I should be studying for finals XD

Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

FIFTY-TWO

-"Diego?"- I said, surprised to see him here of all places, -"What are you doing here? It's been... woah."

He chuckled, -"Quite some time, my friend,"- He said and patted my shoulder, -"How do you fare?"

-"Well, I'm alive, that's what matters."- Just now I noticed someone accompanying him, a kid, around 10 years old. He looked a lot like Diego: same hair color, same eyes...

-"Oh, where are my manners?"- Diego face-palmed himself and placed his hand on the boy's head, -"This is Daniel, my little brother."

-"Figured, you look alike,"- I said and knelt close to him. I looked at him and offered my hand, -"Hey, I'm Jean. I study in the same school as your brother here," - He stared at my hand for a few seconds before hiding behind Diego. I chuckled and stood up, -"Shy, isn't he?"- Unlike his brother.

-"Fairly,"- Diego sighed, wistful, -"Reminds me of Zaeed..."

-"Everything alright?"- I asked worriedly, remembering they were kind of skirmish last time I saw them.

Diego smiled, gesturing me to sit down, -"Why don't we have a seat and catch up?"

Just then, my name was called and I went to pick up my hot chocolate. Diego ordered a chocolate biscuit and a strawberry mousse, by request of his brother -well, by beseech, -"Diego?"- His little brother called him, pulling on the bigger one's shirt.

-"Hm?"

-"Can I have a bite of the biscuit too?"- He asked, looking up to his big brother with puppy eyes.

Diego chuckled as he paid up, -"Of course."- I could tell how attached they were to each other.

While they waited, they sat with me and Daniel played with his brother's golden layered IPhone as Diego spoke to me, -"How is he?"- I asked, watching Daniel play Angry Birds.

-"Daniel? Oh, he's alright,"- Diego rested both his arms on the bench's armrest, -"He suffers from asthma, something I have to medicate prevalently."

-"Yeah, you're right...,"- Poor boy, I though. And poor Diego. From what I can tell, they live alone, so Diego must've been under stress being in charge 24/7, -"So, how you've been?"

-"Me? I'm flattered that you ask,"- When I rolled my eyes, he laughed, -"I've had better days, but thank you."

-"What do you mean?"

-"Could sure use some vacations; taking care of this pup on my own hasn't been easy, but thank God he's humble,"- He said as he weltered Daniel's hair, earning a glare from the latter one, -"I might fail 11th grade again; you see, studying isn't really my forte and I haven't had the time for it,"- I arched an eyebrow. He laughed and pushed my head away gently. I felt the cold thrill of his golden rings he never left home, -"Oye, don't look at me like that. Oh , and...,"- He made a face, -"The school's a... rather irretrievable mess. Even the pedagogue have been absent for weeks now." *1

-"I heard a rumor...,"- I lent forward, resting my arms on my knees after dumping the hot chocolate cup. Marco told me something like that too, but I didn't felt like talking about that shit-hole, -"And, um..., how's Zaeed? I mean, how're things between you?"

Diego raised an eyebrow, taking aback by the sudden question. He answered nonetheless, -"We're holding up nicely,"- Then, he tilted his head, -"Oh, you're wondering about our last spat? Well, we've worked through it. We... discussed about my smoking tendency. He wants me to withdraw from it, saying it's slowly killing me, wilting my lungs and whatnot."

-"And...?"

He smiled tenderly and I knew then that he was resolute on satisfying Zaaed's solicitude, -"I'm making progress."- He reminded me of myself; he'd do anything for Zaeed, even drop the one way that somehow relaxed him, as would I for Marco if that were my case.

-"That's good to hear,"- I said and smiled to myself, wondering if Marco would do the same -heck, I wonder what he'll do if he finds out I actually smoked once, -"He cares for you."

-"And I for him,"- Diego smiled just as I did a second ago. His face shimmered like it always did whenever he talked about his cutie boyfriend, -"Well, enough about me,"- He lent forward just like I did, -"You know, your earlier response wasn't very-"- Diego stopped and stood up when the employee called him. He came back with his order and handed Daniel his mousse, -"Like I was saying, your response wasn't very cogent. Are you certain you fare alright? You seem... mournful."

I sighed. Damn him and his wit, -"I'm mournful alright,"- Well, Jean, what're you waiting for? Didn't you wanted to speak to someone? Yeah, I did and even though Diego wasn't the guy I had in mind, if I had any other guy than Marco in the first place, I could still tell him, I trusted him -it's not like anyone's going to use than info on me anyhow, -"Mom died this morning..."

Diego's eyes widened, taking a bite off his biscuit, -"Everyone heard the news, but I'd never...,"- His expression saddened as he stared down at his plate, -"You have my sincerest sympathies."

-"Thank you."

-"Now, on to a more pleasant topic,"- He smiled broadly and nudged my shoulder, -"How's Marco? I never tire of those adorable freckles of his,"- I glared at him and he laughed, -"I do enjoy teasing you. I'm actually worried, you know, he's been rather reclusive in school. Not a surprise, I gather. I tried talking to him, but my efforts were in vain."

Of coursed he'd be. A bit of sadness and guilt fell over me. It wasn't exactly a pleasant topic like Diego claimed it would be, -"I.. really don't know how he's doing,"- I said, hanging my head a bit, -"It's been kind of tough between us."

-"I'm all ears if you feel like venting."- He said, a sincere smile shining in his face.

I hesitated at first, but then I relieved myself of those kept in thoughts. I told him of my long-lasting fear of bullies and homophobic and that I though that that was the first reason for his decision to break up. Then I related Marco's issues with his family: that they were all Christians and considered homosexuality a sin, an atrocity. Aside from them, Marco was shaken and scared too, afraid that God will punish and lever listen to him. That was second reason for breakup. I also told him of our last spat and how bad it ended; I made sure that Diego understood that I respected Marco's faith, because I do, even though I consider his apprehension a bit over dramatic and even though in our last dispute didn't seem like it.

-"I quite agree with you, actually,"- Diego stood up and dumped the plate, -"Yet, those are his belief and I gather that he holds them dearly. You practically offended him."

-"I know, I know."

-"See?"- Diego waved his hands up in victory before he sat again, -"I always told you to watch your tongue, didn't I? Otherwise, you might say something you'll regret later."

I scoffed, -"Showoff."- But he was right.

-"Essentially though,"- He eyed me and shook his head, -"You need some serious anger management. I suggest you work with that first."

-"I'll manage,"- I waved his suggestion off and returned to the main topic, -"Look, I don't want to take it away from him, I actually want him to keep his faith, but..."

-"I understand, Jean,"- He sighed and knelt in front of me, resting his arms on my knees, -"You need to speak to him and clearly. You need to sit like this and look at him in the eye. Don't gaze away, not even for a second,"- Unconsciously, my eyes drifted apart from Diego's and he punched my knee, -"Hey, don't look away. The "eyes are the window to the soul" thing really applies here,"- I glanced back at him awkwardly. It was becoming troublesome keeping my eyes on him, -"Now, you need to speak from the heart and make sure he's looking at you so that he can see that what you're saying, you mean it, that it's real, not a spurious."

-"You sound like you've been trough it."- I said, glad to be out of that uncomfortable state.

"Oh, I have, countless of times,"- He chuckled as he stood, probably remembering one time with this sort of situation, -"I have to speak to Zaeed like this, if not, he misunderstands me."

-"That makes sense."

-"And Jean,"- Diego sighed again, apparently not done, -"Don't be afraid, of anything or anyone. Don't give them the satisfaction of your fear, your cede. I think it's time to let go; your past doesn't marshal your future. You love Marco and I know you'd do anything for him. If someone mocks or offends you, just flip them off and move on. You can't keep this up and he can't either."

I looked up to him, eyes widening a bit. Marco told me something like that and they're both right: I'm letting my past shape my future. It already did once; it made me change myself into an ungrateful brat who disrespected his own mother and shattered her relation with him. I won't let it do that again and not with Marco.

-"Thanks, Diego,"- I said, standing up, -"I really needed that."

-"A pleasure,"- He smiled and gestured Daniel to stand up, -"Besides, I owed you. Now we're even. Oh and do me a favor,"- He looked over his shoulder as he walked on the pavement, -"Next time we see each other, make sure you don't have such bad news."

I smiled a bit bitterly, -"I can't promise anything."

After exchanging farewells, they left and I roamed around town, not keen on returning home. I kept constructing small movies of that talk Diego told me to have with Marco in my mind. I was really convinced that that's the only way Marco will understand me, but overall, I need to control myself and my emotions. I certainly don't want an outburst like last time.

I decided to go jogging, seeing as I'm out of shape and because staying home wouldn't do well for my mental health. I went home to change up into my exercising clothes and picked up my cellphone and my earphones to hear some music while I trained. When I wrapped up, I headed out after closing the house and began jogging around the town I was familiar with, not averting too far though.

It felt good to do some workout after so long, and a bit exhausting too. I really had no time before, taking care of Mom and all..., I still wanted to be back on shape though and now I had plenty of time for it.

Eventually, I reached a free-for-all gym with tracks, weights, treadmills and whatnot. I stayed there for about an hour, lifting weights, doing push-ups and sit-ups. I ran in a few races with several people whom I retained myself from speaking with.

Around 5' o clock, I returned home and took a bath. When I finished, I checked my cellphone and found five missed calls and a voice message in my inbox. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it was Marco's home phone number. Could it be him? I clicked my phone to play the message: "Jean, please call me back when you hear this."- And I did just that, -"Oh my God, Jean, I was so scared when you didn't answer your phone,"- Marco's mom took a deep breath from the other side, -"Are you alright? Do you want me to come over?"

Fuck, how could I forget? She must have heard the voice message I left specifically for Marco, -"I'm... okay and no, it's fine, you don't have to."

She sighed, -"Jean, please. You're alone, aren't you?"

I didn't answered.

She sighed again and I swore I heard something, like ragged breathing on the other side but not from Marco's mom, -"I'm coming over."

-"I'm okay, really,"- I said, attempting to persuade her to stay there, -"I can take care of myself and-"

-"Where's your father?"- She asked and I heard foot taping.

-"He's...,"- Damn it, I cursed mentally. I couldn't hide anything from her. She was like my second mother, -"I... don't know. I haven't heard from him in... a while."

-"Christ...,"- She mused and again I heard ragged breathing, -"I'm coming over, Jean. Period."

I gave up. Then, I heard a sob, like someone was trying really hard not to cry. Mrs. Bodt had two home phones and that meant one thing: Marco was listening from the other one. A small laugh escaped my lips, -"Alright, Mrs. Bodt, you win,"- I smiled to myself, warmed at the fact that Marco did heard my last voice message and was listening to this one too. I was also a bit charmed that he was crying for me, but albeit temporarily. It really, really anguished me whenever Marco cried. It felt like when Superman was weakened by a kryptonite, -"Hey, tell Marco that I... already miss him and that I'm sorry."

She paused for a few second, as if waiting for Marco himself to say something. Maybe she knew he was using the other phone, -"I will. Should I bring groceries? Do you want anything in particular?"

She also didn't ask for details or why I was sorry and that meant she knew. Marco told her, -"No, just the usual."

-"Alright, I'm on my way."- And with that she hung up.

Oh Marco..., I though as I slumped back onto bed, please, don't cry anymore. I'll fix things up, I promise.

After a few minutes, Marco's mom arrived and I helped her dismount the groceries. When we finished accommodating it, we sat on the living room and she started asking me if I was really alright. I ended up telling her the truth, that I couldn't help feel a bit mournful, but not depressed. She was relieved an told me that Mom was in a better place now alongside God. I didn't swallow that story like most people did, but I thanked her anyways.

-"So, um, how's Marco?"- I asked as I lent back on the sofa.

She sighed deeply and I saw worry in her eyes, -"He's been very quiet recently and comes out less from his room. I've noticed how sad he has been..."

I hung my head. All my fault, isn't it?

-"He told me what happened between you,"- She said, looking straight at me. I wonder if he told her everything, -"Everything."

Shit, I cursed, -"I didn't mean to hurt him, I swear."- I quickly said in defense.

-"I know, Jean,"- She smiled, but I could still note her eyebrows furrowed, -"He told me that same thing."

-"He... he did?"

She nodded, -"Oh, I almost forgot,"- She stood up and walked towards the living room. Then, she came back with a small white box, -"He begged me to buy this for you,"- When she handed me the box, I quickly opened it and saw a pair of chocolate layered donuts with sprinkles, -"Said it'll cheer you up."

A knot formed on my throat, -"Did he... said anything else?"

-"He said... that he's sorry too."- Her expression saddened.

I really didn't liked how that sounded. Suddenly, the donuts didn't seemed so appetizing anymore.

-"He's really worried about you, Jean, even if he doesn't show it."

He knew I loathed solitude and excelled at over-thinking, which always ended in a mental breakdown, well..., sort of, -"Did he tell you what he's gonna do? With me, I mean."

She shook her head, -"He told me he didn't know, that he's confused and that he loves you, but that you're too stuck on the past,"- Not again with that. How many people have told me that already? -"I'm sure lots of people have already told you that and have given you a speech about it, but I won't drown you with it. You know what you have to do."

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, -"Yeah, I do."- And I thanked her for not lecturing me about it.

-"It's not easy,"- She didn't have to tell me that, -"But you can do it. Marco needs you again and I know you need him too."

We kept talking afterwards and I eventually asked her about the faith issue Marco had. She told me he was still dealing with it and that he had stopped completely from going to church, -"I'd hate to force him to go, because it's his decision, but leaving him home alone and locked up..."

-"I understand,"- I said and tried to un-worry her, -"I'll speak to him and I'll go to church with him after mom's burial."

-"I'd appreciate that,"- She stood up and picked her purse, -"And Jean, let me know when and where your mother's burial going to take place, please."

-"Of course."

We bid farewell and she left.

Alone again. I wonder if I'll end up alone for the rest of my life. I really don't want that. I only wish to be with Marco for however long I'll live and the only way to get that is talking to him, fix this whole mess. All this seems like an impossible mission, but shit, I'm not about to give up.

Next day, I woke up, left a voice message for Dad after unsuccessfully contacting him and headed out to jog. I spent the rest of the day in the same gym of yesterday and decided to talk to someone. I may have lost my mom and possibly my dad, but that's not going to stop me from being social and interactive. Besides, going out, doing some workout and speaking to people will do some good to my health, physically and mentally,-"Hey, you should be careful lifting those weights like that."

-"Excuse me?"- The man was confused at my sudden advice.

-"Here, let me show you,"- I walked towards him and knelt. He was laid back on a seat, lifting a 50 pounds weight. Too much for his height and weight, in my opinion, -"You're forcing your elbow a deal. If you keep up like that, you'll break it,"- With my arm, I showed him the way I considered correct, -"Like this, your back bone won't clash with the front one and it's less painful."

The man was a bit bothered by my intrusion, but when he tried doing it with my method, he nodded approvingly, -"Hey, you're right. It doesn't hurt much."

-"Yeah and,"- I stood, ready for another lap around the field, -"Don't force yourself too much. You'll wear out and then you'll be more tired."

-"True,"- He sat up and drank water, -"Thanks, mister..."

-"Jean,"- I said and offered my hand, which he shook gently, -"Jean Kirshtein."

-"Gustave Brooklyn."

I nodded and strode away to jog some more. In the field, I met some girls who were silently complementing my legs. They even took several pictures with their phones. I laughed lowly, wondering what Marco would do if he were here. He wasn't as jealous as I was, but he gets this waspish expression, his cheeks reddish whenever a girl stared at me for too long.

Around midday, I headed home and pulled out 20 bucks that Dad sent me from the mail and ate a huge ass hamburger in a near grill restaurant accompanied by fries. I sat on a comfy chair under a red umbrella out in the air after I paid. So much for a healthy meal, I though as I stared at my hamburger hungrily. I was about to take a bite when someone coughed beside me, -"Huh?"

-"Um, excuse me, can I sit with you?"- A boy, no older than 17, was awkwardly staring at the free space in front of me.

I looked behind me and saw all the chairs taken. I gazed at the boy and nodded, -"Um, sure."

-"T-thanks."- He sat and began to eat his fried chickens while playing PSP.

I was drinking my bottle of water when the boy started cursing to himself, almost throwing the PSP away, -"Hey, what's wrong?"- I asked, a bit curious of what had him wrathful.

-"Oh, um, it's just Medal of Honor 2. This mission is impossible to beat,"- He tried to compose himself, fixing his toppled glasses, -"Would you like to try? I'll buy you a cheesecake if you beat it."

I almost choked on the water, -"Oh, uh, that won't be necessary."

-"Come on, I insist."

I raised an eyebrow, kind of taken off by how he changed from shy to prodigal, -"Alright, I'll play, but no cheesecake, okay?"

He just shrugged, -"Fine."

He handed me his greasy PSP and started playing. I've played this game before and it wasn't as hard as he stated it was -or maybe I'm just too good on shooters. After a few minutes, I managed to beat the "impossible level" and the guy was a bit vexed. Even so, he bought the cheesecake and I shared it with him.

-"Um, what's your name?"- He asked, scooping the cheesecake.

-"I'm Jean,"- I said and swallowed a bite of the sweet dessert, -"You?"

-"Imshael,"- Weird name, I though. He smiled, softer this time, -"You're, uh, cool."

-"Thanks,"- I said, taking the last bite of the sweet, -"You too."

He sneered superciliously, as in, 'of course I am'. I shook my head and stood up to dump my empty tray. I said farewell and headed off.

After walking around aimlessly around town and feeling less full, I began to workout again in the usual gym before going home. There, I found a note on the fridge from Marco's mom:

Came by, but you weren't here. Please, call me when you can.

Mrs. Bodt.

I smiled tenderly as I picked up my cellphone and dialed her number, -"Jean, you really need to stop doing that."

-"I'm sorry, I forgot to take my phone with me."- I said, scratching the back of my neck.

-"Are you alright? You sound fatigued."- She asked, full of concern like always.

-"Yeah, I'm okay. Just doing some workout."- I paced around the kitchen while drinking a glass of water.

-"Oh, that's very nice,"- She said and then changed subject, -"Any news of your father or...?"

I sighed, -"No,"- I placed the glass of water on the sink and started to wash it, -"Or about Mom's burial."

She sighed, -"Well, let me know as soon as possible and please, call me if you need anything, okay?"

I laughed lowly to myself, -"I will."

-"Bye."

After washing the dishes, I headed up stairs to my room and began playing PS3 to distract myself and naturally stayed up until 4 am until I couldn't hold my eyelids and fell asleep.

*1: Hey.