CHAPTER 8

Are the choices you are making going to really make you happy NOW or happy eventually?

Santana's POV:

I really wanted to spend my whole day with Quinn because the weekend is almost over and she's leaving tomorrow. But it's not like I have a choice because it's Sunday. Her half-day of Sundays is always spent in Church. Not that I'm complaining that she so dedicated in church but you can't blame me to be somehow disappointed that I can't be with her for half the day.

I have Sunday requirements too, like waking up at 7 am to be ready for mass. My abuela always make sure that I wouldn't miss Sunday masses. The thing is, I'm Catholic and Quinn isn't so we don't get to see each other at church. Which is okay though because it's less distraction to what I'm really supposed to be doing at church.

Emily, Hanna and Rachel though, go at the same church as my family does, so we get to see each other. Which is great because I have to talk to Hanna. Hence, I approached her right after the mass.

"Let me get this straight, Hanna." I started. "I love you. But I don't love you for Emily…" I look at her to see her reaction but there was sadness and then guilt suddenly dawn me.

But I have to tell her these things so make her think. At least I can say to myself that I did something and I didn't just sit in the corner and watch as both my friends are risking for happiness. "You're that person who wants a Disney fairy tale kind of love story and we both know that it is not going to be the case if ever you choose to be with Emily. So as early as now, tell her if you're going to give it a go or not."

"I know but it's not that easy, Santana." Is all the answer that I got from her. "Look, Emily is…she's something else. These feelings that I feel for her is something that I couldn't articulate just yet. I really feel bad, San, I do…" she looked down and placed her hand on her forehead.

"I don't like you for her, but I like the way you make her feel, Hanna." I looked at her sincerely searching for understanding. "If you're afraid that she'd stop loving you if you let her go, then you're wrong."

Her lips were just pursed. She chose to remain silent. Probably because she doesn't even know what to say.

"I'm sorry if you think that I'm attacking you but Emily has been so nice to us. She makes us happy above all and I want her to be happy too. And it so happens that her happiness depends on the decisions that you make."

"Emily always make me look at a better perspective, you know? And right now, I don't know what to do. Because this is not something that I could just tell to everyone. I'm sure she wouldn't want that." she sounded so broken that made my heart ache. I hate seeing my friends this sad.

I pulled her gently into a hug. "We're here for you. I'm not as good as Emily in giving advice. But I'm here to listen. And I'll try my very best to understand." Next thing I know she was crying. And I almost did too. This whole thing shouldn't be happening. We all are supposed to be happy.

Emily's POV:

I felt nervous as I pressed the doorbell.

After a few seconds Hanna opened the door for me.

She looked so distressed, which caused my heart to die a little inside. She led me to her room.

None of us dared to speak. She wasn't looking at me at all. She was just playing with her fingers until I cleared my throat.

"I didn't meant for the kiss to happen, Hanna." I started.

"I'm sorry for acting like a victim here. I know I'm not in the right position to react like this." She said blankly.

"No. Don't say that please." I stepped closer to her and lifted her chin so we can have an eye contact. I held her right hand with my free one. "You have every right to feel whatever you're feeling. I know we're not dating or anything—but even though you don't think that you belong to me, I know that I'm yours…and I told you that. And even I would feel betrayed if ever that happened to me."

"Let's not talk about the kiss anymore. I understand, Em. I really do." She responded. "I just need you to be completely honest with me." I nodded with anticipation. She took one step away from me. "Are you really in love with me? Or are you just projecting your feelings for Aria to me?" Hurt was evident in her eyes.

"I am deeply in love with you Hanna." I said in all honesty. "But…"

"But." She repeated. "It always scares me when someone says something positive then continues with a 'but', because most of the time, I end up getting hurt." She said in a tone that almost discouraged me to continue. She's different from the one that I call 'My love' before. She's torn and confused and I couldn't handle it. A part of me made me hope that I shouldn't have pursued my feelings for her.

What I realized, is that I wasn't being a good friend anymore. The moment I started loving her the way I do now, I stopped being a good friend to her; I started doing things, not for her but for me. I started doing things not for wanting to fill in her needs, but to get her to love me. I wasn't being a nice friend anymore. And I realized I needed to stop.

"But I don't think, this love that I feel, is what we both need right now." I struggled to say it out loud.

She was shaking her head in disagreement.

"Mr. Friday is going to get hurt. I am hurt and so are you." I said to her truthfully. I wanted to believe otherwise but I'd just fool myself. "This isn't healthy for any of us."

She was shaking her head. "If I tell you now that I love you too, would you stop whatever you're saying and just be with me instead?" her tone was pleading and desperate that it hurts so bad.

I control every ounce in my body not to kiss her and tell her yes. It wouldn't be right to give in. "I can't do that to you." She looked at me puzzled. "I don't want to pressure you, Hanna. I don't want to take advantage of you because if I did, we'd both end up regretting. I know you're confused right now. Feelings really mess up decisions, I know it because I've been there."

"No, Em. I love you. I really do love you." And I was really glad to hear that. Although I always hear that from her, but the feeling never gets old. But it wasn't the answer that I needed.

"I know. And I love you too. And I love Aria and Santana and Quinn and Sam and Rachel and Spencer. Because that's what friends do, Hanna; they love each other. But the thing is, you're not in love me. There is a big difference in loving and being in love. Let's not be confused." I tried to explain as clear as possible, hoping we'll be on the same page.

She stayed silent for a while. We stayed silent for a while. I know she wanted to say something but she refused to. A part of me was disappointed. If only she said that sentence that I wanted to hear ever since I would push away all the fears and regrets and I'd fight for my love.

But she didn't…

A forced smile appeared on her face. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm confused right now, but if ever…you'd still be waiting for me, right?"

There was something in me that sensed hope, because on the way I see it, she's looking forward on the day that she can proudly say the words that I've been wanting to hear from her. "I'd always be here for you, Hanna. I just want to act like a real friend to you; not just some person who wants nothing but for you to love her back. Because that's not the case; I am your friend before I fell in love with you…and I still am." I guess I just need her to be happy. I need one of us to be happy.

Quinn's POV:

I'm in this part of life when I'm with Santana, thinking of how happy I am; these kind of moments where I'm so happy that I'm afraid of the next moment because it couldn't possibly be quite as good.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." That's all I have to say to make the aura not so happy anymore.

"I know." She breathed.

I looked at her keenly. "'I know'? That's all I get?"

"What? You want me to cry? And beg you not to go or something?" she deadpanned. But I know she's just trying to irritate me.

"Well, that's what you always do." I said in response.

She smirked at me. "Oh yeah?"

I nodded while biting my lower lip.

"You're lucky then. You must be very special to me." She has her signature smile in her face that could save the world from the brink of destruction.

"Maybe I am." Holding the smile that she plastered on my face.

Then for a moment she was silent. She was busy with her own thoughts. And I didn't bother disturbing her contemplation. It was an opportunity for me to just stare at her.

Then I felt her hands on mine. "What do you think will happen to us next?" she asked me with a soft smile.

"I honestly don't know. All I know is that I want to deal with things as soon as possible because I don't want to keep you a secret, Santana. You deserve much more than that, because you're someone anyone should be proud to have." And it made my heart flutter equally when I saw that she was touched. I really want to tell everyone, even if they're not asking, but right now…I just can't.

"I'm not rushing you, okay? It's fine. I mean, I'm not saying let's stay as it is, but if you're not ready yet, it's fine." She assured me, squeezing my hand.

"You're not going to find someone else better than me while I'm gone, right?" I said half joking, half serious. I'm not usually insecure but when it comes to Santana, I'm just like this. I know there's a lot of girls that would want her attention.

She scoffed. "Are you serious? I should be the one worrying about that. Yale sweetheart." I laughed at the address.

"If ever anyone would show me any motive, I'd tell them, 'Sorry, but you know what? I already have someone special in my life so better luck next time.' I'd smile then walk away." I assured her, and then she is laughing.

"I love you." She said, followed by a kiss in the forehead. I know she's happy like I am. But I know she's sad at the same time. And she's scared to like I am. "Make sure to text me, okay?"

"Of course. I'd even call you. And this time, there's no reason not to do that now." I said fully aware that I broke that kind of promise before.

Nicholas Sparks said: "The scary thing about distance is that you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget you." But being enveloped in Santana's arms, I'm confident that she'll miss me and I feel that I'm secured.

"I'm not really scared about the distance anymore." She said confidently which puzzled me. "I'm more worried about your parents and my family. I'm more worried about the time that they would have to know. I wouldn't know what to do, if I'd lose you."

Her words, just imagining that it will someday happen is scary enough. The thing is, I can handle all those people that would get in the way, but if it's my parents, that's a different story. "We're going to get past it all, together. If our love isn't enough-" I shook that thought "No. Our love has to be enough."

She smiled at me. It wasn't forced; it was her smile. Though I know the fear is still there. "If something's bound to happen it will, right?"

I nodded.

"Well then, I guess we don't have to worry that much. Because I'm pretty sure I was born to share forever with you." She tried to sound convincing. Well, it really didn't completely made me feel okay but it did make me feel better.

Spencer's POV:

It's amazing how my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, throwing a grenade at my mother, while my father was aiming his gun at me, and Melissa was trying to stab my father, my parents would say we should stop having this public 'discussion'.

One thing for sure, if ever I'd get married someday, I would never fight in front of my kids, because I know I hated seeing my parents fight.

Whatever happened to 'Family…where love begins and never ends'?

"Spencer, where are you going again?" my mother asked. I wanted to be far from home as often as possible, I can't deal with their constant 'discussion'.

"To Rachel's." I lied. "I left my bracelet at her house, Emily gave it to me so…" I trailed off. I didn't want to stay at the house any longer so I left as soon as I can.

I couldn't deal with the drama right now. My head is messed up enough.

I was walking in the streets when I bumped into a familiar shoulder. "Aria!" I immediately wrapped her with a hug.

"Someone's excited to see me." She joked. We both chuckled at the moment. "You out for lunch?"

I shook my head. "No, but that can be compromised."

"Good. Because I'm hungry." She said before she grabbed my hand and practically dragged me to McDonalds.

"Seriously?" I shot her an amused look.

"What? Don't judge. I know you like it here too." She said defensively.

"I know. It's you that I'm surprised about." I answered as we both enter the fast food chain.

We ordered chicken fillet like we usually do, then sat at one of the seats available.

"So…" she started the conversation.

"The war at home isn't over yet apparently." I answered knowing what her concern is.

"They're going to work things out. Your parents are the sweetest, they love each other, believe me." She said trying to comfort me.

"Why would he kiss whoever that woman is, if he really loves my mom?" I said with bitterness. You can't blame me though, I really looked up to them. They were the reason why I believed that someone could find true love, and now, that belief fell apart.

"I couldn't answer that." And I gave her a 'see?'-look. "But people make mistakes, if Uncle Peter doesn't love your mom and you, he would've left you, but he didn't." she has a point there, but I brushed it away because right now, I'm just mad.

"Whatever. Can we please not talk about this now. This has been our topic yesterday at Rachel's, and it's really stressing me out." I know she wanted to protest but chose not too. When she didn't speak anymore I tried to open another topic. "How about you? Are you getting along with life?"

She looked at me and stopped eating. "Not really."

"Explains why you eat too much." I teased which made her glare at me. I just smiled sweetly at her. "Why? What's wrong?"

She sighed deeply. "Well, first off, I kissed someone…" that caught me off guard but it drew my attention more. "Which is my first kiss."

"You? Initiated the kiss?" I made sure because I swear, if anyone took advantage of my friends I'll have them arrested. When she nodded I was relieved. "What's wrong with that?"

"I think the said person is…" I can see some hesitation in her face. I was about to say that it's okay and all that but she continued. "I think that said person is committed to someone else." Well that's awkward, the plot is familiar but it's not like my friend is going to ruin a family.

I tried to think of any response. I cleared my throat first. "I guess, when you fall in love with someone who belongs to someone else, acknowledging the truth is painful; the more you know that they love each other, the more painful it gets. And it would be more painful if you choose to interfere." I'm not being bias at all. I'm not good at these kinds because I've never been in love, so I said what I think is the right thing. "You have to keep the feelings inside. Waiting for that person you love to notice that you're right there."

I could see tears threatening to fall from her eyes, and I felt really sad. I want to hug her but the table is between us and I know she's trying really hard not to make me see that my words stung her. "I'm so wrong, huh?" is the response she came up with.

"Maybe it's just the wrong timing." I tried to comfort her. She gave me a half smile.

"They are not together, Spence. But, the person that I want is in love with someone that loves someone else too." She said forking her chicken.

I caressed my temple. "You know I only know little about those things, Aria. I'm sorry. You know what, you could seek help to Emily. You know that girl is like some genius hermit in giving advice." I smiled at the thought of Emily. It's like she always know the best things to say. Aria on the other hand almost choked on her food. "Are you okay?" I asked concerned while giving her drink as I chuckle. "Take it easy. No one's going to steal your food." I joked.

"Shut up, Spencer." She said when she found her composure back. "Thank you for the concern." She rolled her eyes sarcastically.

I laughed. "But seriously though, talk to, Em."

It was her turn to laugh, although I didn't know what is so funny about what I said when I used the word 'seriously'.

"She's busy, as of the moment." She said briefly.

"So you tried talking to the love guru." I concluded. "I'm sure she'll make time for you like she always does." I said confidently. If there's someone I believe that will be there for me whenever, it's Emily. She's a good friend like that.

"I'll put that into consideration." She whispered while chewing her food.

I smiled at Aria's cuteness. "Does anyone ever tell you not to talk when your mouth is full?"

"Well excuse me. When did my mother possessed you?" she responded that made us both laugh.

Life isn't so harsh after all; because somewhere along the way, I met my best friends. And with them it's like nothing can go wrong. They are one of the reasons I couldn't not thank God that I'm very blessed.

As of this moment, my friends are the glue that keeps me whole and refrains my life from falling apart. For a moment, thank God I bumped into Aria, I forgot that I had my own problems…

A/N:

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