Sarry for the delay! ;~; College sarted and I'm taking precalculus! I'm suck so bad at math u.u

FOURTY-THREE

The weekend flew by. Working my ass off seemed like an excellent way to distract my mind from deterring thoughts.

Aside from school thoughts, like Nathaniel's gang and my big question to whether or not join him… I was thinking about Marco –when was I not? I thought about it and I didn't treat him well last Friday. I pushed him away from me mostly because of… my own fear. I claimed I did it for his safety, but I could protect him anytime. I acted based on my fear of the public, of the racists… of the homophobic, of reliving the past. Even outside of school. Was I shamed of what we had? That question drove me mad. If I was ashamed of what I had with him, why do I think about him so much? Why do I keep worrying about him more than myself? Why do I protect him and rage on whoever just glared at him? I think if I was ashamed of him, it meant I didn't truly cherish him and it's pretty obvious I do… more than myself.

That was a worldwide record of thinking and reasoning from me. It took me a while to find that answer, but I did and I'm confident about it.

-"Why are you taking so damn long?"- An old, greedy man shouted from within his house.

I snapped from my train of thoughts, -"Er… I-I'm sorry!"

I was scraping his garden into a flat terrain. He wanted to plant seeds, but had a mess of leaves and withered plants everywhere. I pulled them all off and groveled the leaves into a corner. Once I finished scrapping the terrain, I stood and lent on the wall to drink some water. I wiped sweat off my forehead. The sun was a killer today. I didn't delay long though. I started planting the seeds he bought: tomatoes, lettuces, onions and carrots. I made a tiny holes on the earth and dropped them vertically. The old man lend me gloves at least. When I finished, I sprayed water on them and gently pat the earth around them with my feet and went for my reward.

-"Well earned."- That was the only compliment I've gotten from him since I came here. He gave me 30 bucks.

-"Thank you."- I said and walked out joyfully. These were the last 30 bucks I needed.

Next day of school, I waited for that woman in the office, -"She's late."- I muttered, glancing at the clock in the wall: 8:00. I was supposed to be on class, dammit!

As if on cue, she arrived, artificially glamorous, -"Oh, there you are!"- I quickly handed her the money and started to walk out, -"I saw the video, pest. Homosexuality is a sin. It's written in the divine book. I'm glad the school is taking care of the likes of you."- She giggled, but I was too far to hear her anymore.

Apart from the uncontrollable fear in me that the video was recovered and soon leaked, no doubt, I was troubled. Very troubled.

I pushed those thoughts aside as I headed to the classroom. I brought my black Batman hoodie today too, as Nathaniel recommended and avoided crowds. It was impossible however. The hallways swarmed with students and spoke of only one thing: Jean Kirshtein, local madman, coward and atheist, fucking up Marco Bodt, a Christian child.

Large crowds surrounded one person playing the video from a cellphone. It was on YouTube and had thousands of views.

My mind streamed with thoughts, my body quaked, my stomached churned… and fear was eating me alive, chewing on the little courage I had. I wanted to barge out of school, I wanted to cry on my pillow, I wanted… I wanted to…

I needed to find Marco. He could be in danger.

I haven't been seen yet, so I started to squeeze through the people, sometimes stopping to watch the vid to avoid suspicion. Once I saw it, I felt I couldn't drag my eyes out of it. It was perfectly recorded: I was kissing Marco wildly while sliding my hand up his abdomen…

A whistle. Familiar.

I glanced back discreetly and spotted a hooded guy, gesturing me to follow him. I did, recognizing him as one of Nathaniel's. Once out of the crowd, I followed him to his place, -"I can't believe it…!"- I spoke out quickly once in the familiar ground. Nathaniel's spot was always deserted from other students.

-"Jean,"- Nathaniel spoke, arms crossed with a concerned expression, -"It's Marco. My guys haven't located him."

I froze. He... he couldn't find him?

Panic and adrenaline enveloped me as I ran towards where I thought I could find him: in the bathroom, isolated from the growing crowds. While I ran there, I kept encountering giant crowds, all watching the video. Teachers called them to enter class, but they didn't listen. More fear and panic in me, but I needed to calm down. I needed to find Marco first.

As I foretold, he was there, hands on a sink and looking down. He had a white hoodie, so I couldn't see his face from here. I rushed towards him, -"Marco."- I called him silently, tugging his arm.

When he turned to face me, I saw a troubled expression. He wasn't scared like I was, he was just... disturbed, like a bugging though wouldn't leave his mind. He didn't say anything.

-"Marco, we have to go."

-"Jean... I...-"- He spoke, voice low and weary.

-"We don't have time. They're going to-"

-"I think he went this way!"- Some random student from outside shouted.

I gasped and immediately pushed Marco into one of the cubicles. With little space, I positioned myself in front of Marco and faced him. I lifted my finger in front of my lips in a gesture to stay quiet as best as possible. He nodded. Now, from this proximity, I could observe his face better: his eyes were reddish, like he was crying and he had dark stains under them. He was crying last night and couldn't sleep.

-"I think they're in the bathroom."

-"Why would they be here?"

-"It's the best place to make out and have sex, y'know?"

By now, I was hugging Marco tightly as the joyful voices and giggles from students came closer. It was a matter of time before they opened this door and...

And I'd kick their butts.

But then, -"Hey, you hear that? It sounds like fighting! It's gotta be that madman!"- And just like that, they left and I wondered who was fighting.

When I was positive we were clear, I opened the door a little and peeked. Clear. We both headed out, hoods pulled over our heads and avoiding crowds. Once in Nathaniel's place, we sat down, -"Marco..."- I began.

-"We, um… have that oral presentation in art tomorrow."- He spoke evasively.

I ignored the fact that I totally forgot about that. I knew something was up and he wanted to tell me, -"That's not what you were going to tell me."

-"I finished it and it looks great..."- He continued, avoiding my eyes.

-"You did...? You should've called me,"- I said, hands on forehead and looking down, then I realized he was trying to divert me, -"Wait, are you trying to-"

-"I couldn't... you were too busy working. I didn't want to interrupt you."

-"Marco-"

-"But we both did a good job. We'll get a good-"

-"Marco!"- I called him, louder. I cupped his face in my hands and stared at his eyes. His eyes widened, -"What's wrong? You're acting… different."

His gaze fell and whenever I tried to keep it on mines, he looked away, -"It's… nothing, Jean. We should go to class."- He said after a few seconds of silence and stood up.

I stood up too and followed him after Nathaniel warned us to stay hidden, -"Hey, are you alright?"- I asked him, unable to shake off the worriedness in me. Something was wrong with him. He was acting strange. He seemed bothered, tired and grim. I've never seen him like this.

-"Yeah, I'm okay."

-"Are you sure."

-"Mhum."

-"Really sure."

He nodded.

I gaped my mouth to speak.

-"Jean, I'm fine. Really."- He repeated.

But I still can't bite it, -"Marco, you can't fool me."

He turned towards me and smiled a bit, -"I know,"- His face softened. He sighed, -"Just… give me some time."

I don't know why I had to, but I nodded nonetheless, trusting him.

We reached the classroom and I couldn't stop worrying about him and wondering what he meant a few minutes ago. He seemed normal during class, but I knew something was wrong and I knew it had to do with me.

I wasn't in the mood for any class, so I didn't pay attention and I felt empty when Marco didn't scold me.

After class, Levi did the one gesture I could understand. He wanted to me stay. Great. I wasn't even wondering what it was about this time. I gestured Marco to wait for me, but I don't know if he saw me –maybe he did, but moved on nonetheless. Again, strange. I approached his desk, mouth gaped.

-"Sit down, Kirshtein, it's been a while since you've shown your face here."- He spoke, cool and collected.

I crossed my arms and shook my head, -"Can you speed it up? I've got class."

-"Like hell you do –and don't order me around."- He spat, probably guessing I wasn't going anyways.

I grunted and sat down.

-"I see you've been busy."- He said, working on his tea.

-"Yeah, with homework and stuff."

He laughed. This is the first time I've ever heard a laugh out of him, -"Oh, you're so funny."

I clicked my tongue. Clever asshole, -"What do you want?"

He glared at me before speaking, -"I'm going straight to the point,"- He warned, setting his tea down and enclosing his fingers in front of his chin, a usual position of his, -"I know what's going on around here, with you and a few other students. Yet, our beloved principal does nothing but sit on his chair and feed off of us, enjoying the show."

I gritted my teeth. It was no show. It was cruelty. I knew little of our principal due to the fact that he rarely comes. I only know that he's fat and likes it when people called him lord Balto.

-"All this school needs is a change of leaders, don't you agree?"

I stayed quiet.

-"I've received a few requests. I'll gladly concede if given the opportunity."

My eyes widen. Him? Principal? –"Wait, you? Seriously? Who requested?"

-"A handful of students and staff,"- He leaned closer, -"Do you have a problem, Kirshtein? You think you can do better?"

-"Nope, not at all,"- I said, a smirk across my face, -"Better you than him."

-"Precisely."

I stood up to leave, -"I'll sign up then."

-"Jean,"- His voice turned more serious, if that's possible, -"Once I'm in charge, I won't tolerate racism, judges nor bullies. Until then, keep fighting. Fight for what and who you love."

I stood speechless for a few seconds. He knew more than I though. I finally nodded and headed out. As I walked out, I noticed Eren in a corner. When I was out, he slowly approached Levi. Curiosity hit me, but I couldn't delay. I had class and Marco would kill me if I didn't show up –maybe.

My heart shattered when I realized he didn't wait for me. I walked to the next class, head hung.

I had my hands in my pocket, touching my cellphone. It's been like two weeks or so and Dad nor the doctor haven't called me. I was remotely close to giving up all hope.

As I walked inside the classroom, I noticed how few of my group were showing up. I hadn't seen Ymir and Krista in a while –nor Berthold and Reiner. It was odd. The bullying in this school was mostly on homos. Ymir, Berthold and Reiner could defend themselves. Still, maybe they changed to a school where they could study more quietly. I don't blame them. I'd chance if Marco did –I still can't anyways.

I sat behind Marco and during class, I fell asleep until Connie slapped me awake, -"Wake up, horse face!"

I lifted my head abruptly and caressed it, -"Damn it, man! Why'd you hit me?"

-"To wake you up, dumbass. You slept during class like a rock. You were even snoring."

-"I… what?"- I rubbed my eyes and saw I was still in classroom. My head throbbed and my legs were numb. I also saw Connie and Sasha watching some vid. I leaned closer to them and saw myself sleeping… and snoring. They laughed and I clicked my tongue. Only then I realized that Marco wasn't in front of me, -"Hey, where's Marco?"

-"Oh, he just left. Are you two like… fighting or something?"- Sasha asked.

-"Uh… kind of."- I muttered and stood up, leaving the lovebirds laughing at me.

Weird, weird, weird. Marco was acting odd. He'd always wait for me –always, even when I slept during class.

It was lunch hour already. Bully activity was steep now, so I figured Marco would be on Nathaniel's spot, but when I got there and didn't saw him, panic mode turned on. Nathaniel told me he'd search too, -"Calm down. He's clever. He won't get caught."

We set off to find him and I cursed myself mentally for not asking his phone number yet. I always forget. We searched everywhere: the bathrooms, the lunch room, the upper rondure, the lover's nests, McDonalds…

Come on, think! Where would he be…? I had an idea, but it was unlikely, -"Do you know if art classroom is open?"- I asked Nathaniel.

-"Pixis came today, but he only leaves it open when asked personally, otherwise he-"

-"That's it!"- I yelled and ran off.

I ran past enormous crowds doing the same thing: watching the video. I didn't cared; when something was up with Marco, I forget and ignore everything else, only he mattered.

When I reached the classroom, I looked through the small window the door had and spotted him in one of the tables… alone.

-"Is he there?"- Nathaniel asked behind me.

I turned towards him and nodded, -"Yeah, but… let me talk to him. Alone. We'll meet you in the usual."

-"Hmph. Fine. Don't take too long."

When he left, I turned on the hand knob only to find it closed. I knocked softly. Marco heard and looked over his shoulder. I lent closer to the window and he spotted me, yet he turned back to whatever he was doing. I sighed and knocked again. Nothing. I lent on the wall and waited –all I had to. Whenever students passed, I looked down and start to work on my phone as cover. I waited and waited. Lunch hour will soon be over. A few students closed in the classroom to peek inside –nerds, actually, nobody else liked art class, -"There's no one there."

-"Why's the light on then?"

-"Maybe Jinn is there?"

They knocked. Nothing.

They sighed and left.

Eld Jinn, music class teacher. He has a copy of Pixis' classroom keys since both rooms were merged into, well… one.

I went to the office and quickly ran into him, -"Oh, buon pomeriggio, Jean. Something I can help with?" *1

Jinn had Italian heritage, -"Yeah, I, um… I'd like the keys to Pixis classroom."- It was an odd thing to ask.

He grimaced, -"I've had a few students who asked me too. I can't give keys of a classroom which I don't own."

-"Please. My friend's in there and I…,"- I figured I had to be honest, -"… I have to talk to him. He won't open the door."

-"Pixis let him?"

-"He had to."

Jinn though about it, fingers on his chin. He must find this all odd, -"Alright, Jean. I'll open it for you. I was on my way to my classroom anyways."

I helped him carry a few instruments and headed off. He first opened his classroom and we dropped them off. Then, he opened Pixis', -"Don't take too long. I'll be in my classroom."

I nodded towards him and entered. Marco was about to jump off the table and ran off until he saw me, -"Oh, it's you."- He muttered.

-"Yeah, it's me,"- I said, closing the door, -"And we need to talk."

He shook his head and started picking up whatever he had on the table, -"No, we don't. I told you I'm fine. Let's go."

He was drawing –or trying to. All I see are scrawls, -"Yeah, we do,"- I repeated, walking closer to him. I was talking a bit harshly to him –again. I won't make that mistake, so I held my tongue, breathed deeply and spoke again, this time lower and softer, -"Marco… look, I know when you're not okay just as you can tell when I'm not."

That made him stop gathering the papers. He looked over his shoulder.

-"Please… let's talk. Let me hear you out. I can help you… just as you've helped me,"- I spoke, feeling warm within me. I meant what I said, -"I'm dead worried about you… and you know it, but it's okay. Whatever it is, we can take it. We'll find a way to beat it."

Now, he turned to me, his eyes watering, in the brink of tears, -"Jean…"- He whimpered.

I quickly wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me, -"It's going to be alright. Let's talk, okay? I hate seeing you like this."

He nodded against my chest.

We picked up everything in the classroom, retrained them where they belong and headed out to Nathaniel's place after closing the classroom and giving Jinn the key, -"There you are."- Said Nathaniel.

I walked towards him and spoke in an undertone, -"I need to speak to him... alone."

He arched his eyebrow and pointed to the stairs that led to the roof, -"Up there,"- He said and handed me some keys, -"Bring them back and make sure no one sees you."

I nodded and gestured Marco to follow me.

As we walked upstairs, he nervously poked my shoulder, -"Jean... we're not supposed to be up here."

-"I know,"- I said, remembering how shaken up the principal was when he gave the order to shut off the roof's access. Supposedly, a student committed suicide by jumping from it, -"They won't find us, I promise. It'll be quick."

When we reached the rusty gate, I opened it, trying to muffle its screak. I then shut it just as cautiously. Above, the sun shone down on us. We stayed away from it though, to avoid detection.

-"Jean,"- Marco spoke first, -"I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I should've told you sooner!"

-"What're you talking about?"

-"About us. The Bible... it speaks of homosexuals. It's a... sin. I thought it was okay. Love is love. It doesn't matter who. Mom thinks so too, but when the rest of the family knew…"- Marco lowered his gaze, wrapping his arms around himself. He seemed hurt –and not physically… but spiritually.

The woman whom I gave the money said that too. I wasn't too religious and I haven't read the Bible to know that. I though the woman was bluffing, but hearing it from Marco… was different. He's someone who had true faith in Him up there –because I could tell the woman believed just right then and there just so she could make me feel guilty.

I guessed 'the rest of family' were religious from top to bottom. Yet, I believed who had faith in Him don't exactly need to read the Bible or go to church 24/7. People here tend to misunderstand the concept –that's what I think anyways. I also think the Bible can't word out who you can or can't love –that's also a misunderstood concept. Like Marco said, love is equal, it's not a matter of who.

I was about to say all those thoughts when he continued, -"Jean… I think we need to-"

-"No,"- I said, fast as lighting, not wanting to hear it, -"Listen to me-"

His expression hardened a bit, -"And I know why you don't want me so close to you on public, but I feel like I'm a different person to you. You push me away and treat me like someone else –we can't even hold hands, even outside of school. I… don't like it."

Oh no, -"N-no… that's not it…,"- I began to speak, feeling a tight knot I my throat, calm down, Jean, be rational. Think everything trough, -"I… I…, you're right, but I swear I'll change."

Marco wasn't too convinced, -"I know why you're afraid… to admit or show your feelings in public, but you need to let the past go; it doesn't matter, today does. Don't let the past define you and your present, don't let it ruin it."

My eyes began to widen and water. The truth of his words was choking me and yet… I couldn't just simply let go, it traumatized me for a life time,-"Marco, please… don't break up with me. I… I'll change,"- I begged. It's the only thing that frightened me right now. He bit his lip and I gulped, -"Just… give me some time."

Marco said nothing. His sad expression spoke more; he wanted to, but wasn't sure of it. He didn't want to go through the same again and again.

I was about to kneel in front of him and beg more, until my phone rang.

I froze. He smiled, despite our circumstances.

I dug out my phone from my pocket and stared wide-eyed at the screen, reading the message like a hundred times:

800-210-7587

It's Dad. Your mother… she's coming home.

*1: buon pomeriggio = good evening