Damn, long chapter :/

Things get... ugly in this chapter u.u

FOURTY-ONE

-"Slept well?"- Marco asked me when I mounted his mom's car.

-"Yup, like a rock."- I said, not lying.

-"That's great."- He smiled and I felt the urge to give him a morning kiss, but in front of his mom was kinda... inappropriate.

When we reached school however, I took him away from malicious crowds and kissed him. It was passionate, with a normal pace and it took longer that I though. Our tongues danced in synch and we bit each other's lips. It felt like if we haven't kissed in years. We shared saliva and I licked any that slipped out of his mouth. A few drops slithered down his chin and with my quick eye, I caught them, sliding my tongue down and up his chin and finally back to his mouth. We didn't reached farther. I didn't want to make a scene here.

I enjoyed that small moment of blissfulness we had. I longed for more, but I'd had to sneak us out of school for that.

We walked to the launch room and inside, I quickly sniffed trouble. I spotted a guy, tall, brawny -not like Frank- leaning down closely to another guy. For now, it looked stable, but when Marco and I were in the middle of the line, I noted the bully grabbing the others guy's collar. The boy wasn't as tall, probably from tenth grade and looked like he just shitted his pants. After a few seconds, the bully raised his voice, -"Don't bullshit me!"- Everyone was now looking at their direction.

The boy gestured the bully to lower his voice and spoke. I couldn't hear them, but I could read his lips, -"Please, believe me. I don't have any money."- That sounded too familiar. I used to be bullied for money too.

-"I said don't bullshit me!"- The bully shouted, this time louder as he started lifting the boy up.

Marco elbowed me, -"Jean, we need to do something."

I pushed him when I saw a gap in the line, -"Let's not get into trouble."

-"But he needs help n-"

Suddenly, the launch room was filled with a cry and a loud clash. The bully just slapped the boy's tray into the air. It flew and smashed against a near wall, food cascading down on the students leaning on the wall, waiting in line. Damn. He was strong. When the boy could no longer touch the floor, Marco jumped in, -"Marco!"- I shouted, panic coursing through me.

-"Hey! Leave him alone!"- Marco said to the bully.

The bully dug out a few pennies from the boy and threw them away. He was about to punch the poor one when he abruptly turned towards Marco. That's when I snapped. Ire consuming me in a matter of seconds. No, no, no, calm down, Jean.

I rushed in and stepped in front of them, shielding Marco, -"Hey you, back off and leave him alone."- I wondered who I was talking about.

-"Fuck off."- The bully spat.

I clicked my tongue. He was strangling the boy. Come on... he couldn't be possibly thinking on killing him, right?

I placed my hand on the bully's shoulder, feeling them like rock and squeezed it as hard as I could. I harshly turned him around with a lot of strength in my part. The bully dropped the kid accidentally. The latter fell on his butt and crawled away, whimpering sof-

With reflexes, I managed to dodge a direct blow to my face. As soon as the bully turned around, he aimed a punch at me. It was too late though, he managed to land his fist on my shoulder. I staggered, but held my feet. Knowing this was gonna get worse, I gave Marco a quick look. He understood and rushed to the crying boy's aid.

The bully was persistent even after a few blows from me. I tried not to harm him too much to avoid to getting scolded, but this guy didn't gave me a chance. I was silently thanking God that he was slow and had poor reflexes as I landed my knee in his stomach after dodging another of his attacks. My attacks seemed to affect him little and when he was about to kick me, a group of elders burst in the launch room. I quickly raised my arms and stepped back.

The spectators weren't shouting this time, they were frozen in place. They knew my fights were serious after watching me combat Frank. Again, nobody did anything for the victim. Everyone knew he was about to get his ass kicked and nobody wanted to do anything –including myself. Marco took the initiative, even though it was a brash move.

My haters in the room told the elders that I was the one who attacked, but the launch room's janitors were more likely to be believed and they spoke the truth. A few students recorded the incident and showed it to them. I approached one of the guards, -"Hey, I really prefer if-"- I began, wanting to tell him that I'd like if the video was deleted until he interrupted me.

-"Kirshtein,"- He spoke brusquely, -"We'll let it slide this time, seeing as you had a reason, but next time, leave it to the big guys."- He spat and turned away.

I made a face and started to mimic him, -"My bad… asshole."- I muttered and walked back to the line for breakfast. Behind me, the whispers and snickers were driving me crazy.

In the table, Marco and I ate, but one thing led to another, -"You shouldn't have done it."- I said, pouring milk into the cereals.

-"Hmmph?"- Marco muttered with his mouth full.

-"Rush into danger like that,"- I explained, feeling a bit overwhelmed with worry, -"He could've hit you."

Marco swallowed, his expression hardening, -"But if I didn't, then who? You… you hesitated."

-"I just didn't want –want us, to get involved, okay?"- I said defensively, -"We almost didn't walk out of that one."

Marco coughed, choking on a nub of cereal. He quickly drank milk, his face reddening, -"B-but the guards arrived too late. If we didn't act, Rick would've been hurt."

-"Rick?"- I pondered. That must be the kid we helped. I saw the guards taking him and the bully elsewhere, -"Oh, the kid. Look, we should leave this stuff to the guards. It's not our problem."

Marco's mouth gaped. He couldn't believe what I was saying.

-"And you should stop jumping into danger."

Marco crossed his arms and pouted, -"Well, I'm still doing it next time… if necessary."

-"There won't be a next time,"- I spoke, more harshly, letting my emotions speak for me, -"I'm not letting you."

-"You can't stop me."

-"Oh really?"- I raised an eyebrow, a smirk on my lips, -"Say that again."

-"You can't stop me."- He repeated, still with an awfully cute pout –yet a bit bothersome in our current situation, while looking away.

-"Marco."- I warned.

-"I already said it. You can't stop me from helping others out. I'm jumping in if necessary, whether you like it or not."- He spoke quickly, fluttered.

-"I said no!"- I raised my voice and slammed my fist in the table, attracting attention, but I didn't care. Marco gasped and widened his eyes at me. I startled him. When he collected himself, he bit his lip and stood up, dropping the tray in the cleaning area and leaving the room, -"Where are you going?"- I wasn't sure if I saw his eyes water.

I rushed out too after dropping the tray abruptly. The janitors shouted at me, but I ignored them. Marco was top priority.

He might not have physical training, but he was a scurrying bastard –and clever. He knew how to blend in the crowds. From me? No way. I could easily pinpoint him out. I knew him: every edge, every inch of his face, his back, his leg, his chest; he couldn't hide from me in matter how much he changed looks, I could still recognize him. He attempted at it a few times, but I just found him over and over.

I chased him and ended up cornering him up in my least favorite spot of this godforsaken school: where I beat up Frank, a small cubicle with no exit. Marco stood at the far end of it, panting heavily, -"Stop, Marco. You can't run away from me."- I spoke, surprised at how much the adrenaline changed my tone of voice. This wasn't a game.

Marco grimaced and attempted at that technique of rushing past me like he did with Frank and… failed. I winced at the memory and stopped Marco, wrapping my arms around his abdomen. I pushed him back to the wall and pinned him. He struggled, set on running away again.

-"So, I can't stop you, you said?"- I teased, still pinning him.

He didn't liked it.

-"Ah, come on, you're still upset?"- I asked stupidly. Of course he was. He wouldn't be trying to run away from me otherwise, -"Marco, stop and just lis-"

A sudden blow to my abdomen forced my breath out. I wrapped one arm around my stomach, the other still gripping Marco's wrist. Did he… just kneed me?

He took this opportunity to step away and try wiggling out of my grip, but with my reflexes, I gripped tighter. Collecting myself from the small damage he caused, I gripped his other wrist with my free hand and again pushed him to the wall. He winced, -"Ouch, you're hurting me…"

I didn't loosen my grip as I started to solve a puzzle, -"So,"- I began, running my hand through his abs underneath his shirt, feeling them hot and sweaty from the chasing, -"That's how you got these."

Marco moaned at my touch, biting his lips to seal any other.

-"You used to go to defensive training classes, right?"- I asked, looking at his eyes, my hand still wondering his abdomen, lower this time.

He didn't answer. He was biting his lips, fluttered at the sensation of my touch.

I snickered and lent closer to his mouth, unable to resist the sexual tension between us and forcing it open with mines. All the moans he held off escaped, free as a bird and into my ears. We kissed; he hesitated at first, still upset with me, but succumbed at the end, moving at my rhythm. My hand on his abs toyed with his belly button and started to slither lower and lower… as if it had a mind of its own. Marco stopped it abruptly with his free hand and pushed me away completely, -"S-stop…"- He breathed out, hands on his knees while breathing raggedly.

-"I-"- I began to apologize, realizing I almost lost it there if it weren't for him, but his fixated look at something or someone behind me interrupted me. I looked back and gasped. Two girls were recording the whole thing with their pink cells. How long have they been…?

-"I knew it! Wait 'till she sees this!"- One of them said as they high-fived.

When I regained myself, fear welled me again and I snapped, -"Who are you talking about?"- I asked, but it really didn't matter, -"Whatever. Delete that. Now."- I demanded, giving them both a raging glare. One of them whimpered and started clicking on her cellphone, hopefully deleting it. The other… well, let's just say she reminded me of my ex. I walked toward her after her friend ran off and picked up the phone. It had a security lock, so I failed any attempts at unlocking it, -"Damn it!"

-"Hey! Give it back!"- The girl shouted and started jumping for it.

I clicked my tongue. I was losing my temper by the second. I couldn't unlock this shit! I couldn't let anyone see that! I raised the phone higher and attempted to unlock it again until the girl kicked my leg. It didn't hurt much, but I promptly lent down to sob it and accidentally dropped the phone from the latter altitude. It crashed onto the floor, its screen immediately obfuscated with cracks.

The girl gasped, knelt down and started crying, -"You dick! You broke it!"

I, on the other hand, sighed in relief. Nobody would see that video now. I felt as if a huge boulder was off me.

Marco rushed towards her and knelt down, quickly picking up the phone and observing it. Then, he gave me a quick glare, -"What? You think I broke it? It was an accident! She kicked me and I dropped it. It was her fault."- I spat out, crossing my arms defensively. Well… I did though of breaking it if I couldn't unlock it.

Marco ignored me and I felt as if he skewed my heart with a stake, -"I'm really sorry…,"- He spoke, his voice calm yet compassionate. I felt jealousy growing within me and the urge to snap the girl's neck, -"Why don't you go to the office and wait for me? I'll call in someone and we'll fix it."

All air left my lungs.

The girl nodded, her face red with fury, -"Fine. Whatever. It's your fault too! You'll pay for it!"- She snatched her phone from his palm and then kicked me in my leg again, -"Bastard!"

-"Hey! Come back, you little shit! You'll-"

I shouted and started to chase after her, but Marco turned me around roughly, -"Jean, just stop!"- He shouted and I froze, as if Mr. Freeze just used his ice gun against me, -"Just… don't."

I stared at him, wide eyed. I've never seen him like this, so sullen and outraged. My heart tightened, -"Marco… I'm…"- I wanted to apologize because I knew it's my fault he's like that and yet, I too was irritated and extremely jealous.

He shook his head, -"I knew it was an accident, but you were planning on breaking it and… all for a video?"- His expression saddened. He was hurt.

-"Marco… I can't let anyone see it."

-"Why?"

-"Come on… you know why."- It'll be viral: Marco and Jean, disgusting gays and forever laughed at. Our lives would be ripped out of us. I can't let that happen.

Marco bit his lip. Was he… holding off tears? His eyes were ruddy, -"And you were willing to hurt a girl for it too."

-"Ugh, again with her,"- I spat, feeling bitterness in my mouth –and jealously. So much jealously, -"You jump in danger for anyone and even helped that girl who was scoffing at us. What about me, huh? You don't care about me? I risked my ass fighting those assholes –risked my life for you and yet you worry more for others. Great!"- I was letting my emotions speak for me… again.

Marco gasped and stood speechless for a few seconds before placing his hand on his chest, where his heart throbbed, slightly squeezing it, -"I… I never said that…"

-"And when I say no, it's no,"- I spoke again, not holding anything back, -"I'm not letting you leap to danger for anyone."

Now, Marco expression hardened, his brows furrowing, -"You can't tell me what I can or can't do!"

I scoffed, -"Try me. I'm not letting you anyways."

Marco gasped again and stepped back. Again, he attempted to hold a tear or two from leaking out. He gaped his mouth several times to retort, but failed. In the end, his face dropped dramatically; a pained, sorrowful expression took over, -"I… I…,"- He sniffed, but resisted the tears. His voice was shaky. It echoed around the walls of this pit and bounced at me, -"I… need to be somewhere."- He said, painfully trying to refit himself.

He started walking, -"Where are you going?"- I asked with a harsh tone.

-"To fix things up."

-"You didn't answer my question."

-"That's all you need to know."- He said flatly and started walking away.

-"Marco!"- I shouted and wanted to go after him, but my legs didn't move, like if they were buried under dunes of sand. I had a load of emotions circulating my heart: worry, jealously, yearning, sadness, anger, but my mind and the rational part of me said: let him go. You can't stop him. He's decided. He wants to fix the mess you caused. Let him. Better him than you.

I snarled angrily. It's my mess! I'm supposed to go! I though, feeling the urge to punch something. Anything.

No, Jean, you can't. You'll only make it worse.

He's only going to get himself in trouble! I argued.

Don't you think he's cleverer than that? It's not in his nature to get in a hassle. It's yours. He'll fix it.

-"Fuck!"- I cursed aloud, -"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"- I started punching the nearest wall, unable to control my emotions once again. Minutes passed. My fists ached, my knuckles throbbing, but I kept hitting it, seeing a ton of people in it, as if projected by some kind of machine behind me. I knew better. It was my own mind. I saw my ex, George, Frank, Trevor, Kat, Dad..., -"Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!"

Maybe hours passed and I didn't notice. Maybe the hallways began to fill with students. I didn't notice. Maybe I skipped all the classes. I didn't notice, didn't cared.

I was angry. So angry… at myself. I couldn't collect my thoughts, my emotions. I couldn't organize them. I needed… something or someone! Anything! I felt my mind going overdrive, overflowed with so much though.

Someone, with the same kind of problem, came to mind.

-"Do you really know what you're requesting? I can forewarn you've never had one before."- Diego was outside of school, about to smoke again.

I clicked my tongue, irritated, -"I really need it if what you said is true."

-"About it clearing your mind? Certainly. For a rookie like you though… it may have a second effect."- He said worriedly.

-"Don't worry about me."- I said, desperate to clear my head. The headache was ripping my mind into shreds.

And he noted. He was still worried about me, but led me farther from school and to the same spot where we talked yesterday anyways. He dug out a cigarette, lighted it and gave it to me. He didn't told me how it works or anything and I thanked him for it silently. Can't be that hard.

Sure, I had a bit of problem at first, but I took the hang of it and after a while… I was relieved of any burden in me. I had a slight doubt and regret of doing it, but I locked it up. My mind was free.

-"Feeling better?"- Diego asked, puffing out a cloud of smoke.

-"Yeah…"- I spoke, the cigarette leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

-"You looked grim."

I just nodded. I felt there was space in my mind, like a water reservoir just emptied. I knew I could think more freely now and reason everything, but even the smallest though hurt, so I laid back.

Even so, it's like my own mind was telling me to do so. Now. Like it was urgent. I kept thinking of Marco. Marco this, Marco that, how I screwed everything between us, how stupid I've been. I know he was in the office "fixing" the problem with the girl. The problem I caused.

The side thoughts were mostly of the bullied kid in the launch room and everything I talked with Diego yesterday. Seriously, when I can get some peace?

I grew softer, my anger and jealously subsiding. I remembered how I treated Diego yesterday. I was indifferent and selfish. I kept talking about what I –or didn't wanted to know. It was me, me, me and despite how grievous he looked, he listened. I glanced at him and I saw him worse, -"Hey, uhm… I'm sorry about yesterday. I was a total dick."

Diego found this sudden, -"Pardon me?"

-"Just wanted to apologize for treating you like shit yesterday."

A small smile began to form on his blank face, -"Oh, it wasn't that severe. I also beg your absolution… for bringing up your boyfriend into that awful topic. I would've done the same." You just want to harbor him..."

Again, his voice drifted away as he grew thoughtful, -"What happened yesterday? To you, I mean."

-"Me? I had an awful argument with Zaeed,"- His face fell painfully as he started to vent, -"That and I'm targeted down by Kat and some bullies. I'm on a runaway and I'm fatigued. I haven't slept well either. My little brother's sick and I'm waiting a call from the hospital. Our parents don't even bother to call us. We live alone, the house is a mess. I'm worried about Zaeed. I don't know where he is and I can't find him. He doesn't answer my calls, my texts..."

-"Damn,"- I began and an idea occurred to me, -"Hey, wanna go-"

-"Escucha,"- He interrupted me and looked completely aghast, -"Forget everything I said yesterday. It's a waste of time and you'll just bring peril to both of you." *1

I lowered my gaze, feeling guilty. I thought so too yesterday… now? I wasn't so sure.

Diego sighed, running a hand through his messy hair, -"Enough about me. I've vent plenty already,"- He said, snatching my cigarette and throwing it away, -"You've had enough. I don't think Marco will agree of this. Now, tell me what happened to you."

I told him the incident with the girl.

-"Why were you trying unlock it?"

I hesitated a bit, -"For a damn video."

-"Video? That's ridiculous."

Again, I hesitated, longer this time. Right now, I didn't had anyone to talk to and I felt like I needed to. It was unlike me, yeah, but in moments like this, it was advised to do so and Diego was the perfect guy.

I told him my fight with Marco and the suggestive video the girls took.

-"I see,"- He said, growing thoughtful for a minute, -"I understand why you wanted to get rid of it. Kat will surely use it and spread the gossip more to turn the school against you. That's hard proof there, but…,"- He paused, again thoughtful, –"Marco is distressed. He thinks you're ashamed of what you both share."

-"What? No, I'm not,"- I said quickly. His dubious look irked me. Come on! After all me and Marco did to each other… that's impossible, right? I'm not ashamed. I loved him. I just wanted to keep it hidden for our safety –mostly his, -"I don't have to justify myself to you."

-"I haven't asked you to,"- He said and stood up, -"You better go then. Whoever is in charge would want you there."

And so I did and I quickly met with the girl, who was sticking her tongue out at me. Beside her was her mom. Opposite of them, was Marco and his mom beside him. My heart shattered. She was here in my name since Mom couldn't… come, -"We've already reached an agreement. There is no need for an alteration. As the man said, an expert, 100 is more than enough for him."- She spoke, calm and collected.

The girl's mom made a face, -"And where is the one responsible if not him, hm? He can't have all the roses while you're here."

-"I'm here."- I said, walking forward so I could be seen by both sides.

Marco and his mom were surprised to see me, especially Marco, -"Jean, we have this under control. Go."- He said lowly.

I arched an eyebrow, doubtful, -"Yeah, sure."- I stood beside his mom.

-"Mom, it's him! He's a freak!"- She shrieked, pulling her mother's shirt, -"He broke my phone on purpose!"

I didn't do it on purpose, for fucks sake! I shouted mentally and wanted to release it verbally, but I knew it won't do any good. I wanted to erase the video and I'd do anything to do so, even break it. What happened may have been an accident, but the damage is done.

Her mother lent down, -"It's okay, dear. I'll set him straight."

I was really doing an effort to keep it cool, -"Look, I'm sorry, okay? It was accident. I dropped it because you were kicking me."

She ignored me, -"Mom, he wanted to delete my stuff! My private stuff!"

Her mother gasped, -"You're a pervert!"

-"He's gay too and likes to spy on little girls!"

-"I'm not-"- I began, but bit my tongue, tasting my blood. Don't even think about it, Jean! Not here, not now! You'll just ruin everything! I told myself mentally, regretting biting my tongue, swelling in a matter of seconds.

-"Now, now,"- Marco's mom spoke, still keeping her cool, -"You're just being dramatic. Let's just finish this peacefully. I'll give you 100 for the damage done."

-"One hundred?"- I raised my voice and stood closer to her, speaking lower, -"I know you said you'd help me on anything, but I can't accept that. I caused this, I'll pay this."

I was about to turn around to face the desperate woman when Marco's mom stopped me, -"No, Jean. Tell me, how are you going to get the money?"

I paused and gulped, -"Uhm…,"- I pondered about it, but there wasn't much to think. It was a one way only, -"I'll find a job and work my ass off."

She wanted to argue, but she understood why I wanted to do this. She already helped me enough. I can't let her waste money for problems I caused. She spoke nonetheless, -"Fifty, fifty. Deal?"

I hesitated. I deserved to work hard for those 100, but I knew she wasn't lowering it, -"Deal."

She placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed, -"Are you sure you can do it?"

I nodded, -"Yeah. Trust me."

We faced the woman. She was patting her feet huffily, -"Are you done?"

Marco's mom nodded, -"Yes. I've decided to give you 50. He'll give you the other half."

The woman grimaced, -"He deserves to give me 100 so he can learn his lesson. Even 200."

Believe me, bitch, I agree with you, I though bitterly.

-"No. The deal's set,"- Marco's mom said and lend her the first 50, -"Can you start repairing it with this?"- She asked the repair man.

He just nodded.

-"You have until next week. Monday."- The woman said, grinning.

-"That's no-"

-"It's okay"- I said, feeling a tight knot in my throat, -"I accept."- I knew why Marco's mom wanted to argue. It was harder to find jobs on weekends. Did the woman did on purpose? It doesn't matter. I'll get those 50 from anyone's ass if I have to. I also wasn't in position to argue anything.

We finished with the last details and when we were about to leave the office, -"And please, recover all the data."- The woman told the repair man.

His "will do" sent shivers down my spine. I had to pinch myself in order to sustain myself from turning around and say something. If he recovered the data, I was done for, but I couldn't do anything else than survive. Following him in order to torture him in his house was out of the question. I had to live with it.

Outside, Marco's mom faced me worriedly and Marco was giving his cold shoulder, -"You need to look for jobs. And fast,"- She said, a hand on her chin, -" I know people who'll pay for garden and interior cleanup."

-"I'll ask my neighbors."- I said, my eyes on Marco. He was still upset with me and it shattered my heart. It was all my fault.

-"Okay. I'll call you on Saturday and start early. I can also lend more mo-"

-"No need,"- I interrupted her, -"I can do this."

She sighed, -"Then I'll bring you groceries every once a week. No excuses."

I nodded.

After that, Marco didn't spoke to me the rest of the evening. I wanted to talk to him, to make him say something, but I decided against it. I needed to give him space, to let his mood detrain. My earlier rampage scared and grieved him.

The ride home was quiet and when I entered my house, it was quieter. After a quick bath, I decided to visit a few neighbors, -"Hey, I'm looking for a job. Do you, uhm… need help with something? Or do you know anyone who needs it?"- I asked.

The old man shook his head disapprovingly, -"I suppose you ain't doing it from the heart. You're doing it for money. Y'all kids are."

I bit my lip, -"No, I'm sorry. I need the mo-"

He closed the door brashly. I balled my fists angrily and raised it to hit the door, but instead took a deep breath and collected myself. Punching doors and raging inside his house isn't going to solve anything –and it was also intrusive. I'll just get in trouble.

I kept asking around, only to be dejected. Then, I thought about Mom's friend, Nana. She was an old lady, with wrinkles all over her face, -"Oh, Jean. I heard about your mother."- She sobbed and I felt guilty for not visiting her… at all.

I hugged and soothed her, telling her it was okay and that I knew she was alright. Sorrow began to well and distract me from my duty, -"Listen, I need a job. Do you know anyone around here who needs helps? I need money for something…"

Her face lit up, -"I need help with my home. Tis' all dirty and I'm too old to clean it,"- She said and pointed at the house opposite of her, -"Mr. Lawton needs help with his garden."

I sighed in relief. Finally, a job, -"Okay, I'll come by tomorrow."

I waved her goodbye and walked towards Lawton's house, -"Good evening. I heard you needed help –I mean, offering a job with your garden. I'm willing to take it."- I spoke, as much polite as I could.

He eyed me, -"Hmph. Saturday. Twenty bucks."- A man with little words.

I nodded, -"Roger."

I headed home afterwards and crumbled into bed, my legs giving up on me. I walked the whole neighborhood and only got two jobs. Damn. It wasn't enough. I needed more.

I tried to sleep, but it took me longer than I expected. I kept thinking about Marco, about how I was going to fix the fissure between us. God, I just wanted to keep him safe, I never thought I'd ruined everything. I spoke out, lacking control of my emotions and ended up hurting him. And all for a damned video.

Diego's words circulated my mind. Am I… ashamed of what we have? I quickly told him no, but now… no answer came to mind. It's was like a blank canvas.

It's unreal how everything turns against me, how easy it is to ruin someone's life, how difficult it is to live being yourself, how complicated life is –and love. I thought everything was great with Marco when he stayed with me, I thought I had the best life, I thought it'd stay like that…

I have never been so wrong.

Ugly right? I'M SORRY! But I want to keep this real! In order for Jean and Marco to be the perfect couple, in order for them to truly live at peace as lovers, they need to go through a series of obstacles and difficulties. If they succeed, only then they'll know they're really committed to each other. Believe me, this is difficult for me to write ;~; I love them too much!

For me, love is happiness... and pain.

BUT I PROMISE THINGS WILL GET BETTER!

Also, why Jean gets most of the suffering? He's going trought self-doubt. The change between straight to homo and jerk to nice was sudden. He's changing, really changing, he's learning from his mistakes and he's building mental fortitude. Marco went trough all that in the past. I hope you understand ;~;

Let me know if I'm not making any sense xD