgify.'
The witch just scoffed and walked away without saying another word.
'You're welcome..' Draco murmured sarcastically.

'Draco?' Elara's voice sounded from behind him.
He signed and turned around. She had turned around on her chair to look at him. 'Come sit with us!' She said and smiled at him. She clearly hadn't discussed this with George cause he looked very unimpressed.
'Sorry, I uh- I can't. I have to go.' Draco lied.
George's face turned a lot more cheerful again.
'Oh come on, just a quick drink.' Elara tried again.
'I can't, I have an appointment, at 3 o'clock.'
'Well, it's only five past two, plenty of time.' Elara answered.
Damn it, he thought, why didn't he check the time before saying that? Since there was no way in winning this argument anymore he just nodded, forced the most unrealistic smile and sat down at the table.

'It's good to see you out here! How are you? Shall I get us some butterbeers?'
Draco didn't even have time to answer cause she had already stand up and made her way to the bar. He had never felt more awkward in his life. He was sitting at the Three Broomsticks with George Weasley of all people whilst he just made a fool of himself.
'So.. I see you also know Elara?' George said eventually after an awkward silence.
'She's my therapist, yes.' Draco simply answered. 'What about you, you always go out with your therapists?'
'That's non of your business.' George spat back.
Draco just raised his eyebrows at him. 'Sensitive subject?'
'Shut up, Malfoy.' George said through gritted teeth. He tried to contain himself, he didn't want to punch Malfoy on the nose in the middle of a crowded pub.
Draco just chuckled.
'You've to consider yourself very luckily that I am still sitting here with you and haven't cursed the hell out of you.' said George.
'Oh believe me, I've never been happier.' Draco answered sarcastically. 'Why are you even in therapy?'
'That's non of your business either.' George replied.
'I can imagine your life must have been very traumatic, no money, living in an ugly hovel and also loosing your twin brother.' Draco said.
'Shut up!' George yelled as he stood up and took out is wand. Draco just sat there, raising is eyebrows at him. 'Now now, calm down, everyone is looking at you.'
'You filthy..' George said through gritted teeth, still not lowering his wand.
'What is going on?' Elara asked as she walked back to the table with the butterbeers.
'He's insulting me!' George said.
'Calm down, please, you don't want to make a scene, do you?' Elara tried to shush him.

Eventually George gave in. He took a deep breath, put his wand away and sat down.
'He insulted me.' George said again, this time calmer.
'Is that true, Draco?' Elara asked.
He just shrugged. 'The fact he took what I said as an insult says more about him than about me.'
'What exactly did you say?' Elara asked.
'Just that I understand that he must have had a hard life. You know, no money, loosing a brother.'
'Okay, well maybe George finds it hard to talk about those things. His family means a lot to him. Just try to think how that must feel for him if you bring up those things.' Elara said, looking from Draco to George.
'Right.. but he didn't have to point his wand at me.' Draco still didn't give up on this discussion.
'You are right about that.. let's just try to think how the other person feels first before speaking, okay?'
The two men nodded.

They didn't offend each other anymore but it was hard to act like they liked each other. He also still didn't like the fact that George and Elara were sitting there together, he wasn't sure why but he just didn't like it.

'So, Elara.' Draco said after he drank the last bit of his butterbeer. 'Elara, that's not a name you hear often actually when you think about it.'
She chuckled. 'No it's not very common, I am named-'
'Named after the eight largest Moon of Jupiter. Which is named after one of Zeus's lovers and the mother of the giant Tityos.' Draco said.
Elara and George both looked at Draco, totally surprised.
'How in Merlin's name do you know that?' She asked.
'My whole family is named after stars and constellations.' Draco said with a smirk. He couldn't help but feel proud of it.

After a while George stood up. 'I'm really sorry but I have to go now. I really enjoyed hanging out with you.' He said and smiled at Elara.
'Me too, I hope to see you again soon.' Elara said and stood up. She hugged George and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. George smiled back. 'Please say hello to your mother from me.' Elara said.
'I will, of course.' He said as he put on his winter cloak and scarf. 'See you later.' George said. Just as Draco thought he would totally ignore him George gave a little nod at him before he left.

'Lovely chap, isn't it?' Elara said as she sat down again.
'Is there anything, uh, more between you two?' Draco couldn't help but ask, and as he did he was very much hoping she would say no.
'What? No, of course not! He's my client, but he's just a really nice guy and we like to hang out, nothing more.' She said.
'Alright, alright. Just asking.' He said and smirked. 'I believe you are blushing.'
'I am not!' She said and actually started blushing.
Draco laughed. 'Well you look cute.' The words were out before he knew it.
'Pardon?' She said and a smirk appeared on her face.
'What?' He said, he felt his cheeks getting warmer.
For Merlin's sake, pull yourself together Draco. You are not blushing and she is your therapist.
'Are you flirting with me?' Elara asked.
'No, no of course not!' Draco said quickly.
Elara just chuckled and Draco looked away awkwardly.

'Mother? Mother I'm home!' He said as he walked into the grant hall of Malfoy Manor. He didn't get a response so he walked into the drawing room. He found his mother sitting there on one of the emerald sofas.
'Oh there you are.' He said as he took off his cloak. A house elf appeared and eagerly took the coat from the young mister Malfoy, mumbled something, and disappeared with a pop again.
'Oh I'm sorry darling I didn't hear you, I must have dozed off. Did you have a good time?' Narcissa asked.
'Yes, yes I had actually.' He nodded and smiled a little at the end.
'I am glad,' his mother said. 'Come sit with me.'
Draco smiled and sat own next to his mother. 'Where's father?' He asked.
'He's at the ministry, I'm not completely sure what he's doing but it seemed urgent.' Narcissa replied and frowned.
'Right..' Draco said and nodded. 'Do you.. do you love him?' He asked abruptly.
Narcissa looked at her son is disbelief. 'Pardon?'
'Do you love him? Did you love him when you married him?'
'Of course, I love your father very much. I still do. Why are you asking me this?' Narcissa asked confused.
'I don't know.. sorry..' Draco said and looked down.
Narcissa sighed. 'Does this have anything to with you and Astoria?'
'We don't want to marry each other, mother!' He said and looked up at her, a desperate look in his eyes.
'But why not? You've known each other for so long, you seem to get along..'
'Well yes, she is a nice girl but.. I'm not in love with her..' He said.
'Maybe not now but I'm sure that later-'
'I don't want to wait for later, mother! I want to find someone who will fall in love with instantly and know that that will be the woman I want to share the rest of my life with!' He was starting to loose his temper and stood up. 'We don't want to be together!'
Narcissa looked a bit shocked at her son's sudden reaction. She wasn't sure what to say, and neither was Draco. He sat down again next to his mother with his head in his hands. Narcissa bit her lip and carefully placed an arm around her son. Draco was quietly sobbing into his hands. 'Why,' he said smothered. 'Why do you do this to me, if you love me you wouldn't do this.' He gave a loud sob.
His mother looked shocked. 'Darling, of course I love you. It hurts me so much to see you like this.' She said with tears in her eyes. 'I love you very, very much.' Draco was still sobbing loudly and uncontrollably. She pulled him into an embrace and he lay his head against her shoulder.

After a while Narcissa said softly 'Is there anyone else you want to marry?'
'No,' Draco said, he still was laying with his head against his mothers shoulder but he wasn't crying anymore. 'No of course not, no one loves me, how could I ever marry someone.'
'That's not true, I am sure you will meet someone some day that you will fall in love with and she will love you back for who you are. Someone who doesn't care about your past but only sees the young man you are now.' Narcissa said softly and she rubbed her son's back.
These words triggered his mind, someone had actually said this to him: Elara. The first time they met she had said she didn't care about who he was but about who he is now. He sat up again and ran a hand through his hair as he sighed deeply. His mind was racing. He started to think if he really liked Elara or that he only believed he liked her because she was the only one being nice to him.
'Why don't you get some rest, lay down for a bit and then I'll call you when dinner is ready.' Narcissa smiled and lay a hand on his leg.
Draco nodded and gave a weak smile.

One week later Draco made his way to St Mungo's again for another therapy session. He once again sat down in a chair opposite Elara and she gave it another try let him open up to her.
'Draco, you don't have to be scared. Just give it a try. Don't block your mind for me, please.. I want to help you. If you won't let me help you we have to end our sessions.' Elara said.
'It's just not that easy for me.' Draco said.
'I know, I completely understand that,' she said as she lay a comforting hand on his leg, 'but you have to trust me, just this once.' She said and looked into his eyes. He started back at her for a moment but then he awkwardly looked away.
'Alright.' He eventually said.
Elara pulled her hand back and raised her eyebrows. 'You want to give it another try?'
Draco nodded.
'I'm so proud of you.' Elara smiled. 'Okay, just relax.'
She stood up, concentrated on him and said 'Legilimens.'

Draco had this weird feeling, it was like he was dreaming but he was awake. He saw flashes of memories; Hogwarts, Dumbledore, Malfoy Manor, Voldemort, his Dark Mark. It stopped as abruptly as it started. He felt dizzy and as though he was going to be sick.
'Are you alright?' She asked as she saw his pale face. She quickly poured a glass of water and give it to him. Draco took it and drank some. 'Thanks.' He murmured. 'Did- did you see what I saw?'
Elara nodded. 'Yes, I did.' She took a deep breath, she knew this was going to be hard for him. 'I assume this was only a small part, and I can't even imagine what it must have been like for you.. to have Voldemort at your house, could you tell me something about that?' She was talking in a soft and suiting voice.
Draco just simply looked at her for a moment but then he began to speak, for the first time ever he spoke about what he had been through.
'It was horrifying.' He said quietly. 'My parents didn't want him their either, he knew that, but of course we didn't tell him.. we had meetings with all the Death Eaters at our dining room..' he was quiet for a moment, staring blankly in front of him. 'Every night-' he stopped to clear his throat and then continued. 'Every night I was scared he might just wander down our corridors.. come into my room, my parents room, whilst we were sleeping.. I thought he was going to kill us...' his voice faded away. He didn't want to look at her so he just looked down at his hands.
'I think that is enough for today. You have done great Draco, I am so proud of you.' Elara said and gave him an encouraging smile. 'And you can be proud of yourself too.' She laid her hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her. 'Thank you..' he said softly.
'Next time we could give it another try or you-'
'No!' Draco interrupted her. 'No, I'm not doing this again.' He said and stood up.
Elara looked puzzled. 'Sorry?'
'You maybe have seen a little bit of what I have been through but don't expect I'm just going to let you in on everything now! Who do you even think you are?' He blurred out aggressively.
'Draco, I am sorry if I somehow gave you the impression-'
'How do I even know you are not working for someone else? If my story is in the newspaper tomorrow I know who did it!'
'Draco! Stop it!' Elara now got mad at him. 'You are being unreasonable, calm down!'
'Oh shut up, I'm done!' He said and opened the door, walked out and shut the door behind him with a loud bang.
'Draco!' Elara yelled walking after him. 'Stop, come back!'
'No, I'm not coming back! I don't need your help anymore, I quit!' He said angrily and walked out, leaving Elara totally confused.

'He did what?!' Lucius Malfoy cried out.
'Darling please, don't go up to him now.' Narcissa said to her husband. Draco had come back home totally upset, his mother managed to comfort him and he told her what happened. Draco now was upstairs in his room, but he could still hear the furious voice of his father.
'Is he out of his mind? He is finally properly starting his therapy sessions but he just too scared to go on!'
'Yes he is scared, so we have to help him, we are his parents!' Narcissa said.
'Does he even know what this has costs us?' Lucius said, ignoring what his wife was saying.
'Oh don't even start about money, Lucius! Like we don't have enough!'
'Well less than before, and we are going to run out of it some day!' He said furiously.
'Don't be ridiculous! And even if we are, it's for our son's sake!'
Lucius just shook his head, signed and walked away.
'Don't you walk out on me now!' Narcissa yelled after him. 'You do this every time it starts to get serious. Do you even want to help him?'
'Of course I do! But you don't agree with my ideas of handling this so I don't see the point in carrying on this conversation.'
'Well no, I don't agree on you storming into his room and saying how disappointed you are in him, cause that won't help him!'
'Cissy, please, let's talk about this later, I've had a very long day at the Ministry and-'

Draco could hear his parents argue for a couple more minutes. He laid down on his bed and took a deep breath. Why did he do this? Was he really just too scared to go on? Too scared of what she would see? Scared if he could actually trust her? His mind was racing with thoughts. He didn't want any help, he wanted to be independent, but at the same time he felt like she was the only one he could talk to and that she was the only person who liked him. After a while he stood up, made himself a bath, took a bottle of Firewhiskey and plunged himself into the bathtub with it. He didn't know how much he had to drink, he didn't know how long he was in there, all he knew that that whiskey made him feel better, and all he wanted right now was to feel good.