CHAPTER 7

The first thing I checked the moment I woke up was the presence of a certain brunette. I had to know that last night was real, and it wasn't just a dream. But disappointment dawned me as I tap the space of my bed, Aria was no where to be found. I immediately got up and called her name. "Aria?"

I checked her in my bathroom. "Aria? Are you there?" I called her once again; still no sign.

I went downstairs and found my Mom making breakfast. "Mom."

She turned to look at me. "Aria has classes on Saturdays remember? She left early." My mother stated knowingly.

I sighed in relief. At least it wasn't just a dream. Suddenly my mood was bright again. I walked towards mom and kissed her on her cheek. "Good morning, Mom" I greeted sweetly.

She arched an eyebrow at me. "Someone's in a good mood." She stated.

I just shrugged and smiled at her. "Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What's it about?" she asked me while preparing the plates on the table.

"Well, can I go at the Lopez's place? You know, hang with Santana as usual." I asked hopefully.

"Of course, Dear. Your father and I are going at this hospital meetings anyways."

"All you have to do is listen to your heart, Em." Santana said casually as if it was that easy.

"Are you not listening to what I'm saying? I told you I'm confused, Santana, and so is my heart. So what happens now?" I asked letting out a frustrated sigh.

"I thought you got over Aria?" Santana asked probably confused.

"Probably, that's what I thought so too. But it seemed to me like I'm wrong. I mean, no. I never got over her. I got through with my feelings for her. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" I ranted.

She looked up and then looked at me. "Nope. Not at all."

"You do know you aren't helping that much, right?" I asked frankly but not in an offensive kind of way of course.

She sighed and took a deep breath. "Look, I love Hanna and all but seriously, she hurts you, Em." She looked at me to see my reaction but a gave her a queue to continue. "And when your first love knocks on your door, because she's worried about you and practically risked her safety just to see you and check on you, you don't get to just let that pass."

I smiled at the thought. "Yeah. That was sweet of her. But-"

"See? That look on your face." She pointed out. "That is not a look of someone who got through her feelings with her first love, Em" she stated enthusiastically. I rolled my eyes at her. She just shrugged and continued speaking, "To cut it short, you should give it a try."

I tensed up and gave her a disapproving look. "Are you crazy? When I told Hanna that I was in love with her, I wasn't kidding. I wouldn't let a statement like that out if I weren't a hundred percent sure. I'm in love with Hanna, Santana. I know I'm confused and all but I was always sure that I'm in love with her."

"Then why are you here for again?" she asked rhetorically.

I just looked at her intently. I didn't even know why. I knew in only a matter of time she'd speak what's on her mind again.

"Not everyone gets a chance with their first love you know? I may sound bias, but I'm just speaking the truth. Aria makes you happy, Em. The way I see it, she loves you more than Hanna loves you." She uttered carefully.

"Well that pinched my heart." I said forcing out a chuckle. I didn't like what she said, but if I'm being honest with myself; she's really telling the truth.

"Truth hurts." She shrugged. "Whatever happened to the smart, Emily I know?"

"She fell in love." I whispered…more to myself.

It caused her to laugh silently. She nodded in agreement.

And there was a short silence.

I knit my eyebrows together and stared at her, that caused a confused expression on Santana's side.

"What?" she asked curiously.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked suspiciously.

She tensed up. "What do you mean what's wrong with me?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Or should I rather say, what's right with you?" I said scooting closer to her.

She let out a sarcastic laugh. "Don't you dare project this on me, Emily Fields." She shook her head. "Nope. Not this time. You're the one who's on the hot seat here."

I smirked. I know she's hiding something. I know Santana all too well to not notice. She doesn't sound broken and sad, and that's not something usual since Quinn left.

"Really? We're going through this right now?" she shook her head in disbelief.

"Spill it." I said in total confidence that she's hiding something.

She opened her mouth then closed it again. Her face full of secrets now turned into a one sad expression. "I can't"

"What do you mean you can't?" I knitted my eyebrows in confusion. "You can't or you don't want to?" I asked to reassure.

She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. I know she's trying to hide her sadness but like I said I know her too well. I kept silent. I didn't know what to say since I didn't know what it's about.

"I want to tell you, you know? I want to tell everybody but I can't." she said truthfully.

I nodded. "Well, whenever you can, I'll be willing to listen, okay?"

She smiled at me, sighed and nodded.

There was silence again.

"Hey, Em." She spoke.

"Yeah?" I turned my attention to her.

"Just give it a try, okay?" she looked at me with somewhat pleading eyes. "You always make people around you happy, and that's not wrong at all, but just don't forget to try to make yourself happy too." She ended her speech with a sweet smile. Unusual Santana once again.

I was about to say something but I was cut off by a phone call.

"Sanny, Spencer is on the line!" I heard Mrs. Lopez call out.

"Okay, Mom. Be right there." She shouted back. "I'll be back." She told me then rapidly left the couch towards the telephone.

After a few minutes she came back. She immediately searched for her phone.

"What's up with Spencer?" I asked out of curiosity.

She continued rummaging the couch. "We have to see her, she said she's been texting us. Check your phone."

"What?" I immediately took out my phone from my pocket and saw her texts.

Santana finally found her phone. "I hate myself that put this phone on silent mode."

I dialled Spencer's number for confirmation.

"Em." I hear Spencer say on the other line. It was her unusual tone, a quiet one.

"Hey" I said gently as a start up. "Are you in your house?" I asked concernedly.

"No, I'm at the park. I can't stand it there." She said between what seemed sobs.

I hate her voice right now. I hate that it sounded so fragile and vulnerable and sad. A part of me dies a little inside.

"Spence…" I can't even manage a normal tone. "We'll be there okay? Wait for us."

I can sense that she was nodding right now. "Okay." With that the call ended.

I looked at Santana. "I'll see you in the park." I said and trailed off when she nodded.

I arrived at the park and found a crying Spencer but she wasn't alone. She's with three blondes and a brunette.

I walked towards them after taking a deep breath. I walked directly to Spencer who was crying in Rachel's shoulders. Everyone was trying to console her. I can't handle seeing her like that, it hurts me so much that I didn't know what to say.

Santana and Aria arrived shortly.

I wanted to hate her parents for fighting and hurting each other. I wanted to hate her father for cheating but I couldn't. I don't have the right to.

So I just stood there watching my friend cry her heart out. She wasn't used to this. She grew up having a peaceful and loving family; that's why she grew up such a sweet girl. She always looked up to her parents. She believes that true love exist because of them. And right now, I couldn't imagine what it even feels to be in Spencer's position.

"You're just standing here?" I heard a familiar voice whisper to me.

I turned to my side to see Hanna looking at me knowingly. I just smiled at her.

"Don't know what to say to her? Or do you think there are so many of us already to console her and it's enough for you to just be here?" she asked knowing what's on my mind.

"Both." I half whispered.

She just smiled and just stayed standing beside me.

"You can always stay at our house, Spence. I mean, at least for a while." I heard Rachel say.

"Yeah. I think that would be a good idea right now." Quinn said gently in agreement.

"It's better crying there than here in public, Spencer." Sam added.

After a few talks we went to Rachel's house. Her parents are not always around so I think it's really a good idea if Spencer stays there. Besides, Rachel won't be that lonely.

Rachel served us foods, which Sam helped in preparing.

After a few more chats and attempts in distracting Spencer, which seemed to help a bit, I decided to take my leave. "Spencer, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go now." I asked Spencer's permission, of course if she said no I would definitely stay.

"It's fine, Em." She smiled, assuring me.

"Sorry, Spence. There are just things bothering my mind too…" I said apologetically. I honestly wanted to be here for her, but there are these two people that I couldn't get my mind off.

"I understand, really." She holds my hand and squeezed it. I can feel the stare of three people: Santana, Hanna and Aria on me.

"Em" I heard Aria call me after a few steps from the Berry's right after I turned right to at the corner. She ran towards me. "Is this about last night?"

"I don't know, Aria." I said cannily.

She bit her lip. "I'm sorry about the kiss-"

"What kiss?" Hanna's voice interrupted her.

Both of us tensed up. Both our eyes turned to her. I felt like I was caught red-handed and I didn't know what to say or do. I froze.

Hanna pursed her lips together. Anyone who saw our reaction would most probably suspect. I didn't even know if she has the right to be jealous, I mean, we're not together or anything. But nevertheless I felt guilty. "What kiss?" this time she was looking directly at me. Her voice seemed to almost crack.

Her eyes; they were pleading. As if she wanted me to deny it. Sadness washed over her face.

Aria was waiting for my answer too. Probably, she wanted to see if I'd deny it or anything.

I know the more I kept silent the more both of them will get hurt. "Aria and I shared a kiss last night." I said looking at the ground. There's no use of denying it anyway. She'll find out sooner or later and it might just hurt her more.

She was having an internal battle, I can see it. Hanna was shaking and I didn't even know if I should hold her. She just nodded, holding her tears.

I took a step closer but she turned around. "Hanna." I mentally cursed myself for not being able to say anything else.

"We'll talk tomorrow." I heard her say then she stepped back to Rachel's house.

I felt a tear fall down from my eye. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say." I said directing with no one in particular.

"So did." Aria said, sounding exhausted and stressed. "I shouldn't have brought it up that bluntly."

I wanted to roll my eyes at her. But if this didn't even happen, I didn't even know how to say it to Hanna myself. "Things between us are still confusing for me, Aria. After the kiss, I didn't know where we stand. You said you're sorry about the kiss, do you regret it?"

"No. Because I've been wanting to do that. What I mean to say before was that, I'm sorry about the kiss, for it being so sudden. I had class today so I haven't really had the time to talk to you and straighten it out." She bit her lip. She always does that when she wanted to say something. "Do you regret the kiss? Our kiss."

"My first real kiss with my first real love? Never." I said without batting an eyelash. Because really, I didn't regret it. It was sort of magical while it lasted. It's just that the circumstances, the situation, it messes it all up.

Aria was just standing there like she froze or something.

Then a realization hit me that that was the first time I confessed to her that she was my first love. Well, so much for romance.

Hanna's POV:

I shouldn't have followed her. I didn't even know if I should be happy that I knew the truth. I have the right to be angry right? She told me that she's in love with me and I'm holding on to that. I mean, saying that you love someone is like promising someone that you'd be trustworthy and loyal and faithful right?

I'm mad at her, at both of them but I'm madder at myself. I would have all the right to be angry right now if I was with Emily. I'm angry that I couldn't call her mine. I'm angry of how unsure I am if I have the right to even care.

Emily is single and so is Aria. So there shouldn't be an issue, but I can't help it. I feel that there is this deep pit in my stomach that might just eat me alive. I feel so insecure. They kissed, and that should have been me. I wanted that to be me.

I almost jumped as someone called my name that snapped me out of my trance. "Hanna." I thought for a millisecond that Emily followed me but I recognized that the voice belonged to Santana.

I immediately wiped the tears on my face. "San." I forced out.

"Why are you just standing in front of the entrance door?" Santana asked with a concerned tone. I bet she knew what had happened. She looked at me briefly. "Are you crying?" She stepped outside. I guess she didn't want others to know.

"It's just me being stupid." I reasoned effortlessly.

"Don't be like that." She said sympathetically. "Can you, tell me what happened?" she asked gently not wanting to force me to say something.

"Do you know about me and Emily? And what happened between Aria and Emily?" I asked out of desperation. I need to get this out somehow. And Santana was the best choice for me.

"I can't believe this is happening to us." I heard her whisper to herself.

"Do you want to go inside? Or would you want to just wait here? I'll be back in a minute." She said probably going to bid goodbye to our friends inside.

"I guess I'll just wait here." I said as I tried to smile.

Santana's POV:

I went inside Rachel's house again. It was a good thing Spencer was asleep already. Her head was on Sam's lap. At least I wouldn't feel guilty to leave.

"Santana, where's Aria and Hanna?" Rachel questioned. She was probably worried since the two left without notice.

"Aria's with Emily…" I said to make her at ease.

"And what about Hanna?" she asked out of concern.

"She's outside. We're actually going to leave if that's okay." I asked for their approval. Of course Quinn shoot up her gaze to me. It didn't came up in my mind that she wasn't aware of the current situation, so she'd definitely be curious.

"You're going home with Hanna?" she asked me with an arched eyebrow and a crossed arms. She tilted her head, signaling me that she's waiting for my response.

"Uh…" I can't tell her. I know she's my girlfriend now and all, but this isn't my secret so I don't have any right to tell her. "She's having this headache. Do you want to come with us?" I just hope that would make her less suspicious.

"She has headache? I have pills here. She should rest first. I'll just call her mother in any case." Rachel said in Berry style.

I smiled at her, "She's outside, it's not that serious. She just wants to go home."

"Well, okay. If that's what she wants." Rachel approved.

"You guys sure does act weird today, you know that?" Sam butted in.

Quinn stood up from her seat. "Are you going to be okay here by yourselves?" Quinn asked both Sam and Rachel, ignoring Sam's comment.

They both nodded. "I better carry Spencer to her bed." Sam said as he carried Spencer bridal style.

"Hey!" I called Sam which caused him to turn. "No funny business Sam. Or I swear I'll ends you." I threatened him. It was a joke of course. I know Sam wouldn't do such thing, but it was half meant though, just to be sure. I smirked at him.

He just rolled his eyes at me. "As if." Then he went upstairs towards one of the guest room.

"You better go guys. We'd be fine. Sam's going to stay the night." Rach told us.

Much in my surprise, Hanna was inside the house walking towards us. "Han."

"I texted my mom. Told her I'd stay the night too." She said like wearily.

"Are you okay? Your headache seemed pretty bad." Rachel commented. "Take a seat, okay? I'll get you some medicine."

I looked at Hanna with a puzzled face. I thought we had an understanding that we'd talk. That's the least I could do with my friends. "I thought you wanted to go home, Hanna?"

"I changed my mind. I couldn't take this headache. I want some sleep as soon as possible." She reasoned to me casually.

I sighed. Then as soon I've been aware that Quinn was eyeing me suspiciously. "What?" I whispered to her.

The bad thing is that she didn't say anything to me.

Rachel came back with the water and pills.

"Uhm. Rach, I'm sorry for the effort but can I just get some sleep?" Hanna asked nicely.

"Sure. Are you sure you don't want to drink this?" Hanna drank the water but not the pills. "You can sleep with Spencer upstairs." Hanna nodded and headed up stairs.

"I guess, we're gonna get going." Quinn said sweetly. Then we bid goodbye and started our way home.

"Quinn. Come on, talk to me." I begged my girlfriend. Girlfriend. I still get really happy being able to say that, even just in my mind. It sounded so right in many ways.

"I am speaking to you, Santana." She said coldly.

I held her hand and turned her to face me. "What's wrong?" I pulled her closer to me.

She avoided my eyes. "Nothing."

"Quinnie, I'm sorry if I did anything wrong." I said feigning innocence.

"Don't play dumb with me." Then she pushed me lightly. It would even be much better if she pushed me because she's mad but the thing is that she's just ashamed and she's scared of what people will say. "We're in a public place." She whispered. It hurts, but I'd get what I can.

I wasn't in the mood on being sweet anymore. "I'm sorry." I said, not really meaning it. I would never be sorry for being sweet to her. And for showing little things of my affection to her.

She sighed. "Let's just go home."

Our way back home was unusually silent. Both of us didn't dare to say anything until we arrive at the Fabray's front gate.

"Take care on your way home." She said blankly. But it made my heart feel a little lighter, sensing some care in her words.

I nodded holding back my smile. I turned my back at her to walk home but I couldn't bear with the fact that we're not in good terms. So I decided to talk to her first. "Quinn. I…" she looked at me patiently. "If you're jealous with Hanna, don't be. I'm happy though, you know? Because it made me felt important."

"Don't get used to it, though" She warned me. Trying to hide her smile. "Why would you even go home with her anyway? Without even telling me." She asked without a hint of accusation, just pure curiosity.

"I'm not in the right place to tell you. But Quinn, trust me when I tell you that you're the only girl in my heart." I said sincerely.

My eyes widened when she kissed in the cheek. In front of their house.

She held both my hands. "I'm sorry if we have to keep our relationship a secret. I know it's hard for you. And trust me it's hard for me too. But we're gonna get better. I promise." Just knowing that she's trying is enough to make my heart feel so fluffy.

"I know. As much as I want to let the world know how much I love you, I'd rather keep you to myself, and secretly call you mine. Besides, I'm a little scared that the world might take you from me, I'm sure the world wants someone as beautiful as you too." I smiled sheepishly.

"You're so cheesy it's killing me." She commented as she joined me laughing.

"But seriously. I love you and I'd wait until you're ready, Q. As long as we're both trying, I'm staying." I said with a face of determination and sincerity.

She just smiled with adoration and tenderness in her eyes. "I'm helplessly in love with you, Santana Marie Lopez." She said in an angelic voice.

A/N:

Since it's Christmas break already, I'm able to update sooner than usual, so Yey! :)

I hope you like this chapter guys.

Please drop some comments to keep me motivated ;)

More confrontation in the next chapter by the way...

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