CHAPTER 16

"Do you think it'd be alright if I invite Emily? Double dates could be fun." Santana asked casually.

Spencer just glared at her.

And the Latina smiled, "I was just kidding."

Spencer just shook her head disapprovingly.

"I want to give you some sense of humor as a present; it's a shame it's not possible." Santana commented, noticing that Spencer didn't appreciate her joke.

"Yeah, well, I have sense of humor, Miss Lopez, it's your joke that isn't funny." She shrugged as she continued eating the chocolate bar in her hand.

Santana scoffed, the Latina placed her right arm on Spencer's shoulders.

Spencer shot her another glare.

"What? Emily does this most of the time." Santana said matter-of-factly. "And you never complained once."

"You're not Emily," Spencer said casually, "and she's taller than me and you're not so…" she held Santana's hand to remove it from her shoulder, "could you please?"

Santana has always enjoyed teasing Spencer, especially when she's with Sam, although Sam's not there, it makes it a bit better when Emily is not there to defend the taller girl.

"I didn't know there's a height requirement…" Santana snickered.

"You know I don't like it when you do that." Spencer mumbled.

"Do what?" Santana asked innocently.

"When you're being such a bully." Spencer said half-heartedly, she's used at this trait of Santana and she's okay with it, but it doesn't mean that she would tolerate her friend. "You're obviously trying to annoy me."

Santana just smirked. "You love me anyways."

"You make it sound like I really love you." Spencer commented, not really sure if she made sense, but Santana seemed to get the message.

"That's because you do love me." The Latina said playing innocent.

"You are so full of yourself sometimes." Spencer feigned irritation.

"Hi guys." A voice greeted, which both of them recognized as Aria walking towards them.

"Finally." Spencer stated, glad that she didn't have to put up with Santana alone anymore.

"Did I miss anything?" Aria asked noticing that Santana and Spencer have been bickering like an old couple.

"Nah, just the part of our conversation yesterday that you should be here 9am sharp." Spencer said being her normal self; she often takes schedules seriously.

Santana chuckled and so did, Aria.

"Sorry Ma'am, I bumped into Toby-" she tried to explain.

"It's okay, you're forgiven." Spencer said, avoiding the possibility that Toby would be their topic.

The rest of the girls shared a knowing look before Santana said, "Whatever, let's head to the arcade, play some air hockey."

"I'd love that." Aria said excitedly because it's her favorite game, half of it being because it's what she and Emily used to play a lot.

Aria's POV:

We were sat on one of the tables at the mall's food court, discussing about random things, or at least they are, my mind drifted to a different topic.

I'm glad I agreed to come with Spencer and Santana on a friendly date. I enjoyed their company and it was a great distraction from the constant pain that I always feel whenever I think of a certain person, although every now and then, I can't help but think of Emily because arcade was kind of our thing, and movies, and eating cotton candies.

They let me decided what we were supposed to do since according to them I'm the one who needs comfort. But it's not like I could do much; everything that I find comfort from, I shared it with Emily, or at least I used to, and I mean them in every sense of the phrase.

The attention that Emily used to give me, Spencer's giving it to me now. And I don't know if I should be glad or sad, because now I think that Spencer's doing it because she pities me, and I hate the feeling of it. But I hate myself more because I can't just be happy that my friends are here for me, trying to cheer me up, and if I'm being really honest, I don't think I can because I want her to be here too.

"Earth to Aria…" Santana said, snapping her fingers trying to get my attention in which she succeeded.

"Yeah, what?" I asked.

"You're spaced out, all of a sudden." Spencer said as she's observing me further.

"I was just thinking…" I trailed off.

"About who?" Santana said knowing who it already is.

"Okay, just to be clear, it's not a choice but a requirement that you stop thinking about her, Aria." Spencer said dramatically matching her animated gestures.

"But that's the thing. I.." I started as I think of the right words that actually makes sense. "I think about her more, because I try hard not to think about her. Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

"The more you try to not think of her, the more you actually think about her?" Spencer clarified in a questioning manner.

"Exactly." I agreed.

"So we're failing at cheering you up, huh?" Santana asked trying not to sound sad but her tone betrayed her.

"No!" I said quickly. "You're helping me, and I'm really glad for this date. It's not you guys; it's me and my stupid heart."

Spencer sighed in frustration but I can sense that she doesn't want us to notice.

There's really something about Spencer that pulls my attention, something that she's not saying. My mind came across our previous conversation where she said that she doesn't like anyone, but I know better, she wouldn't be like this if she didn't liked anyone.

I know that this date's main purpose was to distract me from my problems but it looks like Spencer needs it just as much as I do. Just like me, I see her frown every now and then, or bothered about something and I'm eager to know what it's about, but knowing Spence, it might take a little more time.

Sometimes I really think that she likes Emily though, it sounds ridiculous to me but I can't help but think about it. Maybe it's in the way she says her name, or the way she hates seeing Hanna and Emily together just as much, she may not say it vocally but it's obvious in the way she looks at them sometimes. Or it could also be that I'm being just paranoid, but still, I can't seem to shake it off sometimes.

And it's really not helping that she's like this right now because Em is our topic, she's spaced out, thinking of something deep that I might never know what about.

"That's it." Santana said slamming the table with her hands, breaking both Spencer and I out of our trance, Spencer was even startled.

"San," Spencer groaned.

"Enough of this, we can't have a date while I," she stood up and pointed her index finger on herself, "am in Earth, while you two," then she pointed at us for dramatic effect, "are on your own worlds thinking about God knows who."

"Don't use the name of God in vain." Spencer said with an exasperated sigh without looking at her.

"My bad. But seriously, what are you two thinking about? You might want to fill me in." Santana said mostly directing at Spence.

"I'm not…thinking about anything." Spencer said with a slight pause.

"You're not very good in lying." Santana stated matter-of-factly.

"I just think that you should," she was looking at me, "you should probably talk to her, Aria." She finally said.

I raised my eyebrows. "About what?"

"I don't know. What do you want to talk to her about?" she asked casually.

"Nothing." I answered in almost a whisper.

"It doesn't look like nothing." Spencer said matter-of-factly. And before I knew it Santana was dialing some number, which I'm almost sure that belong to Emily.

"Stop that" I said as I stood up and try to reach for Santana's phone, but she's taller than me, plus Spencer stood up too and grabbed the phone in Santana's hands which made it harder for me to reach since she's taller. "Spence," I pleaded her to hand it to me.

I saw the phone light up as cue that someone answered already and that I was too late, Spencer then placed it near her ear. "Hi…Em?...Yeah, San is here…I borrowed her phone…You seem disappointed to hear my voice instead of hers" then she giggled, seemingly enjoying their conversation, Santana who was now sitting again cleared her throat reminding Spencer of their goal while I just stood there without nothing much to do. Spencer then turned on her serious face again, "Uhm, anyways, we called to ask you if you're available today?...As in right now…Because. We haven't spent much time together…" then she frowned, I guess she declined, "Oh…no, no….it's okay, we don't want to disturb your quality time…no, it's okay" I know what was going on, seeing Spencer's face like that, you see this is what I was saying, she reacts in situations regarding Emily the way I do, it's like she's a reflection of me; I know that Emily is with Hanna right now.

Santana grabbed her phone cutting Spencer off, "No, Em, you need to come here, I need you right now; can you spend time with your girlfriend some other time? I need to tell you something…alone. Please?" I don't think Emily had the chance to reply at how fast Santana spoke. "I'm at the mall's food court…usual mall." Then she ended the call.

I shook my head in disbelief and before I knew it, Santana was dragging Spencer away, "Hey!" I hold onto Spencer's wrist quickly. "Where are the two of you planning to go?"

"I really enjoyed our date and stuff but wait for Emily here and talk to her about anything. I don't even…have a closure or something; do whatever, just clear things up." Santana said.

"And don't you ever pretend that everything is alright. Love ya, bye!" Spencer added and Santana winked at me as they walked or rather sprinted away.

Emily's POV:

Something's unusual about what just happened. First off, Santana needs me and Hanna can't be there but Spencer can, which is definitely unusual, she usually prefer Hanna instead of Spencer because of the scolding and stuff that Spencer puts her through.

"Hey, Babe." I said as I sat beside Hanna on the couch with her blonde hair is in a bun and she was sitting Indian style, watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. rerun.

"Yeah?" her eyes still fixated on the television.

"Uhm, Santana called." I started. We're really having a good time and I don't want to abruptly stop this enjoyment that we're having since Hanna had a bad day yesterday because she and her dad had an argument.

"U-huh." She answered, now looking at me expectantly.

I bit my lip, thinking of the right words to say.

"What is it?" she placed her hand on my leg, encouraging me to continue.

"Can we do this some other time?" I asked hesitantly and gently.

She furrowed her eyebrows and concern was evident in her features, "Why? Is something wrong?"

I shook my head. "It's just that Santana said that she needs me…" I said playing with my fingers not really knowing how Hanna would take it.

She just chuckled like I was acting ridiculous. "Then go to her." She said nonchalantly.

I looked at her searching for any signs of disappointment but all she showed me was a smile. "I'll be okay, I can watch by myself." She reassured me, I contemplated but she sounded convincing so I nodded.

"Okay," I kissed her in her temple, "I'll see you…"

"I love you." Hanna said softly.

And I smiled in the casualty and sincerity of it, "You are my love." Then winked at her.

She chuckled at my attempt at being romantic. "Take care."

"You too." I said as I left, kissing her one more time, on the cheek this time.

I knew what this is about. The moment I saw Aria alone in one of the tables of the food court, I knew Santana and Spencer is responsible for this. I knew something was fishy but I didn't expect it to be this.

She looked beautiful today, if I might add. In fact she looked too beautiful I feel guilty looking at her, and feeling the way I'm feeling. But her smile is lacking, and a frown was on her face instead. It's not like I haven't seen her with that dress before, maybe it's the lighting, yup, I'd settle for that and not think about it too much. She's beautiful, period.

She finally saw me standing here and our eyes met for the first time today. She smiled at me shyly and waved, gesturing me to come sit with her; so I did. My heart is beating faster and louder as I take every step closer to her.

It's been weeks since I last saw her, not really, but it's the first time she acknowledged my presence. And the last time we really saw each other she slapped me.

"Hi." She said when I was able to take a seat.

"You really changed a lot, Santana." I joked and she giggled. I can't help but feel myself smiling at the sound. I know that this is going to be bad. It's has to be because of these feelings that I shouldn't be feeling because I have a girlfriend.

"I'm sorry for this. I tried to stop them." She apologized, but if I'm completely honest, this is more of a favor for me.

"It's okay. I missed-" she stopped me with her index finger on my lips.

"Don't. I can't…" she said shaking her head slowly. There it is again; her eyes, it's just…sad. "Don't be nice to me or sweet, or just…I need you to not be you."

How can I be not me? I looked at her with a puzzled expression although I think I know what this is about.

She sighed heavily, "It's so hard for me to move on from you if I keep seeing the Emily that I fall in love with more and more each day."

The way she said it broke my heart. Everything about what she said makes me really sad because it's like saying that she can't move on from me, and that is so not true because she deserves so much more than me. She's so strong and beautiful and to hear her basically say that she can't really live without someone is just so wrong. She can do better than me.

"That escalated quickly." I said lacking of other words to say, knowing that she wouldn't accept my words anyways. She can be really stubborn sometimes.

She let out another sigh. "I know what you're thinking. I know you think that I can do it and I deserve better, and maybe you're right that I deserve someone better because I've been really miserable lately and I can't remember of a thing that I did so incredibly wrong to deserve to be this sad, because all I ever did was love you."

I was in a loss of words because really, what can you say when you hear someone tell you that? All I was able to do was look at her with sympathetic eyes and guilty ones at the same time.

"But I can't do it. If I'm being completely honest, I don't think I can; at least not when you're being your lovable self." I heard her say.

She's making it incredibly hard for me to get her out of my mind. How do you even stop thinking about someone that makes you feel unbelievably special? She make it sound like I'm the most important person in this world and how can anyone tell someone to stop looking at them the way Aria sees me?

"You're making this really hard for me." I said with a weak smile.

"I'm sorry." And I felt anger towards myself because if there's anyone that's supposed to apologize it's definitely not Aria.

"No! I'm sorry." I said sincerely. "About everything that I've put you through."

She's not crying and that's got to mean something. She's gotten stronger I guess.

"Do you know what makes me really sad, right now?" she asked and I willingly waited for her to tell me. "I thought that if I can talk to you today, maybe you can say something right that would help me get through this."

I just continued looking at her because I don't think I'm able to say anything right or anything at all at this point.

"But I realized that all I ever wanted to hear from you was…" she paused then smiled sadly, tears are struggling to fall from her eyes but she was able to stop them. "It's something you'll never say to me anymore."

I wondered how broken Aria's heart is considering that mine is shattered into really small pieces and I'm the one that's receiving all the love. She wanted me to say that I love her as much as she loves me. I know that's what she wanted to hear. I sound like a total self-centered bitch but I know her, and I couldn't think of anything else that she wanted me to say.

I couldn't nod, but I couldn't disagree with her either.

I couldn't do this anymore. I'm not that strong to watch her hold back her tears; tears that was caused by me.

"Aria…" I started but I can't think of anything to say after that.

"I don't think this was a good idea." She said before she stood up and I had to think quickly of something to stop her from walking away from me. I can't let her walk away from me like this; not like this.

I grabbed her wrist and forced her to face me. I still can't think of a thing to say so I acted instead. I cupped her face and leaned in. I knew kissing her wasn't the most intelligent thing to do but somehow it seemed to be the most logical thing to do.

But I stopped before our lips could really touch. I pulled back after really sinking in what I was about to do. Not only did I almost kiss someone who isn't my girlfriend, but we were in a public place that a lot of people were able to see.

There's a possibility that there is at least one person here that knows us. And it scared me for the both of us. I quickly dragged her out of the mall and she willingly obliged.

I called a cab and told the driver the address to Aria's house. She didn't react at all so I guessed it was an okay choice of place.

I haven't looked at her since the almost kiss until we reached her house. Her face was unreadable but she's obviously still shaken by what I did.

She didn't question me though. She didn't ask me about why I almost kissed her. She didn't shout at me like a normal person would do. She didn't slap my arm, like a normal Aria would do. She was just standing in front of me, unconsciously tracing her lower lip.

I didn't want to call it a mistake. I wanted to do that. I know I wanted to kiss her, and I won't even dare deny it to myself; but not in that kind of place.

I cleared my throat to get her attention, in which I succeeded considering that she looked at me.

"I…" I tried to say something.

She held my hand which made me look at her in the eyes and she was reassuring. I shook my head. "I'm sorry." I said before she frowned. "No. I…" I'm not sorry for almost kissing you. "I'm sorry because I almost kissed you in public; I don't know if anyone saw us. And I would've put you in some sort of danger."

"Danger." She breathed with a chuckle. "Danger- is loving you, Emily." She looked at me straight in the eyes. "I'm actually pretty disappointed that you didn't." she confessed, "but I didn't want you to cheat on Hanna."

That statement made me smile. I'm just glad that she's not mad at Hanna. For some reason I couldn't help but wonder if I have ruined Hanna and Aria's friendship.

"I didn't want to either. I'm thankful I was able to stop. It was a public place and someone who knows us-"

"I don't care if people saw us. I told you that before, haven't I? Or did you forget?"

I remember. Of course I do. She told me back when we were—when we still had 'a thing'.

"Back when we were fooling ourselves." She said that made me cringe.

"We may have fooled around but not in that way. " I said defensively. "I was serious and sincere when I told you that I wanted to give us a chance."

She laughed humorlessly. "Then what were we back then?" she questioned. Am I really that bad of a person for her to think that I didn't mean it when I told her that she's special enough for me to want to be with her?

"We were two teenagers in love, Aria." I said with utmost truthfulness.

"But not with each other, right?" she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I frowned and shook my head, ready to protest but she beat me to it.

"Forget it. It doesn't even matter anymore. You…you have Hanna to think about now." She tried not to sound bitter but she sounded exactly that.

"I tried to kiss you." I reminded her.

"I know." Was all she said.

"I don't know why." I added.

"I know." She replied.

"I still want to." I confessed shyly.

She smiled. "I know."

"But…" before I could finish her soft index finger was against my lips.

"I know." She smiled sadly.

"You sure know a lot of things." I commented which made her laugh lightly.

"I'm trying to make sense of why you tried to kiss me, but I can only come up with one conclusion." She said with a somewhat smile.

"And what is that?" I asked curiously.

"I was kind of hoping you'd say that you know." She smiled.

I smiled back. "I don't though."

"How can I let you go if you're not even ready to let me go?" she asked, but it was more of a statement and I was taken aback.

The truth in her statement was evident. I opened my mouth to say something but it took a while to be able to speak.

"Because you're strong. And you deserve better." It's like the millionth time I told her that but I can't think of anything else at the moment.

She scoffed. "Why can't everyone understand that there isn't anyone in this world that I want more than you?" she said dejectedly.

"That's not how life works." it came more of a whisper. "You don't get to have someone because you like them."

She laughed humorlessly. "That's very evident. I don't think that's something I should be reminded of."

"I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that when I told you not to." She simply said.

"I have a girlfriend and you have to move on."

"Tell that to yourself next time you think about kissing me." She looked at me straight in the eyes and I felt uncovered. I was speechless; with no comeback whatsoever because in this argument, I know I'll lose. "Do me a favor and stop hiding behind our friendship. We're more than that and you know it."

She went straight to her room after that. Leaving me alone with my thoughts.

A/n: There you go. End of chapter 16. Please don't kill me for not updating earlier.

I just really have a lot on my plate...

Anyways! Hope you have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I love you guys to the moon and back. Haha

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND LEAVING REVIEWS AND FOLLOWING THIS STORY!

To know that there are people out there who appreciate my writing/story is just...it's a blessing and I'm actually overwhelmed.