CHAPTER 5

Santana's POV:

"You're back" I said under my breath. I was stunned with this girl standing right in front of me.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am." She said in a mellow voice. She purses her lips while looking at me with teary eyes.

"I didn't expect you here." I said indifferently. Quinn has this bad habit of unintentionally putting my guard down and makes me regret it the next. I just hope she wouldn't smile; her smile very much weakens me.

"I miss you." It wasn't a sad face, or a happy one. It was…Quinn's face. No pretentions, no walls; just her. It was the most heartwarming words I've heard from her so far. She didn't hold back.

I hesitated on saying I miss her too. I haven't said anything yet but on the judge of the look on her face, she can see that I'm battling with myself inside. But she couldn't blame me right? She's the one who always teach me how to fly then suddenly shoot my wings.

"I'll take your silence as a way of saying you miss me too." She half smiled.

I didn't bother contradicting her statement. It's true after all. "Don't you think it's kind of late to roam around?" I arched a brow.

She smirked. "I'm not roaming around, Santana" Oh how I missed that. I just appreciate my name a hundred times more when she's the one saying it. "You're mom told me you'd be here. So no, Santana; I'm not roaming, I know exactly where I'm going."

"What time did you arrive home?" I asked, trying not to lead the conversation to the critical part.

"Now." She stepped closer to me. "As in…now." Then she looked at me straight in the eyes. I shook my head in confusion. I didn't know what she was trying to say. And for a second she looked down. "We're still friends, right?"

"It hurt so badly, Quinn." And for the first time tonight, I speak what I feel out loud. It made her look at me and I saw a glimpse of sadness. But knowing myself; I don't want to see her sad. "But yes, I'll always be your friend." And after a while I realized, I shouldn't be so happy about that; always being just a friend.

She sighed. "That's good to know." And I felt a pinch in my heart. "Because that's what we both trying to do all this time, right? Protect our friendship." She looked at me in approval.

I nodded gently. "Yeah. One thing that will always be a bigger deal to me."

She shook her head. "Our friendship isn't a one big thing, Santana. To me, it's a million things. And those million things are the reason why I'm holding these feelings back; to save those million little things."

I smiled. But my smile wasn't purely happiness. I opened my mouth but nothing came out.

She continued talking instead. "But I'm willing to risk that now." That statement made my head turn to her. She looked at me straight in the eyes. "I was lost, Santana. I was lost without you."

"A single text, Quinn. That's all I ever ask from you when you were away." I didn't deliver it in a harsh way, it's more like begging for an explanation.

"All you ever say in you text is how I was or do I miss you. I don't want to tell you in a text that I'm torn without you, that I'm not fine. And you should have known that I miss you. The moment I turned my back from you, I missed you, Santana." Her voice was shaky. I wanted to wrap my arms around her that moment but I didn't know if that would be the best thing to do. "And I definitely didn't want to talk to you on the phone because I know I'd break down. And that wouldn't be good for either of us."

Am I dreaming? Assuming? Or is Emily right all this time? Quinn does love me the way that I love her. I gulped for what I'm about to ask next "So you're saying…"

"I love you. And you might not believe it instantly but I do. I guess I was just afraid to say it out loud. I was afraid of practically everything, and everyone. And I guess I still am, S. But I just can't hold it in anymore."

As much as I was enthralled with what she said and how happy I am to hear her words, all I managed to utter was "Why?"

"Why?" she questioned.

"I mean, I don't know if I can trust my ears for what I'm hearing right now. And I don't think my brain is functioning well…" I didn't even know if I was making sense.

"I guess I realized I would never want to see you with anyone else but me. I love the way you look at me, S. I'd never want to see you look at anyone else that way. Do you…Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?"

"Kind of…" It's official. I'm totally looking dumb right now.

"The point is; I'm losing you. And I'd never want that to happen. It makes the whole holding-back-my-feelings pointless. And if that's the case, I'd rather take a chance with you." She said without a pause.

I just stood there, it wasn't like that's all I want to do but I kind of froze.

"Do you still love me?" Quinn asked frankly, I can sense that she gathered all the courage she can get to ask me that; it was not her thing.

I smiled. "I'll always love you. And if ever you might be wondering; I'm in love with you. Still in love with you." I said sincerely. It was a different feeling; saying her that. This time, I know she wouldn't take it negatively, she might even like to hear it.

"Only me?" It wasn't an accusing question; it was more of hoping that I would answer yes. But I know that question was something more. I raised a brow. "You don't like Em, do you?"

I was taken aback at her question. But I manage to recover the next second. I wouldn't want Quinn to get the wrong idea. "No. I might have been though…" I answered honestly. I didn't know how to describe her expression, but it was definitely not a pleased one. I hold her hand with my two hands and lift it in the level of my neck. "If I weren't this much in love with you." I smiled, expecting her to smile back.

"You really delayed the last part, didn't you?" she asked amused.

"I kind of wanted to see what your jealous face looks like." I smirked.

She chuckled. "My jealous face is indifferent. The one you saw was my I-hate-myself-for-not-telling-her-earlier face."

I smiled at her with amusement.

"What? I've been practicing this whole week on what I'm going to say to you; to make up for all the hurt that I've caused you. I thought for a second that I was too late." She admitted.

"It was worth it, after all. All the waiting, and the hurting; it's all worth it. You make hard things worth it. If this is just a dream I wouldn't mind being in a sleep forever." I said barely audible.

"I would always love you, so go easy on yourself." Quinn said with her biggest smile.

I'm aware that I'm grinning like an idiot right now but it doesn't really matter. "I can't wait to tell Emily about this."

I then noticed that her expression became serious. "San?"

"What's the matter?" I asked nervously. I didn't know what she was going to say but my happiness was cut short.

"Can we keep this a secret? For now. I'm just not ready yet." Quinn pleaded.

I sighed. Then all the questions and doubts comes running back. "Are you sure about this? Because you can still back out." I forced myself to say. It's not like I have much of a choice.

"I might just have said it now, but that doesn't mean I haven't been feeling it for a long time." She said in sincerely. I even felt guilty for doubting her. But I just couldn't figure out what pushed her to confess her feelings to me all of a sudden. "All I'm asking is time, S. I'm not ready to face my parents, and everyone else. You know how people are; they wouldn't care about what good you did once they see your flaws."

"Loving is not a flaw, Q." I understand her, I do. But it was a harsh truth. I know she has a point but it doesn't change the fact that it's painful. She was about to say something but I intentionally continued. "But I'm willing to wait. I waited not knowing that I have a chance with you, what more now?"

She smiled thankfully. She slightly opened her mouth but closed it immediately, then opened it again. "Can I hug you?"

"Can I hug you?" I asked her permission instead.

She nodded. "I'd love it either way."

I hugged her. For the first time. It felt real. I wasn't thinking of what might happen next, I wasn't thinking of holding her longer, like I used to. In fact, I wasn't thinking at all. I'm just feeling. And it was the best thing I ever felt.

"I so love you." I heard her whisper. And even though I couldn't see her face, I felt her smile. And so I broke the hug to see her face. She finally said it. I can't think of any word that is a superlative of smile so maybe that's just it; I smiled.

I still don't know if I'm just dreaming, because it's too good to be true. But the realness that I feel; this must be reality. It's so easy for me to believe her, because what she said was exactly what I have always wanted to hear.

"Do you want to hear the honest truth?" Quinn said out of the bloom.

I got curious and just nodded.

"I didn't really miss you." She confessed. I can feel the frown that my lips formed.

Then she smiled. "You were missing from me. You are a part of me. You are essential to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. And I could not function well without you." She uttered in a sweet voice.

"You really delayed the sweet part didn't you?" I smirked.

"We're quits now." She said sheepishly.

I smiled again. It's ironic how I managed to smile in one night a hundred times more than these past weeks. Quinn has that effect on me.

Emily's POV:

It was around 9pm when Hanna came at my house. We had a bit of an argument. I know I wasn't on the right place but I was really in a bad mood. I was hurt by Hanna unintentionally, I was mad I guess, and when she approached me I wanted to yell at her, but I couldn't because I know it would her feelings too. I still didn't want to talk to her but she talked to my Mom, hence Mom demanded me to talk to her.

Hanna was standing on the other side of my room's door. So I didn't have any choice but to face her. I couldn't neglect her that much; she's Hanna after all.

I opened the door and I saw that she's really bothered.

"What?" I said frugally.

"You know exactly why." She crossed her arms as she was speaking. "What did I do wrong now? I thought we were okay, Em."

"And we are." I said in a matter-of-factly way.

"Then why are you acting that way?" she questioned, her voice escalated just a little bit louder.

I realized she was still standing outside my room so I pulled her and closed my door. "I was pissed, okay? Don't I have any rights to be pissed now?" I asked sarcastically.

"Why?" she begged for an answer. "What did I do?"

"Why do you assume that my emotions always concern you? Just so you know; my world doesn't revolve around you." I said indifferently.

She sighed. "Well, that hurts." She stated in a gloomy way.

I just shrugged.

"You talk to Sam, Rachel, Spencer and Santana in a normal way. But when it's me, you act so…unlike you. I was lucky enough to get a complete sentence from you. Worse, earlier you even act like I wasn't there." She complained. "Now tell me if it doesn't concern me."

"I'm just not in the mood of talking to you right now, okay?" I was trying to tell her to just drop it. This is the problem with me; I don't like being wrong.

"You are really hard to understand sometimes." She said as she shook her head.

"Thanks for reminding me. You can always walk out, you know." I said sarcastically.

She breathed deeply before speaking. "I can't act dumb anymore. Are you just playing with me? Is all of this some kind of a joke?" she questioned. I know what she was referring to.

I wanted to say yes so she wouldn't think that I really love her but know if I ever do that, it would ruin everything between us. I know I would hurt her. So I stayed true. I scoffed. "Why would I joke about something like that?"

"You make it sound like I'm your everything, but sometimes you end up making me feel like I'm nothing. Sometimes you make me feel so special yet sometimes you make me feel like shit." It was new to me; hearing her complain like that. I don't know if it's just my imagination but she sounded torn and sad that moment.

"I'm sorry if you feel that way." I said sincerely. "But Hanna, it seemed useless for me to show you how special you are when you're so busy getting somebody's attention." I admitted honestly in a calm voice.

She shook her head. "Are you mad about the hug?"

My head shoot at her direction. "What?"

"When Caleb hugged me in front of everyone." She stated. "Is that what earlier was about?" she asked curiously.

I didn't answer. I know she would assume that it's true. And it is.

"It was just a hug, Em. It wasn't a big deal. It was platonic." I didn't know why she's trying to reason to me. I mean, shouldn't she be mad? Because I don't have any right to be jealous or anything and I even threw my anger at her. But I was glad she bothers to explain to me.

"When it comes to you, it's always a big deal." That one slipped on my tongue.

I saw a glimpse of flattery in her eyes. "But I just hugged him. It's not like a kiss or anything."

"You don't understand." I said wanting to drop the topic.

"Then make me." She pleaded.

"He didn't just hug you back. You let him, for a moment… hold my whole world." I said shyly that it's barely audible.

Then a smile formed in her face. And for a second I felt relieved or happy even.

She pursed her lips. "Em? Can I ask you a favor?"

"What is it?" I provoked her to go on.

"Can you not leave me?" as I look at her, I saw pleading eyes. I knitted my brows. "I know this sounds selfish. But please. I know that at times I hurt you, but please just give me time. I don't want to hurt you, Em. Trust me. It's just that, I'm not sure with my feelings either-" she continued to ramble.

But then I cut her off. "Even if you ask me to; I won't let you go. I don't believe that true love means letting go. For me, it means loving too much that you'd never think of leaving at all. So trust me when I say that you're stuck with me…until you decide to leave me."

That's when I saw Hanna's tears flowing from her eyes. I reached for her and wrapped my arms around her. "I don't know what to say to you anymore."

"You don't have to say anything, really." I breathed.

So I can definitely say that Hanna and I are okay. I know this is only temporary. A day or two, I'd see them again, together. I'd be hurt again. I'd tell myself that I don't have any right to feel jealous again. And so on. It's kind of becoming a routine. And that's not really a good sign. But I'm in love, and love always makes things worth it.

Estimated, Hanna and I talked for half an hour. Since it's getting late I decided to walk her home. My parents were asleep at that time so they wouldn't mind if I'm the one who walks home alone anyways.

I opened the gate for us. Much in my surprise, after we stepped out, both of us stopped tracks when we saw Aria standing still. "Aria."

By the look in her face she was surprised too. "Hanna?"

I could see confusion in both their faces. Aria might be confused as of why Hanna was still in our house that late. Hanna wonders why Aria was standing in front of our residence at this time of day. I for one don't know either.

"To what do I owe this honor?" I asked Aria.

Aria strokes her nape as she speaks. "I uh…Just wanted to see you." Then she smiled.

I smiled too. I didn't know how much I missed her until now. Sure, we go on the same university, but our schedule doesn't match these days. I spread my arms, gesturing her to hug me. And so she did. She hugged me tightly.

It's a bit awkward though, knowing that Hanna was just beside me. But Hanna didn't know that I have a thing for Aria before, so it was good right? Just an innocent hug. It's not like she'd be jealous because she doesn't like me that way.

Then she hugged Hanna too, of course. "Didn't expect you here." She smiled.

"Yeah. Didn't expect you here either. Especially this late." She replied while smiling.

We decided to walk Hanna home since it's getting really late. We talked about random stuffs while walking. It didn't take too long to reach Hanna's house. As usual, it was already quiet. I bet her mother isn't home yet.

"Thank you for walking home. You sure you don't want to stay here for a while? I'm sure Kate and Luke wouldn't mind."

I wanted to stay with her a little more, but at the back of my head, something's telling me that Aria has something important to say.

"I'm good. I'm sure you could use some rest." I kindly declined her offer.

Aria hugged her. "Can we reserve that invite for next time? When you know, it's not this late?" Aria joked.

Both of us chuckled. "Yeah. Sure thing." Hanna answered.

So we both bid our goodbyes to Hanna and vice versa.

There will always be the first true love. The one that never really worked out but you kept your hopes up too much. The one who got away. The one who taught you all you need to know about love. Or maybe almost. And the one that until now, is still the one you look back to whenever you try to love again.

It so happens, that mine was standing in front of me…

This is going to be a longer night than I thought…

Busy -_-

Luckily, two professors of mine didn't show up in class so I had time to update :))

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