...

With a loud exhalation Caroline finally slumped down on the couch at home. She was ridiculously exhausted.

After chasing down almost a whole hospital staff, including a few patients here and there that had already picked up on the rumors of a vampire in the building, she had been ready to call it a day. But then she'd also had to take care of her daughters, and as was typical of small children, they hadn't cared one bit that mommy was tired and wanted to rest.

So she had ended up taking them to the ice cream parlor - big mistake - to hang out with Stefan for a bit while he was still in town. That had left her with two girls on a sugar high and a surely false hope that maybe she and Stefan might still have a chance. She shook her head, and buried her face in her hands. Why did she do this to herself?

The kids were finally in bed, she had helped Alaric tuck them in, but then she had left to go home and now here she was, tired and alone. It sucked to be a part time mom.

She sighed. Elena was going to get married soon. Bonnie just had her baby - and turned into a vampire.

She felt left out. She knew it was pathetic and selfish. But when both your best friends were moving on and experiencing such exciting things - involving a significant other - a girl could be excused wishing for a special someone for herself. Right? Why did this have to be so difficult? Why did Stefan have to come back? She knew she couldn't really have him. He was human now and couldn't be turned because of the cure.

Alaric was super sweet and a little clueless, just as usual. But boyfriend material?

She rolled her neck and pulled her legs up. This kind of screamed for some cheesy TV show and popcorn. Except, she also didn't have any food in the house. Two lonely bloodbags were all that was left. She made up her mind. She didn't want to be alone, she didn't have to be alone. She would just go and hang out with a friend. And since her girlfriends were both busy having actual lives involving other people, she decided she'd go over to the Lockwood mansion and see whether good old dependable Matt was home.

It turned out that he was, she soon realized, but he was not alone at all…

"Jeremy!" Caroline started as she saw Elena's brother open the door. "What are you doing here?" She knew it didn't sound very friendly, but she couldn't take the words back.

Jeremy laughed. "Well, what are you doing here?" he asked her in return, but opened the door wider so that she could walk in past him.

"Is Matt…"

"He's here, ya, but I made the mistake of bringing my, uh, 'coworker' with me and now they kinda only seem to have eyes for each other," he chuckled, "I guess this time you're the godsend. Please save me from a night spent as the third wheel."

Oh, Caroline thought. She felt a bit awkward when she realized that part of the reason she had come all the way out here was that she had been sure Matt would be alone. So that he could pay attention to her…

"So…," she began, searching for words, "does that mean I'm in a house with two vampire hunters now?"

"We only hunt the bad ones." Jeremy suddenly looked serious, strangely so.

Caroline playfully slapped him, then followed him deeper into the big building. She caught a glimpse of Matt in the living room, half laying on the couch, entwined with a wiry redhead.

"Oh," she made, and Jeremy rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I've kind of been hiding out in the backyard. It's a bit cold, but," he cleared his throat, "I promised Amber I'd drive her back over to her hotel. She, uh, she initially came here to… visit me."

"Check on you, you mean?" Caroline bit her lip. Why did she always do something like that? Talk before she'd finished thinking. Jeremy looked a little embarrassed, then nodded.

"I guess…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot or anything. I just figured you'd be expected to return somewhere, and, well, you've stayed here a while now. So…" She smiled warmly at him.

They'd reached the backyard. There was a nice large bench with a blanket, and the fire in the pit was going. There was a pretty used looking thick journal lying open on the small wire table by the side.

"Yeah, I know. The cool kids use their phones and tablets," he grinned, but sobered when Caroline picked the book up and flipped to the first page.

"Vampirism and The Soul. A Study on Vampire Emotions and Pain Tolerance," she read and grimaced, then looked at Jeremy. "This has been used a lot…"

He was quick to say," Not by me, if that's what you were wondering. I just discovered it with a few of my dad's things… I don't know where he kept it before, since it wasn't with those other things we had found before. We found it at that… place."

"Please tell me you didn't let those people go, Jer," Caroline interrupted him and he looked at her, appalled.

"What?! No, geez. No."

"Good," she said, then, "What exactly is it about? And try to give me the PG version."

He cleared his throat. Running a hand through his hair and grimacing, he contemplated what to tell her, and started, "It's…" He didn't know how best to say it. "It's mostly about Enzo; there's some stuff about Damon. A few other names..."

Caroline stared at him. Shocked, disgusted. "They wrote a book about it? About what they did to them?!" She looked ready to punch something, then took a deep breath to calm herself down. "And you're casually reading it by a fire," she stated; it was not a question.

He rubbed his temple, "I know, I know. I was… I was thinking of bringing it over to them, you know, Bonnie and Enzo. But."

"That'd be kind of awkward?"

He looked at her, scrutinizing her.

"Something like that."

"Right."

Suddenly she felt a lot colder. This was not exactly the kind of light conversation she had hoped for. There was a book about her best friends' boyfriends' - her friend's - horrific traumatic past experiences. And Jeremy was reading it. She wasn't sure what that meant, and she wasn't sure whether it was just because she was a vampire, too, but she felt violated on her fellow vampires' behalfs.

He looked at her, unsure. "I'm not reading it for 'pleasure,' you know that, right?"

They were both still standing there, neither of them had moved to sit down. It was as if Caroline's discovery of the journal had somehow frozen everything. Caroline raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. She gave Jeremy a long look, trying to see more behind his guarded expression.

"What then are you reading it for?" she finally asked and she saw him take a deep breath.

"I… needed to see what my dad's part in all of this was. I needed to see what kind of a man he was." He paused, his expression lost and upset, "You know," he continued, his voice gravelly, "Elena, she can at least say that she isn't his biological child. But I have no excuse and I… I don't know, I guess I want to make sure that I'm not somehow following in his footsteps. I'm already a vampire hunter, which is kind of crazy considering who I've called my friends - and family. But… What if I have that in me, Caroline? What if I…"

He broke off and she suddenly understood. "Jer, don't do that to yourself. We've not exactly been super close, but you're my best friend's little brother and I know you. You are a sweet soul, Jeremy Gilbert. You won't turn into your father." She looked at him, she touched his arm lightly to make him look at her, "Whatever made him do those things, it's not your destiny. It's not genetic. Okay?"

He nodded, but she could see that he wasn't convinced. This was going to be a long night…

"Come on, let's sit down a bit," she finally suggested and went over to the bench. Reluctantly, he followed and sat down next to her.

There they sat silently for a long time…

...

It was a pretty quiet evening - again. Nothing exciting was happening; nothing involving any supernatural occurrences, and not even anything "humanly exciting." With Elena having started studying again, Damon sat alone in the big house, moping.

He'd said goodbye to Stefan earlier, who was now on his way back to stupid Katherine, and Damon was left to pace his home alone.

Apparently today was not a good day for him. He had one or two of those a month. In those moments, his changed life situation suddenly caught up with him and he had a hard time figuring out how to be a normal human again.

He sighed. It was not like he wasn't happy, because he was. He had Elena, he was going to marry her in roughly six months. They had agreed to give it that much time. That way, Caroline would have enough time helping them plan an amazing event.

They didn't want to do the one year engagement thing. Because that was just ridiculously old fashioned, and they simply couldn't wait that long.

Being happy still didn't mean that giving up his exhilarating dangerous lifestyle was always easy. Today he just really kinda missed it. So when the doorbell unexpectedly rang, he was almost excited to see who it was. And that excitement grew when he spotted Alaric Saltzman with a six pack of beer and a tired looking grin in front of his door.

"Can I interest you in some beer and guy talk?" he said, and Damon reciprocated the grin.

"Guy talk, huh? Does that mean girl trouble?" he queried and earned himself a glare that he happily ignored. "Come on in, Professor," he motioned him inside, "let's open those precious bottles."

With a sigh and a hanging head, Ric folllowed him through to the living room, where both men quickly slumped down into the cushions of opposing couches. Alaric opened one bottle with the help of the other while Damon eyed him curiously.

"You know, I have a bottle opener or two. No need to go all frat boy style."

Alaric grimaced, then grinned. "Right. Sorry. I'm… not thinking straight lately."

"Jo? Or Caroline? Or the little princesses?" Damon asked and grabbed a beer from his friend to take a first sip.

"Where's Elena?" Ric looked at him as if he needed a go ahead. He wouldn't talk shop if Elena was around so it must be about Caroline, Damon figured.

"Hospital. So… what's going on with Alaric Saltzman?"

The other man hung his head. He rubbed his eyes with one hand, squeezing his thumb and index finger into them as if to gauge them out. Damon cocked his head. "That bad?"

"It's just… I don't know. The whole thing with Jo threw me off for a while, but lately I feel like… you know, I want the girls to have a happy family, I always knew there would be no chance for 'conventional' family life, but… I don't know-"

"You still love Caroline, and she still doesn't love you." It was that simple. Yet Damon knew all too much that it really wasn't actually all that simple when you were in such a situation.

Ric looked at him. "I'm pathetic, I know. Which is why I'm here. I need distraction and perspective. - Tell me how human life is treating you."

…

There was a long pause before Damon finally decided that, if anyone, Ric would be the one to understand him.

He sighed. "I miss it, you know?"

Both men took a sip. Alaric nodded, but didn't say anything.

"I mean," Damon continued, "I should be glad. I get to be human without having needed the cure. I get to be human with my girl and I'm getting married in six months! I got the bar, which may not be super profitable yet, but we're also not losing money and it keeps me busy." He paused, thinking.

"It's not enough, eh? You miss the freedom. The adventure. The shady characters."

Damon had to grin. "You get me, Ricky. Just as always."

Alaric flinched at the nickname. "Can we just… can you please stop using that name?"

Damon rolled his eyes. "I'm telling you about my troubles with adjusting to mundane human life, and you are whining about mundane things?"

"Ya ya…" Ric, in turn, rolled his eyes, but soon they were back to serious talk and on to their second bottles.

"Do you want to go back? To being a vampire?"

"Nah. I mean. It's not what Elena wants, and my life is with her now. I've lived a good long life and while the not aging part is pretty awesome, it can get tiring. But…" Damon bit the inside of his lip. This was hard to admit. He wasn't sure he should. Then again, this was Ric… "This probably sounds stupid, but I always kinda pictured me and Stefan going through all this together. Of course chances were pretty much nonexistent that we'd even both get to be human again, and then at the same time, too, so we lucked out there, thanks to Bon Bon…" He trailed off and caught his friend's sympathetic stare.

"But instead of figuring life out here with you, he's doing it with Katherine."

That name. Damon scowled at hearing it. It was enough of an answer for Ric. He handed Damon the third bottle, then asked, "Did you ever tell him that?"

"Of course not! I don't want it to get to his head! You know how he likes to pretend he's the center of the universe and the sole reason for both my misery and my happiness. So, no. And I don't plan on changing that."

Alaric took his friend in. Damon was staring at his bottle, but not drinking anymore. Whatever he tried to make himself believe, Ric knew that Stefan was kind of right. Damon's state of happiness always had a lot to do with his brother. He sighed.

"Time for a glass of bourbon to wash this beer down?"

"Nah," Damon made, surprising the other man. "I think I'm good. I don't want to be completely wasted when Elena gets home later. She's having a long night and I totally plan on making her my famous pancakes for breakfast. - But I'll pour you one?"

Ric smiled. All was definitely not lost yet with Damon Salvatore.

"That's alright," he grumbled, "I should probably head home anyways. Caroline is watching the girls tonight, but I'll have to take over in the morning. And I got a class, so…" He got up to leave, then grinned at his friend.

"You'll be alright, Damon. I know you will. Just give it time."

"You too, Professor. You too…"

...

When Stefan had gotten ready for his trip to Mystic Falls, Katherine had been upset. Upset that he didn't want her to come, upset that he had a life outside of their shared one, upset that he got to go out at all.

So she had packed a suitcase full of stuff and gotten ready to go to New York.

"I'll have to do something to lift my spirits while you're out strolling through your old home turf," she'd announced and was gone before he'd even been able to say anything. There hadn't even been a kiss goodbye, a detail that she regretted immensely now.

New York was fun. It was big, bustling with life. It was bright and dark and dangerous all at the same time. And it offered her a random sense of peace that she hadn't had back in that small town with Stefan.

Or even before, in Mystic Falls. Or anywhere.

This, then, could become her city.

She had made a decision. Three nights ago. She had gotten off the phone with Stefan and she had realized something.

She always loved him. She always would. But deep down, she loved herself just a tad bit more… She was aware that that wasn't necessarily a great character trait, and she wouldn't tell anyone that point blank. But it was what it was. It was who she was.

She wanted to be loved, yes! She thrived around men - and women - devoting themselves to her, giving themselves up for her. She wallowed in the attention of men fighting for her attention. It had been part of the reason why she'd gotten herself entangled with those handsome Salvatore brothers to begin with.

But what she needed to be happy was more than that.

She couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't meant for a boring happy small town life, as the girlfriend or fiancée or wife of an auto mechanic.

Katharina Petrova - Katherine Pierce - was meant for power. And power she'd find. Here, in New York.

…

So when Stefan came home after a good long stay at his brother's, he found the drawers empty, the reach-in-closet cleared out but for his few belongings, the TV repaired and with a post-it saying, "I'm sorry I broke it," and a sealed envelope that he couldn't bring himself to read just yet.

He had given up everything to be with her. Again. And she had left him.

Katherine Pierce was gone.

...

After the first few days, Bonnie felt like she was finally getting the hang of being a vampire. But not of being a mom.

James was crying so much, nothing seemed to console him, unless she carried him around all day. She couldn't breastfeed him because she was a vampire, and she was always so afraid she'd break his little limbs when she tried to put a diaper and new clothes on him.

So after the first two weeks of little sleep and lots of baby crying, she finally broke down crying, and Enzo, who had been working, came home to her weeping unshowered mess and gave her a look so full of love and compassion that it just made her cry even harder.

"I'm so sorry," was all she could say for a while, as he sat down next to her immediately, giving her a sideways hug and holding her there.

"I feel like I'm failing. Maybe I just wasn't meant to be a mother. I can't breastfeed him - and I always thought that that's what I'd be doing. Now the stupid formula makes him all gassy and he's just crying so much. I can't do anything right. I still don't know how to change a diaper properly without it taking 15 minutes. I haven't done laundry for over a week, and I haven't showered since the day before yesterday!" She was rambling, she couldn't stop.

But then she felt his hands on her cheeks and his kiss in her hair, before he moved to gently take little Jamey from her, and said, "You're doing amazing, love. Especially considering it's only been two weeks since you had a baby, died, and came back. I'm so sorry you don't get to breastfeed him like you wanted, but that does not make you less of a mother. Look at him. He's thriving. He got all your love, your everything." He looked at her, wiping away her tears, and smiled.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here enough… Let me talk to Damon and sort out a better plan for work. - But for now, I got him, love, we'll have some father - son time, while you get some much needed rest."

She looked at him, how he was cradling their baby, so naturally, as if he was born to be a dad. His dark hair, dark eyes, that smile on his face… he was so handsome, yet what made him the sexiest man alive to her was how great he was as a father.

She kissed him, then made her way to the shower, finally. A few blissful moments to herself. "Take all the time you need, love," he called to her at some point. And she did.

…

Hours later she woke up with a start, panicking. She shot a quick glance at her phone, it was ten hours later. Ten hours! And the middle of the night. She slept through at least four feedings, she was the worst mother on the planet!

But when she got to the living room, she found James in freshly laundered clean smelling footie pajamas, sleeping splayed out on his dad, who, in turn, had closed his eyes, but was singing a very quiet song to his baby, an empty baby bottle lying beside them on the couch.

There was a basket of folded laundry by his feet, and he'd set up a make shift changing station with a bathtowel on the floor, some wipes and a diaper pail.

She felt like her heart was going to explode with love. How on earth had she managed to get that man to be hers? How had she not known that this was in him?

She remembered the first few interactions she'd had with him, how he had annoyed her. Now here he was, with her, the most beautiful person she had ever seen.

When she got closer, he opened his eyes without changing his position.

"I know this is not considered a safe sleeping situation," he apologized, "but it seemed to be the only way he'd actually stop crying and sleep."

"I know," she muttered as she sat down next to her little family, smiling, and she gently kissed them both.

"He's just had a bottle, but you must be starving… I got some more bloodbags. They're in the freezer..." He made a face at her, but she smiled at him mildly. While it was slowly getting better, he still didn't quite forgive himself for turning her.

"I hope you got some rest," he muttered, and he sounded very tired himself.

"Ten hours." She sounded proud. Smiling, she told him, "Your turn, babe. You worked all night and then took care of the baby, let me take over again now."

"I'm good," he muttered, "besides, I don't want him to wake up just yet…" But she could tell that he was fighting sleep. She sighed. She knew James was not the only reason why he did…

"Let me just… drink something and then I'll sit with you, okay?" She therefore said, and he smiled at her, nodding.

She'd be watching over both of them while they got at least a few more minutes of sleep.

"I love you, Lorenzo St. John. Thank you for being so great," she muttered later, when she thought he was asleep, but he still heard her and muttered, "I love you, Bonnie Bennett."

...

...

Six months from now

...

Damon was sitting at a table at his bar. Opposite him, Matt was trying to explain something about some numbers not adding up, some debt they'd need to pay soon, or maybe someone needed to pay them? Damon couldn't quite follow. He was really looking forward to Enzo returning to help them with accounting. Which, hopefully, he'd soon do.

"Are you listening?" Matt scowled as Damon was jolted out of his thoughts.

Damon was staring at the other man, suddenly deeply mesmerized by the pulsing vein on the side of his neck. The longer he stared, the more he felt a strange appetite, a hunger.

He shook his head as if to get the thoughts out. What the hell was going on with him all of a sudden? It was not like he was a vampire anymore, so…

"Geez, Damon. Are you with me at all?"

"Huh?"

Matt glared at him, clearly annoyed. He couldn't blame him.

"Sorry, Donovan," he allowed, then pulled himself up by placing his hands on the table. "I'm… a little thirsty. I'm gonna get a water. Want anything?"

Matt shook his head. "I'm good. - Listen," he said, a sudden mild expression on his face, "if you can't concentrate on this right now, I get it. The wedding is in three days, right? You probably got your head full of other stuff. Maybe I can talk to these people, ask for a few days extra, so that I can look this over with Enzo when he's back." He paused. "He will be back soon, right?"

Damon chuckled at seeing the slight desperation in Matt's face.

"I hope so," he allowed. "If Bon Bon lets him. - Come on. Let's give it one more try."

Matt agreed, even though Damon could tell he was not very happy about it.

The two of them had a strange relationship, he thought. They were respectful, rather than friendly, they - or at least Matt - had a certain wariness about him when they were actually doing something together, but mostly, Matt worked when Damon wasn't there, or he worked with Enzo.

Still, Damon trusted him with his bar in a way he hadn't trusted anyone else. He knew Matt was in it with his heart. And that's what he needed.

He grabbed himself a big glass of water and chugged half of it standing, seeing Matt frown at him. "You okay, man?" He asked, and Damon put on his best grin and said, "Why wouldn't I be. I'm getting married to the most beautiful perfect girl on Saturday! Come on, talk me through this again."

But when he sat back down, excited that he was finally able to concentrate on what Matt had to show him, his mind started playing tricks on him again. The water in his glass… had turned to blood. He quickly shot Matt a glance, but he didn't seem to notice anything.

"What?" He asked, and Damon picked up the glass to show him.

"Does this look… off to you?"

Matt's frown only deepened. "Looks like water to me. Why?"

Damon raised a finger and smirked at him, eyebrows raised up high. "Let me just… excuse me, I think I need to make a quick call."

He pulled out his phone, Matt's eyes on him, and dialed. He waited. Waited longer…

"Geez, Damon, I'm in the middle of a diaper change. I told you, if I don't answer right away, it means I'm busy and will get back to you asap. - Don't let it ring for friggin' ever! This better be good…"

"Good to hear you too, Bon Bon. Hey, can we talk about your magic blast again? Because I think my vampire side may be coming through again…"

...

Thanks for reading! And special thanks to shadowdancer and ironcrusher! You make this so much more enjoyable. :)

ironcrusher: how could I not? I've always loved "fatherly Alaric" with Elena.

shadowdancer: thanks! I'm glad it's working then. You're right about Bonenzo: they're finally together and together they can conquer anything.

Also very true about Damon and Stefan. I loved Damon's development on the show, suddenly having people to care about deeply, but I always felt like they could have shown Stefan struggle with it more, especially since he doesn't really ever seem to have anyone other than his current love interest. Which is why I loved the brief scene with Lexi… He needed someone, too.

Anyways. None of this would have happened without some of these super thoughtful invested reviews. Thanks!

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