*I'm just going to leave it here and pretend I didn't made you wait for so long for this update*

CHAPTER 21

Hanna knew. Hanna knew she has a million things to say to Emily. She knew there are a million things they have to talk about. She wanted to talk to her so badly, but she stops herself from doing so.

Talking to Emily meant that she's ready to get back with her, at least for her that's what it meant. Emily has always been good with words, and Hanna has always been great at falling for them.

She gathered up all of her courage to break up with the girl, she knows it's what's best for them but if Emily tries to talk to her then she might give in; and she wouldn't be able to let go even if she tried.

Hanna knows what she wants; she wants Emily.

Just like how she knows that Spencer likes Emily; she knows because Spencer looks at the girl the way Emily used to look at her. She isn't as clueless as her friends make her out to be. So when she saw Emily's arms around Spencer yesterday she couldn't stop the jealousy building up under her skin.

The blonde misses the way Emily used to look at her, because lately, her eyes are jaded. They used to be pure and honest but now…they seem guarded. That's when she knew something has changed.

When Hanna saw Emily jogging on the sidewalk she wanted so badly to call out her name.

She opened her mouth and almost said something- almost; maybe things would have turned out differently, but she didn't.

Instead she watched the brunette's retreating form until she was no longer in sight.

Santana understood what Aria is feeling right now, she does; loving someone and not knowing whether they will ever love you back. Although, she knows now that the love of her life loves her back. And so does Aria, really; Aria do know that Emily loves her back; she just wasn't so sure how much.

Like Aria, the Latina lost hope at one point. There came to a point where she tried moving on through other people; she thought she would heal by learning to love someone else. But if there's one thing she learned from the past, it's that people aren't medicine.

So it didn't sit well with her seeing Aria making out with some guy at a bar, namely, Noel Khan. She didn't like it, not when she knows Aria's in love with someone else, who happens to be sitting next to her, right at this moment seeing the same scenario.

Saying that Emily was not amused was an understatement, and seeing Emily drag Aria out of Noel's lap is big evidence.

Noel didn't dare protest when he saw the look on Emily's eyes. Even Santana would hate to be on the receiving end of it. But she can't say the same with Aria.

"What is your problem?" Aria asked Emily as she freed herself from Emily's grip.

But Emily held her wrist tighter but gently enough to not hurt the girl, as she lead the shorter brunette outside.

Santana contemplated if she should follow the two or stay at her place; the latter ruled out.

"What's your problem?!" Aria questioned when they stopped by the parking space outside the bar.

"What were you thinking?" Emily questioned, but trying to say as calm as possible.

"I didn't want to think." Aria countered. "That's the whole point of getting drunk."

"This is not you, Aria." Emily said, as her disappointment builds up along with annoyance.

The shorter girl chuckled bitterly. She didn't question why Emily was at a bar too, it wasn't an Emily move either, but she was too pissed so instead she answered, "Yes it is. You were just too busy with your girlfriend that you didn't notice that I became this person."

Emily knew this isn't about drinking in a bar anymore. Scratch that. She knew the moment she decided to drag Aria outside the bar that they weren't going to talk about alcohol. "You said Noel wasn't your cup of tea." Emily said instead because she didn't really know what to say next.

"Well maybe I drink coffee now." Aria scoffed.

Emily sighed in frustration. "I know you don't like him."

"And how did you know that?" Aria asked crossing her arms.

"Because!" she didn't mean to yell, which was a wrong move by the way, but she was still frustrated at Aria for making out with some guy in a bar.

"Oh, right!" Aria chuckled, "Because I'm still in love with you." Her features were suddenly soft and vulnerable; that's when Emily realized Aria wasn't really drunk. What Aria said caught her off guard; Aria intended to sound sarcastic but it came off so sincerely and naturally instead.

Emily stepped closer to pull the other girl into a hug but Aria stepped back. "Don't." she simply said.

Emily wanted to let Aria live her life, but not like this. She obviously didn't like Noel Khan, and the same goes for the guy; he obviously wants Aria for what she looks like and not for what she is. Aria deserves more than that.

"You're the one who told me to find someone else to love." Aria stated. "How can I do that if you drag me away from the first guy that gives me attention?"

"You're too good for him." Emily said matter-of-factly.

"And that's supposed to flatter me?" Aria questioned. Emily has to have a reason better than that.

"It's supposed to make you think twice about your choices." Emily answered.

Aria scoffed. "Aren't you happy that I'm making a move to let you go?" she said it sarcastically, but deep down she wanted Emily to say 'no'.

And in her surprise she did.

"No." Emily said looking straight in her eyes.

Aria hated how that single word affected her so much. She couldn't help but feel hopeful; and she resented the effect Emily has on her.

"Why don't you just stop being so selfish and make up your mind?" Aria questioned and the truth and relevance in her sentence was a big slap to Emily's face.

Emily just shook her head. She wants Hanna back, but she doesn't want Aria with someone else either. She cringed at how selfish it sounded even in her head.

"I don't know." Emily answered but she actually knows. She just wasn't ready to admit it yet.

It wasn't an enough answer for the shorter brunette. Aria wasn't expecting an 'I love you' but Emily could have at least told her that she didn't love her back, that way Aria could've moved on with her life a little bit easier.

"I hate you! Do you know that?" But Aria doesn't hate her. She can't.

"I do." Emily said without batting an eyelash.

"But I hate myself more for not being able to let go of this tiny irrational hope that maybe—just maybe, there's a reason why I can't get over you. That somehow all this pain will be worth it in the end, and you'll realize that you love me more than her."

But who is she kidding? Nothing was ever easy with them, at least not since they shared their first kiss.

And instead of saying anything else the shorter brunette tried to walk away, before she heard Emily say, "We broke up."

Aria stopped her tracks, but she didn't look back.

For a split second Aria's eyes lit up with hope but God knows how many times Emily's words have given her hope. "But you want her back, don't you?" she couldn't hide the bitterness and sadness in her voice even if she tried.

Emily smiled sadly. "Yeah", she whispered. "I do want her back, Aria."

Aria shuddered hearing that sentence. She didn't expect Emily's bluntness about the whole thing. But she's tired of making herself look weak.

"Then get her back and leave me alone." She bit back as she started walking away again.

She didn't understand why Emily has to bring this up when it's clearly just going to hurt her even more. Was she really trying to torture her? Aria's anger was building up.

"It would've been that easy if I didn't want you as well." Emily said that made Aria stop her tracks along with her heart.

Aria felt Emily's arms slip from behind her and putting it around her waist. The gesture caught her by surprise. It has been a while since they shared a decent contact, especially as intimate as this.

She almost forgot how to feel this content. It's the closest she's ever been close to being happy. But then again, it's not the same with being happy. She knows that this doesn't necessarily mean that Emily chooses her, but it's really hard to worry about that when Emily's arms are around her; hugging her securely. And before she knows it, an 'I love you' slipped her mouth.

Emily tightened their hug. It wasn't the response Aria was waiting for but it was enough for now.

Quinn understands. She understands that her friends are now in some chaotic love triangle. She understands that her girlfriend is trying to help them patch things up and support them and be there for them. She understands that her girlfriend needs to study for their upcoming exams like she does. She gets that but sometimes; sometimes she just misses her girlfriend.

Sometimes she can't help but question if she even has one.

Sometimes she couldn't help but think that Santana doesn't understand that Quinn needs her too. She needs her when her mother insists that Santana is bad for her, and that it's just a phase. She needs her girlfriend when she wants to tell her father about them, everytime her dad would introduce her to a son of one of his colleagues.

She misses her girlfriend when she would call her at night and her calls go straight to voicemail, and then waking up the next morning receiving a text from Santana, saying that she fell asleep.

But right now she misses her girlfriend because they were supposed to have a date online, because her parents and studies aren't really making it easy for her to travel back to Ohio as often as she used to, but Santana isn't answering her phone and the blonde has been waiting for an hour now.

She's tried calling Santana for at least 5 times more, before Santana finally answered.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked before anything else.

Quinn just dug dipper in Santana's pit of guilt with the concern on the blonde's voice. She asked if Santana was okay instead of questioning her; why she isn't online an hour ago.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I just…"The Latina said quietly, not being so proud that she forgot their date. The date that she suggested so they could make up for the time that they haven't been able to have.

"Where have you been?" the way Quinn said it made Santana's heart ache. Quinn didn't sound angry but she didn't sound pleased either, in fact the blonde sounds like she's crying.

"Babe, are you crying? I'm really sorry." The brunette apologized.

"Why would I be crying?" The blonde asked rhetorically. "I mean, I was just waiting for my girlfriend to pick up my calls for half an hour, right? I mean you just promised that we'd…" there was a crack on her voice that she couldn't continue talking because she was on a verge of crying. "It's not a big deal."

Of course it's a big deal. "Quinn...I'm sorry." Santana whispered. It wouldn't make anything better; she knows that. But she wants Quinn to at least know that she's really sorry. "I'll make it up to you."

"That's what you said the last time. Can't you just come here?" Quinn knew it was stupid. She knew Santana would go there in a heartbeat if she can, right? But Santana isn't there and it just…sucks.

Santana sighed. "You know I would, if I could."

There was silence on the other line.

"Q.-" Santana started but her girlfriend cut her off.

"I know; there's a lot going on there right now." She knows it too well because she's heard it like a million times. But there is also a lot going on in her mind right now, and she needs her girlfriend.

"I'll make it up to you." Santana promised.

"You were supposed to do that today via skype but here we are, talking on the phone instead."

"We haven't even talked about how we'd tell my dad about us." Quinn added, because it's frustrating her how some of her friends can flaunt their relationship in public when she can't even hold her girlfriend's hands in her own home. "Or when."

"We'll talk about it…" Santana started but Quinn interrupted her again.

"I'm tired of going on dates every time he sets me up with some guy; when all I want to do is hold your hand." The blonde said wearily.

"What?" Santana asked in surprise at what she just heard. "You didn't tell me your Dad is setting you up to go on dates." Santana couldn't help but sound jealous. She can't even see her girlfriend in person, and some guy got a date with her.

"We haven't even been able to talk about us in a while. Why would I prioritize telling you that?" Quinn replied.

"You're acting like it's not a big deal, Quinn." Santana stated questioningly.

"Because it's not. I'm sorry for thinking that we were supposed to be talking about how we'll make time for each other rather than irrelevant things." Quinn said sarcastically, annoyed how Santana is making such a big deal out of this. "This is the longest time we have talked to each other, if you haven't noticed."

"That's because you didn't tell me about this until now." Santana reasoned.

"I'm sorry! I didn't think I would need to tell you about it to get your attention!" Quinn couldn't help but raise her voice. She went from sad to mad. "Because if I did, then believe me, I would've told you a lot sooner."

Santana didn't mean to be mad about the whole thing. It wasn't Quinn's fault and she knows that, but she's just frustrated, and there's alcohol in her system, even though she's not drunk. "I'm sorry."

"Forget it." The blonde sighed. "Look, I'm tired." And Santana hoped Quinn wasn't referring about their relationship. "I had a long day."

"I love you." Santana felt the need to say it, because all they're hearing from each other lately are apologies.

Quinn softened at the sound. She was surprised at how she missed hearing that statement.

She was still a bit annoyed at how Santana reacted but she's not going to hold back herself from saying what she really feels.

"I love you too." Quinn replied, "So, so much."

Santana sighed in relief. Her heart was swelling in a good way, at how sincere that sounded. Santana almost didn't want to talk; she wanted that to be the last thing she hears that day. But she needed some kind of confirmation that they'll be okay, because she can never be too sure.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, right?" Santana asked hopefully.

"Of course. That is if you want to." Quinn prompted.

"Of course I do." Santana confirmed.

It's been two days since Emily and Hanna's breakup…

Spencer has a million things to ask Emily. She knew there are a million things they have to talk about. She wanted to talk to her so badly, so when she saw the brunette walking towards her car she called her name.

"Em!" Spencer called out to the brunette. "Em, can we talk?" Spencer asked softly when she reached the girl.

Emily didn't want to talk. She wants to take a rest. But she turns to face Spencer anyway.

"About what?" Emily inquired.

Spencer was fidgeting with her hands. She still doesn't know the reason behind Emily and Hanna's breakup. Did Hanna find out about the kiss? Was it her fault? It just happened too fast for Spencer.

When Emily didn't hear a response from the brunette she sighed. "I know what you're thinking." she said confidently and softly at the same time.

"It…" she paused and checked if other people would hear, "it has nothing to do with the kiss. She doesn't know about it, okay?" she whispered, referring to Hanna.

Spencer nodded as she sighed in relief. At least now, she knows that she didn't exactly ruin any relationship but theirs. "Are we okay though?"

Emily looked a bit confused. They were interacting pretty well; she isn't exactly avoiding Spencer either. She didn't know what made Spencer think that they're not okay.

"I mean, sure, we're not in a fight but…are we okay?" Spencer felt insecure under Emily's gaze.

"Of course we are." Emily answered simply. "I just have a lot going on, on my mind right now."

"I know." Spencer smiled understandingly. Emily just went through a break up, and she wanted to be a good friend and tell her that they're going to fix things, but what does she really know? She doesn't know the first thing about relationships, she only knows about the things that she reads in books.

She wanted to talk about the kiss, if she's being honest. She wanted to know what it meant; what it meant to Emily because it clearly meant everything for Spencer. It was something too big for her to just keep inside. She needed to tell someone about it but that meant hurting Hanna's feelings and she doesn't want that. "I guess I'll go now." She said because she didn't know what to say anymore.

Emily nods and turned her back from Spencer to ride her car, but she knew that it was her fault, like everything else was. Spencer must be feeling horrible right now, and she wanted to make her feel better but she doesn't know how exactly. "Spence, wait." She said before Spencer could walk away completely.

"I don't regret what I did, but I'm sorry, okay?" Emily said, and Spencer knew what she was talking about. A genuine smile crept on Spencer's lips.

"I'm sorry too." Spencer said.

Emily noticed the change in Spencer's expression. "Is something wrong?"

Spencer shook her head. "I just remembered Aria."

She has the right to know, just like Hanna has the right to know. Emily knew she screwed up really badly. She's hurting the three people that meant the most to her.

"Do you want to tell her?" Emily said after being silent. "She's going to know anyway, somehow they will, and it's better if she finds out from either one of us."

"The problem is: I don't think I can." Spencer said honestly. Spencer's aware that Aria and Emily just patched things up recently; she didn't want to ruin it.

"That's fine." Emily said sincerely. "I made this mess, Spence, and I'm sorry for dragging you into it."

Spencer shook her head. She knew what she was in for when she accepted her feelings for Emily. She knew it would be really messy but she fell hard anyways. It wasn't Emily's fault, at least not all of it. "I'm just concerned that she'd hate us for keeping this from her for too long."

Before Emily could answer she saw Hanna and Caleb walking towards them.

"Is she for real?" Emily said under her breath.

Spencer followed her line sight when she noticed the frown on the other girl's face.

The fact that Caleb is carrying Hanna's bag didn't sit well with Emily. Maybe she's being a hypocrite for being jealous, but she can't help it.

Emily thought the blonde was about to approach them but walked the other way towards Caleb's ride.

"Em, don't." Spencer stopped her when she was about to follow Hanna. "What are you doing?"

"I'm following my girlfriend-" she stopped realizing Hanna wasn't her girlfriend anymore, and just thinking about it felt like someone's stabbing her in the face.

"Let them be." Spencer said gently.

"Hanna!" Emily called out nonetheless.

Spencer just sighed.

The blonde didn't seem to hear Emily, or at least she pretended not to. But Caleb was more than willing to approach them.

"Oh. Hey, Em!" Caleb greeted cheerfully, stretching his arms around Hanna's shoulders.

Hanna stiffened at the contact but Emily was too busy being jealous to notice her reaction.

"Hi, Hanna." She greeted the blonde first. "Hey, Caleb." She didn't want to be rude so she acknowledge his presence too.

"What are you guys up to?" Caleb inquired addressing Spencer and Emily.

"We were just talking." Spencer answered.

Emily wanted to wipe off the smug smile on his face.

"Where are you going?" Emily asked them directed at Hanna, because she was more interested in Hanna's answer.

"At the brew." Caleb answered proudly like he was going on a first date.

"Oh." Emily tried to hide her disappointment. "Well, have fun on your date." She smiled, she was hopeful that Hanna would correct her that it isn't a date.

"Sure." Hanna said indifferently, that made Emily frown. "Same goes for the two of you."

Hanna has been cold since the breakup, and Emily understands because it's been just two days and the wounds from the break up are still fresh. Maybe Hanna's just giving her space that she needed, but if it meant that the blonde would go on dates with Caleb then she doesn't want space at all.

Spencer scoffed. "As if." She smiled at Hanna, trying to act casual about it. It's not like Emily and Spencer would go on a date any time soon…or anytime at all.

"See you later, girls." Caleb said before they ride Caleb's truck leaving a bitter Emily and a skeptical Spencer.

"Can you act more jealous?" Spencer asked facing the taller brunette.

"It's Caleb." Emily simply said as if it would be a good excuse for how she acted.

"Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?" Spencer asked.

"It depends on what you're thinking…" Emily said.

"They are not on a date, Emily." Spencer said in confidence. "If anything, Hanna's jealous too, have you seen her face and the tone of her voice?" It's true, Hanna might be the one to break it off, but it's clear that the blonde is still in love with Emily to go on dates.

"You don't know that." Emily mumbled. Emily is very aware of Caleb's feelings towards Hanna. He's been very persistent when the two girls were still together, what more now that Hanna's single again? "She didn't even deny that they're on a date."

"Have more faith on Hanna. You owe her that much." Spencer said sternly.

Emily sighed. "She didn't have to break up with me, Spence. She could've at least given me a heads up. But I got home and her bags are already packed."

So that's what happened, Spencer thought. She has something to say but Emily seemed like she wasn't finished talking so she kept quiet.

"I know I screwed up, but I didn't know I was that bad to her that she thought I didn't deserve a chance to make her change her mind." Emily continued.

Spencer knew exactly why Hanna did what she did though. "She wouldn't be able to resist you, Em." She said with certainty. Spencer knows that it's hard for Hanna to let Emily go, she knows because it all too well. "She would totally change her mind if she listens to whatever you have to say."

"I love her, Spence. I want her back." Emily stated quietly, there was a change in her demeanor.

"Then what's stopping you to get her back?" Spencer asked so simply, like it's the most logical thing to ask.

There wouldn't be a problem if Emily's a hundred percent sure Hanna's the only girl she wants. It's normal for Emily to be upset to lose Hanna, but that doesn't mean that she's the only girl Emily likes.

"Do you know what you want, Emily?" Spencer inquired.

"I want Hanna." Emily stated matter-of-factly. There was no doubt she wants Hanna.

"But is she the only person you want?" Spencer asked, and Emily knew Spencer wasn't referring to herself.

"Aria's my first love…she's special to me too." Emily defended.

"You have to make up your mind." Spencer quipped. "…because they're going to get hurt unless you make a decision. You're hurting yourself too." She looked at Emily. "And I get hurt because of it." Spencer said quieter this time.

Emily sighed. "I'm sorry." Emily told Spencer because she knows what Spencer feels for her now, and it mustn't be as easy as Spencer make it seem.

Spencer shook her head. "You don't have to be." the preppy girl said.

"Will you let me drive you home to your house?" Emily asked. That's the least she could do for Spencer right now. "Please?"

Spencer rolled her eyes playfully. "If you're so adamant about it."

Emily chuckled as she open her car door for Spencer.

Spencer thought that maybe if Emily wasn't so nice and loveable, she wouldn't have as much problem as she has now.

Spencer finally decided to tell Aria a week later. While on the way home, Emily told her that she could be honest with Aria. Emily told her that she couldn't stand to see the look on Aria's face when she knows. She couldn't manage to see another girl cry because of her.

"I have to tell you something really important." Spencer said once she saw Aria.

"Hello to you too, Spencer." Aria joked.

"I have something to tell you and you might not like it." The taller brunette said, nervousness was evident in her voice.

"It's okay, I don't have feelings anyway." Aria said nonchalantly. She knew it was going to be about Emily; it's always about Emily that matters most.

Spencer sighed. "Ariaaaa…"

"I'm just kidding." Aria said, although she really meant it; she feels numb lately, or at least she tries to be. "What is it?"

"A few days ago…" Spencer bit her lower lip while contemplating if she's gonna tell Aria the truth or not. But she decided to just put it all out in the open. "Emily-and-I-kissed." She said as fast as she could.

But Aria heard it so very clearly. She didn't know how to react. Her mouth hangs open but she wasn't able to say anything. To say that she was shocked was an understatement. She felt too many emotions at the same time that she couldn't recognize what they are.

Spencer cringed at Aria's lack of reaction. "Say something, please."

"What do you want me to say?" Aria asked incredulously.

"Anything?" Spencer wasn't sure either. She didn't want Aria to be mad at her, but if it meant that it would cause her friend less pain she'd take it.

"I'm happy for you, I guess." The smaller girl said so unconvincingly, both of them knowing that she's lying; she actually didn't even try to sound believable.

"Aria…" Spencer wanted to say something, anything that would make the situation a little less messed up, but she's afraid that she'd make things worse if she speaks a single word.

"It's okay, Spencer." Aria said dismissively.

"No, of course it's not. I'm sorry, I really am."

"I said its okay, Spencer." She said with much conviction this time.

"What do you want from me? Huh?" Aria's voiced raised but Spencer can see that she's trying to sound calm. "You come here into my house and tell me that you kissed the one person that I'm in love with; the person that I've been craving—why? Why do you need to tell me this? I don't get it. I'm just starting to be fine again, couldn't you see that? What will you get from this, Spencer?" Aria wasn't able to hold back her tears anymore.

"I just thought that you should kno-"

"Well you thought wrong." Aria said matter-of-factly.

"I'm sorry." Spencer repeated.

"Please, leave me alone." The smaller brunette pleaded.

Spencer wanted to hug her friend, she wanted to protect her from all the pain but she's one of the people whose causing her pain and she never felt so useless.

"Aria, it happened before-" Spencer tried to explain.

"Then why did you have to tell me this now?" Aria questioned.

"I just thought it'd be better if there are no more secrets between all of us, you know? Maybe…just maybe things will go back to the way it was." Spencer explained further more. "We can at least try."

"The three of us is in love with one of our best friends; this friendship is too broken beyond repair, Spencer." Spencer didn't know what to say. She was surprised that Aria knew, she couldn't really conclude with that just because of the kiss, right?

"Surprised?" Aria asked. "I'm not dumb or blind. I just trusted you that you'd know better so I didn't say anything."

"I'm sorry." Spencer didn't know what else to say. She was still shocked that Aria knew all along.

Aria didn't respond before saying, "If you're really sorry; leave. Now."

Instead of trying to comfort her friend she nodded and left the house.

When Spencer was out of sight, Aria collapsed on the floor and cried all night long.

"You really have to stop these surprise visits, Q." Santana said with a plastered smile on her face right before her girlfriend hugs her tight.

"I miss you too, Babe." Quinn said teasingly.

"But seriously, you have to let me drive you especially when it's this late at night."

"So you're not happy I'm here?" the blonde pouted that constantly made the Latina giggle.

"Of course, I want you here. I'm just concerned about your safety, that's all." Santana explained, although she's pretty sure Quinn understands.

Quinn pinched Santana's cheeks. "You're cute when you get all protective."

Santana pulled her closer, "I'm always cute and protective." She says before she placed a kiss on the blonde's forehead, then Quinn's nose and then to her lips.

Quinn could only smile.

"Now, if you don't mind me asking, what brought you here?" Santana asked with genuine curiosity. As much as she loves Quinn around, she's fully aware that Quinn has classes tomorrow.

"I missed you." Santana could hear the sincerity in her girlfriend's voice. She didn't know if she should be happy or sad. She's been too busy with her thesis and helping her friends out with their problems that she spent less time communicating with her girlfriend.

"I missed you too, Q." she said as sincerely. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Quinn smiled understandingly.

But Santana knew that even though Quinn understands, it doesn't mean that everything is okay.

"How are your parents?" Santana asked. She realized she hasn't asked Quinn how she's really doing in a while.

"My dad already knows about us." Quinn answered casually, but the Latina can clearly see the sadness the blonde's eyes.

There was silence, and it wasn't the same comfortable silence that they're both used to.

A/N: I hope I made your wait worth it. Kind of, at least. Anyways, thank you so much for reading!

I love y'all so much. Sorry for the super delayed updates.