Fine Line Between Friendship and Love Chapter 19, a pretty little liars fanfic

Hi guys!

I was bored and I didn't have enough inspiration to write so...

I made a video of this fanfiction and,

here's the link if you want to watch it:

/watch?v=KI55jeDlXe4

I'm not good at video editing so sorry about that. But I want to share it anyways. Haha.

Now back to the story...here's an update for you guys! Hope you like it!

CHAPTER 19

Santana's POV:

"Have you ever wanted to ask a question so badly but you didn't because you knew, you wouldn't like the answer?" Hanna came to see me, at nine o'clock in the evening to ask me this question.

"I guess…" I answered, unsure of what this was about. Although I knew who this is about. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Why did you assume that there's something wrong?" she countered. She looked like a mess.

"Because…you're here: with me, instead of being with your girlfriend." I answered reasonably.

"It's not like we spend every free time with each other…" she stated simply, but she knew that's not what I meant.

"Come on, I've known you since kindergarten, and if you think that I don't know that something's bothering you then you're wrong."

"Why did you-It's not like I blame you or anything, but…why did you have to set up Em and Aria?" she didn't sound like she was accusing me, but I felt guilty nonetheless because of the sadness in her voice.

"Why? Did something bad happen?" I asked inquisitively.

"Nothing." She sighed, shaking her head.

I was about to protest but she beat me to it.

"Really. Nothing really happened." She smiled but it faded as quickly, "I just feel like something's not the same, you know?" I nodded even though I didn't really understand. "There's something that I think we both know, but…we're too afraid to talk about."

I stayed quiet, thinking carefully what to say next.

Hanna hesitated before speaking, "Do you…happen to know, what they talked about?" she asked hopefully.

I shook my head and she tried not to look disappointed. "I wish I knew."

We let silence settle between us for a moment.

"How's Aria?" she asked shyly, disregarding our previous topic.

I may not acknowledge it, but I feel like our group is falling apart, slowly, like we don't stick anymore. But seeing her smile and knowing that she's concern gave me hope that at the right time, everything will be alright. We'll all be best friends again, like we used to. And I couldn't help but smile thinking about it.

"She's…okay. I guess. She doesn't frown as often." I answered lamely.

She smiled sadly. She misses her. She doesn't have to say it but I can see it right through her. "Why can't everything just go back to the way it was?"

"Are you willing to give up your relationship for having our friendship back?" I inquired, carelessly.

She was smiling while she contemplated. And I smiled because she actually tried to think it through, which meant that our friendship was that important to her.

"No." she answered with conviction. "Emily…" her smile told me everything I needed to know. She's in love, and if I still had any doubts about her love for my best friend, it was gone. I know, because that's the smile I make whenever I think about Quinn. "…she's the best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe it sounds cliché but she changed my world. I don't know what I'd do if I lose her; I don't intend on finding out."

"You have to know; that we're still your best friends. Of course you can't come to Aria for relationship advices right now, but you can talk to her. She doesn't hate you." I assured her, because knowing Hanna, she probably thinks she's not worthy of talking to Aria.

"You think so?" her face seemed to lighten up a bit.

"I know so." I said with confidence.

We hugged each other tightly, thankful for each other's company.

I don't want to say it to Hanna, but I think if push comes to shove, I'm afraid Emily wouldn't choose at all. She's just that selfless. To save our friendship and try to make things the way it was before, she would give up her chance of being in a relationship with someone in our group.

Maybe I'm exaggerating, but in my perspective, Emily is like the glue in our group that keeps us together. She's like our common denominator. We confide in her for advices, we share our secrets to her. When there's a misunderstanding she makes us understand.

But we can't depend on her now. Not when she's the one conflicted. It's only now that I realize how hard Emily's job is. We're all stubborn, and being in love with each other doesn't make it any easier.

She's done so much for our group, and I'd be damned if I'll let Emily make another sacrifice. And if I can do anything to ease the pain that my friends are feeling, then I'd do it.

For now, all I can give Hanna is comfort and assurance that she's not losing any of us. We're always going to be friends, forever and always.

Spencer's POV:

"Rachel! Stop pacing." I knew she'd be like this when she finds out my feelings for Emily. But I have to tell someone about it or I'd explode, and it's not like I could tell Aria about it. Sam would just tease me to death. Hanna and Emily are out of the question, obviously. Quinn and Santana have their own problems, so that leaves, well, Rachel.

"I'm sorry!" she said, finally standing still. "I am still overwhelmed with the information. You're Spencer Hastings. You always tell Santana that girls are for boys and vice versa." She said in a half-disbelief and half-amazement.

"That was what I thought. And once in a while, I still believe in that, but I've tried to hold it in, Rach. I really did. But…" Rachel and I has always been the ones to always remind Santana that same-sex relationship aren't meant to last. Her opinion is important to me because if I have even one slightest chance of getting out of this situation I would.

"You couldn't choose who you love." Was all she answer and her face showed understanding before her lips curled into a smiled.

"I don't know what to do." I said, burying my face on my palm.

"Tell her." She simply said like it's the most obvious thing to say, yet she knew that it wasn't the answer I was looking for.

I gave her an incredulous look. "That's it? That's your advice? Come on, Rach, you might know something to stop this madness." I knew it can't be helped. I've already fallen in love with one of my best friends and there was no going back. But no one can blame me for not accepting these feelings. It's already hard enough to fall in love with a girl, but with a girl that happens to be your best friend and also your best friend's girlfriend? That's just…it's more than too much.

And Rachel understood that. I didn't have to say it, I didn't have to look at her either, she just knew. And that's when I knew I didn't make the wrong choice. Rachel has always been so vocal about everything that sometimes she comes off as a blabbermouth. And to be honest, she is sometimes. But she knows how to keep a secret. And she wouldn't judge you for it.

I have the most wonderful friends, and I couldn't risk that for something that's so unsure.

"Spencer. No one planned anything. It's hypocritical for anyone of us to hate you for falling for one of us. You're not the first one to experience this, you know?" She knows me too well. After all, we've been friends for as long as I could remember.

"What if I told her and she just shrug it off?" that would hurt me so much. I'm afraid that it would mean so little to her since, Aria and Hanna have done stuff just to show her their love. "It's possible. She has so much in her mind, and I don't think she'd-"

"I don't think you're still worried about ruining your friendship with her." Rachel said without letting me finish; looking at me keenly.

I raised both my brows asking her internally what she meant.

"You're afraid of rejection. You're worried that your feelings wouldn't matter to her as Aria's confession did. Because Aria was her first love and you…you have always been just a friend to her. You're scared, not worried."

"I'm terrified." Because scared wouldn't do justice to what I feel. I didn't disagree to the rest of what she said because it's true. I've always been just 'the friend'.

"You shouldn't be." She said confidently that I almost instantly believe that I shouldn't. "It's Emily, Spencer." She said like it was enough reason to not panic. And maybe she's right, because I heard so much more than what she said.

It's Emily; the girl who stands by me when I feel down, the girl who defends me when our friends make fun of me, the girl who's always been so understanding to all of us. She's my best friend. I shouldn't be worried that she won't love me, because she already does. And she wouldn't hate me loving her too much.

"You're right." I said, more to myself, because I couldn't calm down that easily. "I'm going to tell her."

Rachel clapped her hands excitedly. Of course. Knowing her, she probably made it her job to make sure that I could confess to Emily successfully. She's just so big in happy endings, I'm not saying that she's rooting for me and Emily to be together, but that's the thing about Rachel, she's always rooting for us and happiness. "I would say 'Go get your girl' but she's already somebody's girl so…"

"You didn't have to remind me that." I sighed rolling my eyes, because that was the reaction she's expecting from me.

She smiled. "Good luck."

I smiled back. "Not now though." I said abruptly, thinking that she might think I was going to tell Emily now.

She was still grinning. "I know. It's not like you could just force it out of your mouth."

I hugged her gratefully. I realized I haven't hugged her in a while. It's like we're all too busy with our own lives that we barely even interact. Like, we're not just different people in one group anymore, and more like different groups in one clique. We're divided, whether we admit it or not, we are. I couldn't even remember the last time I spoke to Hanna.

"Stop overthinking." Rachel scolded, noticing that I was lost in my thoughts again. "Everything's going to be okay."

I couldn't help but laugh incredulously because that was what I use to say to myself, but here we are, here I am. I'm still in the same position as I was before. Everything is still not okay. Not really. "You don't know that." I contradicted.

"Things get better, Spencer. Trust me. Look at Quinn and Santana." She said confidently. "Sure, Quinn's parents are still not okay with it, but at least they have each other."

"And I have you?" it was meant as a light-hearted statement but the way she looked at me assured me that if ever things went wrong, I'd have someone. She'll be there for me.

"Always."

No wonder we didn't need boys in our lives; having each other is more than enough. Except for Sam, of course; we need Sam. He's probably the only boy that I care about.

A week passed and Spencer still hasn't told Emily about her feelings for the girl.

It didn't help that they have upcoming exams either. She has already slacked off a bit during the previous weeks and she couldn't afford having low grades. But it's not like she could study well either because her mind seemed occupied by a certain brunette.

She groaned as she crumples another paper in her hand into a ball, throwing it to an almost over-flowing trash bin. She was solving an integral equation that would've only took her less than 15 minutes to solve but her mind seemed to be playing games on her.

She imagined different scenarios on how she would start her confession and how it would end. But it all came to one conclusion: her feelings wouldn't go anywhere. No matter how it ends up, she'd still be in love with her best friend.

Her situation right now is not an ideal position to be in, but somehow, she's thankful because she couldn't imagine being in love with anyone else that isn't Emily. The girl has been such a big part of her life and she couldn't remember the time when she hasn't known her yet. And even though Emily couldn't possibly feel the same way about her, she's glad the Emily was her first love, because Spencer thinks that she deserves the love that Spencer has for her.

"That's it." Spencer said as she pushed herself away from the table. She's had enough. Sitting alone in her room wouldn't get her anywhere. She realized that if she wanted to be able to study, she should first vent whatever it is that keeps bothering her heart.

She grabbed her coat from the stand and left their house to meet Emily. On her way to the other brunette's house, she tried to recall her prepared speech but she couldn't, like her mind was literally blank if it weren't for Emily's smile that is glued on her mind.

"Spencer?" she heard a male voice, so she looked around, recognizing that it was Toby when she finally faced him.

"Toby." she tried not to sound disappointed. In an instant the boy smiled hearing his name from Spencer, like he's happy that she still remembers him.

"Long time no see." He knew it wasn't because of the busy schedules. He has seen everyone in their town except Spencer, not until now.

"Yeah." Was all she could reply. She hates herself for not being able to be more enthusiastic but it was a really bad timing. She finally had the courage to tell Emily and she's afraid that the longer she see Emily the more her courage would fade.

"I'm glad to see you." He said because there was no use of asking the girl if she was glad to see him; to his dismay the answer was very obvious.

Spencer was never the one to lead someone on. She was really nice to Toby back then, before he confessed his affection for Spencer. Since then, Spencer has been cold to him, not in a rude way but in a way that you wouldn't mistake as something more than friendship. And maybe that's why he fell harder, he doesn't really know.

But he waited too long. He knew, he knows that Spencer likes him, maybe not the way she likes her but at least she does. And that's a lot considering that Spencer never showed interest in boys, or anyone for that matter. She's too in love with her grades.

He smiled at Spencer when she didn't say she's glad to see him too. Something about the ambiance in the park, made Spencer's lips more kissable than ever in Toby's eyes. He missed her. He missed kissing Spencer although he has never kissed her before. He didn't know that was even possible but that's what it felt like.

He felt like he couldn't contain his feelings anymore if they stayed like this, looking at each other, actually, it's more like Toby staring at Spencer, but the point is that he's looking at the most beautiful girl in his world and she's not looking back and it should hurt him but it doesn't, instead he's intrigued and he's craving for her.

Spencer felt bad for not saying a decent thing, she tried to put herself in Toby's shoes and she felt awful for appearing to be ungrateful of him. So she tried to be nice, "I kind of missed you." She said with a smile.

A smile that rocked Toby's world and the fact that she missed her…Toby lost it. He just couldn't contain his feelings anymore so he kissed her, unintentionally stealing Spencer Hastings' first kiss.

The girl stiffened, not being able to process what was happening for a while. But the moment she realized what was happening she pushed the boy as hard as she could, and if it wasn't for Toby's built he probably fall.

The boy must have realized what he has just done because the boy looked apologetic. But it was too late. He couldn't possibly bring back Spencer's first kiss. She slapped him hard. And ran fast, maybe too fast because Toby wasn't able to catch her, or maybe the boy just couldn't move his feet.

Spencer was lost. Toby just stole his first kiss. Sure, he was her friend. Was. But he didn't deserve to be her first kiss. He wasn't supposed to kiss her. She didn't want him to be her first kiss. First kiss has always been a big deal for Spencer. She hoped her first kiss would be special and that she would share it with someone she loves so deeply. But she couldn't take it back now.

She didn't want to go home. She wanted to save herself from explaining to her parents why she was crying so hard. She felt so unstable. Toby caught her off guard. This wasn't what Spencer had in mind.

She continued to rub her lips with the hem of her sleeves, like she could erase even the memories of the kiss, but she didn't bother wiping her tears. She wasn't aware of where her feet dragged her, but the streets were familiar, and before her mind could register where she is, Emily was standing in front of her with worried eyes.

Emily didn't ask her anything; she just protectively enveloped her in a hug. Emily took her inside her house to her room. Spencer slumped on Emily's bed, burying her face on her hands, continuing to cry. Emily just stood by the door after she shut it close.

Emily wants to ask Spencer so badly what happened, but she didn't want to force Spencer into anything. It was physically painful for Emily to watch her friends cry this hard. She didn't know what to say because she didn't know what happened, but she sits beside her friend and hugged her.

Spencer complied and hugged her tight, burying her face on the crook of Emily's neck. When Spencer finally calmed down, she composed herself, sitting straight but avoiding Emily's gaze.

"What happened?" Emily finally asked.

"Toby." Emily's eyes suddenly became more serious, and even darker. She hoped her hunch was wrong but she doubted it. "My first kiss." Spencer sobbed, and something inside Emily shattered because it has been her vow to herself that she would protect this innocent girl in front of her. But she failed. Spencer didn't have to say that Toby stole her first kiss.

Emily was speechless. She was angry. Spencer might know a lot of things but when it comes to love and these kinds of affection, she's innocent. At least that's what Emily likes to think. Spencer always used to tell her how she values her 'firsts'.

And just, knowing that Toby took that away from her best friend made her furious. "He shouldn't have." Spencer said in between sobs. "It was supposed to be with someone special." It was the first decent sentence that Spencer has managed.

"I know." Emily couldn't think of the right thing to say.

"My first kiss was supposed to be with someone I love and loves me back deeply. It's supposed to be something that I'm happy to remember for the rest of my life. But I couldn't take it back." Spencer was crying again, like she was reminded of why she began crying the first place.

Emily thought that Spencer must trust her a lot for Spencer to go to her instead of anyone else. And she'd be damned if she couldn't do anything for her. She wanted to make it go away. She wanted to somehow erase whatever Toby did to her.

She wiped Spencer's tears gently, cupping Spencer's face. She didn't know what to do to make Spencer feel better, but she knows one thing she can do, and so she did. She kissed Spencer. She didn't want to brag, but she's confident it would be better than Toby's kiss. She kissed her because she loves the girl and she knows that Spencer loves her too (as a friend). And that's what first kisses are about, according to Spencer; sharing it with someone special. Emily just hopes that she's as special to Spencer too.

Spencer didn't kiss back. Her mind couldn't register what was really happening. She didn't know it was that easy to take the pain away. She didn't know it was an option. It felt like Toby's kiss was somehow void. She wanted this to be her first kiss. But when she did kiss back, Emily pulled away with her eyes wide.

Spencer then realized that she wasn't supposed to kiss back. She realized that it wasn't supposed to think of it as a real kiss, because it wasn't what Emily thinks about it. To Emily it was more of a very sweet and intimate gesture to somehow take away her pain. Spencer thought that she wasn't supposed to enjoy it, at least not in the way she did. But she did, and Emily looked terrified and confused.

Spencer's mouth was agape. Maybe it would've been better if she just pushed Emily away, even though she thought it was emotionally impossible to do so. She gritted her teeth because she wanted to explain herself but that would just put her in another awkward position.

She stood abruptly, giving Emily an apologetic look before leaving.

Emily was left to process what just happened between them.

Was she supposed to follow her? Emily contemplated.

But then her mind flashed to Hanna. And she felt different shades of guilt. She didn't intend on cheating on her girlfriend. She could swear to God it wasn't supposed to mean like that. It was supposed to be like the friendly kiss all of them share, except this time it was on the lips. But she couldn't tell Hanna that, she didn't know if that was an acceptable reason.

Then her mind drifted to Spencer. She was supposed to make her feel better but she ended up, as it appears to be, messing with the girls mind even more. Spencer kissed her back. She couldn't believe it. But she didn't want to think any more to it. She couldn't afford, thinking more to it. The girl was vulnerable and her mind was all over the place; that must've been the reason why she kissed her back.

Emily keeps on messing up and she's afraid she couldn't keep up anymore. She has to fix things with her girlfriend, with Aria, and now with Spencer. Things were getting out of hand, and she didn't want to lose hold of her best friends.