I wake the morning after laying in bed. I don't even remember leaving the shower. I sit up only to lay back down at the wave of dizziness that overcomes me. I know I need to get up and go to work but my depression decided it was not gonna happen today. I reach for my phone that sits on the bedside table and call my boss. I close the phone after making a weak excuse that I was sick and wouldn't be able to come to work. I sit back sadly and close my eyes.
I wake quite a bit later I can see the sun is setting again. I force myself out of bed. As I walk to the stairs I know it will be difficult to go down them. I grip the banister till my knuckles are white. As I make my slow decent down the stairs I start to hear faint voices. I see that the light is on in the kitchen. I cant seem to recognize the voices. Most likely because of how foggy my head is. I finally reach the end of the stairs I take a quick breather before heading towards the kitchen. My hand continuing to run against any surface near by for balance. I reach the entrance to the kitchen and feel the pain in my chest grow.
My sister sookie is sitting at the table her back is to me. What caused the pain in my chest is the site of the two vampires that are standing close by. I wont say that I hate them. I just hate what they took from me. I was the one that was suppose to protect sookie but instead all I am to her is some weak human who is just there. Eric and bill took what I was suppose to do and threw me out like trash. I force myself to step into the kitchen and make myself known. It takes me a very minimal and blessed second to realize I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt so she wont see the scars. I am forced out of my thoughts by a hand slapping me.
I step back in shock only realizing with horror seconds later that sookie was the one that slapped me. After I compose myself I put my act stupid face on and pretend I don't understand anything. Sookie screams at me that I betrayed her and I lied to her. At this point I don't have to act stupid I really don't know what I did this time. Of course I don't get an explanation I just get slapped again and hateful glares from the two vamps that were watching the whole scene play out.
I try and ask sookie what I did but she just yells. I sit back and try and put up my walls so that she cant see how much her words are hurting me. The things she says are starting to put cracks in my wall. I collapse as she starts saying she hates me and that don't deserve to live and then lt hits me as she says " You have something missing and I'm not gonna watch as you ruin your life"
I feel that immediate crushing pain. I cant believe she said it. So many people have said it. That means it must be true. I fucking snap and I scream at her to get the fuck out of my house. When she doesn't move I snatch her by the arm and drag her to the door. I slam it open and literally throw her out. Her two vamp guys grab her before she hits the ground. I scream loudly that I know somethings missing and I don't need her to tell me. I slam the door with all my strength not even flinching at the crack that goes through the door. I lock the door and run to the bathroom. I slam open the medicine cabinet and grab the bottle of ibuprofen. I run back downstairs and grab a bottle of vodka from the fridge. I walk to the living room and sit on the couch. I set the bottle of pills on the table next to the vodka. I cant think I open the vodka and pills opening both. I take handful after handful with the vodka to wash it down. I stand and angrily pace around the table slamming my fist through the wall at random times.
After I start to feel the foggy feeling that the pills bring I sit on the couch and cry. I know that I fucked up and that I might actually die. All my rational thoughts are telling me to call an ambulance or puke the pills up but I don't listen. I lay down on the couch feeling the exhausting taking hold. I cry and cry but for some reason I don't want to sleep yet. I use the last of my strength to walk to the TV stand and grab the picture frame off of it. I walk back to the couch and stare at the picture. It off me and sookie when we were kids. Gran is I the picture to. Were standing outside in a big field. I wish I could go back to that. The time that I was happy and when me and sookie were not just brother and sister but friends. I want to go back before all this bull shit started. I lay my head against the pillow crying over the past and the future that I just gave up on. As I feel myself slipping into unconscious I whisper a silent goodbye to my sister wishing it didn't have to end like this.
I wake quite a bit later I can see the sun is setting again. I force myself out of bed. As I walk to the stairs I know it will be difficult to go down them. I grip the banister till my knuckles are white. As I make my slow decent down the stairs I start to hear faint voices. I see that the light is on in the kitchen. I cant seem to recognize the voices. Most likely because of how foggy my head is. I finally reach the end of the stairs I take a quick breather before heading towards the kitchen. My hand continuing to run against any surface near by for balance. I reach the entrance to the kitchen and feel the pain in my chest grow.
My sister sookie is sitting at the table her back is to me. What caused the pain in my chest is the site of the two vampires that are standing close by. I wont say that I hate them. I just hate what they took from me. I was the one that was suppose to protect sookie but instead all I am to her is some weak human who is just there. Eric and bill took what I was suppose to do and threw me out like trash. I force myself to step into the kitchen and make myself known. It takes me a very minimal and blessed second to realize I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt so she wont see the scars. I am forced out of my thoughts by a hand slapping me.
I step back in shock only realizing with horror seconds later that sookie was the one that slapped me. After I compose myself I put my act stupid face on and pretend I don't understand anything. Sookie screams at me that I betrayed her and I lied to her. At this point I don't have to act stupid I really don't know what I did this time. Of course I don't get an explanation I just get slapped again and hateful glares from the two vamps that were watching the whole scene play out.
I try and ask sookie what I did but she just yells. I sit back and try and put up my walls so that she cant see how much her words are hurting me. The things she says are starting to put cracks in my wall. I collapse as she starts saying she hates me and that don't deserve to live and then lt hits me as she says " You have something missing and I'm not gonna watch as you ruin your life"
I feel that immediate crushing pain. I cant believe she said it. So many people have said it. That means it must be true. I fucking snap and I scream at her to get the fuck out of my house. When she doesn't move I snatch her by the arm and drag her to the door. I slam it open and literally throw her out. Her two vamp guys grab her before she hits the ground. I scream loudly that I know somethings missing and I don't need her to tell me. I slam the door with all my strength not even flinching at the crack that goes through the door. I lock the door and run to the bathroom. I slam open the medicine cabinet and grab the bottle of ibuprofen. I run back downstairs and grab a bottle of vodka from the fridge. I walk to the living room and sit on the couch. I set the bottle of pills on the table next to the vodka. I cant think I open the vodka and pills opening both. I take handful after handful with the vodka to wash it down. I stand and angrily pace around the table slamming my fist through the wall at random times.
After I start to feel the foggy feeling that the pills bring I sit on the couch and cry. I know that I fucked up and that I might actually die. All my rational thoughts are telling me to call an ambulance or puke the pills up but I don't listen. I lay down on the couch feeling the exhausting taking hold. I cry and cry but for some reason I don't want to sleep yet. I use the last of my strength to walk to the TV stand and grab the picture frame off of it. I walk back to the couch and stare at the picture. It off me and sookie when we were kids. Gran is I the picture to. Were standing outside in a big field. I wish I could go back to that. The time that I was happy and when me and sookie were not just brother and sister but friends. I want to go back before all this bull shit started. I lay my head against the pillow crying over the past and the future that I just gave up on. As I feel myself slipping into unconscious I whisper a silent goodbye to my sister wishing it didn't have to end like this.