Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

FIFTY-FOUR

I never, never met Mom's relatives. I never met her parents -my grandfathers or my uncles or whatever. I didn't even know if Mom had any brothers or sisters to begin with or grandchildren or...

The doctor coughed beside me, urging me to move. I bit my lip and shoved my hands in my pockets as I strolled towards the crowd's direction. My nervousness grew as I took in the faces of each one of them while I passed trough. Shit, shit, shit, I cursed mentally, vehemently wishing Dad were here. Maybe he knew some of these people. Mom left her childhood house right after she married. In my opinion, she wasn't too fond of her parents or any of her relatives. Back home, she never talked about any of them and I wondered why.

I stood in the middle awkwardly as they stared at me. The doctor coughed again and I knew I had to say something, -"Hey, um... I'm Jean Kirshtein."

-"You're Mathilde's only son."- An old man spoke first as he eyed me. Mom never liked her name.

I nodded awkwardly, wondering who the fuck was he.

-"I'm Theodore August, your mother's father,"- He bowed slightly, -"A pleasure to meet you, grandson, though I'd rather we met under better circumstances."

So... this guy's my grandfather. I wondered about my grandmother, noting there was no woman beside me. I cleared my throat before speaking, really eager to show a bit of formality, but first, I needed to get rid of my nerves, -"It's n-nice to meet you, grandfather."

A tender smile rose to his wrinkled face, -"How modest, grandfather and all,"- Then he sighed ruefully, -"Sadly, you cannot meet my wife, your grandmother, for she rests in peace, now beside her daughter."- He spoke lowly, eyes falling a bit.

I observed him just like he did with me. The ages hasn't been nice to him; he was standing with the help of a cane, his skin was wrinkled and worn and there were bags under his eyes.

-"And I'm Rachael Ross, her sister,"- A woman walked forward and stood beside Theodore, placing her hand on his shoulder and her other hand on another man beside her, -"This is my husband Ben and these are my daughters, Anne and Rose,"- She pointed to the girls, my cousins, who shyly hid behind her. She looked over her shoulder, searching for something, -"Now, where's Harris?"

While whomever they were looking for showed up, I bowed slightly to Rachael, finally loosing up, -"Pleasure to meet you, aunt."

-"Well, aren't you adorable -and quite handsome, I must add,"- She smiled and that's when someone loomed behind her, silently watching me, -"Oh, Harris, this is our beloved sister's son!"

The man finally walked forward and stared down at me. I felt the hostile attitude towards me and I stepped back a bit, feeling like he'd pull out a knife anytime, -"Hphm."- He huffed and walked away.

-"Harris?"- Rachael called him, but it was pointless, -"Don't mind him, dear, your uncle's a bit surly, but I'm sure he's delighted to have seen you."

A bit surly? Delighted to see me? If he was, he wasn't really showing it.

I kept meeting more relatives and soon, I forgot all their names. They teemed me with all sort of questions and I didn't blamed them. They never met me and some didn't even know I existed. I tried my best at answering their inquiries, but for some, I stayed quiet or lied a bit. One asked me if I was married and had children. I had to hold laugh with that one; me? With children? Ha! I wasn't too fond of kids and I had little patience for them. Then they asked if I planned to marry and I told them probably not, but who knows.

I tried answering as honestly as possible. This was Mom's family and even though she didn't sympathized with them, I still had to show respect. Some weren't too convinced about my answers, others disapproved and the rest completely disliked it. They might not say anything about it, but I saw how their faces changed when I spoke and that was enough for me. Questions about my romantic status were the hardest for me to answer. I don't know their position and view on homosexuality, but if the inevitable comes up, I'll tell the truth. I won't hold it back anymore.

I also noted how wealthy they all were, specially Theodore. There were some who bragged about it, always talking about money and how they didn't know what to buy anymore, but most were discreet about it and that meant that they knew Mom's economic state wasn't as affluent as theirs. I wondered why Mom emancipated so early.

-"How's mister Kirshtein?"- Rachael asked once as we started to get inside.

I stopped for a second and pondered on my answer. If I told the truth, it'll look bad on Dad. Like sure, abandon your son after his mother died and go nuts, -"He's... alright. He works a lot though, so I haven't been able to see him much."- It wasn't a total lie.

-"Ah, he's always been a hard working man. God bless him,"- Rachel looked up and sighed, probably remembering something, -"He has always been enamored of her. Her passing must have wounded him deeply..."

Too deep, I though as we neared the ceremony area. No sign of Marco or Dad...

I excused myself from the family and went to the bathroom, desperate for some space. I entered and washed my face, careful not to splash water on my clothes. I then lent back on the wall and sighed. Damn, my head throbbed. I've lost count on how many questions they've made. Then I wondered where the hell were they when Mom was sick; none of them showed their faces when Mom was in a critical situation, none aided me, none lent me money, only Dad and a woman who wasn't even from her family did. It infuriated me. They all seemed hypocrites. I only sympathized with Mom's father and her sister. The rest were all there to play plaintive. There was obvious enmity between me and my uncle Harris -his part mostly. I don't know why, but he has been glaring at me the whole time.

I noted that most of them were Christians. I've lost count of how many times they told me that Mom was in a better place now beside Him and how they often quoted one of His lines from the Bible.

I exited the bathroom and the building for some fresh air when I spotted an unmistakable pearl-white car. A smile crept up my face when I saw Mrs. Bodt dismounting it. She had a gorgeous long, elbow-length black dress that reached her feet on the back, on the front, it reached her knees. She had a silvered layered belt around her waist that matched her long, dainty earring and bracelets. Like always, her hair was loose and curled. She had a pair of black high heels that increased her height.

I heard my name from somewhere inside, but I stayed a while longer to see if Marco came. When I didn't see him, I saddened a bit and walked in. It turns out no one called, but instead someone was talking about me, -"He's a scoundrel, sister! He's the reason why Mathilde perished!"

-"Don't say such things, Harris! You know it's not-"

-"He caused her pain and trouble! That boy is spoiled and ungrateful!"

Well, to be frank, he wasn't so far from the truth.

-"Enough!"- That was Theodore's rising voice, -"Do not speak of him like that. That boy is your sister's only son and she loved him."

-"Lies,"- Spat Harris with abhor, -"Mathilde went through hell with that brat! He battered and exploited her. He provoked unremitting quarrels and who do you think salvaged him?"

-"She did because she loved him,"- Theodore spoke solemnly, yet distressed at his son's words. In most cases I salvaged myself; Mom never liked going to school to face a teacher for my mess, -"You wouldn't understand."- I'm guessing my uncle has no kids.

-"That doesn't imply-"

A small bell ringed off, cueing the commence of the ceremony. I stepped in the room and all eyes were on me, specially Harris, but his had abhorrence, the rest were kind of nervous at my timely arrival. I was asked to sit on the front and Theodore sat beside me. Rachael sat beside him and Harris sat way farther. We were Mom's closest relatives.

The ceremony began and to be honest, it was kind of boring. I once stood up and excused myself to go to the bathroom... again and when I passed trough the exit, I spotted a silhouette near the entrance, dressed in black with an equal colored hat. I squinted at it; was that... Dad? Whomever it was walked away, thwarting me from recognizing him. Discretely, I began to follow him. It certainly looked male and even though I lost him, I recognized his car on the parking lot. Aware that my odds to speak to him were thin, I left a sticky note I requested from the secretary on his window:

Hey, Dad. I know you're here -hence the note on your car. Could you please wait for me? I just want to see and speak to you. It's been so long and I miss you. I'm worried about you. When the ceremony's over, wait for me. Please, just this once. I think it ends around 6 o' clock. I'll be here and I hope you too.

Love,

Jean.

PS. Your car needs cleaning. Maybe if you come by home, I could help you.

I headed back inside and sat again. I swore I spent the rest of the ceremony looking back to see if Dad was around. Theodore noticed my behavior, -"What discomforts you, grandson?"

Startled, I turned to him and scratched the back of my neck, realizing that my recent behavior wasn't a proper one in a funeral, -"Oh, uh... just checking to see if Dad's around."- I didn't dare lie to him.

-"He'll come around, eventually. He loves Mathilde, after all,"- He too glanced back, -"Although, he is rather late..."

No, I had a gut feeling that Dad was here before all of us. He hasn't shown his face to anyone, not even Mom's relatives which I'm certain he's familiar with. Dad was hiding something, that much is obvious, and it terrified me. I fear he's sick too and not physically, but mentally. Ever since Mom was sick, Dad acted strange, like he lost all faith in the world, like nothing meant anything to him and now that she's gone...

The ceremony concluded and I walked to the fore where Mom's corpse laid in a graceful coffin. A small tear escaped my eye when I saw her face; she still had that peaceful face, her smile never faltered. In her chest rested her hands, holding a bouquet of roses. She always loved those. I reached for her cold hands and squeezed it, another tear escaping my eyes, -"I love you...,"- I spoke with difficulty due to the impregnable knot on my throat, -"And I'll miss you, but I'll always remember you."- I parted from her coffin and walked outdoors to the landscape where the deceased were buried.

While I waited for the burial to commence, Marco's mom approached me... and behind her, Marco himself. Immediately, any rueful emotion in me was nulled and nonexistent and when I watched how he was dressed... well, let's say I had to hold a few remarks. He had the same blouse that I had but black with black trousers and fancy shoes. His hair was combed like it usually was whenever he goes out. Around his neck was a black neck tie nicely bound. He had the blouse up to his elbows like I had, but one of it's first buttons was loosened, exposing a bit of his chest. It was unlike him to leave it like that on purpose, but who knows? Also, the blouse was loosened, not tucked into his pants like mines. Anyways, he looks as gallant as always and again, I was drooling like a fanatic.

Marco's mom hugged me unexpectedly, -"Jean, are you alright?"

I nodded, but I was still looking at Marco, -"I am now."- I said, ogling at Marco with a simper.

-"I'm glad,"- She chuckled as she parted from me, -"Have you met some of your mother's family?"

-"Oh yeah, I did,"- I spoke a bit bitterly at the though of my uncle who despised me, -"And I found out that my uncle hates me."

Mrs. Bodt made a face before her phone started ringing, -"Oh, I'll be right back."

Then, it was just me and Marco. Now, I felt nervous. i was doing my best to avoid images from out last encouter cloud me. The man of my life was before me and I had so much to talk to him about, so much to discuss, but I wasn't certain if this was the right time nor if I can really do it. It's always like this; I end up chickening out and regretting it later, but this time, I really think it's not the right one. His arrival was idyllic, he lighted my mournful soul up and that's what mattered now.

He noticed my behavior and looked up at me. Our eyes met and we just looked at each other forever. When I was about to speak, however, he lashed towards me into a nice, passionate hug. I stood flabbergasted for a minute, just taking in his tight grip on me. Then, I returned the embrace and we felt each other's warmth. I planted my head in his shoulder, griping his back tightly and pulling him even closer to me. He never faltered and just accepted our embrace like it was, where it was. I started sobbing, unable to hold a few sentimental tears. When he felt it, he gripped me tighter, letting me know that it was okay.

We stayed like that for several minutes until someone coughed behind us. A bit startled, I gazed back and saw Theodore, holding his cane in front of him, -"Grandson?"

Marco gasped and parted from me, side-glancing at my grandfather ashamedly, but I held onto him, set on making him see that there's nothing to be embarrassed of -yeah, even from these Christians, -"Hey, grandfather. This is Marco Bodt. We've known each other since kids and studied together -well, we still do."

-"A pleasure to meet you, young one."- Theodore bowed slightly and Marco lent back a bit, startled at the formality.

It didn't last long though, -"Um, the pleasure's mine, sir."

Theodore chuckled, -"You are both so modest,"- He said and walked closer to us. He observed Marco intensely, -"Tell me, how well do you know my grandson?"

I knew Marco was really hoping Theodore doesn't pry too much on our... complicated "friendship", -"Um, quite well, I'd say."

-"Do you harbor a friendship?"- I couldn't tell if my grandfather was just curious about friendship in general, considering he's pretty old, but something told me he wanted to know something else. He might have seen our "friendly" hug.

Marco looked at me with concern. I knew he didn't wanted to look bad in front of my grandfather and he though that admitting we had something farther than friendship will ruin my image, but I didn't care, -"He's more special to me than that."- I said and that was enough to satisfy Marco. It wasn't so boorish as to say "I'm gay and this is my boyfriend" or something, but I didn't lie either. I just hoped he gets it.

And he did, -"I see,"- He bowed slightly again, -"Forgive me for the interruption, but your mother's burial will start shortly."

I thanked him and when he left, I turned to Marco, -"Marco, I... want to speak with you. Maybe later?"

He nodded and before I could start following Theodore for the burial, he stopped me, -"Jean, why did you say that?"

I smiled, -"Because it's true."

Marco blushed -"No, I mean..."

-"I know,"- I strode closer to him and placed my hand on his cheek, -"He asked and I wasn't going to lie. Not to him or me or anyone else."

Marco's eyes widened in awe a bit.

His mom arrived shortly after and accompanied us to the burial site. Another ceremony and now, Mom's family shed tears and each one of them walked forward and said something about her. Harris kept everything to himself though and when I walked up, I told how I took care of her and how her last days were, -"She was in peace, serene even and she was happy. She was also intrepid when faced with death. Her courageous heart rests in peace now."- Harris had this frown on his face and I knew he was muttering 'lair' under his breath. I was glad he kept quiet though.

Then they started to bury her and I couldn't hold a tear or two. She still had that peaceful face, even now that they're burying her. Marco, compassionate as always, walked up to me and gave me another hug. A small smile grew on my face as his warmth removed all mourning feelings in me.

When it ended, doctor Zackly offered to take me home, but I declined since Marco's mom begged me to go with her -or better yet, ordered me. Before I left though, I told them I needed to be elsewhere. Marco asked me about it and I told him the truth; that Dad might be around and that I planned on having a chat with him before he or we leave.

I rushed to the parking lot and spotted that same silhouette from before on Dad car's, picking the note I left. It's gotta be him, I though as I walked forward and placed my hand on his shoulder, turning him around to face me. I gasped when I saw his face. It is Dad, but he looked... so different, so emaciated, senile and wasted. He had huge bags under his mildly opened eyes, which were reddish, probably from crying, -"Son..."- He mused.

-"Dad...,"- I said and pulled him into an embrace, -"Dad... I've missed you. Why did you leave? Why didn't you answered my calls, my messages? I was shitting bricks thinking something happened to you!"

-"I...,"- He hung his head and placed his hand on his forehead, -"... didn't wanted you to see me like this."

I had to admit it was woeful and grievous seeing him reduced to this, -"But why? What happened?"

He kept his head hung, -"I couldn't face your mother either. I was a stranger to her, how could I show my face around? After all I've done, she forgot me, I couldn't just..."

It scared me to think that Dad was delirious, -"Dad, she actually... asked me to tell you something,"- He looked up with eyes watering, -"That she loves you... and that she's sorry."

His face saddened even more, -"No, no, no, it wasn't her fault, she didn't had to apologize..."- He covered his face with his hands and started sobbing.

-"She remembered you, Dad, and she loved you until the end."- He missed the most important thing.

He raised his head from his palms, eyes widening at me, -"She... she did?"

I nodded.

His face lit up, a bit content, -"I wish I could have been there,"- Then, he looked at me apologetically, -"I'm so sorry, son. I left you alone all this time. You should inform the Family Department and..."

I quickly shook my head. If the Family Department ever finds out, Dad will be in huge trouble and I didn't want that, I'm not here to make his life shit, -"No, there's no need,"- I said and placed my hand on his shoulder, -"I'm alright, I can take care of myself."- Even though I was mad at him once, I couldn't blame him. If it weren't for him, Mom and I would've died from hunger.

Zackly came afterward and Dad was aghast at his timely arrival. He wanted to report Dad to the Family Department and I had to beg for otherwise. Zackly wasn't persuaded though and said I couldn't be under Dad's care anymore. He made a few calls and when he finished, he said I had to be in some kind of office at I don't know what day, hour or where, but no matter how much I argued, he didn't cede. Only Dad managed to appease me, saying that I couldn't do anything about it and that it was going to be alright.

Angry, I left the cemetery with Zackly by his commandment and I didn't had the chance to speak with Marco. Again, I ended up arguing with him, -"That was really unnecessary, you know. I said I took care of myself and Mom just fine. Dad was just working his ass off for us."

-"This is not up to debate, young man,"- He scoffed, gazing me from the front mirror, -"You will not understand anyways."

-"Try me, old man."- I contested and sure enough, I didn't understand shit. What I did understand was that according to the Family Department, a parent needs to stay with his son twice or thrice a week. On the contrary, it's interpreted that the parent has more important things to do. Also, a parent should always be in contact wherever he is. Dad didn't even showed his face for almost a month and he didn't answered none of my myriad messages. I argued that I wasn't alone, that Mom was with me, but stupidly, it didn't counted since Mom was more of a child than an adult back then.

I gripped my knees and tried to explain the doctor the situation, but it was futile. He understood it thoroughly, but gave no fucks. I did discussed my concern for Dad and he shared my worry. Thankfully, he said he'd speak to him and run some test on him to be sure.

Before I dismounted his car to head home, he cleared his throat, -"If you dislike people keeping an eye on you, I suggest you find someone to stay with you."

I just sighed and closed the door, knowing that if I recommended Dad, he'd give me another 'you wouldn't understand' shit which I think I would. They just don't want Dad to repeat this whole thing and no matter how many times I told them he won't, they won't give a shit about it. That's how they are.

Once inside, I went to sleep and slumber caught up to me quickly.