37. Aftermath
Are you sure, Sapphy?
Only if you are.
"Garnet, what's happening?" It was Pearl, still trying her best to keep Amethyst from bumping around too much as they finally came to the surface. There wasn't any light that made it through the green metal, but there were sounds again. They were all exchanging nervous glances, unsure of what was beyond – well, Garnet was very sure, but right now she needed to play the part.
"I have a plan." The fusion considered if they should wait or try to bust out – Amethyst might get hurt with the latter approach, so she directed accordingly.
"I don't think they'll be aggressive, but let's let them come to us. I will be safer that way, for Amethyst." She nodded towards the purple gem, the reasoning sound enough, so no one challenged her.
Everything happened predictably after that, as much as it hurt Garnet to sit by and remain compliant.
When the hatch was torn open, there were a White Quartz soldiers, shocked gasps from the Gems, followed by a defeated exodus to the space dock that Sugilite had more-or-less destroyed. The only noteworthy thing was how eerily quiet things were across Homeworld, especially after the last time they had been on the surface; Blue and Yellow's madness had definitely faded. Now, everything felt dead, and, by extension, so did they. Peridot volunteered to carry Connie in Prehnite's bubble, but it was pretty macabre so she tried to busy her mind with other things.
Pearl had to constantly resist the urge to try to whisper to Garnet, wondering where she was going with this plan, because it really didn't seem like a plan at all, but she had put her trust in Garnet for thousands of years so she bit her tongue.
Eventually, after maybe thirty minutes of travel with their military escort, they were tucked away onto a Roaming Eye. Two Quartz soldiers from their original escort stood at the door outside, while a Peridot made adjustments to the autopilot within. The star-bearing Peridot eyed her suspiciously as she spoke to Lapis.
"One course to the Earth colony, then the ship immediately returns to Homeworld," said the green, limb-enhanced gem. She directed her statement at the blue gem, the rest of them too much of a sore-sight for her attention: a Pearl, a cross-fusion, a limbless Peridot, and a defective Amethyst.
Lapis was just gazing at her, eyes wide with inexplicable anger, like another word might send her into a murderous rampage (which, it might) so the Peridot was resigned to hurry off the ship behind the Quartz soldiers. The door sealed shut after, and they all jumped into action.
TheirPeridot spoke first, animate as ever. "Okay, Garnet, what's the plan?!" Somehow, she even managed to sound excited. Lapis had moved nearby and was holding her hand, but the blue gem said nothing.
Pearl blinked a few times, thinking, noting the ground start to shake slightly as the engine turned on. "Garnet… what is the plan?"
The cross-fusion had turned her back to them, though, looking out the window as they started to move.
"The plan is… to go home."
/
"You are dismissed, Pearl."
White Pearl promptly turned on her heel and headed out a side-door, leaving Opalite on the ground breathing heavily. With each inhale, the fusion winced in pain; being bubbled had not been difficult, relieving the strain on their Rose Quartz gemstone in a sort of stasis, but this was agonizing.
Get up – this is what we're talking about.
You're making me look weak.
I'm… trying…
Disappointing, as always.
They were on their knees at the foot of White Diamond's throne, escorted here punctually by her Pearl – who, Steven could now no longer ignore, must have been just like his Pearl before the war. Had he the ability right now, Opalite might have lingered on the subject longer, but they were trying to focus through their discomfort.
"Was it worth it, Steven?" Their Diamond's voice was sharp, unamused.
No.
Not really.
Stop it – yes.
"I-I, yes. They needed to leave... my Diamond." They hissed out the words, looking up at her. White Diamond wasn't even bothering to return their gaze, examining ambiguous shards in a bubble that Pearl had brought; they couldn't tell what color they were with their vision obscured.
Her lips were pursued, but otherwise, her face was unreadable. "I don't know if it was, though."
None of them really knew what that meant, so they just waited, trying to stay very still.
The room was silent except for their ragged breathing, White Diamond sitting at her throne as elegant and intimidating as a god. The room was white, Opalite knew, but it all looked pink – so, so much pink. It was like the execution, but everything felt inverted, because White Diamond wasn't shattered, the gems weren't hopelessly lost across Homeworld, and he wasn't alone – even if he wanted to be.
Don't act like a victim, you wanted this.
I'm not – it doesn't mean I have to like it.
Stop it, both of you.
They had never been more at odds – except when they had shattered and separated the first time – and now Opalite couldn't agree on anything. Every thought was biting, lined with venom, infused with pain. Holly Blue had quickly gone from mourning Blue Diamond to blaming Steven, which made their head pound painfully. Steven was already harboring so much guilt about everything – Dani, Connie, the take down three Diamonds he had been a part of, leaving the Crystal Gems, agreeing to this… His mind was wearing under the strain, every new feeling morphing obscenely until it settled onto the pile of his mistakes.
They are your mistakes, and you've dragged me into them to.
You drag everyone down with you.
I-I know. It's not like I want that, though.
Don't you, though? Didn't you want this?
Didn't you want to be us?
…
"Unfuse, now."
Holly Blue's eyes nearly rolled back in her head with relief, and in an automatic response, they flew apart. White Diamond caught Steven before he hit anything, bubbling him lightly once again – she could tell he must be hurting, badly, or else she would not have bothered.
Shaking her head, Holly Blue Agate managed to laugh, a disturbing lack in that echoed around the room. "I – phew – my apologies, your Grand Omnipotence. It is an adjustment to return from a partially organic body; it is quite a hindrance."
Steven would have rolled his eyes if he cared enough, but he didn't. Right now, his body was just entirely exhausted. This whole ordeal had been too much, he had lost too many people, he needed rest. How long had it been since he slept, or ate? It was impossible to tell time in the Kindergarten, it could have been hours or days, and his body made it feel like it could have been weeks. Steven wanted so badly to just eat something, to curl up and maybe cry for a while, to sleep.
What he did not need is for White Diamond to lift him up to her face again, looking ready to launch into a lecture.
Her eyes were aglow, flashing with such malevolence Steven flinched. "You have wronged me not once, Steven, but twice now. Not only did you fail to complete your assignment," she looked from him for a moment to the bubble in her other hand, and Steven was relieved to have just a moment's pause. It felt like his heart had stopped beating, if only he had been so lucky.
She returned her piercing stare to him. "But you ridiculed me – threats, interruptions, insubordination. Were you not so valuable, I would crush you without a second thought."
Steven tried to look away from he, but she just moved him closer to her face, now only inches away. He was vaguely aware that Holly Blue Agate was still somewhere nearby, not one to leave without being dismissed.
"I had hoped we could be cordial, Steven, and I have faith that in time that can come to pass. In time… you will learn to appreciate mercy. You are too young to understand. But, I will make it one of our first lessons, Steven, so you can really think about whether or not it was worth it, to cross me."
The words billowed like storm clouds in the room, crashing and echoing with threats and danger. Steven swallowed hard at his dry throat, his mind sinking at what she might possibly mean.
/
Pearl had entrusted Amethyst's flickering form to Peridot for a time, which seemed to cheer them both up – at least they could try to give each other comfort right now, because Pearl was not in a comforting mood.
Her hands were shaking, her brow furrowed, but her cheeks were dry. She just sat in one of the pilot seats, watching the universe fly past them, gritting her teeth in silence. The conversation from earlier was still ringing in her ears, blocking out the world around them.
"What do you mean we're going back to Earth? Have you – what?"
It was Lapis who said that, too surprised and angered to formulate words, but Pearl had picked up where the blue gem had left off. Maybe she had known the whole time, the moment something had seemed off about Garnet she should have intervened – she was going to willingly leave Steven behind, and everyone else was going to return to Earth. It was something Rose would have done to save her team, Pearl should have seen it miles away even without future vision, but still…
"Garnet, you can't mean this. We have to go back – we, Steven, he's trapped in a fusion! You should realize what that means better than anyone."
Behind the visor, Pearl could tell her words hurt, and she was glad for that. This was outrageous.
"Steven… made the choice, not me. I could lead us all to die, and we would still fail him; or, we could try to do right by his, by Rose's, legacy, and continue to protect the Earth. I… I didn't want this, Pearl."
No, of course not.
"But Garnet – we came all this way, we… we fought so hard. C-Connie…" her voice had choked up, eyes involuntarily flickering over to the shining turquoise bubble. Still, just remembering, Pearl hugged her arms tightly and felt tears line her eyes. How did she let this happen?
That had broken Garnet, too, and her Ruby started to really show. "I know Pearl! Don't you… don't you think I hate this, too? But it's what Rose, it's what she would have wanted. You have to know that!"
Pearl's heart had already been broken, did it really help for Garnet to smash the shards of what remained into dust?
"DON'T try to tell me what Rose would have wanted. Do you think ROSE would have wanted her son to die, to give himself to Homeworld because we failed, Garnet? Is that what you think?"
The fusion had turned away from Pearl then, her hands clenched into fists and her head down. Pearl knew she was being hurtful, but right now, she didn't care – how could Garnet give up so easily? She had led them to space knowing the odds had been poor, but they hadn't given up in spite of everything. Now she was forcing their surrender.
Amethyst spoke up, her voice several octaves higher than normal as the crack in her gemstone continued to send her body into a spiral.
"Why can't you… both… STOP? Can't you just shut up about Rose for one second?Or did you forget, she's freakin' DEAD. What about what Steven wanted? Do you think STEVEN would have wanted you to… fight?"
The purple gem's voice cracked, and Pearl looked down to realize she had started to cry. Amethyst… Part of the white gem now, sitting there, wanted to take her purple companion into her arms and hug her tightly, to apologize, but right now she couldn't. She was just… too furious, too hurt, too disturbed by all that had happened.
It was at that point that Peridot had come between them, leaving Lapis to herself for a moment. "P-Pearl, why don't I hold Amethyst, for now? Your arms are probably…tired?"
She didn't sound very convincing, but Pearl could see she was just causing Amethyst more grief, so she gently transferred her to the green gem to hold.
And after that, no one spoke to anybody. Lapis sat alone, Garnet looked out one window into space, Pearl looked out another. Peridot held Amethyst awkwardly in her small arms, but they both seemed glad for each other's company while the others stewed in their anger.
Of course, Amethyst and Peridot were both coming apart internally, but they couldn't even express those feelings right now. Peridot was the least traumatized of all of them, so she had stepped up to take some charge while they were all hopelessly lost in their defeat – they needed someone to be a voice of reason, to at least not fall apart completely, but her usual fervor had gone, her confidence evaporating with the tension in the bay.
Amethyst was having a very dark conversation with herself, but the others were being so selfish right now she didn't even have the chance to vocalize her feelings – aside from yelling at Pearl and Garnet. A large part of her was hurt that Garnet chose not to even include them in the decision to leave, and she could see why Pearl was disappointed and angry, but… they had all been there in the Kindergarten, they had all seen what Steven had done, heard what he said. Leaving him behind – thinking about abandoning him – made her insides twist with guilt and anger, but then, why should she feel that way? Were they leaving him behind at all? There was no trace of Steven in there anymore, he was as good as dead, Lapis had been right in the beginning.
And then there was the blame-game, volleyed around between the five of them silently. They were all old enough (literally) to realize that it was no one person's fault, but the instinct felt natural to deal with their pain. For Amethyst, it came back to Pearl, and Garnet, and the day Steven left for Korea. She had been standing there with Connie, watching them argue… the purple gem's eyes searched for the girl in the bubble, but she couldn't see her from her angle, so she let it go and returned to the memory.
I thought you were going to tell me everything from now on…
Please, you're making Pearl very upset...
No, I'm very upset!
Rose never wanted you to see this place…
R-Rose wanted- what about what I want? I'm sick of everyone lying to me! Rose is my mom, out of anyone, don't I deserve to know the truth?
Honestly, Amethyst couldn't help but agree with Steven – maybe it was just because the others treated them both like immature children, which, granted, they sometimes could act like, they could both face the truth if they had to. No one wanted to accept Rose had shattered Pink Diamond; no one wanted to accept Rose was going to die when she had Steven; no one even wanted to love, care for, or help raise Steven once he was born. But what good was hiding from reality or running from the truth? Rose did what she had to do, then Rose died, then they took up raising Steven anyways, and they had all become better for it. If they had just been honest with Steven, maybe they wouldn't have lost him somewhere along the way.
/
Steven bolted upright, breathing heavily, eyes darting around the white room. What happened? Where was he?
Oh… Right…
He lifted up his ruined shirt ends and looked at the Rose Quartz gemstone, pink and flawless as it reflected the white light. White Diamond had summoned her Pearl to bring her another Rose Quartz vile, and she repaired him fully. How had she put it?
"You will need to be cracked again, I'm afraid – we could have done it right away, but that research will have to wait. Knowledge predicates a lesson, and so a lesson you shall learn."
Grabbing at his chest while his heart rate slowed, Steven examined his legs by rolling up the dirty fabric around his ankles. He was so, so glad to be alone right now, his eyes raking over the lashes along his skin, welts that rose and fell like the rolling hills in the country. He should have known it was coming, it was foolish to think he could yell demands at White Diamond without repercussions, but still the memories made the hair on the back of his neck stand-up.
A little wobbly, Steven got off the white-rectangle that had doubled as a bed, eyes looking for a familiar sight – water. This was the same room he had been in before, his little holding cell that had been his sanctuary after the experiments, and once again he could not be happier to have a moments privacy.
Steven splashed the water on his face and drank some of it in from his cupped hands, swishing it around between his teeth: there was the taste of dried blood, phlegm from crying, and the gross sort of dried spit taste that stuck around his gums. While he may be very hungry, he was even more thirsty so he took his time drinking and washing his face. There was no mirror – obviously, gems don't need to see their reflections to gauge the way they look – so Steven couldn't be sure he removed all the grime around his eyes and mouth, but it felt much better so he dried the water with the collar of his shirt.
There was a neatly folded white shirt and pants that were the image of what his clothes had once been, now discolored by layers of dirt, blood and sweat. There were tears all along the fabric, down the middle, one sleeve entirely ripped off, tears along the back, the knees of his pants ripped through. Oddly, Steven thought as he examined himself, he was reminded of those movies that Sadie and Ronaldo like – he smiled a tiny smile, remembering how his greatest fears had once just been zombies and monsters. He looked like one of those werewolves in the movies after they had returned to human form – looking worse for wear, tired, the same and different all at once.
How much time has passed? There was no way to know. Could it have been just hours ago that he watched the Gems be sealed away from him? Could it really have only been so recently that he had been Opalite, that he was healed by White Diamond, that Holly Blue whipped him under her command? Her face came to mind – even she seemed a little perturbed to be following what White Diamond's instructed, conceited but with the slightest hints of hesitance lining her annoying sneer.
His mind flickered between his own and Opalite, making him wince as he started to clean the dirt off his arms and legs.
Didn't you want this?
I thought so.
Didn't you want to be us?
I guess not.
You're making me look weak.
I know.
Disappointing, as always.
Yeah.
It was worth it – it was, Steven tried to tell himself, again and again and again. But even so, the whole thing had been a nightmare. White Diamond let them leave the Kindergarten peacefully, but after that it was no holds barred. Whip, punish, crack, heal, repeat. Whip, crack, heal. Fuse again – but they failed, he couldn't anymore, he really didn't want to. Do it, or the Roaming Eye – their ship, the Crystal Gems – will explode. Fuse anyways, hate himself, unfuse. Whip, whip, crack, heal. Fuse again. Stop. Lecture some more, then whip. Fuse again. Sit – wait – watch – a Ruby and a Pearl – wait, Lilac Pearl? From Blue Diamond's ship? Shattered by her, artificial fusion, melting together. So much pain. "Rhodonite," she said. Disgusting. Limbs and tearing, just like on Earth. It was disgusting, at least they thought so. "We can fix this." Unfuse. Pass out.
Steven didn't realize it but he was crying again, his arms shaking under the running water.
He whispered to himself, looking at the new white circuits spread beneath the skin of his left arm. There was hardly anything traces of pale skin left beneath the markings anymore – mostly white and yellow, with a devastating line of blue that crept between them.
Steven whispered to himself, a shaky breath in the silence. "It was worth it, right?"
/
All of them tensed for a moment when the ship announced their course. "One hour from arrival."
Ugh. They really were going back to Earth. Amethyst tried to imagine who would tell Greg, or worse yet, Connie's parents…
By the actions that soon followed, it was obvious she was not the only one having those thoughts. Peridot cleared her throat and asked if it was okay if she bubbled the purple gem, wanting to look at the controls for a moment. Her little fingers flew across a panel and her faced focused, reading something, before speaking to everyone.
"Uh, um, it looks like we will be being dropped off at… the galaxy warp," she said, but no one answered her.
Pearl got up and looked around at all of them, thinking about what might come next. She guessed it would fall on her to speak to the Maheswaran's, being the closest of them with Connie, but her heart twisted horribly at the thought. Maybe she could have Greg go with her, he seemed to know how to handle these human rituals…
Walking over to the girl suspended in the bubble, it was almost hard for her to imagine she was dead – she looked so peaceful, eyes closed and arms tucked together like she might just be asleep.
Not wanting to startle the others, she cleared her throat. "I-I am going to let her out of the bubble, try to put a bandage on her face so her parents don't…" tears threatened to choke her, so she stopped and simply started her task.
With a gentle pressure, the bubble popped and Pearl caught Connie in her arms, limp and light, soft like a human but cold like a gem.
Setting her on the ground, Pearl considered how best to do this, what sort of things she might have wanted if the same thing had happened to Steven… Pearl decided with a sigh it would be best to put her back in human clothes, something that might be less jarring for her parents and then bandage any bruises or wounds that were visible.
Lapis had come over, surprised herself, but she felt like she had a responsibility to Connie. The way they held each other when they first discovered the condition of the Temple, the way they had hugged so fiercely… "Can I…" she said weakly, Pearl looking up with surprised, tired eyes.
"Can I help?"
Surprised but grateful, Pearl agreed and indicated for Lapis to hold her head up while she retrieved some things from her gem. Lapis looked into her human face thoughtfully, trying to imagine Steven's heartbreak and then was distracted by the pounding in her head that followed.
"She… usually wears a sort of spandex suit under her gear, so we can leave that on and put her clothes on over it. I guess let's do the… shirt first?" Lapis could not quite remember if the shirt was the bottom or the top for human clothes, so she let Pearl lead by starting to awkwardly untangle the girl's arms from her shirt while Lapis adjusted her shoulders.
There was so much that Lapis felt she had done wrong, the blue gem's every weighed down by guilt, but she wanted to do at least one thing right by Steven after all of this. He loved this human girl, so Lapis would make every effort to at least give the girl's human family some peace.
Pearl handed her the shirt once it was off, balled up in a pile. Lapis was a little disturbed that it was wet, but she knew humans were mostly water so maybe they leaked when they died.
Lapis inspected her thin brown shoulders, fully realizing just how young Connie was – she knew Steven and her were both small, but Peridot was small and she was still old. Her collarbone was so thin, so delicate… absently, Lapis tucked a piece of Connie's hair away from her face, the shirt brushing up against her brown skin when she did.
Garnet spun around suddenly, mouth covered by her right hand. "W-wait! Something's happening!"
Lapis and Pearl both stiffened, both angry with the fusion in different ways, but they took future vision seriously. They paused, looking between each other and even glancing at Peridot and Amethyst who had turned to watch.
There was a soft hum of the engine in the ship, and then, all of them gasped – Connie had started to sparkle prettily under the artificial Homeworld technology, her brown skin glowing vibrantly like she was under a spotlight, but it was as if the light was filtered through a pink gauze, all of her features radiating softly.
Peridot disturbed the moment, characteristically aloof. "Do humans usually turn pink when they… uh…"
Garnet was crying though, her face smiling through the happy tears as she ran forward, dropping next to Pearl on her knees. "No, this isn't that. She… Connie, she's…"
The girl bolted upright, her eyes flying open and gasping for breath like she had just spent a long time underwater. "Steven, I-!" then she blinked several times, realizing she wasn't in the Kindergarten anymore, Steven was no longer kissing her. She was surrounded by the Gems and they were looking at her faces shocked and appalled and so, so happy that she felt tears spring into her own eyes just by their expressions.
"Wh-what's going on?" She shook her head, realizing she felt dizzy and disoriented. Her fingers found the sudden tears on her cheeks, surprised.
Pearl was very close to her, and took her hand gently. "C-Connie? You're…"
The girl followed Pearl's gaze and gasped, realization crashing over her as she examined her hand in Pearl's white one. She was… pink?