19. En Masse

Darker and darker became the world as she sank, a stone bounding downwards to the bottom of the sea. Peridot probably could have tried to swim to the surface, or propel herself off the substratum of the sea floor when she reached it, but she didn't bother. The way Lapis had shouted, the heartbreak this was causing her, she should have been more sensitive, should have asked if she was okay…

I won't give up on Steven, and I won't give up on you either, Lapis. If you ever change your mind, I'll be here, waiting.

The green gem closed her eyes and felt the weightlessness of her body as she went further and further down, thinking to herself. Her plan hadn't worked, she hadn't thought things through enough, but she would have to go up eventually. But for this moment, she was content to close her eyes as the water swirled around, letting herself be pulled by the current.

Isn't that something? Amethyst had said this all started because something had gone wrong at the bottom of the ocean, the corrupted gem that had separated Sapphire and Ruby… Now, here I am, down in the ambivalence of the sea, isolated from the others. I had a mission, and I failed.

Above the surface, Lapis had covered her mouth with her hands, salty tears staining her cheeks. She felt horrible, so guilty, not meaning to hurt anyone. But now she had hurt everyone, hadn't she? From stealing the ocean to what she did to Jasper to letting this happen to Steven… and now she had buried her friend, perhaps her only one left in the universe, underwater.

Lapis knew that one of her biggest problems was that, ironically, she could never face her problems. Part of her wanted to fly under the water and scoop up Peridot in her arms, apologize for what she's done, explain all of her hurt and why this wasn't the green gems fault, but a much louder voice in her mind told her to leave while she could, not wanting to put anyone else in harm's way, to run as fast as she could. That's all she could ever do – run.

Her water wings expanded on impulse, and she was lifted into the sky, farther and farther as she looked down at the world below. This would be the last image she would have of Earth, the waves shifting restlessly as they consumed another piece of her identity; it made it worse that it was beautiful. Soft blues, sparkling with glimmers of white and green as the algae played tricks on the eye, with the foamy whites of water yielding to water, a complex relationship that bonds the sea together but throws it endlessly against itself. The way the gray rocks jutted from the sea unexpectedly, keeping you guessing, and the occasional flash of pink that didn't – wait.

The ocean gems final rumination was interrupted when a painful explosion of force collided with her left arm, pushing her against the breeze. To her surprise, Pearl had leapt into the air and launched a laser from the tip of her spear. Cursing under her breath, her other hand shot up to nurse her burnt arm. As always, Lapis felt her flight or fight reflexes kick in – and she always chose flight.

Turning away, Lapis quickly flapped higher into the sky, the sun her zenith as she moved herself further from the surface, only for a spear to zoom past her. She really, really didn't want to fight anymore, wanted to abandon this mess once and for all. Given all of the trouble she's caused, the last thing she expected was for Pearl of all people to be fighting for her to stay, but another laser flew past her, and another, Lapis trying to swerve as she kept moving upwards, but the next found its mark on her right leg. Again, the blue gem faltered in her flight, her leg stinging painfully as the burn settled in. As the barrage continued, Lapis narrowly missing another that flew past her fact, tuning into Pearl's venomous shouts.

"You can't leave!" Accordingly, Pearl readied another spear in warning, the agile swordsman balanced effortlessly on the lion's back. The creature had become perfectly, ready to act as Pearl's buoy over the ocean so she could execute another move, if necessary.

"Steven needs you to see this!" Propelling her weight off of Lion's back, Pearl flew towards in the air, her eyes and face revealing the hurt and ferocity that had been her mask for the past 12 days. Lapis couldn't help but tense when Pearl said his name, feeling anger bubble within her. How could they stoop so low, to leverage his pain against me, to keep me here…

Her fury unbridled, Lapis snatched Pearl out of the air in a fierce aquatic grip, the sea below an extension of her ire. Pearl struggled in the hold, muttering to herself things Lapis could not hear, and the blue gem began to crush the white one in her hand. As rapidly as the pressure increased, Lapis was disturbed when Pearl, a usually dignified fighter, had begun to cry, but it was obvious that it was not from the attack. The ragged sound that caught in her throat, the way her eyes narrowed in shame, the way her body went limp under the hand… this pain was internal, Lapis knew. She had seen it many times before.

Realizing that she had done just what she tried to avoid, Lapis relaxed the hand and felt a fresh wave of guilt crash over her. All I ever do is hurt.

"Just… leave me alone! Steven's dead, dead! I- I can't do this anymore!" Lapis howled at Pearl, surprised to find that she, too, had begun to cry. Maddened by their sense of loss, both gems were struggling through intense, though deeply different, kinds of guilt.

"He's not dead! He – he can't be. He's out there somewhere! He was so – so desperate, you have no idea, but he made me swear I would show you what he said. He wanted this! Just let me do this for him!" The phrase gave them both pause for a moment, remembering how they had each shouted such similar words at him in very different contexts, desperate to protect him from the dangers of the universe. Now, they were fighting each other, having failed at the one thing they had in common.

Lapis studied her distrustfully, her muscles screaming at her to fly away, forget this place. She couldn't keep doing this, couldn't keep remembering Malachite, and now 'Opalite', the urge in her body to extend phantom limbs and to blink eyes she no longer had, the pained expression on Steven's face when Pearl did not recognize the damage that had been done to him.

"Please… just, listen to what he says about you. Peridot, she…" Pearl glanced down to the crashing waves that carved blue hills and frothy valleys below, very aware that the gem in question had not resurfaced.

"She was certain it was important. That's the only reason I came. You can leave if you want, but… he needed you to hear this first. Please, it's… Steven, he…" The veil of confidence that the infamous renegade had presented for the sake of fulfilling this request cracked along with her voice, choking on his name, her grief raw and uninhibited. Pearl needed this to be important, it was her final chance, her last hope to do something right by him.

Lapis involuntarily rubbed the burn on her left arm, looking and feeling defeated. She turned her head away, eyes squeezed shut as if she had just been thrown into a bright light. "I- I can't help you. Nothing he could say would make this right. Have you really not figured it out, what they did to him?" The regret in her voice wasn't intentional, but she couldn't help it. Being alone with her thoughts had been one thing, but trying to vocalize those feelings posed a different kind of challenge.

Lapis was absently aware that she had brought them closer to the water, her grip slackened somewhat as she held Pearl above the surface. The held gem could likely break away if she tried, but the both had dropped their guises of hostility. All the while, Lapis could hear Jasper in her brain, telling her how foolish it was to misuse this opportunity to get her revenge, to squander her power… Why was she coming back down, why didn't she just fly away now? She's already said goodbye to anyone who matters, it's time just to go…

As if on cue, they both gasp when an unexpected presence exploded from the ocean.

Peridot had come up – not for air, since she had no need for it – but press on. She had taken a brief time to try to ignore the hurt in her heart, to remind herself that she needed to put the pain to the side, to fuel herself, not weigh herself down. Steven needed them, all of them, and she had done her best to bring Lapis back to the team. She couldn't force her, would never want that, so she could only move forward. So, when she broke through the surface, her eyes began squinting around for Pearl.

That clod wouldn't leave without me, right? That would be quite irritating. She saw them a moment later, two sets of eyes staring down at her as Lapis hovered gracefully above the ocean with Pearl restrained in a watery grasp. Lion was nowhere to be seen, and the two above her looked equally disheveled.

Shocked, but unwilling to let this chance slip through her fingers again, Peridot sprang into action, her voice desperate as she shouted into the sky above. "Lapis, wait! Don't go – not yet! Please, let Pearl finish! Please, Lapis!" her voice sounded odd, like she had recorded and re-recorded a message several times and maximized the volume on her tablet. It took her a moment to correlate the grittiness in her speech with the salty wetness that streamed down her face, realizing that the sensation was not entirely a product of the sea dripping off her form.

This was too much. The pleading of Pearl, desperate and (despite all Lapis disliked about her) the loving way she spoke about Steven, and now Peridot crying, begging her to wait. She couldn't win; if she stayed, she would continue to hurt them all, and if she left, she would at the very least crush the two of them (if for different reasons). Body shaking, Lapis hesitantly smoothed out the surface of the ocean once again, bringing them all to equal footing.

Peridot wanted to approach this carefully, having rushed her first attempt. There was something amazing about her fortune on Earth, always getting a second chance – she had learned the first time, the hard way, not to blow it. A vague image of Steven floated in her mind, how hurt he had been when she called Yellow Diamond, only for things to quickly spin out of control…

You… You clod!

Smirking despite herself, horrified and proud to this day of her actions, Peridot walked towards Lapis steadily, stifling her tears and her fears. She did not make to have Pearl start the dream again, not yet. Lapis needed to hear this, first, she realized that now. Lapis had turned her leg around, glancing at the mark Pearl's burn had left, trying not to meet the green gem's eyes, obviously uneasy to be back on 'solid' ground (although this was not what she would classify as conventionally solid)

Don't mess this up, focus Peridot…

She was standing in front of Lapis now, noting that Pearl had turned her back at them and was watching the sky. It was so sunny here – the light danced on the water, a ballet of empty skies and endless blues.

Looking up, cheeks deep green, Peridot began to speak, a bit faster than normal, but her voice was resolute. "Lapis Lazuli. When we first crossed paths, I had limb enhancers. I didn't have to look up at you, like this; in fact, I looked down on you. It was… I was bad," Peridot looked down at her hands, her real fingers flexing at the memory. In response, Lapis looked back and forth between Pearl and Peridot, obviously confused, expecting the projection to resume so they could move past this. What was Peridot getting at?

"It had been so hard for me to readjust. I felt like my body was my own, but unfamiliar at the same time. Those appendages… they were a part of me, and without them all I was reminded of is my inadequacy. My lack." She raised her head to look at Lapis again, her eyes shining with feeling.

"And then, the longer I was here on Earth, I continued to learn things about myself. Some good, some bad… sometimes, I wish it could all go back to normal, back to a time when my life still had order. I felt safe, things were predictable. But now, my life is a mess. You've seen it firsthand. But this mess is my life now, and it could be our life, if you let it." Peridot rubbed a small green hand against her face, trying to mask her embarrassment.

"It took me losing a part of myself – literally, my own arms and legs – to realize how my old identity had become a prison. I thought I could be nothing but Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG, powerless without limbs that never really belonged to me. But now I can be Peri, or Peridot, or whoever I want to be. I never would have learned I had metal powers if I had stayed on the singular path Homeworld had carved out for me."

She let out a heavy sigh, her face focused and thoughtful. "And then, I remember the day Steven showed up with you at the barn. I remember it so clearly. All of those feelings from before, the way I had treated you, how uncaring I had been… I hated myself for it. I panicked when you showed up, tried to put on a brave face, my old life catching up with the new. And still, after everything, you gave me a chance. I – I couldn't believe it. Steven… he gave me another chance at life, but you gave that life value. Here, on Earth." She looked up towards the sun, smiling sadly at the atmosphere above. After a pause, she returned her gaze to Lapis. The strange expression of the blue gem did not register for Peridot, too wound up in her own stress to notice.

"There had been no reason for you to forgive me – indeed, it was totally irrational for you to do so. But you did anyways, and it made me realize that the only life worth living is one where forgiveness is possible. With forgiveness, life doesn't have to be so lonely; I don't – we don't – time doesn't exist on a linear path forward anymore. Here, we can go back and fix the mistakes we make along the way. You freed me from the guilt of what I had done, who I had been, and you didn't have to. You didn't just forgive me, Lapis, but you helped me to forgive myself.

"If I kept being… the way I was, with an orderly, single-minded existence, there was nothing for me but whatever came next, next, next. I wasn't able to stop, to appreciate how it could feel to just be. I could never have understood the magnitude of what Steven did for me until I understood what you had done for me. You're… always so hard on yourself, I just want you to realize how important you are. To me. Because of you, I don't have to measure my life anymore by time, but by worth. I… I owe you so much, Lapis. I was bad, and you were good. Now we can be good, too. Please, let me return the favor – let me help you forgive yourself."

Peridot extended a hand to her, palm facing up, a single tear betraying her otherwise impressive resolve as it streaked down her face. The water at their feet absorbed the show of emotion, and for a long while they stood there with no sound but the calming pattern of wave meeting wave, a hushed audience patiently waiting for Lapis to answer.

Whatever happened, Peridot had made up her mind: if Lapis still wanted to leave, she would respectfully accept her goodbye and return to the barn. From the start, Peridot had never wanted Lapis to feel like she had to do anything. But, if she did want to stay, the green gem promised she wouldn't let Lapis carry her pain alone anymore. They would face Steven's message, Lapis' past, and whatever else might happen… together.

The universe is a cold, unfeeling place. It doesn't care for humans, or gems, or anything. It just is, was, and will be. And now, somewhere in that expansive, limitless void of space, was Peridot and Lapis Lazuli. Their moment was inconsequential on the scale of all corporeal reality, but right now, it meant everything to them. Lapis had dropped to her knees when Peridot had finished speaking, rejecting her hand, grasping her whole tiny body in a hug instead. Her fingers were softly holding her head from behind, sinking into her hair. Lapis was holding her tightly, not wanting to ever let go. Whatever fibers of her mind that had been left behind by Malachite did not flicker painfully at this moment, a usual reminder of the damage she had done and how alone she felt. Instead, for the first time in so long, Lapis felt her heart surface from its crypt beneath the water. How could she have ever tried to leave? How could she have ever been so blind to the way Peridot felt? How could she have been so blind to how she felt?

Peridot was utterly stunned, the fear and nerves that had carried her this far finally releasing her from their grasp. Seamlessly, she went from the grips of anxiety to the arms of Lapis. Carefully, she wrapped her own arms around her, tears escaping them both as the embraced for a long moment. Indeed, Peridot was right – right now, time might not as well have existed, because it didn't matter how long they held each other. This was a feeling, and it couldn't be measured.

/

The rain was falling in earnest now. Amethyst had been prepared to scream when Sapphire had tried to defend her, but her voice caught when the blue gem had turned to face her. She had been crying, hard, racking sobs, and separated her bangs to look down at Amethyst in the mud. Amethyst had never seen her quite like this – they were all sad, but this was unprecedented. Ruby could not see her, the usually lovely gem turned away from her, and she was too angry to pick up on Sapphire's feelings, so only Amethyst could see the pain painted across her face.

"Please, don't fight. Please Amethyst, I'm sorry. I should have told you, you're right, this is my fault…" She had sunk to her knees, the two small gems coming level on the ground, heartbreak shattering her composure.

"I'm so- sorry. I just wanted to protect you. To protect everyone. But he, Steven, I can't…" her face fell into her hands, Ruby now catching up with them and placing a hand on her partner's shoulder. Sapphire flinched away from her grasp, inconsolable, the storm laying waste to the peaceful countryside. Around them, spare parts, grass, branches and anything else imaginable had begun to fly through the air, the deluge unconcerned by the affairs of gems and humans alike.

"What – what is it? What changed?" Amethyst was fearing the worst, Steven's voice still fresh in her mind.

I don't think I'll get this chance again.

Dematerializing her whip, Ruby followed suit with her gauntlet, both feeling the shame wash over them with each drop of rain against their skin.

In a split second, the world flashed to light as lightning illuminated the grassy plains, and Sapphire screamed. "I can't do this anymore! These visions… He's never coming back. I can't – I can't."

Mortified, Ruby settled on the ground next to her, not touching her for risk of her lashing out again.

If only we were Garnet, she wouldn't have to tell me what's wrong, she could show me. It's not right, she shouldn't go through this alone…

"I should – should have been honest from the start. Maybe we could have stopped it. It's over."

Sapphire choked out another sob, her misery overwhelming.

Amethyst could tell she should stop demanding answers from Sapphire, but all of this was hurting her, too. These cryptic messages, these flashes of truth and then nothing, it was driving her crazy. Now, she was crying too, crawling towards Sapphire, stopping on her knees in front of her.

"He's… you can't mean, he's going to… die?" The word tasted like poison on her lips, causing her to bite down the moment she spoke them. It couldn't be true. It can't be true.

Ruby felt helpless as she watched the others, not accepting the words, flicking between anger and fear and despair. Then, the fields lit up again as another burst of light illuminated the sky, and Ruby watched the light leave her vision as she searched the storm for the bolt. It left a strange shadow outlined against the darkness, like it was there even though it wasn't, eyes unable to process the flux between dark and light. The image made her heart ache anew, selfishly, wanting to be Garnet, to be helpful, to be important, to comfort Sapphire – she could feel the etching of their fusion in her mind's eye, but it was only a trick, an unobtainable illusion.

If she was ever going to reach Sapphire at this cross in the void, she would need more than a shadow of understanding. She needed the truth – everything.

Quietly, so quietly they almost missed it, Ruby spoke into the pouring rain. "What did you tell Lapis and Connie?"

Sapphire was still crying, her grief unbridled, but rain became hail as it pounded down around them, so Ruby knew she must have heard her. Amethyst had buried her own face in her hands, hardly paying the other two any mind.

True to her character, Ruby repeated herself with only a twinge of anger. "What did you tell Lapis and Connie, Sapphire?" She stood up and turned to face the blue gem, her hands shaking.

That had gotten Amethyst's attention, rarely having ever seen Ruby get mad at Sapphire like this.

"I – it's too late, it doesn't matter…" Sapphire had stuttered out, unconvincingly. If there was someone she couldn't close up to, it was Ruby. They had shared the same mind for literally thousands of years.

"Tell me, Sapphire. Now." Amethyst eyed them both nervously, uncomfortable with the prospect of the two driving a wedge further between them. The purple gem fell back onto her backside into the mud and scooted away from them ever so slightly.

Sapphire resolved to hanging her head, her hands covering her eye. "I can't. Ruby, if I do, it'll be over."

"What would be over, Sapphire?"

"…Us, Ruby."

That had taken them both by surprise. Not only did Sapphire provide them a direct answer, but could what she say really be so devastating that they would lose Garnet forever? They would lose each other forever?

How could she possibly put me in this position? Stay ignorant forever, aimlessly hoping that one day they'll be stable enough to be Garnet again, at the expense of something critical about Steven? What if it could mean his life? What did she mean it was 'too late'?

"You… we… fine." Ruby was shaking horribly now, her own tears joining the storm that raged around them.

"This is about Steven. This isn't about me, or you, or us. If there's even a chance that it could help save him, then I want to know. I have to know."

Sapphire looked up from her hands now, crushed and disappointed by her own ego. There was no future where their relationship would survive this, but, fine then, if that is what she wants. Sapphire already knew how the conversation would go, so she stood up and faced her, a force of nature mightier than any tempest dividing them: love, undermined by a misguided urge to protect, out of sync. The pair looked into each other's eyes, bracing for the end of the thousands of years that bound them.

Amethyst, meanwhile, was feeling extremely awkward. It felt like all she could do anymore was impose on people's intimate moments. She backed away a bit more, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from them. Ruby had convinced Sapphire to tell them what happened, why they had been kept in the dark, and she couldn't pass up this chance.

The countryside was being blown apart by the gale-force winds, whipping around red and blue and purple in a dizzying display of colors. Had the three of them all not been so emotional, they would have worried after Connie's safety in the barn, the storm feeling like a hurricane passing through their sanctuary away from humanity.

Sapphire was shouting now, over the storm or through her own madness she couldn't be sure.

"They fused with him – they forced him to fuse! Do you understand, now, Ruby?"

The red gem would realize post factum that it was this moment, the involuntary way she covered her mouth, the way her eyes grew wide, the branch that would smash into her would be responsible for carrying away her distinguishing red headband. But right now, she didn't notice any of those things – she couldn't care enough to mind the world falling apart around her. That's what this was, wasn't it? The only reason she had lived was because Sapphire had propelled her off the sky arena, because she found love, because Rose Quartz had spared them, because they promised to protect the Earth, because they promised to protect Steven. What retrograde of reality was she spinning in that pushed her beyond the rain, beyond the sky, back through her own life to a place beyond time, beyond feeling?

There was nothing, nothing more precious to the bodies, mind, and essence of a gem than fusion. To intimately, completely and totally give yourself to another person… How could she even conjecture that sort of feeling? There was a reason Garnet was her favorite part of herself – it brought out every little fragment of her entirety that she loved and offered it to Sapphire, the first person to treat her as more than just a Ruby guard, the one person she trusted more than anyone in the world. She felt like gravity had become broken, rain coming up and sideways, wanting to sink to her knees in the mud but the weight of her body would not drop her.

Amethyst, for her part, was horrified, but it was nothing like Ruby felt. This was personal in a different way, and suddenly she sympathized with Connie more than she had expected. Smokey Quartz had been an accident the first time and they weren't the most stable fusion like Stevonnie, but it had been something special that she shared with Steven – the first full gem to fuse with him, to create a new weapon, to overcome boundaries together in a special kind of way. To her, Steven was a better fusion partner than either Garnet or even Pearl in some ways – not because Sugilite wasn't special to her or she that she did not care for Opal's bounding grace – but because to her, to Smokey, they felt like equals.

Us worst Gems stick together, right?

That's why we're the best.

Though she felt like she should be unraveling, screaming and tearing at her own hair, she couldn't commit to any one feeling, any one course of action, the thunder and lightning acting upon her pain on her behalf. The world around her was so full of energy, the elusive atmosphere of Earth collapsing in on itself, relieving the pressure mounting in the sky above. Amethyst felt no relief, however, but the storm raged on.

Sapphire watched the horror and pain break over their faces, all while the very bonds that tied her to reality had broken, leaving her stranded on an abstract island of awareness that shoved her violently away from the ones she cared about. Words were not sufficient to explain the duality of her hopelessness and hopefulness – knowing what was going to happen yet, but desperate to carve out something more, damning the odds. A comet, usually bright and dazzling, she had lost the tail that marked her trajectory and illuminated her past and her future. Now she was resigned to hurl aimlessly on a path around the universe that was befitting her failures – alone, quiet, without purpose.

Desperate to get away from it all, the blue gem turned and ran into the hills, walking the unyielding path of fate: she would run, and Ruby would not follow. They would see each other again in a few days, but they would never come back from this. It was so clear, so obvious, but Ruby forced the knowledge out of her. She had never wanted this, but Amethyst had been right, if she had wanted to change something, she should have acted, spoke up, had the agency to reject the future. Her complacency was her own undoing, so she couldn't even pity herself.

The winds were stronger when Sapphhire had almost made it to the warp pad, their force rising as she moved out of the valley that surrounded the barn. She wouldn't have even bothered to notice if the rain had not felt like sheets of ice digging into her skin, prodding and stinging her.

I deserve this. This, all of this, it was my fault…

Staggering, Sapphire was almost there, prepared to fling herself away, to nowhere in particular, her heart heavy and feet failing.

How could I have been so stupid, so selfish… Ruby, Steven…

A final breath to steady herself, Sapphire felt the final drops of rain that marked the ending of the best part of her life – but, wait, rain? It had been hail and sleet but a moment ago…

She gasped when she was spun around, seized by Ruby tightly, warmth spreading over and through her small frame.

"But, Ruby, what…?"

The red gem's voice was all fire. "I changed the future for you once, Sapphire. Did you really think I wouldn't do it again?"

She squeezed her tightly, Sapphire melting into her grip, completely overcome with a million new visions that all totally escaped her right now. This moment was theirs, the present more precious to her than anything she could have imagined.

"I, but, he… we, Ruby, we can't…There's more, I didn't tell you, I couldn't…" The blue gem withdrew partially from her hold, enough to look her eye to eyes. That poofy, tousled hair, those eyes filled with love and sadness, her arms, warm and safe... Sapphire wanted to resist her, to tell her that they couldn't fight fate, but her words died in her throat when Ruby spoke, her voice smoldering.

"Shh, it's okay. Do you trust me?" Sapphire blushed as Ruby suddenly moved a hand to her waist, the other finding her thin blue fingers, intertwining them with her own red ones. A perfect fit.

Sapphire need not answer her, her eye closed but her face smiling for what felt like the first time in ages. The comfortable familiarity of their togetherness, for this moment, was enough. On Earth, all storms pass. Twirling, sparkling and giggling for the first time in so long, they no longer needed to fear what was ahead. They could face it, Homeworld, the hard truths, anything, if they were together – Garnet would make sure of that.

/

Sometimes, you win, and sometimes, you lose. But what about the times when you aren't even a part of the game, the ending came before the first page, and the final bow closed the show before it had even begun? Was that really losing, or even winning? To Connie, it felt like nothing.

Not that the human was feeling nothing – quite the opposite – but that everything she had worked so hard for had become null. An absence, a lack, a void. This ambiguity must be the closest humanity will ever achieve to dividing by zero; taking nothing and splitting it into winning and losing, the containers rejecting the forms. An odd visual played through her mind as she thought more about it, like a drinking glass was being poured into a cylinder of water. It was backwards and wrong, impossible in this three-dimensional existence.

In the spirit of water, the girl returned her focus to the pouring rain that pitter-pattered around her, leaking through the roof in a few less secure places around the barn. She had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Universe, whose worried voice contrasted sharply with her hollow one, and agreed that when the storm passed he would come pick her up. There was nothing left for her at the barn, in Beach City, and in many ways, on Earth. The thing she wanted most was far above her, so far it was beyond comprehension, a star that would burn out before its light would ever reach her.

The day had only just started when Connie returned to her sleeping bag. At first, she hadn't been sure what to do – she punched a few things, her chest heaving and eyes streaming angry tears. Then, she changed into her training gear, wanting to take her emotion out with a sword rather than blindly destroying things. After changing, she made for her bag to retrieve Rose's sword, to feel like she had a purpose, that she could do something meaningful despite how hopeless everything appeared. Connie's hands resurfaced instead with his cheeseburger backpack, the odd stiffness of the material forced into different shapes and colors and textures to accommodate the novelty. Gently, she picked it up so as not to disfigure it further, inspecting the parts that remained: a single worn strap that was dirty, but otherwise unmarred; most of both buns were torn unnaturally apart, almost like an accordion, but intact; the shredded pouches of the internal condiments, none of them coming away unharmed. Connie released a sigh when she held it to her chest, hugging the last physical piece of him she had on this earth.

What am I doing… This is pointless, stupid. He begged us not to come, for me to keep on with the gems on missions, but not on any kind of mission to save him. He… told me to let him go.

Hands shaking, the girl's earlier ferocity evaporated, replaced by aimless sadness. She made a decision, no matter how much it laid waste to her heart and balled up the colorful oddity in her hands. After digging out the tattered piece of his pink shirt, too, she squeezed them into as tight a ball of fabric as she could, wretched open one of the barn doors, and flung it outside as hard as she could. It had been raining hard, and her feet became wet, but she didn't care. She watched as it immediately became soaked, only for it to be carried away by the wind a moment later.

That was before, and now, she was in the sleeping back again, donning her training uniform, her eyes closed and trying to force sleep. Her night hadn't been particularly restful so it wasn't a challenge for her to become drowsy, but it was crossing the threshold into unconsciousness that irked her. The painful beating of her heart, the self-doubt, the tears that would involuntarily spring to her eyes in anger and grief were as erratic as the claps of thunder from beyond the shelter of her enclave.

Despite her initial difficulty, the girl must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing she knew, a colorful figure was kneeling above her, rousing her gently from sleep.

Connie's eyes blinked slowly into awareness. "Wah… Pearl?" But it was not Pearl, as her eyes adjusted she realized the figure was purple and larger than the swordmaster.

"Garnet?" At this, Connie flew up to a sitting position, which she immediately regretted. The sudden brightness, change in posture and lack of food made her head dizzy and she painfully grabbed the side of her head. How long had she been asleep?

"What, how…?" The rest of her sentence was lost as the slowing drips of rain composed an orchestra of peace, if just for a moment. Garnet, who had been gone for as long as Steven, was here, in front of her, visor on and every confidence returned to her. She had grasped Connie gently to stop her from speaking, and now the two were hugging in a comforting, knowing embrace.

"I'm sorry, Connie. You have been so brave."

The girl had no words, so utterly confused and overwhelmed by the fusion's appearance and her own aching head. Steven being gone had consumed her heart so totally that she hadn't even room to process how Garnet's absence compounded the disunity that had become the Crystal Gems. The spirit of the group had been stolen and their leader divided, but the pain of the soul had hurt more than the pain of the body, so Connie had not given it proper notice. But now, it was like a wound that had been festering finally scabbed over, a small beam of light in their ever-present darkness.

He was still gone, though, as nice as this moment was. Connie drew herself back and looked at Garnet, her eyes hidden behind her visor and her expression revealing nothing.

"It's so… I'm happy you're back. But he's gone, Garnet, you heard him as clearly as I did."

At first Garnet said nothing but studied the human girl that held her at arm's length, her eyes full of feeling but devoid of the sparkle that made her and Steven both so human. Connie's brows had furled while she tried to gaze at the ground, not wanting to lose her composure in front of her.

"He doesn't have to be." The voice came from their right, startling her. Connie thought she and Garnet had been alone, but she couldn't have been more wrong. Amethyst leaned casually on a pile of junk, Peridot standing proudly by her side. Lapis stood beside the green gem, her body language reserved, eyeing Lion suspiciously as he sniffed one of her morps. And then there was Pearl, the one who had spoken, standing a few feet from them, closer to Connie and Garnet. It felt like Connie had fallen through time, Pearl's poise exact and her hands folded neatly in front of her, the way they would begin every training on Saturday morning.

"I, but… he…" Unable to help herself, tears streaked down Connie's cheeks, feeling ashamed at her own inability to handle her emotions.

"We all know, Connie. About… Opalite." It was Pearl again, who couldn't hide the bitterness in her voice when she said the name, but they had come past that now. Garnet's return had endowed them with unsuspecting life again, kick starting their broken hearts into beating again.

Connie looked at them all wide-eyed. Many of them shifted uncomfortably, and Lapis had clenched her eyes shut at the name, but no one made to flee this time. No one raised a weapon, a fist, or even their voice. The few drops of rain above them were the only sound for a short time as Connie gazed at them all, unable to believe what was happening.

Garnet, who still had a gentle hold on her shoulders, released her fully and she leaned back into a sitting position, still half-contained in her sleeping bag. Connie's wondered if this was some dream, a projection of her consciousness like the one Pearl had shown them, teasing her with purpose only to have it swept out from under her. How had they all come to accept it so quickly? Had something else changed in the future? Was there… could there still be a chance?

Since nobody moved, Pearl slowly made to approach the human girl, kneeling to be at her level. Pearl set her face to a serious expression, looking at her student's fearful, questioning eyes. She adopted the tone she usually reserved for training. "Connie. There is much we still don't know. We," she gestured at the others behind her, excluding Garnet who had stepped in the opposite direction.

"We still don't know everything that happened. Garnet will tell us, and we will overcome it if we stick together this time. I… I couldn't believe it when I learned about what happened to him – to Steven." She made herself say his name, gritting her teeth no matter how much it hurt her.

"My heart breaks just thinking about what else might have happened. I saw it in his eyes last night, Connie, the pain. The emptiness. I never want to see that again, not in him, and especially not in you, here, on Earth. The sort of… hurt he has gone through, he's going to need all of us to help him. Not just to save him, but to make him feel okay again." Pearl's voice had become shaky towards the end, but her eyes had regained that familiar spark – that distinctive flicker that Connie recognized, clear as if she spoke the words: I can do this. I can make a difference.

"He's going to need me, and Garnet, and you, Connie. He might need you most of all. If you…" Pearl hesitated as she glanced at Garnet, who gave a single nod.

"If you still want to Greg to come pick you up, I won't try to stop you. But I promise, when we bring him back, I will let you know. You can come and see him if you want, or not, but I promise to let you – "

Pearl stopped her speech when Connie had started crying in earnest, perturbed by her reaction. She had not wanted this – she wanted to see the life return to her student, to help her defy the odds just like she had done thousands of years ago, to skip the track of fate for the sake of her cause, but now she was just making this human girl cry.

"Wha – Connie, don't cry, I'm sorry. We'll have Greg take you…" and then she trailed off again as she realized Connie was not just crying anymore, but laughing, too. Laughing and smiling and sobbing, a mirror image of herself when she grasped Steven in her dream and they had twirled. What was going on?

"Don't… be silly, Pea – ma'am. I'm coming with you." She laughed and wiped away a tear, looking at her teacher whose face had softened. The two beamed at each other, and Pearl hesitantly extended her arms outwards for a hug. The human gratefully accepted, holding her teacher close, the two so happy and sad and relieved and a million other things all at once.

Pearl whispered something through her own tears, holding Connie's head as she had tried to hold Steven's. "I am so, so proud of you. I could not have asked for a better student – but in so many ways, you were the one to teach me, Connie."

A few more moments passed like this, and then Garnet had appeared next to them again. They moved to untangle from the hug, but Garnet wrapped her longer arms around both of them and squeezed. Then there was Amethyst, and Peridot, even Lapis came forward as the group came together for the first time, the first real time, since Steven had gone. Cold arms and warm ones, laughter and tears, a chide from Pearl directed at Amethyst, Garnet smirking mysteriously, Peridot holding Lapis' hand… it all felt right. Together, almost whole for the first time.

And just like that, a silent contract was signed, wordless yet binding, an agreement of what was worth fighting for. They were going to space, and they were going to get him back.