Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

FIFTY-THREE

I woke up with a pain in my ass after I realized how uncomfortable I was. Damn, I cursed when my numbed legs betrayed me as I tried to stand up. I sighed and sat back on the floor, leaning on my bed. A ray of light was bugging me and I when I looked up, I saw my TV and PS3 turned on. Fuck. When I was finally able to stand up, I turned my stuff off and headed to the bathroom limp and rubbing my eyes. That's the last I ever play until morning.

After washing my teeth and face, I headed downstairs and prepared breakfast... a bowl full of cereal, Cocoa Pebbles. While eating, I left another voice message for Dad, -"Hey, Dad, it's me again. I'm really worried about you, you know, so can you at least send me a text message? You just have to type some letters, come on,"- I sighed, a bit frustrated at him, -"Please... just say anything..."- I waited for it, but when I received nothing but silence, I hung up. Damn it, Dad, where are you? What happened to you? I wish I'd known where or who we worked for, but since I'm a big jerk, I never asked.

Today, I did the usual and the strangest of things happened to me. People in the gym were actually asking for me to help them with the workout. Must have been that Gustave man I helped lifting weights. They asked me how was the right thing to do this, do that and I answered as best as I could. I didn't know much about human muscles and that other stuff, but I did know if a certain movement would cause pain. Yeah, been trough it.

The girls from yesterday that took pictures of my legs were there too and asked me how I got such nice looking legs. I told them with hard work and due to my soccer practices. They were delighted and even asked me to join my soccer team. It gave me a bit of sorrow, considering I've practically forgotten all about it. I wonder how they are, how they all are, my group and my team.

A few hours passed by as I taught those around me the safest way to do workout and more joined. I started to enjoy this, teaching others this stuff was kinda cool, although teaching wasn't in my favorite things to do list since I'm low on patience and easy to piss off. This teaching, however, isn't the same as teaching a bunch of annoying little kids in school.

Eventually, I became known in the gym as the days passed. I've noticed how the girls tried to move on me, complementing me a lot and asking me where I lived, -"Why would you like to know that?"- I asked back as I sat on the gym field's bench while drinking water. Today had been an exhausting day after instructing so many people. My head throbbed.

-"To hang out sometime, duh."- They spoke as if it were obvious. They slightly reminded me of my ex, the way the spoke as if they're the hottest chicks in town.

-"You don't need to know where I live for that."

-"Well then, gimme your cellphone number."- They insisted, a bit desperate.

I sighed and pondered about it. The old Jean would have liked the attention, this one... not so much. I knew their intentions, but right about now, they spoke as if it were 'just friendly hangout', -"I'm sorry, my phone's been clipped." - This morning, actually and I feared Marco's mom has been calling me.

-"But do you have Wi-Fi?"

-"What's it to you?"- I said, a bit disgusted at her pressing, -"I don't have to tell you everything."

The girl looked at her friend, stunned due to my sudden tone of voice. Then, they starting laughing and giggling, thinking I was joking, -"You're so cool. I'm Hannah and this is my best friend Jessica."

-"Exactly, introductions first,"- I said and shook my head disapprovingly, -"I'm Jean."

-"We know that already."- They giggled again.

-"Well, break time's over,"- I said and stood up, dumping the bottle of water, -"I better get back."

I wasn't surprised when they started following me as I helped around, taking more pictures. I then realized they weren't here to do exercise, they were here watch and take picture of guys. There were several here that looked more handsome than me, why the fuck am I their first choice to bug?

I ignored them for the rest of the day and when lunch hour came, the whole gym pack went together to the near restaurant. I went with them by their beseech and ate a salad this time. I had a good time, chatting and sharing anecdotes with them. They asked a lot about me; where was I studying, my age, what do I plan to study on college, what sport I was competing in and whatnot. Some asked if we could have our own soccer team and when I mentioned that I already had one, they begged me to join. Sadly, it was a school team thing, so I turned them down.

Just as they were getting to know me, I got to know them. There were few young people and most were guys, but there were girls -excluding Hannah and Jessica. Several of the boys studied in my school and the adults all worked for different companies, different places. Not all were from Trost district, some were from Utopia and Karanese district. They claimed they worked here, but lived elsewhere.

After that enjoyable meal, we headed to gym again and I left early, worried that Marco's mom might be worried sick. I headed home, hoping to find some money on the mail and just then, the mail man arrived, -"Hey, is there something for me?"

-"Yup. The usual."- He pulled out an envelope and handed it to me.

I opened up and met with 60 dollars. Did Dad somehow knew my phone would be clipped today? -"Um, who sent you this?"

The mailman shrugged, -"I dunno. I just do my job without asking for names."

I thanked the mailman and headed to a public telephone and after putting in 25 cents, I dialed Marco's mom's number, -"Hello?"

-"Hey, it's Jean. I, uh, might need a favor."- I spoke quickly before she could lecture me.

-"What happened? I called you this morning, but you didn't answer."- Again with the foot taping.

-"Yeah, uh, my phone's been cut. Need to pay it up."

-"How much do you need?"- She was quick to lend money to me, as always.

-"N-nothing. I've got the money, just need someone to take me there."

-"Alright, where should I pick you up?"

-"I'm at the bus stop near home."

-"I'll be there."- She hung up and while I waited, I wondered how Dad knew my phone's dead -if he really knew. He usually delivers 30 a week and today, day which my phone's cut off, he sent 60.

Marco's mom arrived after a few minutes and took me to my phone's company. After I payed up, I quickly left another voice message to Dad, -"Dad, please... say something. Anything. Just let me know you're even alive, for fuck's sake,"-I sighed and just hoped he'd reconsider, -"You loved Mom and so did I, but we all die eventually, it's part of life and we can't do anything about it,"- I sounded so Marco right now, -"I hope you at least show up to the burial, it's what she wanted and what I want too."- And with that, I hung up, a deep breath escaping my lips.

Marco's mom looked over the front mirror, -"I'm sure he'll show up, Jean."

-"You think?"- I stared trough the window at the passing people, -"I don't know anymore."

-"Just have a little faith,"- She advised as we neared my house, -"What happened last time you saw him, though?"

It grieved me to remember his face that day, -"Mom... stopped recognizing him."

Mrs. Bodt's eyes widened, -"Oh no..."

-"She did remembered before she parted though,"- I lent back on the chair and looked up, -"I don't want to think what happened to him. Maybe he went crazy, his face that day was...,"- I was interrupted by my cellphone's ringtone. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw doctor Zackly's name on the screen. I answered, -"Yeah?"

-"Kirshtein,"- He spoke a bit exhaustedly, -"I have prepared your mother's burial. It will take place next Friday in Trost Cemetery at 4:00. Please, dress properly and arrive early. I will collect you that morning."- He hung up, not letting me speak.

-"Damn this guy..."- I cursed.

-"What's the matter?"

-"Mom's burial's next Friday in Trost Cemetery at 4 o' clock."- I spoke a bit gloomy. It's finally taking place...

-"Who's going to take you there?"

-"Mom's doctor."- I'd really preferred someone else to take me there, but it's too late to complain.

-"We'll be there."

I smiled, -"Thanks, I'll appreciate familiar faces there."

After Marco's mom dropped me home, I started looking for something to wear in my closet and found a white elbow-length blouse with a black necktie I wore on one of the proms, don't remember which though. I lifted it and eyed it, wondering if it'll fit me. I took off my current shirt and immediately remembered that time when Marco stayed overnight right here and when I took off my shirt, he was staring at me, dribbling. A smile crept up my face at the warming memory as I suited up and surprisingly, it fitted just nicely. I retained it back in the closet and stayed home shirtless. Later that evening, I started playing CoD and again stayed up until 5 am.

Few days passed as I did the usual. More people joined the gym and I met even more people and helped them as well. Some of them knew my name and joined because someone spoke to them about me. I was becoming famous around here, to my disbelief. Also, more girls joined too and most them stopped to stare at my legs and take picture when I wasn't looking. Hannah and Jessica's doing, no doubt. I just hoped they didn't post it on the social media. The attention became a bit uncomfortable and I once told them to stop taking pictures of me. They all did, except those two.

I was picking my stuff up and retaining them in my rucksack when they approached me, -"Hey, Jean."

I didn't even looked at them, -"Hey."

-"We'd like to accompany you on your way home."

I shook my head, -"Nah, I'm fine on my own."

-"Don't be such a party popper,"- They laughed and giggled, -"Come on, it'll be fun. We can hang out and you can show us around your house."

I stood up and faced them, -"Whoa, whoa, wait,"- I shook my head with hands on my forehead. This is unbelievable, -"Show you around my house? Why the hell would I do that?"

-"Why not?"

-"Are you fucking-"- I held my tongue from the profanity, -"Because your complete strangers to me, that's why."

-"So?"- She shrugged indifferently.

I gaped my mouth, unable to believe their resolution on getting me to bed, because that's what it looks like, -"Okay, spill it out. What's your fucking deal with me?"- So much for controlling my tongue. I pictured Diego on the sidelines shaking his head disapprovingly.

-"Well, for starters, you're extremely hot,"- I had a feeling I'll regret asking them. They seemed like they wouldn't hold their tongue, -"You have strapping legs, arms and yeah."

-"That's it?"

-"It doesn't need to be. We'd like to see more."

I wanted to hit my forehead against a wall really bad now, -"At least you're honest,"- I mocked before waving them off, -"No. I'm not showing you anything."

-"Not even your house?"

-"No."- I spat and turned around to pick my rucksack.

I started to walk away until they spoke again, -"Just wondering. Are you single?"

I sighed, irritated, -"'Just wondering?'"- Maybe if I told them, they'd leave me alone, -"No, I'm not,"- Actually, it was complicated. I didn't really know if Marco and I still shared something. What I did know was that I wasn't intent on keeping it 'complicated'. I breathed before speaking. If I told them it was complicated, they'd still bug me, if I told them I wasn't single and lie to them, they won't give a shit, so there really isn't a way out of this besides telling the truth. Hey, maybe they're even homophobic. Here goes nothing, -"I... have a boyfriend."- There, I said it. This was the first time I told someone my true sexual preference and it felt... good. It's not like I'm gonna go on a trip around the word telling people 'hey, I like men' now, but it felt heartwarming, staying true to my feelings and not faking them.

-"You mean girlfriend."

-"No. I meant boyfriend."

Their faces stood blank for a second and then, they turned into disgust, -"Ewww. He's gay."

I looked away as my stomach swirled in fear. Then, Diego's, Marco's and Mom's words echoed in my mind: don't be afraid of anything or anyone, don't let them discourage you, there will always be backbiting, but you can't let them take your happiness, don't let them mold you and I finally managed to suppress it. I finally felt no fear, no giant boulder over me and it felt wonderful. I felt... free, -"So?"- I said, just like they did a few minutes ago.

They left without a word and I honestly didn't missed their presence. With a smile, I headed home feeling all fond, joyful, spirited, courageous and cozy with myself. Upstairs, I prepared for Mom's burial tomorrow. I placed my stuff in a place where I could quickly see them when I wake up. I played PS3 before going to sleep and this time, I slept early.

Next day, I was suiting up when my phone rang. I placed it besides me and clicked the speaker, -"Hello?"

-"Good evening, Jean. How are you?"- Marco's mom's voice was tender as always.

-"I'm alright, thanks."- I said as I worked with my hair in front of the mirror. I looked at the clock on the wall. It's almost 4 o' clock. Zackly should be here any minute now.

-"That's good. Listen, I'll be there soon, okay?"- I knew she was worried about me, considering my father never called me back all these days. She didn't want me to be there alone and she wanted to be that parental figure, comforting her family on a funeral.

-"I know, I know."- I chuckled, warmed at her concern.

We hung up and just then, doctor Zackly arrived. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time and breathed profoundly. Gotta admit, I'm pretty nervous. I don't even know why. Maybe it's because I've never attended a burial before? Does that make sense? And it wasn't just anyone's burial, it was my mother's. I never though I'd see the day she'd be buried underground, but... here it is. I'm sad too. I've been trying to keep a smile up in my face, but it wears down eventually. Even though I did what I did with Mom, it still left me rueful.

On the other hand, I looked good. Too good. I can't wait for Marco to see me in this -if he comes. I hoped so. His presence always lighted my cloudiest days.

Without further ado, I headed down and mounted Zackly's luxuriant Audi. The moment I did, he observed me to see if I was properly dressed. Since he didn't say anything, I got that as a 'it's passable'.

The trip to the cemetery was long, but I saw sights I never laid eyes on in Trost before. There were vast parks with massive trees and long lakes with portentous swans swimming on them. Then, it got grim as we neared the cemetery. It didn't had that gothic look like in most fictional stories, but it still looked sad. The entrance was followed by a brick-road and beside it laid vast terrains with the graves. Most of them were squired by flowers, a gift for the passing from their families. It gave the cemetery a bit of a 'cheerful' look... or none at all. Some where withered.

Zackly parked near the main building and I saw a crowd gathered in front of it, all dressed in black and I wondered if those were here for Mom's funeral. When we dismounted, he told me those were Mom's relatives, -"Present yourself well. They are waiting for you."- And immediately, every nerve in me flared up.